Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TRACK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 29, 2021 )

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TRACK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PHONES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PHONE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 30, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 29, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my TRACK-rhyme limerick:

Under pressure, my voice tends to crack,
Which upsets me and sends me off track.
No I’m not a young male,
But a gal whose words fail
When I need them the most; I’m a flack.

And here’s my PHONE-themed limerick:

My life without smart-phones ain’t tough.
So your pity, I’ll always rebuff.
I’ve no call for complaint;
Though a smart-phone it ain’t,
My “smart-enough-phone’s” up to snuff.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

200 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TRACK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 29, 2021 )”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Ma Rotary Daze”

    I spoke on the phone with ma belle.
    But she cast such a magical spell,
    That I spun, (cord got tangled)
    I almost got strangled.
    Ah yes, I remember it well.

  2. There once was a fellow named Jones
    Who spent lots of time on the phones
    To his Mother he spoke
    Saying “Mum I am broke”
    She said “Don’t hit me up for no loans”

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Moments”

    My mem’rys a slight bit off-track.
    I’ve noticed some skills I now lack.
    Now, what was that word
    Which I recently heard?
    (That damn train just won’t cut me no slack)

  4. She said “Dear you’re on the wrong track
    Please keep your accounts in the black.
    Just come to your senses
    Cut down your expenses
    Not to nag, but you’re being too slack”

  5. Clay Wild says:

    For adventure, my mind is ‘one track’
    But this venture I’d like to take back…
    Was so thankful – dry land
    Kissed the shore, not as planned
    Eskimo roll in 2-man kayak…

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    “track” and “phone” a twofer

    In the 50’s the phones were all black.
    And chicness, they surely did lack.
    Yet they stayed in one place,
    Thus, I’m making my case:
    With those “oldies” one never lost track.

  7. Zelick M. says:

    A boy’s tongue went clickety clack
    As the turning lights went green and back
    The driver irate
    From then drove just straight
    And refused to follow the track.

  8. Terry Marter says:

    I’ve just found my phone (I’d lost track)
    It was always right here. I’m so slack.
    In the past (I recall)
    They were stuck to the wall
    Now I’ve dropped it again, one more crack!

  9. P Diane Schneider says:

    To access websites and hack
    My buddy has such a knack
    While out on the farm
    For fun, not to harm
    But these days, who can keep track?

  10. P Diane Schneider says:

    He wandered to nowhere and back
    With nothing to pack but his sack
    She begged “Settle down!”
    He gave her a frown
    The swagman’s back out on the track.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Teenage Phone Abuse And Its Consequences!

    My grand niece had bad laryngitis,
    Which worsened to dire bronchitis.
    Thank God she is better,
    But “Doc” said, “Never let’er
    Use her phone; she has “Samsung Arthritis”

  12. Terry Marter says:

    When Some people talk on the phone
    Like Mad’s recent Comp’ they just Drone.
    Their vocab’lary’s thin
    They can talk breathing In.
    Please! – Hang up and leave me alone.

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Alley Craps” (If you’re cool, you use this phrase)

    Hey, Bulldog! You’re on the right track!
    We know that you’ll soon get the knack!
    Grab those dice like a pro.
    Not too fast, not too slow.
    Once you roll ’em yell, “Clickity-Clack”

  14. Rudy Landesman says:

    Don Giovanni was good in the sack.
    For partners he never did lack.
    But one thousand and three?*
    He could not foresee.
    He said he had merely lost track.

    *For those of you who don’t know the opera, that’s 1003 just in Spain.

  15. Rudy Landesman says:

    The Navajo always have known
    Technology that was their own.
    Those signals of smoke?
    (And this is no joke)
    The very first wireless phone.

  16. Placido D'Souza says:

    I travel on business to different time zones,
    So it’s not easy to use any of the available phones,
    To deliver my message I use drones,
    But theses are ti miscarriage prone.
    Should I use a carrier pigeon to make my goal known?

  17. Bob Turvey says:

    A driver of engines named Dodd
    Liked sex any place that was odd –
    ‘til he lay on his back
    After sex on the track
    And a train squashed his coupling rod.

  18. Bob Turvey says:

    A parrot, whilst left on its own,
    Pressed pads on a digital phone.
    When a clergyman spoke,
    The bird, for a joke,
    Said “FUCK” in a very loud tone.

    [Hmm. Typical fowl language.]

  19. Bob Turvey says:

    The League that looks after stray bats
    Has a program for feeding them gnats.
    For those on their own
    They supply a free phone
    And use helium to hold high-pitched chats.

  20. Bob Turvey says:

    A headline (from a phoned-in report)
    Read: “Casual Teas in Contact Sport”.
    The next issue said,
    “Our faces are red;
    It was ‘Casual Ties’ – phones can distort.”

  21. Bob Turvey says:

    Whilst driving, a driver from Crewe,
    Used his mobile to phone up the zoo,
    His friend, who was there,
    Let him speak to the bear,
    Who was lonely and liked chatting too.

  22. GQP uses ol’ high school tact
    saying Trump is the captain of track,
    that he’s faster than Biden
    while the whole time hiddin’
    all of his drugs behind back.

  23. Tony Holmes says:

    When your phone is far smarter than you,
    You don’t have to remember. Few do.
    But one day, you’re undone.
    Your phone hides, just for fun,
    And to highlight you haven’t a clue.

  24. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve an iPhone – top-notch – it’s switched off.
    When I’m challenged on why, I will cough.
    “If it’s on,” I will say,
    “I get calls every day,
    And that runs down the batt’ry. Don’t scoff!”

  25. Brian Allgar says:

    These “smartphones” are not smart at all!
    They’re almost unreadably small;
    Of “apps” there’s a pile,
    But no rotary dial –
    How the hell do I just make a call?

  26. Tim James says:

    They used to put phones in a booth
    In the long-ago days of my youth.
    You would drop in a dime
    For a few minutes’ time.
    I remember! (I’m long in the tooth.)

  27. Sondra Landin says:

    The student I’ve tutored’s on track,
    She’s read all the books in my rack,
    Devoured Proust and Nietzsche;
    What more can I teach ‘er?
    I fear I’ll be given the sack.

