Archive for the ‘Limerick & Haiku Prompts’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TACK or ATTACK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 4, 2024)

Saturday, April 6th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TACK or ATTACK at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANNOYANCES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ANNOYANCE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FALL, FREAKY, GLAMOROUS, LONGER, POINTLESS.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 5, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday,  May 4, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my TACK or ATTACK-Rhyme Limerick:

In the summer, mosquitoes attack.
(Seems my blood, alas, makes a good snack.)
They hang out in our yard,
Hungry, always on guard
For their “meal” to take one step out back.

And here’s my ANNOYANCE-Themed Limerick:

My enjoyment of scat singing’s scant.
I’m averse to Gregorian Chant.
Bagpipe bands drive me mad!
Vuvuzelas are BAD!
This concludes my unmusical rant.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

An ambitious young woman named Kyle
Found her trend-setting efforts a trial.
One fall evening, she freaked
When this fashion news leaked:
Her new gown was no longer in style.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off Post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOT or SHOTS at the end of any one line.(Submission Deadline: April 6, 2024)

Saturday, March 9th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SHOT or SHOTS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PICTURES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PICTURE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SHOT or SHOTS-Rhyme Limerick:

“That damn bartender’s AWOL,” said Scott
To his prep cook. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“Though I’ve never mixed drinks,
I can do it, methinks,
So I gladly will give it a shot.”

And here’s my Picture-Themed Limerick:

“Gotta rush to the bookshop. I’m late!
I am meeting another blind date.
And that chick better look
Like her pic, or I’ll book
It, cuz boy, am I sick of pic-bait!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

An old woman who loved to complain,
Was neurotic and stubborn and vain.
When her doctor prescribed
Her a cane, the gal gibed:
“That will ruin my look. Where’s your brain?”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (519)

Saturday, March 9th, 2024

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny and timely two-verse limerick:

That passenger flight went awry
While thousands of feet in the sky.
A window seat door
Wasn’t there any more;
Unbolted, it fell from on high.

And now their commercial can say:
“Come fly with us – starting today.
Our Boeing Max 9
Is a new plane so fine;
Its features will blow you away!”

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special TOOTH/TEETH-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

He was trapped when the burglars broke in,
Tied with ropes from his toes to his chin.
But his son heard him call,
And he bit through them all –
He was saved by the teeth of his kin.

Congratulations to LISI NORTMAN, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever “Venus de Milo” limerick which uses at least two of these five words: LOOK, MESSY, PROOF, RIDDLE, UNFAIR.

What’s up with her schmata? (A dress?)
She sure didn’t “drape” for success!
With no arms, life’s unfair.
You can’t fix your own hair.
Ms. Milo’s a classical mess!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Tim James, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Bob Turvey, Marc Davidson, Fred Bortz, Robert Schechter, Lisi Nortman, Tony Holmes, Mark Totterdell, Brian Allgar, Jean McEwen, Bindy Bitterman, and J.OConnor. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRIPLE DUTY DIVISION: WRY or RYE or AWRY-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TOOTH/TEETH-THEMED LIMERICKS and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)

Terry Marter:

Observers conject as to why
Mona Lisa’s smile looks kinda wry.
Despite the belief
That she ain’t got no teef
There’s now proof that she’d just screwed her guy.

Tim James:

I looked at the bottle of rye.
It was 86 proof. With a sigh,
I imbibed (to excess)
And woke up in a mess,
Missing teeth. Now the riddle is: Why?

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: WRY or RYE or AWRY-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO TOOTH/TEETH-THEMED LIMERICKS)

Terry Marter:

A gleaming-white-smile kinda guy,
Screwed his dentist’s wife once, on the sly.
Since the dentist’s revenge,
His teeth look like Stonehenge,
Lots of gaps and all angled awry.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (WRY or RYE or AWRY-RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

By a fantasy he was inspired
To make love on a bike. This required
That he be fit and spry.
But it all went awry:
When he tried it, it made him two tired.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

When it used to be Siri and me,
I was happy as happy can be.
But it all went awry
When this open AI
Started blabbing on ChatGPT.

