Trying Your Hand At Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was trying his hand …*

or

A woman was trying her hand …*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Trying Your Hand At Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A baker was trying his hand
At launching a rock and roll band.
He played the guitar,
And he hoped to go far.
But alas all his gig dates were panned.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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84 Responses to “Trying Your Hand At Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Rich D says:

    A fella was trying his hand
    in ways we all understand
    when selecting this verse
    Madeline knew the first
    would be of a self-pleasuring man

  2. Rich D says:

    A woman was trying her hand
    at singing in front of a band
    On the first song
    it didn’t take long
    before she knew she would be canned

  3. Rich D says:

    A fella was trying his hand
    at the self-checkout line at Food Land
    the first time he balked
    when the checkout thing talked
    he noticed his meat had been scanned

  4. Kanchan Bhattacharya says:


    An inebriated guy was trying his hand
    He finally set forth on a path ill planned
    To steal in a steel box
    The gold in Fort Knox
    But sadly he was sobered by the Salvation Army Band!

  5. Cosmology

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At a science that few understand.
    While the pain of the thinking
    Caused cerebral shrinking
    The Universe continued to expand.

  6. Kanchan Bhattacharya says:

    May be this is a better thought…

    An inebriated guy was trying his hand
    He finally set forth on a path ill planned
    To steal in a steel box
    The gold in Fort Knox
    But sadly, he was clobbered by the Salvation Army Band!

  7. Fred says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    impressing a girl unplanned
    Yet instead he did accost her
    turns out she was the bosses daughter
    So goes the story of his being canned

  8. Claudia says:

    a fellow was trying his hand
    on playing guitar in a band
    but on long and short
    forgot all the chords
    and that made for a non-famous end

  9. A lady was trying her hand
    Caressing a bottom, well tanned,
    She had been told that the cheek
    Was exceedingly sleek
    And experience confirmed it was grand.

  10. Sabio Lantz says:

    The Mullah’s Hand

    A mullah was trying his [own] hand
    with cruel Koranic reprimand
    he screamed, “Hand you offend
    I can not comprehend,
    your desire for that which is banned”.

    Note: “Mullah“: an Islamic cleric often with legal authority in Muslim theocracies.

  11. Laughing at JCosmo’s clever ditty. Thanks for the visit ;)

  12. A fellow was trying his hand
    At a formal, ornate ampersand
    He had mastered the @
    But was now thinking that
    He’d be better off just using and…

  13. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At dousing desires she’d fanned.
    He took a cold shower,
    But lost his will power.
    He couldn’t just let matters stand.

  14. colonialist says:

    Mark Kane has a beauty, here. Just a suggestion for fine-tuning:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At dousing desires she’d fanned.
    He took a cold shower,
    To lose his will power -
    He couldn’t let matters just stand!

  15. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At leading a classical band
    He waved his wand furiously
    As musicians watched curiously
    Their leader who fell off the stand.

    A woman was trying her hand
    At positions of physical demand
    She raised her leg high
    Over head to the thigh
    But quit and said yoga be damned.

  16. colonialist says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At feeling a girl while quite canned;
    She: ‘When you recover
    You can be my lover –
    Until then, all handling is banned!’

  17. Rallentanda says:

    rapunzel was trying her hand
    at seducing a spunk in the band
    she dropped her thick braid
    he was unsure became afraid
    so she settled for love letters
    in the sand

  18. colonialist says:

    Another slant:

    A rancher was trying his hand
    On some of the broncs on the land,
    And said to him, ‘Now, boy,
    You can’t be a cowboy
    Until you have eaten some sand.’

  19. Mark Kane says:

    Poor Romney was trying his hand
    At Foreign Affairs with a stand.
    First he shot, then he aimed,
    Spouting facts all disclaimed.
    I don’t think this went as he planned.

