Whiny Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who tended to whine…*

or

A woman who tended to whine…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Whiny Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who tended to whine
Was annoyed by a long movie line.
“My back hurts,” he griped.
“Pipe down,” someone sniped,
“Or I’ll gladly align your damn spine.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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81 Responses to “Whiny Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Makes whinging his usual line
    He learned this bad habit
    From his boss Tony Abbott
    And his name is Christopher Pine

  2. Green Speck says:

    A lady who tended to whine
    For reasons she couldn’t define
    She went to the Doc
    Who treated her block
    And then she was absolutely fine.

  3. brian miller says:

    a woman who intended to whine
    instead fell in love with wine
    which buttoned her lip
    tighter with each sip
    and pickled her insides with brine.

  4. kaykuala says:

    A fellow who tended to whine…
    Immaturity,insecurity his maligns
    Every little matter
    will make him stutter
    His antics prompt others to decline

    Hank

  5. A fellow who tended to whine
    Could kvetch in a manner divine
    “I’m the head patron saint
    “Of the nasty complaint!
    “Don’t like it? Hey! Get in line!”

  6. Rosanna says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Could not believe he was fine.
    He listed his perceived ailments,
    And called for more supplements.
    Thinking he was sick made him feel sublime!

  7. Kathleen Cole says:

    A woman who tended to whine,
    Went rogue at the wrong time,
    Becoming our Nemesis!
    Despite photo genesis,
    She makes a far better mime!

  8. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Like to dash and dine
    He would never pay
    Until one day
    When he tried to steal food from a feline

  9. scott says:

    Great limerick MADam!

    A fellow who tended to whine,
    to his wife if the house didn’t shine.
    Pushed her over the edge,
    now his breath smells like Pledge,
    and his ass has a fresh scent of pine.

  10. Mark Kane says:

    Poor Romney he does tend to whine
    Of the poor and the victims in line
    For their shot at the gold,
    Have they never been told,
    If their fathers’ were rich they’d be fine!

  11. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    An angel was starting to whine
    That heaven lacked something divine.
    So she begged old Saint Peter
    To gently mistreat her,
    Take her down, knock her up to cloud nine.

  12. Bill Klein says:

    A woman who tended to whine
    Didn’t find her new job so divine
    She said “Thanks, but no thanks,
    I am going for bank!
    Alaska will get along just fine.”

  13. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Was told he’d be feeding the swine
    But he discovered the gig
    Involved no actual pig
    And Congress never tipped him a dime

  14. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    had a face just like Frankenstein
    The women he’d scare
    but he didn’t care
    ‘Cause complaining made him feel just fine!

  15. Veralynne says:

    An old dog who tended to whine
    As the new pup took his place in line,
    Grew to love his new role
    As guardian of the bowl
    When it came time to dine, he said, “Mine.”

  16. Veralynne says:

    A young gal who tended to whine
    When invited to dance and to dine
    Drove her suitors quite mad
    And herself, too, quite sad!
    They found others who thought all was fine!

  17. Veralynne says:

    The dowager tended to whine
    And make her demands while supine
    Her servants were weary
    Of her voice, oh, so dreary!
    Sounding feline, she looked more bovine.

  18. The Limerick King says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Lamented the length of his vine
    “Alas, woe is me”
    “I only have three”
    “I’m pissed that I didn’t get nine!”

  19. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Refused to pay a court fine
    He went into a snit
    And had a big fit
    When jailed he wailed a fine don’t decline.

    A woman who tended to whine
    About swill a date said was fine wine
    She gulped a full glass
    When he patted her ass
    She tilted and tossed the cheap brine.

  20. Rachael says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Sure his stars would never align,
    He’d bitch and he’d moan,
    “a dog can’t catch a bone”
    While buffing his Porsche to a high shine.

