Archive for April, 2024

The Dancer (Limerick)

Monday, April 29th, 2024

A convivial fellow from France
Took the stage and performed a short dance.
He was graceful and masked.
“Did you like it?” he asked.
Though most clapped, I said, “Next time, wear pants!”

Happy “International Dance Day!” (April 29th each year)

Bad Taste? (Limerick)

Saturday, April 27th, 2024

“Tell me, why are you dating that bum?”
Said a gal to her strict-vegan chum.
“Yes, that fellow’s no saint,
But the man sure can paint!
Plus the guy has a very green thumb.”

The Moper (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 24th, 2024

A fellow who frequently mopes,
Moaned, “Ev’rything dashes my hopes!”
He even bewailed
A self-hanging that failed:
“The NEXT time, I’m learning the ropes!”

A Hairy Tale (Limerick)

Friday, April 19th, 2024

I went gray at a premature age,
But embraced it and hoped to look sage.
For a lawyer sans penis
Back then? Mars v. Venus!
Young, female, and short — NOT the rage!

A Critical Difference (Limerick)

Thursday, April 18th, 2024

Though it’s rare that I cavil or carp,
And on errors, I try not to harp,
I am ditched by my filter
When pitch is off-kilter;
My critique will be harsh — flat-out sharp!

Distractions (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 16th, 2024

I attempt to write lim’ricks each day.
But at times my damn mind won’t obey:
For my latest lim-slump
I blame tax forms and Trump.
Both distract me and WON’T GO AWAY!

The Disgruntled Client (2-Verse Limerick)

Saturday, April 13th, 2024

The defendant (young Teddy) was tense,
For his trial was about to commence.
He had troubles — a pile,
And his lawyer (pal Kyle)
Lost his file and appeared to be dense.

Teddy yelled: “You are fired. The end!
You have driven me over the bend!”
“This is YOUR fault,” said Kyle,
With a slippery smile.
“No one told you to hire a friend!”

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TACK or ATTACK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 4, 2024)

Saturday, April 6th, 2024

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TACK or ATTACK at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANNOYANCES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ANNOYANCE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 5, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday,  May 4, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my TACK or ATTACK-Rhyme Limerick:

In the summer, mosquitoes attack.
(Seems my blood, alas, makes a good snack.)
They hang out in our yard,
Hungry, always on guard
For their “meal” to take one step out back.

And here’s my ANNOYANCE-Themed Limerick:

My enjoyment of scat singing’s scant.
I’m averse to Gregorian Chant.
Bagpipe bands drive me mad!
Vuvuzelas are BAD!
This concludes my unmusical rant.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

An ambitious young woman named Kyle
Found her trend-setting efforts a trial.
One fall evening, she freaked
When this fashion news leaked:
Her new gown was no longer in style.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off Post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (520)

Saturday, April 6th, 2024

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

In broad daylight he aimed; took the shot.
She lay still, on the deck of his yacht.
When she writhed on the floor,
He shot her twice more
At his favorite fashion pics spot.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the PICTURES-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

His new gal was an absolute mess;
He was fully enthralled, nonetheless.
He wised up really quick
When he spotted her pic
On the wall at the USPS.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.

Vain old Donald is having his say again;
With the Bible he’s having his way again.
He amuses his base,
As he says with straight face —
“We will all Make America Prey Again!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Gail White, Jean McEwen, Gennadiy Gurariy, Doug Harris, J.OConnor, Trevor Alexander, Susan Settje, Dave Johnson, Bob Turvey, Lisi Nortman, Mike Monks, Fred Bortz, Brian Allgar, Terry Marter, and Mark Totterdell. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Cried a doctor when one patient fought
An injection, “Just take it or not!”
And he wasn’t amused
When the same guy confused
Him by saying, “I’d rather be shot.”


Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I like classic old Westerns a lot —
Gritty films where drunk cowboys get shot.
When these tough buckaroos
Take in bullets and booze,
They just grin and say, “That hit the spot.”

Tim James:

She texted her picture. She’s hot,
So I thought I’d give romance a shot.
Then she told me she’s rootin’
For Vladimir Putin.
My internet girlfriend’s a bot!

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

If The Donald should lose the election,
There’s no reason to stage insurrection.
He should give (while he’s hot)
Making movies a shot.
He’s so awfully good at projection.


Gail White:

The day of my hanging was hot
And the amateurs tying the knot
Made a slippery noose
That was really too loose…
So I opted for just being shot.

Jean McEwen:

Sophie figured she’d give it a shot.
So she struck while the iron was hot.
But then promptly she learned
That one’s hand will get burned
When the iron one strikes isn’t wrought.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

With a gun pointed straight at his head,
The quarry quick-wittedly said,
“A close-up is not
My favorite shot.
Could you make it a selfie instead?”

Tim James:

She lost track of the number of shots
That she’d downed. (Let’s just say it was lots.)
She will drink you — she’s able —
Way under the table.
She’s Mary, the Queen of the Sots.

