Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WASTE or WAIST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 30, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using WASTE or WAIST at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to COMMUNICATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best COMMUNICATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 1, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 30, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my WASTE or WAIST-rhyme limerick:

Said a fellow, “Alas and alack,
My new pants are too tight in the back
And the front of the waist.
(They were ordered in haste.)
I need someone to cut me some slack.”

And here’s my COMMUNICATION-themed limerick:

Dear hubby, you’re right in the kitchen,
And I’m elsewhere, so though you are itchin’
To share rumors or views,
A complaint or the blues,
I can NOT hear your news, schmooze, or bitchin’.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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157 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: WASTE or WAIST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 30, 2022)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Your Five Minutes Are Up”

    Tried “speed dating” , then Charlie placed
    His hand right on mine, (in good taste.)
    We rushed to his bed;
    Where a hooker was dead.
    Mama Mia Marone! Haste Makes Waste!

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Senior Hill

    “Bessie, darling, try hard to be kind.
    Don’t you realize you’re very inclined
    To ask what I’m thinking
    Ev’ry second I’m blinking!
    Do you think I can read my own mind?”

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    We schlepped to Milan in great haste.
    “The Last Supper” was missing a taste.
    Okay, there was fish,
    Which is always delish.
    But where was dessert? What a waste!

  4. Terry Marter says:

    When she married him (somewhat in haste),
    She had an incredible waist.
    Now she carries twin boys
    But remembers past joys
    Though she’s no longer followed (or chaste!).

  5. Terry Marter says:

    Arrived home; saw a note on the door,
    “When you’d gone; found your key on the floor.
    I’m not home so don’t ring.
    Don’t despair, here’s the thing:
    There’s a spare in the third kitchen draw.”

  6. Terry Marter says:

    I wrote her a sexy love letter.
    She said she got wetter and wetter,
    And wants me to phone ‘er
    A pic of my boner.
    Such romance don’t get any better.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    Communication: The Key

    On the day of our nuptials, ol’ Pappy
    Said ,”Son, she’s a gonna’ get yappy.
    Now’s the time you must choose
    If you’ll win or you’ll lose
    Do you want to be right or be happy?”

  8. Terry Marter says:

    L3&4 Rhymes/ doesn’t rhyme (sorry/ not sorry).

    FYI: SMS message sent
    To me. NFI what it meant.
    Am I hacked? Just my luck!
    OMG! WTF?
    I abbreviate cuz I’m a gent’.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The Duke thought his wife would be chaste
    With a chastity belt round her waste,
    But her lover, perverted,
    Soon had her inverted,
    And “by the back door” they embraced.

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s considered the height of good taste,
    For young ladies to say that they’re chaste.
    Or it was, way back when.
    Things have altered since then.
    Now, they’re loath to let the time go to waste.”

  11. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s considered the height of good taste,
    For young ladies to say that they’re chaste.
    Or it was, way back when.
    Things have altered since then.
    Now, they’re loath to let time go to waste.”

    Sorry, didn’t notice I’d let ‘the’ in the last line.

  12. Terry Marter says:

    There’s one English word (when you’re stuck)
    Whose meanings could fill up a truck.
    There’s no prize for knowing
    Where this Lim’rick’s going:
    You’ve guessed it, – but Who gives a Fuck?

  13. Terry Marter says:

    Communicating’s not always what said,
    Sometimes you can take it as read.
    And there’s often a way
    NOT to say, but convey
    With a wink or a nod of the head.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    Said the sultan, “I can’t abide waste!”
    When informed he had wives still unchased.
    “Send me one every night.
    I won’t rest till it’s right!
    And one now, p’raps – a little foretaste.”

  15. Tony Holmes says:

    “Fitting snuggly around a girl’s waist,
    A man’s mitts are most handily placed
    To move down and to squeeze,
    Or move upwards with ease …
    Till a slap has his movements retraced.”

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    Communication Without Words

    I’m Ms. Tactic, I always advise.
    A maneuver which all men despise.
    Now why bother talking?
    Which ends up with balking.
    This gesture’s called, “rolling the eyes.”

  17. Dane Paulsen says:

    When young I would always made haste.
    My life then was surly fast paced.
    The calories burned,
    But things quickly turned.
    Now much of my food goes to waist.

