Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Fuse or Confuse or Refuse at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 25, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Fuse or Confuse or Refuse at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PLANS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PLAN-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 26, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 25, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my REFUSE-rhyme limerick:

There are times I’m inclined to refuse
To read any national news
Cuz it’s all so depressing
And oh so distressing.
Remember when news could amuse?

And here’s my PLANS-themed limerick:

A fellow was trying to pitch
A plan that would “make us all rich.”
But a glitch in his scheme
Made it clear to the team
He was naught but a get-rich-scheme snitch.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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163 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Fuse or Confuse or Refuse at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 25, 2020)”

  1. Delano Britt says:

    Once I had a plan.
    To become a well-known man.
    It didn’t end too good.
    I don’t know if I’m understood.
    Maybe I still can.

  2. Delano Britt says:

    I once had a plan.
    To make me a married man.
    But the woman didn’t know me.
    Is that confusion in the third-degree.
    Maybe I should get a love ban.

  3. Patrice Stewart says:

    Trumped Up

    ‘Twas an offer some couldn’t refuse.
    Vote for me, and away with your blues:
    Disappear ’em I will
    With this big magic pill!
    Seems his true name’s “Lie, Cheat, and Confuse”
    (He pays off those he’s able to use).

  4. P Diane Schneider says:

    I find I’m addicted to news
    Reporters expound different views
    A virus has spread
    So many are dead
    An awful condition to muse

    I reckon we’ve all got the blues
    We can’t even go sit in pews
    But if we stay home
    Perhaps float a loan
    I do not think we may refuse

    I’m staying home. How about youse?
    The kids they want visits to zoos
    I tell them they can’t
    And then comes the rant
    The anger they have must de-fuse

  5. Patrice Stewart says:

    He Left Me Too

    She sang ’em, the Used-Again Blues
    At her bar as she shared her bad news.
    All who came got to hear
    Whiny talk with their beer;
    Hint that she’s at fault? Lighting a fuse
    (But it’s only her she can confuse)!

  6. Patrice Stewart says:

    After Hours

    Blondie racked ’em and stacked ’em by twos
    At her bar. In the background, the news
    Almost drowned out the rain.
    Far-off thunder again
    As she smiled, burning thoughts lit a fuse.

    The key turned in the lock, no surprise
    When black leather strode in. Widened eyes
    Took in pants, boots, fly down…
    Grin, hands pulled out a gown
    Of pink silk, matching mask. “Babe, your size!

    I had other plans, but we’ll make do,”
    As he spread out a picnic for two.
    TV off, jukebox on;
    They ate, loved. Her hot Sean
    Brought the storm inside. Sex wild and new :)

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    What do you call a group of people who attempt to overthrow democracy?

    Their plan to suppress votes in the nation,
    Democracy’s annihilation,
    Has earned for the SCOTUS
    The new name of TOTUS –
    A Terrorist Organization.

  8. Sharon Neeman says:

    The Day The Doors Opened, September 2020:

    The plan was to clean up the house,
    Lose weight, and get close to my spouse.
    Six months later, of course,
    We’re about to divorce,
    And I look like a filthy, fat louse.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald’s miracle cure

    “Here’s the treatment you should not refuse:
    Chloroquine is the stuff you must use!
    (Besides, I’ve got shares.)
    Your life? Hey, who cares?
    Believe me, you’ve nothing to lose.”

  10. Doug Harris says:

    Not as it seams …

    My tailor is apt to confuse
    (Dead straight and most honest his muse)
    He loves tartan (a fact)
    Straight and loyal his pact
    But he keeps on mis-spelling those trues.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Wedding Ceremony

    “This woman shall wear pricey shoes
    Don’t confess that it gives you the blues
    Your love will not perish
    Do you promise to cherish
    Your bride?” “What? hell no! I refuse”

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    Once again, Mr. Groom tries to find the perfect wife. (as the preacher changes line 2)

    “This woman shall wear pricey shoes
    And all of your money, she’ll use
    Your love shall not perish
    Do you promise to cherish
    Your bride?” ” What? hell no! I refuse!

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doctor’s Orders

    “Ms. Blimpy, I’ve got real bad news
    It’s 300 pounds you must lose”
    “Doc, I get what you say
    But I love “Milky Way”
    So I have to declare, “I refuse!”

  14. Kirk Miller says:

    The Lego Corp. hopes that it can
    Avoid going bankrupt, a man
    On the news said today.
    And they’ll do it this way:
    They’ll use a restructuring plan.

