Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist Latest Humor Columns
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Madeleine Begun Kane,
Humor Columnist,

Madeleine Begun Kane


Being a work-at-home free-lance writer has some wonderful benefits:

    a) The commute;
    b) Spending my entire wardrobe budget on a cappuccino machine; and
    c) The commute.

But best of all, I have lots of time to read spammy product announcements like this:


If you answered yes to any of these questions, you must order "The Ins and Outs of Internet Snoopery" today. A bargain at ONLY $99.99, this report will keep you one step ahead of nosy folks like Ken Starr, Mike Wallace, and the FBI.

My exclusive report, available for a limited time only, reveals Top Secret Internet Tools known only to computer hackers, private eyes, and the IRS.

For pennies a day learn how to:

    Find and/or plant embarrassing information about your enemies and friends.
    Locate people, financial data, employment info, driving records, book buying records, viagra prescriptions, and underwear preferences.
    Uncover incriminating data you can use against people who have wronged you. Or against dupes you decide to harass just because you're bored.
    Find out who voted for whom ... or at least tried to.

Information is constantly being used and sold over the internet. Don't be victimized by Internet Snoopery. Victimize somebody else!

My report will show you how to:

    Track down your old flame -- the one who dumped you for some creep and who you've been dying to punish for years.
    Find useful data about almost anyone:
       That 6th grade teacher who left you back and ruined your life.
       Your boss at McDonald's who fired you just because you were selling a little weed on the side.
       The customer who ratted you out.

I'll even teach you how to find unlisted numbers. But you have to promise not to violate your ex's Order of Protection.

Are you hard at work on your family tree? With my report you'll soon be on the cyber trail of wealthy relatives. Or filthy rich people who share your last name. People who will hand over huge gobs of cash just to shut you up.

Perhaps you don't quite trust that fellow who's running for office. With a little cyber snoopery, you'll soon become his running mate.

Do you suspect that your fellow employee stole bubblegum when he was five? My report will lead you to sites revealing preferences, predilections, and proclivities galore. And to the promotion that was supposed to be his.

My report tells you where to look on the Internet to find anything you could ever want to know about anybody living or dead. It even includes several clever credit card tricks, legal and (wink/wink) "for informational purposes only."

If you believe you're entitled to private information about innocent, well-meaning people who would never hurt a fly but who could be made to look bad anyway because, let's face it, none of us is perfect, and everything we ever did, said, and/or thought, is accessible somewhere in cyberspace if you know where to look, then you owe it to yourself to purchase "The Ins And Outs of Internet Snoopery."

Buy it now, before it's too late. Because heaven only knows what will happen if your neighbor, boss, or big brother buys it first.

Send money orders only in the sum of $99.99 payable to cash to PO BOX 666, Grand Cyber Station, NY, NY 10001.

Within minutes of receiving my report, you'll be an expert Internet Snoop. You'll even know how to send anonymous e-mail so that when you do illegal stuff that we told you how to do but specifically warned you against doing, you won't get caught.

This is the best Internet Snoopery report on the market -- YOU HAVE MY PERSONAL GUARANTEE.

If you're not completely satisfied, just return it for a full refund within 30 days.

If you can find me.


© 2000 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
1st Pub.

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