Bob Turvey:

Said an actress, “Oh my goodness me!
Archbishop – your hand’s on my knee!
You’ve a glint in your eye…
And your vestment’s awry!
And you haven’t yet paid me the fee!”

Marc Davidson:

I’m giving gymnastics a try,
For I’m feeling uncommonly spry.
But I’m booking, you betcha,
Two guys with a stretcher,
in case my attempt goes awry.

Fred Bortz:

There once was an atheist guy
Who decided to give God a try.
What led him to choose
To commune with the Jews?
The kosher dill pickles and rye!

Robert Schechter:

I thought I’d give baking a try.
It didn’t go well. I won’t lie.
The recipe said
I was baking white bread,
But somehow my plans went a rye.

Tim James:

Said a woman whose outlook was wry:
“Why do men always think they must lie?
Seven inches? No way!
Mark my words when I say:
I can measure such objects by eye.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TOOTH/TEETH-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Once, the tooth fairy used to buy back,
Any tooth — be it pearly or black.
The prize for a chomper,
When I wore a romper
Was cash. Now it’s just some old plaque.

Lisi Nortman, for her “Leonardo da Vinci’s Request”

“You look great in that Renaissance style,
But your ugly teeth stick out a mile.
Kindly breathe through your nose
To assume a new pose.
Mona, please try a more subtle smile.”

Robert Schechter:

I thought I was dining on cattle,
But chewing became a great battle.
I found out the truth
When I busted a tooth
On the stud of a fine English saddle.

Terry Marter:

Here’s a tongue-in-cheek tale of a sleuth
Who is well past the prime of his youth.
The defective detective
Is now less effective,
Short of breath, and too long in the tooth.

Bob Turvey:

If you drive in mid-winter in Leith —
GO SLOW — or you may need a wreath;
The council’s so mean
They’ve no gritting machine –
Their advice is to grit your own teeth.

Marc Davidson:

I’m buying my dentist a wreath
For the coming demise of my teeth.
I’m down in the mouth,
For my hygiene’s gone south,
Exposing the rot underneath.

Tim James:

My dentist is cranky and old,
And his manner’s increasingly cold.
What I really can’t stand
Is his unsteady hand.
That’s what gets on my nerves, tooth be told.

Tony Holmes:

My wife’s teeth are like stars in that they
Will come out at the close of each day.
And once toothless – sans bite –
She’s a pitiful sight,
But her tongue’s just as sharp, so, “Oy vey!”

Mark Totterdell:

A fine set of teeth has the ocelot,
Though it’s true that they do make him cross a lot.
When food scraps get stuck
It’s annoying as f*ck
And if only he could he would floss a lot.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

A born chiseler, one dentist Keith,
Claims, “Your smile will light up like a wreath!
For ten grand (thereabout),
These new crowns will stand out.”
So his patients all sport big-buck teeth.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION)

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

A golfer who’s constantly gutting
It out in a rough that needs cutting,
Maybe looks to the green,
To make shots more pristine;
For the proof is (they say) in the putting.

Brian Allgar:

“Look, these charges are really unfair!
They’re riddled with lies and hot air.
The riot that day
Was messy, OK,
But there’s proof I was not even there!”

Jean McEwen:

Though my tresses look messy, the breeze
Is the reason it’s tangled. So please!
Stop critiquing my hair!
You are being unfair.
At least I do not harbor fleas!

Bindy Bitterman:

Good heavens, it’s awfully unfair
To blame ME for the mess that’s up there!
Sure, it’s under my roof
But I rent to that goof
For whom “dress-up” means clean underwear!

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I got holes in the lobes of each ear,
And tattoos on my back and my rear.
Then I ventured a look,
At a skin disease book,
And now I am riddled with fear.

Fred Bortz:

An unflattering SNL spoof
Sent that narcissist Trump through the roof.
When he tweeted, “Unfair!!
I have much better hair.”
They countered, “See now we have proof.”

J.OConnor:

They roundly agree she’s a square.
On the hole Peggy’s treatment’s unfair.
If Peg had looked ’round,
I’m sure she’d have found
A square Peg’s never fitting in there!

