Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: COLD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Jan. 16, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using COLD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to KNITTING, SEWING, and/or OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best KNITTING, SEWING, and/or OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 17, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my COLD-rhyme limerick:

A lamb on the lam disappeared;
“I’ll be eaten for dinner,” it feared.
But when found, wet and cold,
“You’re not food,” it was told.
“But we DO need our weeds and brush cleared.”

And here’s my KNITTING, SEWING, & OTHER NEEDLEWORK CRAFTS-themed limerick:

I’m begging: Don’t ask me to knit,
Cuz whatever I make, it won’t fit.
I am dreadful at “throwing.”
The same goes for sewing.
(But my nitpicking’s often a hit.)

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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133 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: COLD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Jan. 16, 2021)”

  1. Paul Haebig says:

    My husband thinks outside the box.
    His footwear? It’s unorthodox.
    His choices are bold
    but they leave his toes cold;
    which is why he wears socks with his Crocs!

  2. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Bad news,” said the doctor, dismayed,
    As the craft teacher’s X-rays displayed:
    “Though the six weeks have passed,
    I can’t take off your cast,
    ‘Cause the bones haven’t knit. They’ve… crocheted!”

  3. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Why, how dare you!” the golf student told
    Off her coach, for his very lewd hold.
    “Just correcting your stance…”
    “Pressed against me? No chance!”
    “Well, you’re right… but my willy was cold.”

  4. Michael P Moulton says:

    In an attitude scathing and cold
    Jim Jordan, a self-righteous scold,
    Said our founders would never,
    Back closures, however,
    They’re dead so they cannot be polled.

  5. Michael P Moulton says:

    The notion that Trump’s soul was sold,
    To Putin is really quite old,
    His loss means a pickle,
    For the hammer and sickle,
    So they may bring him in from the cold.

  6. Bob Turvey says:

    “Now look here,” said Lady du Platt,
    “I will not have you playing with that.
    It’s wrinkled and old
    And your fingers are cold
    And your antics have upset the cat.”

  7. Bob Turvey says:

    There was a young lady called Sewel
    Who embroidered her smalls on a stewel.
    When she punctured her eye
    She gave out a cry:
    “Oh needle! Why are you so crewel?”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Her makeup was startlingly bold;
    Her mascara had slipped, and had rolled
    All over the place.
    “What d’you think of my face?”
    Her husband said “Baby, it’s kohled!”

  9. John Shardlow says:

    During bonking, a husband called Flynn
    Was shamed ‘cos his willy was thin
    The wife’s sleight was unwitting
    She carried on knitting
    Said, “Its hard to know when it’s in”!

  10. Kirk Miller says:

    In the kitchen he wanted to boff her.
    Satisfaction he tried to proffer.
    She replied, “I am sold,
    But the floor is too cold.”
    So he made her a counter-offer.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    A letter to “Chief” I’m submitting.
    It states that “This job I am quitting.
    And here is just why
    We must say, “Good Bye”
    This job interferes with my knitting”

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    There are times when I just lose control.
    But hubby knows how to console
    Me. He gives me old socks.
    And then my world rocks.
    Sewing holes, without fail, mends my soul.

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    All neighbors, come out and behold
    The snow is so dazzling, like gold.
    (A refreshing brisk day)
    And I sure have to say:
    “This weather is so f****’in’ cold”.


  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    Her husband just loved and adore’er.
    But night and day always implore’er
    “Dear, you’ve got M.P.D.
    Please see Doctor Lee,
    ‘Bout your Multiple Project Disorder”.

  15. Paul Haebig says:

    The village on earth that’s most cold
    is Oymyakon, where, I’m told,
    you’ll find your breath freezes
    before the word “Jesus!”
    can make it past one vocal fold.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    In crafting, across generations,
    There are oodles of great presentations.
    And no one can make
    A single mistake,
    (Only in’tresting unique creations).

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    another one

    In crafting across generations,
    We’ve seen many great presentations.
    And no “crafter” can make
    One single mistake
    They’re merely real diff’rent creations.

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    You will probably noticed that in the limerick from today at 4:24 PM,
    I wrote,
    adore’er and implor’er I meant adord’er and implored’er

    Can you please change those mistakes for me?
    Thank you,

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hello! It’s your Prof, Mr. Scold.
    Years ago. Stole your gloves. I was cold.
    ‘Wanna send a nice gift
    To my friend, Mr. Swift.
    Will you help to find them? They’re gold”.

