Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RING or WRING at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 11, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RING or WRING at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FEAR, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FEAR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 12,2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 11, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my RING/WRING-rhyme limerick:

If I tell you to “give me a ring,”
Please know I’m not asking for bling.
(That would take lots of gall!)
No, I just want a call…
Though I’d settle for text or a ping.

And here’s my FEAR-themed limerick:

Excess staring can make women fearful;
Especially looks that seem leerful.
And pandemics will boost
The unease that’s induced…
Like right now, I’d prefer someone sneerful.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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136 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RING or WRING at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 11, 2020)”

  1. Sharon NeemanShar says:

    FDR told us “Fear only fear” —
    But some caution is warranted here:
    Fearing crowds, risky chances
    And torrid romances
    Just might save our lives now, my dear.

  2. Tony Holmes says:

    My new girl is an old-fashioned thing
    And as such, is averse to a fling.
    She will kiss – and we pet,
    But no nookie. “Not yet!
    If you want me, just give me a ring.”

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    We started to date in the Spring
    Didn’t know it would be the “real thing”
    We got married, and then
    My sweet darling, Ken
    Bestowed me a black bathtub ring

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just who has this great “fear of flying?”
    Not me! I will never start crying!
    When we’re up in the air
    I have nary a care
    Except for my deep “fear of dying”

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mom grew up in a town:”Teensy Spring”
    Where the park held just one tiny swing
    This place was so small
    Mama still can recall
    That the circus had only one ring

  6. Jesse Levy says:

    I once knew a guy named Bing.
    At the drop of a hat he would sing.
    He most used his voice
    When we all had no choice
    I said, Bing, if I want you, I’ll ring.

  7. Delano Britt says:

    Fear is what we fear.
    Today and next year.
    So I will just think
    And have me a drink.
    As I drop me a tear.

  8. Delano Britt says:

    I bought my girlfriend a ring.
    Real luxurious bling.
    She dropped it, it went smash.
    She said she’d rather have cash.
    Not this fake, rotten thing.

  9. Jesse Levy says:

    The one thing I really most fear:
    An explosion from out of my rear
    When I’m out on the town
    And my pants go all brown
    And things start to stink and then smear.

    (Sorry if anyone was eating during this one)

  10. Tony Holmes says:

    The Taxman Cometh – A Fear Limerick (Actually based on a 5,000 year-old Egyptian saying – honest injun.)

    One is rightly respectful of kings,
    And of princes, among other things;
    But one truly despairs –
    “The IRS, man, spells ‘THEIRS’.”
    It’s the bite of the taxman that stings.

  11. Dave Johnson says:

    Her exes shared one common thing:
    It seems they were not into bling.
    Have fun? They sure did;
    But each ran and hid
    When she said “Now show me the ring.”

  12. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Covid’s scary, no ifs, ands, or buts —
    stay at home and develop new ruts.
    Note to introverts: sit!
    Read a book, learn to knit…
    And to extroverts? — pursue going nuts.

  13. Tim Gray says:

    Should the bells be starting to ring
    When all the aides start to sing,..
    Without being too rude,
    At government ineptitude,
    That’s led by Trump, the Show King.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    Though strangling is not the done thing,
    I’m tempted to give it a fling.
    With the face of a Shrek
    On a bright-orange neck,
    I would gladly give Donald a wring.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    “I fear that the apple’s depravity
    Has caused in my skull a large cavity.
    Still, I’m not in my grave …”
    So Sir Isaac’s brain-wave
    Was to call his discovery ‘Gravity’.

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    “I’m pregnant! I’m frightened to tell
    My old man – he’ll be angry as hell!”
    “Just lie to the guy –
    Say an angel stopped by,
    And some Heavenly Spirit as well.”

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    “My husband was hoping to bring
    Me to climax. He got in the swing,
    But that big tub of lard
    Must have sucked me too hard –
    Now it’s lost in the male, my clit-ring!”