Terry Marter:

“Visit Scotland,” they said, – look for Nessie.
So we did, – took my dumb cousin Jesse.
He jumped in for a swim,
And soon Nessie found him.
After that, things became rather messy!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 9, 2024)

Saturday, February 10th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WRY or RYE or AWRY at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEETH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TOOTH/TEETH-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
LOOK, MESSY, PROOF, RIDDLE, UNFAIR.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 10, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 9, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my WRY or RYE or AWRY-Rhyme Limerick:

Mary’s husband, an insecure guy,
Often asked her, “Is something awry?”
For he feared that his bride
Would soon cast him aside,
Whenever he heard his wife sigh.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she would always reply.
Until one day, she let out a cry,
Saying (weary with rage)
“That damn query’s not sage!
Ask it just one more time, and you DIE!”

Here’s my TOOTH/TEETH-Themed Limerick:

“On your X-rays, I’m seeing decay,”
Said the dentist. “You’ve quite an array
Of molars that must
Be attended to. Just
Pay this sizeable invoice today.”

And here’s my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“Your article’s riddled with flaws.
Did you proof this? Please look at this clause:
It runs on forever.
So publish this? Never!
Your writing endeavor? Lost cause!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRAND at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 10, 2024)

Saturday, January 13th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRAND at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to COACHES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best COACH-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
GRIP, LUSH, PROMISING, SEARCH, YARN.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 11, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 10, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my GRAND-Rhyme Limerick:

A grandstanding fellow named Mel
Plays the piano, but not very well.
His recital was panned:
“He abused that poor grand
And deserves a life sentence in hell.”

And here’s my COACH-Themed Limerick:

“Don’t sit like a bump on a log,”
Said the coach. “Shake a leg. Maybe jog.
If you want to get fit,
It’s time to show grit,
And skip all the eggnog and grog.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

While reciting a tale, Dan said “Darn!
I’ve forgotten the end of this yarn,
Which (I promise) is gripping.
It features unzipping
And (maybe) a cow in a barn.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

UPDATE: Limerick-Off Deadline Postponed One Week Due to Illness! New Submission Deadline: Jan. 13, 2024 Sorry! Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GOAL or GOALS or GOAL’S at the end of any one line

Saturday, December 9th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GOAL or GOALS or GOAL’S at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PERKS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PERK-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
CLUMSY, CONDEMNED, ODDS, SHAKE, WAVES.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 7, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 6, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my GOAL or GOALS or GOAL’S-Rhyme Limerick:

“What’s your preference? Bagels or rolls?”
Asked a bakery-bound woman. “My goal’s
A quick breakfast, then work.”
Her new boyfriend, a jerk,
Said “I favor the flavor of holes.”

And here’s my PERK-Themed Limerick:

A cocky young teen liked to smirk
And would frequently act like a jerk.
When ordered to shed
His rudeness, he said:
“I’m rich, and I’m told it’s a perk.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

A clumsy old fellow named Ken
Was so klutzy that men now and then
Would call him a clod
And condemn him as odd,
While his ex-wife would nod an “amen.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CATCH or CATCHES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 9, 2023)

Saturday, November 11th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CATCH or CATCHES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MISTAKES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MISTAKE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FAULTY, HUSTLE, MEAN, POT, STICK.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 10, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 9, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CATCH/CATCHES-Rhyme Limerick:

Said a woman who’d just married Irv,
“Many friends tried to stop me. What nerve!
Do I love the guy? Natch!
He’s a wonderful catch…
Though I’m keeping divorce in reserve.”

