Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHIP at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: September 17, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CHIP at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RELAXATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RELAXATION-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: DEFECT, SMART, VOICE, SHAME, TASTE.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 18, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 17, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CHIP-rhyme limerick:

A fellow who thought he was hip
And who bragged he’d invented a chip,
Would attempt to act cool,
But look like a fool;
Telltale chip-crumbs bespeckled his lip.

Here’s my RELAXATION-themed limerick:

A man was attempting to chill,
But his debt worries made him feel ill.
And all of his tries
To relax were unwise
Cuz they further inflated his bill.

And here is my RANDOM WORDS GENERATOR limerick:

With podcasts I’m highly selective;
Something witty and smart’s my objective.
Plus I must clear my choice
With my ears. If the voice
Is high-pitched, it’s, alas, deemed “defective.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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174 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHIP at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: September 17, 2022)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:


    When I practice Yin Yoga, I pray.
    To myself, and then quietly say:
    “C’mon inner peace
    I still can’t release;
    Do you think that I’ve got the whole day?”

  2. Lisi Nortman says:


    Those “white noise machines” are a thrill.
    At night I could never stay still.
    I was always so stressed
    But now I can rest
    While I sleep to the sound of a drill.

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    “It’s a shame, ’bout your real “honky” voice.”
    “I agree, but I just had no choice.
    See, before I was born
    (Though he did use his horn)
    Mom was struck by a silver Rolls Royce.”

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    My car has a minor defect.
    I’m a genius, and thus I suspect
    It simply won’t start,
    (I know since I’m smart)
    Cuz today it got totally wrecked.

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was rubbing and scratching my hip
    So hard that I heard something slip.
    I looked down at the floor
    And began to explore.
    There it was! “A Bill Gates Microchip.”

  6. Dale S. Biggs says:

    A putt’s not a drive or a chip.
    It’s a nudge t’wards a cup or its lip.
    When it’s good, the ball drops,
    But it mostly just stops–
    And I can’t blame the grass or my grip!

  7. CHIP (British English for a french-fry)

    Aged sixteen I went on a trip.
    I traveled to France on a ship
    And learned a new word
    Which I thought was absurd,
    For the French say “pomme-frite”, meaning “chip”.

  8. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Jack Sprat and his missus would bawl,
    At each meal over grievances small.
    He: “This plate has a chip!”
    She: “Enough with the lip —
    You’re lucky I feed you at all!”

  9. Don Lee says:

    I’ve been through a tough couple of weeks
    Sleepless nights in misery with shrieks
    Warning signs missed I feel like a dunce
    Wedding anniversary in E.R more than once
    Finally, all’s well that ends well- COVID reeks


    From Mad Kane:

    Sorry to hear you’ve been so ill, but very glad to hear you’re feeling better!

  10. Don Lee says:

    On his shoulder was a chip
    With a sidearm on his hip
    He rode high in the saddle
    Silenced the town’s babble
    And no one gave him any lip

  11. Don Lee says:

    Take from me a little tip
    If on your shoulder there’s a chip
    There’s always going to be one
    Wondering if you’ll fight or run
    From the harassment of his lip

  12. Don Lee says:

    The computer chip, The Chocolate chip
    Don’t know the difference you’re not hip?
    Some for protection, some for cookies
    The older generation feels like rookies
    When asked how many bytes before a dip?

  13. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Janie dresses in very poor taste.
    Our fam’ly is shocked and disgraced.
    It’s truly a shame.
    This “fad” is to blame!
    Her blue jeans are under her waist.”

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of above limerick. I had the date wrong

    “1970’s Hip Huggers”

    Janie dresses in very poor taste.
    Our fam’ly is shocked and disgraced.
    It’s truly a shame
    This “fad” is to blame.
    Her blue jeans are under her waist.

  15. Rudy Landesman says:

    “Tell me, who had the much better voice?
    I know you have taste. Make your choice —
    Tebaldi or Callas?”
    “I’ll say without malice,
    Just Streisand can make me rejoice.”

  16. There once was a fellow named Chip
    well known for his terrible quips
    till the one day his mom
    heard her son mouthing on
    and now he has two buttoned lips!

  17. Terry Marter says:

    She was fiddling around ‘tween my thighs,
    So gently; I felt the heat rise.
    I thought she was hip,
    but she’d dropped a hot chip
    now she’s diggin’ meatballs with French fries.

  18. Terry Marter says:

    I messed a key stress-word while waxing
    A lim’rick I found rather taxing.
    The outcome (not best):
    It’s ME that is stressed,
    In a pastime that should be relaxing.

  19. Terry Marter says:

    “You must go on The Voice; do your thing.
    Just think of the joy you will bring”.
    He agrees; loves her ‘heart’,
    But he’s not very smart.
    Such a shame, – what he CAN’T do is Sing!

  20. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I don’t speak of a nap as a “kip,”
    And my suitcase is never my “grip,”
    But that stick served with cod —
    Deep-fried blessing from God —
    I have no problem calling a chip.

