Trim Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow liked gals who were trim…*


A woman went in for a trim…*


A fellow was trying to trim…*


A woman was painting the trim…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Trim Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a woman who needed a trim
Cut her hair rather short on a whim,
Her spouse baldly sued
For divorce, using rude,
Snippy grounds: “She resembles a ‘him.'”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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52 Responses to “Trim Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Phyllis L says:

    A fellow liked gals who were trim,
    But they couldn’t care less for him.
    He thought they should diet
    Though he’d never try it.
    So his chance of success was quite slim.

  2. Sancho Panza says:

    A lady decided to trim
    Her pubes, on bit of a whim.
    She went from quite curly
    To look ‘little girlie’,
    An effect that was decidedly grim.

  3. Fred Bortz says:

    When he went to the mohel for a trim,
    He avowed, “My conversion’s no whim.
    It’s for wedding night pride.”
    Said the mohel, “Bless your bride!”
    “No,” the groom said with pride. “It’s for him.”

  4. Jon Gearhart says:

    Pegleg Pete kept the mainsail trim
    To keep the ride smoother for him
    But a storm rocked the ship,
    Popped his peg off his hip
    And then left him there, out on a limb.

  5. P Diane Schneider says:

    A fellow was trying to trim
    A tree and went out on a limb
    But while taking aim
    He ogled a dame
    Down came the chainsaw and hit him

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    She had asked for a shampoo and trim,
    And explained it was “just on a whim”,
    But the coiffeur misheard;
    Though he thought it absurd,
    He started shampooing her quim.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The accountant decided to trim
    His accounts. His mistake was to skim
    From the Mob; now his feet
    Are encased in concrete,
    And he doubts that he’ll manage to swim.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    My garden is tidy and trim,
    But I’ve broken my leg. It was dim;
    I was up in a tree
    Sawing branches – then, wheee!
    I’d unwisely gone out on a limb.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The girl was delightfully trim,
    And I ogled her down at the gym
    On the exercise mat,
    But I’m horribly fat,
    And my chances of screwing her, slim.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    She was elegant, pretty and trim;
    I was bursting with sexual vim,
    But my hard-on regressed
    When the hooker undressed
    And I found that the “her” was a “him”.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    How on earth does my wife stay so trim
    Though she eats till she’s full to the brim?
    “After drinks with the vicar
    (That heavenly liquor),
    A vigorous service with hymn.”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    You could hardly describe him as “trim”,
    That repellent dictatorcalled Kim.
    Though his ludicrous girth
    Causes laughter and mirth,
    His regime is exceedingly grim.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    The Carpenter started to trim
    Bearded oysters; his manners were prim.
    But the Walrus was dirty,
    And soon consumed thirty,
    Just slurping them up from the rim.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman went in for a trim
    Her hairdresser, was alas dim.
    Her hair’s now too short!
    She’ll meet him in court!
    Return there? Ha! Chances are slim!

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman went in for a trim
    And tried for more, just on a whim
    The stylist wasn’t gay,
    And he begged her to stay.
    She’d gotten him over the rim.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    A young guy went in for a trim
    Not to end up with cherubim.
    Had a straight razor shave.
    Ended up in the grave.
    Now he’s dancing with seraphim.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A cute woman went in for a trim
    When she left, her emotion was grim.
    Her tresses were cut off,
    For her it’s the wrong coif.
    Very short hair made her look too prim.

  18. gary hallock says:

    To the barber, he went for a trim
    But the barb was a babe. Lucky him!
    No, it ain’t what you thought
    But he gave it a shot
    But never got close to her quim

  19. John Sardo says:

    A fellow liked gals who were trim
    His notion of plump being dim
    Despite Rembrandt’s art
    He preferred a thin tart.
    The hard lesson he learned was quite grim.

  20. John Sardo says:

    A fellow liked gals who were trim
    And his cup runneth over the brim
    He found many willing
    It was all very thrilling.
    When his wallet grew thin they waved bye, bye to Jim.

  21. John Sardo says:

    A fellow liked gals who were trim
    Picked one up at a bar on a whim.
    He boasted with pride
    He had a great ride.
    Not knowing his money she’d skim.

  22. A woman was painting the trim
    When her head turned as she spied her “him”
    She fell off her ladder
    And dropped on an adder
    So the two were twained right on a limb!

  23. Tom Harris says:

    The young man who thought he was trim
    Went up the tree on to a limb.
    But he was porky,
    Fell, looked so dorky
    Even his mom made fun of him.

  24. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was trying to trim
    His beard in the dark, woe is him.
    His chin now is scary,
    Where once it was hairy,
    Making prospects for sex grimly dim.

  25. Tom Harris says:

    The pol’s speech, all gaudy trim
    Around rot, bull crap and flam-flim.
    He feeds to the nation
    Quite certain the voters are dim.

  26. yt cai says:

    When her Beaver needed a trim
    Ward asked June if she would let him
    Took out all of the fun
    As he learned it’s his son
    Who’s hair was too long not her quim

  27. Mark Kane says:

    On a whim, I slipped in for a trim
    With a curvy cute stylist named Kim.
    As she snipped from behind,
    And proceeded to grind,
    I grew certain this ‘Her’ was a ‘Him.’