And here’s my MISTAKE-Themed Limerick:

A thickheaded fellow named Fred
Had dreamed of becoming a Fed.
But it wasn’t to be;
In an interview, he
Kept confusing “dead drop” with “drop dead.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“This table is sticky. Please clean it,”
Said a restaurant patron. “I mean it!”
“I’ll be glad to,” the server
Replied with great fervor.
“But I can’t find my rag. Have you seen it?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (515)

Saturday, November 11th, 2023

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to RUDY LANDESMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Had a dream. What it meant, I don’t know.
A raven or maybe a crow
Flew into my room
And announced gloom and doom.
Gotta stop reading Edgar A. Poe.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Special LIST-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

“I feel languid again — what a chore,”
Laments Lackluster, starting to snore.
His wife, quite the shrew,
Makes a lengthy to-do,
And now Lackluster’s listless no more.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: ADVICE, CHECK, NOTES, SLIDER, SNOBBISH.

At the hamburger joint I espied her,
Twelve boxes of sliders beside her.
Take note of the fact
That because of this act
Her bankroll’s now thinner; she’s wider.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Terry Marter, Tim James, Bob Turvey, George Larson, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Mark Totterdell, Jean McEwen, Marieta McGrath, J.OConnor, Doug Harris, Lisi Nortman, and Janice Canerdy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (CROW-RHYME DIVISION)

Terry Marter:

He tattooed her fine breast; his price low.
After which, to her friends she would crow
About her good deal,
Where she’d offered a feel:
It was all Tit for Tat; quid pro quo.

Tim James:

Thirteen ravens, five jays, and a crow
Caused great terror wherever they’d go;
And they still induce fear
In the people they’re near.
They’re the CORVID 19, as you know.

Bob Turvey:

Here’s a tale that concerns a young peasant;
When he stroked his cock he found it pleasant.
Quite stiff it would grow
And then start to crow –
He can’t wait now to stroke his wife’s pheasant.

George Larson:

His hot-rod was mostly for show;
He bragged to his friends it would go
Like a bat out of hell,
But it didn’t go well.
At the end, the guy had to eat crow.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

When some hawks hear the squawks from below,
The caws cause them to sway to-and-fro.
Their most favorite prey,
Isn’t Corvid, per se,
But they love to sing, “I Gotta Crow!”

Mark Totterdell:

Those ugly old crow’s feet that show
Round my eyes are the way that I know
That my youth is behind,
But I just wouldn’t mind
If they weren’t still attached to the crow.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (LIST-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Tim James:

My stupidity can’t be denied
’Cause I laughed really hard, till I cried
When my gal split her pants
While attempting to dance.
On her shit list is where I reside.

Jean E McEwen:

I’ve got too many Things to Do lists.
I just can’t keep them straight; each exists
On its own scrap of paper.
It’s too hard a caper
To merge them; thus, chaos persists.

Terry Marter:

On a long windy sailing-boat ride
I was so sick and bored that I cried.
So I wrote a long list
Of life’s “pleasures” not missed
With “A boat with a list to one side.”

Tim James:

Santa’s finished with making his list.
He just checked it, and boy, is he pissed.
Naughty kids are online,
Where they’re bullies and swine.
How he wishes they’d cease and desist!

Marieta McGrath:

I jotted down three things to do.
The first was to buy superglue.
The rest became moot
As I shouted out “Shoot!
I had glued both my hands to my shoe!”

George Larson:

The birder makes lists as he goes
Of all of the species he knows.
But sadly, today
They were all chased away
By a murder of ornery crows.

Terry Marter:

Listen up, lest you don’t get my gist:
You’re as drunk as a skunk; Brahms and Liszt.
You’ve mumbled and stammered
Which shows that you’re hammered…
And a long list of terms that mean pissed.

Bob Turvey:

A lawyer once said to Miss May,
“I will list all your assets today.
Do you have property?”
She answered, “I’ve three;
There’s China, Ceylon and Earl Grey.”

J.OConnor:

Pharma ads all have jingles these days.
For drug sales it’s one of the ways
To get you to think
That their drug doesn’t stink
As the list of each side effect plays.

Doug Harris:

In Pisa the Bishop is pissed;
At the Foreman he’s shaking his fist.
He’s displaying unease
At about four degrees –
The builder’s not finished his list …

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: ADVICE, CHECK, NOTES, SLIDER, SNOBBISH)

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Hyde consulted a shrink for advice,
(who took notes and seemed very precise.)
He said, “Doc, this is it:
My poor psyche is split,
So make sure that you’re writing this twice.”

