“I’m sick of your cockatiel’s turds!
Plus it bit me again!” — angry words
From a roommate, unmuffled,
Whose feathers were ruffled.
“I’m moving. Your pet’s for the birds!”
*****
There are several bird-related holidays:
National Bird Day (January 5)
Northern Parrots National Cockatiel Day (May 20)
World Parrot Day (May 31)
Many people are prone to get frisky
The minute they guzzle some whiskey.
But it’s worse, you’ll agree,
When while off on a spree,
Their behavior’s (tsk-tsk) rather risky.
Happy World Whiskey Day! (3rd Saturday of May)
A fellow was planning to plant
Some fruit, but his wife said, “You can’t.
I hate to sound mean,
But your thumbs aren’t green;
Seems your nurturing talents are scant.”
May 18 is Fascination of Plants Day and May 19 is Plant Something Day.
Happy birthday Edward Lear and happy Limerick Day! But about those redundant Lear last lines:
This limerick lacks a good ending.
And please note that I’m sure not defending
Any Lear final line.
(Are they dull by design?)
This limerick lacks a good ending.
Pilots know their career’s on the wane
When bosses respond with disdain
To suggestions they make,
And tell them to take
A long trip on a very slow train.
(National Train Day falls on the second Saturday of May.)
There once was a newlywed rhino
Who discovered her mate was a wino.
“We’re endangered,” she’d curse.
“Your damn wine makes it worse!”
“White wine’s fine,” he replied. “I’m albino.”
(My first rhino limerick is here. It’s included in the International Poetry Anthology For Rhino in a Shrinking World.)
Happy World Rhino Day! (September 22)
Oh brother! It’s Brothers Day. Wow!
I’ve got me a good one. And how!
With a heart off the chart
Arthur (now known as Art)
Is unrivaled. Please Art, take a bow.
Brothers Day (May 24) is actually meant to celebrate the bond between brothers. But since I missed Brother And Sister Day on March 26, and Siblings Day on April 10, this will have to do.
Asparagus doesn’t appeal to me,
And it guts what might be a good meal to me.
Brussels sprouts can be yummy.
With brocc’li I’m chummy.
But asparagus spears are “no deal” to me.
May 24 is Asparagus Day.
For some with a wealth-building mission,
“Be A Millionaire Day’s” a tradition.
And today is the day;
Yes each 20th of May
They display their great LACK of ambition.
Since it’s Golf Day, I thought I’d address
My embarrassing lack of finesse
Playing golf; Any game
That requires an aim
Leaves me minimal chance of success.
An odometer’s great when I drive,
As I try to guess when we’ll arrive.
But I also get mileage
From lims — even smileage.
But no limming while driving — no jive!
May 12th is National Odometer Day.
Gals remember your trusty school nurse?
You’d tell her, “I’m sick. It’s ‘the curse.’
I have to skip gym
And lie down. All my vim
Has vamoosed and the pain’s getting worse!”
(National School Nurse Day falls on the Wednesday of National Nurse Week, which is May 6 through May 12.)
“Intuition is something I trust,”
Said a gal when told trust is a must.
“I instinctively feel
That you’re surely a heel
Who would tempt me with feelings of lust.”
May 10th is Trust Your Intuition Day.
AWOL socks are a grim laundry given;
Former pairs inexplicably riven,
Dresser drawers oddly littered
With orphans, embittered
And wond’rin’ where old mates are livin’.
May 9 is National Lost Sock Memorial Day. And December 4 is National Sock Day.
A man who was known for his rants
Was caught on the street with no pants.
He was standing half-nude
With a bellicose tude,
On par with his usual stance.
But he HAD a defense for his act
That accounts for the clothing he lacked;
The fellow’s fine mission
Was spur recognition —
“No Pants Day’s” today! That’s a fact.
Happy “No Pants Day!” (First Friday of May)
If you’re five-four or under, “petite”
Is what many will call you. Don’t cheat
And pretend to be taller;
Be proud that you’re smaller…
Then savor a thick booster seat.
May 4 is Petite And Proud Day.
And yes, at only five-zero, I’ve been known to use a “booster” provided by a Broadway Theater — the very same one used (according to an usher) by Peter Dinklage.
It’s time for a string of rhymed words
To acknowledge this day for the birds.
And to those who cry foul
With an anti-lim howl,
How dare you insult lim’rick nerds!
There are three separate bird days, that I know of: Bird Day, National Bird Day and Migratory Bird Day
Bird Day is today, May 4. National Bird Day falls on January 5. And Migratory Bird Day is celebrated on the second Saturday in May.
A professor, while teaching a class,
Called one of his students an ass;
Not a classy remark,
But his class (this is stark)
Loudly cheered his assessment en masse.
National Teacher Day, also known as Teacher Appreciation Day, is celebrated during the first full week of May, on a Tuesday.
If you’re wearing a shoe that is black
And another that’s brown, is that wack?
Not today; On May third
It’s endorsed – not absurd –
Your defense, should you get any flack.
Happy Wear Two Different Colored Shoes Day. (May 3)
Holiday Tip (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m presenting a holiday tip.
No it’s not what you think. Get a grip!
It is Waitstaff Day. See?
And I’m sure you’ll agree
That those folks deserve more than this quip.
(National Waitstaff Day — May 21)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
