Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRIN or CHAGRIN at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRIN or CHAGRIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POLICE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POLICE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 5, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 4, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my GRIN-Rhyme limerick:

“You’re meeting my folks, so be nice.
Please pretend that you’re sugar and spice.
That’s a smirk; not a grin.
Can’t you smile? Lose the gin
And behave, or you won’t see them twice.”

And here’s my POLICE-Themed limerick:

A fellow was sick of the grind
And desp’rate to go and unwind.
But relaxing was hard;
He was always on guard,
Cuz a cop never knows what he’ll find.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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143 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRIN or CHAGRIN at the end of any one line”

  1. Amazzing says:

    University men acquiesced not to be pushy;
    But compared to cops they’re just wussies;
    Then when a professional lady,
    Looks for a desirable matey,
    Male equals are no more than pussies.

  2. Ken Gosse says:

    Prejudicial Dismissal ~
    There once was a dark, stormy knight,
    Whose defense wasn’t quite watertight,
    But strong chin and cute grin
    Were a sure bet to win—
    For the judge, it was love at first cite.

  3. Ken Gosse says:

    Grinn and Finn: Mob Clowns ~
    I shouldn’t have let them come in,
    But they gave me that silly clown grin;
    Then I lost my head
    Fearing I’d soon be dead,
    So I slipped them a quick Mickey Finn.

  4. Ken Gosse says:

    Wanderland ~
    When my brain starts to go on the fritz,
    At the office, at home, or the Ritz,
    I start wandring around
    And I’ve often been found
    By police, though they can’t find my wits.

  5. Thinking of Trump makes me grin:
    I imagine glass walls caving in
    And that fat flabby ass
    Exposed, belching gas
    That ignites and devours his kin.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    Pastor said I’ve committed a sin
    But, jeepers! It sure made me spin
    So now I need pills
    For my unrighteous ills
    Cause it really hurts bad when I grin

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Chief Of Police is my lover
    He whispered,”My sweet you’ll discover:
    I am always at work
    My post I won’t shirk
    And I’m notably great under cover”

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    When dancing, I swing and I spin
    But my pastor said, “Dear that’s a sin”
    There is no one to blame
    Now I’m drowning in shame
    And I feel such cha cha cha cha grin

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    I stare at the scale with chagrin,
    It confirms that I’m still too thin,
    But most high calorie foods,
    Not good, research concludes,
    Be healthy or curvy? Can’t win!

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    I’ll react with more than chagrin
    If the Dems don’t once again win.
    I won’t go very far,
    Just to the nearest bar,
    And drown all my sorrows in gin.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    Come watch the rainbow pinwheel spin
    Such fun, I break out in a grin.
    The wind blew it quite fast,
    Lovely color contrast.
    Escape from cares; what might have been.

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    He looked at her, gave a charming grin,
    Come on, babe, one kiss isn’t a sin.
    Not much more to say,
    She learned the hard way.
    If you won’t finish, never begin.

  13. P Diane Schneider says:


    The officer then took the stand
    He pointed him out with his hand
    And said with a grin
    The wages of sin
    Should be that he’s going to get canned

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Joe’s been committing a sin!
    (Something tells me I’ll just never win)
    And here’s how I know
    That he’s one big fat schmo:
    I detected a sly subtle grin

  15. Jean McEwen says:

    Last night, when my Siamese twin
    Overdid it with Beefeater Gin,
    She and I both got smashed.
    Now, hung over, abashed,
    We’ve a mutual sense of chagrin.

  16. Jean McEwen says:

    When you’re drunk, heading back from the bar,
    And a trooper pulls over your car,
    There’s no point in insisting
    You’re sober; resisting
    Arrest just won’t get you that far.

  17. Andy Sewina says:

    Nice one Mad! Here’s my attempt :

    The marathon she wanted to win
    with a broken leg she had to grin
    she walked with such grace
    at such a cool pace
    disappointed to lose what a sin

  18. The Mueller report is now done
    and out (minus pages–a ton?),
    and Trump can just grin
    behind his chagrin
    and yell to his base that he won.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Wise Man approached with a grin
    Said “Cheating is not a true sin”
    “If your very sweet wife
    Causes unneeded strife
    Get a back up; it’s known as win win”

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby” said “Keep up that grin”
    “When you bet, take it under the chin”
    “If you win or you lose
    Never get the sad blues
    What’s important, is just that you win”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “facts of life” made Bobby grin
    When I told him “They’re never a sin”
    He seemed very glad
    And asked, “By the way, Dad
    Just when does this fun all begin?”

