Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PAD at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using PAD at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An ad-man would frequently pad
His costs, which would make his boss mad:
“You’re a cad and a cheat.
You spent THAT much to eat
And to drink? Do you think I can’t add?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Jethro Bodine was quite sad
‘Cause from his new bachelor pad
Girls would all flee
And he couldn’t see
Miss Hathaway thought it was rad.
Cute Guy smiled and said he was Brad.
Hey, babe, why not drop by my pad?
We’ll get crazy all night,
Til the dawn’s early light
Then get breakfast. I know you’ll be glad
That you didn’t let me get away!
I’m a laster, great roll in the hay,
Just ask any girl here…
Whoops, not her! (Too much beer.)
We can leave now: so what do you say?
I looked up at Brad, big blue eyes;
Narrow hips, stomach – flat, big strong thighs.
I’d had offers much worse
So I looked in my purse:
Yep. Lead on, hon, you look just my size :)
The frog was feeling quite glad
As he sat on his lily pad
Among the frog spawn
New life being born
He was going to be a Dad
Canaan, Cush, Phut and Mizraim would pad
Through the paddy-fields feeling quite sad.
Eating nothing but rice
Isn’t terribly nice
When ‘Ham’ is the name of your dad.
Said Moses: “This idea was bad.
Ten commandments on stone? I’ve been had!
Why couldn’t You write
On a tablet that’s light
As down from the mountain I pad?”
Tiptoeing the wooden floor pad
Thinking the drinking has made her mad
Spent the night with a four
Lifts her bra off the floor
Longest walk of shame she has ever had
Shy of a 10? Oh, just a tad
Hurry, hurry, this one is bad
Slip on the dress
Leave this mess
Once out the door she’d be glad
He invited her back to his pad.
His intentions were thoroughly bad;
He was going to nail her –
In fact, to impale her.
“Hi, honey”, he said, “My name’s Vlad.”
The White House was now his new pad.
“It’s thanks to ol’ Jeb – what a lad!
Though he ain’t very bright”,
Dubbya said, “When it’s tight,
He sure knows how to dimple a chad!”
Round the forest the satyr would pad
In pursuit of a nymph or maenad.
She would say, not averse, “Is
That object a thyrsus,
Or just that to see me you’re glad?”
A hippy chick had a new pad,
She shared with a really cool lad
She had plenty of space
And a guy to embrace
She thought that the whole thing was rad.
A smart woman chose not to pad
Her bra-was proud of what she had
She was bright and witty
Though small, very pretty
In bed she could drive a guy mad
Their grampa was not very glad;
They’d bought him a brand new iPad.
“The thing is a joke!
Whenever I smoke,
This ashtray’s the worst I have had.”
The call-girl was scantily clad.
He could see she had no need to pad.
But her D-cups were wired –
She’d been secretly hired
To spy on the Prez for Mossad.
The rocket was launched from its pad
And the stuff in its payload was bad;
Poison gas showered down
On a rebel-held town.
“That’ll teach them” laughed Bashar Assad.
Old Homer was trying to pad
Out a poem he called ‘Iliad’.
He’d been writing for weeks
On the Trojans and Greeks;
Eighty lines – now, what more could he add?
With endowments that one wants to pad
It’s physical and very sad.
Not finance or mind
But carnal, defined.
It’s sexist and it makes me mad.
There aren’t many rhyme-words for “PAD”,
And none of them’s rude, which is sad.
Maybe next week’s is “LUCKS”
Which would give us – oh, shucks!
I’ve forgotten the idea I had.
There alone on a green lily pad
Kermit frog was looking quite sad
When asked”why so glum?”
He mentioned pond scum
The bullfrog Miss Piggy just had
He worked persistently on his new pad
It took much re-doing till he was perfectly glad
The colors were stark
It was sexy and dark
Too bad he lived with his mom and dad
“Before we make love, don’t be mad.”
