Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CRANK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 18, 2019)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CRANK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INTIMIDATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INTIMIDATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 19, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 18, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CRANK-rhyme limerick:

James Patterson snarfs up the space
On shelves at a breath-taking pace.
The fellow can crank
Out best-sellers. His bank
Account brands him a book-making ace.

And here is my INTIMIDATION limerick:

If your bite is much worse than your bark,
The fear you instill can be stark.
So be careful in wielding
Your power; unyielding
Displays ain’t a walk in the park.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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106 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CRANK at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 18, 2019)”

  1. Folks, General Barr is no crank!
    Trump’s shipping gold bars to his bank:
    plums Putin provided
    so we’ll stay divided,
    so it’s really the Bear Barr should thank!

  2. Trump will intimidate
    even his wife and best mate.
    Who cares about sinning?
    It’s all about winning!
    (But please don’t investigate.)

  3. Lisi Nortman says:


    It’s essential that bullies should know
    Their behavior is much worse than low
    If they keep up that teasing
    It won’t be so pleasing
    When at last, they will reap what they sow

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    In high school, I knew a mean bloke
    Who purposely tried to provoke
    So much trembling and tears
    Aimed at all of his peers
    That it went way beyond a cute joke


  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald, a clown and a crank,
    Played Russian Roulette as a prank.
    But no harm was done
    When he fired the gun –
    Both his brain and the bullet were blank.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    She heard from her friends that I drank
    And said, “Let’s go to “Hotel La Swank”
    But she taunted and teased
    And I wasn’t real pleased
    Cause this girl was just yankin’ my crank

  7. John Shardlow says:

    Designed by the engineer Frank
    A machine made to help with a wank
    It failed (just between us)
    And whipped off his penis
    Due to over speed of the crank

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Although Barr is a creep and a crank,
    He’s no worse than the rest, to be frank.
    In the Senate committee,
    His answers were shitty,
    But Reps never noticed he stank.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    “My sex life is over!” moaned Hank.
    “I guess I forgot how to wank.”
    Said his old buddy, Buck,
    “Well, it’s just like my truck –
    To start it up, give it a crank.”

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Vladimir, “Do as I say,
    Or those hooker tapes see light of day.
    You have one little task,
    And is not much to ask –
    To destroy the entire USA.”

  11. John Shardlow says:

    As you walked in, I have to be frank
    I had you down as a crank
    You’re wearing my knickers
    And want to take pictures
    But only paid for a wank

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    The lady who works at my bank
    Complains ’bout her husband named Frank!
    All I want is some cash
    This bitch gives me a rash
    I’m damn sick of her kvetch and her crank!

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear Limericks,

    I’m here to thank
    You for making me feel Oh So Swank!
    I try to write one
    But I’ve written a ton
    Out I crank. Then go on. And crank crank.

    (Sincerely, Lisi)

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    A slightly modified version of “Limerick Letter” (L4)

    Dear Limericks,

    I’m here to thank
    You for making me feel Oh So Swank!
    I try to write one
    But son of a gun
    Out I crank. Then go on. And crank crank.

    (Sincerely, Lisi)

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    Watching the news, he shuddered and shrank.
    A guy’s not a machine you can crank,
    Now is no time to scoff,
    Take your lingerie off,
    Then take him in your hand, gently yank.

  16. John Shardlow says:

    Not quite the religious conversion
    A threat by the Mob and coercion
    Victims all disappear
    In a baptism of fear
    Followed by total immersion

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Susie: age 8” (Intimidation)

    Oh Boy! I am really a mess!
    What happened you’ll just never guess
    This boy in third grade
    Got me super afraid
    When he threw up all over my dress!

  18. Lisi Nortman says:


    Mom set it up; I didn’t choos ‘er!
    And surely I did not abuse ‘er!
    So why did she cry
    When I told her that I
    Think that’s she’s “one ugly loser?”

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband’s a real grumpy crank!
    I remember those days when he drank:
    He’d say, “Suck it, my dear”
    (I’d reply very clear)
    “Where is it? I think that it shrank”

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    He’s frenzied! His mind is a blank!
    He is cackling and smells really rank!
    Hurry up; grab his pills
    I’m gettin’ the chills
    And for goodness sake, dump all that crank!

