Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STEAK or STAKE or MISTAKE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Aug. 20, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STEAK or STAKE or MISTAKE at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BARS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BARS-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: SHOP, RUN, NEWS, WARNING, FIRST.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 21, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 20, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my STEAK or STAKE or MISTAKE-rhyme limerick:

A man who was rather a flake
Would beef about folks eating steak:
“When you chew, cows can feel it,”
He’d hiss. “As for veal, it
Is worse, so I cotton to snake.”

And here’s my BARS-themed limerick:

A pub owner often stole cars,
Pricey paintings, and sometimes guitars.
He neglected his tavern,
Which looked like a cavern.
Fin’lly caught, he is now behind bars.

And here is my RANDOM WORDS GENERATOR Limerick:

“Don’t go running with knives,” parents warn.
Their children’s response? Often scorn:
“How ’bout scissors?” they query,
Which makes one mom weary:
“Should have stopped with my very first born.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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177 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STEAK or STAKE or MISTAKE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Aug. 20, 2022)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    “We are no longer called, “Pub McGee”
    Sorry patrons, the news is that we
    Have lost our permit.
    All the bartenders quit.
    Now our new name is “BYOB”

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    A rancher named Devious Drake
    Is well-known as a cheat and a fake.
    His cows are forlorn,
    Cuz they’re dressed up as corn.
    And he’s selling, “Delish Vegan Steak”

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    This Haiku-Off’s a real piece of cake.
    It’s so easy I have to partake.
    “Soft rain, winsome day.
    The unfolding of May”
    I think that I made a mistake.

  4. Tim James says:

    An inciter-to-riot named Josh
    Bravely took to his heels with panache.
    When news of the coup
    Was first breaking, he knew
    It was time to start running, by gosh!

  5. Trevor Alexander says:

    I told her I fancied a steak
    But she must have made a mistake
    Or perhaps she misheard
    ‘Cause she gave me bean curd
    Unless it was just a piss-take

  6. Bob Turvey says:

    Said an old plastic surgeon, “I’m skilled,
    And it’s in bars my dreams are fulfilled.
    Barmaids who are buxom
    Why, I liposucks ’em;
    And then those who are small I rebuild.”

  7. Bob Turvey says:

    As my new date and I dined on steak,
    I asked her if her name was a fake.
    She said, “No; it’s true.
    Folk call me Boo-Boo;
    Because my real name is Miss Take.”

  8. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    With his job as “Enforcer” at stake,
    Bruiser had hard decisions to make:
    “Should I tail ’em and whale ’em,
    Then thump ’em and dump ’em,
    Or maybe just give ’em a break?”

  9. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When that list of “Top Towns” is reversed,
    by the News, then my burg isn’t cursed.
    For “Worst Places to Dwell,”
    Or “Best Simulates Hell” —
    There we are! And, oh look, we made first!

  10. Dane Paulsen says:

    When space travel doesn’t bring fear,
    And moon restaurants seem very near.
    View of earth is not fake,
    And they serve a great steak,
    But I fear that they won’t have an atmosphere.

  11. Dane Paulsen says:

    Ignorance, apathy it is fair.
    Are as different as earth and the air.
    But to ask for my take.
    Would be a mistake,
    Because I don’t know and don’t care.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I’m your hostess, so please be aware
    In First Class, you will get special care.
    I have warned those in coach
    In each snack there’s a roach.
    And they all have to pee at O’Hare.”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love Ms. Delmonico Steak.
    Those fatties have one sexy shake.
    But the best thing ’bout Delly
    Is the tilt of her belly,
    When she’s sandwiched between me and Jake.

  14. Mike Moulton says:

    When Pericles, once a young rake
    Solved a riddle his life was at stake.
    It regarded a king,
    Whose incestuous fling
    Was more than the poor prince could take.

  15. Mike Moulton says:

    A vampire once known as Jake
    Went to a young butcher’s wake,
    And saying, “What the heck,”
    He bit someone’s neck,
    While everyone else dined on steak.

  16. A man made an awful mistake
    and orded a well, well done steak.
    Ol’ head chef is in fumes
    ’bout to sign all our dooms
    and stab well-done man with a stake.

  17. Mike Moulton says:

    A vampire once known as Jake
    Went to a fabulous wake,
    And saying, “What the heck,”
    He went for the neck,
    While his victim was dining on steak.

    (Slightly better version, i think)

  18. Dane Paulsen says:

    Walking the plank an indicator.
    A pirate will meet his creator.
    It would be his mistake,
    A shower to take.
    He’ll washup on shore a bit later.

  19. Dane Paulsen says:

    The termite’s aim was quite clear.
    Walks into a bar, not for beer.
    He begins his task,
    When he then asks.
    “So, is the bar tender here”?

  20. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Stu sat idling, drunk in his car;
    He’d decided he wouldn’t drive far.
    But he still had a thirst,
    So he put it in first,
    And ran into his neighborhood bar.

