Archive for the ‘Computer Humor’ Category

My Losing Battle With Spam (Limerick)

Saturday, May 11th, 2024

My damn email spam’s out of control!
My attempts at a fix? A black hole!
Unsubscribing with zeal
Simply proves that I’m REAL,
A great target — a gullible soul.

Bot Attack (Limerick)

Thursday, February 22nd, 2024

My poor stomach is tied up in knots,
Cuz I’m being assaulted by bots.
They are clogging both blogs,
Email’s gone to the dogs,
And I’m drowning in spam. (Hence the trots.)

“Cookie Day” Ode (Limerick)

Monday, December 4th, 2023

It’s “Cookie Day” Lovely! How sweet!
They must surely mean cookies we eat,
And not info that’s stored
By the sites we’ve explored,
For the latter ain’t always a treat!

(National Cookie Day is celebrated annually on December 4.)

Limerick Ode To Info Overload

Tuesday, October 17th, 2023

Does it feel like your head might explode?
Do you suffer from brain overload?
Here’s a trick you might try:
It should help. Wait! Stand by!
Seems I’ve lost my pc’s logon code.

(Today is Information Overload Day which falls annually on the third Tuesday of October.)

My Adventures with AI Bots Bard and ChatGPT

Wednesday, April 19th, 2023

Yesterday, I had a rather disturbing experience while playing with one of the sundry AI bots. It confirmed a concern I had the minute I started hearing about all those sundry technological “marvels.”

Google’s BARD, recently featured on 60 Minutes, was the one I was experimenting with yesterday. (I’d previously spent a little bit of time with ChatGPT and found (much to my relief) that it was terrible at creating limericks.

Anyway, yesterday I asked BARD to “write a limerick in the style of Edward Lear.” Almost immediately, it responded with an excellent and very famous limerick generally attributed to this fellow: Arthur Henry Reginald Buller.

Here’s the limerick, which many of you are likely to recognize:

“There once was a lady named Bright,
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.”

(The bot did NOT credit any author.)

I gave this response a negative review and, when asked why, I explained that the limerick was completely plagiarized.

I then asked BARD to write a limerick about Donald Trump, wondering if it would steal another limerick. Instead, it responded “I’m a text-based AI and can’t assist with that.”

Finally, I asked BARD for a limerick about the weather. It churned out three limericks that were lousy, but not nearly as bad as the ones produced by CHATGPT. In both cases, a quick Google search didn’t yield any evidence of theft. On the other hand, if they were stolen, they were stolen from very bad and (hopefully) obscure limerick writers.

UPDATE: A friend suggested I try the same query again, but add the word “original.” So just now I posted this request to BARD: “Write an original limerick in the style of Edward Lear.” Alas, it churned out the same famous limerick that it “wrote” yesterday. So not only did the word “original” make no difference, but the bot failed to learn from yesterday’s negative comment.

Taking Refuge In Limericks

Tuesday, February 21st, 2023

“Two weeks at a refuge sounds sweet,”
Said a stressed-out young woman. “I’m beat!”
When she got there, a crone
Said “Hand over your phone!”
So the gal beat a hasty retreat.

Limerick Ode To Elon “I Love Free Speech” Musk

Friday, December 16th, 2022

Musk famously praises free speech.
Yet he’s guilty of breach after breach,
Like his journo suspensions
For negative mentions.
Time to practice, dear Musk, what you preach!

Technology Haiku Duo

Thursday, December 8th, 2022

I froze in terror.
The screen said “fatal error.”
Computer novice.


I can still recall
when computers and the Net
felt much like magic.

Limerick Ode To Elon Musk (2-Verse)

Monday, November 7th, 2022

Dear Elon, I’m very impressed!
As blunders go, yours are the best!
I’d assumed you were smart,
But you’ve mastered the art
Of destroying your pricey, new nest.

Primo content providers are pissed.
Key staff has been rashly dismissed.
Twitter ad-buyers flee,
While ignoring your plea.
Your mistakes are too many to list!

