Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CUE or QUEUE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 18, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CUE or QUEUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SIN, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SIN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 19, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 18, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CUE/QUEUE-rhyme limerick:

A teenager caught playing pool
After ducking out early from school,
Cut classes anew
The next day — right on cue.
And was handed a dunce cap and stool.

And here’s my SIN-themed limerick:

Show me someone who never feels guilt,
And I’ll bet that he sins to the hilt,
That his attitude’s cocky,
His love life is rocky —
Wilted conscience all muddied with silt.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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157 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CUE or QUEUE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 18, 2020)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry single time I think of you
    I feel wretched and terribly blue
    You’re a sickening guy
    And the reason that I
    Got the part, cause I cry right on cue

  2. Peter Boorman says:

    My sin themed Limerick:

    There was a young lass from Anstruther
    Who had an affair with her brother
    The result of this link
    Was a short spell in clink
    And a daughter whose Aunt was her Mother

  3. Tony Holmes says:

    Are you bad if you cultivate vice?
    Can’t a person be naughty and nice?
    Virtue’s life yields rewards
    Quite unknown to the bawds,
    But the naughty prefer theirs with spice.

  4. Tony Holmes says:

    “Oh, I tried to be virtuous – twice –
    Then I gave myself over to vice.
    Goodness wasn’t for me;
    I was bound, now I’m free;
    If you call me, I’m there in a trice.”

  5. Tony Holmes says:

    Being Dad

    “No good deed goes unpunished, they say,
    Which has caused some to question the way.
    ‘If I’m good, but life’s bad,
    Why keep trying, eh Dad?’
    It’s at moments like this that I pray.”

  6. Tony Holmes says:

    “Oh, no, no, I have no need of spice!
    I’m for virtue, and goodness, not vice.
    Is it dull? Not at all!
    We, the Good, have a ball –
    And we sing quite a lot, which is nice.”

  7. Tony Holmes says:

    “Just how strict is this Santa Claus, Dad?
    And just how does he know I’ve been bad?
    You don’t give him the dope,
    Do you, Pa? I would hope
    Not, or I should tell Mum about Glad’.”

  8. Tony Holmes says:

    “Just how strict is this Santa Claus, Dad?
    And just how does he know I’ve been bad?
    If you give him the dope –
    Which you wouldn’t, I’d hope –
    Then I’d have to tell Mum about Glad’.”

    Another resolution gone west.

  9. Tony Holmes says:

    “Oh, I tried to be virtuous – thrice –
    Then I caved and surrendered to vice.
    Goodness wasn’t for me;
    I was bound, now I’m free;
    If it’s naughty, no need to ask twice.”

  10. John Shardlow says:

    This is for Brits who see discarded drinks containers discarded within feet of a trash can.

    Selling energy drinks is a sin
    Kids don’t recycle the tin
    Boosting caffeine and sugars
    When the poor little buggers
    Have trouble in reaching the bin

  11. John Shardlow says:

    The abbess was lecturing sinners
    On how virgins would always be winners
    But in visits twice nightly
    Monks were lifting her nightie
    She was having more cock than hot dinners

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    a variation of same theme of “cue”

    Whenever I think about you
    I always feel lonely and blue
    Since you told me “Goodbye”
    It’s the reason that I
    Got the part, cause I cry right on cue

  13. Peter Boorman says:

    There was a young lass from Anstruther
    Who had an affair with her brother
    The result of this link
    Was a short spell in clink
    And a daughter whose Aunt was her Mother

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    Is wanting you so, a great sin?
    I fantasize you, I can’t win.
    You’re another gal’s guy,
    I give out a big sigh.
    My happiness in a tailspin.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    Fossil fuels destroy the climate, who knew?
    The troll sat there, grasped just what to do.
    The scientists gave their facts,
    Disparaged corporate contracts.
    The fool stood up, screamed, “Fake news!” right on cue.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    As Cole Porter Once Wrote:

    I have got you right under my skin
    You’re so hot, I can’t wait to begin
    I shall now strip you bare
    But don’t be in despair
    Cuz I get real good wages of sin

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dr. Colon had “more than a few”
    Yet he said he still knew what to do
    But I still can recall
    When I spit out a ball
    As he searched round and round with a cue

  18. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A prompt for a line is a cue,
    and a queue is a line for the loo.
    A stick to shoot pool,
    a cotton-tipped tool,
    an O with a tail–now I’m through.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops!
    Mad: Could you please delete my last request, because I had it wrong.
    This is how I wanted the limerick to sound:

    Dr. Colon had “more than a few”
    Yet he said he still knew what to do
    But I still can recall
    When I spit out a ball
    As he poked back and forth with a cue

    ******

    Done.

