Archive for the ‘Outdoors Humor’ Category

The Ex-Jogger (Limerick)

Sunday, November 27th, 2022

A fellow who frequently jogs
Tripped over some badly placed logs.
He fell down, hit his noggin,
Which ended his joggin’.
His new hobby is verse about “frogs.”

Still Bugged By Mosquitoes (Limerick)

Monday, July 11th, 2022

Wherever I go (or I’ve been)
Bugs attack me, ignoring my kin.
I scratch and I itch
And I can’t help but bitch…
Cuz mosquitoes get under my skin!

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

Not-So-Early Riser (Limerick)

Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Get up early for fishing? I’ll yawn
From the thought of awak’ning by dawn.
At the end of the day,
My choice is “No Way!”
I like rising when sunlight’s all gawn.

An Age-Old Story (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

Although her great-uncle was old,
He still loved to play sports; he was bold
And he gave it his all
When he lunged for a ball.
He’d but ONE worry: Catching a cold!

Long-Winded Limerick

Wednesday, April 6th, 2022

A marathon runner named Ace
Loved to brag about every damn race.
His long-winded tales
Would induce plaintive wails:
“Stop meandering. Cut to the chase!”

Something ELSE To Worry About (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 9th, 2022

If only I were making this story up: Headline: “Giant spiders expected to drop from sky across the East Coast this spring”

“Giant spiders,” East Coast-bound, this spring;
Using parachute-webs, down they’ll swing.
“Invasive,” yet “harmless?”
I’m far from alarmless
O’er spider hordes — beasts on the wing.

Snow’s Afoot! (Limerick)

Thursday, January 27th, 2022

A Nor’easter is headed here soon.
With snow we are set to be strewn;
Twelve inches expected!
I’m feeling dejected,
As forecasters breathlessly swoon.

Happy Golf Lovers Day! (October 4) (Limerick)

Monday, October 4th, 2021

Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:

As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”

Whimsical Limerick

Monday, September 20th, 2021

A man in the mood for a swim,
Who would frequently act on a whim,
Dove into a pool
From a tree; hurt his tool…
Vowed to stop going out on a limb.

Fun In The Sun? (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 31st, 2021

“I warned you: That lotion’s been banned,
And your skin is too pale to get tanned.
No beach, I beseech you!
But words never reach you.
You bury your head in the sand.”

Out On A Limb (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 10th, 2021

Once again, I was out on a limb.
I had climbed up a tree on a whim.
(A literal beech;
Not a figure of speech.)
Was safety in reach? Chances slim.

(Note: Even back when I was young, spry, and had good, functioning knee joints, I never climbed trees.)

Not Lapping Up “Swim A Lap Day” (Limerick)

Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Happy “Swim A Lap Day!” (June 24)

“Swim A Lap Day?” I’ve heard that it’s here.
But my swimming is dreadful, I fear.
My strokes are too wild,
And I thrash like a child,
So it’s best that I rest on the pier.

Who’s Having That Picnic? (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 18th, 2019

Picnics certainly hold some appeal,
For it’s hard not to savor a meal
Where the air’s fresh and sweet,
Though it sure would be neat,
If those bugs had a trifle less zeal.

Happy International Picnic Day (June 18)

Happy Get Outdoors Day (Quatrain)

Saturday, June 8th, 2019

My quatrain “celebrating” National Get Outdoors Day. (Second Saturday of June)

The sky was so effulgent,
it lured me outside.
But the temps and gusts were brutal.
Seems that sneaky sun lied.

More Snow? Oh, Shove It! (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 21st, 2018

I’m just back from the front of our house,
Where the heavens continue to douse
Our brick steps and our walk.
Though at shov’ling I balk,
I heave snow-mountains — NOT that I’d grouse.

That Snow Job They Call Spring (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 21st, 2018

Spring’s begun with a bang! I’m annoyed,
Cuz more shov’ling I’d rather avoid,
But since stuff from above’ll
Not stop, need my shovel.
That tool, alas, must be deployed!

First Day Of Spring? NOT In New York! (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 20th, 2018

It’s the first day of spring? I don’t buy it,
Cuz the elements surely defy it;
Twelve inches of snow
Are on route here, so NO!
Don’t insist that it’s spring. I’ll deny it.

Happy Birthday, Bikini (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 5th, 2016

Today’s the bikini’s 70th birthday. So happy World Bikini Day!

I’ve never dared don a bikini;
They’re too skimpily small — teeny-weenie.
Call me shy if you must,
But I simply don’t lust
After beachwear that’s dwarfed by a beanie.

Not That I’m Complaining, But… (Limerick)

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

I’m not writing a climate-change screed,
But I’d wager most folks would concede
This is crazy as heck:
Icy drinks on our deck,
Late December, New York. Coat? No need!

A Limerick To Help You Celebrate “Eat Outside Day” (August 31)

Sunday, August 30th, 2015

Brace yourself! Tomorrow, August 31, is Eat Outside Day.

Although eating outside can be fun,
My enjoyment is quickly undone
By insects that join
To dine on one’s loin.
Just one bite, and I’ll bug out and run.