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Exorcist” sure made me grin!
    That movie got under my skin!
    I told people I know
    “You must go see this show;
    It will really just make your head spin”

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was silent, not even a grin!
    We were spellbound, (a soft violin)
    Even though so intense
    It sure made no sense
    That we couldn’t hear “sis” drop that pin

  24. John Shardlow says:

    First sight, when out for a swim
    A glimpse of triangular fin
    Somethings not right,
    Is that a Great White?
    Your last, that wide toothy grin

  25. John Shardlow says:

    Don’t give me that Cheshire Cat grin
    I know you’ve committed a sin
    Don’t blame the puppies
    It’s you ate the cookies
    Your chance of forgiveness is slim

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    I must say that cop was sure vexed
    Not to mention extremely perplexed
    When he said, “Stop right now!”
    John said, “Sir, I’ll avow
    But I’m rushing so send me a text”

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    My girlfriend sure knows “where it’s at”
    Word for word, she has got it down pat!
    When a cop comes her way
    She’ll repeatedly say:
    “I didn’t know I couldn’t DO that”

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    The cops these days sure aren’t svelte
    (And with many of them I have dealt)
    You can run away fast
    Their momentum won’t last
    Due to all of that shit on their belt.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    This report just gets under my skin!
    I can’t even force one small grin!
    Why do lawyers keep using
    Them words so confusing
    Like “The Corpse Of Delecti’s Within”

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Minor Revision: L5

    This report just gets under my skin!
    I cannot even force one small grin!
    Why do lawyers keep using
    Them words so confusing
    Like “The Corpse Of Delecti’s Now In”

  31. Lisi Nortman says:


    My girlfriend sure knows “where it’s at”
    Word for word, she has got it down pat!
    When a cop comes her way
    She’ll repeatedly say:
    “Did not realize I couldn’t do that”

  32. Dave Johnson says:

    A Playboy was born…

    Most magazines boring within,
    One started uncovering skin.
    As models undressed,
    Reservations expressed
    Were met with “Just bare it and grin.”

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    Now, much to our nation’s chagrin,
    The Donald is spinning his “win”.
    You’d think that the jerk
    Would just show up for work;
    Without all this loony bin din.

  34. Neil Hood says:

    With kudos to one from the past

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Whose cock was so long he could suck it
    He said with a grin
    As he wiped off his chin
    If I had bigger ear I’d fuck it

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    The nuptial’s about to begin
    And the bride has a baby within
    Then after she’s wed
    She must go straight ahead
    To live at the Inn Of Chagrin

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    S omeone found out about my dark sin
    (H ow it happened, I just can’t begin)
    A man in a bar
    M ade me feel like a star
    E v’ry day I feel pangs of chagrin


  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Al Capone sure had one cunning grin
    Handled all of his work from “within”
    Using all of his wits
    He put out the “hits”
    Then paid with the wages of sin

  38. Lisi Nortman says:


    Al Capone sure had one cunning grin
    Handled all of the work from “within”
    Using solely his wits
    He put out the “hits”
    Then paid with the wages of sin

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A T.V. Quiz” (guess who)

    All over the world we tuned in
    To the guy with a prominent chin
    His “bits” were amusing
    We weren’t caught snoozing
    He bestowed us an ear-to-ear grin!

    (hint: J.L.)

  40. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Mad,” I said, “I’ve committed no crimes;
    Still, I’ll have to sit out a few times.
    There’s no cop on my tail –
    I’m just troubled and pale;
    I’ll be back when I feel up to rhymes.”

    Now my life is a little more stable,
    And at last I’ve returned, now I’m able.
    If I state with a grin,
    “I won’t say where I’ve been,”
    Will I still have an “in” at your table?

  41. John Shardlow says:

    It could be worse, but what if
    The police broke in, caught a whiff
    They’d arrest in a flash
    If they found her pot stash
    And caught Grandma smoking a spliff

  42. Ken Gosse says:

    Sheesh! ~ (modified from a 2014 Limerick-Off)
    To walk my dog, I bought a leash
    With a collar which had quick-releash,
    But I fell on my keesh
    And lost all of my teesh
    as it snagged when he chased the poleesh.