    The plan’s been embraced with much zeal,
    And seems to have earned wide appeal.
    They’re rebuilding in style,
    And are using their guile.
    I think it’s a blockbuster deal.

  15. Tim James says:

    He had planned on a cruise, the poor schlub.
    Then the virus came. Ay, there’s the rub.
    He is now quite bereft.
    There’s but one option left:
    That’s to play with toy boats in the tub.

  16. Caram Beri says:

    I went on a luxury cruise
    With gourmet cuisine and much booze
    A virus hit us all
    And that was our fall
    For docking the ports all refuse.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:


    A “dream hole” lets in the fresh air
    But please make your sweetkins aware
    That you will not confuse
    Many words you might use
    Cause Miss Prissy declines to strip bare

  18. Caram Beri says:

    I love to confound and confuse
    To cheat and to lie and to schmooze
    Now I got me a job
    That allows me to rob
    And slander whoever I choose.

  19. Caram Beri says:

    Eugene made a wonderful plan
    To win an award in cool Cannes
    His plans were too fraught
    And came to a naught
    So now he’s a-dancing with fan.

  20. Caram Beri says:

    Eugene made a wonderful plan
    To win an award in cool Cannes
    His plans were too fraught
    They all came to naught
    So now he’s a-dancing with fan.

  21. Emile Zola,in memorable French
    Was not standing up for some wench
    When he wrote “J’Accuse!”
    Which became a lit fuse
    And historically proved him a mensch

  22. Gary Heathcote says:

    “You minions of mine, the Economy’s priority”
    “Buck up, risk your lives”, says The Orange Authority
    Self-congratulatory daily briefings – let’s refuse!
    Likewise his promotion of quack remedies — a ruse!
    World’s hanging by a string while he fumbles, deplorably.

  23. Steve Whitred says:

    Like a drunkard’s addiction to booze
    Or a floozy’s compulsion to flooze
    The right’s raisan d’être
    It’s mission, etcet’ra
    Is obfuscate, fluster, confuse

  24. Steve Whitred says:

    “For the people”, Ms. Harris began
    And Ms. Warren said “I have a plan”
    Amy Klobs made a plea
    But what scuttled all three
    Was that none of these gals is a man

  25. Ken Weisel says:

    There once was a man with short fuse.
    A compliment he would refuse.
    “Invectives I know.
    Planned insults I throw,
    But kind words do only confuse.”

  26. What have you got left to lose?
    Is an offer one just can’t refuse
    Except when the prize
    Comes from one who tells lies
    Then it’s certain it must be a ruse

  27. Tim Gray says:

    If you’d like something to be
    Be the change that you’d like to see.
    Think, plan and act
    To make it fact
    And say, “It’s up to me.”

  28. Tim Gray says:

    I have to say it’s fantastic
    The States not on board with the Plastic
    Waste Management Plan.
    “We’re too busy man,
    To take any action that drastic”

  29. Tim Gray says:

    The country is run by the News,
    Be it real, or “Fake” or I Muse.
    It may be as trite
    As a catchy sound bite,
    And contrary opinions confuse.

  30. Tim Gray says:

    The thing about a clinician
    In my observed admission,
    Unlike business man
    Profit’s not in their plan,
    But to be a healthcare patrician.

  31. Tim Gray says:

    Alfred Einstein was a smart man,
    And I quote him whenever I can,
    He said those uncouth
    With the smallest of truth
    Can’t be trusted with a bigger plan

  32. Tim Gray says:

    Sweltering, I switched on the fan,
    A cool nights sleep was my plan,
    But the fan switch just died,
    Should I go sleep outside?
    Mosquitoes? I don’t think I can!

  33. Tim Gray says:

    If you think you can’t, you’re right.
    Of this you mustn’t lose sight.
    The obvious plan
    Is to think that you can,
    And the chances increase that you might.

  34. Tim Gray says:

    To the Nation, we pledge our troth,
    To be only concerned with our growth.
    Though other nations implore,
    We shall just ignore…
    Any change to our plans, we are loath.

  35. Tim Gray says:

    What I mean and say aren’t the same;
    That’s an essential part of my game.
    Not to amuse,
    But to confuse
    And gives me someone to blame.

  36. Tim Gray says:

    Some may cry, “You Abuse!”
    If there isn’t a word you can use
    And you make up your own,
    To finish your koan,
    Where all others would simply refuse.

