Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PAD at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using PAD at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

An ad-man would frequently pad
His costs, which would make his boss mad:
“You’re a cad and a cheat.
You spent THAT much to eat
And to drink? Do you think I can’t add?”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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64 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PAD at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Frank Moraes says:

    Jethro Bodine was quite sad
    ‘Cause from his new bachelor pad
    Girls would all flee
    And he couldn’t see
    Miss Hathaway thought it was rad.

  2. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Cute Guy smiled and said he was Brad.
    Hey, babe, why not drop by my pad?
    We’ll get crazy all night,
    Til the dawn’s early light
    Then get breakfast. I know you’ll be glad

    That you didn’t let me get away!
    I’m a laster, great roll in the hay,
    Just ask any girl here…
    Whoops, not her! (Too much beer.)
    We can leave now: so what do you say?

    I looked up at Brad, big blue eyes;
    Narrow hips, stomach – flat, big strong thighs.
    I’d had offers much worse
    So I looked in my purse:
    Yep. Lead on, hon, you look just my size :)

  3. Bob Leggett says:

    The frog was feeling quite glad
    As he sat on his lily pad
    Among the frog spawn
    New life being born
    He was going to be a Dad

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    Canaan, Cush, Phut and Mizraim would pad
    Through the paddy-fields feeling quite sad.
    Eating nothing but rice
    Isn’t terribly nice
    When ‘Ham’ is the name of your dad.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Moses: “This idea was bad.
    Ten commandments on stone? I’ve been had!
    Why couldn’t You write
    On a tablet that’s light
    As down from the mountain I pad?”

  6. Chantel B says:

    Tiptoeing the wooden floor pad
    Thinking the drinking has made her mad
    Spent the night with a four
    Lifts her bra off the floor
    Longest walk of shame she has ever had

    Shy of a 10? Oh, just a tad
    Hurry, hurry, this one is bad
    Slip on the dress
    Leave this mess
    Once out the door she’d be glad

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    He invited her back to his pad.
    His intentions were thoroughly bad;
    He was going to nail her –
    In fact, to impale her.
    “Hi, honey”, he said, “My name’s Vlad.”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The White House was now his new pad.
    “It’s thanks to ol’ Jeb – what a lad!
    Though he ain’t very bright”,
    Dubbya said, “When it’s tight,
    He sure knows how to dimple a chad!”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Round the forest the satyr would pad
    In pursuit of a nymph or maenad.
    She would say, not averse, “Is
    That object a thyrsus,
    Or just that to see me you’re glad?”

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    A hippy chick had a new pad,
    She shared with a really cool lad
    She had plenty of space
    And a guy to embrace
    She thought that the whole thing was rad.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    A smart woman chose not to pad
    Her bra-was proud of what she had
    She was bright and witty
    Though small, very pretty
    In bed she could drive a guy mad

  12. Dave Johnson says:

    Their grampa was not very glad;
    They’d bought him a brand new iPad.

    “The thing is a joke!
    Whenever I smoke,

    This ashtray’s the worst I have had.”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    The call-girl was scantily clad.
    He could see she had no need to pad.
    But her D-cups were wired –
    She’d been secretly hired
    To spy on the Prez for Mossad.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    The rocket was launched from its pad
    And the stuff in its payload was bad;
    Poison gas showered down
    On a rebel-held town.
    “That’ll teach them” laughed Bashar Assad.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    Old Homer was trying to pad
    Out a poem he called ‘Iliad’.
    He’d been writing for weeks
    On the Trojans and Greeks;
    Eighty lines – now, what more could he add?

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    With endowments that one wants to pad
    It’s physical and very sad.
    Not finance or mind
    But carnal, defined.
    It’s sexist and it makes me mad.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    There aren’t many rhyme-words for “PAD”,
    And none of them’s rude, which is sad.
    Maybe next week’s is “LUCKS”
    Which would give us – oh, shucks!
    I’ve forgotten the idea I had.

  18. yt cai says:

    There alone on a green lily pad
    Kermit frog was looking quite sad
    When asked”why so glum?”
    He mentioned pond scum
    The bullfrog Miss Piggy just had

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    He worked persistently on his new pad
    It took much re-doing till he was perfectly glad

    The colors were stark
    It was sexy and dark

    Too bad he lived with his mom and dad

  20. Fred Bortz says:

    “Before we make love, don’t be mad.”
    He responded, “I’ve felt your bra pad.”
    She replied with a laugh,
    “Hah! You don’t know the half.
    The fact is my birth name was Brad.”