  43. Roger Haugen says:

    His mood is much worse than chagrin,
    From a gigantic cleft in his chin;
    The hole is so deep
    It ruins his sleep,
    When the mites and the bedbugs crawl in.

  44. Tim James says:

    A gambler, his face in a grin,
    Took a gal to his place for some sin.
    Well-known as a joker,
    He started to poke ‘er
    And quipped as he did: “I’m all in!”

  45. Sharon Neeman says:

    As I walk my big dog through the city,
    The joy on her face is so pretty!
    The expression it’s in
    Is… well, not quite a grin:
    It’s more like a Smile of Great Pittie.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those hummingbirds have a big grin
    They fly backwards and make my head spin!
    I wondered just why
    So I asked Chirp Chirp Guy
    And he said “So we’ll know where we’ve been”

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    I had such an ear-to- ear grin
    When I found my old story book tin
    From Munich I hail
    And just loved this old tale:
    “I Am Sam Yes I Am Yes Ich Bin”

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    We’re exactly alike: me and Lynn
    We fool everyone (giggle and grin)
    One Christmas of late
    We got something so great!
    Called A Bicycle Built For A Twin

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    The siren was blaring, UNREAL!
    So I had to make one cool sweet deal!
    I said, “Officer, please
    I am sure not a tease
    Hop right in you bad boy; cop a feel”

  50. John Shardlow says:

    There’s a breakout to report, Sarge
    That clairvoyant we held on a charge
    The diminutive guy
    Just waved us goodbye
    There’s now a small medium at large

  51. Brian Allgar says:

    The White House zoo

    A gorilla with bright orange skin
    And a vast hippopotamus chin –
    Can you guess who I meant?
    Yes, it’s your President!
    (Did I mention his crocodile grin ?)

  52. John Shardlow says:

    Superman’s got a new hobby
    He robs guests in the Radisson lobby
    He dons a red cape
    And make his escape
    Pursued by an Oxford Street bobby

  53. Amazzing says:

    The liberal socialist woke folk make me grin;
    To forgive $50,000 in student debt their all in;
    Student debt I paid off like a fool,
    Missed out on this givernment tool,
    Suing for reparations is where I’ll begin.

    Democratic socialist is an oxymoron;
    It’s a self serving name that is but a con;
    They claim this status with a snarky grin,
    They rip on Christians so it’s not a sin,
    But ask about failures of socialism and they’re gone.

    Hatred of our country makes Lefties driven;
    Even death row inmates the right to vote should be given;
    But police officers are rebelling,
    Without law enforcement crime is not quelling,
    Lefty loon administrators allow criminals easy livin’.

  54. Tim James says:

    A cop pulled me over, it’s true,
    When I’d had a martini or two.
    (Maybe three…maybe five…)
    I said, “I’m drood to guyve!”
    Now alas! Like that trooper, I’m blue.

  55. Brian Allgar says:

    When asked why he’d wed Ann Boleyn
    Though the Pope had declared it a sin,
    “She’s terrific in bed,
    And she loves giving head”,
    Replied Henry the Eighth with a grin.

  56. Brian Allgar says:

    (Any resemblance to a real person is purely coincidental.)

    A whining Republican bleater
    Whose limericks tended to teeter
    Complained with chagrin
    “How come I don’t win?”
    It’s simple – incompetent meter.

  57. Brian Allgar says:

    (Three from the Allgar archives)

    The hooker was sexy and sweet
    And was strutting her stuff on the street.
    When I asked her the price,
    I was busted for vice
    I’d accosted a cop on the beat.


    They were frolicking in the back seat
    Like a bitch and a mongrel in heat
    When a sudden bright light
    Gave the couple a fright.
    “My turn next”, said the cop on the beat.


    She was moonlighting from the police
    As a hooker called “Mistress Felice”,
    Blonde below and above,
    And he murmured: “I love
    A fair cop”, as he nibbled her fleece.

  58. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald loves copping a feel.
    “Grab a pussy, and hear how they squeal!”
    But he’s now doing time
    For a sexual crime;
    He was feeling a cop – no appeal.

