Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Humor’

Tied Up In Knots (Limerick)

Saturday, December 18th, 2021

This limerick would, alas, be timely, even if today (December 18) weren’t “World Knot Tying Day.”

A woman was tied up in knots
Over Covid. She feared for her tots.
Said her husband, “No vax!
I’d rather eat wax!”
In their fam’ly, the dolt calls the shots.

Out Of Sorts About “Jorts” (Limerick)

Friday, December 17th, 2021

When I learn a new word like “jorts,” I feel compelled to use it in a limerick:

“Don’t you dare wear those frumpy old jorts,”
A gal to her husband exhorts.
“Making shorts out of jeans
Is a well-designed means
To induce me to take to the courts.”

A Knotty Issue (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

“Though it’s fine that my boyfriend is naughty,
A bit bossy and bad-ass and dotty,
His obsession with bots
Has me tied up in knots.
So I can’t tie the knot with that hottie.”

A Hampered Relationship (Limerick)

Saturday, November 20th, 2021

“Wet clothes in the hamper? That’s foul!”
Said a gal to her spouse, with a scowl.
“What is wrong with you men!?
If you do it again,
I’ll divorce you and throw in the towel.”

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Cruise or Crews or Cruse at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: November 27, 2021)

Sunday, November 14th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Cruise or Crews or Cruse at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Retirement, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Retirement-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 27, 2021, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CRUISE or CREWS or CRUSE-rhyme limerick:

My muse often gives me the blues.
When I ask her for help, she’ll refuse.
She’ll mock me and roast me
And frequently ghost me.
She’s AWOL right now — on a cruise.

And here’s my RETIREMENT-themed limerick:

“It is best to acknowledge the truth
And retire; you’re way past your youth,”
Said a gal to her spouse,
Who’s a dentist. “Don’t grouse!
Just face facts: You are long in the tooth.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

When I Rise, I Don’t Shine (Limerick)

Monday, November 1st, 2021

Ev’ry day when I rise, hubby greets me
With political news, which depletes me.
He’s eager to share it,
But I just can’t bear it,
Cuz pre-caffeine info defeats me.

Tasty Limerick

Thursday, October 14th, 2021

Happy “National Dessert Day.” (October 14)

A fellow was eating dessert.
Offered seconds, he said, “It can’t hurt.”
But his wife said, “Enough!”
“You used to be buff.”
He responded, “You used to be pert.”

For Heaven Sakes, Celebrate “Sake Day!” (Oct. 1) (Limerick)

Friday, October 1st, 2021

Although I share this woman’s fondness for cold sake, this limerick ISN’T about me. (Happy Sake Day!)

“No wonder our marriage was rocky;
All my ex does is eat and watch hockey.
And the chip on his shoulder
Is big as a boulder…
Plus Milwaukee has lousy cold sake.”

Fishing For An Alibi (Limerick)

Saturday, September 25th, 2021

“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”

Retirement Quandary (Limerick)

Thursday, August 5th, 2021

Mark’s retired. Congrats! He’s now free
To play twenty-four-seven with ME.
But one question: Just when
Is my down time to pen
Silly lim’ricks? (I might have to flee.)

Birthday Limerick For Hubby Mark

Friday, July 9th, 2021

Here’s a birthday limerick for my husband Mark, in response to his joking (I hope) query: “Mad, it’s my Birthday, and I’m feeling a bit down, so would it be OK if I visited our local ecdysiast?”

Happy birthday to Mark! You’re the best!
Though you’re old, you still live life with zest.
I am joking, of course;
If you’re old, I perforce
Am antique. (So no dancers undressed!)

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 26, 2021)

Saturday, June 12th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TIMING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TIMING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 27, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 26, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST-rhyme two-verse limerick:

A man was consumed and obsessed
With his passionate study of EST.
He threatened divorce
In order to force
His spouse to embrace the same quest.

His wife in response said, “You’re mad!
And that fad’s turned you into a cad.
It’s controlling your mind.
We’re no longer aligned.
Quit that cult, or I’ll marry your dad.”

