Archive for June, 2023

Smoky Days Are Here Again (Limerick)

Friday, June 30th, 2023

Canadian smoke has returned;
Acrid remnants of forests that burned
Nowhere near New York City
Have turned our air gritty.
That stroll I attempted? Adjourned!

Lush Limerick

Monday, June 26th, 2023

A fellow who’s known as a lush
Was downing his drinks in a rush.
“If I’m late,” he proclaimed,
“She who shall not be named
Says from now on she’ll ‘only serve mush!'”

Limerick Message To Self

Sunday, June 25th, 2023

Writing lim’ricks requires precision.
Ev’ry rhyming flaw begs for derision.
And the same goes for meter,
So don’t be a cheater!
Wit’s AWOL? I need more revision!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DRINK or DRINKS at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 22, 2023)

Saturday, June 24th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DRINK or DRINKS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TASTE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TASTE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.


(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 23, 2023 , right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 22, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DRINK/DRINKS-Rhyme Limerick:

A nurse who appears on the brink
Of a breakdown stopped seeing her shrink.
“He’s been making me worse,”
She asserts with a curse.
“Plus he claims that I drove him to drink.”

And here’s my TASTE-Themed Limerick:

A gal with a poor sense of style
Hadn’t bought any clothes in a while.
So she purchased a dress,
A bright red, tasteless mess,
Way too ugly and gross to defile.

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

I’m afraid that I’m being replaced
Based on nothing important; I’ve aced
All my functions and more,
Yet they’ve shown me the door.
Their grievance? They claim I eat paste.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (510)

Saturday, June 24th, 2023

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

At the power plant, newcomer Dwight
Was not very careful or bright;
He shorted the grid,
And, you know, when he did,
It both was and was not a delight.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special TEACHER-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

My mentor at work taught me this:
Never tell the boss something’s amiss.
When he says something dumb,
Shut your mouth and stay mum;
And don’t ever forget what to kiss.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: JOINT, LOVELY, NAP, TAX, CONQUER.

Mused one caveman — a sensitive chap —
Before giving his woman a rap,
“I would take time to conquer
My instinct to bonk her,
But then I’d miss out on my nap.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Paul Haebig, J.OConnor, Terry Marter, Judy Freed, Rudy Landesman, Lisi Nortman, Brian Allgar, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Bob Turvey, Tony Holmes, Dave Johnson, Mark Totterdell, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Tim James:

She pursued and eventually caught him.
It took a full day, but she taught him
All the ways to delight.
For the final that night,
His exam was complete, top to bottom.


Paul Haebig:

The dragon beseeched the brave knight:
“Would you help me, kind sir, in my plight?
The fire’s gone out
At the end of my snout.
Could you possibly give me a light?”

J.OConnor, for his “acrostic” limerick:

Look at me and you’ll see that I’m light.
I’m as light as a feather and might
Get airborne with ease,
Head off in the breeze,
Then get stuck in a tree like a kite!

Terry Marter:

If you tend to post lims when you’re pissed,*
Your subtle wit’s ‘gems’ will be missed.
Your talent, so bright,
Will fail to delight,
Cause no one but you, gets the gist.


Judy Freed:

She thought she was losing her sight.
Her vision got blurry at night.
Her fears were erased
When her bulbs were replaced.
She could see! It was purely de-light.

Rudy Landesman:

He intended to kiss her that night
By the moon’s bright and silvery light;
But there was an eclipse.
He could not find her lips.
He too, it would seem, wasn’t bright.

Mark Totterdell:

In my youth, life was fun as could be,
But the years have made changes in me.
Now my greatest delight
Would be sleeping all night
With no need to get up for a pee.

Lisi Nortman, who adds that many drivers take the Lincoln Tunnel to get from New Jersey to NYC:

If you’re taking the “Lincoln” tonight,
At the end, you should make a quick right.
Though those hookers don’t know you,
They’re happy to show you:
At the end of the tunnel, there’s light.

Paul Haebig:

I wanted to serve something light,
So I made some fish tacos last night.
But it didn’t work out;
Those ungrateful trout
Swam off without even a bite!

Terry Marter:

Some regard bawdy lim’ricks as trite
And prefer Lim’rick Lite as their rite.
While some others, imbued
With a bent to be crude,
Tend to use words like ‘shite’ with delight.

Mark Totterdell:

A limerick mentioning light
Is a thing I am sure I could write.
I’ve got plenty of time
To come up with a rhyme.
Now just when is that deadline? Oh shite!