  28. Tony Holmes says:

    There are sightings, not many, I grant,
    Of those who still will not, or can’t,
    Make the leap from the dark.
    Their phones date from the ark,
    But they flatly refuse to supplant.

  29. Terry Marter says:

    Spent the day on a train, drinking wine.
    Writing lim’ricks, – awaiting Mad’s sign.
    Since my mind’s been on “Track”
    All the way there and back, –
    “Track” and train’s at the end of the line.

  30. Kirk Miller says:

    The gal took a drive ill-fated.
    She talked on her phone unabated.
    A cop had observed
    While driving, she swerved;
    Claimed she drove while in-talks-icated.

  31. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Though the Luddite was lacking in cred,
    On the subject of cell phones he said,
    “I’ll buy in a snap
    The one with an app
    That allows me to talk with the dead.”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    “University Of Lawbreakers”

    “Did you hear that the cops are in town?
    Don’t care! I ain’t wearin’ a frown.
    I’ve been chosen for track.
    I got a great knack:
    I run like they’re chasin’ me down”

  33. Sondra Landin says:

    I sit in my most comfy chair,
    My score paper, pencils right there;
    Composing sweet ring tones
    For all of my smartphones;
    I hope to delete their harsh blare!

  34. Bob Turvey says:

    To the wife I said over the phone,
    “I’ve a riddle – it’s hard – can be blown.
    When it slides in and out
    You’ll jump and you’ll shout
    And it’s in my hand now!” “Your trombone?”

  35. Clay Wild says:

    While in church with the ultimate Boss
    My phone RANG! No excuse. At a loss…
    Stares deride, patience nil
    And if those looks could kill…
    I’d be up with the Man on the cross

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    I been workin’ on this railroad track
    For years; there ain’t no skill I lack.
    And when the day’s through,
    I hightail it to
    My Dinah, who waits in the sack.

  37. Clay Wild says:

    Saw results, Clay and Tony were sad…
    Reminiscent of Florida ‘chad’
    Though morale we may lack
    We will get back on track
    With a NEW Lime’rick BLOG, called ‘GONE MAD’!

  38. Clay Wild says:

    Safety check, roller coaster, was due…
    Gone unseen, had a screw loose, or two…
    We heard clickity-clack
    Then, it DIDN’T come back…
    Went from Lansing to Kalamazoo!

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Mama would think I’m insane,
    (Rest In Peace), but how would I explain?
    The world she once knew
    Is just about through,
    And the phone has become the new brain.

  40. Clay Wild says:

    I ‘push up’ flip phone with agility
    I ‘pull up’ ex Sue – has senility…
    I ‘sit up’ with a start
    For an ‘up-lifting ‘ part
    Daily ex-cercise in futility…

  41. Lisi Nortman says:


    My Mama lies there all alone.
    (Rest In Peace), I still cry by her stone.
    She’d be very confused
    And extremely bemused,
    If I told her the brain’s now a phone.

  42. Rudy Landesman says:

    So how do you talk on your phone?
    Standing up? Sitting down? Lying prone?
    If you’ll take my advice,
    You won’t have to think twice.
    Just sit where the sun never shone.

  43. Rudy Landesman says:

    Track and Phone

    I was phoning my bookie, irate.
    Afraid I was calling too late.
    I said, “Call me right back.
    I am here at the track.
    The horses are still at the gate.”

  44. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, my last line at May17 8.28pm should say through (not though), and those long spaces shouldn’t be there. They appeared when I pasted the limerick but are normal at my end (go figure). I’d appreciate if you would fix. Cheers.


  45. Tony Holmes says:

    Don’t take chances with facial ID
    On your phone if you’d live hassle free.
    Face contorts overnight.
    I face front at first light:
    iPhone scans and takes fright and blanks me.

  46. Michael P Moulton says:

    Josh Hawley, for those keeping track
    Won’t cut cabinet picks any slack
    Voting, “no” as a rule
    On each pick, the fool
    Proves that he’s a Trump-loving hack.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    I now live in Chicago, Il. I am originally from Bayonne, N.J.
    Something amazing happened.

    I decided to fly to Bayonne.
    To visit old friends that I’ve known.
    Did I go back in time?
    It felt so sublime!
    Not a soul at O’Hare had a phone.

  48. P Diane Schneider says:

    The call came when I was in bed
    “You’ve ordered an iPhone,” it said
    Of course I did not!
    (Despicable bot)
    These calls really mess with my head.

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now John, take that phone off the table.
    And if you still feel you’re unable
    To sit and eat lunch,
    Just swallow a bunch
    Of these pills; they will help you keep stable.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Advantage Of Cell Phones

    You can talk on your phone and now grin.
    You can tell your best friend ’bout your “sin”
    You can now freely say,
    “I sure went astray”
    Cuz mom and dad can’t listen in.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    No more “personals” , where’s “Mr. Right?”
    Bygone eras sure make me uptight.
    Now it’s all on the phone,
    Where the photos are shown.
    Do you know what’s on T.V. tonight?

  52. Clay Wild says:

    Submarine Hydro-Phones, on the brink…
    Can detect with a ‘THUMP’ when you wink
    There’s a new prototype
    Most advanced, worth some hype
    So high tech, it can sense what you THINK!

    (It can hear teenage RAP from Helsink…)

  53. Jean McEwen says:

    By the end, I no longer kept track
    Of each whack, thwack, and smack to my back
    I received from that nun
    Who resented the fun
    We kids had (of which she had a lack.)

  54. Jean McEwen says:

    Today’s kids, so attached at the hip
    To their phones, often drive down the strip
    Blithely texting away
    Seeming scarcely to weigh
    Just how close they could come to death’s grip.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:


    Hey Guys! I’ve invented a winner!
    (It’s cruel, so I might be a sinner)
    An unusual thing,
    That goes “ring ring ring”
    And made to disturb people’s dinner.