  21. Steve Frakt says:

    It’s a challenge to eat just one chip
    And have no other one pass your lip
    If you’re watching your weight
    With a near empty plate
    (But who’s counting the calories in the dip? )

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s midnight; I’m down to one chip.
    And I know she will give me the lip.
    But I’m a brave man,
    So here is my plan:
    “Man Overboard!” (I’m gonna’ skip.)

  23. Rudy Landesman says:

    Permit me to change line 5 (Aug. 21 10:56 pm)

    “Tell me, who had the much better voice?
    I know you have taste. Make your choice —
    Tebaldi or Callas?”
    “I’ll say without malice,
    Foster Jenkins does make me rejoice.”

  24. Rudy Landesman says:

    I’m off the old block a big chip?
    I object and I’ll give you this tip:
    I am merely a splinter.
    I may be a squinter,
    But my dad leers and gawks at a clip.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:


    Anxiety’s something I lack.
    It’s instinctive, (a God-given knack.)
    I sense all the keys
    To staying at ease.
    And this straight-jacket keeps me laid back.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction as to not use “man” twice

    “The Cruise”
    It’s midnight; I’m down to one chip.
    I know she will give me “the lip.”
    But I am no dope
    I fine’ly have hope.
    “Man Overboard!” I’m ‘gonna skip.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Although I have high aspirations,
    I’ve come upon grave limitations.
    For the rhyming word, “chip”
    My sole thought is “pip”
    I don’t have real great expectations.

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    The great math’matician Sir Drip
    Is visiting me via ship.
    To help me lose weight
    (He’ll be sitting in “freight.”)
    To explain one sixteenth of a chip.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    I live in a real pricy flat.
    I relax all day long, (love to chat.)
    Don’t have any job,
    Like the av-er-age slob.
    Cause I am a spoiled trust fund brat.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    It is now 2:25 AM Central Time, and I’m wide awake.

    Now who can relax all the time?
    Not me! and it sure is a crime.
    I toss and I turn.
    Gee, when will I learn
    To stop thinking about a good rhyme?

  31. Doug Harris says:

    Planned Obsolescence?

    The digital gremlins let rip
    And chewed up my laptop’s old chip.
    As it draws its last breath
    With the blue screen of death,
    How’s it playing an Amazon clip??

  32. Doug Harris says:

    Relaxation (if you know what I mean) …

    Since collecting my miserable pension,
    There’s something my wife needs to mention.
    Retirement’s less stress
    But oh how could I guess
    The angst of less pressure and tension?

  33. Doug Harris says:

    Her voice makes me smart, what a shame;
    An assault on my ears I proclaim!
    She’s so NOT to my taste
    With this defect un-chaste.
    That loudmouth’s extinguished the flame.

  34. Terry Marter says:

    He gambled his house, and his ship.
    Told the croupier gal “Let her RIP”
    She spun; the ball popped,
    His heart (and wheel) stopped.
    The loss killed him, – he’s ’cashed his last chip’.

  35. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A confession’s forthcoming (for shame):
    I stole five Random Words, two I’ll name.
    If a Wordle detective,
    Finds one is defective,
    My defense is, it’s all in the game.

  36. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When I narrate a lim’rick, my choice,
    Is quite often a “first person” voice.
    If I could, I would own a
    Much smarter persona.
    This one’s dumb, but I’ve some that are woise.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    The End Of Act One And Culmination, Midpoint Of “Rosemary’s Baby”

    The “chalky” taste Rosie detected
    Was yucky and quite unexpected
    She didn’t eat much.
    Couldn’t get help from “Hutch”
    Thank goodness that Roman defected.

  38. Terry Marter says:

    The William Creek pub draws me nigh.
    I’ll relax; see Lake Eyre from the sky.
    Then, my favourite deal, –
    Their seven-course meal:
    It consists of six beers and a pie.

  39. Dane Paulsen says:

    A good put made in golf – very hip.
    When driving you can let it rip.
    If you’re playing for dough,
    Here’s what you should know.
    Nothing lowers your score like a chip.

  40. Terry Marter says:

    It’s in her Rider!

    Before she performs her cantata,
    Or repertoire etceterata,
    Make a quick deli’ trip,
    For the diva’s fave’ Chip’
    An Italian-style Chipolata.

  41. Wildman says:

    As a ‘tot’ he was once heard to quip
    “May my son someday grow up to dip
    Into cool ranch or brie
    And not ketchup like me.”
    True to form – off the old block, a chip…

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Grab your chaise lounge; relax in the sun.
    Settle down till the whole day is done.
    Leave your troubles behind.
    But if you should find
    A fruit fly, then call 911.

  43. Tim James says:

    Willie Wonka was smart as a whip;
    On computers he had a firm grip.
    As his business had grown
    He built one of his own.
    It contained the world’s first choc’late chip.