Gennadiy Gurariy:

One evening a thief tried his best
To break through the lock on my chest.
I yelled “you’ll get shot!”
And aimed the red dot
But then let my cats do the rest.

Doug Harris:

The Jaeger bombs started the rot;
With whiskies I’ve often been caught.
The Doc’s diagnosis:
(I can’t spell cirrhosis)
My liver is totally shot!


He decided that he’d take a shot
At tying his own Windsor Knot.
Though he’d try and he’d try,
He could not tie the tie,
And tie tired is all that he got.

Trevor Alexander:

She had my tongue tied up in knots
And gave me a case of the hots.
My libido was zingin’,
But turned out she’s mingin’.
I’m glad I’ve had all of my shots.

Mark Totterdell:

Having starting the night sipping tots,
I continued with various shots.
After many drinks more,
I was flat on the floor,
Swilling beer out of two-gallon pots.


Dave Johnson:

She tried a new app for a date.
Turns out, it was far less than great;
Selecting a guy,
But whose pic was AI,
A zombie who then showed up late.

Gennadiy Gurariy:

At last I pried open my wallet
For that blasted thing… what do kids call it?
The self-serving stick?
The self, selfie trick?
Now can somebody help me install it?

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

There’s the shirt with the Donald T mugshot,
And the Viktor-and-me T, a hug shot.
But I can’t wait to see,
The celebrative tee,
That’s the Donald’s-at-last-in-the-jug shot.

J.OConnor, for his “true home improvement story”

Pulled old wallpaper off of our wall.
Found a picture drawn seven feet tall
Of a majorette dressed
In a way no one guessed:
Besides boots she wore nothing at all.

Bob Turvey:

Said my father, “I think I’ll invest
My spare cash in tattoos for my chest.
I’ve a picture in mind –
Charlie Chaplin’s behind –
It’ll make me laugh when I’m depressed.”

Lisi Nortman:

I rarely take selfies. I lack
The fervor, the zeal and the knack.
Though I cannot deny
That I gave it a try
To examine that zit on my back.

Mike Monks:

A meet & greet held in a bar
Fell terribly lower than par;
While her pic showed a cutie,
There now was no beauty.
Come on, folks! Just show who you are!

Fred Bortz:

For a classical musical treat,
Try Mussorgsky’s evocative suite
That brings to fruition
An art exhibition.
A sensory palate complete!

Lisi Nortman:

This sale is sure not “for the birds.”
The people are coming in herds.
They’ve a very nice staff.
The reduction is “half.”
Each pic is worth 500 words.

Jean McEwen:

Bedecking the walls of Jill’s villa
Are paintings that look just vanilla.
Every piece of her home
Is clichéd – monochrome.
Refined taste? Jill has not a scintilla.

Brian Allgar:

Donald Trump is a blowhard, quite mad,
And I picture a scene, very bad:
To prove he’s a sleaze
And determined to please,
He’s down on his knees blowing Vlad.


Susan Settje:

The pompous young doc lacked humanity.
His godlike self-image, pure vanity.
Like a peacock, he preened,
While his patients all keened.
His murder? I’m pleading insanity.

Terry Marter:

With neurosis eroding her sanity;
Obsessed with her mirror, (and vanity),
She’s applied to herself
The whole beauty bar shelf,
And now looks like a walking profanity!

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Jane asked, “Doctor, can I be psychotic?”
When he answered, “No, simply neurotic,
And perhaps a bit vain,”
She complained, “How mundane.
I deserve something much more exotic.”

Tim James:

A neurotic old despot named Don
Told his doctor, “My self-control’s gone.
I’m obnoxious, or vain,
Or just flat-out insane;
It depends on the drugs that I’m on.”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

The reception you get will be cold,
If you contact your doctor, I’m told,
And try to postpone
Your appointment by phone.
All they do then is put you on hold.

Tim James:

I want to write something amusing.
My Muse, though, won’t help; she’s refusing.
In my vanity, I
Thought at least that she’d try.
I’d do better by taking up boozing.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

When Rod needed “amusement” –and quick,
He thought Speed Dating might do the trick.
But the date said, “You’re vain,
And your fast-talk’s inane.”
Then she gave him a really swift kick.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Balls! (Limerick)

Friday, April 5th, 2024

It is National Volleyball Day.
Will I celebrate? No! Never! Nay!
I’ve a life-long approach
To all balls that encroach:
Duck and hide, if one’s coming my way.

The Haughty Professor (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2024

A haughty old prof who wore tweed
Taught the classics (stuff most folks don’t read.)
A fine poet of note,
The man furtively wrote
Naughty lim’ricks with fervor and speed.

(Tweed Day falls annually on April 3rd.)

Happy “International Fact-Checking Day”

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2024

International Fact-Checking Day
Is today, which reminds me to say:
Always check what you read
On each media feed,
Cuz false info is rampant. Oy Vey!

My Puzzling Complaint (Limerick)

Monday, April 1st, 2024

My Dear Times: I am irked and irate
Cuz Connections and Wordle are great!
And they’ve caused my affliction,
A puzzling addiction.
Kindly STOP using word games as bait!