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump’s taking lessons in sewing;
    It’s tough, but the stitches are flowing.
    Though it makes his hands bleed,
    It’s a skill he will need
    For the mailbags where he will be going.

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald threatened and whined and cajoled,
    But Brad told him, “The count was threefold;
    The votes you insist
    That I find, don’t exist –
    The election results are stone-cold.”

  22. In September I welcomed some cold.
    By December it’s long gotten old.
    Now call me naive,
    but I just wanted leaves,
    not mountains of ice to behold!

  23. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    I stitched him a jacket of leather,
    With patches of wool for cold weather.
    I could not place the trace
    Of that look on his face…
    but his brows kind of knitted together.

  24. Tim James says:

    I resolved to give knitting a try,
    But I’m clumsy. It all went awry.
    I got tangled in yarn
    And — oh heck and gosh darn —
    A needle near put out my eye.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rhyming Error! from 1/3 at 1:16 PM

    There are times that I just lose control.
    But hubby knows how to cajole
    Me. (gives me old socks)
    And then my world rocks.
    Sewing holes, without fail, mends my soul.

  26. Tony Holmes says:

    Refined anarchist?

    I have never been one to obey –
    Rules are made to be broken – they say.
    Do you do as you’re told?
    Ugh! The thought leaves me cold.
    I would much rather go my own way.

    Of course, anarchy isn’t allowed.
    Does that mean I must follow the crowd?
    That would make me a drone.
    Eagles fly all alone.
    Not stand offish, just proud and unbowed.

  27. Tony Holmes says:

    “Isn’t knitting a manly pursuit?
    One is never quite sure. The point’s moot.
    But whenever the cold
    Settles in and takes hold,
    I knit something that’s warming.” “How cute!”

  28. Sue Dulley says:

    A young man from Stow-on-the-Wold
    Refused to do what he was told,
    Met some friends at the pub,
    They moved on to a club
    And caught Covid, Swine flu and a cold.

  29. Sue Dulley says:

    A stitch in time (some say) saves nine,
    Which doesn’t quite rhyme, but that’s fine.
    So before it gets worse
    I will sew up this verse
    Just by adding this fifth and last line.

  30. Sue Dulley says:

    She longed to wear clothes that were bold,
    Even daring, risque’ , truth be told,
    But she really felt better
    In jeans and a sweater –
    It’s hard to look hot when you’re cold.

  31. Tony Holmes says:

    A Response To Sue’s Above.

    “Unmet longings? They’ll have their own way.
    Best to give them their head than fall prey.
    Take a risqu’ and be bold.
    Dare to live – sod the cold!
    If you’re hot you’ll get warmed on the day.”

    “Unmet longings must out in the end,
    Or you’ll surely end up round the bend.
    Best not leave it too late.
    Mutton dressed up as bait …?
    Don’t let that be your fate. Buck the trend.”

  32. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    On the stump grumpy Trump (so it’s told),
    Grumbled, “Freezing my ass off gets old.”
    Maybe if he hangs tough,
    He’ll end up soon enough,
    In that place where it NEVER gets cold.

  33. Jean McEwen says:

    The prep room is climate controlled
    (As essential to keep the stiffs cold).
    But the pipes have been leaking,
    And something’s now reeking.
    Look here on this corpse–there is mold!

  34. Jean McEwen says:

    Last winter, committed to knit
    Lambswool mittens cold hands might befit,
    I kept dropping my stitches,
    Creating new glitches–
    So ceding defeat, I just quit.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Crafters: Stuff All Over !!

    A professional crafter must know
    The motto of ev-e ry pro:
    If you can’t find the paint,
    There’s no reason to faint,
    Though you had it 2 seconds ago.

    A professional crafter must know
    The motto of ev-e-ry pro:
    If you can’t find the glue,
    Don’t cry and get blue,
    Though you had it 2 seconds ago.

    A professional crafter must know
    The motto of ev-e-ry pro:
    If you can’t find the clay,
    Do not feel dismay,
    Though you had it 2 seconds ago.

    A professional crafter must know
    The motto of ev-e-ry pro:
    If you’ve misplaced the yarn,
    Don’t give up and say, Darn !
    Though you had it 2 seconds ago.

