Dubya's use of the English language is so ... uh ... creative, that it's often hard to tell a made-up quote from the real enchilada. So as a public service, I offer the first annual Dubya Quote Quiz. Each question consists of four quotes -- three of which George Dubya really said and one of which is a fictitious quote straight out of my satirical Dubya's Dayly Diary. So have a good time testing your Bush quote knowledge. You'll find a link to the answers at the end. No cheating now!
1 (a) "You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
(b) "They hide in caves. See, this is a different kind of war. And part of my responsibilities as your President is to remind people about the realities that we face in America. One of the realities is, is that these people hide in caves."
(c) "Well, it took a while, but I finally got that Canadian bitch fired. Who's the moron now?"
(d) "There's only one person who hugs the mothers and the widows, the wives and the kids upon the death of their loved one. Others hug but having committed the troops, I've got an additional responsibility to hug and that's me and I know what it's like."
2 (a) "If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all."
(b) "I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war."
(c) "The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production."
(d) "Poor old Trent really put his foot in it this time. And they say I misspeak!"
3 (a) "I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will."
(b) "A buncha brie & cheese eatin, wine guzzlin so-called celebs signed some kinda antiwar petition. Who cares what they think?"
(c) "There's an old...saying in Tennessee...I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once...(3 second pause)... Shame on...(4 second pause)...Shame on you....(6 second pause)...Fool me...Can't get fooled again."
(d) "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."
4 (a) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
(b) "And so, in my State of the — my State of the Union — or state — my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation — I asked Americans to give 4,000 years — 4,000 hours over the next — the rest of your life — of service to America."
(c) "There was no malfeance involved. This was an honest disagreement about accounting procedures. ... There was no malfeance, no attempt to hide anything."
(d) "I can't believe I still don't have my UN resolution. France & Russia are a whole lot harder ta push around then the Dems."
5 (a) "Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious -- I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well."
(b) "I'm glad the First Lady is here. It's an unusual job where all you've got to do is walk down from your living room and come to work. I'm really proud of Laura."
(c) "Look, my job isn't to try to nuance, my job is to tell people what I think!"
(d) "Some dumb Rusky official said North Korea's all my fault. How many furiners do I have ta get fired, before these peons learn their lesson?"
6 (a) "We got the other guy the other day who thought he was going to be -- wanted to be the 20th hijacker. He popped his head up, and now he's in detention. He's no longer a threat to America and our friends and allies. He's no longer around."
(b) "Al Gore's been runnin around doin tv interviews & peddlin some book I won't be readin. I still think we shoulda put him on the no-fly list"
(c) "It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber."
(d) "I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region."
7 (a) "I want to send the signal to our enemy that you have aroused a compassionate and decent and mighty nation, and we're going to hunt you down."
(b) "I still can't believe those Nobel peaceniks gave a prize ta Jimmy 'I've got a poem fer ya' Carter. And ta add injury ta insult, Laura made me call & congratulate him. She said it's the classy thing ta do. That's what I get fer marryin a girl who likes books!"
(c) "This is a man who continues to murder his own people, a man who has gassed -- used gas on his own citizens, a man who has used chemical weapons on his neighbors, a man who has invaded two countries, a man which hates -- who hates America, a man who loves to link up with al Qaeda, a man who is a true threat to America, to Israel, to anybody in the neighborhood."
(d) "You know, if you find a person that you've never seen before getting in a crop-duster that doesn't belong to you, report it."
8 (a) "When they asked about Dick & '04, I said that if I run again, Dick'll be my runnin mate. If? Now that's funny! A better question'd be, who will I run with when I run fer Term 3."
(b) "But all in all, it's been a fabulous year for Laura and me."
(c) "Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis."
(d) "This is one of these kind of wars where things happen and you just don't know about it. But I bet we have hauled in over a couple of thousand of these people."
9 (a) "Well, it's an unimaginable honor to be the president during the Fourth of July of this country. It means what these words say, for starters. The great inalienable rights of our country. We're blessed with such values in America. And I--it's--I'm a proud man to be the nation based upon such wonderful values."
(b) "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease."
(c) "It seems like only yesterday that I said there's no cave deep enuff ta hide from my military. I sure am glad nobody remembers."
(d) "The country is -- has gotten to know Laura, like I have gotten to know her."
10 (a) "Our nation must come together to unite."
(b) It's very important for folks to understand that when there's more trade, there's more commerce."
(c) "[The terrorists] kind of ooch around the dark corners of the world and look out, peep out around the corner -- in the meantime, send these suicide squads."