  21. Kristin Smith says:

    from Phyllis Sterling Smith:

    The Thai dish that ended with “pad”
    Is the hottest that I’ve ever had.
    My state is now dire.
    My tongue in on fire.
    I had thought t’would be GOOD but it’s BAD.

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was looking for fun so I answered an ad
    It described a man who had a romantic pad

    There were mirrors on the ceiling
    It sounded appealing

    So I arrived and exclaimed, “Hi there, dad”

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    A proper Englishman placed an ad
    For companionship; he had a lovely pad

    There was a knock on the door
    His long-last amour

    To the unclothed woman he exclaimed: “My, you’re scantily clad”

  24. They thought that the Rajah was mad
    For building a solid gold pad.
    This golden emporium
    And fornicatorium
    Used all of the money they had.

    The place was built to rehearse
    Karma Sutra, chapter and verse,
    But the exertion required
    Meant that the Rajah expired:
    Premature ejaculation,
    Only worse.

  25. Sancho Panza says:

    There once was a keen undergrad
    Who invited a girl to his pad.
    His erotic hot dreams
    Came apart at the seams
    When she laughed at him, fully unclad.

  26. The ace, taking off in his Spad,
    Heard a noise as he rose from the pad…
    An engine — its sonic
    Description Teutonic.
    Cried he, “Motor Fokker! Egad!”

  27. As my way through the city I pad,
    I notice this theater ad:
    I call *that* a Marquee de Sad!

  28. They locked 19 young kids in their pad
    With a Bible. Surprise! It went bad.
    I used to be shiverful
    Reading of “Quiverfull”…
    Now I’m disgusted — and mad.

    While teevee show revenues pad
    Their account, they’ll stand up for their lad.
    What’s a girl to such bigots?
    A womb and two spigots —
    A pawn in their Fundie jihad.

    Away the offenders will pad,
    Their legal defense ironclad.
    And the biggest offender
    Won’t even surrender
    His mug that says “Number One Dad”.

    (my first and very last comment on this sad situation.)

  29. Got this iMessage on my iPad
    Replying to mine to Kane, (Mad)
    “My dear Mc- Cormick, (Dave)
    Love to be your sex slave
    But alas, you’ve been pipped by Pitt, (Brad).” :(

  30. Sir Lancelot (confident lad)
    Got Guinevere back to his pad
    So fearfully quick
    That they gave him a nick-
    name — they now call him “Sir Gal-I-Had”.


    After touring the waterlogged pad,
    A brilliant idea I had —
    A campaign to save face
    After blighting the place:
    “FUKUSHIMA… It’s Totally Rad!”

  32. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    “Taking bribes,” said the captain, “is bad.”
    “Sir, your info is off just a tad:
    When they learn I’m not playing,
    The men are all saying
    That I’m on the rag, not the pad.”

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a wonderful new iPAD
    Which makes everyone very glad

    It enables you to surf the net
    Finds you a cute brunette

    And walks your adorable dog, Ladd

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend’s name is Chad
    We used to meet and were so glad

    I had occasion to discover
    He found another lover

    So I burned down their clandestine pad

  35. Dave Johnson says:

    When you’re young and told you were bad,
    Just write it all down on a pad.

    After years have gone by,
    You can read it and try

    To re-live all the good times you had.

  36. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    She had warts, but she wasn’t half bad,
    So they made the short hop to his pad.
    His intention to jump ‘er
    Is now in the dumper:
    She laughed ’cause his pole’s just a tad.

  37. Tim James says:

    Many women, all scantily clad,
    Have been seen coming out of his pad.
    You can call him a rake,
    But since rubber can break,
    He now goes by another name: Dad.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    My son gave me a new iPAD
    So I could remember what I had

    He said he’s upset
    Because I forget

    So now I’ve lost it; boy, will he be mad!

  39. Judith H. Block says:

    The woman was scantily clad
    The guy took her back to his pad.
    Went beyond the pale.
    Now he is in jail.
    He got his just due- what a cad!

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    We ladies had our trusty pad
    I was a secret that all the gals had

    If we missed a month
    We had a frightening hunch

    Heavens to Murgatroyd! and EGAD!

  41. Judith H. Block says:

    Damned UPS makes me so mad
    I left a note outside my pad.
    To please ring my bell,
    Alas, can’t compel;
    Can’t refuse the package. It’s sad.