  21. Terry Marter says:

    Mad: Would you please delete my limerick at July 23. 8.16pm, and replace with this one which includes a clarification of the rhyme pronunciation. Thanks.

    This limerick is written in British English. The Rs in the words Cars and Bars are therefore not pronounced, so would effectively be as Cahs and Bahs.

    It was fun in the back seat of cars
    Around midnight; the fumbling with bras,
    And, – Oh goodness!… – Good grief!
    I’ve just re-read the brief:
    I’m supposed to be writing ’bout Bars.

  22. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    If a transgender steer feels a fake,
    As a male, and evinces an ache,
    To become a real cow
    (not some carnivore’s chow),
    Is it PC to call her Miss Steak?

    p.s. Hi, Dale. I greet you in the spirit of punship. I had a good laugh over
    your termite’s line, “Is the bar tender here?”

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s the bad news: you’re under a curse.
    Run fast, or end up in a Hearse.
    I could tell you the rest,
    But you’ll get real depressed.
    (Inciden’ly the good new is worse.)

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Senior Life” Wow! we’ve come far.
    Our Strip Shows are wild and bizarre.
    We have sex ev’ry night.
    Till the dawn’s early light.
    In our showers we all have a bar.

  25. Tim James says:

    An impulsive young fellow named Lars
    Had a yen for fast women and cars.
    He’d no money, the schlub,
    So he held up a pub.
    Now he’ll spend three to five behind bars.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Have you heard about “Off-The-Wall Jake?”
    The rumor is, “Jake is a Flake”
    Cause he goes to “The Grill”
    Tells the waiter he will
    Have some A1 to mess up his steak.”

  27. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The good news is I am awake.
    The bad news? Abdominal ache.
    Without any warning,
    I’ve insight this morning:
    I shouldn’t have eaten that steak.

  28. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When I opened a Mom and Pop Shop,
    First my Ma thought it over-the-top.
    Then she — never mirthless —
    Said, “Frankly, I’m worthless,
    But we’ll ask a good price for your Pop.”

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dick, Jane, and Spot”

    In the First Grade, we read, “See Spot Run”
    Seems Spot had a whole lot of fun.
    But his Mom was a bitch,
    Who barked, “Spot, please don’t snitch;
    Tell your friends you’re a “son of a gun.”

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    I primed myself up for “the run.”
    Cuz the “Marathon” sounded like fun.
    But I wasn’t forewarned.
    (All the spectators mourned)
    When I croaked at the sound of the gun.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better Wording Of Above Limerick:

    I primed myself up for “the run”
    Cause the Marathon sounded like fun.
    But I wasn’t forewarned.
    (All the spectators mourned)
    When I croaked from the blast of the gun.

    (The guns at marathons have blanks)

  32. Wildman says:

    In the shop runs a warning that reads:
    SAFETY FIRST! (not the fool, he who heeds)
    Cut re-bars, half awake…
    Not big news, small mistake
    Measured twice and cut once, but it bleeds!

  33. Rudy Landesman says:

    The fate of the world is at stake.
    Too much heat makes our poor planet bake.
    There’s hot music, hot sex
    And the heat from my ex,
    Who’s still trying to get all I make.

  34. Rudy Landesman says:

    They prepared for a forty-year trip —
    Not by plane, not by train, not by ship.
    And thus, the Lord spake:
    “Thou shalt not eat steak.
    The wine of my wrath thou shalt sip.”*

    *Jeremiah 25:15-17 (more or less)

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Goldstein, I know you’ve a thirst
    For this girl, you’re completely immersed.
    Here’s a warning, I’ll stress:
    You must stroke and caress.
    Cuz that’s what they wanna’ do first.

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of Above Limerick, line 3

    Mr. Goldstein, I know you’ve a thirst
    For this girl, you’re completely immersed.
    Please be warned, (and I stress)
    You must stroke and caress.
    Cuz that’s what they wanna do first.

  37. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To whichever First Lady you cleave,
    It depends on the “News” you believe.
    Some accounts say it’s still,
    Mrs. Trump, and not Jill,
    While the die-hards report that it’s Eve.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Mattress Tag warned her and said,
    “Do not rip me, lest you will be dead!”
    But she did it in fun.
    “It’s too late to run!”
    (Spoke the teensy cop under her bed.)

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Club?” (Introduced in 1986)

    “The Club” is a lockable bar
    For a steering wheel, (quite up-to-par)
    To my great disbelief,
    This real stupid thief
    Stole my bar, but he left me my car.

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    Shopped around for some “Yum Pruny Buns”
    At Trot’s Bak’ry I bought tons and tons.
    Then brought them to church.
    Spotted many a lurch.
    All the nuns had a case of the runs.