    A professional crafter must know
    The motto of ev-e-ry pro:
    If you shape origami
    While eating salami
    It’ll smell like a real dirty toe.

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband says, “Summer is hell”.
    Claims all of his body parts swell.
    But when it is cold,
    (or so I’ve been told)
    Mr. Turtle climbs back in his shell.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s so hot in here, I could just die.
    The temperature’s making me cry.
    What? Now I am cold?
    Well, lo and behold,
    My mother-in-law just passed by.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    When happy, my gladness increases.
    When sad, all that gladness decreases.
    As we quilters all know,
    We must reach that plateau
    When gladness means going to pieces.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh, please do not buy anymore
    Dumb stuff at that stupid craft store.
    So much crap’s in this house,
    Just to make one damn blouse,
    That each night I’ve been sleeping next door.

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slight modification of a previous limerick from 1/3 at 12:09 PM
    This one’s better.

    A letter to “Chief” I’m submitting.
    It states that, “Today, I’ll be quitting
    And here is just why
    I must say, “Good Bye”
    This job interferes with my knitting”.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    above limerick: line 3: which says, “And here is just why”
    I have changed it on Facebook to “If you’re wondering why”
    I feel that is better grammar.

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    Boys are naughty but can be quite nice,
    Though, when older, much given to vice.
    Girls will sometimes withhold,
    By turns, shy and then bold,
    Blowing hot and then cold – that’s the spice.

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    In the ecstasy of creation, I forgot the rules – plonker! (Please delete the above, Mad. Thank you.)

    Boys are naughty but can be quite nice,
    Though, when older, they’re given to vice.
    Blowing hot and then cold,
    Girls will sometimes withhold,
    By turns, shy and then bold – that’s the spice.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    Manly knitting – what might that entail?
    Knitting socks while you languish in jail?
    Or at sea, while you pitch?
    Careful! Don’t drop that stitch!
    Never mind that it’s blowing a gale.

  45. Tony Holmes says:

    As a knitter, I’m clicking all day.
    Yes, I knit in the old-fashioned way.
    On occasion, I darn –
    Mending socks with spare yarn –
    And, relaxing, I take up crochet.

  46. Tim James says:

    Santa asked, pleaded, begged, and cajoled;
    In response, though, his missus was bold:
    “Me, get naked in here?
    It’s the Arctic, my dear!”
    It’s a drag when your gal is so cold.

  47. Tim Gray says:

    I was knitting, pearl and then plain
    As the guillotine came down like rain.
    Shouted Robespierre
    From way over there,
    “It stuck, well do him again.”

  48. Tim Gray says:

    In the hours after work he’ll
    Join in with a knitting circle.
    And as the lone male
    He never does fail
    To “knit” with one young Miss Merkle.

  49. Tim Gray says:

    He said he liked a good yarn
    So was asked to come to the farm.
    He was rather unwitting
    As their yarn was for knitting
    Not for a show in their barn.

  50. Tim Gray says:

    White marble’s too modern and cold,
    My favourite décor looks old.
    So what that I shout
    “Rip all the stuff out,
    Burn it, replace it with gold.”

  51. Tim Gray says:

    The Senate House Leader named Mitch
    If female, would be labelled a bitch.
    He’s sour and he’s cold
    And he’s fat and he’s old
    He just caters for his friends, the Rich.

  52. Tim Gray says:

    In the Senate, if Pence doesn’t fold
    He’ll find himself out in the cold
    And well see that Trump changed
    From friend to deranged
    Spitting venom that’ll do more than scald.

  53. Tim Gray says:

    He’s big and he’s brash and he’s bold
    And he’s got some of GOP as his fold.
    Will he manage to squirm
    Into his second term
    Or will he be out in the cold?

  54. Tim Gray says:

    Please don’t throw me out in the cold
    Though Joe Biden’s won, so I’m told.
    I seem to confuse
    The real and fake news,
    Remember I’m senile and old.

  55. Tim Gray says:

    Don’t sit there hissing and spitting
    Though you do stick to your knitting!
    You’re a con and a sham
    You’re whole life is flimflam
    Is that a Presidential image that’s fitting?

  56. Tim Gray says:

    If we can’t know how they all polled
    Then some folks will be hungry and cold.
    Well what the heck
    That they’ll get a small cheque…
    Not my fault the Dems will not fold.