A Dogged Quest (3-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

A woman who wanted a pet
Became angry, perturbed, and upset:
She’d been told dog adoption
Was OUT as an option…
Cuz she spent too much time on the net.

She replied, “If the net’s bad, then why
Is your website the place we must buy
These sweet canines you say
Need a home? Still say ‘Nay?’
Any court will your ruling decry.”

Upon hearing her not-so-veiled threat,
The naysayer started to sweat.
Since his site can’t afford
To be sued, he’s on board.
Her new spaniel — Tibetan — great get!


(Happy “World Pet Day” — September 28.)

Jacked By Robots (Limerick)

Monday, September 26th, 2022

Today (September 26) is both Lumberjack Day and Robot Day. So it’s ironic that robots are stealing jobs from lumberjacks.

A lumberjack, dressed like a slob,
Gets fired and lets out a sob:
“I’ve been cut down to size
By a gizmo,” he cries.
“A robot has stolen my job!”

Undone! (Limerick)

Friday, August 26th, 2022

You’re worn out; you should put on the brakes.
At the laptop, you’re getting the shakes.
Text has vanished! It’s KEY!
There’s a fix: “Control-Z.”
(I just wish it cured NON-tech mistakes.)

Buggy Website Blues (4-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, May 19th, 2022

Dear Website, I’m caught in a snare
By your new “how’d we do?” questionnaire.
My goal is to pay
Your invoice, but NAY:
Seems I can’t, till I grievances air.

Your survey form’s blocking the page
Where the bill payer’s meant to engage.
Since it won’t let me do
What I’m here for, I’m blue,
And your webmaster’s not very sage.

You want my opinion? Here goes:
Your website’s horrendous — it blows!
Will you NOW let me pay
Your damn invoice today?
How does anyone pay what she owes!

Your rating is dreadful! Want more?
You should show all your web techs the door.
If you don’t fix your site
So your pay-page works right,
You will soon join the ranks of the poor.

A Miamian’s Vice (Limerick)

Sunday, May 8th, 2022

A fellow who hailed from Miami
Got paid to send messages spammy.
In his latest, the cad
Placed both virus and ad
For a fake Covid cure — double whammy.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 16, 2022)

Saturday, April 2nd, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SECURITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SECURITY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 17, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16, 2022, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my NOSE or KNOWS or NOES-rhyme limerick:

A fellow named Joe often goes
To ENT docs — nasal pros.
Those rhinologists charge
Pricey fees; bills so large
That poor Joe’s forced to pay through the nose.

And here’s my SECURITY-themed limerick:

Though the homebuilder does know the score,
His computer security’s poor.
So to no one’s surprise,
He’s been hacked. You’ll surmise:
Someone readily found the back door.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Facebook Gripes (Limerick)

Monday, March 7th, 2022

While on Facebook, folks often complain
About comments that drive them insane.
If you’re truly annoyed,
They’re a breeze to avoid:
“Unfollowing” blocks all that pain.

Verboten Visitors (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

A creature who goes by “James Bot”
Spams my blog ev’ry day. Yes, a lot!
And I swear that’s the name
That he uses; can’t blame
You for doubts. But it’s true. Kid you not!

Putting “Thank-Yous” On Hold (Limerick)

Monday, February 7th, 2022

This Jonathon Owen tweet reawakened one of my old pet peeves and inspired my limerick: “Hold music that is interrupted every two seconds by a message thanking you for your patience and asking you to remain on the line is a form of psychological torture.”

Dear “Firms Who Use Music-On-Hold,”
Moldy messages swiftly grow old.
I’m not “patiently waiting.”
Don’t thank me; it’s grating.
So stop breaking in! I’m not sold!

A Heart To Heart About Bots (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

I enjoy playing Hearts against bots.
Do they win many times? Alas, lots!
But they don’t stop to snack,
And they never talk smack.
They don’t gloat or take shots or share thoughts.

(Happy Card Playing Day! It falls each year on December 28.)

A Knotty Issue (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

“Though it’s fine that my boyfriend is naughty,
A bit bossy and bad-ass and dotty,
His obsession with bots
Has me tied up in knots.
So I can’t tie the knot with that hottie.”