While I've been waxing satirical about Dubya's latest class warfare attack, lots of bloggers have been writing fine commentary on Bush's economic policy and his creatively named Growth and Jobs Plan. These are some of my favorite posts: Brad DeLong, MaxSpeak, Seeing The Forest, Skippy, The Sideshow, BlissPuppet, and Stephen Bates. (Be sure to scroll down far enough to read Bates' very funny Baroque and In Debt.)
And don't forget to check out Bush's latest rant about his tax plan, North Korea, Cheney, and lots of other stuff in Dubya's Dayly Diary.
In honor of Bush's so-called "Growth and Jobs Plan," I offer "Class Warfare." Feel free to sing along to "Moon River," by Henry Mancini and Johnny Mercer, using this midi link.)
Class Warfare Song By Madeleine Begun Kane
Class warfare,
Poverty will swell
If Karl and Dubya get
Their way.
Old dream breaker,
That cruel faker.
The poor who support Bush
Will soon rue the day.
Big grifter,
Wants to run the world
To keep his pals in erl, You see.
He's driving the Dems
Round the bend.
When will his term end?
He's not the middle's friend.
Screws workers with glee.
Cut taxes
On the starving rich,
Cause wealth is such a bitch,
They say.
They seem lucky,
They're just plucky.
Their fortunes keep growing,
So don't make them pay.
George Dubya's
Right atop the world,
Wreaks havoc on the world's
Esprit.
He's helping the poor,
He'll pretend.
Wants the sick to mend,
On Bush you can depend,
If you're richer than he.
Skippy thinks that Rhodes deserves a syndicate deal.
Better Rhetor'd like to dump John Ashcroft the heal.
Simon wants to guest blog every day and have his say.
Bates prefers that he be screwed the old fashioned way.
TalkLeft warns informant deals are iffy and lax.
DailyKos proves we should keep the dividend tax.
Devra says please send her blog of the week nominations.
Andrew does his standard tortured logic gyrations.
January 6, 2003 (David Frum's Book on Bush, Joy of Sex, Wonderbra Song)
I'm no fan of former Dubya speechwriter David Frum, but I can't wait to read his new book
The Right Man: The Surprise Presidency of George W. Bush. Frum's book promotion tour starts Tuesday with a Today Show interview. Will the man who either was or wasn't fired because his wife bragged about his creating the phrase "axis of evil" dish some dirt? One can only hope.
I was shocked to learn that an updated Joy of Sex has been published in honor of the 30th anniversary of the original title. I guess Mr. Ashcroft has been falling down on the job. Then again, covering up nude works of art, harassing medical marijuana aficionados, making the country safe for gun owners, and spying on people who think we still have a First Amendment must be very time consuming.
Getting back to the Joy of Sex (and who wouldn't want to?) don't miss Christopher Buckley's very funny review of the new edition. But be sure to have a French dictionary handy. Hey, don't complain! Whenever I read Christopher's dad, I need an English dictionary.
I wanted to publish something special in honor of the Joy of Sex anniversary, but unfortunately (or fortunately) I don't write about sex. But then I remembered something I wrote for the late lamented print pub Hysteria Magazine which has never appeared online ... until now. It's not about sex, but it's close enough. (Feel free to sing along using this midi link.)
Wonderbra Song (To be sung to "Miracle of Miracles" from "Fiddler on the Roof," by Jerry Bock & Sheldon Harnick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Wonderbra can make you huge.
Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Lifts, shores up, and stacks your boobs.
Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Deepens cleavage on demand.
Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Scoops and swells your mammary glands.
The day I first tried on that bra.
That was a miracle.
That was a miracle.
They gaped and gawked and cheered "Hurrah!"
That was a miracle too.
But for all breasts be they large or small.
The most miraculous bra of all.
Is the one you never have to see.
Naked as they're born to be.
Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Tits so high they make you blush.
Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Never have they looked so lush.
I tried it merely on a dare.
That was a miracle.
That was a miracle.
Now I need a gadget for my rear.
That would be a miracle too.
But of all breasts be they large or small.
The most miraculous breasts of all.