  57. Tim Gray says:

    I think it’s abundantly clear,
    No silk purse from a sow’s ear…
    Is not my fault.
    I’m not the dolt,
    But this useless sewing machine here.

  58. Tim Gray says:

    With regard to Trump’s claims I’m sold
    And quite willing to do what I’m told.
    I’ll march on Capitol Hill
    And maybe blood spill
    Quite calmly, collected and cold.

  59. Tim Gray says:

    Following action that’s clearly unwinnable
    At what point is Trump declared criminal?
    While some call for quiet
    Trump calls for a riot
    Overtly and in no way subliminal.

  60. Tim Gray says:

    Regarding what has transpired,
    Trump won’t be loved and admired.
    All those in his fold
    Will throw him out in the cold
    Shouting, “Donald! You’re FIRED!”

  61. Tim Gray says:

    You’ve only yourself to blame
    Electing a President who’s all about fame.
    What next should unfold
    Is a cell, dark and cold,
    To show that he lost the end game.

  62. Doug Harris says:

    Way back when was a war known as ‘cold’,

    When Soviet doctrine patrolled.

    Now it’s Facebook and Twitter

    Control Trump’s transmitter

    And his words of great wisdom withhold.

  63. Tim James says:

    A bucket of ice cream had rolled
    Off the shelf of the freezer, I’m told.
    A stock boy named Joe
    Was laid low by the blow.
    You could say that it knocked him out cold.

  64. Tony Holmes says:

    “Chilly Willy, of Stowe-On-The-Wold,”
    As he styled himself, thinking him bold.
    Ladies browsing his ad’
    Thought, ‘Uh-oh! Jack the lad,’
    And as one left him out in the cold.

  65. Tony Holmes says:

    Bad day on the links, dear?

    There are some things best served very cold.
    Beer and ice-cream; revenge – I was told.
    But my temper was hot
    When I strangled the clot
    Who had whistled each time he had holed.

  66. Terry Marter says:

    Social media giants of old,
    circled wagons, – Trump’s out in the cold.
    They canceled his credit, –
    even banned him from Reddit.
    and they won’t accept cash or hard gold.

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    “Why is knitting so dangerous, Dad?
    Is it naughty, or worse, really bad?”
    “No. The danger, my son,
    Is, you’ll have too much fun,
    And your mother will likely get mad.”

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    Knitters have their own slang, it turns out.
    Now I ask you – what’s that all about?
    SABLE means, ‘Stashed for life’.
    YARNIE: loves yarn – the wife –
    And then SEX, which is shopping, no doubt.

  69. Sharon Neeman says:

    For four years Trump tried to look bold
    As he lied, stole, groped, cheated and trolled;
    Now he quakes, his teeth chatter —
    But “What? What’s the matter?
    I’m NOT scared! It’s winter — I’m cold!”

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    Surving The Experimental Knitter

    I’ve endured holding skeins while she winds,
    And the needles that stab of all kinds:
    But I’m drawing the line
    Now she’s knitting with twine.
    Sisal isn’t for cladding behinds.

  71. Sharon Neeman says:

    A Response to Tony Holmes — and a double-header limerick:

    On the contrary! Lo and behold,
    ‘Twould appear that your lady’s struck gold!
    Wearing twine BVDs,
    No one ever would freeze —
    They’d be far more tormented than cold.

  72. Sharon Neeman says:

    Those two helpdesks have kept me on hold
    For eighty-six minutes, all told!
    Their “Customer Service”
    Is making me nervous.
    I’m done being Macy’d and Kohl’d.

  73. Kirk Miller says:

    My sewing group’s very close-knit.
    They accept me ‘though I’m a misfit.
    We embroider all day,
    While the puns I do say.
    People think I’m a fool — a knit-wit.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    There is just so much crap on display
    In my house, there is quite an array.
    I once threw out a pit.
    And my wife had fit.
    Ever since, I’ve thrown nothing away.

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tried weaving a real cozy rug.
    I thought it would be nice and snug.
    Didn’t buy enough twill.
    But my dog had a chill.
    He’s a pug who’s real snug in the rug.

  76. Daisy Ward says:

    He walked around with a nasty cold
    With his chest out being bold
    He took the Covid shot
    His body ran hot
    Suddenly his face, turned old

  77. Sharon Neeman says:

    “It isn’t the flu or a cold;
    Yet it’s apt to be fatal, I’m told –”
    “What’s that, COVID?” “Oh, please;
    Not that kind of disease!
    I mean hatred that runs uncontrolled.”