  37. Tim Gray says:

    There was a young Goth named Tracey
    Who was weird and a bit spacey.
    Then she met a man
    And changed her plan,
    And started to dress kind of racy.

  38. The Trumpster so hopes you will choose
    an offer you should not refuse.
    Vote for him and “be nice”
    and you’ll just risk dying twice
    in the next great pandemic. “I can’t lose!”

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    My plan was to have a hot wife
    And our lives would be free from all strife
    But my “plot” went awry
    And it sure made my cry
    Cause something appeared, known as “life”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our plan was to go to “Peace Bay”
    And swim in the water all day
    But things went awry
    (Couldn’t figure out why)
    We wound up in “Went The Wrong Way”

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a story, most folks understand:
    I spotted a girl who was grand
    It was love at first sight
    I kissed her that night
    And Baby! That sure wasn’t planned

  42. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On To-Do lists I’ll issue a ban;
    dockets, calendars — plunk! — in the can;
    won’t interrupt me-time,
    (unless it’s for tea time).
    Now THAT, I submit, is A Plan.

  43. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Oh, come forth and bring on the blues
    Canon balls and Marror are clues
    If given a choice
    I’d truly rejoice
    These pleasures I’d flatly refuse

  44. Steve Frakt says:

    She proposed they have virtual screws
    Using FaceTime to exchange risqué views
    And show naked positions
    For their horny ambitions
    What a treat — how could he ever refuse !

  45. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Alternative Ran/ Not The Plan

    Meticulous No nonsense was Stan
    Operation “no bullshit” he ran
    His staff emigrated
    Depressed, constipated
    And the android he programmed just ran.

  46. Mark G. Kane says:

    Stuck at home he’ll now wishfully muse
    Of more time for those lazy day screws.
    But to restart the fire,
    And fan her desire,
    He’ll need to first locate her fuse.

  47. Phyllis says:

    When I hear someone say “to diffuse”
    When they really did mean “to defuse,”
    Those words to confuse
    Make me blow a fuse!
    But I feel that this lim’rick will lose.

  48. Gary Heathcote says:

    “Listen up, the Market’s priority”
    “Return to work”, says Orange Authority
    Blowhard’s briefings – refuse!
    Long shot cures — a ruse!
    He feints and fumbles, deplorably.

  49. Steve Whitred says:

    What a mystery needs is some clues
    And what dynamite needs is a fuse
    Coming later this Fall
    For the sake of us all
    What the GOP needs is to lose

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh, urologist, I have bad news
    And it surely just gives me the blues:
    Cuz now that I’m eighty
    My panties feel weighty
    And I constantly must circum-fuse

  51. Steve Whitred says:

    The plan was to get some relief
    From the sickness, the death, and the grief
    So, it’s out of the ken
    Both of mice and of men
    How he’s still the commander in chief

  52. Tim James says:

    The devout had resolved to refuse
    To obey “stay-at-home.” In their pews
    The voice held them in thrall:

  53. Tim Gray says:

    There were things we were planning to do
    About this new type of flu,
    But we were distracted
    And the planning protracted
    By the impeachment started by you.

  54. Tim Gray says:

    Fauci makes me look bad
    In this worst crisis we’ve had,
    So I’m planning his going
    Without him even knowing
    And show him up as a cad.

  55. Amazzing says:

    Diverse candidates dropped with a thud;
    Though planned, the winner’s a dud;
    A most corrupt shmoe!
    It is quid pro Joe!
    This dud sounds just like Elmer Fudd!

    Can’t tell his wife from his very own sister;
    But sniffing hair, he can tell a miss from a mister;
    Campaigning he should refuse,
    He sounds like he’s on booze,
    Each promise sounds more like a tongue twister.

    With his absurd dentured smile;
    And old fart comb-over hairstyle;
    To speak is to confuse,
    His prattle does ooze,
    This is a man who is truly senile.

  56. Tim Gray says:

    If I don’t like what you’re saying
    There’ll be no point in your staying.
    You’ll just raise my ire
    So I’m planning to fire
    You, with groundwork that I am laying.

  57. Brian Allgar says:

    “To ensure my election success,
    There’s a thing that we gotta suppress –
    Postal voting! I’d lose,
    So I’m gonna refuse
    Any bailout for USPS.”

