Posts Tagged ‘October Holidays’

Yet Another Hairy Limerick

Thursday, November 11th, 2021

A pissed patron returned to Pierre’s
And demanded free haircut repairs:
“Your stylist destroyed
My look. Fire Floyd!”
The reply? “Kindly stop splitting hairs.”

(Hairstylist Appreciation Day is April 25, and National Hair Day is October 1.)

Limerick Ode To “National American Beer Day”

Wednesday, October 27th, 2021

Happy “National American Beer Day!” (October 27)

“American Beer Day” is here,
Making many compatriots cheer.
But not ME! “Why?” you ask.
Cuz my drink is a flask
Of tequila. No “Hear, hear!” to beer!

Operatic Limerick

Monday, October 25th, 2021

Happy “World Opera Day!” (October 25)

“Sustaining high notes can be hard,”
Said an opera singer who starred
In Norma; she claims
That it’s not fun and games,
But a contest of wills, no holds barred.

Not Kneeling For “Knee Day” (Limerick) (October 22)

Friday, October 22nd, 2021

Celebrate “National Knee Day?” Not me!

Say “hip, hip, hooray!” cuz it’s Knee Day?
I don’t find it a Fills-Me-With-Glee day.
Any “climb those stairs” stance
Makes my knees look askance,
So it’s more of a Please-Function-Plea day.

Embracing “Ass Day” (Limerick)

Sunday, October 17th, 2021

As you can see, I’m embracing “Ass Day.” (October 17)

It’s “Ass Day,” so celebrate rears
And relinquish your booty-size fears;
I suspect your can’s span
Ain’t as wide as a van.
Get behind it and relish the cheers!

Do Bosses Really Need/Deserve a “Boss Day?” (Limerick)

Friday, October 15th, 2021

Happy “National Boss Day!” (celebrated October 16, or the closest work day.)

When my boss said, “Please join me for brunch,”
I agreed, though I did have a hunch
That the man is a cad
And quite possibly mad.
I was right; he’s, alas, out to lunch.

Tasty Limerick

Thursday, October 14th, 2021

Happy “National Dessert Day.” (October 14)

A fellow was eating dessert.
Offered seconds, he said, “It can’t hurt.”
But his wife said, “Enough!”
“You used to be buff.”
He responded, “You used to be pert.”

Handbag Hassles (Limerick)

Sunday, October 10th, 2021

Heavy handbags are irksome indeed.
Paring down has become my new creed:
No more notebooks, spare keys.
Bye-bye iPad, change, cheese.
Net result? Never have what I need!

Happy National Handbag Day! (October 10)

Egg Myths (Limerick)

Friday, October 8th, 2021

“World Egg Day” has given me an excuse to write this limerick rant:

“Do NOT eat the yolks of your eggs!”
“Just the egg whites,” they said – (the egg-dregs.)
Now such counsel’s passé
Re cholesterol. Yay!
All those egg lies no longer have legs.

It’s A Frappe (Limerick)

Thursday, October 7th, 2021

Happy National Frappe Day! (October 7)

“This diner has fabulous cakes
And surprisingly tasty strip steaks.
Their fish and chips dinner
Is surely a winner.
But sundaes and frappes? No great shakes!”

Happy Golf Lovers Day! (October 4) (Limerick)

Monday, October 4th, 2021

Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:

As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”

For Heaven Sakes, Celebrate “Sake Day!” (Oct. 1) (Limerick)

Friday, October 1st, 2021

Although I share this woman’s fondness for cold sake, this limerick ISN’T about me. (Happy Sake Day!)

“No wonder our marriage was rocky;
All my ex does is eat and watch hockey.
And the chip on his shoulder
Is big as a boulder…
Plus Milwaukee has lousy cold sake.”

Limerick Ode To Internet Day (October 29)

Monday, October 29th, 2018

Is the Net good or bad at its core?
For it’s frequently hard to adore.
But on “Internet Day”
All in all, I must say
That it DOES make us hard to ignore.

Pining For Spines (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 16th, 2018

This has nothing to do with World Spine Day (Oct. 16,) but it DOES include the word “spine.” That should count for something, right?

When I try to read e-books, I pine
For the texture of paper and spine.
I can see their appeal,
But for me there’s no deal,
And I cherish my library/shrine.

Happy National Handbag Day (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 10th, 2017

My handbag is always too small
Cuz I suffer from portable sprawl;
Seems I “need” so much junk,
Nothing short of a trunk
Could manage to handle my haul.

Happy National Handbag Day! (October 10)

Me Celebrate Greasy Foods Day? Not On Your Life! (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 25th, 2016

I do not understand the appeal
Of a greasy and fat-laden meal.
Yet folks by the tons
Risk getting the runs
From fried items, with heart-stopping zeal.

Happy Greasy Foods Day! (October 25)

It’s Bologna Day — No Baloney! (Limerick)

Monday, October 24th, 2016

At the taste of bologna, I groan.
Processed meats make me cringe, gag, and moan.
Yet for some, they’re a treat.
Keep your mystery meat,
Else my face shall be meeting my “throne.”

Happy National Bologna Day! (October 24)

What Have They Done To My Treats? (2-Verse Limerick)

Sunday, November 1st, 2015

Halloween week I sampled some candy,
But stuff that I used to find dandy
Made me cringe with distaste.
Has aging laid waste
To my taste buds? I’d rather drink brandy.

Have the folks who make chocolate treats
Altered recipes, cheapened these sweets
Till they taste like debris?
Is it them? Is it me?
Either way, here come healthier eats.

Halloween Teens (Limerick)

Friday, October 30th, 2015

Halloween, when the teens come around,
They will surely be sugar-high bound.
Will they scarf up their treats
While they’re combing the streets?
Yes they’ll feast as the pavement they pound.

The Felonious Feline (Limerick)

Thursday, October 29th, 2015

Just in time for National Cat Day (Oct 29):

Dear cat, you can’t dupe me with purr-bull,
And you don’t deserve anything herbal.
No treats and no pity,
Felonious kitty!
I’ve proof that you’ve eaten my gerbil.