  20. Tony Holmes says:

    “We’ve all gone commercial, ‘round here;
    Economics dictating, I fear.
    What you see has its price,
    And it’s priced to entice,
    So, let’s get down to business, my dear.”

  21. Tony Holmes says:

    Said the Chinaman, stroking his queue,
    “You wan’ free firty-four and one two?”
    Then said, “Wot about rice?
    You wan’ twenee-two twice?
    I put portion prawn cracker for you.”

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    Division Of Motor Vehicles

    The DMV sucks, WOW! so true!
    Listen closely, cuz I’m telling you:
    You wait there forever
    It’s quite an endeavor
    (There are skeletons right in the queue)

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mama said, “Don’t sit on a boy’s lap
    You’ll get pregnant, it’s one nasty trap”
    But I fine’ly gave in
    Even though ’twas a sin
    Now it’s time for my sweet baby’s nap

  24. Paula r. Moore says:

    I HATE standing out in a queue,
    To ponder what else to accrue,
    I guess I’m too antsy,
    It don’t fit my fancy,
    To wait for my turn, how ‘bout you???

  25. Paula R. Moore says:

    Getting hit in the head by a cue
    Guaranteed to come-up black and blue,
    Is quite bad for your brain,
    And for sure there’s great pain,
    From this badly played billiard boo boo.

  26. Tim Gray says:

    Then, when he got the cue
    He knew exactly just what to do.
    Whilst their backs were turned
    He did just what he’d learned
    Then fled before his cover blew.

    In the Press the next day,
    A small article did say
    That a MacDonald’s queue
    Was sprayed with some goo,
    But what type they didn’t say.

    Our group does it for kicks,
    Playing mean and nasty tricks,
    And we pay it no mind
    That people think they’re unkind,
    As that’s how we get our fix.

  27. Judith H. Block says:

    EDITED version- Please delete previous one.

    Fossil fuels cause climate change, who knew?
    The troll sat there, grasped just what to do.
    The scientists gave their facts,
    Decried corporate contracts.
    He stood up, screamed, “Fake news!” right on cue.

  28. Tim Gray says:

    We were going to pursue
    A path of unblemished virtue,
    But part way along
    Something went wrong
    And ended up right in the stew.

  29. For those who are fans of Trump’s run
    and wish they could join in the fun,
    I hear World War Three is due,
    Get in the draft queue!
    (but put your child in the front as plus-one)

  30. Tony Holmes says:

    We in Britain, conditioned to queue,
    By and large, take the tolerant view.
    We will tend to ignore
    Flagrant breaches of law,
    But Sir Queue-Jumper – woe betide you!

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not Really A Sin

    It really is not a transgression
    To covet your neighbor’s possession
    Cuz if YOU buy a car
    You certainly are
    Helping to stamp out recession

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the “All You Can Eat Today Inn”
    The owners could not seem to win
    Right near “Bibles And More”
    They just couldn’t score
    Due to gluttony being a sin

  33. Tony Holmes says:

    You’ve Been Warned!

    “You should never make jokes about sin!
    Don’t you know how much trouble you’re in?
    Cock a snook, if you dare,
    But, Oh, Sinner, Beware!
    For that ice you are skating is thin.”

  34. Tony Holmes says:

    Sins can venal or cardinal be,
    Which is irksome, if sinner, like me,
    Would so like to transgress,
    But, compelled to confess,
    Would thus struggle to do it guilt-free.”

  35. Tony Holmes says:

    Sins can venal or cardinal be,
    Which is irksome, if sinner, like me,
    You’d so like to transgress,
    But, compelled to confess,
    Would thus struggle to do it guilt-free.”

    Sorry about that.

  36. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    From cow speak, we must take our cue,
    and translate “Don’t eat me!” from “Moo.”
    and when old horses say
    with a snort, “Neigh! Neigh! Neigh!”
    we must picket all plants that make glue.

  37. Shaneka Antwanette Murphy says:

    There once was a bully named Doodle
    Who thought he would horse ride a poodle
    The pup bucked like a mule
    Tossed him in a pool
    And he ended up riding a noodle!

  38. Shaneka Antwanette Murphy says:

    “I’m tired of these limericks,” I said!
    The rhythm is stuck in my head!
    Although they’re on cue,
    With limericks, I’m through!
    I’d rather write Haikus instead!