  58. Brian Allgar says:

    (Double – replaces the previous version)

    “To ensure my election success,
    There’s a thing that I plan to suppress –
    Postal voting! I’d lose,
    So I’m gonna refuse
    Any bailout for USPS.”

  59. Sharon Neeman says:

    “I’m planning a dinner,” said she;
    “How very delightful!” said we,
    “But the rules in the news
    Say we have to refuse…”
    “No,” she shrugged, “it’s just ramen, for me.”

  60. Sharon Neeman says:

    “We have landed! Please exit by twos,”
    Said Noah. “Oh, no! We refuse!”
    The unicorns cried;
    “We’re staying inside!
    Dry land won’t be fun, like this cruise.”

  61. Steve Benko says:

    Best-laid though they think are their plans,
    The virus wrecks mice’s and man’s.
    No searching for cheese,
    No hitting off tees,
    No pussy for Trump’s tiny hands.

  62. Mike Young says:

    The news that Mad Kane would refuse
    Has items that seek to confuse
    They may come from a trump
    To make us all jump
    All they do is to light up my fuse.

    Some say that the planet’s worst plan
    Was dreamed up by the Ku Klux Klan
    However they try
    That’s still quite a lie
    Because worse is a dream Taliban.

  63. Steve Benko says:

    “Your offer to sell me more shoes,”
    Said Imelda, “I cannot refuse.
    For I love crocodile,
    And own every style,
    But not yet in all of the hues.”

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby” will always refuse
    To waste all the things that we choose
    Even in these sad days
    When we’ve all changes our ways
    There are still things we sure can’t reuse

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: line 4 should not read: “When we’ve all changes our ways”
    I should be: When we’ve all changed our ways.
    Could you please fix that one for me?
    Thank you, Lisi

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Abe Lincoln, (a very smart man)
    Was the Pres who had many a fan
    To the theater he went
    It was not his intent
    To make such a real stupid plan

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the language that we often use
    There are phrases that surely confuse
    Like the boy was “found missing”
    The day he was kissing
    The girl with the “stunning tattoos”

  68. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    We bought tickets we couldn’t afford
    for some train wrecks that can’t be ignored;
    now it’s hard to refuse
    to hop on “Breaking News,”
    the new Polar Express — all aboard!

  69. Amazzing says:

    U.S. surpassed covid deaths in Italy, a ruse;
    Lefty Lib media went hysterical to confuse;
    With over fives times Italy’s population,
    Never mind media jubilation,
    It is Trump they are trying to abuse.

    The 1918 Pandemic was for real;
    Killing 2.8% of all humans, bad deal;
    But no need for the blues,
    Current BS just refuse,
    At .0028% fatal, it’s Joe’s Bidemic spiel.

  70. Tim Gray says:

    Failing to plan is planning to fail
    If you disregard all a job does entail,
    Or in haste, if you just muddle through
    By saying too soon, “I think that will do”,
    Neglecting the finer detail.

  71. Tim Gray says:

    They say you should plan before acting
    Else failure you’ll be attracting,
    But an impromptu show,
    Where it goes, you don’t know,
    To quick ideas you’ll be reacting.

  72. Tim Gray says:

    Mr Trump has a short fuse
    And will, rant, lambast and accuse
    All of the media folk
    Whom he calls a bad joke
    Displaying what he calls “Fake News”.

  73. Tim Gray says:

    The case is I simply refuse
    To take the blame, if I can accuse
    Some other poor schmuck
    Who can be stuck
    And limelight on me will diffuse.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    The War Of The Worlds: Ground Zero: New Jersey! (1938)

    Orson Wells was a talented man
    But here’s what this actor began:
    He caused widespread panic
    The people went manic
    Thinking Martians had one evil plan

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Long ago, mom said, “Always refuse
    A date from a man with tattoos
    And you must stay away
    From a guy who will say
    “Lay off of my new blue suede shoes”

  76. Steve Whitred says:

    In the laundry my shorts had a plan
    To ’get lucky’ like Jack and Dianne
    First, they flirted with shirts
    And some skimpy young skirts
    But the stockings they fancied just ran

  77. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Plan A is the one most will choose,
    then Plan B, should the A Team refuse.
    If B (C?) meet travail,
    D, then, F look to fail.
    G through Z? “What have you got to lose?”

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    On Sundays, my wife blows a fuse
    Cuz in church, I unfailingly snooze
    She can’t get me to wake
    And she screams “Goodness Sake!
    Sit in one of the out-of-range pews”

  79. Roger Haugen says:

    Get cracking, my poetic Muse!
    And give me some lines I can use;
    Just do what you can,
    If the stuff doesn’t scan,
    The worst I can do is refuse.