  59. Ken Gosse says:

    Three Chins are Smarter than One ~
    “Little pigs, little pigs, let me in,”
    Said the wolf to the three pigs he’d skin.
    “Though we like you a lot
    We must answer you, ‘Not
    by the hair of our chinny chagrin!’ ”

    For the Rest of the Story, see
    Nursery Rhyme

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    So happy! I’m wearing a grin!
    I’m ecstatic; my head’s in a spin!
    I’ve been bowling ten years
    (Always come home in tears)
    Hooray! I just knocked down one pin!

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    I weigh 200 pounds, (what a sin)
    What I’d do just to wear a small grin
    Then last week bought a scale
    Labeled “Tell A Tall Tale”
    Now I’m half of that weight. Yeah! I’m thin!

  62. Lisi Nortman says:


    In New Jersey, I ached with chagrin
    (Disowned by each one of my kin)
    Of supposedly “good” shows
    I did not watch “Sopranos”
    A flaw known as “Eighth Deadly Sin”

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version of “1999”

    In New Jersey I ached with chagrin
    (Disowned by each one of my kin)
    Out of all of the bad shows
    I hated “Sopranos”
    A disgrace known as “Eighth Deadly Sin”

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I sleep, I feel warmth on my skin
    When I wake, I am fraught with chagrin
    My days are a fright
    I just can’t wait for night
    I can deal with the yang, not the yin

  65. Sharon Neeman says:

    “This visit,” sighed Grandad, “was nice,
    But I fear that I won’t see you twice.
    Since I’m headed back ‘in,'”
    He confessed with chagrin,
    “Let me give you a bit of advice:

    If you’d rather not see the police,
    Don’t extort, rob, solicit or fleece;
    Don’t receive stolen goods;
    Don’t get pally with hoods,
    And refrain from disturbing the peace.

    Think three times before buying a gun –”
    But I stopped him before he was done:
    “That’s enough! Shut your jaw!
    I’m not scared of the law —
    Just don’t make me give up all my fun!”

  66. John Shardlow says:

    Remember Regan from the Exorcist?

    The cops said “We’ll go for confession,
    Did you see that evil expression”?
    “You can wipe off that grin,
    We saw your head spin,
    You’re arrested and charged with possession”

  67. Ken Gosse says:

    Chagrin-Grin-Grinning Away ~
    An angel said, “Don’t go therein.”
    Then came news, “Let the census begin.”
    And next, with chagrin,
    Heard, “No room at the inn.”
    Joseph took lots of news on the chin.

  68. John Shardlow says:

    A hippy midwife called Lynn
    Told me home birthing was ‘in’
    Failed duty of care,
    Forgot gas and air
    Said “You’ll have to bear it and grin”!

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    From the moment we’re born we begin
    To live life as a sure-fire win
    But when we get old
    We need to be bold
    If we still have our teeth, we should grin.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    We called ourselves “South Town’s Go Getters”
    We hurriedly stole 50 sweaters
    When the fuzz came in view
    The gang screamed “F U”
    Copper said we “must use all the letters”

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    S o much better to have a big grin
    M any heartaches are best left within
    I n a crowd or a bar
    L eave your troubles afar
    E v’ry day is a challenge you’ll win


  72. Amazzing says:

    Creepy hair huffing Joe Biden is finally in;
    Is this to Kamala Harris’ chagrin?
    But this radical anti gun big wig,
    Is actually a licensed gun carrying pig,
    She can blow Joe, uh, shoot Joe to win.

    Mayor Pete who is from South Bend;
    Is endeavoring to break the straight trend;
    With husband Chasten and a grin,
    He seems to think if he will win,
    That the presidency of white men he’ll again end?

    Poor Mayor Pete wants to battle with Pence;
    By attacking him for his Christian preference;
    But Pence with a grin,
    Just ignores him,
    Because the issue with gays is past tense.

    “The Bern” campaigns without ever a grin;
    Anger, hatred, depression are apparently in;
    Racist, xenophobe, homophobe, misogynist;
    Is only a very small partial list,
    Of the campaign dementia
    he spews hoping to win.