  21. A woman who tended to whine
    had a meeting with old father time
    he said “Stop your moaning
    or you’ll do some atoning
    which will last for a very long time”

    Haha… I tried :)

  22. Michelle Hed says:

    A fellow who tended to whine,
    had a wife shout, “Grow a spine!”
    He thought what a shrew,
    this will never do.
    So he killed her and cooked her brine.

  23. Sallie McKenna says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    aspired to live on Cloud Nine
    what he never could get
    was that unyielding fret
    prevented his feeling divine!

  24. Michelle Hed says:

    A woman who tended to whine,
    gave the boys an unusual line;
    “No kissing on first dates
    and please no lifting weights.”
    Although confused, the boys all said fine.

    It wasn’t long, a quarter to nine
    and the sweat dripped with the rigid spine.
    Her whining was intense,
    the gym was his defense –
    and she wondered if it was the wine.

  25. Veralynne says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Said, “Me? I merely opine!
    ‘Tis my right to complain,
    Sometimes with disdain,
    When order, fulfillment don’t align.”

  26. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A woman who sings in a whine
    Got a hit, approached Billboard’s top line
    Raspy, screaming or airy
    Yes, that’s Katie Perry
    Her talent? Make shrill sounds combine

  27. Craig says:

    My wingman was starting to whine:
    “You get girls that by rights should be mine!
    This is bar number ten
    And you’ll do it again
    ‘Cause you already got asinine.”

  28. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    About filling his woman with nine
    Should know that most chicks
    Can’t take much more than six —
    And the gag means you’re crossing the line;)

  29. Whinin’ Cheese

    The cheddar wheel started to whine,
    “The unpleasant odor’s not mine,
    Limburger’s the source,
    Of the stink, of course,
    My bouquet is just fine.”

  30. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Invented a bulb that would shine.
    “I was finally through
    In two thousand and two
    But Edison stole what was mine!”

  31. Granny Smith says:

    A woman who tended to whine
    Complained that she got no valentine.
    Along came a spider
    And sat down beside ‘er.
    “At least here is ONE friend of mine.” :-(

  32. Claudia says:

    a woman who tended to whine
    invented a fun, little rhyme
    and she sung it all day
    with helau and hooray
    but it had just one single line

  33. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Asked his wife to pour him some wine
    But so long had his spouse
    Had to hear that man grouse
    She poured out instead turpentine

  34. Tim James says:

    A Quaker gal just wouldn’t whine
    When a fellow behaved like a swine.
    There was no anger flaring
    And — goodness! — no swearing
    Though she murmured, quite clearly, “Up thine.”

  35. Tim James says:

    The students all started to whine
    When their teacher gave them this line:
    “Your work’s antithetic
    To what’s copacetic.
    My grading was meet and condign.”

  36. A woman who tended to whine
    Felt she needed to grow a new spine
    Said she to her spouse
    “I’ll not clean up the house
    go ahead and live like a swine.”

  37. Patti says:

    A woman who tended to whine
    Cried, “You’ve got yours. Where is mine?
    Don’t say, ‘Less is more.’
    I know more is more.
    Spread the wealth and all will be fine.”

  38. colonialist says:

    A fellow who tended to whine,
    When given, for speeding, a fine,
    Whined, ‘I did the speed
    Of those in the lead,
    So why trap me, last in the line?’

    Of course, we South Africans are noted for our racism:

    A player who tended to whine;
    At referees he would ‘com-pline’;
    Was badly regarded
    And often red-carded –
    Of course, as you guessed, he’s Aus-strine!

  39. Fred says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    never seemed to have a good time
    until he found a reason to laugh,
    and then the complaints elapsed
    leaving the fellow feeling mighty fine

  40. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman who tended to whine
    Thought “The Palms” the best place she could dine.
    ‘Til the waiter brought soup
    That was fly-fested goop.
    Now McD’s finds her standing in line.

  41. Jamie Dedes says:

    Madeleine, I always enjoy your limericks and love many of the responses here. My chuckles for the day. Nonetheless, I just don’t seem to have the gift myself.

