Limerick-Off Award (469)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A young bride had her wedding gown planned:
She’d create it herself — make it grand!
To her groom she said, “You’ll
Help me stiffen the tulle.”
He said, “Sure, I can do it by hand.”

Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Special ZOO-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

In the zoo, an old elephant, Ernie,
Long deprived of his freedom to journey
By the bars on his cage,
Was so maddened by rage,
He demanded to see his attorney.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Rudy Landesman, Terry Marter, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sondra Landin, Roger Haugen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Steve Benko, Mark Totterdell, Brian Allgar, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Tim James:

She’s a baker; her son is a fool.
(Bluntly stated, he’s not a sharp tool.)
She caught him one day
In her kitchen, at play:
“Hey, a Frisbee that ain’t! It’s a boule!”

Rudy Landesman:

Poor Oliver Twist ate his gruel.
That watery slop was the tool
To keep kids in line.
Did Oliver whine?
What the Dickens, that kid was no fool.

Terry Marter:

When the trash man drank all his wife’s gin
His chance of survival was thin.
She diced up the fool
With a very sharp tool
But he still wouldn’t fit in the bin.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

One tool that I use when I polish
My lim’ricks is handy and smallish.
Using lead as its fuel,
It’s a rubber-tipped tool,
With two settings: “Rub Out” and “Demolish.”

Sondra Landin:

The little girl perched on a stool,
So prettily dressed in blue tulle,
And now how would she do?
Would they clap, would they boo?
She played and soon wowed the whole school!

Tim James:

Said a gal to her guy: “Though you’re cool,
I like circumcised men, as a rule.”
He’s not keen on it, but
He’s agreed to get cut.
Thus their love life he’s gonna re-tool.

Roger Haugen:

The porn king sat down on the stool
And whipped out his thirteen-inch tool;
The girls were in shock–
The sight of his cock
Was enough to make all of them drool.

Lisi Nortman:

I write limericks ev-er-y day.
With words, I consistently play.
But I do use a tool.
To make them sound cool:
I hammer and hammer away.

Steve Benko:

“For digging up graves,” said the ghoul,
“This shovel is too minuscule.
For cadaver retrieval,
It’s truly medieval;
A backhoe is my kind of tool.”


Terry Marter:

The mysterious unicorn’s fate.
Has for years been a cause for debate.
Never seen in a zoo,
The researchers best clue
Is that Noah declared they taste great.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

At the petting zoo, there in the crowd,
Stood a boy looking gloomy and cowed.
“Go on, touch them,” I said,
To which he shook his head,
“There’s a sign that says, ‘no pets allowed.’”

Lisi Nortman:

Although the zoo culture forbids
Divorce, they were still on the skids.
Through all kinds of weather,
The Goats stayed together,
But only because of the kids.

Mark Totterdell:

When the animals down in the zoo
Want to do what all animals do,
They have nowhere to meet
Private, safe and discreet,
So they do it right there in full view.

Brian Allgar:

A gorilla with bright orange skin
And a vast hippopotamus chin,
A rhinoceros rump …
It’s the one-man zoo, Trump!
(Did I mention his crocodile grin?)

Kirk Miller:

All the doves that are housed at the zoo
Are upset and decide to pursue
A revolt; overthrow
The zookeepers, so
The doves will be staging a coo.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

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