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    There was quite an inordinate queue
    Impatient to see “Doc” Mc Hugh
    The nurse said, “Won’t be long
    Please try to be strong
    Under par he is trying to do”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    a variation on limerick number #1 to make more sense

    ‘Twas real helpful to think about you
    Though you made me so terribly blue
    You’re a sickening guy
    Yet the reason that I
    Got the part, cuz I cry right on cue

  41. Kirk Miller says:

    At the wedding, the groom is one who
    Uttered swear words he later did rue.
    And the words he did spew
    Were just two, right on cue.
    And the swear words he said were, “I do.”

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    an improvement from 11:16 am today “Sin”

    It really is not a transgression
    To covet your neighbor’s possession
    If you buy that same car
    You certainly are
    Helping to stamp out recession

  43. Tim Gray says:

    Trump, you murderous clod,
    Who gave you the power of God?
    Do you now understand
    You have death on your hand
    Putting Soleimani under the sod.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    A Twofer?

    “Jumping line, reprehensible act,
    Is the grossest perversion of tact.
    The respect for the queue,
    And one’s place, is a due,
    And transgressors deserve to be whacked.” (Think ‘Goodfellas’.)

  45. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Nuber Six:

    “Oh, that face! Oh, so sweet and demure!
    Don’t believe for a moment she‘s pure!
    In an attic somewhere,
    There’s a portrait, I swear,
    That would sabotage all that allure.”

  46. Tony Holmes says:

    That should, of course, be number.

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number One:

    “Gladys Trimble excited my lust,
    With the flagrant misuse of her bust.
    She exposed it to view –
    I was next in the queue –
    And caught sight of one nipple, not two.”

    (Another twofer?)

  48. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number Two:

    “I’m six hundred and ten, give or take,
    And my staple is coconut cake.
    I eat greens, once a week,
    Helps me stay at my peak,
    Though it’s more for appearances sake.”

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    Number Two:

    “I’m six hundred and ten, give or take,
    And my staple is coconut cake.
    I eat greens, once a week,
    Helps me stay at my peak,
    Though it’s more for appearances’ sake.”

    Forgot the apostrophe.

  50. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number Three:

    “One should always have more than one needs;
    It’s the sine qua non of all creeds.
    Gather much, it’s your right,
    Count your profit each night,
    As when wisely invested, it breeds.”

  51. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number Four:

    “Indolence is a sin? Oh, no way!
    Why would guys go to work every day?
    All that effort – for what?
    If you stay in one spot
    Someone else will deliver. Why stray?”

  52. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number Five:

    “Jumping line, reprehensible act,
    Is the grossest perversion of tact.
    The respect for the queue,
    And one’s place, is a due,
    And transgressors deserve to be whacked!”

    (Unless I thionk of something else.)

  53. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number Seven:

    “I have ridden men down, it is true,
    But, so what? It was merely their due.
    For a man such as I,
    Normal rules don’t apply;
    I abide by the dictum, ‘Screw you!’”

    (Disclaimer: This limerick should not, under any circumstances, be interpreted as representing my own attitude or disposition, which is, at all times – yes, even under duress – the very epitome of all-round loveliness. Thank you.)

  54. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly …

    Number One:

    “Gladys Trimble excited my lust,
    With the flagrant misuse of her bust.
    She exposed it to view,
    I was next in the queue,
    And had sight of one nipple, not two.”

    Number Two:

    “I’m six hundred and ten, give or take,
    And my staple is coconut cake.
    I eat greens, once a week,
    Helps me stay at my peak,
    Though it’s more for appearances’ sake.”

    Number Three:

    “One should always have more than one needs;
    It’s the sine qua non among creeds.
    Gather much, it’s your right,
    Count your profit each night,
    As when wisely invested, it breeds.”

    Number Four:

    “Indolence is a sin? Oh, no way!
    Why would guys go to work every day?
    All that effort – for what?
    If you stay in one spot
    Someone else will deliver. Why stray?”

    Number Five:

    “Jumping line, reprehensible act,
    Is the grossest perversion of tact.
    The respect for the queue,
    And one’s place, is a due,
    And transgressors deserve to be whacked!”

    Number Six:

    “Oh, that face! Oh, so sweet and demure!
    Don’t believe for a moment she‘s pure!
    In an attic somewhere,
    There’s a portrait, I swear,
    That would sabotage all that allure.”

    Number Seven:

    “I have ridden men down, it is true,
    But, so what? It was merely their due.
    For a man such as I,
    Normal rules don’t apply;
    I abide by the dictum, ‘Screw you!’”

  55. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number One:

    “Gladys Trimble excited my lust,
    With the flagrant misuse of her bust.
    She exposed it to view,
    I was next in the queue,
    And the sight of it drove me to musth.”

