Archive for the ‘Food & Drink Humor’ Category

Why I Love The French (Limerick)

Sunday, July 25th, 2021

Want a gibe that sounds charming? Don’t fret!
French phrases can help you — no sweat!
If the java tastes vile,
Simply bitch with a smile:
“This coffee is ‘jus de chaussette.'”

(I was amused to learn that the literal translation of “jus de chaussette” is “sock juice.”)

Limerick Ode To Tequila

Saturday, July 24th, 2021

Happy “National Tequila Day!” (July 24)

Tequila Day’s here, so let loose!
Drink it straight; don’t dilute it with juice.
You’d rather drink beer?
Bourbon? Gin? I won’t sneer.
More tequila for MOI! So a truce!

Coping With Cabin Fever (Limerick)

Thursday, July 8th, 2021

I’m pleased that this Covid-related limerick of mine has just been published here in “Poetry and Covid.”

Manhattan’s begun to reopen;
Just in time, cuz we barely are copin’.
Cabin fever’s widespread.
Are our fav nightspots dead?
Can we still get great food there? Here’s hopin’!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 10, 2021)

Saturday, June 26th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ETIQUETTE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ETIQUETTE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 11, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 10, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SPIN-rhyme limerick:

A gal who was clever at spin
Delivered it all with a grin.
Though her clients were sleazy
And cheesy, the breezy
Defenses she’d gin up would win.

And here’s my ETIQUETTE-themed limerick:

When he swallowed his wine, he was rapid.
Then he swiftly dismissed it as “vapid.”
His date was aghast:
“You guzzled it fast!
You’re insipid; that Pinot is sapid.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

AWOL Paper (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

Does anyone else miss paper menus and train schedules? In New York City, at least, they’ve both disappeared — their elimination an apparent byproduct of the Covid pandemic.

Paper train-schedule? Thing of the past.
Paper menu? It too didn’t last.
Their replacement? Your phone,
Where such data is shown.
Your cell phone ain’t “smart?” Best act fast!

Not So Tasty Limerick

Sunday, June 20th, 2021

I can’t muster a liking for mustard.
Its taste makes me far worse than flustered.
My reaction’s ballistic
To sauce sinapistic,
So don’t you dare add it to custard!

The Pushy Chef (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 9th, 2021

Recently, I’ve been playing around with new-to-me words. And that’s how I ended up writing a limerick using “bumptious” (self-assertive to an irritating degree) and “gumptious” (enterprising and industrious.)

(I was actually familiar with “gumption,” but for some reason didn’t connect it with “gumptious.”)

“I insist that you eat this. It’s scrumptious,”
Said a chef who was gumptious and bumptious.
“You must do it right now!”
“Sir do NOT have a cow,
And kindly stop being presumpt’ous.”

What’ll We Do About Guttling? (Limerick)

Monday, June 7th, 2021

I couldn’t resist using the new-to-me word “guttle” in a limerick. (It means “to eat or drink greedily and noisily.”)

Said a gal to her husband, “You guttle!”
She entreated him, “Try to be subtle
When drinking and chewing.
It’s rude what you’re doing!”
“Well at least I don’t fart!” — his rebuttal.

I’m Not Sweet On Sourdough Bread (Limerick)

Thursday, April 1st, 2021

To those of you who enjoy it, Happy Sourdough Bread Day! (April 1)

I am sour on sourdough bread;
Its taste tends to fill me with dread.
But at dough-contents questions
To stave off ingestions
Of sourdough, bakers see red.

I don’t mean to condemn or attack.
I can’t help it; my taste buds are wack.
To some dough, they say “No!”
So I’m begging you: Throw
Something sourdough-free in my sack.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MODE/MOWED/COMMODE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 19, 2020)

Saturday, December 5th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MODE or MOWED or COMMODE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MARKETS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MARKET-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 20, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 19, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my MODE/MOWED/COMMODE-rhyme limerick:

I failed to gain ground as I rowed;
When it’s windy and rainy this mode
Of transit is risky.
Boat’s frisky. Craved whiskey!
But mostly I longed to be towed.