Lisi Nortman, for her “Teaching The Wife About Baseball”

“Take notes, dear, to practice a slider.”
(I gave her a ball, just to guide ’er.)
“Now, it’s all in the grip.
Place your hand on the tip.”
(An approach that might get me inside ’er.)

Jean McEwen:

Let me give you a piece of advice:
Before you mock others, think twice.
Hold your tongue; check yourself.
Leave that taunt on a shelf.
Think whatever you like – but play nice.

Lisi Nortman, for her “Annoying Rebecca”

Here’s advice: don’t go shopping with Beck.
You’ll come home and complain, “I’m a wreck.”
She went shopping with me
At the Town Dollar Tree,
And for one gum drop, Beck paid by check.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

When I offered a crumb to a spider,
(Please take note I sought not to deride her),
“Super-size it!” she snapped,
So at once I unwrapped
The whole sandwich and slipped her my slider.

Janice Canerdy:

I’m not snobbish, just misunderstood.
You don’t kowtow to me as you should.
If you’d seek my advice—
Only mine will suffice–
You’d be MORE like me, just not as good.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CROW at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: November 11, 2023)

Saturday, October 14th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CROW at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LISTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LIST-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
ADVICE, CHECK, NOTES, SLIDER, SNOBBISH

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 12, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 11, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CROW-Rhyme Limerick:

A know-it-all neighbor will crow
About exploits, vacations, and dough.
When I spot him I try
To sidestep the guy…
Or annoy him with wry tales of woe.

And here’s my LIST-Themed Limerick:

How I love the occasional lift
That can spring out of wordplay; I’ll sift
Through an idiom list
For the whiff of a twist
That might trigger a limerick gift.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“I’m so sick of this place,” a gal sighed.
“The moms in this playground are snide
And snobbish and rude,
Like that mom with her brood.”
(I advised her to let it all slide.)

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FIND or FINED or DEFINED or REFINED or CONFINED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 14, 2023)

Saturday, September 16th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FIND or FINED or DEFINED or REFINED or CONFINED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FEET, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FOOT-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FAINT, GLARE, CORRUPT, COMB, STREAM.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 15, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 14, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my FIND or FINED or DEFINED or REFINED or CONFINED-Rhyme Limerick:

Please don’t whine about being entwined
In indictments. You’ve caused your own bind.
In your quest for more wins,
You seem blind to your sins,
But you’ll soon be in prison confined.

And here’s my FOOT/FEET-Themed Limerick:

A bad snowstorm — we can’t use our wheels.
And my boots are a wreck, so the deal’s
That I’ll just have to wait
For the storm to abate.
Until then, I’ll be cooling my heels.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

While I stood on a rather long line,
I felt shaky and faint — too much wine!
Plus the sun-glare was strong,
And I DID smoke that bong.
(I was otherwise perfectly fine.)

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOARD or BORED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: September 16, 2023)

Saturday, August 19th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BOARD or BORED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PITCH, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PITCH-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: SINK, REFUSE, DAWN, ALARMING, CROWD.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 17, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 16, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BOARD or BORED-Rhyme Limerick:

When a man reached an online accord
To buy wood, he was certain he’d scored.
But, alas, he had not;
He’d been duped by a bot
That sent rot and was NOT above board.

And here’s my PITCH-Themed Limerick:

Her singing was heartfelt and loud.
(With great volume that gal’s well-endowed.)
But her pitch was so sad,
The conductor (her dad)
Told his fans “It’s my bad,” as he bowed.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

It’s pre-dawn. I’m in front of the sink,
Washing up, while attempting to think
Of a rhyme. But my muse
Yawned and said, “I refuse.
Don’t abuse me. I’m NOT in the pink!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SUEDE, SWAYED, PERSUADE, or DISSUADE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 19, 2023)

Saturday, July 22nd, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SUEDE, SWAYED, PERSUADE, or DISSUADE at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TESTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TEST-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: DUCK, GIFTED, JITTERY, MERGE, STAR.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 20, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 19, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SUEDE, SWAYED, PERSUADE, or DISSUADE-Rhyme Limerick:

A woman would always wear suede,
Head to toes, both in sun and in shade.
Her spouse fin’ly snapped
Cuz her nighties were napped:
“Our marriage’s fabric is frayed!”