    I can only apologise – I was distracted by the subject matter. LOL

  56. Tony Holmes says:

    “By and large I take life in my stride,
    But there’s one thing I will not abide!
    I expect, when I queue,
    The respect I am due,
    It’s not something I ever let slide.”

  57. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s the guilt that is hardest to bear;
    But for that I could sin without care.
    It’s all Freud’s fault, of course.
    Did he feel no remorse –
    Leaving us with this burden to bare?”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    EVERYONE! can relate to this !

    At “Low Price” there won’t be a queue
    They’ve added more aisles to go through
    Well, now we are here
    But I’m not filled with cheer
    Cuz all that are open are two

  59. Karen Reid says:

    Here’s my timely limerick using “cue”. You choose your favorite last line.

    The prez must have acted on cue
    Then tweeted with much ballyhoo…
    Soleimani — he picked him
    His drone struck the victim
    T’was “perfect” from Trump’s point of view.

    Stand back and watch mayhem ensue.

    Trump thinks this is still Word War II.

    This murder is just a preview.

  60. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s the guilt that is hardest to bear;
    But for that I could sin without care.
    It’s all Freud’s fault, of course,
    But did he feel remorse,
    When he left us this burden to bare?”

    An improvement, I think.

  61. Tony Holmes says:

    “Ah, confession! So good for the soul.
    Clear the record and make yourself whole!”
    ‘This would seem good advice;
    But a word to the weise,
    It’s a dead cert’ to score an own goal?’

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Catching Up On Your Reading

    At the food store, when there’s a long queue
    Here’s something real cool you can do
    Read “People” and “Elle”
    They’re both really swell
    And you won’t have to pay for them too!

  63. Tony Holmes says:

    “Should you find yourself stuck in a queue;
    There’s so much that a body can do.
    One can chat, if inclined,
    Or if not, never mind;
    People watching will entertain, too.”

    You could be forgiven for thinking that I’ve copied from Lisi, but it ain’t so! (No, I don’t believe me, either.)

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    No Copying, Tony! (LOL)

    “Sin”

    The confessional sure ain’t a treasure
    The priest always balks at your “leisure”
    Cuz he’s mostly for pain
    And real big on “abstain”
    And you’re always pushin’ for pleasure

  65. Tony Holmes says:

    I didn’t – honest! XOXO

    “When you’re busting to go to the loo,
    And you find, ‘Bloody Hell! There’s a queue!’
    Do you think, ‘Rules are rules!’
    Or, ‘Please stand aside, fools!’
    Or say, ‘Spin on this, girls!’ and push through?”

    You’ve all seen enough Brit TV to know what a ‘Loo’ is – I’m going to assume. And no, I’m not sexist. There is always a much longer queue at the ‘Ladies’ than at the gents. We’re less complicated.

  66. Tony Holmes says:

    From One Who Lives Apart From The World

    “One can learn quite a lot in a queue,
    Though one questions how much can be true.
    The best news that I’ve heard –
    And I give you my word –
    Is that Clinton’s retired now – who knew?”

    A. Hermit

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    “From one vantage point, virtues entice,
    And appear more attractive than vice.
    Virtue suffers; it burns
    To grow brighter by turns,
    Whereas naughty can never suffice.”

    I was feeling guilty for all the – they might be so interpretted -‘Pro’ naughiness limericks I’ve posted. My only regret is that the ‘Pro’ ones – damn them! – are funnier.

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sin”

    True “Honor” we know should be earned
    Throughout life, that is what we’ve all learned
    But if mother and father
    With you do not bother
    Try another Commandment. Adjourned.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sin”

    Don’t covet another man’s wife
    The Bible says it can cause strife
    But “covet” is thinking
    And not even winking
    Some Commandments don’t merge with real life

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    “Pace of life in a village is slow,
    And the line will be equally so.
    It’s about what is new,
    Not your place in the queue,
    And about being kept in the know.”

  71. Tony Holmes says:

    Changed ‘Have’ to ‘Take’.

    The Seven Deadly … Number Three:

    “One should always take more than one needs;
    It’s the sine qua non among creeds.
    Gather much, it’s your right,
    Count your profit each night,
    As when wisely invested, it breeds.”

  72. Tim Gray says:

    Trump was given his cue,
    But he froze, “What do I do?”
    Then in his longest ad lib
    He proceeded to fib
    Saying about three thousand and two.

  73. Tim Gray says:

    I could say I’m sorry, I tried
    I really did try, but I lied,
    I learned in my youth
    To be sparse with the truth
    And it’s now ingrained deep inside.