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think I’m in love with Sweet Frank
    I just know that this guy ain’t no crank
    He is so very gentle
    And quite sentimental
    And gives me one slammin’ hot spank

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Heavens, How Intimidating!”

    Stole my dresses and what do ‘ya know!
    She hemmed them and off she did go!
    Now they’re too short for me
    And I’m hoping that she
    Will reap what she slyly did sew

  23. Jean McEwen says:

    My chum Trixie and I liked to yank
    The chain of Miss Prissy, the crank
    School lunch lady (viewed,
    By most all, as a prude)
    So we’d flash her our tits as a prank.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    A PROPER! Thank You Note!

    Dear Lim’riks,

    I gratefully thank
    You for making me feel Oh So Swank!
    I try to write one
    But son of a gun
    Out I crank. Then go on. And crank crank!

    (Sincerely, Lisi Lim’rik Lover)

  25. David Friedman says:

    There once was a robot named Frank
    Who had to be wound with a crank
    And once he was wound
    He’d just circle round
    Giving his crank shaft a wank.

  26. Tim Gray says:

    The old Model T needs a crank
    To start it out of the rank.
    It’s been sitting outside
    For many a tide,
    So the inside is smelly and dank.

  27. Tim Gray says:

    Not only are you a crank
    You’re also a bit of a wank.
    I’m gonna warn
    Stay clear of our dorm
    Or prison, yourself, you can thank.

  28. Tim Gray says:

    I was a soccer buff
    And really knew my stuff.
    Often on the flank
    I’d play a “Crank”
    Which was a double bluff.

  29. Tim Gray says:

    He looked at me kinda blank,
    As if I was some sort of crank.
    “What’s that you say
    You’re not pro-NRA?”
    When I’d said being a gun-owner stank.

  30. Tim Gray says:

    This protest is a bit quiet,
    We could turn it into a riot.
    But accountants are dull
    And not too easy to lull,
    So I don’t think that they would try it.

  31. Tim Gray says:

    We initially thought he’s a crank
    But he only wanted a spank.
    The dominatrix obliged
    As he wriggled and writhed,
    And he said, “That’s the best. I must Thank.”

  32. Tim Gray says:

    I gave an almighty yank
    But the engine just wouldn’t crank.
    Then we said so,
    Well give it a tow,
    And the fender fell clankity-clank.

  33. Tim Gray says:

    Slight variation of the above…

    I gave an almighty yank
    But the engine just wouldn’t crank.
    So, going for broke,
    We attached a tow rope,
    And the fender fell off with a clank.

  34. Tim Gray says:

    I’m an addict, and once I drank,
    But I lost my job at the bank.
    Now here on the street,
    Avoiding the Heat,
    A “friend” supplies me with Crank.

  35. Doug Harris says:

    A handle for starting those tanks,
    Eccentric or grouchy (no thanks!),
    A verbal conceit
    And my range is complete,
    Take your pick of my multiple cranks.

  36. Tim James says:

    Multitalented polyglot Sue’s
    Got a math Ph.D. Her IQ’s
    Genius-level, sky-high.
    But that threatened her guy,
    So he now dates a gal at Fox News.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    J uanita felt very deep fear
    (U seless taunting just made it so clear)
    M any classmates would teas’er
    P eople sure couldn’t eas’er
    Y outhful traumas can be quite severe


  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    P enelope always loved Frank
    R eally thinking that he was so swank
    A ccidentally, she
    N oticed that he
    K issed all of her friends. What a crank!


  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Frank Is Cheating” (modified to make more sense: L1)

    P enelope’s dating “Sweet Frank”
    R eally thinking that he’s “Oh So Swank”
    A ccidentally, she
    N oticed that he
    K issed all of her friends. What a crank!


  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think that most guys are insane!
    How ’bout this one; can someone explain?
    “I love you Marie
    You intimidate me”
    Why IS that? (Cause I have a BRAIN?)