  80. Roger Haugen says:

    Thinking deep thoughts on the can,
    He delivered himself of a plan:
    He’d leave his old wife
    To start a new life,
    And indulge in his yen for Japan.

  81. Susan says:

    Gone are days when the only fake news
    Was in tabloids and meant to amuse;
    When Cronkite and Rather
    Didn’t simper or blather
    Or tell lies that were meant to confuse.

  82. Tim James says:

    After thinking about it, I choose
    To accept that Corona’s no ruse.
    Why is that? I’ll explain:
    I’ve a functioning brain.
    Right-wing refuse I firmly refuse.

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our toddler will always refuse
    To “go potty” (sure gives us the blues)
    And ev-er-y day
    He just won’t obey
    And the neighbors hear lots of pee-use

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Back in church: (makes more sense)

    In church, I snore loud when I snooze
    Which makes my sweet wife blow a fuse
    She can’t get me to wake
    And she screams, “Goodness Sake!
    Sit in one of those out-of-range pews”

  85. Amazzing says:

    I am planning to stay off all booze;
    Cuz the China virus gives me the blues;
    Not because of illness,
    Or everlasting stillness,
    But the politics Dems’ media continually infuse.

  86. Tim Gray says:

    Procrastination delays:
    Learn your way through the maze;
    Arrange every item;
    Note the order to fight-em;
    Start with those are todays.

  87. Tim Gray says:

    Someone is largely to blame;
    Who knew, but didn’t explain.
    I plan to find out
    Then without a doubt
    Pariah will be their name.

  88. Wayne Feder says:

    Some are just learning the news

    That Trump has a very short fuse

    It shouldn’t surprise

    Just look at the size

    Of his hands and his very small shoes

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Pandemic Rules

    We planned to go visit the Queen
    We are into the “traveling scene”
    Then prepared to see Rome
    But we have to stay home
    So we buy “Travel Time” magazine

  90. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    Plan-themes limerick

    A plan to keep social distance
    With this I need no assistance
    I have no delusion
    Extended seclusion
    Won’t faze my daily existence.

  91. Steve Frakt says:

    The little train engine that ran
    Up the mountain needed a plan
    With passengers seated
    It simply repeated
    “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”

  92. Steve Frakt says:

    He envisioned an evening productive
    As her charms were so very seductive
    But when she told him to stay
    At least six feet away
    His plans ended rather abruptive

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Froggy was blowin’ a fuse
    Cuz his mommy would not let him choose
    What he wanted to wear
    And it just wasn’t fair
    That she made him wear open-toad shoes

  94. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Acrostics,” said old Mother Goose —
    “Aberrations for which I’ve no use —
    Require a scheme,
    Good planning, a theme.
    Heaven help us, what’s next — Dr. Seuss?!”

  95. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Another acrostic? Admit
    When it comes to this task, you’re unfit.
    For your own good, refuse,”
    Uttered one honest Muse.
    “Look, you’re bad at this, REALLY. Now quit.”

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    We left dock for an island remote
    On a ship known as “Chill Out And Float”
    We both swore we’d refuse
    To eat cake on this cruise
    But came home and weighed more than the boat

  97. Ailsa McKillop says:

    It’s often unwise to refuse
    To follow society’s views.
    There’s passive aggression
    (Of tacit expression)
    In Britain, on jumping the queues.

  98. Wayne Feder says:

    They say best plans can oft go awry,
    A rule that I seldom apply.
    A plan can’t go bad
    If its never been had.
    (Don’t count those I’ve had when I’m high.)

  99. Wayne Feder says:

    On that day when the virus is gone
    I plan to go out on my lawn
    And when the coast clears
    Toss down several beers
    And dance naked all night until dawn.

  100. Tim James says:

    Very careful arrangements were made
    For his wife to leave town, where she stayed
    While he met with his squeeze
    For a week of pure sleaze.
    Like his mistress, his plans were well-laid.

