Limerick-Off Award (454)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Ped’lling London, my good wife and I,
See the Queen’s Guard musicians march by.
They play “Strike Up The Band”
As we bike up The Strand
And we inwardly hear Spooner sigh.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special GAME-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

A fellow who liked to play chess
Put his hand up a pretty girl’s dress.
His ambitions were wrecked
When he found himself checked.
As for mate, he’d no chance of success.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Steve Benko, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Paul Haebig, Cyn, Konrad Schwoerke, Sharon Neeman, Kirk Miller, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Steve Benko:

Thought the card sharp, “A game of strip poker
Will quickly and surely uncloak her.”
But though cheating was banned,
She’d snuck into her hand
Enough aces to beat any joker.


Sjaan VandenBroeder:

An assembly of sharks is called “Shiver”;
And a cluster of cobras a “Quiver”;
Flocked flamingos a “Stand”;
Grouped gorillas a “Band.”
Chickens crossing the highway? “Chopped Liver.”

Tim James:

He’s infected (now, THAT was unplanned)
By the “hoax” that’s been sweeping the land.
Of my thoughts in this case
I’ll reveal not a trace
Lest by Madeleine Kane I get banned.

Brian Allgar:

We were dancing a slow sarabande
When she said: “Would you like one night-stand?”
What I got, though, from Mabel
Was one bedside table,
Which wasn’t quite what I had planned.

Paul Haebig:

The green room provisions this band
Requires are way out of hand:
– No green M&M’s
– Ninety roses (long stems)
– And an altar to worship Ayn Rand.


Unzipping his jeans, Sammy led
Saucy Sally to bed, where he said,
“Although Mom says it’s banned
If I use my own hand,
I figured we’d use yours instead.”

Tim James:

A moron blew seventy grand
On his hair. Doesn’t that beat the band!
As for taxes, evasion
Suits ev’ry occasion.
To primp and to skimp is his brand.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Said my doc, “Eggs and bacon are banned,
And eat nothing prepackaged or canned.
Avoid beer, wine, and malt,
Cut out sugar and salt.
Longer life? See how much you can stand.”

Brian Allgar:

“No mask, like the folk that elected me;
My strong constitution protected me.
But I’m sick, like they planned,
And my rallies are banned –
It musta been Biden infected me!”


Konrad Schwoerke:

I have tried playing tournament Scrabble,
But I suck, so I now merely dabble
In building with piles
Of small lettered tiles—
Voilà!—it’s the Tower of Babel.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Though the Great Game of Golf I shan’t mock,
And its cute dimpled ball I can’t knock,
All that junk in the bag
Is too heavy to drag,
And does nothing but spoil a good walk.

Sharon Neeman:

Wow! A double half twist! Look at that!
If I tried it myself, I’d go splat —
But she climbs ever higher,
Then slides down a wire…
The world is her game. She’s my cat.

Brian Allgar:

I was playing strip-poker one night
With a girl who had bet to the height
On four kings. Well, I knew
My four aces would do.
“I’ll see you”, I said. What a sight!

Kirk Miller:

When I asked a French woman if she
Enjoyed video games, I could see
Her beginning to smile.
She replied to me, “I’ll
Have to say that the answer is Wii.”

Dave Johnson:

Here’s a game that you might like to play:
Imagine you’re far, far away
One decade ago;
There’s an orderly flow.
And Trump hasn’t ruined your day.

Tim James:

He considered it all fun and games
As he cheated with multiple dames.
But the ladies found out
And they turned on the lout.
Now “Mud” is just one of his names.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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6 Responses to “Limerick-Off Award (454)”

  1. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Congrats to all! Thanks, Mad.

  2. He stands ramrod-straight, sober, mute
    But don’t fool yourself, he’s in pursuit
    Of potentials to line up—
    Yep, here’s where you sign up–
    And, voila,you’re a soldier, recruit!

  3. ‘Twas the wrinkliest baby I’d seen
    But I can’t bring myself to be mean!
    So in a neighborly way
    I just heard myself say–
    “My goodness! She looks like a Queen!”

  4. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Love Terry’s Spoonerism! Congrats!

  5. Terry Marter says:

    The medieval bride looked so cute
    In her floating diaphanous suit.
    But a minstrel they hired
    soon had to be fired
    for flooring a guest with his lute!

  6. Terry Marter says:

    I’m deleting lines bawdy but beautiful,
    just to keep Mad Kane’s blog page reputable.
    It’s a boring pursuit
    for words that best suit
    all the prudes who complain they’re not suitable.