  41. He said “Your beauty makes my heart quake
    Denying our love would be a mistake
    For me there’s no other
    We can live with my Mother ”
    She replied ‘please go jump in the lake”

  42. I’ve spent my life playing in bars
    Drinking whiskey and driving fast cars
    Lovely ladies were plentiful
    But, now life’s uneventful
    Over sixty they think I’m from Mars

    (Actually I’m 86)

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hello, will you sign my petition?
    I hope this will come to fruition:
    It says, “We’ve come far
    So don’t charge for the bar,
    We can’t even pay the tuition”

  44. Steve Benko says:

    Swinging for a grand slam on the random words:

    Dr. Fauci once gave me the blues;
    At his warnings I’d run — take his cues.
    But I’ve said “What the hell”
    And emerged from my shell;
    To go shopping at first was big news.

  45. Bob Turvey says:

    I RUN quite a large butcher’s SHOP.
    When the Mafia sent NEWS I should stop,
    They FIRST gave a WARNING –
    They set fire to the awning;
    After that they will give me the chop.

  46. Rudy Landesman says:

    Diabetics, and this I do know,
    Should cut out all sugar. And so,
    Goodbye candy bars!
    And this really scars —
    My sweet sugar daddy must go.

  47. Steve Benko says:

    For double, nay, triple duty:

    In Dublin, a bar’s called a pub,
    And they serve up some interesting grub.
    A rookie mistake
    Is to order a steak;
    Get the corned beef and cabbage, you schlub.

  48. Jean McEwen says:

    All the meat eaters sigh, and then quake
    In alarm at the high cost of steak.
    But I’m tired of the moaning
    And all of the groaning.
    Retort: I say, let them eat cake!

  49. Jean McEwen says:

    To hear sad-sacks and hapless bums croon,
    The best place is your local saloon.
    For a moderate cost
    You yourself can get sauced
    And then belt out your own maudlin tune.

  50. Jean McEwen says:

    If lunatic Trump jumps the gun
    And announces a firm plan to run
    In the next month or two
    There’s but one thing to do:
    Heed the warning! There’s time! Cut and run!

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mom owned a real nice clothing shop.
    The prices were “over-the-top.”
    How’d she buy all that stock?
    The news was a shock!
    Turns out she embezzled from Pop.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Each time we had sex in the car
    Jane said, “You are not up-to-par.”
    Her complaint was my size.
    Fine’ly said my goodbyes.
    She was raising the bar much too far.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    My latest medical treatments for shoulder pain, and it’s TRUE!

    If your shoulders feel tight and they ache,
    You should try the new treatments I take.
    The needles are small
    The shots won’t hurt at all
    If you like being jabbed with a stake.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better Punch Line

    Each time we had sex in the car,
    Jane said, “You are not up-to-par.”
    He complaint was my size.
    Fine’ly said my goodbyes.
    She was raising the bar up too far.

  55. Rudy Landesman says:

    I did miss you. Please make no mistake.
    Then you stopped by today. Goodness sake!
    And that got me to humming —
    🎶If I knew you were coming,
    I’d have baked you an old-fashioned cake.🎶

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    My date, Johnny Glib, (not too clever)
    Repeatedly mumb’ling “whatever”
    I said, “Gotta run,
    Golly gee, this was fun.
    I’ll see you again First of Never.”

  57. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On the news we’re warned, “Carry a mask,”
    And a gun, in case shopping’s your task.
    But for me the best way,
    To keep worries at bay,
    Is, quite simply, to carry a flask.

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you watch the first “Star Wars”, I heard
    You’ll be once again thrilled and real stirred.
    But don’t keep running back
    To grab the whole stack.
    Cuz then you’ll be one pukka nerd.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Star Wars”

    If you watch the first “Star Wars”, I’ve heard
    You’ll be once again thrilled and real stirred.
    But don’t keep running back
    To grab the whole stack.
    Or you’ll morph into one pukka nerd.

    (I think that’s better)

  60. Tim James says:

    I made an egregious mistake
    When I stepped on that damn garden rake.
    The result, as you’d guess,
    Left my face in a mess.
    (My whole life’s a cartoon, for God’s sake.)

  61. Terry Marter says:

    At the yearly competitive bake,
    He devised a dessert using steak.
    With his very first try,
    Won the prize for Sweet Pie.
    Now that really does take the cake.

  62. Terry Marter says:

    So how does Count Drac’ like his stake.
    Don’t ask, – he’s asleep (let’s not wake).
    In this story’s next part
    We will spike his foul heart,
    Then we’ll all cheer “Well done!” and eat cake.

  63. Terry Marter says:

    His attempt to chew two stacks of steak
    Was the biggest mistake he would make.
    “Please mete out no more,
    Or I’ll puke on floor.
    I’m declining to further partake”.

  64. Gail White says:


    The cool writers hang out in bars
    with the painters and big movie stars,
    but I and my friends
    when the night’s drinking ends
    sit in subways and strum our guitars.

  65. Rudy Landesman says:

    In Paris I spent all my dough
    On a painting by Señor Miró.
    But I made a mistake.
    Didn’t know ’twas a fake.
    They spoke French when they said that it’s “faux”.

  66. Terry Marter says:

    Pre-ordered our meal by the lake,
    But the restaurant staff need a shake.
    ‘ Asked for Fillet (by phone);
    What I got was T-bone,
    Now the bone of contention’s my steak!