  74. Kirk Miller says:

    A wild, wily widower, Will,
    On a lark, once went cuckoo for Jill.
    These birds of a feather
    Played sex games together,
    And the cardinal sin fit the bill.

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    The Seven Deadly … Number One:

    “Gladys Trimble excited my lust,
    With the flagrant misuse of her bust.
    She exposed it to view,
    I was next in the queue,
    And the sight of it triggered the musth.”

    Sorry, I’m never satisfied.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    My bananas were greenish in hue
    But I waited so long in the queue
    That when I checked out
    There sure was no doubt
    They were yellow and ready to chew

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    I stood in the queue with distress
    While hoping to have some success
    My church is unique
    Has a speedy technique
    With a line for just “10 sins or less”

  78. Dave Johnson says:

    A city devoted to sin
    Will ply you with vodka and gin.
    But when sliding your chips
    After too many sips,
    Some joker is cashing them in.

  79. Dave Johnson says:

    Her pool game – they started to mock it;
    That shy little girl with a locket.
    But, grabbing a cue,
    She knew what to do;
    Keep blasting their balls in the pocket.

  80. Roger Haugen says:

    The tenor, forgetting his cue,
    Created a royal to-do;
    What flub could be worse
    Than losing one’s verse,
    If I may respectfully asqueue?

  81. Tim James says:

    What’s “original sin”? I’ve been thrown
    By the studies I’ve done on my own.
    Because try as I might,
    I just can’t get it right:
    All my sins are already well-known.

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry Christmas we have a dispute
    ‘Fore the company comes, I say ‘SCOOT!”
    “I’ve told you before!
    “And I’ll tell you once more!
    “Adam, please stay away from the fruit!”

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    The E.R. had quite a long queue
    The patients were sick and so blue
    My greeter said, “Please
    Suppress that loud sneeze
    And your cough is disturbing me too”

  84. Dave Johnson says:

    A brothel out there on the prairie
    Is where clientele should be wary.
    To those who go in
    For a big taste of sin;
    It could be with Mary…or Barry.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    USE CASH !!

    Much impatience in “Dollar Store” queue
    It seemed there was quite a “to do”
    ‘Bout a Visa “decline”
    Which sure held up the line
    Just to pay for one damn taffy chew

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    They’re part of a privileged few;
    Not having to wait in a queue
    To enter this club.
    Patron’s shoulders may rub,
    But our strippers, no cover is due.

  87. Tim James says:

    Guess who…

    You just sit there, awaiting your cue,
    To start tweeting that nonsense you spew.
    Then the lies, spite, and bile
    Keep you going a while.
    WTF is the matter with you?

  88. Tim Gray says:

    Lying we know is a sin,
    That Trump indulges in
    It wouldn’t be bad
    If the only sin that he had…
    But one of seven for him.

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    Confession:

    “I have settled myself in a pew,
    Knowing this is the right thing to do;
    Yes, I’ll make a clean breast,
    Get it all off my chest,
    But I didn’t expect such a queue.”

    No, I haven’t been copying Lisi, again. LOL

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Even though I am feeling so sick
    To the rules of my church I must stick
    I shall not commit sins
    Cuz today Lent begins
    And I must get my ash there real quick

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bless me Father, please hear what I say:
    I had sex in a real kinky way
    “Son, on Facebook I saw
    What you did; I’M IN AWE!
    So Congrats! You’ve sure come a long way!”

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    From January 10th at 4:44 pm: a minor change in “USE CASH” !!

    Much impatience in “Dollar Store” queue
    Up front, there was quite a “to do”
    ‘Bout a Visa “decline”
    Which sure held up the line
    Just to pay for one damn Charleston Chew

  93. Tony Holmes says:

    Confession:

    “I have settled myself in a pew;
    What I do now is long overdue.
    Yes, I’ll make a clean breast,
    Get it all off my chest;
    Quite surprised by the length of the queue.”

    Sin: Important Information:

    “To be tempted, young man, is no sin,
    Not so long as you never give in.
    But the moment you yield,
    Then the judgement is sealed;
    Best abstain if you value your skin.”

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    correcting rhyming error, from today at 1:16 PM

    Bless me Father, please hear what I say
    I had real kinky sex just today
    “Son, on Facebook I saw
    What you did; I’M IN AWE!
    So Congrats! You’ve sure come a long way!”

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    Father Is Becoming More Enthusiastic:

    Bless me Father, please hear what I say
    I had real kinky sex just today
    “Son, on Facebook I saw
    What you did, I’m in awe!”
    HOLY COW! You’ve sure come a long way!”