  20. Rich D says:

    A lady was playing her hand
    deciding that she’d make her stand
    with hole cards ace-three
    she giggled with glee
    and bluffed her way through with command

  21. Rich D says:

    The lady again played her hand
    And this time the pot was a grand
    She got quite a rush
    as she showed off her flush
    her cleavage distracted as planned

  22. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At creating a castle of sand
    Trying all day,
    But to his dismay,
    All he got was burnt gland to gland

  23. Rich D says:

    A fella was playing his hand
    in that same pot of a grand
    his hand was the pits
    so he stared at her tits
    they smiled just to beat the band

  24. Rich D says:

    A fella was trying his hand
    At politics as a firebrand
    With his pure lack of focus
    and sheer hocus pocus
    his nickname was Dr. Grandstand

  25. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    Enticing he thought was tame
    He succeeded
    But overdid it
    He’s now financially drained …

    Hank

  26. colonialist says:

    I hate these second thoughts – but maybe I should have had ‘A rancher was trying his hand’ in my one above, just to make it clear that it was a ranch hand I meant?

    Note from Mad Kane: I made that “rancher” change for you.

  27. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    ‘Cuz there weren’t any girls on his land
    What? Leave the Ponderosa?
    All he said was, “No sir.”
    He liked his estate to be manned.

  28. Rich D says:

    An ad man was trying his hand
    at pitching a then-unknown brand
    He smiled so with glee
    as late night tee-vee
    brought more order than they could stand

  29. Rich D says:

    A young man was trying his hand
    at riding his bike cross the land
    Before he could roam
    and kick up some loam
    he learned how to raise the kickstand

  30. Patti says:

    A fellow is trying his hand
    To dupe everyone in the land.
    “Good thing they’re not smart;
    They’d tear me apart.
    My platform is built on quicksand.”

    Those “dumb” people will soon have their say:
    Arrogance and lying don’t pay.
    They’ll go cast their vote
    To declare, “Mitt, make a note.
    You, lead the land? No damn way!”

  31. Rich D says:

    Mittens was trying his hand
    at running for Prez of the land
    He picked a real creep
    to run as his Veep
    The drop in the polls was unplanned

  32. A fellow was trying his hand
    At plowing the fat of the land
    His plow it got stuck
    In thick fatty muck—
    He never got rich as he’d planned.

  33. Brion Emde says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At living each moment unplanned
    He just sees where he’s at
    Does what’s needed, and that
    Has worked out so far rather grand.

    or

    A fellow was trying his hand
    With cooking that wasn’t so bland
    The peppers he put in
    Could have eaten tin
    After first taste, there was no demand

  34. John Larkin says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    at making his member expand.
    It worked rather well.
    He said, “This is swell,
    to know I can grow on-demand.”

  35. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At smuggling in contraband
    But a problem soon arose
    With the container he chose
    For the airline wouldn’t allow him to stand

    A woman was trying her hand
    At self-satisfaction (sans man)
    But when her fingers slipped
    T’was a sharp little nip
    From the edge of her wedding band

  36. Green Speck says:

    A woman was trying her hand
    Relaxing in the beach to get tanned
    But as was her fate
    She stayed too late
    And developed rashes from sun and sand.

  37. Craig says:

    For Johanna:

    The mattress guy found out first hand
    That things rarely work out as they’re planned
    The insensitive jerk
    Is now looking for work
    ‘Cause his ass comment got his ass “canned”

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    King Cole was trying his hand
    To live off the fat of the land
    But when the old soul
    Had no more in his bowl
    He drew a long line in the sand.

  39. Craig says:

    If you’re thinking of trying your hand
    A good limerick must be well planned
    You need meter and rhyme
    And you must end on time
    Or you’ll have to re-edit it and …

  40. Johanna Richmond says:

    Now the mattress-man’s trying his hand
    At “a bit on the side” on demand;
    Which has taught him to prize
    Our wise woman of size –
    ‘Twas her crack made his “bitness” expand.