  18. Dane Paulsen says:

    Correction to line one.

    When young I would always make haste.
    My life then was surly fast paced.
    The calories burned,
    But things quickly turned.
    Now much of my food goes to waist.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    My photo on “Match” has been placed
    With a view, so I’ll look real unchaste.
    It shows my huge breasts.
    I get lots of requests.
    All those pics have been cropped at the waist.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of line 5 of above limerick

    My photo on “Match” has been placed
    With a view, so I’ll look real unchaste.
    It shows my huge breasts.
    I get lots of requests.
    And that picture’s been cropped at the waist.

  21. Dane Paulsen says:

    When young had control of my waist.
    My life then was much faster paced.
    I now sit around
    A lot more I have found,
    And I never let food go to waste.

  22. Fred Bortz says:

    Communication theme

    Sometimes there’s no need to be heard,
    Declaring with nary a word
    An action’s repulsive.
    Your response, quite impulsive:
    Dramatically flipping the bird.

  23. Fred Bortz says:

    “You humans are oddly strait-laced
    Reproducing, then feeling disgraced,”
    The aliens scoff
    As they get themselves off.
    “Having more than one sex is a waste.”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Senior Chat

    “Mildred, darling, please go for a test.
    Your hearing is not at its best.”
    “Sid, I’ve told you before
    And I’ll tell you once more:
    Don’t mention my real hairy chest”.

  25. Dane Paulsen says:

    Communicating with nature

    At the center of our window view.
    A red bud tree makes its debut.
    It’s bright full of color
    And signals another
    Year, for the spirit to renew.

  26. Terry Marter says:

    If I See food, I can’t help but taste.
    If it’s sea food, I’ll not be outpaced.
    So I run to keep fit
    And consume every bit
    That would otherwise just go to waist.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Computer Lessons At Old Age Hill

    “These lessons we’ve had are a waste!
    I give up; it is just a disgrace!
    Can’t copy or cut.
    I’m stuck in a rut.
    And anyway, where’s all the paste?”

  28. P Diane Schneider says:


    Well, talking to you is a waste
    You make yourself out to be chaste
    But out on the road
    Your wild oats are sow’d
    It seems that you’re really two-faced

  29. P Diane Schneider says:

    Perhaps this title should have been “Miss Communication?”

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of limerick from today at 7:58 PM (rhyming error)
    “Computer Lessons For The Aged”

    “These lessons we’ve had are a waste.
    In that class, I feel very displaced.
    I can’t copy or cut.
    I’m stuck in a rut.
    And anyway, where’s all the paste?”

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    A new way of communicating

    Oh Johnny, you’re overly-sexed.
    And that always makes me real vexed.
    Don’t try to deny it.
    There’s no way I will buy it.
    I can tell by the tone of your text.

  32. This Easter we cooked without tact
    and our dinner tables were all stacked
    with overfilled plates!
    So to avoid any waste,
    we’re having leftovers till Jesus comes back!

  33. Bob Turvey says:

    There was a young chap called St. Jude
    Who bathed every day in the nude.
    Stuff south of the waist
    Was unwashed and chaste;
    For Jude, in the nude, was a prude.

  34. Bob Turvey says:

    Our commune’s the best in the state;
    The drugs and the flowers are great.
    When I look in Kate’s eyes
    She smiles back and sighs;
    It’s easy to commune with Kate.

  35. Roger Haugen says:

    Her family was very strait-laced
    And expected her to stay chaste;
    That rule disappeared
    The night she got speared,
    Saying “Life without sex is a waste.”

  36. Roger Haugen says:

    She led her attacker a chase
    That came to an end, face-to-face;
    Before he did harm
    She raised her right arm,
    And gave him a snootful of Mace.

  37. Roger Haugen says:

    The middle-aged woman was graced
    With a younger, much envied trim waist;
    It wasn’t her diet,
    She just remained quiet,
    While keeping her corset tight-laced.

  38. Our physical bodies don’t quit.
    Transmitting intention, admit.
    The words that we choose,
    Can often confuse.
    But bodies emit all, . . . oh shit!
    But bodies emit all our shit!

    Either way, body language often communicates more than words.

  39. Dave Johnson says:

    The notion of haste making waste
    Though simple, is rarely embraced.
    Another we know
    Seems more likely to show:
    More pasta with waist-making paste.