  96. Tim James says:

    A traditional Scotsman named Hugh
    Started drinking at six, right on cue.
    Around midnight he lay,
    Kilt in full disarray,
    With the ladies enjoying the view.

  97. Jean McEwen says:

    On airplanes, there’s usually a queue
    For the toilet, despite the loud “PHEW”
    People often emit
    As they exit that pit
    In which feces so readily spew.

  98. Jean McEwen says:

    They say sloth is a venial sin,
    As are greed and a fondness for gin.
    Do you want to go mortal
    And enter the portal
    Of hell? Hire a pro, and indulge in some skin!

  99. Suellen Mayfield says:

    Lying in State

    For most of us lying’s a sin.
    Except for the politician.
    Well-placed deceptions
    Are the soul of elections,
    Where virtue is measured by wins.

  100. Tim Gray says:

    It’s plain that he is loth,
    He who’s guilty of sloth.
    To do tough and hard work,
    He’ll leave to some other jerk
    Then claim it was them both.

  101. Tim Gray says:

    Just what is it you do
    If you’re last in the job queue?
    You send word to the hirer
    That you’re an admirer
    And don’t decide till he sees you.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    We’ve all had this problem

    When you’re stuck in a very long queue
    And you urgently need to get through
    Although not in a hurry
    Oh Boy! do you worry
    If you need to go pee or go poo

  103. Tim James says:

    Said a woman who’d stood in a queue
    To buy tickets to enter the zoo:
    “Why’d I do it? It’s clear:
    There’s a wildebeest here!” —
    Which had kindled her interest agnu.

  104. Tim Gray says:

    Because you can, does it mean you should?
    Is what you want in everyone’s good,
    Or has your real need
    Been overtaken by greed?
    What in humility have you not understood?

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    correct version of limerick from January 12th at 12 pm

    When stuck in a very long queue
    And urgently need to get through
    Don’t wait for your turn
    If you have a concern
    That you might have to pee or to poo

  106. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I’ve heard tell, in the town of McLouth,
    That when Trump starts to open his mouth
    It is clearly a cue
    What comes next is untrue,
    Or his foot’s movin’ in from the south.

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    Now who’s copying, eh, Lisi? Ha, ha. LOL

    “How much time do you think might accrue
    If the time we spend queuing fell due.
    When they pay it all back,
    In a lump, or a sack –
    Oh, but would you believe it? A queue!”

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, you’ll have to file this one under, ‘SIN’. I leave it to you to decide which one. LOL

    “Whether queuing to poo or to pee,
    Do not be like Lisi and me!
    Neck and neck, to and fro,
    We’re so desperate to go,
    You would think we were in a Grand Prix.”

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    I got taken short – one syllable.

    “Whether queuing to poo or to pee,
    Do not emulate Lisi and me!
    Neck and neck, to and fro,
    We’re so desperate to go,
    You would think we were in a Grand Prix.”

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m the product of virtue deferred,
    As my father was rarely deterred.
    Mum made efforts to win,
    Just before she gave in,
    At least, that’s what I’ve always inferred.”

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    Alternate ending.

    “I’m the product of virtue deferred,
    As my father was rarely deterred.
    Mum made efforts to win,
    Just before she gave in,
    At least, that’s what told me occurred.”

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    “Whether queuing to poo or to pee,
    Do not emulate Lisi and me!
    Nip and tuck, to and fro,
    We’re so desperate to go,
    You would think we were racing Grand Prix.”

    Minor improvements.

  113. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m the product of virtue deferred,
    As my father was rarely deterred.
    Mum made efforts to win,
    Just before she gave in,
    At least, that’s what she told me occurred.”

  114. Tony Holmes says:

    Or …

    “I’m the product of virtue deferred,
    As my father was rarely deterred.
    Mum made efforts to win,
    Just before she gave in,
    And insisted she never concurred.”

  115. Tony Holmes says:

    “If the thought is a sin, then don’t think,
    Or imagine you’re taking that drink.
    Do not look – that’s as bad;
    You could end up like Dad,
    Spending half of your life in the clink.”

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    acrostic

    A buxom girl Tommy once knew
    C ame to see him in “Love Is For Two”
    T ommy felt steamy lust
    O nly stared at her bust
    ( R an amok, while he missed his next cue)

  117. Suellen Mayfield says:

    EARLY WARNING

    Gluttony’s where I begin.
    But sloth, greed, and lust soon slip in.
    I’m here to profess
    that sins of the flesh
    expand when there’s more flesh to sin.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slight change L5 acrostic

    A buxom girl Tommy once knew
    C ame to see him in “Love Is For Two”
    T ommy felt steamy lust
    O nly stared at her bust
    R an amok. Couldn’t think. Missed his cue.