Brian Allgar:

“Just explain how to do it,” she begs,
“And I’ll swallow it all to the dregs.”
“Grasp with fingers and thumbs,
Then suck hard till it comes …”
I had taught my old Gran to suck eggs.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I’d like to give thanks to those teachers,
Who due to their no-nonsense features,
Helped build a foundation,
While real education,
Was going on under the bleachers.

Judy Freed:

All my life, how I’d hunger and yearn
For a love who would love in return.
Now I offer a course
In avoiding divorce.
’Cause we teach what we most need to learn.


Recommended by our local preacher,
She’s also a Sunday school teacher.
And she’ll accept checks
When you call her for sex.
But Sundays may be hard to reach her.

Bob Turvey:

Cried an old Orkney teacher named Stover,
“As a sadist I think I’m in clover.
Perhaps there are laws
On using the tawse,
But they don’t apply here so bend over.”

Lisi Nortman, who adds: “In 1969, I taught 5th grade for one year. One year was enough.”

If you want to teach 5th grade, beware!
You’ll repeatedly say this, I swear:
“Your hands don’t belong
In your pants; it’s just wrong.
And girls, please stop twirling your hair.”

Tony Holmes:

The instructor said, “Indicate right.”
I turned left. (You’ve discerned I’m not bright.)
For my second mistake,
I drove into the lake – –
They’re just keeping him in overnight.


Tim James:

A lovely girl carp known as Joy
Swiftly conquered the heart of each boy
In the fish pond. She’d flirt,
And then treat them like dirt.
It turned out she was just being koi.

Fred Bortz:

The lovely maid knew what he meant.
His eyes showed his evil intent.
He wouldn’t just conquer.
He’d ravish and bonk her
Until his desire was spent.


At night when the lights are down low
And his lovely wife’s watching a show,
He will say in her ear
“Are you napping my dear?”
Then she’ll always snore twice for a “NO.”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

When I doze with a wrap on my lap,
My young pup chews the thing into pap.
With his nose out of joint,
Soggy fluff makes his point:
“I have had quite enough of this nap!”

Dave Johnson:

When the bad news continues to tax,
We need to know how to relax.
Try napping or play;
Although some spend their day
Immersed in alternative facts.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I would write of the joints I have been to —
Taken women and children and men to —
But it’s best not to tax
My old brain for the facts
That I shouldn’t be putting my pen to.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award. To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Happy Yoga Day! (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 21st, 2023

This headline reminded me that today (June 21) is International Day Of Yoga: “International Yoga Day: PM Modi leads celebrations at UN Headquarters in New York”.

So it’s time for yet another yoga-related limerick:

I used to do yoga most days.
It was more than a health-conscious phase.
But I did it MY way;
Certain moves were a NAY
To avoid setting bad wrists ablaze.

A Testy Exchange (Limerick)

Friday, June 16th, 2023

Said a grad student, seething, “I reckoned
That I’d surely be first, and not second.
My exam’s been mismarked!”
The peeved prof sternly barked:
“Your ego’s remarkably fecund!”

A Neighbor’s View (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 14th, 2023

I have strange next-door neighbors; they’re freaks,
Whose house is arrayed with antiques.
Its look is forbidding;
Muse’m-like — not kidding!
(I’m in jail now for “peeping tom” peeks.)

Food Leanings (Limerick)

Sunday, June 11th, 2023

I like dining on Asian cuisine,
Cooked with chicken or beef that is lean,
While chewing the fat
In a this-and-that chat
At our house. (I’ve the stay-at-home gene.)

Neighborly Complaint (Limerick)

Thursday, June 8th, 2023

Some fun with another new-to-me word:

Our neighbor just purchased a poodle,
Which does nothing but bark, yelp, and kyoodle.
The poor thing wants to play;
(It’s abandoned each day.)
But those yaps make it hard to canoodle!

The Charmer (Limerick)

Monday, June 5th, 2023

A woman who’s bubbly and charming,
With a manner that’s outright disarming,
Will never take guff.
She’s surprisingly tough
And her bearing, when armed, is alarming.

Crotchety Joints (Limerick)

Friday, June 2nd, 2023

My knees are at last on the mend.
They even (reluctantly) bend.
Are they trek-worthy? No!
But they’ll go to and fro
Sev’ral blocks. (Just don’t make them ascend!)