  73. Dave Johnson says:

    The Donald is President still;
    Denying congressional will.
    No need for chagrin,
    Here’s what he should win:
    His mug on a three-dollar bill.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    I admit that I speed as I drive
    And always those damn cops arrive
    Your license they’ll run
    Then they’ll take out their gun
    Cuz you stole candy when you were five

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    Jenna’s a cop who will nail ya
    While working her beat in Centralia
    If speeding’s your crime,
    This would be the one time
    You don’t want to see Jenna tail ya.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    “bad POT luck”

    Cop stopped me; I started to cower
    Clearly knowing he executes power
    That night I was high
    And he said, “By the by,
    You were going just two miles an hour”

  77. Ken Gosse says:

    Stop Me If You’ve Seen This One (Clown Noir) ~
    It’s fun when art imitates art.
    The Avengers took Clown Noir to heart
    When Julian Chagrin
    With his very large grin
    Played the evil mime’s co-starring part.

    In a late 1960’s release,
    With a cameo played by John Cleese,
    Steed and Tara would star
    In defeating Clowns Noir:
    The Avengers cooked all of their geese.

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    At Police School I started to shout
    When the “teach” said “There won’t be much doubt
    That you might just get shot
    It will sure hurt a lot”
    (At that moment I left and copped out)

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cop stopped me; I sure was afraid
    He took out his gun and his blade
    Asked, “Where Were You At EIGHT??
    And I told him real straight:
    “I think I was in the third grade”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slightly modified version of a previous acrostic limerick in L5

    S o much better to have a big grin
    M any heartaches are best left within
    I n a crowd or a bar
    L eave your troubles afar
    E v’ry day there’s a challenge to win

  81. Daisy Ward says:

    The Pastor have an evil grin
    When he saw the large bottle of gin
    He drunk it down fast
    Hoping that it would last
    Then realized, it was a terrible sin

  82. Daisy Ward says:

    He dressed up like the police
    Though he was a no good thief
    Gave out tickets by the dozen
    Gave one to his cousin
    Next, he dressed like an indian chief

  83. Daisy Ward says:

    The pastor had an evil grin
    When he saw the large bottle of gin
    He drunk it down fast
    Hoping that it would last
    Then realized, it was a terrible sin

  84. Tim James says:

    A Republican flunky named Flynn
    Stoked a mob with a lunatic grin.
    “Lock her up!” was his cry
    As the lies he let fly.
    When does HIS stretch in prison begin?

  85. Valerie Fish says:

    With his sermon about to begin
    The priest had to suppress a huge grin
    Cos just minutes ago
    Out the back with a pro
    He’d committed a cardinal sin

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cop stopped me; I then started crying
    Accused me of “clearly defying”
    He asked, “Are you drinking?”
    I sure wasn’t thinking
    Politely I asked, “Are you buying?”

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    I felt that my life was all through!
    Then I thought of a cool thing to do:
    When that cop says I’m speeding
    Instead of my pleading
    I’ll inform him that he’s speeding too.

  88. Dave Johnson says:

    She actually tried to finagle
    While hiding her phone with a kegel.
    Convincing a cop
    Who was making the stop
    That thing in her hand was a bagel.

  89. John Shardlow says:

    The cops are a theatrical bunch
    They put on plays during lunch
    With Shakespeare preferred
    It’s Richard the Third
    A detective playing a hunch

  90. Valerie Fish says:

    I once went on a date with a cop
    Who’d a penchant for women on top
    But when his truncheon
    Failed to function
    You could say the whole thing was a flop

  91. P Diane Schneider says:


    The things cons will do for a fin
    A cop slipped and fell with chagrin
    But he took a dive
    And thus stayed alive
    Until his wife asked “Where’ve you been?”

  92. John Shardlow says:

    More royal shenanigans

    Nell said to Charles with a grin
    “Are you sure it’s the right hole that you’re in,
    I haven’t consented
    ‘Cos gel’s not invented,
    Does this guarantee there’s no kin”?

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sobriety Test”

    Cop said, in a way that was stern
    “I want you to walk and then turn”
    I said, “Please be a dear
    Can you just hold my beer?”
    He said “NO” (Gee some guys never learn)

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    The cops of the world keep the peace
    Yet my query will just never cease
    If they’re all so respected
    And the finest selected
    Why do criminals hate the police?