  44. Terry Marter says:

    I’ve found an antique at the tip,
    A rare table in need of a strip.
    “Chippendale” says the sign;
    For my TV, it’s fine, –
    And hot videos, (NOT “Dale n Chip”).

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    To relax, Dr. H. Shrinker said,
    “Find the coziest spot in your bed.
    Lie very still, dear
    And advice you will hear
    From the voices inside of your head.”

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    Although he was not very swank,
    We should pray ev’ry night, just to thank
    Mr. “Many a Voice”
    Who made us rejoice.
    So smart! (But his name draws a Blanc.)

  47. Bob Turvey says:

    In a world long ago lived one Plato;
    No Italy, TV or potato.
    So no Fries or chips
    Passed over his lips.
    Nor pizza, while watching the Late Show.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Modified Limerick

    “Instructions For Relaxing”

    Got my chaise lounge, relaxed in the sun.
    Mellowed out till the whole day was done.
    Went home, saw a fly.
    I thought I would die,
    And instantly called 911.

  49. Dane Paulsen says:

    I’m quite fond of my own relaxation.
    It beckons me like a flirtation.
    What I find really bad.
    In fact, it’s quite sad.
    Is it stimulates procrastination.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Had a sex-change and what a smart choice!
    I was Johnny and now I am Joyce.
    I’ve no more facial hair.
    Then got breasts, (what a pair!)
    And the finishing touch: a “Re-Voice”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    R.I.P. Bugs Bunny

    He was smart, although not very “swank.”
    I hope that we “Boomers” did thank
    Mr. “Cartoony Voice”
    Who made us rejoice.
    What’s his name? Gee, I’m drawing a Blanc.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Married Susan, (my very first choice.)
    She’s smart and she makes me rejoice.
    Now I know about strife.
    And the rest of my life
    She will mention “the tone of my voice.”

  53. Jean McEwen says:

    Methinks Dick should button his lip;
    He’s committed a Freudian slip.
    (When he asked if his date
    Might share one off her plate
    He said “strip” when he meant to say “chip.”)

  54. Jean McEwen says:

    These alternative “types” are sheer quacks.
    Their “advice,” said to help folks “relax,”
    (Like that “mindfulness” crap)
    Makes me just want to slap
    Them or lash out in rage with an axe.

  55. Jean McEwen says:

    Tricky Trish appears to be all pure and chaste
    When in truth, she’s developed a taste
    For hay rolls with wild game.
    Yet not one ounce of shame
    Seems to show, or to leave her red-faced.

  56. Bob Turvey says:

    I like books which just burst with elan,
    And I read them whenever I can.
    In “Goodbye, Mr Chips”
    There are several great quips
    And the tale of a really kind man.

  57. Dane Paulsen says:

    Many cookies in stores are a trip,
    And most I would just as soon skip.
    Homemade are the best.
    There’s nary a contest.
    But the best, of the best – chocolate chip.

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Voluptuous Memories

    The rhyme word this cycle is “chip.”
    I love it; it’s really a pip.
    It reminds me of poker
    When I had the joker
    And Pearl had no choice but to strip.

  59. Terry Marter says:

    Wannabe winemaker Richard Cranium Achieves ultimate relaxation.

    Dick said he produced his own wine.
    Dick bragged that it’s stronger than mine.
    Dick: short time apprentice.
    Dick: non compos mentis:
    Dick made bad Moonshine. Dick: flat-line!

  60. Rudy Landesman says:

    It’s a shame that you choose to decline
    This elegant wine from the Rhine.
    You say it’s a waste
    And has simply no taste?
    I’d say that’s your old vintage whine.

    O.M.G. A pun!!

  61. Lisi Nortman says:


    I tried jogging, but didn’t get far.
    I’d rather have taken my car!
    Long ago, I had zest,
    But that day I was stressed.
    Now my fav’rite pursuit’s R&R.

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    I Can’t Relax!

    It’s been such a nerve-racking night!
    Thanksgiving was sure no delight!
    And look at this mess!
    I can’t take the stress!
    These apron strings feel much too tight!

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    My defect’s a sing-songy voice.
    But what can I do? I’ve no choice!
    See, I’m in the church choir.
    And I’ve spent my entire
    Damn lifetime rehearsing “Rejoice.”

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    I admitted to taking the trip.
    Someone saw me and then let it slip.
    So now “hubby” knows.
    And that’s how it goes.
    It will fall where it may, (that damn chip.)

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    Susie gave me a wonderful tip:
    “You’re too fat, girl, now please get a grip.
    Though this may sound absurd,
    You must eat like a bird.”
    Then she left, and I pecked at a chip.

  66. Linda Fuller says:

    On his shoulder he carries a chip
    And he carries a gun on his hip
    Don’t mess with this dude
    ‘Cause he’s got a real ‘tude
    And his sanity’s starting to slip

  67. Linda Fuller says:

    Such a shame that he has a nice voice
    Intonations that leave you no choice
    But to follow his lead
    Into every misdeed
    Such a man makes the devil rejoice

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    That cockroach was not finger lickin’.
    I ate it, and then I was stricken
    With a shameful disease.
    The waiter’s a sleaze.
    He told me it “tastes just like chicken.”