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    Who can sit through the whole of ‘The Ring’?
    First there’s ‘Rhinegold’; they sing and they sing …
    Then hours of ‘Walkyrie’
    And ‘Siegfried’, so dreary
    That even the Gods hate the thing.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    Boris Johnson just laughed at their fear.
    “Social distancing ? Pshaw !” he would jeer,
    As he shook every hand.
    But karma is grand,
    And the moron’s infected, I hear.

  20. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A loud voice to the chorus he’ll bring,
    but his notes have a flat, hollow ring:
    “Dough dough dough!” –out they roll,
    “Me me me!” — but where’s soul?
    So I tune out when Trump starts to sing.

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can’t swim and that brings me to tears!
    Couldn’t do it for all of my years
    And what worries me most
    Is I’ll soon be a ghost
    Cuz I’ll drown in a pool of my fears

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Fly” a scary film from 1958, then remade in 1986

    My wife, Fanny, (oh yuk) not a prize!
    She fears bugs will sure cause her demise
    So I rented “The Fly”
    She screamed, “I will die!”
    What a great way to say our good byes!

  23. Dave Johnson says:

    Proposing right now is a thing
    You might have to re-think to bring
    The desired result;
    In our current tumult,
    Give her TP instead of a ring.

  24. Dave Johnson says:

    He said we had nothing to fear;
    That virus was not even near.
    Then catastrophe struck;
    Now this uninformed schmuck
    Says his ratings are something to cheer.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slight change from limerick: today at 1:25 PM (L2)

    I can’t swim and that brings me to tears
    (I’ve been frightened for so many years)
    And what worries me most
    Is I’ll soon be a ghost
    Cuz I’ll drown in a pool of my fears

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Quasimodo’s a “hideous thing!”
    My mom said, “So what? Have a fling!
    He could take you to bed
    And you might even wed”
    (Yet he’d give me a bell, not a ring)

  27. Ken Gosse says:

    The Truth Will Make Us Great ~
    Fear’s not what scares me the most,
    nor is truth, though it’s worse in each post.
    What brings tears to my eyes
    are the virulent lies
    which are speading from MAGA’s chief host.

  28. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Macbeth’s Lady wailed, “We’ve killed the King!” —
    lost her mind with that “Out damned spot!” thing.
    I relate to her hell,
    ’cause devoid of Purell,
    I, too, scrub my hands madly, then wring.

  29. Steve Frakt says:

    He was hoping for a nice evening’s fling
    As he pressed on her doorbell to ring
    So when she opened the door
    He was thrilled to the core
    As her Saran Wrap did suggestively cling

  30. Tim Gray says:

    When this thing is all over
    And Trump has been put out to clover,
    After hearing bells ring
    And having a good sing,
    A new way of life we’ll discover.

  31. Brian Allgar says:

    A White House spokesperson comes clean

    It’s shameful, I cannot deny,
    But unless we tell lie after lie
    About Coronavirus,
    We fear he will fire us,
    So millions will just have to die.

  32. Steve Frakt says:

    I fear I’ll get 10 years in the clink
    For deducting her drink and her mink
    Those expenses for Bridget
    I believed were quite legit
    In the conduct of our business (wink, wink)

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    These days, I shall no longer care
    ‘Bout things that I thought were unfair
    I shall no longer dwell
    Upon fears about hell
    Cause it seems that we’re already there

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now folks, let me make something brief
    ‘Bout my honest and solid belief:
    Let your fright disappear
    There is nothing to fear
    (Except the “Commander-In Chief”)

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: Can you please change (Except for “Commander-In-Chief”) to (Except the “Commander-In-Chief)

    Thank You



  36. I’m confused–someone tell me something:
    If the rhyme word’s supposed to be “ring”
    (Or wring) Then how come
    Of these listed, there’s some
    That don’t even show any such thing?

