Archive for the ‘Family Verse’ Category

The Not So Happy Couple (Limerick)

Saturday, August 6th, 2022

“I’ve been faithful! You’ve NOT been deceived,”
Said a gal to her spouse. “I’m aggrieved
And can’t handle your doubts,
Accusations, and shouts!”
“Don’t worry! I’ll soon be bereaved.”

Still Bugged By Mosquitoes (Limerick)

Monday, July 11th, 2022

Wherever I go (or I’ve been)
Bugs attack me, ignoring my kin.
I scratch and I itch
And I can’t help but bitch…
Cuz mosquitoes get under my skin!

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

The Off-Kilter Kiss (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2022

A young fellow sensed something amiss
With wife Fran from her lackluster kiss;
She had downed sev’ral beers,
Then compounded his fears:
“I’m not Fran, but her evil twin sis.”

(“National Kissing Day” falls each year on June 22.)

Cloaked In Bravado (Limerick)

Sunday, April 24th, 2022

He showed off his coat with a swagger:
“It’s a one-of-a-kind,” said the bragger.
Then he brandished a knife:
“I’ll use THIS on the wife!”
His behavior? Sub-par cloak-and-dagger.

Dishy Verse (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 19th, 2022

Well aware that his rich aunt would savor
Chole Masala — her favorite flavor,
Greedy Greg bought her lunch
At an Indian brunch.
His goal was (of course) curry favor.

When I Rise, I Don’t Shine (Limerick)

Monday, November 1st, 2021

Ev’ry day when I rise, hubby greets me
With political news, which depletes me.
He’s eager to share it,
But I just can’t bear it,
Cuz pre-caffeine info defeats me.

Happy Genealogy Day! (Limerick)

Saturday, March 10th, 2018

It’s National Genealogy Day. (2nd Saturday of March)

A woman whose quest for her roots
Revealed relatives deep in cahoots
With a killer and bandit,
Has finally canned it
And buried her fam’ly tree fruits.

Name-Blame (Limerick)

Sunday, March 4th, 2018

It’s risky when parents show flair
In naming their child, so beware!
If you pick a bad name,
You may shoulder the blame
And the cost of a therapist’s stare.

Happy Celebrate Your Name Week (1st full week of March.)

Happy Brothers Day! (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 24th, 2016

Oh brother! It’s Brothers Day. Wow!
I’ve got me a good one. And how!
With a heart off the chart
Arthur (now known as Art)
Is unrivaled. Please Art, take a bow.

Brothers Day (May 24) is actually meant to celebrate the bond between brothers. But since I missed Brother And Sister Day on March 26, and Siblings Day on April 10, this will have to do.

Limerick For National Rum Day

Saturday, August 16th, 2014

Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)

Limerick For National Rum Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal called her husband a lout
And threatened to highball it out
If he kept drinking rum.
He at first was struck dumb,
Then obligingly switched up to stout.

Happy “Bike To Work Day”

Thursday, May 15th, 2014

May 16th is National Bike to Work Day. Of course, some rides work out better than others:

A Spousal Ride (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Spousal nagging pushed hubby to strike
Some balance by riding a bike.
But when ego and ass
Took a beating, alas,
He told biking and wife, “Take a hike!”

Say “NO!” To “Yes, Dear”

Wednesday, April 30th, 2014

Say “NO!” To “Yes, Dear”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s something most husbands should fear:
Wives’ reactions on hearing, “Yes, dear.”
It’s a phrase to avoid
Cuz we’re not just annoyed,
But enraged. Guys could lose precious “gear.”

Passover Verse

Monday, April 14th, 2014

May your seder be lovely,
A holiday treat.
May it not be too late
Till you finally eat.

Happy Passover to all who celebrate it!

Astrology Duet ( 2-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, April 9th, 2014

Astrology Duet (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The sign Virgo is mine through and through,
And there’s nothing at all you can do
To convince me it’s crap
And frivolous pap.
I’ll critique you precisely on cue.

Now my spouse is a “home and hearth” guy.
When asked why, he’ll respond with a sigh:
“It’s a Cancer-type trait.
“Love my mate plus a plate
“Of home-cooking — stuff money can’t buy.”

Update: International Astrology Day is celebrated yearly on the first full day of Aries (on the Vernal Equinox.)

Those Poor Italian Husbands (Limerick)

Monday, September 2nd, 2013

Those Poor Italian Husbands (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In Italy, men are bereft:
The economy’s lost all its heft.
They no longer can rent
Second places — they’re spent!
So most have no mistresses left.

My limerick was inspired by this Daily Beast article: The Economic Crisis Makes Infidelity Too Expensive, which quotes an Italian husband, who complained: “It really messed up my romantic life.” (The pitiful fellow had been forced to rent out his bachelor pad in Rome.)

Limerick Rant

Wednesday, August 28th, 2013

Limerick Rant
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A botanist, rather a ranter,
Looked down upon lighthearted banter.
Though he constantly “shared”
His views, which he blared,
When his wife tried to talk, he’d supplant ‘er.

Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)

Friday, August 16th, 2013

Happy National Rum Day! (August 16)

Happy National Rum Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man was balled out out by his mum,
Who told him to stop making rum.
“That’s my bus’ness,” he said.
“It’s my butter and bread.”
But he chewed on it. Now he makes gum.

Motherly Angst (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 8th, 2013

Motherly Angst (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A mom at the end of her rope
Said “It’s hopeless! I simply can’t cope.
Both the food and the band
Appear to be canned.
The rest of my kids must elope!”

Happy Mother’s Day!

Freelance Mothering

Tuesday, May 7th, 2013

This feels vaguely appropriate for Mother’s Day:

Freelance Mothering (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Be it newspapers, Web, magazines,
Mistakes are in print and on screens:
Though I’ve NO kids to nag,
I once learned in a mag:
I’m the very proud mother of teens.

True story: Many years ago I wrote several freelance humor columns for Family Circle Magazine, one of which was a “humorous contract” between parents and their teen about learning to drive.

I’ll never forget standing on a long line at the supermarket and spotting the issue I was scheduled to appear in, near the cash register. I grabbed the magazine, turned to the back page and excitedly started to read.

Everything look great … until I got to the bio note, which should have read: “Madeleine Begun Kane is a New York-based freelance humor columnist and lawyer.”

Instead, it read, “Madeleine Begun Kane is the mother of teens.”

And no, I do NOT have any children … unless, of course, you count my hubby Mark.

Happy “Worship Of Tools Day” (Limerick)

Monday, March 11th, 2013

I’m celebrating National Worship Of Tools Day (March 11th) with this limerick:

Happy Worship Of Tools Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“If only I had the right tool!”
That’s my husband’s pet phrase, as a rule,
Fueled by trying a fix
With his personal mix
Of chewing gum, tape, and some drool.