  69. Linda Fuller says:

    Gustavo elected to baste
    With gravy as sticky as paste
    The turkey; his salad
    Was equally pallid
    A shame he’s a chef with no taste

  70. Mike Young says:


    If I try to eat fish with one hip
    There will be widespread scorn let rip.
    The residents know
    That it shouldn’t be so
    ‘Cos I paid without leaving a tip.

  71. Mike Young says:


    Our town has a railway station.
    A place where you’ll find relaxation.
    No trains there for years
    But no-one sheds tears.
    It sells the best pies in the nation.

  72. Mike Young says:


    In this town there’s a smart voice to hear
    Which I always find kind to my ear.
    In shame, with great haste
    I admit to the taste.
    It’s a defect that takes me too near.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    Congratulations, Sjaan for being the Anthology Winner!

    Darn it Mad I couldn’t get this limerick right. Now it’s right, (Ihope)

    He was smart, although not very “swank.”
    We “Boomers” are grateful and thank
    Mr. “Cartoony” Voice
    Who made us rejoice.
    What’s his name? Gee I’m drawing a Blanc.

  74. Daisy ward says:

    The nerd had invented a chip
    His co-workers called him a dip
    But his chip took off
    Which gave them a cough
    Now they’re staying clued to his hip

  75. Daisy ward says:

    The drunker tried to relax
    But his stomach hunger for snacks
    He filled his mouth up
    And got the hiccups
    Then ended up in the undertaker’s sack

  76. Daisy ward says:

    The chef’s food had a horrible taste
    The customers though it was spike with lace
    It was toss on the floor
    As they walked out the door
    The chef was left with a shame face

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Maggie May”

    Rod Stewart has one awesome voice.
    It’s unique, (he’s my number one choice)
    He’s smart and so cool.
    And Boy! You would drool
    If you saw his prestigious Rolls Royce.

  78. Terry Marter says:

    The young milkmaid appealed to his taste.
    He voiced “Darlin’, yer garter’s unlaced”.
    “It’s defective, you see“.
    “Let me fix it for thee”.
    She’s straight-laced now, – but no longer chaste.

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m hearing those voices, “Doc” Shock.
    They’re following me ’round the block.
    It tears me apart
    When they say, “You’re not smart,
    Where’d you get the idea you’ve a “doc?”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Clear Your Head. Relax And Drift Off To Sleep.

    A voice in my head tells me “Sleep.”
    Another voice claims, “I must sweep.”
    The third ain’t no charm:
    “Did you set your alarm?”
    Gotta’ find a much better technique.

  81. Tim James says:

    In the sciences, letters, and arts
    She’s a genius, with scores off the charts.
    I give voice to this cry:
    “She’s much brighter than I!”
    I’m ashamed to admit that it smarts.

  82. Gail White says:

    I always love the Random Word Generators. Here’s one:

    I dance and I drink without shame.
    For my actions I’m taking no blame.
    For at seventy-five
    I’m still smart and alive
    And a highly sarcastic old dame.

  83. Terry Marter says:

    (Triple duty)

    He relaxed; on the loo; in a ‘cloud’.
    Voicing his punch-lines out loud.
    The mic’ switch (on his hip)
    Had a defective chip
    And Live-streamed his gags to the crowd.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    This lim’rik pertains to a rip:
    The kind you should do with a grip.
    I thought air was free.
    And came with no fee
    Till I opened a bag for a chip.

  85. Mike says:

    CHIP correction

    If I try to eat fish with one chip.

  86. Terry Marter says:

    Slung my hammock across; tree to tree.
    Unwound with good wine, and some Brie.
    Gentle breeze in my hair;
    Relaxation: right there!
    Damn! I need to dash off for a pee.

  87. Tim James says:

    He tried to relax, but he failed;
    So a bowl of the best he inhaled.
    He had hoped he would find
    That it helped him unwind.
    Now his train of thought’s fully derailed.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Intoxicating Wine

    “The Holidays”, (state my wife Joyce)
    Are the times we devoutly give voice
    To our Savior, who’s graced
    Us with love we can taste
    And to go to the mall of our choice.”

  89. Terry Marter says:

    Mad: this replaces previous version at Aug 29. 7.43pm.
    (Triple duty)

    He relaxed; on the loo; in a ‘cloud’.
    Voicing his punch-lines out loud.
    The mic’-pack (on his hip)
    Had a defective chip
    Which live-streamed his gags to the crowd.

  90. Terry Marter says:

    My boyfriend would plead and beseech:
    We relax, at a (public) nude beach.
    He found a nice spot
    And just lazed, while I got
    Lots of sand where the sun doesn’t reach.

