Archive for the ‘Odd Holidays’ Category

Embracing “Ass Day” (Limerick)

Sunday, October 17th, 2021

As you can see, I’m embracing “Ass Day.” (October 17)

It’s “Ass Day,” so celebrate rears
And relinquish your booty-size fears;
I suspect your can’s span
Ain’t as wide as a van.
Get behind it and relish the cheers!

Do Bosses Really Need/Deserve a “Boss Day?” (Limerick)

Friday, October 15th, 2021

Happy “National Boss Day!” (celebrated October 16, or the closest work day.)

When my boss said, “Please join me for brunch,”
I agreed, though I did have a hunch
That the man is a cad
And quite possibly mad.
I was right; he’s, alas, out to lunch.

Tasty Limerick

Thursday, October 14th, 2021

Happy “National Dessert Day.” (October 14)

A fellow was eating dessert.
Offered seconds, he said, “It can’t hurt.”
But his wife said, “Enough!”
“You used to be buff.”
He responded, “You used to be pert.”

Handbag Hassles (Limerick)

Sunday, October 10th, 2021

Heavy handbags are irksome indeed.
Paring down has become my new creed:
No more notebooks, spare keys.
Bye-bye iPad, change, cheese.
Net result? Never have what I need!

Happy National Handbag Day! (October 10)

Egg Myths (Limerick)

Friday, October 8th, 2021

“World Egg Day” has given me an excuse to write this limerick rant:

“Do NOT eat the yolks of your eggs!”
“Just the egg whites,” they said – (the egg-dregs.)
Now such counsel’s passé
Re cholesterol. Yay!
All those egg lies no longer have legs.

It’s A Frappe (Limerick)

Thursday, October 7th, 2021

Happy National Frappe Day! (October 7)

“This diner has fabulous cakes
And surprisingly tasty strip steaks.
Their fish and chips dinner
Is surely a winner.
But sundaes and frappes? No great shakes!”

Happy Golf Lovers Day! (October 4) (Limerick)

Monday, October 4th, 2021

Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:

As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”

For Heaven Sakes, Celebrate “Sake Day!” (Oct. 1) (Limerick)

Friday, October 1st, 2021

Although I share this woman’s fondness for cold sake, this limerick ISN’T about me. (Happy Sake Day!)

“No wonder our marriage was rocky;
All my ex does is eat and watch hockey.
And the chip on his shoulder
Is big as a boulder…
Plus Milwaukee has lousy cold sake.”

Happy National Punctuation Day — September 24 (Haiku)

Friday, September 24th, 2021

Punctuation Day
questionable holiday
arrives without bang

Happy National Punctuation Day!

(I decided to provide that bang, after all.)

Ill-Bred Limerick

Thursday, August 26th, 2021

Happy “National Dog Day.” (August 26)

My favorite breed is the “mutt.”
Yes, I know you’re about to say “But,
That isn’t a breed.”
I’m aware, but I need
To annoy nutty dog snobs who strut.

(National Mutt Day is celebrated on two days: July 31 and December 2.)

When It Comes To Knives, I’m Not The Sharpest Tool (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 24th, 2021

Some people shouldn’t be trusted with knives… and I’m one of them.

Happy National Knife Day. (August 24)

For decades I wrangled with cane;
Cutting, carving, and whittling — my bane.
Wielding knives in my hands
As the oboe demands,
I made reeds — time (and blood) down the drain.

Dear Chef (Limerick)

Thursday, August 19th, 2021

I’ve written my “Dear Chef” limerick to celebrate “National Hot And Spicy Food Day.” (August 19)

I like food that is spicy and hot.
Serve it bland? It’s returned on the spot.
Don’t assume you know best;
Second-guessing a guest
Means you’ve failed at your quest by a lot.

Relax, Already! (Limerick)

Sunday, August 15th, 2021

It’s “National Relaxation Day” (August 15), so an insomnia limerick seems more or less on point:

I’m exhausted, worn out, barely slept.
Some brain-part is surely inept.
My mind’s in a scrum;
Relaxation won’t come.
How I wish I were sleeping-adept!

Happy “Lazy Day” (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 10th, 2021

I was almost too lazy to post my “Lazy Day” limerick:

A fellow was dragging his feet.
Delay was the one goal he’d meet.
The guy was so lazy,
He drove his wife crazy…
Though his drive while in bed was a treat!

Limerick Ode To Tequila

Saturday, July 24th, 2021

Happy “National Tequila Day!” (July 24)

Tequila Day’s here, so let loose!
Drink it straight; don’t dilute it with juice.
You’d rather drink beer?
Bourbon? Gin? I won’t sneer.
More tequila for MOI! So a truce!

Limerick Ode To Dork Day

Thursday, July 15th, 2021

Happy “National Dork Day.” (July 15)

In my youth, I was probably viewed
As a dork; I was dweebness-imbued
And nerdiness prone.
And those glasses — (Loud moan!)
But it’s “Dork Day.” Don’t groan. Let’s get stewed!

Happy “Treat Your Webmaster or Webmistress Day?” (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Happy “Treat Your Webmaster or Webmistress Day.” (July 6)

“Treat Your Webmaster/Webmistress Day!”
How exciting! Hip Hip and Hooray!
But wait! I’ve a plight
And can’t celebrate right:
Who’s my webmaster? I am! Oy Vey!

Not Lapping Up “Swim A Lap Day” (Limerick)

Thursday, June 24th, 2021

Happy “Swim A Lap Day!” (June 24)

“Swim A Lap Day?” I’ve heard that it’s here.
But my swimming is dreadful, I fear.
My strokes are too wild,
And I thrash like a child,
So it’s best that I rest on the pier.

I’m Not Sweet On Sourdough Bread (Limerick)

Thursday, April 1st, 2021

To those of you who enjoy it, Happy Sourdough Bread Day! (April 1)

I am sour on sourdough bread;
Its taste tends to fill me with dread.
But at dough-contents questions
To stave off ingestions
Of sourdough, bakers see red.

I don’t mean to condemn or attack.
I can’t help it; my taste buds are wack.
To some dough, they say “No!”
So I’m begging you: Throw
Something sourdough-free in my sack.

The Perils Of Thinking (Limerick)

Friday, March 19th, 2021

While thinking’s a fine thing to do,
Lately thoughts have been turning me blue.
They kick up a stink,
So I can’t sleep a wink.
(What a shame that there’s no one to sue.)

Happy “World Sleep Day!” (3rd Friday of March)