Limerick-Off Award (329)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to JEAN MCEWEN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Here’s a verse for a sympathy card:
“I regret that your life’s been so hard.
But mine’s been much worse
So I just can’t disburse
Any pity for you.” (Signed, “The Bard.”)

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special HOBBY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

A couple went out one fine day
Watching birds (as they later would say).
They agreed to begin
With a cardinal sin
And to end by enjoying a jay.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tim James, Tim Gray, Roger Haugen, David Kay a/k/a LimeriTweets a/k/a WoodyGuth3, Bill Pfeil, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Brian Allgar:

A.G. Barr plays the Potus’s card,
The “Can’t be indicted” canard.
This lying old creep
Sells his honor too cheap;
Let us hope that he’ll soon be disBarred.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

It’s important! You must disregard
Certain mail, even though it is hard.
Throw it right in the trash
As quick as a flash,
If it says, “Pre-approved Credit Card.”

Tim James:

I once knew a guy named Bernard
Who held gals in the lowest regard.
When he met one buff lass,
He grabbed hold of her ass.
I sent him a nice get-well card.

Tim Gray:

If you want to be feathered and tarred,
Tell the truth on Trump’s golfing score card.
Just double the score,
So a two putt means four,
But prepare to be roasted and charred.

Roger Haugen:

He grunted and sweated and sparred,
Tuning up for the big boxing card;
But worst came to worst–
Knocked out in the first;
All that work couldn’t shed enough lard.

David Kay:

Your contest just caught me off guard,
And your rules truly make it quite hard.
I’ll give it a shot
With the best that I got,
But I’ll have to bring in a Trump card.


Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Writing lim’ricks is quite an obsession;
You burst with creative expression.
Is it just a pursuit
To be clever or cute?
(Or is it demonic possession?)

Brian Allgar:

Our beloved Commander-in-Chief
Is heaving a sigh of relief.
His “hobby,” so lewd,
Will remain unpursued.
“Poor Jeffrey!” he cries, with fake grief.

Bill Pfeil:

The show’s graphic and gross! Viewers cringe;
It is vulgar TV on the fringe.
Moral decency? None!
“But it’s brilliant and fun,”
‘Rick and Morty’ fans say as they binge.

Tim James:

I was sick, bored, confined to my bed,
So my wife gave me needle and thread.
“It’s embroid’ry. Explore it!”
I’d no talent for it.
“Stick with it!” was all that she said.

Jean McEwen:

A drum majorette, past her heyday,
Was suddenly heard to cry “MAY DAY!”–
As her aim (inexact)
Got her skull whacked and cracked.
(Now she twirls just for fun, not a payday.)

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

I tried to get into the groove
And ski till I’d surely improve.
But I really got scared
And just wasn’t prepared
For the sign: “CAUTION: Trees Do Not Move!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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5 Responses to “Limerick-Off Award (329)”

  1. Here am I, who am surely a pro
    And I’m feeling just like a yo-yo!
    My computer’s the string
    I’m attached to this thing
    And gosh darn it, it won’t let me go!

  2. Roger Haugen says:

    The Internet’s glorious mess,
    Is a hazard to all, nonetheless;
    It opens the gate
    To rivers of hate,
    Where bigots find true happiness

  3. Roger Haugen says:

    It’s such a conundrum to know
    If one should be anti or pro;
    But riding the fence
    Defies common sense,
    And condemns one to go with the flow.

  4. Jean McEwen says:

    Those nude selfies that Dick and I took,
    Which featured Dick’s dick and my nook,
    Have now somehow gone viral,
    Igniting a spiral
    Of stalkers (punk crooks, in my book).

  5. Jean McEwen says:

    I searched for a slick portmanteau
    Merging both sound and meaning with “pro.”
    But I failed in my quest,
    So I guess that the best
    I can do is to effortforgo.