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    In Baja, our lives are at stake.
    (Always worrying, “When’s the next quake?”)
    But the ones we don’t mind
    Are the wilderness kind
    Though they do rattle many a’ snake.

  68. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Guess I took the term “pub crawl” too far,
    By exceeding my drink-limit par.
    When I ordered one more,
    From my seat on the floor,
    I thought, “Who the hell lowered the bar?”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    There went my balletic ambition.
    In hopes of a skilled acquisition.
    Cuz while holding the bar,
    “Master” said, “You’re no star.”
    (I couldn’t get past first position.)

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    It seems that I made a mistake
    When I tasted my wife’s cider cake.
    I said, “Yum! hits the spot,
    Except it is not
    As good as my mom used to make.”

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    It seems I’m a man who is lame.
    “Wifey” cried, “You should feel awful shame.”
    Guess I made a mistake
    When I said, “Take a break
    Stop yakkin’, I’m watchin’ the game.”

  72. Steve Benko says:

    Mad Kane won’t allow a mistake;
    One bad rhyme and no prize will you take.
    But win though you may,
    There will be no payday;
    On that bet my whole fortune I’d stake.

  73. Rudy Landesman says:

    A variation on the Miró limerick.

    In Paris I bought a Monet.
    A shipload of cash I did pay,
    Bur I made a mistake —
    The painting was fake.
    I’d thought “faux” gave it added cachet.

  74. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Some random thoughts on Mad’s “Don’t Make me Look!”

    First, Nude Pickleball news had me tickled,
    But my skin never bronzed — it just nickeled.
    Next, I showed up in shorts,
    And was run off the courts.
    (You can’t play if you’re only half pickled).

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Wifey Love, here is something brand new
    To prove my devotion is true.”
    (Seems I made a mistake
    When I said, “Darling, take
    This treadmill, I bought just for you.”)

  76. Dane Paulsen says:

    Correction to 7/25 @ 11:18

    The termite’s aim was very clear.
    Walks into a bar, not for beer.
    He begins his new task,
    When he ups and asks.
    “So, is the bar tender here”?

  77. Dane Paulsen says:

    Paul Revere said goodby to his son.
    Then left silver shop to start the run.
    He was first that still morning,
    To send out a warning.
    Many hours before his day was done.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    I Can’t Take It Any Longer!

    In Chicago, I’ll no longer stay!
    I’ve warned locals, but they won’t obey!
    “Don’t say, “tee-aks” it’s “TAX”!
    I still hear snarky cracks.
    They can’t tawk right; I’m runnin’ away.

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    First, Bill went to “La Shoppe V.I.P.”
    A Rolex he wanted to see.
    Then looked up at the clock,
    And went into shock.
    Didn’t realize the time was for free.

  80. Mike Young says:

    Each evening I choose to eat steak
    I think that it’s sometimes a fake.
    When I dump that belief
    I sigh with relief
    To know that I’ve made a mistake

  81. Mike Young says:

    In England all pubs have their bars
    Sit outside and you might see the stars.
    At the right time of night
    You might get a sight
    Of the red planet we all know as Mars.

  82. Mike Young says:

    I try to shop first in the morning
    To counter a regular warning.
    I run to the shop
    And I just never stop
    Thus avoiding stale food that is spawning

  83. Terry Marter says:

    As a vegan I do try to make
    A point to S-chew T-bone steak.
    To meet meat, i refuse;
    It’s the veggies I chews;
    Ig-gnaw bones; and be slim (as a rake).

  84. Terry Marter says:

    (All randoms).
    He burst in the shop without warning.
    First he fired a few shots through the awning.
    Did I run? Just a bit, –
    Down my leg (pee and shit).
    I’ll be News ‘on the nose’ in the morning.

  85. Dane Paulsen says:

    In golf it would be a mistake.
    To swing club like you’re driving a stake.
    Smooth swing and rotation,
    Removes your frustration.
    Bad habits are so hard to break.

  86. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    As a child, I thought my heart would break,
    When I murdered my pet goldfish, “Flake,”
    By forgetting his food.
    With deep pain did I brood;
    Now it’s all just a minor missed ache.

  87. Dane Paulsen says:

    When boating you’ve gone way too far.
    You’re hot, when you land on a bar.
    It would be a mistake,
    To sit there and bake.
    Push, off that sandbar (there you are).

  88. Terry Marter says:

    Unresolved insomnia?

    Couldn’t sleep (I’d tried counting the stars).
    Music worked ‘cause it drowned-out the cars.
    But I woke with a start
    When, before the best part,
    It just stopped, – after thirty one bars.

  89. Tim James says:

    A gal named Marie Antoinette
    Couldn’t grasp just how bad things could get.
    With her noggin at stake
    She cried, “Let them eat cake!”
    ‘Twas an outburst she came to regret.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Karen never heeds warnings, (that fool).
    I guess that she thinks it’s uncool.
    First she drank Rusty Nail
    Later, started to wail.
    While drowning in Tinley Park Pool.