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Your call is important to us.
    Please hold. Do not fuss. Do not cuss.
    And now I must say,
    It’s been a long day.
    Goodbye cuz I can’t miss my bus.”

    (Hello? Hello? Hello?)

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version “Are You A Real Person?”

    “Your call is important to us.
    Please hold, and try hard not to cuss.
    It’s now time to say
    We’re closed for the day.
    Goodbye, gotta’ go catch my bus.”

  42. Jackie Chou says:

    She knows how to squeeze her toothpaste
    Methodically, without haste
    Down to the last nurdle
    Boy is she frugal
    Making sure none goes to waste

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Failure To Communicate (lines 3 and 4 actually rhyme)
    A Tribute To New Jersey, Brooklyn and Chicago

    Today we will go to the shaw,
    But first we will to to the staw.
    Let’s take along Merry
    And Hairy and Lairy.
    And that’ll make one two tree faw.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    More Accurate

    Today we will go to the shaw
    But foist we will go to the staw.
    Now youse go wit Lairy
    And I’ll go wit Hairy.
    And dat’ll make one two tree faw.

  45. Roger Haugen says:

    “I want you all to communicate,
    And take the time to collaborate”;
    The no-nonsense boss
    Got his message across,
    And everyone started to fornicate.

  46. Terry Marter says:

    An aging relationship theorist
    Was dying, so summoned his Dearest.
    To you, my dear Bill
    Here’s ’the lot’ in my will,
    So prepare to be sued by my Nearest.

  47. Sue Dulley says:

    I cancelled my cards in great haste
    But my wandering wallet I’ve traced.
    I thought it was lost
    But I found to my cost
    It was merely misplaced – what a waste.

  48. Linda Fuller says:

    Time spent cooking is not to my taste
    Hot stove laboring leaves me red-faced
    It’s the fast food for me
    Though I have to agree
    With the adage that says haste makes waist

    Grow bigger than one might desire
    Though the admen entice the poor buyer
    To indulge in this slop
    And it’s so hard to stop
    Even when one has grown a spare tire

  49. Dane Paulsen says:

    In recliner with laptop, obsessed.
    My cat wanted up – no request.
    I said “no”, in a tizzy.
    “Can’t you see that I’m busy”?
    Then felt twenty pounds land on my chest.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Animals Communicate Too

    Took a walk with my dog and my cat.
    My kitty said, “Let’s chew the fat.”
    I asked my dog, Zeek,
    “Did you know cats could speak?”
    He said, “Yes, we’ve had many a chat.”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    I canoodled her down past her waist.
    But something was wrong with the taste.
    It was overly dry.
    And I think I know why:
    She didn’t remember to baste.

  52. Liezl Nel Rympies says:

    Daisy Delilah from Delhi,
    delights horny men with her belly.
    A pity her waist
    is a wee bit misplaced:
    The sight ain’t jolly, just JELLY!!!

  53. Unsal Ozunlu says:

    Here is a palimrick of mine : Proverb + Limerick :

    The old proverb said: “Haste makes waste!”,
    This is why things are timed and spaced
    Walter wanted a quickie,
    Alas! It would be sticky;
    A year passed, he was still on Lucy’s waist .

  54. Unsal Ozunlu says:

    The old proverb said: “Haste makes waste!”,
    This is why things are timed and spaced
    Walter wanted a quickie,
    With all his manners cranky
    A year passed, he was still on Lucy’s waist .

  55. Mike Young says:

    Just never let food go to waste
    By cooking with just too much haste
    Slow cooking gives much better smell
    And finally you always tell
    Slow cooking just gives the best taste.

  56. Mike Young says:

    In my youth we just had a dial phone
    So we never heard digital tone
    Call answer was slow
    It was always just so
    And impatience one just could not condone.

    International calls were no dance
    They had to be booked in advance.
    So tiresome we just had to wait,
    A process we all came to hate,
    So to connect we tried clairvoyance!

  57. Tim James says:

    She’d no interest in sating his lust
    But her efforts to tell him went bust.
    Then she hit on a way
    Her disgust to convey:
    With but one single finger, upthrust.

  58. Terry Marter says:

    Mad: please delete my Limerick at 19th. 10.44am. Thanks.