  37. Stephen Earp says:

    Said Trump of this terrible thing
    What votes do you think this could swing
    This hoax of a virus
    Sent here to inspire us
    Let’s see how much cash we can wring

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    For Bindy

    Perhaps it was not very clear
    The theme for this contest is “fear”.
    Here’s hoping you’ll bring
    Something more than ring/wring
    That everyone else gets to cheer.

  39. Dave Johnson says:

    Health experts would shout til’ they’re hoarse
    “Stay home- there is no other course!”
    Spring breakers rejected
    Those pleas as expected;
    Covidiots were out there in force.

  40. Tim James says:

    A boxer with insight to spare
    Fought a bout, then was heard to declare:
    “It’s a curious thing.
    We all call this a ‘ring’ —
    So why is it shaped like a square?”

  41. ALAN HUNTER says:

    Her doctor said there’s nothing to fear
    You’ll be fixed up in no time my dear
    I see a pea pod
    He said with a nod
    Starting to sprout down in your left ear !

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lived my life without fear; had a ball
    Till the day that I saw this real tall
    Freaky guy who was weird
    With a very long beard
    Who walks back and forth at the mall

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t be frightened by people who squawk
    Turn your back and then take a brisk walk
    Yet some other fears
    Will sure bring you to tears
    Like the one known as “We need to talk”

  44. Tim Gray says:

    For the past three month he has known
    Though any chances he had he has blown
    Trump said never fear
    It will not be severe…
    Have discontent seeds just been sown?

  45. Tim Gray says:

    Teflon Trump rules on a whim
    And treats experts as ignorant as sin.
    Though he finally did hear,
    But driven by their fear,
    Most deaths should be on him.

  46. Jean McEwen says:

    Dick’s wife warned him: “I promise I’ll wring
    Your damn neck if you have one more fling!”
    But Dick once again strayed.
    Now, a high price he’s paid:
    She’s gone further and chopped off his thing.

  47. Jean McEwen says:

    I feel trapped; my house reeks of chlorine
    From those wipes that kill COVID-19.
    I’ve run out of Purell
    And now fear I’m unwell–
    So it’s two weeks of self-quarantine.

  48. Tim James says:

    I swear I composed the following before I saw Jean’s limerick.

    Poor Dick is having a tough time of it these days…

    All Dick wanted was one little screw
    With his hot next-door neighbor. Who knew
    That her man packed a gun?
    See Dick run! Run, Dick, run!
    See Dick ruin his Jockey shorts too.

  49. Kirk Miller says:

    Mickey Mouse fell in love, bought a ring;
    Said his gal makes him feel like a king.
    Very soon he will wed,
    And the reason, he said,
    Is ’cause love is a Minnie splendored thing.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    I visited John in the Spring
    At a place which was once called “Sing Sing”
    He said, “Life is great
    I would love a cell mate
    Won’t you please join my bookmaking ring?”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hubby” bought me a charming mood ring
    When it’s red, I just dance and I sing
    But when it is green
    I’m a real mean machine
    And he gets a right hook in his thing

  52. David Reddekopp says:

    With a bellow that sounds insincere
    Says the Prez:”Lo, the Donald is here!
    With the brains that I bring
    I will fix everything!”
    Mr. Trump, that is what we all fear.

  53. David Reddekopp says:

    There once was a man from Quebec
    Who proposed to his girl on the deck
    What he brought, for the bling,
    Was a cheap plastic ring
    So the girl started wringing his neck.

  54. Tim Gray says:

    The fairies were all in a ring
    Dancing and having a fling
    When along came some elves,
    Not behaving themselves,
    Said the queen, “I think we’ll take wing.”

    Said the lead elf, “What is your fear?
    Why do you not want us here?”
    Said the queen to the elf
    “You can’t control yourself,
    It’s uncomfortable having you near.”

    Said the elf, “We should live as one ring,
    So the people can all dance and sing.
    It seems that our role
    Is to learn self-control
    To enhance the joy that we bring.”