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Father Knows Best”

    My “Baby Girl” can’t have a MATE!
    I’ve a scheme that just works out real great:
    When a boy comes to call
    I make him feel small
    I call it “In Tim I (Da) Date”

  42. John Shardlow says:

    Ismail-Jazarī (1136–1206‫(‬

    We have the Arabs to thank
    For the man who first sketched the crank
    It helped save his from daughter
    From carrying water
    She pumped it from wells that they sank

  43. John Shardlow says:

    Crystal meth to a Yank may be crank
    Poor skunk to a Brit might be skank
    Just better stay cleaner
    ‘Cos this misdemeanour
    Could land you all in the tank

  44. John Shardlow says:

    Hospitality it’s best not abuse
    Lest there’s cement in your shoes
    From Don Corleone
    For just one night only
    An offer you cannot refuse

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    He ridiculed me for no reasin’
    I must tell you it sure wasn’t pleasin’
    It made me so tearful
    (I’d just had an earful)
    And last, told him “Stop all that teasin”

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    I drank seven whole glasses of wine
    Cuz today I’m sure not feelin’ fine
    In my mud pack and cap
    My sweet “hub” took a snap
    And posted it quickly on line

  47. Tim James says:

    She was short, came from Maine, and she drank,
    But by golly, in bed she could crank.
    Her man’s love life was flat,
    But she cured him of that.
    All he needed was one little Yank.

  48. Bruce McGuffin says:

    Donald T. went on Twitter to crank
    That his businesses didn’t all tank.
    “For plebeians a loss
    May be bad but a boss
    Like me laughs all the way to the bank.”

  49. Ken Gosse says:

    Someone’s Drawn a Bl[redacted] ~
    A bad prank has been played on this crank.
    From my limericks, they redacted “ank,”
    Now I sit on the can,
    Broken hearted old man,
    Writing limericks on walls while I y[redacted].

  50. Ken Gosse says:

    Chin Up, Eyes Front! ~
    You can’t intimidate me
    Though you stare while I water this tree,
    Because I must make haste
    In displacing the waste
    Of traditional afternoon tea.

  51. Tim Gray says:


    Tenuous was her grip
    As she put his shank to her lip
    “Oh come on”, he said
    “Crank it up. Give me head.”
    So she took a sharp bite of his tip.

  52. Tim Gray says:

    Lies, damn lies and politics,
    Trump seems to know all the tricks.
    His lie machine crank
    Has a glowing hot shank…
    There’s nothing that he can’t fix!

  53. Tim Gray says:

    Self Intimidation?

    Some don’t do because that is right
    But don’t do because of Law’s might.
    They’re troubled and fraught
    Of the chance they’ll be caught,
    When they could have just stayed lily-white.

  54. Tim Gray says:

    It may be a bomb, but don’t mock it,
    This baby goes like a rocket.
    We’ve adjusted the crank,
    Put avgas in the tank
    And re-geared the back sprocket.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hard Times”

    Oh Honey, please don’t be a crank!
    We’re bailed out and cannot rob the bank!
    No more Sirloin or Strip
    So just please get a grip
    Cuz from now on, I’m cooking you Flank.

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: L5 of above limerick : From now on, I’m cooking you Flank
    Could you please add the word “Cuz”
    So it will read: Cuz from now on, I’m cooking you Flank

    Thank You,



  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Academic Intimidation”

    I’m frightened of math (wanna die)
    I try hard yet it still makes me cry!
    My Prof said “Calm down
    And get rid of that frown
    Cuz it’s really as easy as Pi “

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    a modified previous acrostic limerick: “Intimidation” (better)

    J uanita felt very deep fear
    U seless taunting sure made it so clear
    M ost classmates would teas’er
    P eople couldn’t appeas’er
    Y outhful traumas can be quite severe

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    I knew a gal, Oh! what a char’ma
    Who thought that nobody could harm’a
    She charged real high fees
    Just to taunt and to tease
    Till one day her client was Karma


  60. John Shardlow says:

    A Frenchman, Monsieur Leblanc
    Was out on a ship when it sank
    On an island deserted
    He became quite quite perverted
    With hole in a plank, what a crank!

  61. John Shardlow says:

    I’m sorry to cause alarm and distress
    But I need you to talk, nonetheless
    That severed head in your bed
    May fill you with dread
    The Godfather only asks you, confess!

