I sometimes feel hearty and hale,
And at other times, dauntingly frail.
When the latter takes hold,
I feel achy and old
And have droll thoughts like “maybe try kale.”
(National Kale Day falls on the first Wednesday of October.)
Archive for the ‘Health & Medical Humor’ Category
Droll Thoughts (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 4th, 2023What Heel Invented Stilettos? (Limerick)
Sunday, September 3rd, 2023When I’m asked, “What’s your least fav invention?”
I waver: “Too many to mention!”
But when pressed, I select
The stiletto; feet wrecked
By the score just for leggy extension!
(National High Heels Day is celebrated on May 20.)
Lost and Found (Limerick)
Thursday, July 27th, 2023An old doctor was filled with alarm;
She had lost her beloved lucky charm.
Though she found it quite fast,
Her relief did not last,
For, alas, it was still on her arm.
Smoky Days Are Here Again (Limerick)
Friday, June 30th, 2023Canadian smoke has returned;
Acrid remnants of forests that burned
Nowhere near New York City
Have turned our air gritty.
That stroll I attempted? Adjourned!
Happy Yoga Day! (Limerick)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2023This headline reminded me that today (June 21) is International Day Of Yoga: “International Yoga Day: PM Modi leads celebrations at UN Headquarters in New York”.
So it’s time for yet another yoga-related limerick:
I used to do yoga most days.
It was more than a health-conscious phase.
But I did it MY way;
Certain moves were a NAY
To avoid setting bad wrists ablaze.
Crotchety Joints (Limerick)
Friday, June 2nd, 2023My knees are at last on the mend.
They even (reluctantly) bend.
Are they trek-worthy? No!
But they’ll go to and fro
Sev’ral blocks. (Just don’t make them ascend!)
Acrostic Limerick Quartet
Saturday, April 15th, 2023For an upcoming interview, I was asked why I hadn’t written any acrostic limericks since 2015. The question surprised me, because I was certain this couldn’t be true. As it turns out, I’ve written quite a few since then, but never got around to posting them on this blog. For instance, here’s a quartet of acrostic limericks I wrote in 2019 for a contest, but forgot (until now) to post on my blog:
I’m alarmed when mosquitoes come near.
They adore me, I fear. Ev’ry year,
Come what may, I get bitten.
How come? Cuz they’re smitten.
Yes, THAT’S why I’m scratching my rear.
An acrostical challenge in verse
Leads this poet to mutter and curse;
Penning lines so constrained
Has my mind frazzled, pained,
As each version, perversely, is worse.
Anxiety’s cloud, oh so dense;
Neurosis can make you feel tense.
Getting out of your chair
(Somehow going somewhere)
Tends to help, so let healing commence.
How I love to draw laughs or a smile,
Using lim’ricks to banish the bile
Many people amass.
Only wit helps it pass;
Rhymed verse … for when life’s feeling vile.
Unadventurous Limerick
Monday, March 13th, 2023An adventurous person? Hee-hee!
I’m a bit of a coward, you see.
So to physical risks,
I say “No!” All my discs
And my bones seem essential to me.
Limerick Ode To DST
Saturday, March 11th, 2023If you live in a part of our nation
That creates DST irritation
Via forward or back
Clock adjustments, alack!
Spring ahead for some sleep deprivation!
A Cooked Up Complaint? (Limerick)
Thursday, February 9th, 2023A lawyer whose molar was aching
Lambasted a bakery’s baking:
Said his tooth had been marred
By a dangerous shard—
A shakedown, methinks, in the making.
(National Toothache Day falls on February 9.)
The Violinist’s Plight (Limerick)
Tuesday, December 13th, 2022A fellow who plays violin
Bears his neck pain with grace and a grin:
“Yes the problem is big,
But it comes with the gig;
I must take all my aches on the chin.”
(December 13th is National Violin Day.)
Here We Go Again With The Clocks (Haiku)
Saturday, November 5th, 2022
Foiled Romance (Limerick)
Tuesday, July 5th, 2022A young lass liked a fellow a lot,
But his anti-vax views were a blot.
So she thwarted his pass
When she grasped that, alas,
He would never give vaxes a shot.
Dodging The Dentist (2-Verse Limerick)
Monday, May 30th, 2022Who hasn’t discovered a gap
Where you once had a crown or a cap?
Then you search high and low.
Where the hell did it go?
If you’re lucky, it fell in your lap.
But more likely, it’s gone or destroyed;
Need a new one to fill that damn void.
You’re apparently fucked;
That doc you have ducked
For years must, alas, be employed.
An Age-Old Story (Limerick)
Tuesday, April 26th, 2022Although her great-uncle was old,
He still loved to play sports; he was bold
And he gave it his all
When he lunged for a ball.
He’d but ONE worry: Catching a cold!
A Failure To Communicate (Limerick)
Monday, April 18th, 2022A largely deaf fellow named Ben
Relished sex in his new girlfriend’s den.
But she’d talk during sex,
(Very much like his ex.)
His confusing reply? “Come again.”
A Healthy Disagreement (Limerick)
Tuesday, April 5th, 2022Her boyfriend insists that she’s “jerky”
For falling for health warnings “murky.”
He has coaxed and opined,
But he can’t change her mind:
She’s swearing off poultry “cold turkey.”
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 16, 2022)
Saturday, April 2nd, 2022It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SECURITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SECURITY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 17, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16, 2022, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my NOSE or KNOWS or NOES-rhyme limerick:
A fellow named Joe often goes
To ENT docs — nasal pros.
Those rhinologists charge
Pricey fees; bills so large
That poor Joe’s forced to pay through the nose.
And here’s my SECURITY-themed limerick:
Though the homebuilder does know the score,
His computer security’s poor.
So to no one’s surprise,
He’s been hacked. You’ll surmise:
Someone readily found the back door.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Conductor Misconduct (Limerick)
Monday, March 28th, 2022A crazy conductor named Dick
Had a fondness for “food on a stick.”
The guy was far gone;
Used his skewer-baton
To throw food at the winds with a flick.
*****
Happy “Something On A Stick Day.” (March 28)
