Archive for October, 2022

AWOL Holidays (Limerick)

Saturday, October 29th, 2022

I maintain an “Odd Holiday” list,
But I keep finding key dates I’ve missed:
“Checklists Day” isn’t there.
It was ONCE there, I swear!
Must enlist an “Alexa” assist.

(October 30th is Checklists Day.)

The Colorful Artist (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 25th, 2022

An artist named Hugh would imbue
All his paintings with one fav’rite hue:
Mostly teal with a touch
Of turquoise and such.
Mocked at first, fame came out of the blue.

Happy “International Artists Day!” (Celebrated each year on October 25)

More “NYT Spelling Bee” Blues (Limerick)

Monday, October 24th, 2022

Dear Bee, though I hate to complain,
Your word list is clearly insane.
How dare you exclude
“Trayf” and “ranty!” That’s rude!
And no “tarty?” You’re taunting my brain!

Hollow Haiku

Thursday, October 20th, 2022

“NYT Spelling Bee” Blues (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 19th, 2022

I’ve been bilked once again by the Bee.
It rejects kosher entries with glee.
My claim’s not debatable:
Spurning “deflatable”
Violates fairness! (Says Me!)

A Knotty Problem (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 18th, 2022

This limerick is a very compressed version of a necktie adventure with hubby Mark. And I can’t think of a better way to celebrate “International Necktie Day.”

“You MUST wear a necktie to enter,”
Mark was told. He’s a necktie dissenter,
But he re-tied his tie
Till our drinks were dropped by,
Then removed it — my waitress tormenter.

Celebrating Pasta (Limerick)

Monday, October 17th, 2022

“I’ve a hunch you had pasta for brunch.
There are stains on your clothing — a bunch.
And they’ll never come out;
Of that fact there’s no doubt.
You should learn not to leak when you lunch.”


Happy National Pasta Day! (October 17)

The Key To Getting Along (Limerick)

Monday, October 17th, 2022

My new boss and I get along well.
What’s our secret? We both never tell
One another our views
On religion and news.
(I suspect, though, he’s going to hell.)


Happy National Boss Day!

It’s “National Dictionary Day!” (Limerick)

Sunday, October 16th, 2022

It’s “National Dictionary Day,” which gives me a good excuse to post a limerick about another new-to-me term: “Dawn Chorus.”

(For the record, all the names have been changed to protect the guilty.)

“Let’s go back to that lovely ‘Fowl Inn,’”
Said my spouse, quite forgetting its din.
’Twas no use telling Boris
(A bull-headed Taurus)
That its dawn chorus drove us to gin.


Happy birthday to American lexicographer Noah Webster, of dictionary compilation fame. He was born October 16, 1758.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DRESS or adDRESS or reDRESS at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: November 12, 2022)

Saturday, October 15th, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DRESS or adDRESS or reDRESS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SINGING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SINGING-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: EYE, RAIL, RUSH, SEAT, SNAIL.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 13, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 12, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DRESS-Rhyme Limerick:

My sister just bawled out my niece:
“You’re unkempt and too sloppy, Elise.
You look like a mess!
Did you sleep in that dress?
I’m fed up! You must learn to de-crease.”

And here’s my SINGING-Themed Limerick:

A fellow who sang in a chorus
Tried out for the lead role in Boris.
“You are NOT good enough!”
Was the speedy rebuff.
“You sound like a sick stegosaurus.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

A fellow who moved like a snail
Couldn’t help it; the old man was frail.
He’d been eyeing a seat
On the train, but was beat
By a boor also trav’ling by rail.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (501)

Saturday, October 15th, 2022

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Should Trump chance on a thought, then he’ll share it;
He loves nothing so much as to air it.
He’ll give to mankind
A piece of his mind,
Even though we all know he can’t spare it.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special BANK-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

At the bank, works a woman named Heller;
The job that she does isn’t stellar.
Her cash counts are wrong,
And her lines slow and long.
Is there nobody there who will tell ’er?

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: YAWN, CLAIM, SPORTS, LAZY, FEARLESS.

An old rancorous widow named Maisie,
Liked to claim her late husband was lazy.
When she’d visit his plot,
She’d say, “Just as I thought —
Now he won’t even push up a daisy.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Dave Johnson, Trevor Alexander, Mark Totterdell, Rudy Landesman, Roger Haugen, Jean McEwen, Sue Dulley, Steve Benko, and Elizabeth M. Baker. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Brian Allgar:

The bank-teller claimed, with a yawn,
“I’ve been working all night until dawn.
Counting bank-notes, I find,
Bores me out of my mind –
I would rather count grass on the lawn.”


Tim James:

“I must have been out of my mind,”
Said the stripper, “to get in this bind.
I’m knocked up by a slob
And it’s cost me my job.
So now I’ve a bump — with no grind.”

Lisi Nortman:

I wrote a bad verse, using “mined.”
This mistake shows my mind has declined.
I rhymed low with hello.
That’s a mega “no-no,”
So to “Lim’rick Jail” I’ve been assigned.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

When my brain’s in a dither, I find
A quick means to achieve peace of mind:
I take all the TP
Off the roll just to see
That there’s always some way to unwind.