  56. Terry Marter says:

    As I ran to the bathroom (‘bout three)
    ‘got a scam call (to steal my ID)
    Though I just couldn’t wait
    I had fun, – took his bait.
    “I’ll just put you on hold ‘fore IP”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The World’s Very First Phone Call”

    Could this very first call be a trick?
    Knowing Tom, it’s just part of his schtick.
    He said, “Mr. Bell
    I am not feeling well.”
    (What’s the meaning of “calling in sick?”

  58. Terry Marter says:

    So sorry Mad, can you please delete my Limerick at May 17, 8.28pm. (I’ll re-post). Thanks.


  59. Lisi Nortman says:


    The World’s Very First Phone Call

    Could this very first call be a trick?
    Knowing Tom, it’s just part of his schtick.
    He said, “Mr. Bell
    I am not feeling well
    Sorry Boss, but I’m calling in sick”

  60. Terry Marter says:

    Dodgy line, – can you hold? …….half a mo….
    Yes…please wait…. sorry…. don’t go…
    Now I’m back…are you there?
    An appointment?…… for hair?
    We’re booked through next month but…….. Hello?….

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Press 1 if your hubby ain’t sweet.
    Press 2 if you’d like to meet Pete.
    Dear Pete has a wife,
    Which may cause you some strife.
    Press 3, if you still want to cheat.

  62. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Mad (my favorite editor),
    Please delete my May 16th 11:52 PM version of this limerick.

    I ordered some wine on my phone.
    A 2018 Cotes du Rhone.
    It was a Grand Cru.
    So, what would you do?
    I drank it up all on my own.


  63. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve a phone app for knowing which day,
    And another for showing the way.
    With my phone, I live large,
    And let Siri take charge.
    “I suppose, now, you want me to pay?”

  64. Tim James says:

    With my bingeing on Prime, I’ve lost track
    Of reality. Woe and alack!
    Streaming comes at a price.
    How I wish for a vice
    That’s a lot less addictive — like crack.

  65. Terry Marter says:

    I want a new phone that must cater
    for my womanly needs, – not just data.
    If it’s got a cute ring
    Well that don’t mean a thing
    But it Must have a power vibrator.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Technology zooms like a rocket.
    Charge you phone? All you need is a socket.
    Used to call up a gal,
    Or our very best pal.
    But now we just call up their pocket.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick Could you please change L2,
    so instead of Charge your phone? all you need is a socket….to
    Your cell phone just needs any socket.

    Thank You,

  68. Clay Wild says:

    The prodigious child Phineus Fogg
    Lost his phone in a bottomless bog
    “Rode a sub, met a miner
    I now live here in Chinese!”
    He had carved on his slip’ry ship’s log

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Whole And Better 2 Verse Limerick (with the right tenses)

    So poor, we were barely alive.
    But we needed a phone to survive.
    We could only afford
    A raggedy cord,
    Attached to a phone with no 5.

    Oh, Johnny, you sure don’t look fine.
    Is that phone on another decline?
    Yes, Bill, now it’s worse,
    And I just gotta’ curse.
    Cuz now it is missing a 9.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: sorry:
    Could you please delete the first three “phone” limericks above,
    And just leave the 2 verse one there?
    Thank you,


  71. Terry Marter says:

    Lim’rick Writer with whores in his bed
    Got distracted while getting some head,
    He had a hard time
    Coming up (with a line)
    So he phoned for a pizza instead.

  72. Terry Marter says:

    Writing lim’ricks out back right on track
    Someone spiked my nice snack with some crack
    Made my pupils all wide
    Took my mind for a ride
    Now my lim’ricks are all out of whack.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t like to date girls who are old.
    Called Jane’s number, I heard she’s “like gold”
    Mom said, “Janey’s one
    Her life’s just begun.”
    I said, “That’s all right; I’ll just hold.”

  74. Terry Marter says:

    Sorry to bother you Mad. Would you please delete my Limerick at May 19, 12.21pm. Thanks.


  75. Terry Marter says:

    My attempt at modifying a known (and often lengthy) joke/story into a limerick. I hope that is allowed.

    The Deaf genie Siri, (a realist)
    Said “I’ll Grant you one Wish” to my Dearest.
    The result did not please,
    – got a Dwarf on the keys.
    Siri Thought he said “13 inch Pianist”

  76. Clay Wild says:

    “I COULD CARE LESS!”, my friend’s phone call decried
    “But you’re WRONG!”, I then firmly replied…
    If that’s how you ‘feel it’
    Why mask and conceal it?
    If your “COULDN’T care less”, you’d have lied!

  77. Clay Wild says:

    Friend Lloyd phoned – watches flicks day and night
    As he sits, he’ll produce cellulite…
    Fitness coach threatened him
    “Better get to the gym!”
    “Tell you Lloyd, celluloid, not tonight!”

  78. Clay Wild says:

    The day dawns with much pand-iculation
    After deep, somnolent hibernation
    And to get me on track
    Add ‘pep schnapps’ to ‘Joe’ black
    My ‘am’ pick-me-up, sweet libation…!

  79. Clay Wild says:

    Called a friend on my phone, his name’s Dwight
    A car AC-cident (side-swiped), his plight…
    Whole left side paralyzed
    Doctor said, I surmised…
    The BAD news is that NOW he’s ALL RIGHT!

  80. Clay Wild says:

    “Drinks on me!”, my SHORT friend Price did say
    So we all started drinking away
    With each ‘shot’ – head-tip back
    The bar tab – who kept track?
    Didn’t care – since a ‘small Price’ to pay…!

  81. Terry Marter says:

    Do try this at home.

    “Who’s on First?” I asked Siri tonight
    At the Baseball game’s last innings’ fight.
    Her reply, – somewhat terse,
    Didn’t rhyme with this verse
    And there’s No one in This game called “Right”

  82. Daisy Ward says:

    The man’s car got stuck on the track
    After the software was hack
    People tried to push
    But fell on their tush
    The car was the fast train new snack

  83. Daisy Ward says:

    A pick-pocketer stole my phone
    Afterwards he starts to moan
    He was shocked left to right
    Cause his face to look tight
    My phone was mail directly too my home

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Lost In The Twilight Zone Desert”

    In the desert, as dry as a bone,
    10 feet down in the sand, heard a phone.
    I answered the call.
    Someone said, “Listen Paul!
    You’re behind on your next student loan”

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    another attempt at a 2 verse limerick

    “1876” Alexander and Tom Watson”
    “Hey Guys! I’ve invented a winner.
    It’s cruel, so I might be a sinner.
    An unusual thing.
    It goes, “ring ring ring”
    It’s used to disturb people’s dinner.