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    Senior Activities

    The first of each month we join “Views.”
    A forum for “seniors” ’bout news
    Which is current, although,
    Ms. Gold wanted to know,
    “Did William H. Taft really lose?”

  92. Terry Marter says:

    A triangle player called Lars,
    During 90 bars rest, dreamt of cars.
    Since he stole a hot Honda,
    He’s more time to ponder
    As he rests and counts time behind bars.

  93. Terry Marter says:

    A triangle player called Lars
    Was cornered by three police cars.
    Since that car chase from hell,
    He now lives in a cell
    Where he rests, counting time through the bars.

  94. Dane Paulsen says:

    While biking I spied a young lass.
    Sunbathing, not hiding her ass.
    I slammed on my brake.
    (Took A double take.)
    And fell head over handlebar (WHAT class).

  95. Dane Paulsen says:

    While boating, you’ve gone way too far.
    You’re hot, when you land on a bar.
    It would be a mistake,
    To sit there and bake.
    PUSH off that sandbar (be a star).

  96. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A young lass who admired the heck out
    Of a vampire she yearned to check out,
    Said, “Romance is at stake,
    So a chance I must take.”
    Give her credit for sticking her neck out.

  97. madkane says:

    I suspect that this book, There Once Was a Limerick Anthology, will prove to be a very interesting and fun read. And its editor, Michael Croland, has offered me one free copy to give away to one of my Limerick-Offers. To be eligible, you must be one of the winners of this, the current Limerick-Off and reside in one of the lower 48 US states.

  98. Tim James says:

    A preacher walks into a bar
    And he says, “My wife’s out in the car,
    Where we just came to blows.”
    (That’s as far as it goes;
    I’ve not thought of a punchline so far.)

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    Right into a bar walks a noun.
    He’s verbing an adjective frown.
    The noun owner freaks
    And adverbally speaks:
    “No More Jokes!! Cuss Cuss Get Outta’ Town”

  100. Fred Bortz says:

    With the world’s future climate at stake,
    It’s not time to be taking a break.
    The new bill’s a success.
    (Even Manchin says “yes.”)
    I’ll tell Toomey, “Go jump in a lake!”

  101. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Warning signs say I’m old; I feel cursed.
    Yet my mem’ry is not at its worst.
    In fact now when I make,
    Any kind of mistake,
    I can honestly claim it’s my first.

  102. Fred Bortz says:

    Taking classified papers? A crime.
    But where can “The Donald” do time?
    Call the place where he’ll wail
    About being in jail
    “Bar a Lago,” with walls he can’t climb.

  103. Fred Bortz says:

    I turned on the NEWS in the morning.
    The FIRST thing I heard was this WARNING:
    The J6 Committee
    Makes Donald feel shitty,
    So perjury’s what he’s suborning.

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tornadoes are truly a bitch.
    Warning sirens have one grating pitch.
    On the “Trailer Park News”
    Those real nasty crews
    Tell us, “Run out and lie in a ditch”

  105. Rudy Landesman says:

    When at first Trump decided to run,
    We thought it was all in good fun.
    But let it be noted —
    Some folks never voted,
    And the nation was shocked when he won.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mom, the real beautiful Marge
    Said, “Today Captain Joe is in charge.
    We’ll drink rum and Coke
    With the rest of the folk.
    And get buzzed in the bar on the barge.”

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    The tavern on Cedar is fun.
    And I heard it’s been fully re-done.
    But the pub I suggest
    Is truly the best.
    It’s over on Maple, “Bar None.”

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Of Above Limerick

    The tavern on Cedar is fun.
    And I heard it’s been fully re-done.
    But the pub I suggest
    That’s truly the best
    Is right down on Maple, “Bar None”

  109. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve lost facts that my brain has mislaid,
    Let run dry, or repressed, or made fade.
    So it seems kind of lame,
    That it still stores the name
    Of the teacher I had in first grade.

  110. Sondra Landin says:

    Please Maestro, don’t make a mistake –
    This will be your twentieth take!
    If you now skip a beat
    And your band must repeat,
    They’ll trumpet a permanent break!

  111. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Sjaan, (and anyone else who might find this interesting)

    A little story in response to your remembering the name of your first-grade teacher.

    As a child during WWII, I lived in Zuerich and was secretly in love with my blonde, blue-eyed class-mate, Eveline.
    I memorized her phone number, but never had the courage to call her. After the war my family emigrated to the U.S.; and when I was 28, I spent a few days visiting my childhood home. I remembered Eveline’s number, and I called for the first time. She still lived with her mom at that time, and we had a lovely date at the theater.

    Today, I use her phone number as a password. If that ain’t love…..

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our firstborn we’ve named Brilliant Drake.
    At 6 months, he was baking a cake!
    Our second born, Bill
    Was just run-of the mill.
    And the third one we call The Mistake.

  113. Terry Marter says:

    The symphonic triangle-ist (Lars),
    Keeps some choc’late in three-sided jars.
    To regain his prior zest,
    Lost through excessive rest,
    He devours three Toblerone bars.