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those darn in-laws get under my skin!
    When I see them, I’m filled with chagrin!
    With my wife made a deal
    For our Thanksgiving meal
    We’ll invite all the kith, not the kin

  96. John Shardlow says:

    Is the prisoner feeling unwell?
    Has he no info to tell
    Just have no illusions
    He got those contusions
    By falling down in his cell

  97. Valerie Fish says:

    An oldie adapted…
    Tired of living a life of vice
    She went to her priest for advice
    ‘You must give up your sin’
    He said with a grin
    ‘But one last performance would be nice’.

  98. Brian Allgar says:

    My girl-friend complained “It’s a sin,
    Infidelity!” Me, with a grin:
    “But we just had great sex.”
    She replied, “You need specs –
    You just fucked my identical twin!”

  99. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Junior displays, with a grin,
    Yet another dead animal skin.
    It is really too bad
    That it isn’t his Dad
    That the murderous creep has done in.

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    The cop came real fast and then whisked
    Me away; for his life he had risked
    I told a big fib
    Have to say I was glib
    (But oh, how I love to be frisked)

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    She glanced at me with a sly grin
    I must tell you it made my head spin!
    She saunters here oft
    Her curves (Oh so soft)
    ‘Round the block a few times she has been

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    The prices are truly a sin
    At the famous expensive “Brie Inn”
    They pretend to be nice
    Just like sugar and spice
    And they give you that real cheesy grin

  103. Brian Allgar says:

    The Gestapo are not very nice;
    They steal children, and treat them like lice,
    Violating the young …
    Ooops! A slip of the tongue –
    By “Gestapo”, of course, I meant ICE.

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    Miss Dorothy felt much chagrin
    Mostly due to the spot she was in
    But The Wizard, with glee
    Was so happy that he
    Gave a watch to the man made of tin.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” (modified)

    Miss Dorothy felt great chagrin
    (A frightening place she was in)
    But The Wizard, with glee
    Was so happy that he
    Gave a watch to the man made of tin

  106. Kat Irving says:

    The policeman wore only a grin
    On the photo his captain turned in.
    They had caught him red-handed.
    The indictment? Quite candid.
    It was ‘On The Job COP-ulating’.

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sound Advice”

    My pal always has a big grin
    Says, “Think Positive! It’s a Win Win!
    “Start each day with a smile
    Knowing all of the while
    That you’ll end it with Beefeater Gin”

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Senior Beauty”

    For me everyday is a win!
    I look in the mirror and grin!
    My face isn’t wrinkled
    And not one bit crinkled
    I just have “relaxing-type” skin

  109. Kat Irving says:

    The Cheshire was resting its chin
    On its paws. It said, ‘Let us begin!’
    It declared crazy stuff
    Then it cried out, ‘Enough!’
    And it disappeared down to its grin.

  110. Kat Irving says:

    Oops – brain lapse – obviously both the it’s in the Cheshire Cat limerick above should be its


  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sound Advice” Revision

    My pal always has a wide grin
    He says “Life is just one big win win”
    “Start each day with a smile
    Knowing all of the while
    That you’ll end it with Beefeater Gin”

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    G et a grip; just chill out; now begin:
    R elaxing’s a sure way to win
    I f you feel inner pain
    E scape from the rain
    F or goodness sake, put on a grin!


  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    L ose that sadness; just put on a grin
    A nd set out to feel joy from within
    U nder stress you’ll pull through
    G etting pleasure anew
    H ave a chuckle. Chill out. It’s no sin


  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: line 4, above limerick acrostic:
    Could you please change Giving pleasure anew to Getting pleasure anew

    Thank You….Lisi


  115. Valerie Fish says:

    Much to the prodigal son’s chagrin
    Though he was (by minutes) next of kin
    When the will was read
    He’d been scorned, instead
    The whole lot went to his younger twin

  116. Valerie Fish says:

    She’s not what you’d call an English Rose
    With her evil eyes and crooked nose
    A warty chin
    A wicked grin
    Kids run and hide wherever she goes

  117. Tim Gray says:

    Consider the state that I’m in.
    Disappointed and full of chagrin
    At the affront
    Of the worst ever witch-hunt
    That the whole world has ever seen.

  118. Tim Gray says:

    “What busyness are you in?”
    Lao Tzu asked with a grin.
    He said, “I teach people
    To find God as their steeple.”
    Lao Tzu said, “You’ll never win.”

  119. Tim Gray says:

    He gave a hideous grin
    When it finally dawned upon him
    That against most projection
    He’d won the election
    And Hillary had conceded his win.