    Double Duty

    Satellites above Earth do not waste
    Precious time bouncing signals ground based.
    My Lim’s in Mad’s blog
    By the time I’ve poured grog,
    But before I’ve had time for a taste.

  59. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    By and large, my anatomy’s graced,
    With things useful and fittingly placed.
    But that layer of jelly
    That serves as my belly,
    For the most part, I think, is a waste.

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    Communication With Your Doctor

    “I’ve been waiting for hours, Doc Goo!
    And that makes me terribly blue!
    I have something to say
    Which I need to convey:
    Doc Goo, I’m not ready for YOU!”

    (so there)

  61. Linda Fuller says:

    I want not because I don’t waste
    Time in yearning for persons displaced
    If one does me wrong
    Then we’ve sung our swan song
    No way to re-tube the toothpaste

  62. Rudy Landesman says:

    Mother scolded him hundreds of times
    For speaking to her in just rhymes.
    They had a big fight,
    But he knew she was right;
    And now that young man only mimes.

  63. Terry Marter says:

    He considered the code a resource
    And Dashed off to enrol in a course.
    He arrived on the Dot
    But just missed the last spot.
    His only recourse was re-Morse.

  64. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    The dying of suns can be traced
    To matter, by sentience graced!
    Thus, I am a tsar
    Who hails from a star
    While you’re all just nuclear waste!

  65. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    A dyslexic old man from Manhattan
    Read the Bible in English and Latin
    Then glanced at his bed
    With a heart full of dread
    For he knew he could not reject satin.

  66. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A lying old actor named Drouth,
    Who was trained in a hamlet down south,
    Was hard to abide
    (theatrics aside),
    ‘Cause he talked through both sides of his mouth.

  67. Terry Marter says:

    My vet’s recent message (in text)
    Said your pig is not well, – he’s quite vexed.
    Since his favourite sow
    Became barbecue chow
    He’s disgruntled, and thinks that he’s next.

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    The 1920’s

    All the “fellas” knew Grandma was chaste.
    Her corset was cinched ’round the waist.
    Yet they still gave a wink
    When Granny wore pink,
    And was stylishly satined and laced.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Chapter Two

    All the gents thought that Grandma was chaste.
    With that corset cinched tight round’ her waist.
    But the nights she wore pink,
    All the” fellas” would wink.
    And by 12, she was wasted and laced.

  70. Rudy Landesman says:

    This might not be in the best taste —
    A tip for the not too straight-laced.
    If fellatio’s your thing,
    Go on, have your fling!
    But more than a mouthful’s a waste.

  71. Randy Wagner says:

    Since her diet was solely fat-based,
    A full-figured physique she embraced.
    Said the wife of Jack Sprat
    As she ate all the fat,
    “Let it go to my waist, not to waste.”

  72. Bob Turvey says:

    The expression, “It’s going to waste,”
    Can mean a meal’s not to my taste.
    But a meal which is grand
    Makes my stomach expand,
    Which also means “going to waist”.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of limerick at 1:48AM April 18th.

    “From Michael”

    “You imply that I’m overly-sexed.
    That offends me and now I am vexed.
    Susie, do not deny it
    I simply won’t buy it.
    I can tell by the tone of your text.”

  74. Dane Paulsen says:

    Another version.

    In recliner with laptop, obsessed.
    My cat wanted up – no request.
    I said “no”, in a tizzy.
    “Can’t you see that I’m busy”?
    Then felt twenty pounds on my chest.

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    “Thank you, Rud’ for your timely advice.
    Words of wisdom, succinct and precise.
    Who will now go ahead?
    Won’t they rather, instead
    Say, ‘On second thoughts, tea would be nice.’?”

  76. Tony Holmes says:

    That was a communication Limerick, just to be clear.

  77. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Dining out, if young Mabel’s unable,
    To connect with her boyfriend by cable,
    Neither vexed nor perplexed,
    She then sends him a sext,
    And she does it all under the table.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh Marone! Enough!

    My Mario, “yakety yak.”
    Always givin’ me some kinda’ flak.
    I’d sure had enough,
    So I played it real tough
    And tied both his hands ’round his back.