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    For Sharon – First Response

    It may be I was hasty, or blind;
    But with so little give, won’t they bind?
    Sure, they’ll scratch any itch –
    Which would offset that glitch –
    But when push comes to shove, are they kind?

  79. Tim Gray says:

    How sad to be Donald Trump,
    A liar, sore loser and grump.
    Now out in the cold,
    Down the river you’re sold.
    No end rousing cheer but a thump.

  80. Tim Gray says:

    Now, the new game is No Trumps.
    They’ll be forever down in the dumps.
    With glamour we were sold,
    Now thrown out in the cold,
    The prognosis, us whole lot are chumps.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Snow White” in a nutshell (sort of)

    Mr. Grumpy could not be controlled.
    Mr. Bashful would always withhold
    His longing for friends.
    And trying new trends.
    Mr. Sneezy of course, had a cold.

    Mr. Happy was cheerful and bold.
    He couldn’t wake Sleepy. (I’m told).
    Doc cured all the sick,
    And Dopey was thick.
    And Sneezy, of course, had a cold.

  82. Sharon Neeman says:

    For Tony – in Response to his First Response

    When push (as you say) comes to shove,
    The plus is: they fit like a glove,
    And they’ll check any thrust
    Of a stirring of lust —
    So prepare for the pure “kind” of love.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    For Sharon – Second, And Fuller, Response

    Ah! I think, now, I see through the mist.
    You think, “Chastity belt – with a twist.”
    A man suitably trussed
    Would eschew thoughts of lust,
    Lest his underwear chasten his list.

    For the young, I applaud the intent,
    But not so for the elderly gent.
    Since his fires have grown cold,
    He is rarely so bold.
    The occasional thrust’s heaven sent.

    And we mustn’t neglect lingerie,
    Lest the PC police look our way.
    Bras in sisal will give
    Good support, but won’t live,
    And they’ll all your passions at bay

  84. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, Mad. I missed a word, now corrected. Please delete the above in favour of this one blow.

    Ah! I think, now, I see through the mist.
    You think, “Chastity belt – with a twist.”
    A man suitably trussed
    Would eschew thoughts of lust,
    Lest his underwear chasten his list.

    For the young, I applaud the intent,
    But not so for the elderly gent.
    Since his fires have grown cold,
    He is rarely so bold.
    The occasional thrust’s heaven sent.

    And we mustn’t neglect lingerie,
    Lest the PC police look our way.
    Bras in sisal will give
    Good support, but won’t live,
    And they’ll hold all your passions at bay

  85. Tony Holmes says:

    Corrections and addendum to the ‘Fuller Response’:

    But we mustn’t neglect lingerie,
    Lest the PC police turn our way.
    Bras in sisal will give
    Good support, but won’t live,
    But they’ll hold all that passion at bay.

    Or a teddy! Now that would be nice
    For those keen on deterring male vice.
    Though a few – filthy swine! –
    Will get off on the twine
    A sound tazing will tell them, “No dice!”

  86. Tony Holmes says:

    Making passionate love in the cold
    Is the norm for Inuit, I’m told.
    When you’re forty below,
    And surrounded by snow,
    What else can you do but grab hold?

  87. Tony Holmes says:

    Or – It came to me as I clicked submit comment.

    Making passionate love in the cold
    Is the norm for Inuit, I’m told.
    When you’re forty below,
    And surrounded by snow,
    The idea doesn’t have to be sold.

  88. Tony Holmes says:

    For Sharon – A Further Thought:

    If by ‘pure kind of love’ you mean chaste,
    One can hardly demur, thus encased.
    Since one must be resigned,
    One is forced to give ‘mind’,
    And ignore all that’s going to waste.

  89. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    Laughed the lass with the long locks of gold,
    “Bigly bears? Oh, who cares? I’ll be bold!”
    She broke in. (What a rush!)
    But found snack food was mush,
    And, to boot, the bears’ beer, barely cold.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    My wife always makes me aware
    When it’s time for another craft’s fair.
    She asks, “What should we buy?”
    And I always reply
    “I don’t know” “Let’s go home” ” I don’t care”.