  101. Diane Groothuis says:

    An offer too good to refuse
    Is often just some sort of ruse.
    They’ll be trying to sell
    A product from Hell
    So the smoke-screen is there to confuse.🙃😧🤯🤓’

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    In a very ethereal muse
    I dreamed about not-so-fake news:
    There’s a hole in a boat
    Donald can’t stay afloat
    And he sinks, as he’s blowing a fuse

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Dreamer slightly modified

    In a very ethereal muse
    I dreamed about not-so-fake news:
    ‘Twas a hole in a boat
    Donald can’t stay afloat
    And he sinks, while he’s blowing a fuse

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    She said; he said

    “Don’t use commas! or else you’ll confuse
    Your readers concerning your views!
    Correct punctuation
    Conveys information!”
    (What a damn uninspiring muse)

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just to make it clear: the above limerick’s title was supposed to be:
    “She exclaimed; he murmurs”

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Whatever Works”

    As an artist, don’t let me confuse
    You about all the motives I choose
    Cuz it surely feels dandy
    When drinking some brandy
    As the source of my real gifted muse

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Trumpsters will always uphold
    The facts that are honestly told
    They say, “Do not confuse
    The truth with the news
    This virus is merely a cold”

  108. Amazzing says:

    Cronkite was a covert liberal news slinger;
    For lies Dan Rather got his tit in a ringer;
    But Sharpton, Maddow, Chris Cuomo-
    Acosta, Huffington, and Scarborough-
    Plan disgusting new meaning for “Left Winger”

  109. Amazzing says:

    Actually Limbaugh “called” it a “cold”
    A lie that is far more than bold;
    A local mediocre physician,
    Wrongly abused his position,
    And planned character assassination untold.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Titanic sailed over the seas
    But the passengers weren’t at ease
    Yet Trump still blows a fuse
    Says, “That story’s fake news
    Cuz the iceberg was really Chinese”

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    The car of the future’s a plan
    That will surely have many a fan
    It’s the Edsel, by Ford
    And should not be ignored
    As “The Famous Surviving Sedan”

  112. Jean McEwen says:

    During COVID-19, all my plans
    For carousing and hot one-night stands
    Have been thwarted, because
    All of life’s now on pause.
    (In my state, we can’t even shake hands!)

  113. Jean McEwen says:

    Several months ago, Carnival Cruise
    Had a deal that we couldn’t refuse.
    But I fear the damn virus
    Will, sadly, require us
    To bail (and fend off those “ah-choos”).

  114. Steve Whitred says:

    Told the barkeep some humorous news
    And she listened, she couldn’t refuse
    But instead of applause
    Giggles, grins, or guffaws,
    All I got from the barmaid was booze

  115. Steve Whitred says:

    Said Sisyphus somewhat in shock
    ”Now I get why I’m rolling this rock
    In my life I stole cattle
    And sundry odd chattel
    In death now, I’m forced to take stock”

  116. Steve Whitred says:

    Oops! In the above limerick’s concept, Sisyphus was going to ‘refuse’ but somehow the rhyme scheme got away from him.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some spellings are made to confuse
    Be careful ’bout which ones you choose
    When you write, please be clear
    Cuz there’s “bier” and there’s “beer”
    One is sad and the other one’s booze

  118. Valerie Fish says:

    It was all planned, a cruise round the Med
    Now thanks to Covid 19, instead
    I’m stuck home on my tod
    Whist hubby, the daft sod
    Is self-isolating in the shed

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Cheater, please do not confuse
    The bloomers your lady loves choose
    If both panties are red
    And one’s under the bed
    Prepare for some very bad news

  120. Kirk Miller says:

    The cannon ball guy sang the blues.
    At love, seems he always would lose.
    When he’d hop into bed
    With a gal, he would dread
    Her saying, “You’ve got a short fuse.”

  121. Steve Whitred says:

    New Zealand has got a PM
    She’s a certified national gem
    While she acts like a coach
    We Just blame and reproach
    So my plan … Can we be more like them?

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some capital letters confuse
    Be careful ’bout which one you choose
    There is trump and there’s Trump
    But don’t let it stump
    You: one’s Bridge and the other’s bad news

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    That didn’t make sense!

    Though they both sound the same, don’t confuse
    Both these words, so you’ll know which to choose
    There is trump and there’s Trump
    Please don’t let it stump
    You, one’s Bridge and the other’s bad news

  124. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    T. rex plans to swallow the sun,
    Roars in ‘Dino’, “I’m King! I’m the One!”
    Unrelenting, this voice —
    Most are left with one choice —
    Put these symbols together, then run!

  125. Steve Benko says:

    Be you Muslims or Christians or Jews,
    An affair will your love lives confuse.
    You’re just having fun
    Till you hear “You’re the one,”
    And from heaven, a chorus of boos.