He responded, “I’ve felt your bra pad.”
She replied with a laugh,
“Hah! You don’t know the half.
The fact is my birth name was Brad.”
from Phyllis Sterling Smith:
The Thai dish that ended with “pad”
Is the hottest that I’ve ever had.
My state is now dire.
My tongue in on fire.
I had thought t’would be GOOD but it’s BAD.
I was looking for fun so I answered an ad
It described a man who had a romantic pad
There were mirrors on the ceiling
It sounded appealing
So I arrived and exclaimed, “Hi there, dad”
A proper Englishman placed an ad
For companionship; he had a lovely pad
There was a knock on the door
His long-last amour
To the unclothed woman he exclaimed: “My, you’re scantily clad”
They thought that the Rajah was mad
For building a solid gold pad.
This golden emporium
And fornicatorium
Used all of the money they had.
Footnote:
The place was built to rehearse
Karma Sutra, chapter and verse,
But the exertion required
Meant that the Rajah expired:
Premature ejaculation,
Only worse.
There once was a keen undergrad
Who invited a girl to his pad.
His erotic hot dreams
Came apart at the seams
When she laughed at him, fully unclad.
The ace, taking off in his Spad,
Heard a noise as he rose from the pad…
An engine — its sonic
Description Teutonic.
Cried he, “Motor Fokker! Egad!”
As my way through the city I pad,
I notice this theater ad:
BROKEBACK MT — SWEET NOVEMBER
A WALK TO REMEMBER
I call *that* a Marquee de Sad!
They locked 19 young kids in their pad
With a Bible. Surprise! It went bad.
I used to be shiverful
Reading of “Quiverfull”…
Now I’m disgusted — and mad.
While teevee show revenues pad
Their account, they’ll stand up for their lad.
What’s a girl to such bigots?
A womb and two spigots —
A pawn in their Fundie jihad.
Away the offenders will pad,
Their legal defense ironclad.
And the biggest offender
Won’t even surrender
His mug that says “Number One Dad”.
(my first and very last comment on this sad situation.)
Got this iMessage on my iPad
Replying to mine to Kane, (Mad)
“My dear Mc- Cormick, (Dave)
Love to be your sex slave
But alas, you’ve been pipped by Pitt, (Brad).” :(
Sir Lancelot (confident lad)
Got Guinevere back to his pad
So fearfully quick
That they gave him a nick-
name — they now call him “Sir Gal-I-Had”.
OR DID I MEAN ‘ROENTGEN’?
After touring the waterlogged pad,
A brilliant idea I had —
A campaign to save face
After blighting the place:
“FUKUSHIMA… It’s Totally Rad!”
“Taking bribes,” said the captain, “is bad.”
“Sir, your info is off just a tad:
When they learn I’m not playing,
The men are all saying
That I’m on the rag, not the pad.”
There’s a wonderful new iPAD
Which makes everyone very glad
It enables you to surf the net
Finds you a cute brunette
And walks your adorable dog, Ladd
My boyfriend’s name is Chad
We used to meet and were so glad
I had occasion to discover
He found another lover
So I burned down their clandestine pad
When you’re young and told you were bad,
Just write it all down on a pad.
After years have gone by,
You can read it and try
To re-live all the good times you had.
She had warts, but she wasn’t half bad,
So they made the short hop to his pad.
His intention to jump ‘er
Is now in the dumper:
She laughed ’cause his pole’s just a tad.
Many women, all scantily clad,
Have been seen coming out of his pad.
You can call him a rake,
But since rubber can break,
He now goes by another name: Dad.
My son gave me a new iPAD
So I could remember what I had
He said he’s upset
Because I forget
So now I’ve lost it; boy, will he be mad!
The woman was scantily clad
The guy took her back to his pad.
Went beyond the pale.
Now he is in jail.
He got his just due- what a cad!