    Could this very first call be a trick?
    Knowing Tom, it’s just part of his schtick.
    He said, “Mr. Bell,
    I am not feeling well.
    Sorry Boss, but I’m calling in sick”

  86. Clay Wild says:

    On the Game Show, Bob chose ‘phone-a-friend’…
    Million bucks, on the line, did depend…
    Anxious thoughts, lose it all….?!?
    Clever grin – made the call…
    9-1-1 -> APB -> Thanks! The End…

  87. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When a shoplifter’s life went off track,
    He vowed, “I will give up bric-a-brac.
    All this swag I purloin,
    Doesn’t bring me much coin.
    I just it nick it ‘cuz I’ve got the knack.”

  88. Clay Wild says:

    “Phone-A-Thon! Jimmy Fund! One or two…
    Philanthropic installments from you?!”
    “Leave the cash by the sink.”
    (The small voice made me think…)
    “Grandson ‘James’, that’s your voice – is that YOU?!?

  89. Rudy Landesman says:

    French president, Monsieur Chirac,
    Of him I have always kept track.
    I remember him well.
    He once gave us hell.
    Jacques scorned our attack on Iraq.*

    *ee-RAQ not EYE-raq. Thank you.

  90. Mark Totterdell says:

    When the very first phone call was staged,
    AG Bell was completely enraged,
    Most exceedingly vexed,
    All confused and perplexed,
    When he found that the line was engaged.

  91. Mark Totterdell says:

    Through tundra, I set out to track
    A herd of magnificent yak,
    So huge and so hairy,
    Things got rather scary
    When they began tracking me back.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Joe Dearest, I want a divorce.
    I’m sure that you’ll feel much remorse.
    You went to the track.
    Now go up and pack.
    Don’t lie, cause you smell like a horse.

  93. Terry Marter says:

    Crossed the river to buy me a deer,
    in an Old truck (reluctant to steer).
    Lost the truck on the track
    With the buck on the back
    When the truck bucked the trend on the weir.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    My horse Quicky, will win in a snap.
    I’ll be wearin’ my red lucky cap.
    Today at the track
    She’ll begin her “attack”
    Cuz her rider’s the great jockey, “Strap”

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought my sweet horse was unmatched.
    To her, I’ve become so attached.
    But today at the track,
    I expectin’ a slack.
    Cuz my poor “Annie’s Ass” has been scratched.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: (sorry)

    2 verse limerick, May 20th, at 4:03 PM
    last line verse 1, I typed “It used to disturb people’s dinner.”
    Could you please change that to ….It’s used to disturb people’s dinner.

    Thank you,


  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Mother’s Day Gift

    “Fine-ly Mama, you’ve gone with the flow.
    With that smartphone, you’re sure on the go.
    I bought you that cell
    Cause it’s made very well.
    Are you having great fun with it?” “No”

  98. Clay Wild says:

    Don’t ‘tune out’, you should probably try us…
    No, we’re NOT some rude, sexual bias
    As we make our ‘ascent’
    We’re quite sure you’ll ‘assent’
    HOMO-phones, even Bi’s seem to buy-us!

  99. Clay Wild says:

    As shy Sue grabbed the cold micro-phone
    She just couldn’t help feeling alone…
    But as her coach had stressed
    Picture them ALL undressed
    That worked GREAT – just NO ‘eye contact’ shown…

  100. Terry Marter says:

    Silence is golden.

    All these Apps make my phone do its thing
    One plays Music that makes my heart sing.
    But I have to confess
    that the part I love best
    Is the button that turns off the ring.

  101. Clay Wild says:

    So the XYLOPHONE-phone put on a show
    Arms were flailin’, just look at him go!
    With a blur of his mallet
    He pleased everyone’s palate
    ‘Cause they ALL ‘ate it up’, don’t you know!

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Frequent Senior Moment

    When you’re old, you forget who’ve you phoned.
    Takes 2 seconds to feel real bemoaned.
    You ask, “Who is there?”
    A hush fills the air.
    You switch off and conclude that they’re stoned.

  103. Clay Wild says:

    Silencing (they work great…), new ‘head phones’
    Have-to-have-em – my teenager’s ‘jones’…
    Now, to get him to hear
    I’m an INCH from his ear
    And it works – just with TWO MEGA-phones!

  104. Clay Wild says:

    So, my horse said, “You’re full of boloney!”
    I said,”WRONG! It’s just SPAM, and it’s PHONE-Y!
    Now, less ‘talk’ and more doin’…
    On the grass, please get chewin’
    It needs cuttin’, but ain’t got no mow-ney…

  105. Clay Wild says:

    Tony H., Anglo-phone, there’s no doubt
    Of his GREAT limericks we can tout
    Of what Brits think is GRAND
    We still don’t understand…
    Tea & Crumpets, what’s THAT all about….?

  106. Clay Wild says:

    With a thick southern drawl the ‘stud’ Max
    Said he needed to ‘practice his sax’…
    Sue heard wrong (he meant ‘phone)
    Couldn’t leave him alone…
    They ‘made music’ – took turns on their backs….

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    My first cell phone? The size of a brick.
    ‘I’m so cool!’ So I thought, but I’m thick.
    Phone in hand, I’d disport
    Till a mirror cut short
    My amour. My new thought? “What a prick!”

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s the latest! The ‘Must have!’ new phone
    Not to own it will lower your tone.
    So, trade in and upgrade.
    There! It’s yours now. You’re made!
    I’ll just leave you two lovebirds alone.”

  109. Tony Holmes says:

    For Young Clay:

    Tea and crumpets? Delightful repast!
    Must be fresh and much buttered – a blast!
    Take your phone off the hook:
    Don’t relax while they cook:
    Competition is fierce, so eat fast!