  126. Diane Groothuis says:

    My hubby’s a terrible cheat.
    He winks at the dames in the street
    He picked up poor Iris
    Contracted “the virus”
    Now has to await a clean sheet.

  127. Diane Groothuis says:

    I had a trip planned for Hawaii
    As my Birthday is now drawing nigh
    But the news was the worst
    My plans were reversed
    And the airlines funds all have run dry.

  128. Sharon Neeman says:

    On “Dancing with Stars” Jim had fans,
    But an accident ruined his plans.
    Hearing “Rrrrrrip!” in the final,
    He found his tights (vinyl)
    Were really his dance partner Ann’s.

  129. Sharon Neeman says:

    Like a bomb with a very short fuse,
    After dinner, first night of the cruise,
    Don got really dyspeptic —
    The odor was septic,
    And caused many “Yuck!”s and “Pee-yew!”s.

  130. Steve Whitred says:

    And the lord said to man “Calm your fears
    Stay at home till this bug disappears
    Trust in me that you can
    It’s all part of my plan
    I’ve been socially distant for years”

  131. Tim Gray says:

    I don’t know if this qualifies as planning… maybe plan to do, or think about unplanned automatic reaction.

    Like everything under the sun
    There are more ways to do it but one.
    Cast off your perversity
    And welcome diversity,
    And you might even start to have fun.

  132. Tim Gray says:

    Things go wrong, they always do,
    How you handle it is up to you.
    Wail and scream, or change your plan;
    Change your system as much as you can;
    Breathe deep, and start working anew.

  133. Dave Johnson says:

    The romantic encounter he’d planned
    Turned out to be way less than grand.
    As things went awry,
    He was left with “Goodbye”
    Along with “Hello Mr. Hand…”

  134. Tim James says:

    “A man, a plan, a canal, Panama”

    When my limerick effort began —
    On this man, the canal, and his plan —
    I emitted a curse
    While constructing the verse:
    That damn palindrome just wouldn’t scan.

  135. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “See wild animals! Fantastic views!”
    A friend’s invite I couldn’t refuse.
    Quiet porch, too, for napping,
    but — yikes!– what’s all that yapping?
    “Nothing much,” yawned my host, “just fox news.”

  136. Tim Gray says:

    It came to pass, not to stay.*
    Troubles now are on their way.
    Thank the stars the world does turn,
    Noting down what you did learn
    And plan for a bright new day.

    *First line courtesy of R. Buckminster Fuller

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    “2 Of Each”

    Oh, Mama, I have such good news
    John and I won a 40 day cruise
    There’ll be elephants, frogs
    Lions, cow, skunks, and hogs
    It’s a trip that we just can’t refuse

  138. Tim Gray says:

    Revised April 21, 2020 at 9:20 pm submission

    It came to pass, not to stay.*
    Troubles now, are on their way.
    Thank the stars for world turn,
    Note down what you did learn
    And plan for a big bright new day.

    *First line courtesy of R. Buckminster Fuller

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    Today’s World

    The roses had started to bloom
    So happy the bride and the groom
    The plans so well- set
    Who can ever forget
    The beautiful banquet hall: “Zoom”

  140. Daisy Ward says:

    She shouts, oh no and then refuse
    Her lovers hand, it made the news
    She said, she couldn’t
    He said she wouldn’t
    Turn his love life into the blues

  141. Daisy Ward says:

    oh no, the banker made plans
    to put stolen money in his hands
    got very up-tight
    hid the money out of sight
    then sent out a list of demands

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    To write a good lim’rik, you must
    Plan ahead, till your brain starts to rust
    Get each syllable right
    Keep the “middle” real tight
    (Don’t let anyone know that you fussed)

  143. Jeanne Shamji says:


    Let’s all give the homeless a bin
    It seems like we can never win
    It’s always so sad, but
    Their trash smells bad, what
    They’d refuse to put their refuse in?

  144. Tim Gray says:

    Amended April 13, 2020 at 1:42 am submission (as per suggestion)

    If you think you can’t, you are right.
    Of this fact you must never lose sight.
    The obvious plan
    Is to think that you can,
    And the chances increase that you might.

  145. Tim Gray says:

    The last person you need to help plan
    Is Trump, that President man.
    He’ll ignore all advice
    Fire his aides in a trice
    And will get his way if he can.