And here’s my TEST-Themed Limerick:

I once took an aptitude test
To learn what I’d likely do best.
The results? Useless crap!
‘Twas all over the map:
“NEVER NAVIGATE!” That’s what it stressed.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

When a jittery mother was told
That her daughter was gifted, she polled
All the parents she knew:
“Could it really be true,
Or do ALL kids get stickers of gold?”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DRINK or DRINKS at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 22, 2023)

Saturday, June 24th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DRINK or DRINKS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TASTE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TASTE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: ACE, AFRAID, FUNCTION, JADED, UPSET.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 23, 2023 , right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 22, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DRINK/DRINKS-Rhyme Limerick:

A nurse who appears on the brink
Of a breakdown stopped seeing her shrink.
“He’s been making me worse,”
She asserts with a curse.
“Plus he claims that I drove him to drink.”

And here’s my TASTE-Themed Limerick:

A gal with a poor sense of style
Hadn’t bought any clothes in a while.
So she purchased a dress,
A bright red, tasteless mess,
Way too ugly and gross to defile.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

I’m afraid that I’m being replaced
Based on nothing important; I’ve aced
All my functions and more,
Yet they’ve shown me the door.
Their grievance? They claim I eat paste.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LIGHT or DELIGHT at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 24, 2023)

Saturday, May 27th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LIGHT or DELIGHT at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TEACHERS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TEACHER-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: JOINT, LOVELY, NAP, TAX, CONQUER.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 25, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 24, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my LIGHT/DELIGHT-Rhyme Limerick:

I enjoy writing verse that is light,
Although many poo-poo it as trite.
And I happily slave
Over lim’ricks — my fav.
They’re well worth it, when written just right.

And here’s my TEACHER-Themed Limerick:

The schoolteacher, usually nice,
Could be scary at times – cold as ice.
And her tone, when provoked,
Went from mellow to stoked
With a furious “THAT WILL SUFFICE!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“How I long to be able to nap
Just like those who can sleep in a snap.
As for me, there’s no point
In trying. Each joint
In my body shrieks ‘Don’t bother, chap!'”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (509)

Saturday, May 27th, 2023

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Young Billy, as daft as they come,
Kicked a huge grizzly bear on the bum.
It was done as a dare,
But alas, now the bear
Has a Billy-sized bulge in its tum.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the PREPARATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Hans had eaten so much he could burst;
All the schnitzel and beer came up first.
He felt somewhat perplexed,
Thinking, “What will come next?”
While preparing himself for the wurst.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: RATING, BRAVE, BROAD, APPLE, QUARRELSOME.

On her dating app, vying for men,
Joy enhances her profile, and then,
To better compete,
She considers her feet,
And rates herself (broadly) a “ten.”

Congratulations to TONY HOLMES, who wins a Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a clever multi-verse limerick.

It began as a light-hearted dare,
That I wouldn’t strip off and walk bare
Down the length of the street
And greet ladies I meet
With, “Good morning! You’re welcome to stare.”

I made sure I was looking my best,
As one does when not wearing one’s vest.
Hearing nothing decried,
As I strode in my pride,
I believe the voyeurs were impressed.

All good things, though, must come to an end,
Lest an overindulgence offend.
It was time to behave.
I had dared and proved brave,
And – who knows? – may have started a trend.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jean McEwen, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Judy Freed, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Richard Orr, Bob Turvey, Robert Schechter, Tony Holmes, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Jon Nixon, BillR, J.OConnor, Terry Marter, and Rudy Landesman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: BEAR or BARE-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PREPARATION-THEMED LIMERICKS)

Jean McEwen:

Plan to hike in the woods? Then prepare!
Pack some bug spray and trail mix to share.
To survive, if you can,
Make a getaway plan–
For you’re sure to encounter a bear.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Ranger Rick tells us how to prepare,
If, while hiking, we meet with a bear:
Wield a stick; jump and holler;
Lift arms (you’ll seem taller).
And if none of that works, try a prayer.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BEAR or BARE-RHYME DIVISION)

Judy Freed:

My friends sent me out on a dare,
To a beach where the bathers were bare.
My attempt to join in
Left a burn on my skin.
Can’t blame them. I guess it was fair.