  91. Tim Gray says:

    Donald’s a loser, never a winner,
    An unmitigated sinner.
    His moods run hot and then cold
    Friend, if you do what you’re told
    Or else he’ll eat you for dinner.

  92. Tim Gray says:

    We’re off to a quilting bee,
    My friend Jemima and me.
    My husband pokes fun…
    “I can’t wait till you’re done.
    It’ll be all patched together, you’ll see.”

  93. Tim Gray says:

    Suggestion for Sharon Neeman re January 3, 2021 at 4:44 am…
    how about the last word being “macraméd”

  94. Tim Gray says:

    Hi Mad,

    You could delete my offering at January 7, 2021 at 7:53 pm as it has nothing to do with either cold or crafts. Woops.


  95. Tim Gray says:

    True story

    When I was much younger, I made
    Craft using string that was frayed.
    They weren’t knitted but knotted
    To hang plants that were potted
    So they’d be artfully displayed.

    I made headband, choker and belt
    So the discerning hippy looked svelte.
    For she who I did adore
    A sleeveless coat to the floor
    Over many a night was dwelt.

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    At the risk of sticking my oar in, Tim – Sharon, of course, will make her own response – and lovely word that it is, “macraméd” won’t scan, being three syllables, whereas, ‘crocheted’ is spot on. (Nine syllable line)

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    For Sharon: A Response To Yours Of The 3rd Inst.

    Cold, Bold Willy? I Don’t Think So!

    Your instructor is falsely accused,
    Though his actions should not be excused.
    But a willy that’s cold
    Cannot hope to be bold,
    As it’s shy and withdrawn – and bemused.

  98. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, Sharon! I misread ‘hold’ for ‘bold’. (Good thing I’m going for an eyetest soon.) It’s a real shame because it would have been a good response. No chance, I suppose, that you could bring it into line? I’ll pay closer attention on the next attempt. LOL X

  99. Tony Holmes says:

    Back On Track.

    Chilly willy makes some uncontrolled,
    Making, ‘normally reticent’, bold.
    Inappropriate deed
    May disguise urgent need.
    What he’s after’s, “Come in from the cold!”

  100. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    Will the Trump Roc go down in defeat,
    Since the Cyber Lords strangled his tweet?
    Feelings run hot and cold,
    As events must unfold —
    Still, the sound of THIS silence is sweet.

  101. Tony Holmes says:

    It is natural, when feeling the chill,
    To seek succour and warmth – and goodwill.
    Should a man become bold
    When he’s feeling the cold,
    Make him welcome. It’s only until …

  102. Steve Benko says:

    Said McConnell, “I’ve stuck to my knitting,
    But Donald, it’s time you were quitting.
    Though Mike Pence and I both
    Have long pledged you our troth,
    In the Senate, your mob had us shitting.”

  103. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    I prowled the terrain — reconnoitering.
    Objective: support for embroidering.
    I scanned hoops, shears, and thread;
    Surveyed needles (with dread).
    And then I got picked up for loitering.

  104. Tim James says:

    A skein turned to me and it said:
    “These results are Fake News! Trump’s ahead!
    It’s sew easy to see
    That he’s won, Perfectly!”
    ‘Twas a painfully dumb Twitter thread.

  105. Steve Benko says:

    All over the bed the two rolled;
    In the end, though, the girl was left cold.
    “He’s tiny,” said Stormy,
    “And God, does he bore me;
    No more will I have in that mold.”

  106. Steve Benko says:

    When you’re willy’s exposed to the cold,
    It will shrivel as though you’ve grown old.
    If you hope to rekindle
    The poor little spindle,
    Be gentle and kind, do not scold.

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    In the great Arctic wastes the Inuit
    Survive – Heaven knows how they do it.
    If it combats the cold,
    It’s more precious than gold,
    Which won’t, and that’s why they eschew it.

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    Under garments, hand-knitted in twine,
    Sold en masse could put vice in decline.
    Guaranteed to correct
    What is pert or erect.
    Briefs and boxers and bras – I’ve got mine.

  109. Rudy Landesman says:

    America, we have been told,
    Has streets that are all lined with gold.
    That’s small consolation
    For those in our nation
    Who huddle and freeze in the cold.

  110. Diane Groothuis says:

    I took up my needle and thread
    To make a nice hat for my head
    But my greatest faux pas
    In these times by far
    Was a baseball cap in a bright red.