We ladies had our trusty pad
I was a secret that all the gals had
If we missed a month
We had a frightening hunch
Heavens to Murgatroyd! and EGAD!
Damned UPS makes me so mad
I left a note outside my pad.
To please ring my bell,
Alas, can’t compel;
Can’t refuse the package. It’s sad.
She brought the guy back to her pad;
In a moment, the pair were unclad.
But when she got a peek
At his hugeness, her shriek
Could be heard in the deserts of Chad.
Boy, this ad for a new cleaning pad
Is sure dull. But the girl isn’t bad.
Overacting? Oh, sure;
But her wood-nymph allure
Gives her license to ham a dry ad.
She’s lovely. He’s lumpy. Why pad
Her opinion? His lovemaking’s bad.
To her, he’s a riddle:
He can’t play the fiddle,
So why did he purchase a Strad?
I thought ‘twould be totally rad
To invite Brad up to my pad
But Angie got mad
And injured his nads
Thank God he’s already a Dad
Towards a green glade where sheep baa’d,
A wolf crept … Oh will this end sad? …
No, it’s not what you think,
He’d just brought pen and ink
And made this wee sketch on his pad.
He invited me to his luxurious pad
I was stunned at all the expensive things he had
I told him I was royalty
With an undying loyalty
So what if I lied, just a tad?
A family of dwarves was quite glad
To be told a developer had
Built a home for them, small,
Costing nothing at all!
It was called “The Stay-free Mini-pad.”
A guy’s tablet computer went bad.
The I.T. gal they sent got quite mad
When he fondled her ass.
She’s a tough little lass:
He now knows how to fix an eye pad.
There once was a young lad
Who found a secret pad
It told a thousand stories
Of greatness and glories
Signed, “Entertainment by Scheherazade”
Fashion Non-Sense
All of his shirts were brown plaid
His fashion sense tending toward bad
His only good suit
Was one they called Zoot
And each shoulder sported a pad
Mama sold dresses out of her lovely pad
When the ladies left, they were all very glad
She fixed me up with a guy
We met on the lanai
His name, accordingly, was Glen X Plaid
Was lonely so took out an ad
To statistics I gave a slight pad
Deducted 10 years
Added glamorous rear
And I only attracted a cad
The frog had a great bachelors pad
‘Tho he was a bit of a cad.
He would croak a nice song
‘Till the gals came along
Then he’d smile saying “don’t call me dad”.
An invitation to Mad
I’m having a jam at my pad
Would you bring your oboe?
I can play the banjo
Your presence will make us feel glad.
Here’s one from Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Beware of the wily foot-pad
For all his intentions are bad.
According to Dickens
He’d have just slim pickin’s
Unless he should meet a rich lad.
Me and Joe we had a pad
When we left we were always glad
Then one day he said good-bye
And firmly stated his reason why
“My darling, your grammar is dreadfully bad”
As he wandered around in the pad,
“I think my boy’s started a fad.
The ceiling and floor,
The walls and the door
Are each in a different plaid.”
He paced back and forth in his pad –
Violinist frustrated and mad,
“I’m ambitious and smart
And I really should start,
But I ain’t got no strings for my Strad.”
“I was speechless at first in my pad.
She lay on the bed quite unclad.
As I joined her and learned,
My voice later returned
With shouts of ‘Gadzooks’ and ‘Egad’.”
It was no big surprise that her dad
Thought her beau was a cad in her pad,
So she said, “Oh, you must
Support us with trust,
We’re just like Angelina and Brad.”
To take out a paper and pad
is sen by so many as bad.
To sit down and write
can cause such a sight.
The say, “Use a tablet, grandad!”
A second date always turns sad
when they want to go back to my pad
when in size really
it’s barely lily
with just room for the bed, which is bad.
The horny young blonde was so glad
To go back to his bachelor pad
But said when she viewed
The guy in the nude
“I want to have fun, but egad!”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 217.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off-Trust.