Lisi Nortman:

I told Mama “I need to prepare
For a speech at “The Naturist Fair.”
Her response: “Here’s a trick.
Which is easy and quick:
Just picture your audience bare.”

Richard Orr:

A man at a bar, I declare,
Brought his stuffed support animal there.
Friends cried, “Go pet a skunk
Whilst incredibly drunk!”
In response he just grinned, “Hold my bear.”

Bob Turvey:

Camel drivers who got to the Bosphorus,
All shouted out, “Get glue and moss for us!
All our camels are bare
For we’ve sold all their hair
And we hope moss will cover the loss for us.”

Robert Schechter:

The grizzly announced, “I won’t wear
Any clothing, and simply don’t care
If people are rude
When they see I am nude.
As a grizzly, I have to be bear.”

Tony Holmes:

If you camp in the woods, do beware
That you may well encounter a bear.
He’ll have food on his mind –
You’ll be fine if he’s dined,
But if not, you’re legitimate fare.

Tim James:

Ms. Godiva got naked? Big deal.
As I’ve aged, I’ve discovered I feel
That I don’t really care
If she rode around bare.
But her choc’late? That still has appeal.

Dave Johnson:

Away from the usual glare,
That beach is for nudists to share.
But lately some cold
Weather strengthened its hold;
For many, it’s too much to bare.

Jon Nixon:

A tatty and balding old bear,
Said that life hadn’t treated him fair.
He cried, “on my life,
I swear I’m a Steiff,
But my button fell off with my hair!”


BillR:

The National Parks’ Smokey Bear
Has been known to go off on a tear.
He’ll smoke up a storm
To keep himself warm
’Cuz he really has no clothes to wear.


HONORABLE MENTIONS PREPARATION-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Lisi Nortman:

I soon will be marrying Ken.
I’m counting the minutes till then.
My one sacred vow,
Which I’m pledging right now,
Is “Never plan weddings again!”

Tim James:

“‘Be Prepared’ is our longstanding motto,”
I heard from a Boy Scout named Otto.
“I’ve stocked up on booze,
Which is something I’ll use
If a Girl Scout should want to get blotto.”

J.OConnor says:

The meal was an absolute treat,
A great gastronomical feat.
Took so long to prepare
So it doesn’t seem fair
That it took only minutes to eat.

Terry Marter:

“Be prepared!” I was told as a Scout,
To solve problems when out and about.
But when trouble found Me,
It caused me to pee.
Now my leadership badge is in doubt.

Lisi Nortman:

For tornadoes, our family’s rehearsed.
We all must prepare for the worst.
We put steak in our socks.
This plan really rocks,
Cause the search dogs will find us folks first.

Terry Marter:

Unprepared, he decided last night
To go sailing alone at first light.
A swipe from the boom
Knocked him into the spume
Where he watched his yacht sail out of sight.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: RATING, BRAVE, BROAD, APPLE, QUARRELSOME.)

Tim James:

A quarrelsome woman named Tess
Rates my lims a misogynist mess.
She thinks gals in my verse
Are all airheads or worse.
She’s no fan of broad humor, I guess.

Lisi Nortman:

Don’t stand there and casually view it.
The river is broad; go swim through it.
The essence of “brave”
Is how you behave.
If it scares you, no matter what, Do It.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Hiring female employees, for Rex,
Is hard. All he thinks of is sex.
With each broad it’s the same,
So instead of his name,
He signs every rating with “x.”

Judy Freed:

I once had a quarrelsome friend.
All her points she would bravely defend.
Till she sat on a spoke,
Swearing it was a joke.
Seems she had the last word in the end.