  91. Tim James says:

    There once was a bellhop named Chip
    Who was helping a guest with her grip.
    And I don’t mean her bag,
    But her grasp. Then their shag
    Meant that SHE was receiving the tip.

    From her job she’d been recently axed;
    Her anxiety level was maxed.
    So she went on a trip,
    Where she met handsome Chip.
    The result: she’s extremely relaxed.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    My darlin’ I’ve bought a sex whip.
    When I use it, you’re sure gonna’ flip!”
    “Oh Johnny! That rocks!
    But you must wash your socks.
    And that is my bargaining chip.”

  93. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Each time a new shrink wants to chip,
    Away at my ego and strip,
    It down to the nub,
    I tell the dumb schlub,
    “I’ll call when I’m back from my trip.”

  94. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Shameless Spud, buying Tuber a drink,
    Asked her thoughts about growing up pink.
    Although not very smart,
    She tried quoting Descartes:
    “I’m a yam, therefore I do not think.”

    Hi, Lisi. Thanks for the congrats! And thanks for all the laughs
    I get each week from reading your limericks. Your rhymes really
    rock! (too much alliteration?)

  95. Dane Paulsen says:

    Change to 8/26/22 12:33 pm entry.

    Many cookies in stores are a trip,
    And most I would just as soon skip.
    Homemade are the best.
    There is no contest.
    But the best, of the best – chocolate chip.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    1967 “Some Things Just Don’t Work Out”

    Joined the Peace Corps, and what a cool trip
    To Asia, I sure loved the ship.
    But went back to Long Island
    For a fancy hair style and
    A manicure, known as “no-chip.”

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    La Bris

    It was time for my Ari’s snip snip.
    He tasted red wine on his lip.
    Ari really could speak.
    And requested a “memory chip.”

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    Something tells me that Peace Corps Volunteers weren’t transported on a “Luxury Cruise” (LOL) I changed the limerick.

    Joined the Peace Corps, not such a great trip
    To Asia, where tribes weren’t hip.
    So went back to Long Island
    For a fancy hair style and
    A manicure, known as “No-Chip.”

  99. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When my hearing aid fell in the dip,
    I munched as I would on a chip.
    Then with nary a frown,
    I swallowed it down.
    Now on photos I’m always “the blip.”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    I tried to relax, (what a shock)
    In a sauna, suggested by “Doc.”
    I’ll never forget
    The “Day of the Sweat.”
    Hot boxes with rocks sure don’t rock.

  101. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, please delete previous version at Aug 31, 10.40am. Thanks.

    Sat with Fred for a bite and a sip;
    Saw the News Flash (no trivial quip):
    “There’s no saving the joint, –
    We’ll all die!” said Fred, “…..wanna chip?”

  102. Rudy Landesman says:

    A variation of my “chip” limerick of Aug. 22 3:59 pm

    I’m off the old block a big chip?
    Nay, not even a splinter or strip!
    How can I explain?
    I’m a sparkling champagne .
    My dad at his best is a drip.

    A pun, a very palpable pun.

  103. Rudy Landesman says:

    Nureyev was smart. He defected.
    At the Kirov he had been neglected,
    Because he’d decline
    To toe Soviet’s line.
    His toe work they’d always suspected.

  104. Rudy Landesman says:

    Distressed and depressed and up tight?
    Unable to function at night?
    I can’t be distincter —
    Relax that tight sphincter
    And surely you’ll soon get it right..

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    “I prefer, when I’m taking my ease,
    That I not be disturbed, if you please.
    What I do when alone
    In my ‘man-only’ zone
    Is protected by laws and decrees.”

  106. Mike Moulton says:

    Watching toons my daughter let slip,
    That she could tell Dale from Chip,
    “Chip’s nose is tiny,
    Black and quite shiny
    And Dale’s is red, in each clip.”

  107. Rudy Landesman says:

    My belated congratulations to you, Sjaan. I’m sure you will enjoy your book. I recall that I, too, read a book once.

  108. Dane Paulsen says:

    A pirate whose name was Blackbart.
    Tried relaxing to cure a bad heart.
    He soon fell asleep,
    Counting black sheep,
    And his ship, on a rock, fell apart.

  109. Terry Marter says:

    Hoping the rhyming slang ref in L5 is as well
    known in the US as in GB and elsewhere.
    Though very easy to figure out.

    Summer drive: Peshawar to the Tiber.
    She was keen to go (no need to bribe ’er).
    But He died in the sun
    When She played with his gun,
    And then fired just one shot: up the Khyber!


    From Mad:

    It’s the first I’ve heard of that expression, but as you say, it’s easy to figure out.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Keto Hostess With The Mostess

    “Would anyone like a Kale Chip?
    They’re delish with my Keto-Style Dip!”
    All the company heaves
    From the smoldering leaves.
    (As my brother would say, “What A Gyp!”)

  111. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Would anyone like a Kale Chip?
    They’re delish with my Keto-Style Dip”
    Ev’ry single guest heaves
    From the smoldering leaves.
    And in unison, cry, “What A Gyp!”