  114. Fred Bortz says:

    The guy was a once-rising star,
    Convinced that he’d surely go far.
    But thanks to the Trumpster
    His career’s in the dumpster,
    And that’s the sad tale of Bill Barr.

  115. Tim James says:

    See us first when you want to buy weed!
    Ours is best, as you’ll gladly concede.
    If you want to get high,
    My fine missus and I
    Run the mom-and-pop pot shop you need.

  116. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Rudy. No limerick here, just a quick note to say I enjoyed your
    memory tale. I found it rich with poignancy and humor. I’m amazed
    by the details you’ve retained, especially the phone number! Although
    my first-grade-teacher memories are less specific, I do have a faint
    recollection that her first name was “Miss.” :) Thanks for sharing your
    story; it’s lovely.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    Guess Who

    “I dance all around, thus I thrive.
    I’ve learned the cool “quinary jive.”
    “Never made a mistake.
    In the grass, I’m no snake.
    I’m so smart, I can count up to five.”

    (hint: last Tuesday’s headline)

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: My first grade teacher was also “Miss” Someone
    but I do remember 2 things. (2 randoms)

    Looking back on the first grade, I guess
    Does not bring me too much success.
    Although, I recall
    No one heard of a mall.
    And mom always shopped in a dress.

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Of Above Limerick

    Looking back on the first grade, I guess
    Does not bring me too much success.
    In those days, I recall
    No one heard of a mall.
    And mom always shopped in a dress.

  120. Dane Paulsen says:

    If you find yourself shopping in Bombay.
    There is a wig shop on display.
    Admire their fine hair,
    But first be aware.
    It’s too high a price for toupee.

  121. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For Lisi’s “Guess Who” —

    First, I studied your verse for its clues,
    Then I pored over last Tuesday’s news.
    “Limeriddles” intrigue,
    But I’m out of my league.
    I give up. I’m defeated. I lose.

  122. Steve Benko says:

    “Go ahead, through my heart drive that stake,”
    Sneered the Count; “It’s so cheap it will break.”
    Van Helsing replied,
    “There’s no need to be snide,
    And it’s daytime — how come you’re awake?”

  123. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Sjaan and Lisi!

    Fräulein Langhardt, yes that teacher’s name
    Lives in infamy covered with shame.
    Without warning one day
    Miss L. slapped me, oy vey!
    First grade would be never the same.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    I read in “The Sacred Heart News”
    They’re doing away with the pews.
    Cause the skunks ran away
    To Mount Sinai today
    And they all are converting to Jews.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s no warning for “seniors”, like I’m.
    Not everyone’s vibrant and prime!
    We run and we run,
    And it sure isn’t fun.
    Cuz we simply can’t get there on time.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    This one’s better

    There’s no warning for “seniors” , like I’m.
    Long ago, we were all in our prime.
    Now, it’s no use to run.
    Cuz we never are done.
    And simply can’t get there on time.

  127. Terry Marter says:

    Centre-stage with their bent bars of steel;
    The triangle band plays, with zeal.
    Their legend’ry name
    Rings through vast halls of fame;
    “The Dingtones” (bar none) do appeal.

  128. Terry Marter says:

    The Triangle player (Lars Warner)
    With three girls; Lana, Lena and Lorner,
    And a friend called Bojangles
    (Who knew all the angles)
    Made ends meet in their bar, on the corner.

  129. Terry Marter says:

    Mad: This Limerick is to replace version at Aug 10. 6.47pm. Thanks.

    The symphonic triangle-ist (Lars),
    Stashes choc’late in three-sided jars.
    To regain his prior zest,
    Lost through pages of rest,
    He devours three Toblerone bars.

  130. Terry Marter says:

    Introducing my Rottweiler, Jake;
    He just swallowed a rather large drake.
    “Can I pat his back,
    To see if he’ll quack?”
    I think that would be a mistake.

  131. Dane Paulsen says:

    Can’t rely on my knowledge you know.
    Of mythology from Greece although,
    To think it was fake
    Would be a mistake.
    It’s been my Achilles’ elbow.

  132. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    If The Donald should feel his boots quake,
    As he’s charged for his thieving “mistake,”
    He’ll apply last-ditch measures,
    To his boxes of treasures,
    And claim all the stuff in them is fake.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh, Mom, I have wonderful news!
    I’ll never again sing the blues.
    I ran in a race,
    Didn’t keep up the pace.
    But I was the FIRST one to lose.


  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    Same Stupid Kid

    Oh, Mom, I have wonderful news!
    I’ll never again sing the blues!
    I hit a home run,
    And the other team won.
    But ours was the FIRST won to lose.

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! Same Stupid Kid Who Doesn’t Understand Homophones

    Oh, Mom I have wonderful news!
    I’ll never again sing the blues.
    I hit a home run,
    And the other team won.
    But ours was the FIRST one to lose.