  55. Tim Gray says:

    Those people I hear, but I can’t see
    So close, through the wall next to me.
    Should I tell them? No fear,
    At what I can hear
    When they’re having a rabbit-like spree.

  56. Tim Gray says:

    You’ll not make America great
    While you’re missing one vital trait.
    I fear integrity’s missing,
    I can hear that your hissing,
    Just wake up and ponder your fate.

  57. Tim Gray says:

    I was sitting there on the loo
    Doing just what we all do,
    When I heard the phone ring,
    Then my wife loudly sing,
    “Darling I think it’s for you.”

    So I got up, pants at half mast
    And ran to the phone really fast.
    Then what did I hear?
    Nothing I fear,
    They’d hung up, goddamn and blast.

    So I made my way back to the throne
    To continue what we do alone
    Then flush the thing
    By pulling the ring…
    I’d have stayed there if I had known.

  58. There once was a Trump who’d be king
    and America’s neck he would wring.
    When a virus came near,
    she cried “Save Me!” in fear.
    The the Trump said, “First kiss my ring!”

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Today I sure feel like a king!
    Cuz tonight we will have a great fling!
    I shall ask her to wed
    (Sorry) must rush ahead
    To Sam’s Club to buy her a ring

  60. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Here’s a tweet-out to trivia nerds:
    “Ornithophobia” means fear of birds;
    QUIP EDALIAN neurosis
    largely signifies fear of long words.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh, dear therapist, I must come clear
    My new problem is very severe
    I am under much stress
    Cuz all day I obsess
    About fearing I won’t have a fear

  62. Dave Johnson says:

    We now have a vital new task;
    To learn how to make our own mask.
    My effort, I fear
    Hides my nose and one ear:
    For instructions, I may need to ask.

  63. Roger Haugen says:

    A choral director named Crandall
    Created a musical scandal
    When he slurred through his beer,
    “No Messiah thish year–
    Shorry, I can’t find the Handel.”

  64. Roger Haugen says:

    For the expert hydro engineer
    The waterway’s challenge was clear:
    How to manage the flow?
    “Be dammed if I know;
    We can maybe get by with a weir.”

  65. Ken Gosse says:

    Shun the Unknown One! ~
    Write a limerick? I fear that I shan’t—
    unless, against rhyme, it’s a rant—
    or I’d hear a lotta
    “Persona non grata!”
    from poets who’d shout “unbekannt!”

  66. Brian Allgar says:

    “If you’re afraid to write limericks …” (Mad Kane)

    Am I writing a foul villanelle? No!
    A pantoum or a French kyrielle? No!
    These forms simply suck;
    Compared to such muck,
    Do limericks frighten me? Hell, no!

  67. Brian Allgar says:

    The Owl confesses

    “The Pussycat wanted a ring,
    But the Pig was determined to cling
    To the one in his nose.
    Still, I HAD to propose …
    We’ve got bacon to last till next Spring.”

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dire fear is a burdensome weight
    Took me years till I got this thing straight:
    Your fears aren’t real
    They’re emotions you feel
    As a product of thoughts you create

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think L5 is not really what I wanted to express. Try again:

    Dire fear is a burdensome weight
    Took me years till I got this thing straight:
    Your fears aren’t real
    They’re emotions you feel
    As results of the thoughts you create

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    Social distancing seems like a thing
    That has a familiar ring.
    In middle-school days,
    It was one way to haze
    Some know-it-all jerk ding-a-ling.

  71. Tim James says:

    A soprano, a devious thing,
    Was a part of a criminal ring.
    She got busted, but knew
    How to rat out her crew;
    So when questioned, she started to sing.

  72. Roger Haugen says:

    They conducted a passionate fling
    That lasted most of the Spring;
    “I’m pregnant,” she cried,
    He laughed and replied,
    “I suppose you’re expecting a ring?”

  73. Tim Gray says:

    Now, here is the thing
    With Trump and his inner ring.
    You had better agree
    Or you’ll be set free
    With “Don’t Disclose” clipping your wing.