  28. Byron Ives says:

    James loved Christmas trees and nice trim,
    But Santa had always scared him
    Said his shrink, with a snort,
    “It’s a seasonal sort
    Of rare Claustrophobia, Jim”

  29. Byron Ives says:

    Crazy Kim was out painting her trim
    When a sheriff showed up, very grim
    “Since you shot at John Dunn
    With a blank starter gun,
    You’ll be charged with a race crime, Miss Kim”

  30. Byron Ives says:

    The madam was big-boned, not trim
    She said she’d take both me and Tim
    I asked, “You mean double?”
    Said Madam, “No trouble,
    ‘Cause big girls like me need a shim.”

  31. Randy Mazie says:

    A Purim Limerick

    There once was a girl who was trim,
    masquerading as Esther on Purim.
    Some guy went agog-er
    eye-ing Esther’s sweet gragger*,
    but was embarrassed to find her a him.

    This girl, not a her, but a him
    dressed as Esther extolling Purim,
    left the temple as her,
    but when he heard a slur
    about him as a her – lights went dim!

    Randy Mazie

    * A gragger is a noisemaker used to drown out the name of Haman (the evil doer of this Jewish Holiday) when his name is read or mentioned aloud. Here the word gragger is also being used in a suggestive manner as a comedic device.

    The Writer’s Village

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    He was carrying beer and looked trim;
    ‘Twas my bar-hopping buddy named Jim.
    “Where’d that six-pack come from?”
    I inquired. Said my chum,
    “Got my six-pack, of course, at the gym.”

  33. Margaret Elwood says:

    A fellow liked gals who were trim,
    And many of those gals liked him.
    He conquered and kissed
    An endless, long list
    With his tireless vigor and vim.

    A fellow liked gals who were trim.
    But his upbringing had been so prim
    That he failed to purse
    Those gals nicest to view
    And he married a fat one. How grim!

    A fellow liked gals who were trim.
    But his wife took a view that was dim
    To his wandering eye.
    Which is why, by and by,
    She slimmed down working out at the gym.

  34. Jon Gearhart says:

    As companies downsize and trim,
    The outlook for some folks is grim.
    Those in theater? Don’t be
    Too surprised if you see
    That it’s curtains for you (likely scrim).


  35. Jon Gearhart says:

    I was needing a bit of a trim
    So I went in to visit Song Kim
    “Just a touch off my bangs,”
    I said. Song Kim said, “Thangs.”
    And then banged with her trim little quim.

  36. Kirk Miller says:

    When some branches of bushes I trim,
    I am hit in the eye by a limb.
    The impact imparts
    A whacking that smarts.
    I’ve been bushwhacked. I’m feeling quite grim.

  37. Byron Miller says:

    After giving his hedges a trim,
    Mr. Thomas peeped over the rim,
    Having noticed (there mooning
    And ardently spooning)
    His neighbours: a him and a him.

  38. Jon Gearhart says:

    From this story I might have to trim
    All the scariest bits just for him.
    My son might crap his drawers
    If I leave all the horrors.
    The whole tale is decidedly Grimm.

  39. Byron Ives says:

    She teased him while giving a trim
    “Some male pattern baldness there, Jim?”
    He was very appalled
    That she said he was bald
    “I’ve just got a wide part.” said him

  40. Allen Wilcox says:

    A guy loving gals who were trim
    Admitted his chances grew slim.
    “In my mind I’m on fire.
    I’m still fillled with desire,
    But I’m all out of vigor and vim.”

  41. Byron Ives says:

    That greyhound looks fast, fit, and trim
    And spunky! I think I’ll bet him
    But to win, nine to one?
    I’m just playing for fun
    It’s a ratio profiling whim

  42. Kirk Miller says:

    Since the tree he neglected to trim,
    Situation was looking quite grim.
    Yes, I thought it would fall,
    But said nothing at all;
    Didn’t want to go out on a limb.

  43. Colonialist says:

    A fellow was trying to trim
    Some words from his church’s old hymn,
    “It’s too long by far
    To play with guitar,
    And with organ it sounds far too prim.”

  44. Colonialist says:

    A fellow attempted to trim
    His whiskers by lights that were dim,
    His handlebar, left
    Was of twist-grip bereft,
    For, inated, it had been elim.

  45. John Armstrong says:

    A fellow liked gals who were trim
    Though his shape was a strict antonym
    He said they could bounce
    And enjoy a good jounce
    While generating an undulating rhythm

  46. Byron Ives says:

    He’s canny and looking for trim
    But only the right kind of quim
    Has to have, deep inside,
    A potent spermicide
    So none of his wigglies can swim

  47. Her body was svelte, sleek and trim,
    For herself (and to look good for him),
    Lest her frame become dense
    And he stray o’er the fence–
    Such domestic noblesse that we limn!

  48. Allen Wilcox says:

    The pilot was trying to trim,
    And the margin of error was slim.
    He leveled off ’round
    Twenty feet underground –
    A landing admittedly grim.

  49. Allen Wilcox says:

    A basketball player was trim.
    He was short. He was white. Chances slim.
    But the fans were in awe
    And surprised when they saw
    Him dunk with his head at the rim.

  50. My wife said I needed a trim
    and a membership to a good gym.
    She pointed to Shawn
    (the dude mowing our lawn)
    And said, “could you look more like him?”

  51. ANNA DOYLE says:

    A fellow liked gals who were trim
    being svelt – like , slender and slim
    he would wine them and dine them
    but bore and annoy them
    ‘Twas clear that they didn’t like him !

  52. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 183.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Crack.