(d) "Karl is majorly steamed at that lyin weasil damn Dem DiIulio. Cause DiIulio had some hellofa nerve tellin Esquire that all White House decisions are political and that Karl's runnin the show. Which reminds me -- I have ta ask Karl when's the best time ta attack Iraq."
11 (a) "Contrary to my image as a Texan with two guns on my side, I'm more comfortable with a posse."
(b) "There's a lot of good folks at the federal level and the state level and the local level working hard -- listen, any time -- we understand the stakes now, and any time somebody is thinking about doing something to America, and somehow we're reading their thoughts, or reading their mail, we're moving on them."
(c) "The next time he messes with me, I'm gonna breach somethin a whole lot worse than protocol!"
(d) "I understand small business growth. I was one."
12 (a) "And we're too close, our relationship is too strong to endure some of the slights that come along."
(b) "Krugman's at it again, sayin the reason I refuse ta back down from privatizin Social Security is cause I have an infallibility complex. Laura says he's right cause I never admit I'm wrong. But why should I? I never am!"
(c) "It's not a very glamorous war from the sense that the cables and all the air time can cover, but it's happening."
(d) "I had the privilege of saying good-bye for a brief period of time to our First Lady who's down there in Crawford. She is -- she was born and raised in West Texas. That's kind of like western Oklahoma, not a lot of native trees and not a lot of water."
13 (a) "They thought we were weak -- of course, they never saw the Air Force football team play. They thought we'd just roll over. They thought we might file a couple of lawsuits."
(b) You know, I just, I don't have a calendar on my desk -- it's a magnificent desk, I might add, in the -- beautiful Oval Office -- that says on such and such a date we quit.
(c) "Keep good relations with the Grecians."
(d) "Edwards -- he's makin makin trouble too. He said I need ta clean up my own house if I want any credit fer usherin in corporate responsibility. Well guess what Eddy Boy -- the White House is my house, and you can't have it."
14 (a) "Boy is Karl steamed! He's had a big anti-Gore campaign ready fer months and now he has ta start over. Me, I'm kinda relieved. Cause that time during the debate when Gore came at me and gave me that weird look a his, he was really kinda scary."
(b) "We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile."
(c) "A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness."
(d) "There are a couple of cows waiting for me. You know, when I first got back from Washington, it seemed like the cows were talking back. But now that I've spent some time in Crawford, they're just cows."
15 (a) "One of the interesting things to do is drink coffee and watch Barney chase armadillos. The armadillos are out, and they love to root in our flower bed. It's good that Barney routs them out of their rooting.
(b) "I want each and every American to know for certain that I'm responsible for the decisions I make, and each of you are as well."
(c) "I want the folks to see me sitting in the same kind of seat they sit in, eating the same popcorn, peeing in the same urinal."
(d) "Jeb is freakin out and could actually lose the election. I feel kinda bad fer him. But Laura says it'd serve him right. Next time his kid's on trial, maybe he'll remember ta show up."
16 (a) "It looks like I'm gettin my UN revolu... I mean, resolution today."
(b) "I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans."
(c) "I come from a different generation from my Dad."
(d) "The legislature's job is to write law. It's the executive branch's job to interpret law."
17 (a) "I've gotta go call Jeb & calm him down. He's real upset cause some poll says McBride is gainin on him fast. What poor Jebby needs is a country ta attack!"
(b) "If the East Timorians decide to revolt, I'm sure I'll have a statement."
(c) "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right."
(d) "It was amazing I won. I was running against peace and prosperity and incumbency."
18 (a) "Whose bright idea was it ta give those guys veto power, anyway? I like vetos much better when I'm the one threatenin ta use it."
(b) "Millions of -- thousands of people -- millions of dollars and thousands of people -- millions of dollars aren't being invested and thousands of people aren't working."
(c) "I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy."
(d) "Sometimes things aren't exactly black and white when it comes to accounting procedures."
19 (a) "When you have your own money, it means you've got more money to spend."
(b) "This administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end."
(c) "America is, the harder you work, the easier the middle class ought to become, and the more money you get to keep."
(d) "Karl's kinda worried about Pelosi's mom, cause she's got Gephardt's missin balls."
20 (a) "I've got me the mandate I've been pretendin ta have fer years."
(b) "If you put your mind to it, the first-time home buyer, the low-income home buyer can have just as nice a house as anybody else."
(c) "It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."
(d) "It's about past seven in the evening here, so we're actually in different time lines."