  74. Mike young says:

    If your fingers wear more than one ring
    It’s best not to let your handswring
    Don’t ignore this advice
    It could end up not nice
    You’d regret that you had such a fling!

    Covid-19’s the world’s latest fear
    Just stay in your home till it’s clear
    Don’t listen to Trump
    If he tells youi to jump
    The consequence could be austere.

  75. Mike young says:

    If your fingers wear more than one ring
    It’s best not to let your hands wring
    Don’t ignore this advice
    It could end up not nice
    You’d regret that you had such a fling!

  76. Mike young says:

    If your fingers wear more than one ring
    It’s best not to let your hands wring
    Don’t ignore this advice
    It could end up not nice
    You’d regret that you had such a fling!

  77. Patrice Stewart says:

    Free-Floating Fears

    Ignore him? Trump just can’t abide that.
    Despise him? We’ve already tried that!
    His ego’s like glass
    Yes, our infamous ass;
    One could claim many people have died that

    Might have lived if not for his denial
    Of virus threat. Put him on trial
    For crimes ‘gainst the nation!
    His brain, perm vacation
    Though ego on constant speed dial.

    Every possible thing’s about him:
    Good or bad, neutral, sad, phony, grim.
    We’re the Imagine-Nation!
    Agitation, elation
    Duke it out as he acts on each whim.
    (Good decisions? The chances are slim.)

    He’s a scary dude to be in charge,
    Body, ego (not brains) far too large.
    How was he elected?
    By folks who projected
    Fears, hates, desires needing discharge.

    Man, that virus just doesn’t exist!
    Okay, maybe it does. Get the gist?
    Because nothing is real
    (Hey, great soundbite appeal!)
    Unless Trump says it is. What a deal

    And a rough one while folks try to cope
    In a crisis and retain some hope.
    The world is at risk,
    His response is quite brisk:
    Produce, buy! What a sad, effed-up mope…
    (I suspect he could never be Pope.)

  78. Patrice Stewart says:

    Ring, Ring; Wring His Neck

    Hear the bells, he’s a real busy guy,
    But he found time to let Putin spy.
    The phones constantly ring,
    Everyone wants something…
    But why? Trump’s not real! Facts don’t apply.

  79. Patrice Stewart says:

    Marriage Can Get You (A)Head

    He finally bought her a ring,
    She’d surprised him with that “special” thing
    That they did late at night.
    But he sports a large bite
    And it hurts when he goes tinkle-ling.
    (Ow, her neck he could wring, Ding-a-ling!
    But those short shorts…his thing’s tingle-ling.)

  80. stephen whitred says:

    Social distancing now is my thing
    I’ve a mask I secure with a string
    But until there’s a cure
    With my hands, I’m unsure
    Should I sanitize, wash, or just wring

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Ultimate Fear

    There’s a spider on top of the door
    It’s a creature I sure won’t ignore
    I shall give it a whack
    With my special attack
    Holy Crap! It ain’t there anymore!

  82. Dave Johnson says:

    Some groups may be able to bring
    Disciples together; one thing:
    They now have to start
    Standing six feet apart;
    And practice safe sects in a ring.

  83. Daisy Mae Simon (Debby) says:

    I fear four more years of orange turd
    For his crimes that already occurred
    Can’t keep up with his lies
    Or his blame alibis
    Yet his followers remain undeterred

    VOTE HIM OUT, and those kissing his ring
    VOTE THEM OUT or we’ll lose everything
    He makes my BP soar
    He’s the one to deplore
    Dump that turd who wants to be king

  84. Tim Gray says:

    I’m sure her neck I will wring
    If she continues to sing.
    She’s not only tone deaf
    She can’t sing the right clef
    And to wrong notes continues to cling.

  85. Tim Gray says:

    That man in the West Wing,
    His neck deserves a good wring,
    For he shut Obama’s Task Force
    That deals with pandemic cause,
    Now see the result that did bring.