And here’s my MARKETS-themed limerick:

I’m amazed when I see people graze
At the market, as if at buffets.
It is one thing to try
A sample, but why
Eat enough food to last them for days.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 5, 2020)

Saturday, November 21st, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LITIGATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LITIGATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 6, 2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 5, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD-rhyme limerick:

Don’t make me eat chard that’s been charred.
Even non-charred, I find it quite hard
To eat and digest.
At my tastebuds’ behest,
Be on guard against chard. It’s been barred.

And here’s my LITIGATION-themed limerick:

The litigants reached an accord;
One that none of the parties adored.
“That’s as it should be,”
Said the judge. “I decree
This case closed. None too soon! I was bored.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Hungering For Better Colors (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 10th, 2020

Some believe that “red and yellow, in combination, make the perfect visual and psychological companionship for making us want to stop and eat.”

Some claim that the combo of red
And yellow spawns hunger. Instead,
I feel nauseous and queasy;
A mixture so cheesy
Would make me view eating with dread.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HAIL or HALE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 18, 2020)

Saturday, July 4th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using HAIL or HALE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WRITER’S BLOCK, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WRITER’S BLOCK-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 19, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 18, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my Hail/Hale-rhyme limerick:

“Are you ailing? You look very pale;
Not your usual hardy and hale.”
“No, I think I’ll be fine,
Once I’ve guzzled some wine.
Seems I’ve just had my first taste of kale.”

And here’s my Writer’s Block-themed limerick:

My muse has, alas, gone on strike;
At best, it has taken a hike.
And I won’t say this twice —
I don’t want your advice:
Writing AIN’T just like riding a bike!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 4, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)

Saturday, June 20th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEAPONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WEAPON-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 5, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 4, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SOLE/SOUL-rhyme limerick:

When I ordered a French Dover sole,
My fish-dish arrived in a bowl.
“What’s THIS? Why no PLATE?”
I shouted, irate.
(My new rating is “Dinnerware Troll.”)

And here’s my WEAPONS-themed limerick:

What’s my weapon of choice? It is words.
Guns and rifles and knives? For the birds!
Kill or maim? Not my aim.
(Please don’t make me shoot game!)
I’m just one of those bookwormy nerds.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SINK or SYNC at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 20, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)

Saturday, June 6th, 2020

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SINK or SYNC at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PUNCTUATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PUNCTUATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 21, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 20, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SINK/SYNC-rhyme limerick:

I’m teetering right on the brink,
And it feels like my life’s out of sync.
I’m off of my feed.
So what do I need?
A shrink? Or another stiff drink?

And here’s my PUNCTUATION-themed limerick:

“You’ve a problem: You drink too much, pop.”
That comma’s essential – full stop!
Cuz without it the drinker
Is any old stinker…
And the bev’rage? Non-alcohol slop.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Not Tickled Pink Over Rosé (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 14th, 2019

I’m not a big fan of rosé.
Drink anything pink? I say “Nay!”
I’ll have white wine or red,
Or some cognac, instead.
Even better, tequila! Olé!

Happy International Rosé Day! (August 14)

Limerick Ode To Filet Mignon

Tuesday, August 13th, 2019

Happy Filet Mignon Day! (August 13)

Dear chef, though I rarely eat steak,
There is one small exception I’ll make:
A dainty filet
Mignon makes my day.
No imposter-cuts! Don’t be a snake!

Ambitious Limerick

Thursday, July 25th, 2019

Happy “National Culinarians Day!” (July 25) Here’s a limerick to celebrate:

A chef who was sly and ambitious
Ensured that each dish was delicious
By theft from the best.
But he fin’ly confessed…
To disclaim a review that was vicious.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TIME or THYME at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 27, 2019)

Sunday, July 14th, 2019

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TIME or THYME at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INVESTMENT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INVESTMENT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 28, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 27, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my TIME/THYME-rhyme limerick:

My husband Mark’s cooking? Sublime!
But my kitchen ineptness? A crime!
Don’t believe me? How’s this
For ignorant bliss:
Can’t distinguish paprika from thyme.

And here’s my INVESTMENT-themed limerick:

An investor who frequently strains
Our credulity always maintains
That he’s made lots of bread,
But rumors have spread
That pounds are the guy’s only gains.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Who’s Having That Picnic? (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 18th, 2019

Picnics certainly hold some appeal,
For it’s hard not to savor a meal
Where the air’s fresh and sweet,
Though it sure would be neat,
If those bugs had a trifle less zeal.

Happy International Picnic Day (June 18)