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Ricardo’s

    To the viewers it always was plain
    That this wacko was low in the brain.
    When Ricky found out,
    He always would shout,
    “What now, Lucy! How do you splain?”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Simple Communication

    Let’s face it, this lady was spacey.
    George knew what to say just incase he
    Heard too many tales
    About fam’ly travails:
    An effortless, “Say goodnight Gracie.”

  81. Lisi Nortman says:


    I guess I am kind of a nut,
    Cuz sometimes I sit on my butt
    And casually send
    This text to a friend:
    “I’ve got the dead body. Now what?”

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    A young Frenchman fell hard for a Dane,
    But no linguist, he couldn’t explain.
    Driven mad with desire,
    He sought ways to expire.
    His amour said, “I think he’s in Seine.”

  83. Randy Wagner says:

    Communication and horse sense:

    When Mae asked for a roll in the hay,
    Dickie Long didn’t know what to say.
    Snickered Mae, “No remorse!
    You are hung like a horse!
    Take this gal for a ride. Don’t say neigh!”

  84. Rudy Landesman says:

    Not too literary for y’all, I hope.

    Kurt Vonnegut’s aliens were smart,
    And their language did set them apart.
    They spoke not a word,
    But they made themselves heard.
    They loudly would tap dance and fart.

    “Zog arrived on Earth …from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farts and tap dancing.”
    –Kurt Vonnegut, “The Dancing Fool”

  85. Jean McEwen says:

    In their guidance on masks, CDC
    Insists, “Folks, we are not yet home free!”
    Yet, since no one can presage
    The future, their message
    Detractors dismiss as debris.

  86. Jean McEwen says:

    The Catholic school girls, pure and chaste,
    Watch their public school peers, in their haste
    To get laid, soon contract
    STDs that distract
    From past escapades set below waist.

  87. Tim James says:

    A newlywed guy took a taste
    Of his bride’s special sauce, then made haste
    To get out and around
    Till he finally found
    Something better: industrial waste.

  88. Unsal Ozunlu says:


    A handsome man who liked moisted taste,
    Put his firm and strong arm round Mabel’s waist;
    Then the girl said : ‘Oh, please, please,
    Please, make it with a long squeeze;
    Next morning the girl found her dress well-pressed .

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Better Mario, (My Marito)

    My Mario, yakety yak.
    Always givin’ me some kinda’ flak.
    But now he feels weak.
    Is unable to speak.
    Cuz I tied both his hands round his back.

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    Urgent memos descend from on high,
    Filter down and are read with a sigh.
    “Day-to-day dulls their edge
    At this end of the wedge,
    So, no promises, boss, but we’ll try.”

  91. Terry Marter says:

    Feeling hot as his beating heart raced;
    He admired her fine hour-glass waist,
    But was not doing well
    As he felt himself swell,
    Cuz her corset and his drink were laced.

  92. Terry Marter says:

    When the Hour-glass waist that he faced,
    Burst out of its corset, – He braced!
    It exposed her true figure;
    Unbelievably bigger:
    Sands of Time had begun to lay waste.

  93. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Trying hard for their lewdness to smother,
    “Who’s he?” asked the nuns of the Mother
    “Sir Galahad the Chaste,”
    “OMG-what a waste!
    Do you know if the knight has a brother?”

  94. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Sweet and slow his hands slid round her waist
    “I’m your slave,” professed he, and embraced
    His sweet turtledove –
    Who then spat with a shove,
    “I’M supposed to be used and debased…!”

    (My attempt at a WAIST and COMMUNICATION limerick)

  95. Brian Allgar says:

    School lunch was a dish of calves’ brain,
    And the master was heard to complain:
    “Seems they don’t like the taste –
    Stupid boys1 Wicked waste!
    That food could be eaten again!”

  96. Jeanine Silverio says:

    CORRECTION (sorry)

    Sweet and slow his hands slid round her waist
    “I’m your slave,” professed he, and embraced
    His sweet turtledove –
    Who then spat with a shove,
    “You said I would be used and debased…!”

    (My attempt at a WAIST and COMMUNICATION limerick)

  97. Vicki Foley says:

    My husband fought hearing aids viciously,
    So, I stopped talking to him quite maliciously,
    Shouting was a waste,
    But my mood’s improved post haste,
    Now he wears these contraptions religiously!