  86. Tim Gray says:

    Why can’t we get any traction
    Blaming him for his inaction?
    There seems an impermeable ring
    To which no muck will cling
    Shielding him from his malefaction.

  87. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The mini-bar’s stocked with libation;
    the fluffed pillows suggest hibernation;
    there’s a bell I can ring
    should I need anything.
    Who will answer? Just me on staycation.

  88. Dave Johnson says:

    And now Jared Kushner is here;
    He has all the answers, it’s clear.
    The position he fills
    With such obvious skills?
    Director of National Fear.

  89. Tim James says:


    Chaos spreads like a plague, far and near;
    Only fools can deny what’s so clear.
    Voters follow the news;
    In November they’ll choose.
    Donald Trump babbles on in his fear.

  90. Tim Gray says:

    By executive order decree,
    The new President to be.
    With my emergency power
    In our darkest hour,
    Fear not, just trust in me.

  91. Tim Gray says:

    Trump, the amazing magician
    Has now graduated as a physician,
    Though I’d sure circumscribe
    The drugs he may prescribe
    As a questionable healthcare clinician.

  92. Kirk Miller says:

    Shock absorbers were bad; James Bond feared
    For his life when his vehicle veered
    Back and forth, left and right.
    The suspension’s not tight.
    Aston Martin was shaken, not steered.

  93. Amazzing says:

    We’re living in a country in fear;
    For a great lack of medical gear;
    Which Cuomo tried to hoard, But do thank the good Lord,
    Stopped by our POTUS overseer.

    Now to cope with the ultimate fear;
    There is simply not enough beer;
    That Nursing Home Joe,
    Could win control,
    Possible demise of our nation is clear!

    For the ultimate fear get a gun;
    Point it at your head not in fun;
    Joe’s scariest campaign pledge,
    Proving he’s at Alzheimer’s edge,
    V.P. Hunter will be ready on Day One!

    Don’t participate with the liberal scoffers;
    It’s for the good of the Biden family coffers;
    Your hands you may wring,
    To bibles and guns you can cling,
    But they’ll still accept any seven figure offers.

  94. Amazzing says:

    Democraps will say “Bullshit” you see;
    Calling the above “lies” times three;
    Don’t fear IF I’m a truth thwarter,
    It’s perfect for my next job, a reporter,
    For CNN or BSNBC!

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    Old Wives Tale Acrostic (fear and ring)

    F right’ning hunch: both my ears hear a ring
    E v’ry body knows that’s a bad thing
    A warning so hence
    R inging gives me a sense
    S omeone’s going to kill me next Spring

  96. Daisy Ward says:

    The best man partied then sing
    Not knowing that he dropped the ring
    It was deep in the ground
    Made such a weird sound
    Siren sounds like a mermaid’s king

  97. Allan Williams says:

    You promised to give me a ring
    My condition for any boffing
    But no precious stone
    Just a call on the phone
    For that you get zero, nothing

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ate a doughnut, (a real tasty thing)
    Hit the spot, and it really had zing
    They are all made by hand
    At “The Dunkie Dunk” and
    It’s the closest I’ll come to a ring

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slight modification Old Wives Tale Acrostic (ring and fear) 4/7 10:21 AM

    F right’ning hunch: both my ears heard a ring
    E v’ry body knows that’s a bad thing:
    A warning, and hence
    R inging gives me a sense
    S omeone’s going to kill me this Spring

  100. stephen whitred says:

    Not all fear is visceral:

    Doctor Trump says you’ve nothing to lose
    ‘droxychloroquine’s what you should use
    It’s just one of the perks
    Of how lobbying works
    For Novartis, it’s really good news

  101. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’m so tired! I can’t cook one more thing!
    I’ll go sit for an hour on the swing —
    But if you touch one bite
    Before Seder tonight,
    Trust me, boychik, I’ll make your ears ring.

  102. Sharon Neeman says:

    Truly, Passover fills me with dread:
    Matzah sits in my stomach like lead;
    And it binds me up so
    That I’m not sure I’ll “go” —
    I’ll end up dropping brickbats instead.