  41. rmp says:

    A fellow was showing his hand
    for a future he hoped would be grand;
    the gypsy just shook
    and gave him a look–
    by week’s end before death he did stand.

    (I had trouble with the last line–still not really happy with it. I started with “the very next day he was canned” but then I thought maybe I’d try “within a week death showed his hand” followed by “within a week death shook his hand.”
    But really, this whole limerick rhythm just throws me off.)

  42. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman was trying her hand,
    And… howdy do! Strike up the band!
    She’d filled in as a sub,
    But beware — there’s the rub:
    Now she fancies her fingers unmanned.

  43. A preacher was trying his hand
    To save a few souls in Sudan
    The few who were liable
    To like his dear Bible
    Said they still preferred their Koran.

  44. Tim James says:

    A student was trying his hand
    At reading the work of Ayn Rand.
    Though he tried to be civil
    He cried out, “It’s drivel!”
    He looked for “Huck Finn” but ’twas banned.

  45. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow is playing his hand.
    With a King and a Six he should stand.
    Then she deals him a five,
    And he just comes alive,
    As he walks away with a cool grand.

  46. A maiden was trying her hand
    At carnal activity much banned.
    She fingered his bum
    With middle, index and thumb
    To pleasure his deep-seated gland.

    My first effort in a couple of weeks. I guess this shows where my mind is.

  47. MrsSmeej says:

    A novice cook trying her hand
    At baking could not understand
    Whence came the foul smell
    Thus, her souffle’ fell
    And dinner did not go as planned.

    Her husband still gave her a hand
    And said that the effort was grand.
    “There’s no need to shout,
    “Instead, let’s go out
    “Get takeout at some taco stand.”

  48. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow was trying his hand –
    A guitar riff he’d carefully planned.
    The West Village, though, chose
    Him to play, heaven knows,
    In his strumming to, well, beat the band.

  49. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At counting his euros and rand
    But the thing that is funny
    With all this strange money
    Is it’s useless in Christmas Island.

  50. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At something to go as he planned.
    “I sit when I piss.
    I otherwise miss.
    My girl says she’ll teach me to stand!

  51. brian miller says:

    a fellow was trying his hand
    but the chaffing felt quite like sand
    some lotion to ease
    the motion to grease
    and easy off came—his wedding band..

    haha…sorry having a bit of fun…

  52. Tim James says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At building a nudie bar brand.
    But he made too few hires.
    With his clients’ desires,
    Supply was outstripped by demand.

  53. Carolyn Henly says:

    A poet was trying her hand
    At a limerick that wouldn’t get panned:
    The rhymes were a breeze;
    She contrived them with ease.
    Too bad the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line didn’t scan!

  54. Manicddaily says:

    Madeleine – may come back – a bit pressed tonight; they are all so good. k.

  55. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman was trying her hand
    At stealing her neighbour’s hus- band
    She said “Love come with me
    Your wife’s weak as pee
    And we’ll go on a good one night stand”.

  56. A Judge was trying his hand
    at entering the political land.
    But the pockets he picked
    belonged to his district.
    So they threw him out on his can.

  57. Johanna Richmond says:

    The pianist was trying his hand
    At getting the lay of the land,
    But while nursing his gin
    The trombonist slid in
    And floored her with “Hey, Baby.” Grand!

  58. Craig says:

    A friend of mine once tried his hand
    Selling frozen treats down by the sand.
    But the end of the summer
    Killed business – a bummer!
    Yes last night it was Custard’s Last Stand.

  59. A blogger was trying his hand
    At limericks that others could stand
    His rhymes weren’t quite right
    His meter a blight
    And they always ended so bland.

  60. Mr. Lim says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At elections for leading this land,
    But his off-cuff remarks
    Had re-kindled sparks
    Now he’s fighting the fires that he fanned.

  61. Johanna Richmond says:

    A comedienne trying her hand
    At humor that wasn’t so canned
    Learned the laughter dies down
    When you rip off your gown
    And yell, “Stereophonic jug band!”