  111. B A Dragon says:

    My needle and thread are a waste
    Needlepoint is just fabric defaced
    The job leaves me cold
    But Columbian Gold
    Lets me just leave the project misplaced.

  112. Michael P Moulton says:

    Students who once were enrolled,
    In the Trump University fold,
    Might never pass,
    A real civics class,
    But they have impeachment down cold.

  113. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald knitted his brows. “My positon”,
    He snarled, “On impeachment? Keep wishin’!
    It’s gonna fail, cuz
    If the President does
    It, believe me, it can’t be sedition.”

  114. Steve Benko says:

    Said young Betsy, “Oh, George, please don’t nag,
    For I’m almost done sewing your flag.
    Now, as for my fee,
    Sir, O say can you see
    I’m a widow in need of a shag?”

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of my very messed-up previous limerick: “The Seven Dwarfs”

    Mr. Grumpy could not be controlled.
    Mr. Bashful would always withhold
    His longing for friends,
    And trying new trends.
    And Sneezy, of course, had a cold.

    Mr. Happy was cheerful and bold.
    He couldn’t wake Sleepy, (I’m told)
    Doc cured all the sick,
    And Dopey was thick.
    And poor Sneezy still had that damn cold.

  116. Byron Miller says:

    A lothario’s lust had gone cold
    For a woman of size he’d cajoled;
    Toward ecstasy driven,
    All night, he had striven,
    But never did find the right fold.

  117. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Jack, a drunkard, fell splitting his head,
    But Jill fixed him with needle and thread.
    Both his trauma was mended
    And his drinking was ended
    When she stitched the fool’s scalp to the bed.

  118. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  119. Uncle Bob says:

    There once was a protest so bold,
    With intent that was misplaced and cold.
    My daughter not calm,
    Disallowed to the prom.
    You thought a different limerick would unfold.

  120. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There are water stains, drafts and some mold
    Foundation has cracks, and I’m cold.
    Holes in walls from my spouse
    I hear many a mouse
    And I hope this damn house soon gets sold!

  121. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I don’t care if you’re shiv’ring and cold,
    Don’t come close or get cuddly or bold.
    Put your fingers and thumb
    ‘Round your thingy, you bum,
    If you really need something to hold!

  122. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Was it worth it, this searching for gold
    In the Yukon up north where it’s cold?
    Men gave in to a craving,
    Would start misbehaving,
    Then lose all their savings, I’m told.

  123. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My mother-in-law was so cold,
    She would criticize, judge me and scold.
    Then her son would act rough
    And I’d just had enough
    Sent him back to his gruff momma’s fold.

  124. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    As a kid, I would knit something snuggly.
    I would show it off, acting quite smugly.
    Crooked scarf should still fit
    Not a soul gave a shit
    No one liked it ’cause IT was butt ugly!

  125. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Little Jeannie once knit a bikini.
    It was see-through, and limp like linguine.
    You could see ev’ry lump,
    Ev’ry curve, ev’ry bump
    And the boys grew a pumpin’ zucchini.

  126. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Some old ladies’ club held in a barn
    Would embroider, knit, sew, crochet, darn.
    Their gossip manure
    Made them look immature
    But those grannies could sure spin a yarn!

  127. Tony Holmes says:

    They’ve discovered that D. Litmus-Mould,
    Turns bright blue when the weather turns cold.
    Then from blue he’ll go green,
    Then the two in between,
    Till bright red when the sun turns to gold.

  128. John Shardlow says:

    Is Quasimodo getting too old
    Or is he now just feeling the cold
    He makes no apology
    For flawed campanology
    Says “The bells will have to be have to be tolled”

  129. Charles Simmons says:

    A horny old miner I’m told
    Ran to town with his last bag of gold
    After one night of pleasure
    Full of joys none could measure
    He found his ass out in the cold.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” by Muhammed Ali

    The championship he did hold.
    “I’m the greatest!’ he proudly extolled.
    He stung like a bee.
    We won’t forget he
    Knocked many opponents out cold.

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    Of course it was never foretold.
    Zip nada would make us consoled.
    The black-out abrupt.
    For all did disrupt.
    And the ice cream soup strangely was cold.

  132. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 461. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Locks.

  133. John McLees says:

    John and Mary decided to meet
    And to bike in the nude as a treat
    The action was bold
    But the weather turned cold
    And some body parts stuck to his seat