  103. Tim Gray says:

    I think its really quite scary
    How you’re so cautious and wary.
    Second and third party views
    Are all deemed as fake news
    Why is that you’re so feary?

  104. Tim Gray says:

    If a word doesn’t exist
    And it’s not in a dictionary list
    Then have no fear
    Just make it appear
    As long as it has the right gist.

  105. Sharon Neeman says:

    Crystal balls, tarot cards, the I Ching,
    I’ve been asking them all the same thing:
    Until COVID’s decline,
    How much more must we pine,
    Sitting waiting for cellphones to ring?

  106. stephen whitred says:

    I’m as brave as a man in a frock
    So I’m sure it will come as a shock
    I’m afraid to be seen
    With a porn magazine
    Coming out of the store down the block

  107. Tim Gray says:

    Instead of being all about me
    You could try thinking of We.
    By learning to share
    And show that you care
    Easing you fears, will set you free.

  108. Sharon Neeman says:

    Fearful rabbis declare we’ll be dead
    If we celebrate Pesach with bread.
    I say: “God has more sense
    (Well, He must; He’s not Pence…);
    Can He kill superstition instead?”

  109. stephen whitred says:

    Jarred awake to the news on my phone
    And it’s makin’ me sad to the bone
    Heaven damn it all John
    Can’t believe that your gone
    I’m afraid how we’ll fare on our own

  110. Tim Gray says:

    Megan and I were having a fling
    When I said I’d give her a ring.
    When I asked her to marry
    She said, “Darling Harry,
    I never suspected a thing.”

  111. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A Dem dame had a drink with a MAGA;
    over Trump, MAGA seemed to be gaga.
    When he offered Kool-Aid,
    the Dem dame was afraid,
    so she chug-a-lugged six mugs of laga.

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    To my house, I must cautiously cling
    So this video chat’s a great thing
    It’s your birthday, my sweet
    Darling, here is your treat
    It’s a beautiful virtual ring

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Is this the same darling?

    To my house, I must cautiously cling
    So this video chat’s a great thing
    It’s your birthday, my love
    You’re my one turtle dove
    Here’s a beautiful virtual ring

  114. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Shouted Thal, “I’ve invented the ring!”
    Said Neander, “Go hide that damn thing.
    Chiseled rocks with round holes —
    what if one of them rolls?
    Thal, I fear what the future will bring!”

  115. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  116. Steve Whitred says:

    In those horror films girls are dispatched
    But I’ve never thought I would get snatched
    Cuz their endings get met
    In a lingerie set
    Whereas none of my underwear’s matched

  117. Amazzing says:

    Hail to Patron Saint Nancy Pelosi;
    “For far more pandemic money I plea;
    Hundreds of millions needed I fear,”
    (But not for the pandemic it’s clear),
    It’s for Endowment to the Arts don’t you see!

  118. Tim Gray says:

    For the richest country on earth
    Of humanity you have a dearth.
    Trumps hands will wring
    As the State Troopers fling
    Refugees off of your turf.

  119. Tim Gray says:

    The toreador in support in the ring,
    The picador with his spear to fling,
    The matador, drawn sword and cape,
    For the bull, there’ll be no escape
    And the crowd with a big “Ole!” sing.

  120. Tim Gray says:

    No fear…

    Said the fly, where shall I land?
    Mmm, that meat really looks grand.
    I can have a good feed,
    There’s much more than I need
    Then, SLAP! came down a big hand.

  121. Tim Gray says:

    With Donald Trump, it’s me, not we
    As is all politics you see.
    The fear is that there’s not enough,
    “I’ll die without all my stuff,”
    This state does not have to be.

    Though evident the world around
    More than plenty does abound,
    “Ours, not theirs”, our chorus sing
    While we prepare their necks to wring,
    No peace will e’er be found.