  119. Tim Gray says:

    It’s clear Donald Trump couldn’t wait
    To be dead before Lying in State.
    But from the time of his youth
    He can’t tell the truth
    And he thinks it’s making him great.

  120. Tim Gray says:

    Washington could not tell a lie,
    Now, with the truth, doesn’t try.
    Oh how our leaders have changed,
    Now narcissistic, deranged
    And the country dares to ask why?

  121. Tim Gray says:

    You talk of Love, but it’s Lust,
    Burning hot, then turns to dust.
    If it’s not satisfied
    It’s defeated by Pride
    And is not a Love you can trust.

  122. Suellen Mayfield says:

    SIN SYMPHONY

    Pride, greed, lust, glutt’ny, in part,
    plus envy wrath, sloth: they’re an art.
    And if you want a medley
    of the seven deadlies,
    I know every one by heart.

  123. Larz says:

    A naughty young nudist named Sue
    Was checking out guys for a screw.
    When she saw his size
    She exclaimed with wide eyes,
    “Oh, you’ll be the first in the queue!”

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    ATTENTION!

    “For those of you in the long queue
    We’re now boarding, and here’s what we’ll do:
    The last on the plane
    Who were simply a pain
    Please go back cuz you pushed your way through”

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    “Naughty, naughty!” said Brenda. “By rights,
    We’re suspending the nuptial delights.
    It is only for lent –
    No! I will not repent;
    And besides, it’s been only two nights.”

  126. Tony Holmes says:

    “Am I naughty? Not terribly so.
    And resist when I’m tempted? Oh, no!
    Virtue’s all very fine,
    But one must draw a line;
    It’s enough I know when to say, ‘Whoa!’”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Please Hold’; Your Call Is Important To Us

    Don’t get caught in the “telephone queue”
    It’s an effort you shouldn’t pursue
    The music keeps playing
    You wait and you’re praying
    ‘Fore you know it, the whole week is through

  128. Tim Gray says:

    Modification to January 14, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    It’s clear Donald Trump couldn’t wait
    To be dead before Lying in State.
    To make each word a lie
    He doesn’t have to try
    Nor work to keep his face straight.

  129. Tim Gray says:

    Our world’s beleaguered by lies
    Claiming it’s “Truth in Disguise”.
    The real truth is hidden,
    Found by those bidden
    To clear the fog from their eyes.

  130. Tim Gray says:

    It’s a lie, but we call it the truth,
    So those with the ignorance of youth
    Will not understand
    We are being underhand…
    Even adults are still so uncouth.

  131. Tim Gray says:

    So I am a genius, look,
    It’s on the cover of a book.
    Come join the shop queue
    So you’ll get yours too
    Before the last one is took.

  132. Tim Gray says:

    Republicans understand fully
    That Trump is an out-and-out bully.
    Bring disrepute on the Firm
    And he’ll make you squirm
    And hung by your thumbs from a pulley.

  133. Tony Holmes says:

    The Sinphony Of Life

    For the priest, every day means, “Absolved.”
    For the cop, it means crimes go unsolved.
    But the judge gets to say,
    “Bailiffs! Take him away!
    And, “Arrest everyone who’s involved!”

    What can I say? I’m running in fumes.

  134. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Have you noticed? Within the word “queue”
    All the vowels are silent (it’s true!)
    They’re all waiting in line
    For the q to say, “Fine!”
    But they’ve still been declined to talk, too.

  135. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you want to avoid a long queue,
    Just pretend you’ve come down with the flu.
    Walk in crutches, then sneeze,
    Cough a lot, cut the cheese
    Till the others say, “Please! After you!”

  136. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I talk too much; oh, but it’s fun!
    Till folks hint that the boredom’s begun:
    “Just the short version, Sue”
    And I know that’s my cue
    That lets ME know my two hours are done.

  137. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I refuse to hear ministers teach
    When their practice does not match their preach.
    My soul’s been malnourished
    While their pocketbooks flourished.
    Behind ev’ry pulpit’s a leech!

  138. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Oh, Las Vegas is loaded with sin
    And you’ll lose at the slots – you can’t win!
    Evil knocks at your door
    And it’s usually a whore
    Bent on making you poor, even thin!

  139. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you sin morning, night or at noon,
    In a fiery pit you’ll be strewn.
    If you beat Satan’s drum,
    Hell will burn all you scum
    But God loves you! Please come again soon!