And here’s my TIMING-themed limerick:

A pianist who hailed from Venango
Was teaching while munching a mango.
“Your timing is off,”
She said with a scoff:
“It’s a waltz in 3/8; NOT a tango!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Locks or Lox or Lochs or Lawks at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 30, 2021)

Saturday, January 16th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Locks or Lox or Lochs or Lawks at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Instruments, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Instruments-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 31, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 30, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my Locks/Lox/Lochs/Lawks-rhyme limerick:

“See that gal over there? What a fox!”
Said a man of a woman whose locks
Were curly and long
And worthy of song.
But the rest of her? More like an ox.

And here’s my Instruments-themed limerick:

A musician I know plays the lute,
And her husband is gifted on flute.
They duet ev’ry day
On their instruments. Hey!
Your mind OUT of the gutter, you brute!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: November 21, 2020)

Saturday, November 7th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CONFESSIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CONFESSION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 22, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 21, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL-rhyme limerick:

A pickpocket, locked in a cell,
Describes it as “nitemarish hell.”
Now the skell’s penned a book;
Hopes to sell it by hook
Or by crook. But the schnook just can’t spell.

And here’s my CONFESSIONS-themed limerick:

A fellow confessed he was bi
To his wife, who replied “I won’t lie;
I’m upset.” (Her tears flowed.)
“So here’s what I’m owed:
A three-way with you and your guy.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WINE or WHINE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: September 12, 2020)

Saturday, August 29th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WINE or WHINE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DRIVING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DRIVING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 13, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 12, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my WINE/WHINE-rhyme limerick:

A fellow would often combine
Hard liquor, champagne and red wine,
But he rarely got kicks
From his regular fix…
Though he DID get a box made of pine.

And here’s my DRIVING-themed limerick:

A woman would often lambast
Her husband for driving too fast.
He responded “I drive
Really quick cuz I strive
For an end to the time I’m harassed.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Meeting Anniversary Limerick (Two-Verse)

Saturday, April 20th, 2019

It’s been forty-two years since I met
My dear spouse. (No, we weren’t wed yet.)
My then husband-to-be
Swiftly said: “Marry ME!”
I agreed (making friends lose a bet.)

For my failure to date or to mingle
Made people assume I’d stay single.
I’d at best be a “beard,”
And to most I appeared
No more likely to wed … than be NINGAL*.

*NINGAL: “Sumerian goddess, whose name means Great Lady, the wife of the moon god…”

More Life With Mark and Madeleine

Tuesday, February 19th, 2019

Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Mark: Which band is this?

Madeleine: Damn! I need a hint.

Mark: If I phrase it differently, I’ll give it away.

Madeleine: What a great hint!

Mark: What???

Madeleine: No, “Who!”

Happy 41st Meeting Anniversary To Hubby Mark (Limerick)

Friday, April 20th, 2018

I concede this sounds rather insane,
But I found my true love on a train;
Not a club, not a bar,
But the LIRR
Changed my life — gave me Mark Gary Kane.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STEAL or STEEL at the end of any one line

Saturday, January 6th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STEAL or STEEL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEENS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TEEN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 21, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 20, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal made attempts to conceal
Her marital motives with zeal;
She wanted a guy
Who was rich and could buy
All she wanted or, failing that, steal.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Life With Mark And Madeleine

Saturday, November 25th, 2017

*****
Mark: I’m sorry I’m so nasty to you.

Madeleine: I’m sorry you’re so nasty to me too.

Mark: At least we can agree on SOMETHING.

*****
Mark: We make a great team!

Madeleine: Why?

Mark: We complement each other well.

Madeleine: Thanks for the compliment!

*****
Mark: “You have to hear how this [random scientific innovation] works!”

Me: “You know your techie explanations always hurt my head.”

Mark: “Can’t you at least pretend to listen?”

Me: “How convincingly do I have to pretend?”

*****

Mark: Have you ever heard “Alice’s Restaurant?”

Madeleine: Yes.

Mark. Many people have a tradition of listening to it every Thanksgiving.

Madeleine: I too have a tradition…

Mark: Great!

Madeleine: …of avoiding it.

*****

#LifeWithMarkAndMadeleine #LifeWithMadeleineAndMark