  62. Tim Gray says:

    Melania, do as I say,
    Or for you there’ll be no pay day.
    I’ll simply get rid
    Like the others I did,
    And send you skint on your way.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Work Place Intimidation”

    The copier moans and it groans
    It scares me right down to the bones
    So now I’ll pursue
    A tactic that’s new:
    I’ll sing to it, using low tones

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Computer Intimidation”

    At my laptop, I’ll no longer gawk
    And I’ve got a good reason to squawk:
    When I go on a site
    I am filled with such fright
    Cuz it keeps saying, “We need to talk”

  65. John Bergstrom says:

    There’s Tank, Bank, Rank and Dank
    And Prank and Stank and Skank
    They’re creepy and crude
    Unpleasant and rude
    Those words that rhyme with Crank.

  66. Ken Gosse says:

    Kick Your Own Butt! ~
    Intimidation’s an elf
    Who belongs out of reach, on a shelf.
    For quick inspiration
    And strong motivation
    Try outtimidating yourself.

  67. P Diane Schneider says:

    The neighbors all knew the old crank
    He’d pull out his member and wank
    Continued to play
    Whilst wishing “Good day!”
    And even worse was that he stank!

  68. P Diane Schneider says:

    When he showed up her heart sank
    His hair was so greasy and lank
    The handshake was moist
    As he sought to foist
    A kiss on the cheek-also dank

  69. John Shardlow says:

    Pepin the Short was a Frank
    He was left in the wash by a crank
    This ruler was tall
    Now he’s quite small
    The lank king who shrank in a prank

  70. John Shardlow says:

    Do you get calls on the phone that are crank
    Inviting the listener to spank
    Some parts of his torso
    (He may mention more) so
    You just know that he’s having a wank

  71. John Shardlow says:

    It’s dark in this cell and it’s dank
    I have my lawyer to thank
    For this crap location
    Not free on probation
    ‘Cos he went to a law school that’s crank

  72. John Shardlow says:

    You’re not going to end this affair
    For bad things, you’d better prepare
    Don’t think that it’s funny
    I’ll be boiling your bunny
    Wherever you hide, I’ll be there

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    The gun totin’ brutes of this nation
    So ruthlessly feel inspiration
    To taunt and abuse
    Cuz all of them use
    An “M.O’ called intimidation.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Doctors! Get Me Out Of Here!

    I regret that I have to admit
    Most doctors are all full of shit
    They say what’s not true
    When they all inform you:
    “Don’t worry; this won’t hurt a bit”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Pet Intimidation”

    I have a real bad situation
    Which causes me much degradation
    My dog runs away
    Cuz with me he won’t play
    He’s scary. I need a vacation.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Salesman Intimidation”

    He came here to sell an alarm
    He said, “It will keep you from harm
    Cuz you might just get killed
    Gee! you won’t be so thrilled
    And will keep you from buy’in the farm”

  77. Tim Gray says:

    Release the report or we’ll teach you,
    Even then we may impeach you.
    If we cannot get through
    To the ethical you,
    We’ll use a sledgehammer to reach you.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Doctor Drill”

    You get poked with a big iron pick
    This guy is so scary and slick
    Then a needle goes in
    He still has that grin
    And the rest of the day, you’re real sick

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve tried hard to change the locality
    In hopes that I’ll feel some normality
    What intimidates me
    (Now it’s clear as can be)
    Is ev’ry small part of reality

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    another way of expressing it:

    I think that I’ve reached my finality:
    I never shall feel a normality
    What intimidates me
    (Now it’s clear as can be)
    Is ev’ry small part of reality

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Spousal Intimidation”

    The times that I feel under stress
    For which words cannot duly express:
    Are when “wifey” comes near
    And I’m riddled with fear
    On those days that she has PMS

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Gastroenterology Intimidation” (guess the procedure)

    It gives you a whole lot of gas
    And it’s something you’d sure like to pass
    You feel like a boob
    Cuz your “doc” takes this tube
    Which goes 500 feet up your ass

  83. Daisy Ward says:

    A young man and his friends got crank
    When money sat on a bank
    Their eyeballs popped out
    Drool fell from their mouths
    Got caught now they’re the missing link

  84. Daisy Ward says:

    A man’s face caused intimidation
    Bad ass boxing champ of the nation
    He threw a hard punch
    Then sat and had lunch
    He was more than just a creation

  85. Tim Gray says:

    The Fourth of July will be
    A celebration all about me.
    I’ll change the locale
    Away from the Mall…
    You’re gone if you don’t agree.

