I am NOT a big fan of kazoos.
The mere sound of one makes me think “Booze!”
What loser invented
That plaything demented?
Buzz off, cuz I’m getting the blues!
(Happy “National Kazoo Day,” if you insist.)
Archive for the ‘Music Humor & Verse’ Category
“Kazoo Day?” Why??? (Limerick)
Saturday, January 28th, 2023Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RUDE, RUED or ROOD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 4, 2023)
Saturday, January 7th, 2023It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RUDE, RUED or ROOD at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DESTRUCTION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DESTRUCTION-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: STRIDE, HANDY, PUNISH, FLY, BAIL.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 5, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 4, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my RUDE, RUED or ROOD-Rhyme Limerick:
I am stunned by the way you behave.
It appears you were raised in a cave.
You’ve a terrible tude
And you’re crude, lewd, and rude.
So there’s only one word for you: KNAVE!
And here’s my DESTRUCTION-Themed Limerick:
Here’s a factoid not everyone knows:
Perfectionist Brahms alas chose
To destroy some great stuff
He thought NOT up to snuff.
How I wish that he di’n’t decompose!
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
I tried to play “stride,” but I failed.
My small hands lacked the reach, so I bailed.
But I still remain sold
On stride pianists of old,
Whose fingers would fly, as they wailed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
The Violinist’s Plight (Limerick)
Tuesday, December 13th, 2022A fellow who plays violin
Bears his neck pain with grace and a grin:
“Yes the problem is big,
But it comes with the gig;
I must take all my aches on the chin.”
(December 13th is National Violin Day.)
Grand Shopping Plans (Limerick)
Monday, November 7th, 2022When I priced grand pianos today,
I heard quotes, grandiose, with dismay.
They cost too many grand,
And my right and left hand
Lack the cash to buy keyboard cachet.
*****
Happy World Pianist Day! (November 8)
Sax Day Blues
Sunday, November 6th, 2022A limerick in honor of National Saxophone Day:
A fellow was feeling distressed;
He was restless and NOT at his best.
So he pulled out his axe
And at midnight played sax.
As house-guests go, THAT guy’s a pest!
Yet Another Brassy Limerick
Monday, October 10th, 2022Most orchestra members would groan
At the principal trumpeter’s tone.
But his job was secure,
Cuz his lips held allure
For the maestro, a horny old crone.
*****
National Trumpet Day falls on October 10.
The Concert Kerfuffle (Limerick)
Monday, September 19th, 2022A British guitarist named Stan
Was playing a concert in Cannes,
When an audience member
Threw rocks and an ember…
And that’s when the Brit hit the fan.
Trumpeting Leadership (Limerick)
Wednesday, September 14th, 2022My self-challenge for today was writing a limerick using the new-to-me word “fugleman.”
An assertive, decisive, and frugal man
Was also an excellent bugle man.
He would make extra dough
Playing band gigs and so
In parades, he was always the fugleman.
Practice, Practice, Practice! (Limerick)
Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022When students are told to play scales,
You’re likely to hear lots of wails;
Scales are boring as hell,
But to ever play well
They’re a must! (Also trim your damn nails!)
The Not-So-Sharp Musician (Limerick)
Saturday, July 2nd, 2022A would-be musician was lax
About practicing scales on his sax.
Yet he landed a seat
In a band — no mean feat,
But then blew it and soon got the axe.
The Oddball Composer (Limerick)
Friday, July 1st, 2022A minor composer named Bea
Only wrote in A Minor. “You see,
Its sound is the best,”
She’d respond when a pest
Asked her why. “It’s my signature key!”
A Tale Of Technique (Limerick)
Tuesday, March 29th, 2022A woman with awesome technique
(On the piano I mean, you damn freak)
Would caress all the keys
With both power and ease,
Till she brought ev’ry piece to its peak.
(World Piano Day is celebrated on the 88th day of each year.)
Conductor Misconduct (Limerick)
Monday, March 28th, 2022A crazy conductor named Dick
Had a fondness for “food on a stick.”
The guy was far gone;
Used his skewer-baton
To throw food at the winds with a flick.
*****
Happy “Something On A Stick Day.” (March 28)
Unnoteworthy Limerick
Tuesday, February 8th, 2022“The soprano attempted a note
That is out of her range,” went the quote
From the Op’ra Review.
“It was shrill, like a shrew.” —
A critique that still sticks in her throat.
(Opera Day is celebrated on two different days: February 8 and October 25.)
Limerick Ode To The Eagles
Monday, January 10th, 2022“Save The Eagles Day” — that’s today’s brand.
It’s a national day in our land.
Lest there be some confusion
Or even delusion,
I don’t mean the team or the band.
(“Save The Eagles Day” is celebrated each year on January 10.)
Engaged By The Cello (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 29th, 2021My beau plays the cello. His bow
Makes the loveliest music I know.
I love him, I think,
But my mother, a shrink,
Says I won’t, once I’ve heard Lorne Munroe.
Happy “International Cello Day!” (December 29)
A Clarinet Tale (Limerick)
Tuesday, November 16th, 2021Happy “World Clarinet Day!” (November 16)
A woman who played clarinet,
Used vibrato; I’ll never forget,
Cuz the maestro freaked out;
“You’re ousted!”– his shout.
Now she can’t get a gig on a bet.
(For those unfamiliar with the clarinet vibrato issue, clarinet vibrato is generally considered a symphony orchestra no-no, but it’s used in jazz and klezmer music. However, when a symphony orchestra plays something with a jazz influence, such as Gershwin, the occasional exception is made.)
Are Drums Humdrum? (Limerick)
Monday, November 15th, 2021Just in time for “National Drummer Day!” (November 15)
A kazoo’s used to alter your humming
With a dull, buzzy drone that’s mind-numbing.
So I’m NOT a big fan,
But won’t call for a ban,
Cuz at least it’s less irksome than drumming.
Longing For A Bong (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 10th, 2021Happy Bong Day! (November 10)
A singer who longed for a bong
(Though it’s bad for her voice and so wrong)
Called a seller she knew.
They met up at the zoo,
Where a bongload was bought for a song.
Celebrating Sax (Limerick)
Saturday, November 6th, 2021Happy “Sax Day!” And happy birthday to Adolphe Sax, its inventor! (November 6)
A horny musician named Phil
When flirting would trumpet his skill.
But he mispronounced “sax,”
The name of his ax,
So his chance of romance went downhill.