  112. Roger Haugen says:

    He swallowed a silicon chip
    That migrated straight to his hip;
    He’s now a cool chipster,
    A solid-state hipster,
    With 5G and great broad-band zip.

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Relaxation: Man’s Best Friend

    After work, I can’t wait to see Judd.
    He’s my Pit Bull and very best “Bud”
    Judd is sweet and he’s kind.
    And he helps me unwind.
    After snugg’ling, I wash off the blood.

  114. Dane Paulsen says:

    I was told there would be pie and lattes.
    It’s outside but with plenty of potties.
    I thought a short stroll.
    To relax was my goal.
    When I got there it was just Pilates.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    Relax, go play golf, Hubby dear.
    It’s the very best way you can clear
    Your mind; don’t forget
    To take your whole set,
    And put on your ludicrous gear.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love smoking. I buy 20 packs
    a day; you should see my neat stacks.
    And now underground,
    I still have them around.
    It’s a wonderful way to relax.

  117. Wildman says:

    Office rules were not rigid, but lax
    And to keep it real loose we wore slacks…
    We all work to Plan A
    Same old thing, different day
    Per the Plan of the Day, just re-lax…

  118. Rudy Landesman says:

    On a cruise to the Sea of Sargasso
    We relaxed reading poems by Tasso.
    Just Pablo and I
    We saw eye to eye.
    It was I who inspired Picasso.

  119. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve a friend — a true skeptic — named Louie,
    Who, when folks voice their views hollers, “Phooey!
    There is something askew —
    I can smell it, I do!”
    Which is why he won’t taste ratatouille.

    Hi, Rudy. Thanks for the congrats. I’m dying to know which book you
    read. Maybe “A Punderful Life: a fun collection of….” well, you-know-what.

  120. Terry Marter says:

    Flew to Tully (quick holiday spree)
    Forgot ‘twas Wet-season (dumb me).
    But it poured and looked bleak
    Only twice (in our week)
    Once for four days, then once more for three.

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Detailed Plot Of “The Exorcist” In Only 5 Lines! (Randoms)

    A guttural voice had Ms. Blair.
    Did you notice her real messy hair?
    It’s a shame that she wasted
    The pea soup she tasted.
    But the devil explained “wash and wear.”

  122. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’m perusing a book by Camus.
    Some have said it’s a smart thing to dus.
    It’s all writ in Francais.
    I’ve been reading all dais.
    It’s a shame I can’t get to page tus.

    See also (and much better!) “Creative Misspellings” in Michael
    Thanks, Mad. (I’ll try not to ignore Spell Check TOO often).

    From Mad Kane:

    I’m glad you found Michael Croland’s book inspiring … I think. LOL!

  123. Terry Marter says:

    ‘Bought my headstone and plot for ‘post-fate’
    (That final relaxation date).
    Don’t ask me “Where is it?”
    I won’t need your visit,
    “Not You again!”’s engraved on the plate.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fake News! “The War Of The Worlds” Orson Wells, 10/30/38

    The voice heard throughout the U.S.
    Caused lis’ners alarming distress.
    They all were persuaded
    That Martians invaded.
    The smart ones took “Venus Express”

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I hear scary voices, dear John”
    “Oh, go back to sleep! Will ‘ya Dawn!
    I can’t stand your delusions
    ‘Bout fictitous intrusions.”
    (The next morning, their smart phones were gone)

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Always Marry For Money”

    “This tart gives me short-winded breath.
    It tastes like you’ve spiked it with meth.”
    “Gee, my ex “hubbies” loved it
    And shamefully shoved it
    In their mouths, and were tickled to death.”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    “It’s a shame you’re not eating today.
    Have a miniscule taste, then go play”
    “Mom, I can’t stand those curds.
    Give them all to the birds.
    And I break out in pimples to whey.”

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    Line 5: “to” is the wrong word (upper limerick)

    “It’s a shame you’re not eating today.
    Have a miniscule taste, then go play.”
    “Mom, I can’t stand those curds.
    Give them all to the birds.
    And I break out in pimples from whey.”

  129. Wildman says:

    Ode to Lisi

    Limericksheimers, a defective choice
    When we can’t recall that inner voice:
    “Writing lim’ricks is tough
    50 should be enough…”
    When this lim’rick-off’s done we’ll rejoice!

    From Mad Kane:

    For the record, limericks that insult other Limerick-Offers are automatically disqualified from winning any award.

  130. Terry Marter says:

    Bad start to the day: cuts his chin
    And lip shaving, (so painful to grin).
    Then slips on a chip
    While crossing the strip
    And takes lots of skin off his shin.

    So he hobbles his way across town
    With a less painful (comf’table?) frown,
    And looks up from the well
    Into which he just fell
    At his briefcase, – still on its way down!

  131. Terry Marter says:

    Relax (How will you dress?).