  136. Terry Marter says:

    (All Randoms).
    When you run to the shop for your news,
    Heed this warning to first don your shoes.
    If you run around town
    With bare feet wearing down;
    Like the news, they’ll be all Reds and Blues.

  137. Ken Gosse says:

    Beware Which Muse You Use ~
    Here’s a limerick that ends with a warning:
    It has five random words, each adorning
    the lines that I’ll chop
    in my poetry shop
    (and let me say first
    this one isn’t my worst)
    but you’re welcome to run
    though the lesson’s not done.
    A muse sometimes succumbs to suborning.

  138. Brian Allgar says:

    (I still haven’t found time to write any new ones, so heree are a few old ones …)

    Count Dracula, taking a break
    At a restaurant, made a mistake.
    He ordered ‘filet’
    As the dish of the day,
    But they gave him instead a big stake.

    They had burnt Joan of Arc at the stake,
    And the French all complained “For God’s sake!
    Meat that’s rare is good fun,
    But she’s quite overdone –
    You English don’t know how to bake.”

    Three kings! I decided to stake
    All I’d got, I was certain to make.
    But the other guy saw me,
    And laid down before me
    Four kings! One of us was a fake.

    I had ordered the chargrilled ground steak,
    But they brought me some fish, maybe hake.
    The waiter said “Sheet,
    We done run out of meat,
    So it’s that, or the chargrilled ground-snake.”

    My career as screenwriter at stake,
    I embarked on a splendid remake
    Of “Gone with the Wind”,
    But my last line was binned –
    “My dear, I don’t give a corn-flake.”

  139. Davud W. Hodges says:

    My Random Word submission. . .

    A warning on the newscast at 10:
    There’s a run on some shops once again
    that sell baby diapers.
    But don’t get all hyper:
    for us old folks there’s plenty. Amen!

  140. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When The Donald’s first questioned, forthwith,
    Under oath he starts taking the Fifth.
    This rhyme faulty may be,
    But, alas, so is he.
    Any news that says different is myth.

  141. Steve Johnston says:

    She said she could cook, she could bake,
    But she lied, it was no mistake.
    Her plan had no chance,
    To cook up romance,
    Love lost out to my tummy ache.

  142. Jackie Chou says:

    The host of The Weakest Link
    Pretends to make a stink
    About every mistake
    The contestants make
    Not knowing the answers herself, I think

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: Yes it is hard, (or should I say impossible) to rhyme “fifth” with anything. “Quinary” means fifth in rank or order. I had to look it up.
    Whoever uses such a word, anyway?
    The answer to my “guess who” is The Donald himself.
    No wonder you didn’t get it!

    First I tried to real slyly contrive
    A verse with intention to drive
    You insane; the fake news
    Was a ruse about “Tues.”
    And I trumped up the quinary jive.

    (The devil made me do it:)

  144. Ken Gosse says:

    Good Grief. I just noticed I didn’t include “News,” so here’s the fix:

    Beware Which Muse You Use ~
    Here’s a limerick that ends with a warning:
    It has five random words, each adorning
    the lines that I’ll chop
    in my poetry shop
    (and let me say first
    this one isn’t my worst),
    but here’s the good news—
    if you don’t like my views
    you are welcome to run
    though the lesson’s not done.
    “A muse sometimes succumbs to suborning.”

  145. Steve Johnston says:

    Where we go to tint or chop the mop,
    And gossip (it’s just the news we swap),
    It’s mirrors and shears,
    No men, so no fears,
    Our first lifeline, ye olde beauty shoppe.

  146. Lydia Porter says:

    Here’s my random words limerick:

    When I was a kid I drank pop
    That I bought from the local sweet-shop.
    Back home I would run
    ‘Cos I thought it was fun
    When the fizz popped the cap off the top.

  147. Wildman says:

    In the news and the investment scene
    Clear glass coffins sure sounds pretty keen
    First, all profits thus earned meant
    I’d get rich from interment
    Clear success? Well, remains to be seen…

  148. Steve Johnston says:

    The warning at first was bad news,
    All wine shops might run out of booze.
    So much was at stake,
    I rushed out to slake,
    My thirst at some bars with some brews.

  149. Dane Paulsen says:

    Without warning our friends (with illation).
    Corral us with running narration.
    The desire that they spew,
    Is for us to view.
    Pictures, of their first stacation.

  150. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Play Me” Neil Diamond

    First, remember that you are the sun.
    I’m hoping that you’ll never run.
    For I am the moon,
    And also the tune.
    Please play me till our lives are done.

  151. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Mad is looking around for a pun;
    Geez, I hope I can come up with one…
    “Guy walks into a bar,
    Breaks his nose — hardy har!”
    Ah, voila! Now my day’s work is done.

  152. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends this Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  153. Rudy Landesman says:

    At first light in the blink of an eye,
    They dropped out of a clearly blue sky.
    Without warning they took
    Some boxes; but look,
    Would I lie to you? Never! Not I!

  154. Mike Sullivan says:

    At the Beef Fest, south of Salt Lake,
    An ambitious lass did partake.
    She tried riding a bull
    But her dress was too full.
    They posthumously named her “Miss Steak”!