  98. Vicki Foley says:

    My husband’s a stranger to kitchenware,
    To ask him to cook we don’t dare.
    Costly groceries he’d waste,
    He can’t bake, broil, or baste
    But his dishwashing’s done with such flair!

  99. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Sighed a cannibal, “This one’s a waste,”
    And gave up on the quarry he chased.
    He could see that the chump
    In a tee that read, “Trump,”
    Was a guy clearly lacking in taste.

  100. Terry Marter says:

    My phone line’s been down (as you know),
    But they’ve finally got it to go.
    It just drove me insane;
    Glad it’s back on again, –
    Missed ou.. d..ys of, …. Hello?….

  101. Tony Holmes says:

    “Won’t you let me explain?” “No, I won’t!”
    “Don’t you want to know why?” “No, I don’t!”
    “But I need to confess
    Why I watched you undress.”
    “You’re a dirty old man – it’s your wont.”

  102. Tony Holmes says:

    A young lover both ardent and true,
    Felt compelled to compose billets-doux.
    But a lack of finance,
    Called a halt to romance,
    When she told him, “Pay up, or we’re through.”

  103. Daisy WARD says:

    With a slim fitter on her waist
    Peak her ambition for a taste
    For a small waist-line
    In a short amount of time
    So she wrapped herself in tight lace

  104. Daisy WARD says:

    He continues to call his love
    She didn’t answer inside the pub
    She ignores his call
    Not wanting to fall
    In love with a clueless gov’t

  105. Vicki Foley says:

    Sleepy Joe hasn’t a clue what to do
    ‘Bout the mess he created, it’s true.
    His VP is a waste,
    They’re both a disgrace,
    Till they’re gone, we’ll be totally screwed!

    (In the interest of fair play in view of a previous political post).

    From Mad Kane:

    Although this obviously isn’t a political limerick contest, political opinion limericks from both sides of the aisle are welcome here, as long as they fit into the rhyme word or theme. (Needless to say, misinformation isn’t welcome. But fortunately, in my many years of running this contest, that has never been a problem.)

  106. Sharon Neeman says:

    Now that 51 pounds I’ve displaced,
    With an awful dilemma I’m faced:
    Should I look at my piles
    Of huge clothing with smiles —
    “What a waist!” — or with frowns — “What a waste!”

  107. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Let’s play Post Office!” cried the young miss,
    As she offered her face for a kiss —
    But he stood her in line
    From eleven to nine
    Without letting her dine, drink, or piss.

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    Mum and dad: neither one was strait-laced
    So, their courtship, in short, was fast-paced.
    The result of one spree,
    Nine months later, was me,
    Thus, the padre had no time to waste.”

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Depression

    Mama said, “Children, please never waste
    Any food, it cannot be replaced.
    So please share this fig.
    It came from the twig
    Where Adam and Eve first embraced.”

  110. Rudy Landesman says:

    A mind is a sad thing to waste,
    An issue you might not have faced.
    But when all’s said and done,
    To waste it is fun.
    It’s sadder to leave it misplaced.

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fat Granny preached, “Dress in good taste.”
    So I bought her a frock which was based
    On her ethics, this gift
    Widely known as a shift.
    Was perfect, cuz “Gran” had no waist.

  112. Terry Marter says:

    There’s been no response to my calling.
    It’s bad business, I find it appalling.
    The deadline’s tonight
    Call me back, Keep it tight, –
    Your repartee’s hardly enthralling.

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    This deduction is totally based
    On my life, (not determined in haste)
    If it feels just sublime
    When you’re wasting your time,
    Then wasting your time’s not a waste.

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Communication In The Olden Days

    Grandpa Joe said, “I’ll never forget ‘er.
    In this world, there was nobody better”
    He kept her perfume,
    (Which stinks up the room)
    And some thingamabob called a letter.

  115. Terry Marter says:

    At the clairvoyant’s words my heart sank
    She said my dead Dad’s name was Hank.
    “No! It’s Earnest” I said
    “And MY name is Fred,
    Though right now I’m just being Frank”

  116. Brian Allgar says:

    (This is an alternative version of the limerick higher up.)

    The Duke thought his wife would be chaste
    With a chastity belt round her waist,
    But her lover inverted
    Her, simply inserted
    His … By “the back door” they embraced.