    A casual suit’s ok to wear
    To a backyard occasion (seems fair).
    And a formal suit’s fine
    When, with posh friends, you dine.
    But your Birthday suit? Always that stare!

    From Mad Kane:

    LOL! And thanks so much for the birthday limerick!

  132. Rudy Landesman says:

    You’re gorgeous and rich for a start.
    You like music and own some great art.
    But please do not frown,
    If I turn you down.
    It’s sad, but you’re simply not smart.

  133. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Since my dog is so smart, it’s no wonder,
    She barks, “Roof!” ev’ry time she hears thunder.
    I share her perspective.
    When weather’s defective,
    It’s not something we ought to be under.

  134. Rudy Landesman says:

    This lim’rick may not be adored,
    But still, it might get a reward.
    Though in brilliance it lacks,
    It did help me relax;
    And I’ll get the “Rachmones Award”.

  135. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oops, I left out the second “random word” in my Sept. 10th, 11:17 pm limerick.
    Please ignore that one.

    You’re gorgeous and rich for a start.
    You like music and own some great art.
    But please do not frown,
    If I turn you down.
    It’s a shame, but you’re simply not smart.

  136. Wildman says:

    Some misjudge compliment’ry intent
    It’s a shame when it’s missed what was meant
    Somewhat ‘smart’ yet absurd
    How one ‘takes’ written word
    Some reactions unjustly hellbent…

    From Mad Kane:

    Oh really? Lisi and I know exactly what you meant!
    You, my dear sir, are FULL OF IT!

  137. Dave Johnson says:

    Relaxing is hard nowadays;
    There’s bad news in so many ways.
    One answer, I guess,
    For relief from the stress:
    Go down where a jackrabbit stays.

  138. Terry Marter says:

    Said Doc Yoda “Relaxed, you must keep,
    If benefits of rest you would reap”.
    His eyes; wise and kind,
    Are sedating my mind
    As in feel myself drift off to slee… . . .

  139. Terry Marter says:

    Oops! Typo: L5 As I feel

  140. Terry Marter says:

    Said Doc Yoda “Relaxed, you must keep,
    If benefits of rest you would reap”.
    His eyes; wise and kind,
    Are sedating my mind
    As I feel myself drift off to slee… . . .

  141. Dave Johnson says:

    Reposing out there in the sun,
    Nude beaches put cares on the run.
    A naturist tip:
    Choose to lie on one hip;
    You might end up toasting a bun.

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A Streetcar Named New Joisey”

    How dare you imply that my voice
    Reveals I don’t own a Rolls Royce!
    I have such a smart mind.
    Can’t you tell I’m refined?
    In the theater, I’ve played Blanche DuBoyce.

  143. Dave Johnson says:

    That dancer was born with a chip;
    It shows when she’s starting to strip.
    Her manager scoffs
    At concern when she doffs;
    Proclaiming “I just let ‘er rip.”

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    No Yackin’

    My Mail-Order Bride is defective.
    Yet, perfect, as per my perspective.
    She arrived with no voice,
    Which made me rejoice.
    Since that was my very objective.

  145. Terry Marter says:

    Had the longest day; phones rang and rang.
    Haven’t eaten, now hunger pains pang;
    As do memos, to go
    Meet my wife at (dud) show.
    I’ve just drunk their bar. Ying & Yang.

  146. Rudy Landesman says:

    I say caviar is not to my taste.
    To buy it’s a shame and a waste.
    How do I fill my belly?
    Peanut butter and jelly!
    And no fish species need be erased.

  147. Terry Marter says:

    Chilling naked in freshly cut hay,
    When the baler encroached on our day.
    It strung us up tight;
    Spat us out, – what a sight.
    All the scarecrows have just run away.

  148. Dave Johnson says:

    That platter held nary a chip;
    The same could be said for the dip.
    Our guests had all gone,
    But one moment lived on:
    When everyone winced at my quip.

    Not meaning to shock when I said
    “We’re having a hard time in bed.”
    Our mattress – it sags;
    Now on Facebook their gags
    Have phrases like “came to a head…”

  149. John Davison says:

    I’ll apologise here at the start
    For this verse won’t appeal to your heart.
    So banal, it’s a shame
    But I’ll shoulder the blame
    ‘Cos it’s not rude, nor funny, nor smart!

  150. Unsal Ozunlu says:


    There was a rich man ready to equip,
    Himself and his wife with many a chip.
    Sexually sprawled,
    He had them installed,
    But he felt he could barely move his hip.

  151. Unsal Ozunlu says:


    There was a rich man ready to equip,
    Himself and his wife with many a chip.
    Sexually sprawled,
    He had them installed,
    But he felt he could barely move his hip.

  152. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m losing my voice John, and fearing
    A vocal cord sprain will be nearing.
    What a shame I can’t sing
    “It Happens Each Spring.”
    And when will you stop all that cheering?