  140. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There isn’t a saint with no past.
    It ain’t news, so do not be aghast
    And there isn’t a sinner
    With no future (a winner?)
    Despite that his sins have amassed.

  141. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Well, much to my eyeballs’ chagrin,
    Repeating your verse is a sin.
    You aren’t a dunce
    So just type it out once
    And the groans and the grunts won’t roll in.

    Write it out on some paper at first
    There’s a good chance you’ll want words reversed.
    Just rewrite, let it spout
    Until you have no doubt
    Pick the best one; leave out all the worst.

    Broken records that come by the plateful
    Could make readers turn hateful; how fateful!
    Let this be the last time
    You repeat this sad crime
    If you stop it, then I’m-a so grateful!

    Your award-winning verses are awesome
    As your talents continue to blossom
    But along comes the trouble
    When bursting your bubble
    So please, no more doubles, just toss ’em.

  142. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The priests aren’t saints; it’s all faked.
    The hypocrisy burned; my head ached.
    They were bangin’ the nuns
    Till I saw there were buns
    In the oven, that died before baked.

  143. Suzanne Heymann says:

    God’s power became a big heist
    When redemption was sold and high-priced
    Well now, isn’t it odd
    How they represent God?
    And claim THEY have the body of Christ.

    Well, religion is, for the most part,
    All made up by some crabby old fart
    They use fear and control
    To gain hold of your soul
    Give your wallet a hole; it’s an art!

    Some are gullible, others are pissed
    And some aren’t yet sure what they’ve missed.
    Holy wars ev’ry day
    When they can’t have their way
    And you wonder why atheists exist!

  144. Tim James says:

    When Adam and Eve took their Fall
    Their sin was assigned to us all.
    What did Adam do wrong?
    He came on way too strong:
    “We’re buck naked! Let’s have us a ball!”

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    The nuns so demur in the queue
    Were waiting to have their review
    But the penguin in line
    Re-examined the shrine
    And discerned he was in the wrong pew

  146. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  147. Lisi Nortman says:

    sin and cue

    We’ve obtained a new protocol, Son
    I should warn you, it’s not too much fun
    Call us up and you’ll hear
    In a voice very clear:
    “For a Venial Sin, please press one”

    Now sadly, there’s just one more cue
    That all evil people must do:
    If you’ve done something grave
    Please try to be brave
    Then for all Mortal Sins, please press two

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    If you look at some people askew,
    They are apt to take umbrage at you.
    They, of course, are at fault,
    And are done for assault,
    When policemen arrive, right on cue.

  149. Tony Holmes says:

    Sin Phoney

    “I just wanted my colleagues to think,
    That I’m one of the lads, so I drink.
    But of late, I’m disposed
    To say, ‘Sorry! Bar’s closed.’
    And be true to myself, not this fink.”

  150. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    My guy, Gary, and I aren’t religious
    But he’s—thank you, dear Lord!—callipygous.
    Yes, that beautiful bottom
    Has me thinking of Sodom
    And the sins we’ll commit—they’re prodigious!

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    Father Jones said, “Please do me a favor
    Your confession requires a waiver
    So just sign this sheet
    Cuz I must send a tweet
    Your sicko stuff Trump would sure savor”

  152. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Real Bad Sin, Yet Convenient

    Mary’s job at the church is real swell
    It’s a secret, so nobody tell
    I taught my sweet daughter
    “To make Holy Water
    Put the stove on and boil it like hell”

  153. Suzanne Heymann says:

    In reply to Lisi above…

    It should KILL germs of all pious fools
    And then purify folks who break rules.
    If the priest feels you where
    He should really not dare,
    Pour the hot water there on his jewels!

  154. Dave Johnson says:

    While waiting outside in a queue,
    One couple knew just what to do.
    A jovial bloke,
    He recited a joke;
    Then she sang a ditty or two.

    Embracing their time in the sun,
    They gathered a crowd for the fun.
    When doors opened wide,
    No one wandered inside;
    The party had only begun.

  155. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There’s a monster with wrinkly skin,
    Beady eyes and fish lips, double chin.
    You might wish you could slug
    This beast right in the mug
    He is orange and ugly as sin.

  156. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If my words appear harsh just a smidgeon
    Whenever I speak of religion,
    It’s just aimed at the phony
    Whose twisted baloney
    Is false, and I won’t be a pigeon!

    There is no disrespect for the God
    Whose earthlings are sinfully flawed
    But when cons force their way,
    Make us fear and obey
    And financially pay, I’ll scream, “Fraud!”

  157. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 336. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Raise.

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