    Poem on, my friend, and thanks for the smiles.

  42. Carolyn Henly says:

    A woman who tended to whine
    Intended to marry Ralph Fhiennes.
    Said he: “Get the H out”
    Which inspired this shout:
    “Henceforth I abandon this swhine!”

  43. Manicddaily says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Hooked a rather big fish on his line
    But he groaned to his rod
    that it was only a scrod
    and wasn’t precooked in white wine.

    Hi Madel==ine. k.

  44. Natasha says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    was told to seek help divine
    he prayed and he prayed
    from the bed where he laid
    but found the devil at the end of the line

  45. patience and the prodigal says:

    from Patience:

    A woman who tended to whine
    Was hung-over eight times out of nine
    Her face like an ape’s
    Why? She used sour grapes,
    Got vinegar instead of sweet wine.

    and the Prodigal:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Said “my wife was hardly divine,
    Till she fell down the stairs
    Lost her voice, lost her airs,
    Now I’m happy with honey, she’s fine”.

  46. Mark Kane says:

    A Hubby who tended to whine:
    “My slovenly habits are fine.
    Long hours I slave,
    I need my own cave.
    Our new house, it is more like a shrine!”

  47. Mark Kane says:

    A “Fifty Shades Reader” would whine,
    “Their love life, It’s facing decline!”
    But he stopped all that nagging,
    With a swift bit of gagging,
    A blindfold and tightly tied twine.

  48. Victoria says:

    This is a good place to come for a bit of stress relief. So fun.

  49. Mr. Lim says:

    A women who tended to whine
    When asked for a date would decline,
    “You’ll quite soon forget me
    As soon as you get me
    Bare naked and lying supine”.

    (I know I used ‘me’ to rhyme to itself but it rolls off the tongue so I’m going with it. Fun contest!)

  50. Whiny Woman

    A woman who tended to whine
    Was surprised by her guy’s snappy line
    “If you don’t shut your yap”
    You will find quite a gap
    Cause you’re driving me straight out of my mind”

  51. Mr. Lim says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Remarked while astride the Date Line
    What happens to ‘when’
    If I’m here ‘now’ and ‘then’
    And will yester-today e’er combine?

    (please don’t ask me to explain this one ;-).

  52. Carolyn Henly says:

    The alternate version of my limerick for the week has the advantage of relying on a spurious “h” in all three of the “ine” rhymes as well as explaining the woman’s designs on poor Mr. Fiennes, but I thought it was probably breaking the rules for too wild a change to the first line:

    A woman who liked her red whine
    Intended to marry Ralph Fhiennes;
    Said he: “Get the ‘H’ out!”
    Which inspired this shout:
    “Henceforth I abandon the swhine!”

  53. A fellow who tended to whine
    Went into a terminal decline.
    His wife seemed distraught
    ‘Til she was taken to court
    For the arsenic she put in his wine.

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Would daily worship the divine.
    But his god couldn’t brook
    The whinging little sook
    And consigned him to Hell, the swine.

  54. Bruce Niedt says:

    A woman who tended to whine
    thought the merlot was much less than fine.
    Sniffed the sommelier,
    “If you want it your way,
    you can pick your own grapes off the vine.”

  55. Johanna Richmond says:

    An accountant who tended to whine
    Claimed she only liked sex while supine.
    Her turnover rate
    Deflated her mate
    Whose dream was a tight bottom line.

  56. Bruce Niedt says:

    Charlie Brown, who tended to whine,
    said, “I haven’t got one valentine!
    Lack of mail is no fun,
    But just getting one
    from that red-headed girl would be fine!”

  57. Bruce Niedt says:

    Typo on line 2 of first lim: “…much less THAN fine.”

    Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you.

  58. Granny Smith says:

    A woman who tended to whine,
    Phonetics, she taught – ’twas her line –
    “Sometimes it is rough
    When reading gets tough
    Though I thought that my class would do fine!”