    As to what they’re about? They’re refined,
    And great comfort when troubled in mind.
    If you’ve wandered off-track,
    Crumpets lead the way back.
    Serve with seedcake, Earl Grey, and unwind.

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    I’ve got minutes and data to spare.
    I can text all I want, they don’t care.
    Every month, one fixed fee –
    I get roaming for free!
    Hello world – is there anyone there?

  111. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, so sorry this is becoming a habit (workin’ on it) but would you please delete my Limerick at May 21. 8.31pm. Thanks.


  112. Terry Marter says:

    Got loud pods in my ears, – my head’s spinning
    With that MF of opera-singing.
    Callers haven’t a clue
    That they’ll Never get through –
    ‘Been twelve hours and Wagner’s still Ring-ing.

  113. Clay Wild says:

    The world’s RIFE, HOMO-phones, they keep coming!
    And I’ve heard, herd immunity – numbing…
    Hear this here, by and buy,
    Two can too, have a try!
    Our fine hour, weak this week, I’m succumbing…

  114. Clay Wild says:

    Tony H., quite the comeback – TOUCHÉ!
    Through not young, I’m well-seasoned, let’s say…
    Lox & bagels, flap-jack
    Keep OUR brunches on track
    We’re BOTH right, let’s try SCONES, meet half-way?!?

  115. David Friedman says:

    At the national park, Ranger Mack
    Stared mystified at the track
    “It’s a 3-legged man,”
    He said, looking wan,
    “Or John Holmes is naked and back.”

  116. David Friedman says:

    There was a corona cell, Cyrile,
    All covered with spikes in a spiral,
    As he and his clones
    Coated everyone’s phones,
    “I’m hoping,” he said, “to go viral!”

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Lucky Charm (Triple Crown)

    My lucky charm’s all that it takes
    To get all those wonderful breaks.
    And today at the track
    My Thoroughbred, Jack
    Will win the most famed T-BONE STAKES!

  118. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I had faith my new smartphone would track
    Where I’m going and how to get back,
    But for two nights (so far)
    I have slept in my car,
    On a street quaintly named, “Cul-de-sac.”

  119. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Terry,
    So glad to find a fellow Wagnerite. But please be advised that the the “Ring” is about 18 hours long (including intermissions). And that opera singer M.F. you referred to? The only one that comes to mind is Maria Faneti, who died in 1955 and was not known to sing Wagner.

  120. Tony Holmes says:

    Sjaan, aleternate endings. Which should it be? (Excellent limerick, by the way.)

    “Hello, Siri! How are we today?
    Please find Sjaan – she’s got lost on her way.”
    “GPS is the key.
    Triple A? A St B’?”
    “Both sounds good, but I’d go with latte.”

    “Hello, Siri! How are we today?
    Please find Sjaan – she’s got lost on her way.”
    “GPS is the key.
    Triple A? A St B’?
    When they get to that age, they will stray.”

    From Mad: (My answer, though you didn’t ask me.)
    It has to be “stray.” (Unless it’s pronounced differently across the pond, latte stresses its first syllable, so it doesn’t rhyme with day and way.)

  121. Tony Holmes says:

    For the well-seasoned Clay:

    Ah, by flapjacks you’re meaning pancakes?
    Made with butter and syrup, oat flakes?
    Shakespeare mentions, please track,
    Something called a flap-jack,
    Which they nibbled, piece-meal, between takes.

    Yes, well-seasoned – three-ché! One to you.
    A description of yours truly, too.
    And when you say, ‘Scone’,
    You pronounce as in ‘Phone’?
    If you do, I’m afraid that won’t do.

  122. Tim James says:

    D.C. rioters had no success;
    Now they’re all in a hell of a mess.
    It turned out their attack
    Was quite easy to track;
    All it took was their phones’ GPS.

  123. Kirk Miller says:

    Amtrak railway is getting some flack.
    Clientele say the line’s out of whack.
    They must soon engineer
    Lots of change; that is clear.
    Riders claim that they’re on the wrong track.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was said that the slaves couldn’t bear
    To be seized the the “Land Of Unfair”
    One could hear the sad moans
    When they tossed out the phones,
    As they stared at their hands in despair.

  125. Terry Marter says:

    I was filming Great Whites (and some Blues),
    – saw Trump Fall overboard from his cruise.
    Should’ve phoned 911
    but my Ego said “Son,
    just keep Filming, and Then phone the News”

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Announcer: And They’re Off!

    “All welcome to “Devious Track”
    Never know who will take up the slack.
    The “Orange One’s” trailing’
    Aware that he’s failing,
    His rivals get shot in the back”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not A duplicate

    It was said that the slaves couldn’t bear
    To be seized to the “Land Of Unfair”
    One could hear the sad moans
    As they tossed out the phones,
    As they stared at their hands in despair.

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    Phones, Of Course

    I won’t dress up in satin and lace.
    Won’t buy make up. The cost? A disgrace!
    I’ll have dinner with Ray.
    He will blabber away.
    And I’m sure he won’t notice my face.

  129. Terry Marter says:

    Hi Rudy, thanks for reading my Limerick.
    Yes. I am aware of the length of the Ring cycle, hence my reference to “…STILL Ring-ing” (continuing past 12 hours).
    My “MF” was not a singer’s initials but a crude/vulgar heavy duty (and complimentary) reference to the heavy duty composer of “opera-singing”, which I hyphenated in the hope that it would help convey that meaning. The MF also indirectly referencing the fact that Wagner was not averse to writing about incestuous relationships!

    From Mad:


  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Mary darling, I’m hittin’ the hay.
    It’s been such a strenuous day”
    “Don’t blame you, my dear,
    You’ve a taxing career.
    I’m standing behind you and Faye”

  131. Clay Wild says:

    Hold the phone, I’m now back on my track
    Tony’s ramblings sent me out of whack
    Through my scone just half way
    At the chic French cafe
    Tony threw me off stride – has the knack…

  132. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Terry,
    Good to hear from you. From your limerick I had assumed that you had given up after twelve hours. I was hoping I might inspire you to listen to the rest. It gets better.
    I knew that your MF reference did not mean a singer, and I was trying to poke a little fun at you by finding one with those initials (no easy task). As for mother/son incest. Wagner did not cross that line. (He settled for brother/sister and nephew/aunt.) You’ll have to go to Stravinsky’s Oedipus Rex for the good stuff.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    1936: America’s Indignity

    Jesse Owens had one awesome knack.
    Won gold medals for field and for track.
    Although praised in the stands,
    Not allowed to shake hands,
    With the President, cause he was black.