  117. Tony Holmes says:

    “’Unexamined, our lives are a waste!’
    So said, Socrates. (Yes, paraphrased.) (Yes, I know it’s liberty, Rudy.)
    Ah, but when to engage?
    I am not a young age,
    And the years now rush by with great haste.”

    Inspiration: R. Landesman April 25th 2022 2:48pm

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Attempting Not To Use “just” :)

    This conclusion is totally based
    On my life, (not determined in haste):
    If you’re feeling sublime
    While wasting your time,
    Then wasting your time’s not a waste.

  119. Rudy Landesman says:

    Without any thoughtful apology
    He espoused his bizarre epistemology.
    But he was a quack,
    And he lacked the knack
    To conceal it was based on astrology.

  120. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’m sending this lim’rick post-haste,
    Before my idea gets misplaced.
    A thought’s been coerced —
    Today it’s my first —
    And I haven’t a second to waste.

  121. Dane Paulsen says:

    My communication:

    I really don’t have much to say.
    No opinion that I want to sway.
    But here is the key.
    I just want to be.
    The reason someone smiles today.

  122. Dane Paulsen says:

    I’ve been told by one very wise.
    “Lifes full of lows and some highs.
    It’s far better to be kicked,
    By the truth I predict,
    Then it is to be kissed with some lies”.

  123. Randy Wagner says:

    Here is a limerick about nonverbal communication using a splendid oxymoron borrowed from Samuel Beckett:

    Hedy’s lecherous staring divulged
    Her strong weakness for crotches that bulged.
    If the well-endowed guy
    Wasn’t prudish or shy,
    She got down on her knees and indulged.

  124. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ah, Randy

    “Nonverbal communication” with an oral tradition?


  125. Terry Marter says:

    She’d lost count of the judges she’d faced
    In those beauty comps rating her waist.
    Always happy to be
    Ranked among the top three,
    And ironic’ly known as Miss Placed.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    Deceptive Communication

    In truth, I don’t listen to Bea.
    Bea never stops talking to me.
    Like “terms and conditions”
    And all impositions
    I merely respond, “I agree.”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    I tried, yet I never partook.
    And there in the lobby I shook.
    Ev’ry soul with a phone.
    I felt so alone:
    The only one reading a book.

  128. Terry Marter says:

    Some robots (designed with good taste)
    Are slim-bodied and humanly faced.
    But the ones that work hard
    Clearing trash at the yard,
    Prefer their industrial waist.

  129. Terry Marter says:

    At the swingers convention their ruse
    Was to pool all their phones while they’d schmooze.
    Then each grab a phone;
    Make a call to their own,
    Then to bed with whichever was whose.

  130. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Donald Trump is so clearly deplorable.
    His depravity’s hardly ignorable.
    He’s naught but a waste
    Who ought be disgraced—
    That sick schmuck thinks all women are whorable!

    (In the interest of fair play, this example barely scratches the surface.)

  131. Trevor Alexander says:

    When I saw him he stared poker-faced
    Putting trash in the recycle waste
    I told him it’s wrong
    That doesn’t belong
    But he just scurried past me post-haste

  132. Rudy Landesman says:

    Some lim’ricks are not to my taste.
    To read them is simply a waste;
    And when I see a pun,
    I just want to run.
    I groan and delete it posthaste.

    (Of course, not all puns are created equal. Some are created more equal than others.)

  133. Rudy Landesman says:

    No doubt you have heard the last word.
    Immunity’s here for the herd.
    All that you have to do —
    Get a virus or two
    And defer being thereby interred.

  134. Terry Marter says:

    A French engineer (name of Claude)
    waved flags at his fam’ly when bored.
    His brother said: Hey!
    We’ve a system in play, –
    And I’m first to have been Semaphored.

  135. Terry Marter says:

    On March 2, 1791 inventor Claude Chappe sent his brother the first transmission over their optical telegraph (which he later named Semaphore).

  136. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    But Rudy….

    Since a double entendre may blossom,
    From the germ of a pun, and be awesome,
    No pun is a waste
    (unless it’s erased).
    Please send yours to me ‘fore you toss ’em.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    Plot Of “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers”

    This movie is very well-paced
    You must see it, it isn’t a waste:
    It’s you, but it’s not.
    In time you’ll be caught.
    Due to aliens, you’ve been replaced.

