Archive for the ‘Health & Medical Humor’ Category

An Age-Old Story (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 26th, 2022

Although her great-uncle was old,
He still loved to play sports; he was bold
And he gave it his all
When he lunged for a ball.
He’d but ONE worry: Catching a cold!

A Failure To Communicate (Limerick)

Monday, April 18th, 2022

A largely deaf fellow named Ben
Relished sex in his new girlfriend’s den.
But she’d talk during sex,
(Very much like his ex.)
His confusing reply? “Come again.”

A Healthy Disagreement (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 5th, 2022

Her boyfriend insists that she’s “jerky”
For falling for health warnings “murky.”
He has coaxed and opined,
But he can’t change her mind:
She’s swearing off poultry “cold turkey.”

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 16, 2022)

Saturday, April 2nd, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SECURITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SECURITY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 17, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16, 2022, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my NOSE or KNOWS or NOES-rhyme limerick:

A fellow named Joe often goes
To ENT docs — nasal pros.
Those rhinologists charge
Pricey fees; bills so large
That poor Joe’s forced to pay through the nose.

And here’s my SECURITY-themed limerick:

Though the homebuilder does know the score,
His computer security’s poor.
So to no one’s surprise,
He’s been hacked. You’ll surmise:
Someone readily found the back door.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Conductor Misconduct (Limerick)

Monday, March 28th, 2022

A crazy conductor named Dick
Had a fondness for “food on a stick.”
The guy was far gone;
Used his skewer-baton
To throw food at the winds with a flick.

*****

Happy “Something On A Stick Day.” (March 28)

Barbaric Limerick

Sunday, March 27th, 2022

An old-fashioned barber (and knave)
While at work, tried his best to behave.
But alas, he went nuts;
Stabbed two customers’ guts…
And a third had a very close shave.

Retaining Your Sense Of Humor (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

A man did his best to disguise
His retinal issues with lies.
When at last he sought ocular
Aid, he was jocular:
“Doc, you’re a sight for sore eyes!”

(March 23 is World Optometry Day.)

An Age Old Protest (Limerick)

Saturday, March 12th, 2022

I’ve been told to “Spring forward!” Can’t do!
With my knees? Are you kidding? I’m through:
No more jumping and running
And springing! I’m shunning
Such acts. You mean “clock movement?” Whew!

Please Don’t Tease Us (Limerick)

Monday, January 24th, 2022

Some say Omicron cases are peaking.
Do they know that of which they are speaking?
We are all on the ropes,
So don’t lift up our hopes
Just to dash them again … cuz we’re freaking!

Tied Up In Knots (Limerick)

Saturday, December 18th, 2021

This limerick would, alas, be timely, even if today (December 18) weren’t “World Knot Tying Day.”

A woman was tied up in knots
Over Covid. She feared for her tots.
Said her husband, “No vax!
I’d rather eat wax!”
In their fam’ly, the dolt calls the shots.

To Mix, Or To Match; That Is The Question (Limerick)

Saturday, October 23rd, 2021

To mix, or to match — I’m confused:
Which booster vaccine should be used?
More Moderna? Some Pfizer?
I need an adviser!
By which shot should my shoulder be bruised?

Not Kneeling For “Knee Day” (Limerick) (October 22)

Friday, October 22nd, 2021

Celebrate “National Knee Day?” Not me!

Say “hip, hip, hooray!” cuz it’s Knee Day?
I don’t find it a Fills-Me-With-Glee day.
Any “climb those stairs” stance
Makes my knees look askance,
So it’s more of a Please-Function-Plea day.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DOCK or DOC at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 30, 2021)

Saturday, October 16th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DOCK or DOC at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LIMBS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LIMB-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 31, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 30, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DOCK or DOC-rhyme limerick:

Laryngitis was getting his goat,
So he went to a doctor of note.
“I’ve a hunch,” said the doc,
“That you talk round the clock.”
Said his patient, “Don’t jump down my throat.”

And here’s my LIMB-themed limerick:

A man with an arm in a sling
Had recently injured his wing.
He wistfully said,
“My Frisbee arm’s dead…”
Then headed for one final fling.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Egg Myths (Limerick)

Friday, October 8th, 2021

“World Egg Day” has given me an excuse to write this limerick rant:

“Do NOT eat the yolks of your eggs!”
“Just the egg whites,” they said – (the egg-dregs.)
Now such counsel’s passé
Re cholesterol. Yay!
All those egg lies no longer have legs.

Breathless Gossip (Limerick)

Monday, August 30th, 2021

“Here’s some gossip I’ve only just heard:
Jane’s engaged to a writerly nerd,
Who’s a Scrabble fanatic
And rather asthmatic.
It’s a secret, so don’t breathe a word.”

Boning Up On Homonyms (Limerick)

Sunday, August 15th, 2021

Once I discovered that “humorous” has a homonym,” I vowed to use the two words in a limerick. And that’s harder than it sounds, because (for those unfamiliar with the stringent rules of limerick writing) words that are identical in sound do NOT rhyme.

When her humerus needed repairing,
The expense nearly made her start swearing.
But her problems, though numerous,
Struck her as humorous,
So she giggled, instead of despairing.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TALE OR TAIL OR ENTAIL OR CURTAIL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 24, 2021)

Saturday, July 10th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TALE OR TAIL OR ENTAIL OR CURTAIL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to VANITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best VANITY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 25, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 24, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my TALE/TAIL/ENTAIL/CURTAIL-rhyme limerick:

I’ve a crime tale entailing a tail.
Who’s the target? A male out on bail.
Law enforcement, you see,
Was convinced he would flee.
But their quarry just likes a good sail.