  155. Dane Paulsen says:

    A death wish the vampire thought.
    He could easily by his hand wrought.
    So he fashioned a stake,
    Not of wood (It was fake).
    And attempts on his death were for naught.

  156. Tim James says:

    All were wondering: where in the world
    Were those classified documents squirrelled?
    Here’s a cynical take:
    With Trump’s future at stake,
    They got flushed; down the toilet they swirled.

  157. Dane Paulsen says:

    My golf games degraded with age.
    It’s all relative, said a golf sage.
    I’ve lowered the bar,
    So very far,
    That I had a good game by my gauge.

  158. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bar and Randoms

    The news of late claimed Single Malt
    Was voted the drink to exalt.
    Yet, I don’t feel it’s first
    To slake my great thirst.
    I take it with one pinch of salt.

  159. Lisi Nortman says:

    Heads Up! Don’t walk into a bar.
    Believe me, you won’t get real far.
    Though your life will not end,
    You will then have to spend
    Eternity in the E.R.

  160. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here is a modified version a previous limerick
    from August 16th. Only in fun, of course.

    “Dear Sjaan”

    First, I tried to real slyly contrive
    A verse with intention to drive
    You insane; the fake news
    Didn’t give any clues.
    And I trumped up the “quinary jive.”

  161. Steve Johnston says:

    Eight to the bar (a boogie beat),
    Chocolate bar, my special treat,
    Bars of silver or gold,
    A pub where beer’s served cold,
    And horny young singles can meet.

    Barbells for a stronger athlete,
    The bar’s set high, a real tough feat,
    Steel bars on a jail cell,
    FUBAR means not done well,
    Bar mitzvah when childhoods’ complete.

    A salad bar keeps us petite,
    Bar-B-Que meat smoked with mesquite,
    I’m finally barred out,
    But just one more to shout,
    I passed the bar exam. How sweet!!

  162. Trevor Alexander says:

    I laughed when I first heard the news
    My ex was beset by the blues
    She’s totally stumped
    ‘Cause she’s just been dumped
    And drowning her sorrows in booze

  163. Wildman says:

    “Drinks on me!”, Price the short guy did say
    So we all started drinking away
    He was so nice to share
    The bar tab? Didn’t care…
    Since we knew ’twas a small Price to pay…

  164. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    In their shtick were two guys so immersed,
    They rehearsed till they thought they would burst.
    When the dry run was through,
    Said the one known as Lou,
    “Now I’ll never find out who’s on first.”

  165. Mike Sullivan says:

    The drunken attorney Ken Starr
    Despite problem drinking went far.
    His youth was ill-spent.
    He’d often lament
    “How will I ever pass the bar?”

  166. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t go shopping; it’s sure not a ball.
    Let me warn you ’bout what I recall:
    I just wanted one frame.
    Each store looked the same.
    It felt like I’d just seen a mall.

  167. Mike Sullivan says:

    It’s always seemed almost unfair
    To cook beef past medium rare.
    I’ll never partake
    In a well done steak
    Without a great sense of despair

  168. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For Lisi: “Riddled with Remorse”

    I was Googling clues for results;
    I found stuff marked, “For Kids and Adults.”
    Then I made a mistake —
    I typed “quinary snake.”
    Now I’m hearing from five different cults.

  169. Mike Sullivan says:

    Let me tell you about our steak
    Filet mignon or strip we make
    T-Bone, flank or Swiss
    Your really can’t miss
    Huge Porterhouse, give me a break.

  170. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Punny career has ended.
    That game in the news sounded splendid!
    First, I sent in 10 puns
    The judge ruled which ones
    Were great, but not one one pun in ten did.

  171. Rudy Landesman says:

    First of all, it’s not news, that is clear.
    I keep writing without any fear,
    “Worry not,” said my ma,
    “If it’s ‘funny ha-ha’
    Or ‘funny peculiar’, my dear.”

  172. Mark Totterdell says:

    An imprudent old glutton called Jake
    Ate his way through a hundred ounce steak
    And a bucket of fries
    Of extravagant size.
    They served salad, that’s all, at his wake.

  173. Terry Marter says:

    When a golf player’s way Under Par,
    Fair to say that he’s raising the bar.
    But with Limbo I wonder:
    Under Par means a blunder.
    If you lower the bar, you’ll go far.

  174. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald decided to take
    All the classified docs, as his stake.
    If he ran out of cash,
    He could sell the whole stash
    To his very good buddy, the Sheikh.

  175. Terry Marter says:

    Grump’s talk is all drivel and jive.
    He’ll duck, dive and wriggle and strive
    To slide under the bar
    That he’s lowered so far,
    That a snake’s attempt wouldn’t survive.

  176. Rudy Landesman says:

    Whenever I do hear a pun,
    What’s the first thing I do? I just run.
    Some folks think they’re funny,
    But not for my money.
    And vulgarities also I shun.

  177. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 499. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off CHIP.