  134. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Cheers for Tony — there’s help on the way!
    My phone and I live one more day!
    Thanks to him (yes, sir-ee)
    Now at last I’ll be free
    To drive ourtta here drinking coff-ay.

    (What pond? Don’t TELL me I have to cross a pond).

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    I meant to make line 4 an actual sentence. Thus,

    “America’s Indignity” 1936

    Jesse Owens had one special knack.
    Won gold medals for field and for track.
    Although praised in the stands,
    Jesse never shook hands
    With our President, cause he was black.

  136. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To my friend, as I’m driving us through
    A strange town neither one of us knew,
    I said, “Help me here, Lars.
    Check my phone. Are there bars?”
    He said, “No, but will liquor stores do?”

  137. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    This for Lisi, a limerick game
    (Or a riddle, if it’s all the same):
    Without using his back,
    He laid many a track.
    Hal and Dionne helped out. What’s his name?

  138. Rudy Landesman says:

    Sorry If I beat you to this, Lisi.

    Little David was small, but oh my!
    Those lyrics he wrote on the fly!
    He filled many a track.
    He had Warwick’s back.
    Forget him? We won’t even try.

  139. Rudy Landesman says:

    That digital stereo I own?
    Its purchase I truly bemoan.
    The damn thing’s so loud.
    It could deafen a crowd.
    Please bring back my old gramophone.

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy and Sjaan: Before I even think about your limericks,
    I must redeem myself for that REALLY bad one I wrote.
    F.D.R. wasn’t black. Sorry Jesse, wherever you are.

    Jesse Owens had one awesome knack.
    Won Gold Medals for field and for track.
    Although praised in the stands,
    Not a soul could shake hands
    Of a President, if they were black.

  141. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Clay and Tony,

    It is rumored that once Lili Pons
    Indulged in just too many scones.
    She simply lost track
    Had a bad fat attack
    Gained weight, not in pounds, but in tons.

  142. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Lisi,
    Really liked your Owens limerick. But since you are revising it, permit me to make a suggestion. In line 3, how about “cheered” rather than “praised”?
    And (forgive me if you don’t like my editing) I would do lines 4 and 5 like this:

    Roosevelt would not shake hands
    With this hero, because he was black.

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    I might just be on the right track.
    So I think I will now take a crack
    At your Hal/Dionne quiz
    Could it be his name is
    That “lover boy” Burt Bach-A Rach?

    (Did I get it?)

  144. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’m still trying to stay right on track.
    With your lim’rik, you’ve taken me back.
    If Hal David is right,
    I will sleep through the night.
    Or go through my old L.P. rack.

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, dear, Clay! You were doing so well.
    “Serve you scones! We are French! Go to ‘ell!”
    You’ve gone way – way – off track.
    Will you ever get back?
    Only time – and rethinking – will tell.

  146. Tony Holmes says:

    Dearest Sjaan;

    Though delighted to hear you survive,
    Could this be why you never arrive?
    Mayhap caffeine attack
    Leads to going off-track?
    Is it wise to take drink while you drive?

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, you’re quite right. We stress the ‘la’ over here, too. i’ll rethink it. Thank you.


    From Mad:

    You’re most welcome.

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    “Hello, Siri! How are we today?
    Please find Sjaan – she’s got lost on her way.”
    “GPS is the key.
    Triple A? A St B’?”
    “Let’s send both – and throw in a bouquet.”


    From Mad:
    Your “quet” is of course oKAY.

  149. Tony Holmes says:

    Hey, Rudely!

    Ah! Poor Lili. The cruellest of fates.
    (There’s an app now to keep track of plates.)
    They’re not over, these things,
    Till the fat lady sings.
    Now the scales, and her public, a-weights.

  150. Terry Marter says:

    Hi Rudy,
    well done on finding a singer with those (MF) initials, – you really shouldn’t go to all that trouble on my account.
    Again, I was aware of the Mother/Son thing, as you accurately pointed out. If I had used BS (Brother/Sister) it would have made no sense, and I’m sure it would have been interpreted by all as “Bull Shit”! That also would have made no sense.
    I tend not to let the facts get in the way of a good story (which was not really about the relationship stuff anyway). After all, it’s primarily a Limerick, not a history lesson.

  151. Tony Holmes says:


    Your preference for stray over latte had nothing to do with the brandy – did it? (St B – St Bernard) perhaps subliminally? (Just teasing)

    From Mad:

    LOL!, but no. For the record, I’m a Hennessy Cognac and cappuccino kinda gal.

  152. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tourist Season In D.C. during Trump Administration

    Hey Jim, will ‘ya look at that crowd?
    Of our city, I’m so very proud.
    Do you see that big sign,
    With the smartphone design?
    It says, “Shooting The Tourists: Allowed”

  153. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Way to go, Lisi and Rudy — I’ve got your bach-arach. (So, now There’s One Less Bell to Answer).

    I was Wishin’ and Hopin’ to start
    that Anyone Who Had a Heart
    would not Walk On By,
    but give it a try.
    (It takes more than a phone to be smart)

  154. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: another one from the “Dionne” era
    “Pass The Biscuits”

    It sure ain’t about Choctaw Ridge.
    It’s more about what’s in the fridge.
    In this very sad track,
    The town people lack
    The point of his jumpin’ the bridge.

  155. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: Dusty Springfield and Dionne Warwick?

    Just wishin’ and hopin’ won’t work.
    You’re dealing with one clueless jerk.
    Get on the right track,
    And begin your “attack”
    You can’t sit around and just lurk.

    He’d know if he looked at the “chart”,
    That he lacks a compassionate heart.
    He’s on the wrong track.
    Girl, never look back.
    Find someone who’s kindly and smart.