And here’s my VANITY-themed limerick:

A fellow who’d constantly train
Did it mostly because he was vain.
He’s paid a steep price
To simply look nice:
At thirty he’s using a cane.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Coping With Cabin Fever (Limerick)

Thursday, July 8th, 2021

I’m pleased that this Covid-related limerick of mine has just been published here in “Poetry and Covid.”

Manhattan’s begun to reopen;
Just in time, cuz we barely are copin’.
Cabin fever’s widespread.
Are our fav nightspots dead?
Can we still get great food there? Here’s hopin’!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STATE or ESTATE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 27, 2021)

Saturday, March 13th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STATE or ESTATE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CO-WORKERS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CO-WORKERS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 27, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my State/Estate-rhyme limerick:

My neighbor was fined and then jailed.
“I will NOT wear a mask he had wailed!”
“It’s not up for debate,”
Said the judge. “In this state,
We follow the rules, and you’re nailed.”

And here’s my Co-Workers-themed limerick:

My cubicle-mate just resigned.
I’m relieved; he’s a boor unrefined,
Who chomps coffee beans — gross!
Glad to say “Adios!”
(Enough bitching! It’s back to the grind.)

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Covid-19 Vaccine Adventures (2-Verse Limerick Plus Vaccine Scheduling Tips)

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021

What follows is:

1: A two-verse limerick about my adventures (and difficulties) in booking Covid-19 vaccine appointments in New York City for hubby Mark and me. (And yes, we both easily qualify by age.)

2: A blow by blow description of how I finally managed to snag vaccine appointments in the doesn’t-deserve-to-be-called-a-system New York Covid-19 vaccine scheduling “system.”

(I hope that the information I provide below my 2-verse limerick proves helpful to those who are having similar vaccine-booking problems, both in and outside of New York.)

Fin’lly got my first shot. So did Mark,
After problems with booking them — stark!
New York’s issue-packed system
(too many to list ’em)
Is so bad, I have fantasies — dark.

So how did I schedule our shots
In a system so tied up in knots?
“Push notifications”
Resolved our frustrations;
We were saved by some fine Twitter bots.

If you’re having problems booking Covid-19 vaccine appointments, here’s how I did it in New York City. I hope it helps you too. (Even if you live in another state, some of my info just might be applicable to you.)

1. After trying all the obvious methods for booking vaccine appointments, and failing abysmally, I searched Google to find out if anybody had created a Covid-19 vaccine appointment locator bot in New York. I used search phrases such as covid-19 vaccine New York bot and Covid-19 vaccine New York tracker bot.

This led me to these two Twitter accounts: @turbovax and @nycshotslots. (If you are having trouble getting a vaccination appointment outside of New York, try a similar search for your own state. And if you’re lucky, a Good Samaritan in your city or state created a comparable public bot. For example, this bot was designed for New Jersey residents, and this one was set up for Massachusetts residents.)

2. I went to Twitter, searched for both accounts, and clicked on “follow.” (I was already active on Twitter. However, if you’re not already a Twitter member, you’ll have to join it before benefiting from these or other Twitter bot accounts.)

3. For the next couple of weeks, I checked those New York bot Twitter accounts three or four times an hour. And from time to time, I actually found some potential appointments. Unfortunately, however, each time I went to snag a pair of appointments, I was already too late. This happened even when I started checking every five or ten minutes.

4. Finally, in desperation, I researched how to get “push notifications” from individual Twitter accounts. (In general, I hate and avoid push notifications. But this situation called for emergency measures!)

Fortunately, setting up Twitter push notifications on my laptop turned out to be very simple: All I had to do was return to the home pages of each of those two accounts I was already following (@turbovax and @nycshotslots) and click on the icon immediately to the left of the word “following.” (The icon looks like a bell with a plus sign.) Clicking on it turns on push notifications for that specific Twitter feed, and you’ll know it’s properly set up because after clicking on it, it will turn as dark blue as your “following” indicator button.

5. From then on, as long as I was near my laptop (and the sound was on) I’d hear a sound indicating that one of those two accounts had just tweeted. Additionally a visible notice would flash, then disappear very quickly.

6. As soon as I saw or heard one of those “push notifications” I headed to Twitter to read the latest bot tweets and see if it was for appointment locations/dates that might work for us. And the second I saw one that might be good, I clicked on the site, filled out the forms, and was able to successfully book appointments for both Mark and myself.

Even then, acting so swiftly, I ended up with appointments for us on consecutive days, and not the theoretically more desirable same day. But that actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because parking was impossible at that location (Hillcrest High School, Jamaica Queens, NY.)

So Mark and I took turns on consecutive appointment days, remaining in the driver’s seat, illegally parked in front of someone’s driveway with the blinkers on, ready to move the car at a moment’s notice, for as long as it took for the non-car-baby-sitter to get his/her shot.

Mark and I are both very relieved to have gotten our first shots and to have dates scheduled for our second shots. And I hope you too either have gotten (or will soon get) your Covid vaccine shots.

I also hope that you found this info helpful or, at least, enjoyed my limerick.

*****
FYI, here’s a non-Twitter New York State-wide bot that I haven’t tried, because I discovered it after booking our appointments.