    “It Happens Each Spring” (Schunthorpe District Teachers Centre)

  153. Terry Marter says:

    Relaxation! No need to think twice,
    About writing a lim’rick that’s “Nice!”.
    Now I feel like a dunce;
    Cuz I only thought once
    And got nothin’, so this must suffice.

  154. Terry Marter says:

    Variations on themes about “Chip”
    Have exhausted my penchant to quip.
    From Computers; Golf shot;
    Spuds; Donations, – the lot,
    There’s nothing left, – zilch, nada, zip.

  155. Rudy Landesman says:

    My number four molar did chip;
    When I tried with my teeth to unzip
    Her tight fitting slacks,
    And she gave me some whacks.
    I’m now sporting a stiff upper lip.

  156. Terry Marter says:

    Sjaan VandenBroeder
    I’ve just noticed the link at the very top here, about you being awarded the book. Congratulations to you Sjaan! very well deserved. I enjoy reading others’ limericks here, but yours especially. I’ve now added the book to my Christmas list (for me of course!). Again well done, and thanks for the laughs.

  157. Terry Marter says:

    Congrats, your a hundred and one.
    Relax, and enjoy the warm sun.
    I saw you on telly
    Celebrating with jelly
    Did I mention your fly was undone?

  158. Terry Marter says:

    The World’s first Bad Back Club’s in our town
    For folk who can’t stand, or sit down.
    They relax there, and float
    In a beautiful moat,
    Where most find relief, – but some drown.

  159. Lisi Nortman says:


    My new net hammock came in the mail.
    (A present from “sweetie pie” Gail.)
    I jumped it; felt a snatch
    Then I heard, “What a catch!
    Hey Mommy! I just caught a whale.”

  160. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! Line 3 says “it” which is wrong. It’s supposed to be “in”

    My new net hammock came in the mail.
    (A present from “sweetie pie” Gail.)
    I jumped in; felt a snatch.
    Then I heard, “What a catch!
    Hey, Mommy! I just caught a whale!”

    (Relaxation Theme)

  161. Bob Turvey says:

    A clever young fellow, Tom Pax,
    Invented a plug made of flax,
    So ladies who’re bleeding
    And such things are needing
    Can simply insert and relax.

  162. Bob Turvey says:

    A clever young fellow, Tim Pax,
    Invented a dildo of wax,
    So spinsters of breeding,
    Who pleasure are needing,
    Can insert, explode, and relax.

  163. madkane says:

    Attention All Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  164. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    One day, lost in the forest, mad Max,
    Banged away at the trees to relax.
    Did that quiet his id?
    No, it seems all it did,
    Was to make the guy scream for an axe.

    Hi, Terry. Thanks for the shout out. In Croland’s anthol., he quotes
    Langford Reed’s def. of a a limerick as “a short story in miniature,”
    which reminds me of your own approach to this genre. I enjoy your tales!

  165. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Hello, I’m your “garbage exec.”
    This job is sure killin’ my neck.
    Think I’ll rest for a spell
    Until I feel well.
    Put my feet up and smell all the dreck.”

  166. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Limerick That Is Actually True: Relaxation

    Writing lim’riks is how I de-stress.
    Who cares if my house is a mess?
    I don’t cook; I don’t clean.
    Ain’t got no routine.
    Except for the keys that I press.

  167. Lisi Nortman says:

    Redecorating For Relaxation

    Writing lim’riks is all that I do.
    I chill out and unwind through and through.
    But I don’t want to burst,
    Cuz that sure is the worst.
    So my laptop is now in the loo.

  168. Terry Marter says:

    Sitting pretty; so sweet and so smart.
    Upper crust; with appeal to his heart.
    But he found (in his haste)
    That lack of good taste
    That you get with a cheap, store-bought tart.

  169. Terry Marter says:

    The Prince; back from war, is soon told,
    Of Rapunzel’s long tresses of gold,
    In his dreams he caresses
    Those tresses; de-stresses.
    Buys her dresses of silk; bright and bold.

    Then he tracks down Rapunzel in town
    With a old GPS (and a frown).
    After taking an hour
    To locate her tower,
    Finds her hair is a total let-down.

  170. Steve Benko says:

    For double duty:

    “On your shoulder, you have such a chip;
    C’mon Donald, you’re being a drip!
    Relax, have a gummy;
    Get naked, you dummy!
    My parties,” said Stormy, “are hip.”

  171. Steve Benko says:

    “I’ll bet you can’t eat just one chip;
    To the bag you’ll make many a trip,”
    Said Bert Lahr. “Yes, with Lay’s,
    Say goodbye to the days
    When your dresses and pants you could zip.”

  172. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An old centipede tried to compete,
    In a race at a Limerick meet.
    He got off (being smart)
    To a very good start.
    It’s a shame he tripped over his feet.

  173. Steve Benko says:

    Nicaragua was home to a contra
    Who’d find peace by reciting a mantra.
    And then came the fun,
    For he’d mounted a gun
    On the top of his Hyundai Elantra.

  174. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 500. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Mind.