    Now why be in love with a guy
    Who makes you break down and then cry?
    Do not grab your phone,
    You’ll just feel more alone,
    Cause he’ll give you that old bye and bye.

  156. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:


    Gentry’s Billie Joe ode merely mocks,
    But what’s thrown from the bridge clearly shocks,
    When sleuths happen to track,
    In a bulging backpack,
    Mama’s biscuits, all harder than rocks.

  157. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Thanks, Tony, but FTD doesn’t deliver in this area code

    I’m stuck on an old railroad track
    With heat rash and cramps in my back.
    There’s sludge in my throttle;
    I drink from a bottle
    I found in a brown paper sack.

  158. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: still laughing at your biscuit reference
    Here’s another 60’s song:

    The climate up here sure ain’t great.
    Can this weather be truly my fate?
    Looking out at that track,
    Makes me wanna’ go pack.
    And bounce to that warm Golden state.

  159. Clay Wild says:

    Wrote a homophone ode for debt owed
    Tried to woo, but the seed wasn’t sowed…
    Coax with cokes, I made haste
    Chased the girl, who seemed chaste
    The coward then cowered – she was beau-ed!

  160. Clay Wild says:

    Homophones lead to boos (or just booze…)
    They’re allowed, read aloud, so infuse…
    Put a bow on your beau
    Is a friend a faux foe?
    At the zoo, oh those gnus – front page news!

  161. Clay Wild says:

    9-1-1 homophone call – a BALM!?!
    So the cops searched the copse with aplomb
    But the (s)itch was defused
    And the contents diffused
    Aloe spread with a palm restored calm!

  162. Clay Wild says:

    Tony H, will you settle for toast?
    I’ll phone you, set the date, and then host
    Like your eggs over easy?
    Mine are scrambled and cheesy
    We’ll toast YOU, pinky out, a light ‘roast’…

  163. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    One scary result of trying to rhyme “recording industry” with “telephonics,”
    “Dusty Springfield,” and “Nortman”:

    Some musical tracks become timeless,
    While phones, it turns out, have gone dimeless….
    (It’s just as I feared,
    This lim’rick is weird.
    But at least the damn thing isn’t rhymeless).

  164. Terry Marter says:

    I committed a crime on the poor.
    A device was attached by the law,
    to my foot. It befitted
    the crime I committed,
    ‘twas the Foot that had kicked down their door.

    With remorse for my crime (now I’m nice)
    I hacked into their tracking device.
    Certain skills with my phone
    makes them think I’m stuck home
    But I’ve just roamed to Rome and back, – Twice!

  165. Terry Marter says:

    Re above limerick. In my neck of the woods pronunciation is Por and Lor.

  166. Tim James says:

    A tart who lives down by the track
    Had a tight little bod that’s gone slack.
    Many clients have said
    That in bed she’s been dead.
    It appears that she’s losing the knack.

  167. Lisi Nortman says:

    The smartphones have won world renown.
    I catch sight of them all over town.
    But the young folks won’t feel
    The pleasure and zeal
    Of something called “Slamming It Down”

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    Get a “deal” so that you can afford
    A smartphone, (you’ll never be bored.)
    You’ll just love it, but still,
    You won’t know the thrill
    Of something called, “Twirling The Cord”

  169. Clay Wild says:

    So I pulled out my dusty 8-track
    Played a sad song that took me waaay baaack…
    “All that ‘luck’ that I had
    Was decidedly ‘bad’…”
    Killin’ Time, Bad Goodbye, with Clint Black

  170. Mark Totterdell says:

    There was a young man from St Blazey,
    And he did some odd stuff but it’s hazy.
    (I would get this one back
    On the right kind of track
    But I’m feeling incredibly lazy.)

  171. Rudy Landesman says:

    So, you’ve eaten another Big Mac
    With some fries and a coke as a snack?
    And you’ve got indigestion?
    May I make a suggestion?
    Stay far from that fast food McTrack.

  172. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oh dear, it appears I’ve lost track
    Of that bottle of good Apple Jack
    To make a “Jack Rose”,
    The cocktail I chose,
    To toast the old times of way back.

  173. Terry Marter says:

    Phoned my shrink ‘bout my troubles and strife.
    He advised me to start a new life.
    “Seek out mountains and streams
    with the girl of your dreams”
    I flew Out the next Day, – with his wife!

  174. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Mad,
    I submitted this to AWAD (without the phone) early yesterday. O.K. with you?

    I phoned my old shrink many times
    Spending more than just nickels and dimes.
    With Freudian quixotry
    He promised to fix for me
    My constant obsession with rhymes.

    From Mad:
    That’s not a problem.

  175. Bob Turvey says:

    When I first heard the word HOMOphone
    I imagined a GAY ringing tone.
    But I then realised
    It was not as surmised …
    There’s no homonym of homophone!

  176. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An old lecher who knew no chagrin,
    Became bored with original sin.
    So he pondered, “What next?
    Ah! Unlimited text!”
    Now he’s happy just phoning it in.

  177. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Lisi — Enjoying your “Golden State” limerick (limeriddle?)

    It’s the sixties — see Mama Cass beamin’!
    Look — the Golden Gate Bridge is still gleamin!
    Trains, not tents, on the track,
    And the foothills aren’t black.
    California! (I must have been dreamin’).

  178. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan, more obscure

    “Another California Dream”

    As a boy, I would sit by the track,
    And wait for that clickity clack.
    I’d dream about farms
    And a girl in my arms.
    (Years ago) but my mind travels back.

  179. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Thanks to Rudy my brain is off track,
    For his word of the day set me back.
    The “Key” in Quixote
    Is “Quicks” paired wit OH-tree?
    This quonundrum I can’t seem to crack.

    Plus, the accented part will mean trouble,
    Should I lean on an unsound syll-ubble.
    If I fall on my head,
    With my phone pronouncd dead,
    All my efforts will end up in rubble.

  180. Rudy Landesman says:

    There’s a ghost who does haunt Elsinore,
    And Scotland has witches galore.
    What kind of a hack
    Did fall off some track
    To write stuff like this to deplore?