  120. Tim Gray says:

    I was fat, now I am slim,
    And I want to go for a swim.
    My skin now loosely falls
    And its sight just appals…
    I guess I’ll just bare it and grin.

  121. Tim Gray says:

    The first of the day’s teas
    Left him relaxed and at ease.
    He gave a cha grin
    As he settled in,
    Thinking, “Work will now be a breeze.”

  122. Tim Gray says:

    Jeremy was visibly distraught,
    He was entangled deep in a rort.
    As it transpired,
    The scam had backfired,
    And he was the one who was caught

  123. Tim Gray says:

    Hi Mad,

    Maybe that last one should probably have “joke” changed to “scam” to make it a bit more criminal/policy… is policy a word? (Meaning to do with Police, not Policy as in Jeremy’s intent to fleece people).

    I made that change from joke to scam.

  124. John Shardlow says:

    Not sure if ‘affray’ is a crime in the US

    Bayeux gendarmes had grilled him all day
    Though the suspect had nothing to say
    Because of his scratching
    The Tapestry needs patching
    He was booked for causing a fray

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    Determined, and nothing would stop ‘er
    (Although it may sound quite improper)
    Now protected from harm
    She used her sweet charm
    And slept ev’ry night with a copper

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear Father, I’m filled with chagrin
    My confessional prayer shall begin:
    “It has been one whole day
    Since I’ve had a good lay
    And tonight I’ll be rockin, in sin”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version

    Dear Father, I’m filled with chagrin
    My confessional plea shall begin:
    “Last night I got laid
    And today I have prayed
    To repeat my original sin”

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad; L5 of above limerick should read: To repeat my original sin, not
    To redo my original sin
    Could you change that for me, please?


  129. Valerie Fish says:

    What’s it like making love to a twin?
    Let me tell you, he said with a grin
    One at a time is OK
    But my favourite way
    Is one on top, one below, win win.

  130. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  131. Tim Gray says:

    The bent cop said, “I want double.
    Pay up, or there will be trouble.”
    We said, “We can’t pay.”
    He said, “Have your own way.”
    Now he’s under a whole pile of rubble.

  132. David Friedman says:

    There once was a Chief of Police
    Who tried to spread love and have peace…
    If you buy that tale,
    I’ve swampland for sale
    And a couple of golden egg geese.

  133. David Friedman says:

    The surgeon downed three shots of gin
    As his patient looked on with chagrin
    Said he: “This small step
    Is an alcohol prep,
    And your surgery now can begin.”

  134. David Friedman says:

    The mom said, “I know where you’ve been,”
    To her kid who looked guilty as sin.
    “You chose to partake
    Of my devil’s food cake —
    I can tell by your shit eating grin.”

  135. David Friedman says:

    Grumpy explained he was grumpy
    ‘Cause his little member was stumpy;
    He’d feel great chagrin
    When asked, “Is it in?”
    Just like his twin brother Trumpy.

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    P olice work as hard as can be
    E v’ry day they protect you and me
    R ide around; always check
    K illers aren’t on deck
    S tandard issue: all donuts are free


  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sergeant Callahan sure did his best
    All the people in town were impressed
    After years on the force
    Without any remorse
    Left his gig. It was time for arrest.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My First Prom: Age 16”

    That cocktail sure made my head spin!
    I got dizzy, could not even grin!
    Then after a rest
    I made one more request:
    Ordered “Kool-Aid On Rocks, Pinch Of Gin”

  139. David Friedman says:

    The suspect tried hard to explain
    But the cop said it all was in vain:
    “I’m strong, I’m a jock,
    I carry a Glock;
    Why would I bother my brain?”

  140. Sharon Neeman says:

    On vacation, I paddle and grin
    In warm seawater up to my chin —
    But if I were a cuke,
    I’d be wanting to puke
    And would wail: “What a pickle I’m in!”

  141. David Friedman says:

    A pompous policeman named Myron
    Would make drivers stop with his siren
    And issue citations
    With long recitations
    From Yeats, Shelley, Joyce, Keats and Byron.

  142. Tim Gray says:

    Well I completely lost my rag
    As he’d let the cat out of the bag.
    We were to do a stake-out
    And there isn’t a doubt
    We’d have got the whole gang with their swag.

  143. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 321. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Crank.