  62. Carolyn Henly says:

    Just call me stupid….When I typed my limerick in, I used an old, and inferior, last line. Never type when you’re tired. Here’s the real thing:

    A poet was trying her hand
    At a limerick that wouldn’t get panned.
    The rhymes were a breeze;
    She contrived them with ease.
    If only the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line had scanned.

  63. Paige says:

    thank you for always giving me a smile, maddy.

  64. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    at smuggling in contraband.
    But he was such a fool
    that he didn’t know “mule”
    meant his illegal drugs would be “canned”.

  65. Pat Gibson says:

    My friend Charley was trying his hand
    At hitch-hiking cross this great land.
    But he busted both thumbs
    And ran out of Tums:
    Both of which were completely unplanned.

  66. A clock was trying it’s hand
    At changing the rate they panned.
    The minute was too fast.
    The hour quickly passed.
    They broke, not how it was planned.

  67. Daniel Ari says:

    The scansion is badly forced, but:

    A woman was trying her hand
    At acting in Hollywood Land
    With “The Light Brigade”
    Her name was made:
    Olivia de Havilland.

  68. Daniel Ari says:

    nice one, Bruce :)

  69. Sabio Lantz says:

    I took out “[own]” in my previous submission. See my post here. I hope resubmits are allowed. So the limerick is now:

    The Mullah’s Hand

    A mullah was trying his hand
    with cruel Koranic reprimand
    he screamed, “Hand you offend
    I can not comprehend,
    your desire for that which is banned”.

  70. R.Ross says:

    A woman was trying her hand,
    in an effort to just understand,
    why religions made God as a man,
    where fanatics just took up the plan,
    and misogyny ravished the land.

  71. JazzBumpa says:

    I’m very late to the party this week.

    A card-sharp was trying his hand
    At bridge playing – thought it was grand.
    Till he got in a jam
    And was set in his slam.
    The finesse didn’t work out as planned.

    JzB

  72. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At nudity, Isn’t life grand?
    But after his fun,
    All day in the sun,
    It dawned on him — Should have pre-tanned.

  73. Veralynne says:

    The lady was trying her hand
    At something quite new to her, and
    She discovered she liked it
    So, the higher she hiked it,
    The more she found her hot self banned!

  74. Johanna Richmond says:

    It’s easy, when trying your hand
    At texting, to misunderstand.
    If your eye adds a Y,
    Any horn-hating guy
    Could log off leaving you feeling panned.

  75. Peter Ledingham says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At winning the prize of the land
    But when his privately held views
    Began leading the news
    The voters could not understand

  76. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At how to be followed and fanned.
    “It’s anyone’s guess,
    He concluded, “Unless
    There is something I don’t understand.”

  77. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    At building a castle of sand. 
    There came a tsunami,
    To which his dear Mommy
    Said: “Things may not work out as planned.” 

  78. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was trying his hand 
    At boosting consumer demand. 
    “As Chair of the Fed, 
    However,” he said, 
    “I’m feeling outgunned and outmanned.”

  79. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was trying his hand 
    At arranging a hot one-night stand. 
    Said the lady: “Reports are, 
    Your Calvin Klein shorts are, 
    At best, insufficiently manned.” 

  80. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A pharmacist trying his hand
    At dealing in drugs that were banned
    Thought, “Criminal? Nah!
    I’m obeying the law—
    The law of supply and demand.”

  81. madkane says:

    Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 80.

    But you can still have lots limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Whiny Limerick.

  82. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An old fellow was trying his hand
    Hoping flaccid old penis would stand
    But twas useless you see
    For at age 83
    All the life had deserted that gland.

  83. Gary Bieber says:

    A fellow was trying his hand
    at winning a job truly grand

    Chosen by Mitt
    to replace if he quit

    Lord help us
    the guy loves Ayn Rand

  84. madkane says:

    LOL! Thanks to Gary and Don for your fun (albeit post-deadline) limericks.