Must be bosoms that are hanging free.
Breasts as they were meant to be.
Dubya's use of the English language is so ... uh ... creative, that it's often hard to tell a made-up quote from the real enchilada. So as a public service, I offer the first annual Dubya Quote Quiz. Each question consists of four quotes -- three of which George Dubya really said and one of which is a fictitious quote straight out of my satirical Dubya's Dayly Diary. So have a good time testing your Bush quote knowledge.
1 (a) "You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
(b) "They hide in caves. See, this is a different kind of war. And part of my responsibilities as your President is to remind people about the realities that we face in America. One of the realities is, is that these people hide in caves."
(c) "Well, it took a while, but I finally got that Canadian bitch fired. Who's the moron now?"
(d) "There's only one person who hugs the mothers and the widows, the wives and the kids upon the death of their loved one. Others hug but having committed the troops, I've got an additional responsibility to hug and that's me and I know what it's like."
2 (a) "If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all."
(b) "I've been to war. I've raised twins. If I had a choice, I'd rather go to war."
(c) "The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production."
(d) "Poor old Trent really put his foot in it this time. And they say I misspeak!"
3 (a) "I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will."
(b) "A buncha brie & cheese eatin, wine guzzlin so-called celebs signed some kinda antiwar petition. Who cares what they think?"
(c) "There's an old...saying in Tennessee...I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee that says Fool me once...(3 second pause)... Shame on...(4 second pause)...Shame on you....(6 second pause)...Fool me...Can't get fooled again."
(d) "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."
4 (a) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
(b) "And so, in my State of the — my State of the Union — or state — my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation — I asked Americans to give 4,000 years — 4,000 hours over the next — the rest of your life — of service to America."
(c) "There was no malfeance involved. This was an honest disagreement about accounting procedures. ... There was no malfeance, no attempt to hide anything."
(d) "I can't believe I still don't have my UN resolution. France & Russia are a whole lot harder ta push around then the Dems."
I just emailed the latest edition of my not-even-close-to-weekly weekly newsletter. If you'd like to read it, it's posted here. It includes Dubya's Dayly Diary excerpts, weblog excerpts, holiday humor, "Mad Searches," site reviews, and my MadLines Quiz. Subscribe info is here.
And while I'm at it, I want to do my bit to compensate for a glaring omission in LTN's awards -- they completely ignored law related humor. Whereas, such an omission is a travesty of justice, I hereby endeavor, undertake, strive, and/or venture to fill that void by designating, naming, announcing, and/or decreeing The Top Law Humor Sites for 2002 (in no particular order):
LawpSided.com Entertaining law related site, courtesy of Sean Carter -- a lawyer, standup comedian, humor writer, author and public speaker. Impressive, huh? Plus he went to a much more prestigious law school than I did, damn him!
Lawsongs Known as "The Perry Mason of Parody," Bob Noone is a lawyer who revels in the outrageous. His hilarious songs transform the law and current events into wonderful entertainment. Check his live performance schedule, listen to a song, buy a CD, or download his humorous lyrics.
LawHumor.com This funny site is "dedicated to the proposition that zealous representation of clients and furtherance of the public good can be only enhanced by a healthy willingness to poke fun at ourselves appropriately on occasion."
Stu's Views Laugh inspiring daily law and lawyer cartoons, organized topically by lawyer/cartoonist Stu Rees. Yes, lawyers can be funny. Rees runs another excellent site, StarvingArtistsLaw.com.
LawComix A collection of funny and savvy legal cartoons by lawyer-cartoonist Charles Fincher.
Andrew McClurg's Legal Humor Headquarters Professor McClurg's twisted humor site for lawyers and law students. McClurg is the former humor columnist for the American Bar Association Journal and author of "The Law School Trip," a critically acclaimed parody of legal education.
Legalhumour.com An entertaining humour site for lawyers, law students, judges, court reporters, legal secretaries, clients, criminals, & anyone else who's been touched by the law.
Power-of-attorneys.com A light hearted look at America's wacky legal profession; includes lawyer jokes, cartoons and off the wall lawsuits.