  181. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Sjan,
    Thank for your response with a really good pair of limericks. To ease your concerns about my posting check this out:
    noun: Absurdly chivalrous, idealistic, or impractical ideas or behavior.
    After Don Quixote, hero of the eponymous novel by Miguel de Cervantes (1547-1616). Earliest documented use: 1703.

  182. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who Remembers?

    Now why do the people assume
    Not having a phone equals doom?
    To the window, you walk,
    And still have a nice talk,
    By shouting, “Yoo Hoo, Mrs. Bloom”

  183. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Lisi (re “another California dream) —

    Since my answer is taking so long,
    I’m in fear that I’ll soon hear a “Gong!” —
    Yes, I’m at my wit’s end;
    Still, I won’t phone a friend.
    Might the answer be Jim’s “Railroad Song”?

  184. madkane says:

    From Mad:
    For Rudy (and Sjaan) (and anyone else interested in hard-to-rhyme words.)

    Since you’re discussing the pronunciation of quixotry in Rudy’s limerick, I feel compelled, Rudy, to point out that “quixotry” does NOT rhyme with “fix for me.”

    Why not? Because the rhyming rule is that when a limerick line doesn’t end with a stressed syllable, the final stressed syllable must rhyme, and everything that follows it must be identical. So, for example, Quixotry would rhyme with the non-existent words Fixotry, Mixotry, or Tricksotry.

    To give you another example, Rhyming rhymes with Timing. It does NOT rhyme with Rhyme Ring. By the same token, Willful rhymes with Skillful. It does NOT rhyme with Skill bull.

    For more on this topic, see the last few paragraphs of my article on limerick writing, which you can find here:

  185. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Mad,
    Your comments are absolutely correct. But I will plead for my (albeit, not perfect) rhyme.
    FIX for me
    I could find no real rhyme for quixotry, but I think I got pretty close.


    From Mad:

    Hi Rudy:
    Sorry but your plea must fall on deaf ears.
    I’m afraid that your attempt at a quixotry rhyme is so far away, it’s in another country.

    If you can’t rhyme a word properly, than your only recourse is to use it internally … or not at all.


  186. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    (Mad, I’m so glad you feel compelled to teach, and I’m glad that I’m still logged in (on?) to read about rhyming rules. Your examples, “skill bull” and “rhyme ring” make me not simply LOL, but really laugh out loud! Still, I hope it’s okay to submit the following since I had already penned it prior to reading your comments. Also, I wonder if some of these tilting-at-windmills kinds of words might even rhyme. A little?)

    For Rudy:

    So if rhymo-obsessos must strive
    To find substance on which to survive,
    Then your slick kwix-suh-tree
    Was a quick fix-fuh-me.
    (Cf. Hart, “To Keep My Love Alive”).

    BTW: I love the Ella Fitzgerald rendition of the above song


    From Mad:
    I’m glad my examples of bad rhymes amused you.

    While your pair of nonsense words in this limerick don’t rhyme if kwix and fix are the stressed syllables, you have in fact forced a meter shift, such that the final syllable of each nonsense word is stressed. And since tree and me are now the stressed syllables, you have in fact rhymed those lines properly.

  187. Rudy Landesman says:

    Yes, (KWICK-su-tree) IS a weird word,
    One I’d NEVER before even heard.
    It’s quixotic to think
    That I’m not wasting ink
    in trying my loins thus to gird.


    From Mad:

    Nice fix!

  188. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Well, I can use the advice. This poor old jalopy is shifting too many gears as it is. I like Rudy’s fix. The meter is smooth and easy to read. I’ll let all of this sink in for now. Thanks!

    From Mad:

    You’re very welcome.

  189. Lisi Nortman says:

    right again, Sjaan! Let’s try another one:

    His schtick started out on a phone.
    “Fore that he was mostly unknown.
    But his button-down mind
    Was one of a kind.
    He spoke in a real deadpan tone.

  190. Lisi Nortman says:

    Changing Tenses:

    His schtick started out on a phone.
    ‘Fore that, he was mostly unknown.
    But that button-down mind
    Is one of a kind.
    He speaks in a real deadpan tone.

  191. Terry Marter says:

    In a line from the sun (near the back)
    Is a planet of which I keep track.
    Some call it Ur’Anus
    Ironic’ly famous,
    Cuz methane sneaks out from each crack.

  192. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Lisi. (I was a fan of this man/And the BN show./But it feels like many moons ago. :)

    Shelly Berman once said with a frown,
    “Although Newhart might act buttoned-down,
    I just wish I had known
    Not to lend him my phone,
    Because now he’s the talk of the town!”

  193. Terry Marter says:

    Do your Limerick gems tend to slew
    Toward tales indisputably true?
    Or send readers off track
    With a “fact” that’s a hack
    While you Hope that they won’t have a clue.

  194. Lisi Nortman says:

    Enough of these implications that I’m old !! (LOL)

    All you “limrickers” think you’re so wise!
    But I still use my ears and my eyes!
    And I happened to own
    The latest smartphone.
    And my ring tone is “Little White Lies”

  195. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For MAD: On Learning Limerick Lessons

    Note to self: keep your meter on track;
    Never let your rhymes get out of whack;
    Let thy words make thee proud;
    (There’s no “twin talk” allowed);
    Hitting “SEND” means you can’t take it back.

  196. Lisi Nortman says:

    Let’s make that a double
    “How Dare You Imply That I’m Old?” (LOL)

    All you “lim’rickers” think you’re so wise!
    And I’m ready to say my “goodbyes.”
    Well, I happened to own
    The latest smartphone.
    And my ring tone is “Little White Lies”

    I’m not old, cause I still love romance!
    All the fellas still give me a glance!
    And I happened to own
    The latest smartphone
    And my ringtone is “Ten Cents A Dance”

  197. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.)

  198. Lisi Nortman says:

    The grille on my car is all chrome.
    I use my old black teasing comb.
    That “voice mail’s” confusing!
    And very bemusing.
    Does that beep mean that no one is home?

  199. Fred Bortz says:

    I know I am on the right track
    Deploring our national lack
    Of political will
    To protest those who drill.
    With gusto, I swear, “What the frack?”

  200. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 470. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Set.