  146. Tim Gray says:

    USA sues China over Covid-19

    Instead of casting the blame,
    Make a plan for the future your aim.
    The past we can’t change
    But priorities can rearrange,
    Please stop playing this silly game.

  147. Tim Gray says:

    As Leader
    As leader of the free world
    Think of the anger you’ve hurled.
    Stop being a skunk
    And start showing some spunk,
    Display a New World plan unfurled.

  148. John Shardlow says:

    From a Potus that rates himself ‘great’
    This plan should carry some weight
    For Covid infection,
    A Clorox injection
    Make sure that his jacket is ‘strait’

  149. Steve Whitred says:

    Doctor Donald is at it again
    Seems the plan from his biggly brain
    Is to fill a syringe
    With some sun … now don’t cringe
    And inject it right into your vein

    I saw Donald on tv today
    Heard the crazy things he had to say
    And I cannot excuse
    Why his doctors refuse
    To restrain him and take him away

  150. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  151. Tim Gray says:

    The question could be quite moot
    Of Trump and a malpractice suit.
    Or just does he confuse
    When he tells folks to use
    Disinfectant and mulberry root?

  152. Tim Gray says:

    The question could be quite moot
    Of Trump and a malpractice suit.
    Or just does he confuse
    When he tells folks to use
    Disinfectant. Intravenous to boot?

    Modified last line of the previous submission.

  153. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    C’est la vie, it’s all good — words I preach;
    there’s a much grander scheme out of reach.
    Que sera, it’s just fine —
    where would I draw the line?
    Intravenous drips (mine) filled with bleach.

  154. Steve Whitred says:

    The president*, crazy as heck
    Like a train near its imminent wreck
    Hatched a plan where we each
    Mainline sunshine and bleach
    Then he turned into Glenn effen Beck

  155. Patrice Stewart says:

    Mario, You’re A Go

    Governor C., you’re just great!
    Voice of reason: won’t fight or berate,
    You simply refuse
    To ignore or confuse.
    You seem honest (we’ve had a long wait).

    New York’s lucky to have you, it’s clear:
    You put all people first, far and near.
    So I wish you the best
    As we’re put to the test ~
    From Vancouver, WA: hear my loud cheer!

  156. Patrice Stewart says:

    Sociopath Supporters, How Do You Like Him Now?

    Man v. Virus, survival and game
    Co-occurring. Trump-Up weighs in, lame:
    Why not inject detergent?
    A solution’s emergent!
    Plus business as usual! Blame

    Those who wanted the DT elected.
    He’s a HUGE help to all those infected,
    With his personal plan
    (Sock away bucks / dark tan).
    Ventilators, masks? Check off: rejected.
    (Batshit crazy was never detected.)

    Lysol’s warning us, do not ingest
    Any products for personal test-
    Ing. I say, submit your bill,
    The White House needs a thrill!
    Just a business cost, you can suggest.
    (White House counsel, Bad Luck! Case, I rest.)

    The world over, our species fights on;
    We continue though many are gone.
    Thump revealed his priority:
    Retain his authority!
    I can’t stand it. Out, louse, just begone…
    (Higher life forms are found in my lawn.)

  157. Lisi Nortman says:

    Today, I’m in such a good mood
    I shall no longer sit and just brood
    I have fine’ly lost weight
    My new diet plan’s great
    It is known as “The High Price Of Food”

  158. Lisi Nortman says:

    Most people think I’m just a sap
    Cuz I gripe and say, “Life is a trap”
    But now I’ve a plan
    To be one zestful man
    Which I’ll tell you ’bout after my nap

  159. Patrice Stewart says:

    Plans, Shmans: The Man’s Insane

    A lim’rick’s supposed to be blue,
    But I’d rather discuss You Know Who.
    I could simply refuse
    To take in daily news,
    And miss “NEXT crazy thing” that he’ll do.

  160. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve interviewed Mike and Jo-Anne,
    Peter, Steven, Priscilla, and Dan
    They are all a good pick
    But I must decide quick
    “Pin The Tail On The Donkey’s” my plan

  161. Tim Gray says:

    He talks a lot and says nothing
    Because he’s just hot air and stuffing.
    He’ll then blow a fuse
    At what he calls Fake News
    Then tirade all huffing and puffing.

  162. Tim Gray says:

    Why do Republicans stand
    Resolute, with their head in the sand?
    They simply refuse
    To see Trump as bad news,
    An opportunist where nothing is planned.

  163. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 443. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Side.