  42. She brought the guy back to her pad;
    In a moment, the pair were unclad.
    But when she got a peek
    At his hugeness, her shriek
    Could be heard in the deserts of Chad.

  43. Boy, this ad for a new cleaning pad
    Is sure dull. But the girl isn’t bad.
    Overacting? Oh, sure;
    But her wood-nymph allure
    Gives her license to ham a dry ad.

  44. She’s lovely. He’s lumpy. Why pad
    Her opinion? His lovemaking’s bad.
    To her, he’s a riddle:
    He can’t play the fiddle,
    So why did he purchase a Strad?

  45. Heather Hjorth says:

    I thought ‘twould be totally rad
    To invite Brad up to my pad
    But Angie got mad
    And injured his nads
    Thank God he’s already a Dad

  46. Towards a green glade where sheep baa’d,
    A wolf crept … Oh will this end sad? …
    No, it’s not what you think,
    He’d just brought pen and ink
    And made this wee sketch on his pad.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    He invited me to his luxurious pad
    I was stunned at all the expensive things he had

    I told him I was royalty
    With an undying loyalty

    So what if I lied, just a tad?

  48. Phil Graham says:

    A family of dwarves was quite glad
    To be told a developer had
    Built a home for them, small,
    Costing nothing at all!
    It was called “The Stay-free Mini-pad.”

  49. Tim James says:

    A guy’s tablet computer went bad.
    The I.T. gal they sent got quite mad
    When he fondled her ass.
    She’s a tough little lass:
    He now knows how to fix an eye pad.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    There once was a young lad
    Who found a secret pad

    It told a thousand stories
    Of greatness and glories

    Signed, “Entertainment by Scheherazade”

  51. Candy says:

    Fashion Non-Sense

    All of his shirts were brown plaid
    His fashion sense tending toward bad
    His only good suit
    Was one they called Zoot
    And each shoulder sported a pad

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mama sold dresses out of her lovely pad
    When the ladies left, they were all very glad

    She fixed me up with a guy
    We met on the lanai

    His name, accordingly, was Glen X Plaid

  53. Susan Lichtblau says:

    Was lonely so took out an ad
    To statistics I gave a slight pad
    Deducted 10 years
    Added glamorous rear
    And I only attracted a cad

  54. The frog had a great bachelors pad
    ‘Tho he was a bit of a cad.
    He would croak a nice song
    ‘Till the gals came along
    Then he’d smile saying “don’t call me dad”.

  55. An invitation to Mad
    I’m having a jam at my pad
    Would you bring your oboe?
    I can play the banjo
    Your presence will make us feel glad.

  56. Kristin Smith says:

    Here’s one from Phyllis Sterling Smith:

    Beware of the wily foot-pad
    For all his intentions are bad.
    According to Dickens
    He’d have just slim pickin’s
    Unless he should meet a rich lad.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Me and Joe we had a pad
    When we left we were always glad

    Then one day he said good-bye
    And firmly stated his reason why

    “My darling, your grammar is dreadfully bad”

  58. Allen Wilcox says:

    As he wandered around in the pad,
    “I think my boy’s started a fad.
    The ceiling and floor,
    The walls and the door
    Are each in a different plaid.”

  59. Allen Wilcox says:

    He paced back and forth in his pad –
    Violinist frustrated and mad,
    “I’m ambitious and smart
    And I really should start,
    But I ain’t got no strings for my Strad.”

  60. Allen Wilcox says:

    “I was speechless at first in my pad.
    She lay on the bed quite unclad.
    As I joined her and learned,
    My voice later returned
    With shouts of ‘Gadzooks’ and ‘Egad’.”

  61. Allen Wilcox says:

    It was no big surprise that her dad
    Thought her beau was a cad in her pad,
    So she said, “Oh, you must
    Support us with trust,
    We’re just like Angelina and Brad.”

  62. To take out a paper and pad
    is sen by so many as bad.
    To sit down and write
    can cause such a sight.
    The say, “Use a tablet, grandad!”

    A second date always turns sad
    when they want to go back to my pad
    when in size really
    it’s barely lily
    with just room for the bed, which is bad.

  63. Kaye Roberts says:

    The horny young blonde was so glad
    To go back to his bachelor pad

    But said when she viewed
    The guy in the nude

    “I want to have fun, but egad!”

  64. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 217.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off-Trust.