Posts Tagged ‘Time Humor’

An Age Old Protest (Limerick)

Saturday, March 12th, 2022

I’ve been told to “Spring forward!” Can’t do!
With my knees? Are you kidding? I’m through:
No more jumping and running
And springing! I’m shunning
Such acts. You mean “clock movement?” Whew!

Exit Interruptus

Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”

(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)

Timeless Limerick

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2021

Bought a grandfather clock — famous brand.
(It is lauded throughout our great land.)
But the time it displays
Has been faulty for days.
That’s the last time I buy secondhand.

Dalliance With Delay (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 11th, 2021

In case you’re wondering, Mark has NEVER had to say this to me:

Please don’t dally; you’re wasting our time.
We are late, so stop playing with rhyme.
Stare at RhymeZone tonight,
Or we’ll miss our damn our flight.
Let’s leave while I’m still in my prime.

Retirement Quandary (Limerick)

Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Mark’s retired. Congrats! He’s now free
To play twenty-four-seven with ME.
But one question: Just when
Is my down time to pen
Silly lim’ricks? (I might have to flee.)

Sundry Haiku

Saturday, July 11th, 2015

I’d like the freedom
to not write haiku today,
but my brain insists.


I am at the stage
where I like being on stage
with or without one.


My near-rhyme rejects
turned limerick leftovers
find homes in haiku.


I’m often impressed
by the drawing power
of unknown painters.


Forgive and forget?
I keep meaning to forgive,
but I forget to.


Your belief system
makes you feel superior?
Then it’s failing you.


My muse goes yonder
as I wander in wonder
at time I squander.


Spiders and crawlers
are welcome in my domain
if sent by Google.


I should have prepared
for extemporization
but ran out of time.


Music needs pauses;
I get restless when a piece
doesn’t have any.


Happy “Idiom Idiocy Day”

Thursday, April 18th, 2013

I’ll bet you didn’t know that April 18th is Idiom Idiocy Day. How do you celebrate it? By using idioms amusingly in verse, jokes, or short prose.

Limerick Ode To Idiom Idiocy Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was biding his time
And refusing to get off the dime.
He was dragging his feet
And could not take the heat.
His idiom use? It’s a crime!

Author’s Note: Idiom Idiocy Day is a brand new annual holiday established by none other than MOI. Why? Because it doesn’t exist, and it NEEDS to.

Time’s “Flight” (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Miss Rumphius asks us to write about the passage of time:

Time’s “Flight” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It is said that “time flies,” but that’s wrong,
Cuz the flights I’ve been on take too long.
I think time really flees
In a flash. It’s a tease,
Speeding fast as a dreadful act’s gong.

Sundry Haiku and Tanka

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

Prompted to write a school-related haiku, I ended up with a tanka. I just couldn’t seem to fit this true tale into a mere seventeen syllables:

Classroom clock won’t move,
its hands dulled by droning prof,
who catches my stare
and yells, “If you’re bored, then go.”
Lesson learned — I take my leave.


Continuing with an education theme, I’ve used Three Word Wednesday’s drag, mumble, penetrate prompt in this haiku:

Penetrating mind
who mumbles at his lectern —
a scholarly drag.


Drop the “f” from “flaws”
and you’re left with the word “laws,”
most of which are flawed.


What greater pleasure
than a standing ovation
from the man you love.


Demanding Limerick

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

Demanding Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow with time on his hands
Was making incessant demands.
“I’m busy, you’re not,”
Said his wife, getting hot.
“So take care of your own manly glands.”

Late Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, March 20th, 2011

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus three Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was terribly late…


A woman was terribly late…

Here’s mine:

Late Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was terribly late
To a job meeting key to his fate.
The job seemed a lock
Till he mis-set his clock,
But at least he remembered the date.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To Daylight Saving Time

Saturday, March 12th, 2011

Limerick Ode To Daylight Saving Time
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our clocks all need changing tonight.
Daylight Saving Time — oh what a blight!
We may think it a crock,
But must alter each clock
Till the powers that be see the light.

(More DST humor here.)

Save Me From Daylight Savings Time

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Are you as sick as I am of our twice-yearly clock-adjustment ritual? Do you think, as I do, that we have more than enough daylight and that there’s no need to save any?

I’m sorry, but my internal clock is sufficiently confused and doesn’t need Daylight Savings Time to make my chronic insomnia even worse. And I’m inclined to clock the next person who reminds me to change my damn clocks.

Save Me From Daylight Savings Time (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My natural clock is a mess.
Just thinking of sleep gives me stress.
Spring forward—fall back
Makes me more out of whack.
So I don’t change my clocks — I just guess.

(More DST humor here.)

Contending With Time

Monday, October 30th, 2006

Unless you live on another planet, there are never enough hours in the day. But if you use these efficiency techniques, you can win that battle with time:

1. Always do at least two things at once. While showering, write a screenplay. While sorting laundry, invent a handy appliance for the home. While chatting on the phone with a dull acquaintance, take a nap.

2. Consolidate self-improvement routines. Exercise to learn-a-language tapes while watching watercolor videos. Not only will you save time, but you’ll have thin thighs for that trip to Le Musée du Louvre.

3. Buy a speaker-phone for your kitchen. You’ll be able to cook, vacuum, and knit dog-hair booties while you talk on the phone.

4. When you’re in the kitchen, post reminder notes on the fridge. (“It’s the laundry, stupid.”)

5. Group chores alphabetically. If you have to go to the pharmacy, combine your trip with errands beginning with the letter ‘P.’ …”  (Contending With Time is continued here.)