Terry Marter:

Since you saw me last year, am I fatter?
I have tried using mind over matter.
With this matter in mind:
My tum? My behind?
Looking back we can see, – it’s the latter.

Dave Johnson:

She told him “I hope you don’t mind,
But this is the way I unwind.”
Her getting undressed
Set the stage for the rest;
Extending a date that was “blind.”

Trevor Alexander:

Well I must have been out of my mind,
When my girlfriend asked if her behind
Looked big in that dress:
My mouth told her, “Yes.”
Now to singleton life, I’m resigned.

Mark Totterdell:

I have fallen so very behind
That I guess I’m completely resigned
To the fact there’s no time
To come up with a rhyme
For this contest that has the word ‘mind.’


Lisi Nortman:

“Granny loves you and wants to express
Her hopes for your future success.
She sent five dollars, Frank!
Put it right in the bank.
And in time, you will see it’s worth less.”

Terry Marter:

He approached the head teller (in floral)
To tell ’er he wanted some oral.
They snuck in a closet;
He left his deposit,
Then hastily made a withdrawal.

Rudy Landesman:

On the banks of the old Jordan River
Sat King Herod; and, Lord, did he quiver!
He’d caught with some guilt a
Fat fish called gefilte.
And that, my good friends, ain’t chopped liver.

Lisi Nortman:

The first thing I felt was a tickle.
The tickle turned into a trickle.
We all had to “go”
Cause the bank line was slow.
Seems that Joe way upfront lost a nickel.

Roger Haugen:

You’d call it a pretty dumb prank,
To hold up the town’s biggest bank;
But he grabbed all the cash
And took off in a flash,
Firing only one bullet – a blank.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I like banks that are caches for dough,
But the tilt of an airplane? Oh no!
I love banks with a slope
To a lake, but say. “Nope!”
To the ones that are made up of snow.

Banks of lights at a gala are cool,
As are bank shots in b-ball and pool;
Plus I’m an admirer,
Of Banks known as Tyra
(Though I can’t rhyme her name as a rule.)


Tim James:

An artist who’s claimed to be fearless
Sports a look that is utterly peerless.
Surpassing Van Gogh,
He makes buckets of dough
Painting “Starry Night” knockoffs while earless.

Jean McEwen:

While the masses exhibit élan
Watching spectator sports, hanging on
To their team’s every play,
I prefer the ballet.
Watching sports gives me one great big yawn.

Sue Dulley:

In sports, I’m both fearless and lazy,
I won’t train if it’s wet, hot or hazy;
Not afraid to come last
As I have in the past,
Running slow, looking fresh as a daisy.

Tim James:

She claimed as she stifled a yawn:
“All the fun in our marriage is gone.”
He was too dense to fear
That the ending was near —
Till he found his stuff out on the lawn.

Terry Marter:

My brother, at cycling, is fearless.
He’s a champ, and I’d claim that he’s peerless.
He’s active and zealous;
I’m lazy, but jealous,
So I sold all his stuff; now he’s gear-less.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

The mere thought of a trip makes me wan;
I’m too lazy to get up at dawn,
Or to ruin a nap,
Just to look at a map,
And then roam about hither and yawn.

Steve Benko:

“To bet you will win would be crazy,”
Said the friends of a tortoise named Daisy.
But she claimed, “See that yawn?
All your jew’ls go and pawn,
For at sports that hare’s fearless but lazy.”

Elizabeth M. Baker:

To encourage a good health report,
My doctor advises a sport.
I claimed to do one,
But it just wasn’t fun —
So my lifetime will have to be short!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Mnemonic Nightmare (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 11th, 2022

“Nemonic” is tricky to spell,
And my efforts to spell it: Pell-mell!
Since my problem is chronic.
I’ve tried a “kneemonic,”
Which hurls me to memory hell.

Contrarian Haiku

Tuesday, October 11th, 2022

Yet Another Brassy Limerick

Monday, October 10th, 2022

Most orchestra members would groan
At the principal trumpeter’s tone.
But his job was secure,
Cuz his lips held allure
For the maestro, a horny old crone.


National Trumpet Day falls on October 10.

Don’t Mess With Goats! (Limerick)

Sunday, October 9th, 2022

If you goad, then escape from a goat,
And you’re planning to sue, please take note:
Flouting rules of a zoo
Can be foolish to do…
So your scapegoat success odds? Remote!

Persnickety Patron (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 5th, 2022

The oatmeal you served me was stale!
And my dinner? How dare you serve kale!
The meals here don’t thrill me.
You trying to kill me?
Better not, or I’ll see you in jail!


(National Kale Day falls on the first Wednesday of October.)

Buttering Up A Farmer (Limerick)

Sunday, October 2nd, 2022

“After seeing your farm, I’m agog
At its beautiful pigpen. My dog
Doesn’t live half as well!
The big barn where pigs dwell
Is superb! They live high on the hog.”


Happy World Farm Animals Day! (October 2)