  86. Jack Ritter says:

    Kane said the last word must be “crank.”
    So I tried, but I just drew a blank.
    You rivals, I’ve heard,
    have solved the last word.
    No doubt, you will earn higher rank.

  87. A coup is about to transpire
    with Trump wanting to be called sire,
    and guarding each flank
    are his base taking crank
    just as they were three years prior.

  88. Jane Hoffman says:

    There once was a terrible crank.
    The crew finally yelled, “Walk the plank!”
    He died still complaining
    Because it was raining
    While into the water he sank.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Intimidating Expression”

    I’ve got a mean look on my face
    Most folks think it’s just disgrace
    Yet it keeps them afar
    They should stay where they are
    Cuz, really, I DO need my space!

  90. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    I’m sorry I’ve not managed to crank
    Out a lim’rick for Mad, I’ll be frank
    From my toe to my crown
    I’ve been up, I’ve been down
    And mostly been drawing a blank.

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Intimidation vs. Imitation”

    Imitation can charm and be nice
    When it’s mean, it will feel more like vice
    But intimidation
    Can cause desperation
    And make you feel colder than ice

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: Can you please change Can cause desperation (L4) of above limerick
    to Can cause degradation (That is what I meant to say)

    Thank You


    But then you’d be “rhyming” dation and dation.

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Try! (Thank You)

    “Intimidation vs. Imitation”

    Imitation can charm and be nice
    Though when mean, it will feel more like vice
    But INtimidation
    Might cause isolation
    And make you feel colder than ice

  94. David Friedman says:

    Intimidation’s the art
    Of setting oneself quite apart
    By being a brute
    Instead of astute,
    Talented, skillful or smart.

  95. Tim James says:

    A man who was known as a crank
    Gave a woman a pat on the flank.
    What she said was so foul
    In her subsequent howl,
    To convey it, I’d have to say [blank].

  96. Ken Gosse says:

    How He Keeps It Up at Night ~
    For Trump, power goes to his head.
    As a narcissist, he needs to spread
    All over our nation:
    He tweets off alone in his bed.

  97. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  98. Fred Bortz says:

    A two-verse twofer:

    The lenders who ran Deutsche Bank
    Decided to finance a crank,
    A son of a bitch
    Who claimed he was rich
    Though his bankruptcy record just stank.

    Perhaps they were cowed by his power
    And funded his ego-fueled tower.
    Though they used other words,
    The deal soon turned to turds,
    And the stench sent them all to the shower.

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    another take on 2 previous limericks

    I QUIT !! I have reached the finality!
    I’m lost in my quest for normality!
    What intimidates me
    (I’ts now so clear to see)
    Is ev-er-y part of reality

  100. Roger Haugen says:

    Intimidation’s a useful technique
    When the target’s the poor or the meek;
    But give it a shot
    To someone who’s not,
    And your bluster goes right up the creek.

  101. Brian Allgar says:

    The President threatens to stay
    For an extra two years. In dismay,
    Voters scream “No! Oh, no!
    To persuade him to go,
    How much would he want us to pay?”

  102. Brian Allgar says:

    “Iran”, Bolton screams, “Is a nation
    Impervious to intimidation.
    What we need is a war,
    ’Cause I’m hankering for
    A huge nuclear-bomb conflagration.”

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The difference between intimate and intimidate”

    When “intimate,” people are close
    But “intimidate’s” daunting and gross
    Thus, combining the two
    You might meet someone who
    Says, “I’m hot for you Babe. Adios”

  104. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald has found the solution
    To end Democrats’ persecution.
    “Intimidate me?
    Just try it – you’ll see
    That you’re banned in my New Constitution!”

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad:1 limerick above: “The difference between intimate and intimidate”
    is missing a very important comma! Line 1 should read When intimate, people are close. Please add that comma for me if you have time
    Thank You



  106. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 322. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Dump.