Archive for the ‘Outdoors Humor’ Category

An Athletic Test (Limerick)

Monday, November 13th, 2023

An athlete ran nude down the street
And was caught by the cops — no mean feat.
He explained (all erect)
“‘Twas a test to detect
If detectives on foot can be fleet.”

The Disgruntled Worker (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 1st, 2023

Said a worker, “My life’s out of whack:
I mow lawns on a large cul-de-sac.
How I hate dead-end jobs!
My employers are snobs.
They own mansions; I live in a shack!”

Smoky Days Are Here Again (Limerick)

Friday, June 30th, 2023

Canadian smoke has returned;
Acrid remnants of forests that burned
Nowhere near New York City
Have turned our air gritty.
That stroll I attempted? Adjourned!

Birding Gone Bad (Limerick)

Thursday, May 4th, 2023

I was birding alone in a park,
When it suddenly got rather dark;
Though the forecast was “clear,”
Rain and hail were now here.
This was NOT my idea of a lark.

(Happy “Bird Day” — May 4.)

Mini-Golf Madness (Limerick)

Saturday, April 22nd, 2023

Last weekend, we took a short stroll
To a mini-golf range — a fun goal,
Though I CAN’T aim at all;
Ended up with no ball,
Its location, alas, a black hole.

Unadventurous Limerick

Monday, March 13th, 2023

An adventurous person? Hee-hee!
I’m a bit of a coward, you see.
So to physical risks,
I say “No!” All my discs
And my bones seem essential to me.

Risky Ramble (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 6th, 2022

When I encounter a new-to-me word, I often challenge myself to use it in a limerick. Today’s ancient and obscure, but (lucky for me) rhymable word is “cramble.” (As a noun, it refers to broken tree branches thrown to the ground and usable for craft or firewood.)

Through the forest, my husband would ramble
In his quest for good fireplace cramble.
Soon a fire would blaze,
And before it we’d gaze,
As he bandaged his wounds from the bramble.

The Ex-Jogger (Limerick)

Sunday, November 27th, 2022

A fellow who frequently jogs
Tripped over some badly placed logs.
He fell down, hit his noggin,
Which ended his joggin’.
His new hobby is verse about “frogs.”

Still Bugged By Mosquitoes (Limerick)

Monday, July 11th, 2022

Wherever I go (or I’ve been)
Bugs attack me, ignoring my kin.
I scratch and I itch
And I can’t help but bitch…
Cuz mosquitoes get under my skin!

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

Not-So-Early Riser (Limerick)

Monday, May 23rd, 2022

Get up early for fishing? I’ll yawn
From the thought of awak’ning by dawn.
At the end of the day,
My choice is “No Way!”
I like rising when sunlight’s all gawn.

An Age-Old Story (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

Although her great-uncle was old,
He still loved to play sports; he was bold
And he gave it his all
When he lunged for a ball.
He’d but ONE worry: Catching a cold!

Long-Winded Limerick

Wednesday, April 6th, 2022

A marathon runner named Ace
Loved to brag about every damn race.
His long-winded tales
Would induce plaintive wails:
“Stop meandering. Cut to the chase!”

Something ELSE To Worry About (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 9th, 2022

If only I were making this story up: Headline: “Giant spiders expected to drop from sky across the East Coast this spring”

“Giant spiders,” East Coast-bound, this spring;
Using parachute-webs, down they’ll swing.
“Invasive,” yet “harmless?”
I’m far from alarmless
O’er spider hordes — beasts on the wing.

Snow’s Afoot! (Limerick)

Thursday, January 27th, 2022

A Nor’easter is headed here soon.
With snow we are set to be strewn;
Twelve inches expected!
I’m feeling dejected,
As forecasters breathlessly swoon.

Happy Golf Lovers Day! (October 4) (Limerick)

Monday, October 4th, 2021

Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:

As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”

Whimsical Limerick

Monday, September 20th, 2021

A man in the mood for a swim,
Who would frequently act on a whim,
Dove into a pool
From a tree; hurt his tool…
Vowed to stop going out on a limb.

Fun In The Sun? (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 31st, 2021

“I warned you: That lotion’s been banned,
And your skin is too pale to get tanned.
No beach, I beseech you!
But words never reach you.
You bury your head in the sand.”

Out On A Limb (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 10th, 2021

Once again, I was out on a limb.
I had climbed up a tree on a whim.
(A literal beech;
Not a figure of speech.)
Was safety in reach? Chances slim.

(Note: Even back when I was young, spry, and had good, functioning knee joints, I never climbed trees.)

Not Lapping Up “Swim A Lap Day” (Limerick)

Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Happy “Swim A Lap Day!” (June 24)

“Swim A Lap Day?” I’ve heard that it’s here.
But my swimming is dreadful, I fear.
My strokes are too wild,
And I thrash like a child,
So it’s best that I rest on the pier.

Who’s Having That Picnic? (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 18th, 2019

Picnics certainly hold some appeal,
For it’s hard not to savor a meal
Where the air’s fresh and sweet,
Though it sure would be neat,
If those bugs had a trifle less zeal.

Happy International Picnic Day (June 18)