  138. Rudy Landesman says:

    A major revision of posting of 4/26 11:07 am

    With aplomb and without an apology
    He espoused his post-Freudian psychology.
    But he was a quack,
    And he lacked the knack
    To conceal it was based on phrenology.

  139. Diane Groothuis says:

    That man with the tight fitting slacks
    Should purchase his clothes off the racks
    It’s a terrible waste
    When you’ve ordered in haste
    And rolls of fat poke out the cracks😅

  140. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ah Sjaan, puns are not my only problem…

    Last night I was told on the telly
    Not to be a naive nervous nelly.
    They said “sampling” is “in”
    And to put on a grin
    And posthaste go rhyme jelly and belly.

  141. Jeff Stokes says:

    Losing weight:

    She asked for a pic of my waist.
    In her haste though, she wrote it as waste.
    Posted several pieces,
    Of my morning feces…
    She said that it was in bad taste!

  142. Rudy Landesman says:

    ….and while I’m in the kvetching vein…

    To deal with an issue like covid
    It would take a poet like Ovid.
    But our writers today,
    In their own bovine way,
    Just ruminate words like a bovid.

  143. Rudy Landesman says:

    …and once more unto the breach.

    Those initials that we must discuss
    Are “L-G-B-Q-I-A Plus”.
    57 Varieties
    That cause such anxieties
    For anyone straight or a wuss.

  144. Terry Marter says:

    If I chat with my stove willy-nilly,
    Or talk to the fridge, I feel silly.
    But I feel slight remorse
    (Though there’s no need of course),
    When I do not say Thank you to Siri.

  145. Terry Marter says:

    Limerick writing humour. Lesson 1.

    Example: I write the first half
    ‘bout a guy needing somewhere to Barf.
    Then I write him a door,
    Which I lock, (in line four)
    He throws up on the floor, then You Larf.

  146. Terry Marter says:

    If you’re writing a letter to scold
    Use a font that is both hard and cold.
    For your message to “shout”
    And Mean it, – with clout,
    Use all-cap’s Helvetica Bold.

  147. Terry Marter says:

    She loved chat, with a Cake and a Frappe.
    It became quite a regular trappe.
    She caught Covid; felt offy,
    Ate cake with a coughee
    And-Eclaired that the Latte was Crappe.

  148. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I keep wondering why my pet gerbil
    Never utters so much as burble.
    Once, I urged hin to speak,
    But he used the word “squeak'”
    As a noun, so perhaps he’s nonverbal.

  149. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    OOPS! Correction for inadvertently creating a new pronoun — “hin” — in line 3 –(contraction for “his’n”?) Sorry for repetition.

    I keep wondering why my pet gerbil
    Never utters so much as a burble.
    Once, I urged him to speak,
    But he used the word “squeak,”
    As a noun, so perhaps he’s nonverbal.

  150. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  151. Mark Totterdell says:

    My brownies with anchovy paste
    Had such an unspeakable taste
    That the special big bin
    That they ended up in
    Had a sign saying ‘hazardous waste’.

  152. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    After birthing her young, my friend, Kate,
    Soon complained she had gained “baby weight.”
    So I sized up her waist,
    Then ignoring good taste,
    I asked how many babies she ate.

  153. Tony Holmes says:

    ‘You’ve been chosen!’ the letter assured,
    ‘One of only a few.’ Was I lured?
    I’d been chosen before,
    Many times, and I swore,
    “You’re not getting me this time, I’m cured.”

  154. Tony Holmes says:

    “Politicians are glib and two-faced.
    They kiss babies with lips that aren’t chaste,
    And we, suckers and fools,
    Watch them breaking all rules,
    And keep voting them in. Is that waste?”

  155. Terry Marter says:

    Our 3rd teacher (Dick) is no gent,
    Cuz on Shakespeare he’ll bullshit and vent.
    An imposter; a farce,
    He just talks out’ his arse:
    Now the sphincter of our discontent.

  156. Fred Bortz says:

    The brain surgeon said, in poor taste,
    “I never let minds go to waste,”
    Promoting some rumors
    That he dined on tumors.
    And that is why he died disgraced.

  157. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 494. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Deeds.