    To co-operate we must learn,
    For co-existence we must yearn,
    To cast off that power-crave lust,
    The fear and greed and mistrust,
    Respect, not buy, but earn.

  122. Brian Allgar says:

    A fitting choice

    We’re frightened to go into town,
    And ‘Corona’ is getting us down,
    So we’re taking our ease
    With some fine DVDs –
    At the moment, we’re watching ‘The Crown’.

  123. Brian Allgar says:


    “You are old, Father Trump”, says the schmuck,
    “And yet you continue to fuck
    Every pretty co-ed
    You can lure to your bed –
    Don’t you fear you will run out of luck?”

    “In my youth”, the fake President wheezes,
    ”I survived many sexual diseases.
    This virus, I’m told,
    Is no worse than a cold –
    Believe ME, I’m not frightened of sneezes!”

  124. Steve Benko says:

    So much bullshit each day he can sling
    That the President’s neck I could wring.
    Though his plan with the virus
    Towards Dems is to fire us,
    To life till November I’ll cling.

  125. Steve Benko says:

    Until now, I quite happily paid
    When the need would arise to get laid.
    With protection, the risk
    Was just slipping a disc,
    But mere breathing now makes me afraid.

  126. Steve Benko says:

    “From the virus, our nation I’ve spared,”
    Said Donald, “No need to be scared.
    Stand close when you gab,
    And more pussy you’ll grab,”
    He went on, and we’re now unprepared.

  127. Dave Johnson says:

    It’s now become perfectly clear
    Our nation has plenty to fear.
    To fuel our demise,
    Trump incessantly lies
    While nitwit Repugnicans cheer.

  128. Caram Beri says:

    There once was a very young thing
    Who learnt how to dance and to sing
    She pursued a wrangler
    In secret a strangler
    She ended up getting a wring.

    A tiger who bounced in the ring
    Was asked for the secret of his spring
    He said I am strong
    By reason of bong
    It sends me up high like a swing.

    The citizens said to the king,
    The virus will death to us bring.
    The king said No fear
    Go swallow some beer
    And hope not to die before spring.

  129. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As he bent on one knee with a ring
    And proposed, he then started to sing.
    A good voice failed to be.
    It rang flat as the sea
    “It’s a shame you’re off key, Ding-a-ling!”

  130. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As I fear the upcoming election,
    I am counting on natural selection.
    All the clowns in Trump’s car
    And the White House ain’t far
    From becoming a garbage collection.

  131. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    If a spider should bite you, the thing
    That the bite soon will form is a ring.
    Here’s where no one’s immune
    See a doctor real soon
    Or I’ll come to your fune’ral and sing.

  132. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    What I fear more than snakes, bears, wild dogs
    Or a spear or earthquakes, pois’nous frogs
    There’s no large enough broom
    Which kills spiders that loom
    Worse than speedboats that zoom through dense fogs!

  133. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Oops, there was a second verse which came with the above one but I pressed the Submit button by mistake. @#%?&! Starting over…

    (true story)

    What I fear more than snakes, bears, wild dogs
    Or a spear or earthquakes, pois’nous frogs
    There’s no large enough broom
    Which kills spiders that loom
    More than speedboats that zoom through dense fogs!

    And it isn’t a phobia, my dear
    Definition – illogical fear.
    Well, the logic is there
    Hell, if you feel no scare,
    It’s too late then, to care, so steer clear!

  134. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    When this COVID thing’s over and done
    And the battle is finally won
    Though it’s better for all,
    I do fear I must crawl
    Back to work; no more solitude fun!

    I could eat, sleep and fart any time,
    Play guitar, walk the cat, write a rhyme,
    Stay up late (ain’t it great?)
    Do no housework and wait
    Till I’ve used my last plate; it’s sublime!

  135. Delano Britt says:

    Life has a certain ring.
    At times it makes you wanna sing.
    If you feel well enough.
    To call its bluff.
    You might be able to make it a fling.

  136. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 442. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Fuse.