J.OConnor:

I’m painting with rather broad strokes
When I speak about quarrelsome folks
And I say that their skin
Would not be as thin
If they only learned how to take jokes.

Rudy Landesman:

You say you might leave the Big Apple?
With its problems you don’t want to grapple?
I say, pull up your socks,
Have a bagel with lox.
And be brave. Have some borscht. No, not Snapple!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAR or BARE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 27, 2023)

Saturday, April 29th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BEAR or BARE at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PREPARATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PREPARATION-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: RATING, BRAVE, BROAD, APPLE, QUARRELSOME.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 28, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 27, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BEAR/BARE-Rhyme Limerick:

A generous fellow named Jack
Likes to give folks the shirt off his back.
But he doesn’t stop there;
He’ll undress until bare…
Which alas, got the poor man the sack.

And here’s my PREPARATION-Themed Limerick:

By now, we all know it’s essential
To prepare for a rainstorm torrential.
But at times, though we’re careful,
We end up despairful.
Never lowball a downpour’s potential!

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

A quarrelsome broad known as Maude
Would always refuse to applaud.
And no matter how great
A show was, she’d rate
It a “C,” then berate it as flawed.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 29, 2023)

Saturday, April 1st, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to COURTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best COURT-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
PLANT, HOBBIES, LEARN, LIKEABLE, WARN.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 30, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 29, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST-Rhyme Limerick:

“Adulting” requires hard work;
The mundane kind we’re tempted to shirk.
But do it, we must!
So I try to adjust
And pretend I don’t feel like a clerk.

And here’s my COURT-Themed Limerick, a 2-Verser:

A big gun at a law firm brought suit.
He was gunning for those who pollute.
But his target, alas,
Had a limitless mass
Of moolah to fight the dispute.

That’s not all that his target possessed;
It had friends in the courts and was blessed
With political cronies,
Republican phonies
Who impeded his actions with zest.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

I should take up some hobby this week
To ensure my brain works at its peak.
Learning Greek is too hard!
Planting chard in my yard?
No, my marred mind needs more than a tweak.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 1, 2023)

Saturday, March 4th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WHEELS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WHEEL-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
MEAL, FAN, WATCH, BUSINESS, SLEEP

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 2, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 1, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SCENE or SEEN or OBSCENE-Rhyme Limerick:

A young fellow, no more than nineteen,
Would steal golf carts and often be seen
Careening around
On his campus. He’d found
A trump card: His dad was the Dean.

And here’s my WHEELS-Themed Limerick:

When I ask for the wheel, you refuse me.
“Backseat driver,” you say? Don’t accuse me!
I’m in front, so your claim
Is abusive and lame.
It’s so foolish, you almost amuse me.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

Ever been to a bus’ness lunch? Yuk!
You’ve one scheduled? You’re stuck? Well, good luck!
I’m no fan of such meals,
Where you’re s’pposed to make deals,
Watch your manners, and NEVER say “Fuck!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Aligning My Verse (Haiku and Limerick)

Monday, February 20th, 2023

Using the poetry prompt “align,” I turned my haiku into a limerick:

A prompt’s been assigned.
Should Rhymezone-dot-com be mined?
My rhymes are aligned.

***

A poetry prompt’s been assigned.
Rhymezone tempts me with rhymes to be mined.
I could write some haiku,
But I’ve lim’ricks to do.
Must ensure that my rhymes are aligned.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NET at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 4, 2023)

Saturday, February 4th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NET at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CLASS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CLASS-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
POLICE, LONG, PUSHY, ELITE, MATCH.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 5, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 4, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my NET-Rhyme Limerick:

Though you claim that you’re sorry, it’s clear
That you’re saying it just out of fear,
And you’re hoping to net
Some forgiveness. Bad bet!
You are poor at appearing sincere.

And here’s my CLASS-Themed Limerick:

If you’re totally lacking in class
And you always behave like an ass,
Then kindly don’t whine
And call someone a swine
Who’s responded in kind with some sass.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

A pushy young fellow named Pete
Had a longing to join the elite.
He was far from a saint,
And showed little restraint,
So Peter’s now under concrete.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!