  59. Chris Hansen says:

    A fellow who tended to wine
    Was called an “oenologist”: fine!
    But when he drank quarts
    Of his sherries and ports
    Oh the shame! He was forced to resign.

  60. Johanna Richmond says:

    Thinking about the upcoming debates and Romney’s recently exposed “harvesting” comment:

    When challenged, Mitt’s likely to whine,
    “Daddy promised that White House was mine!”
    So save him the trauma —
    Go easy, Obama
    (Or the man just might harvest your spine).

  61. A fellow who tended to whine
    Inveigled a girl with a line
    I can’t help it you see
    My brother metaphorically taught me
    That seduction is all on the vine

  62. A fellow who tended to whine
    Why can’t it my words work into a line
    Instead they stammer
    With no shred of glamour
    And no woman in bed that is mine

  63. A woman who tended to whine
    Was raised as a princess divine
    Thought she should be granted
    Whatever whim she greedily panted
    Stuck them all through the heart with a tine

  64. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    I’VE GOT SAN QUENTIN IN MIND…

    How I wish I could make Akin whine
    Toss him in jail– Help cure his sick mind
    Charge with having no soul
    And being one big asshole
    (He’d be ‘Akin’ from his sore behind!)

  65. Rich D says:

    A fella who was quite known to whine,
    woke up on the floor, supine.
    A friend, through the fog,
    offered hair of the dog.
    He said “coffee, black, would be fine!”

  66. Rich D says:

    A hound dog who tended to whine,
    of his life, one day, did opine
    He muttered, “dagnabbit!
    I’ll never catch a rabbit.
    Elvis ain’t no friend of mine!”

  67. Rich D says:

    A fella who tended to whine
    fretted about his bloodline
    my branch is quite played
    if I never get laid
    and then it’s the end of the line

  68. Rich D says:

    A mountain gal loved so to whine.
    To escape her woes, she’d entwine
    her fine, shapely legs
    with whatever dregs
    would offer her homemande moonshine!

  69. Rich D says:

    A horseman quite often would whine
    as he often fell short at the line
    To win, place, or show
    his t-breds would go
    and get their butts kicked at Woodbine!

  70. Rich D says:

    A limericker started to whine
    I can’t conjure up the next line
    The joke should be wry
    but never should fly
    so far out you can’t make it rhyne (sic) :)

  71. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    about trig (“I just don’t get cosine!”)
    needed help with a loan
    for a car he could own
    ‘til his dad co-signed right on the line.

  72. RJ Clarken says:

    A lady who tended to whine
    re how food on her plate would combine
    bought a platter divided
    which guided and sided
    her meat and peas when she would dine.

  73. A man tended to whine
    Why is this not for our gender just fine
    All the time women do it
    Expecting sparkling goodies and no shit
    Yet when we plead all we get is our asses to shine

  74. A woman who tended to whine
    Foxy news is fair balanced and fine
    All the others out there
    Have those facts laid out bare
    Which just get in the way of the Divine

  75. A man who tended to whine
    Pulled his few hairs at the following line
    “If they cannot afford college tuition
    Let them ask their parents to kick in
    Mine did. Don’t “their’s” want them to shine?”

  76. A woman who tended to whine
    Forgive me for so many not fine
    Was a long day of visits to MDs
    Needed to wash away hee-bee-jees
    Unfortunately, I fear you all reaped the brine

  77. Pearl Ketover Prilik There was a woman who tended to whine
    That when prodded she drifted off line
    Kept typing in stream
    Of an unconscious dream
    Filled often with waste matter not wine

  78. Dr. Goose says:

    My bubbe, who tended to whine
    Of the pain at the base of her spine,
    While spooning the tzimmes,
    Would suddenly grimace
    And lay on the carpet, supine.

  79. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who tended to whine
    Of our national moral decline
    Was chagrined when a madam
    Was busted, and had ‘im
    Encoded as her Client 9.

  80. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 81.

    But don’t worry. You can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Dismay.