Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FUSED/CONFUSED or EYES at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FUSED/CONFUSED or EYES at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.) (Yes, I’m allowing TWO different rhyme schemes in this contest because fused/confused has fewer rhyme words than usual.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to LEMONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best LEMON-related limerick. (For those outside of the U.S., who may possibly not know this, LEMONS can be much more than a citrus fruit.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 21, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 20, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick, which uses both rhyme schemes:

I stared at a painting, confused;
Yes, bewildered, perplexed, and bemused.
“It’s insightful!” “It’s wise!”
“He paints with his eyes!”
(Said by fans — I surmise they were boozed.)

And here’s my LEMON-themed limerick, a two-verser:

A fellow was beaming with pride
Cuz he’d purchased a flashy new ride.
But he speedily found
That his car wasn’t sound
And was facing a recall world-wide.

When he drove it, the engine soon died.
Then he learned its transmission was fried.
His lemony car
Made him go way too far…
And for murder he soon shall be tried.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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130 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FUSED/CONFUSED or EYES at the end of any one line”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    My favorite flavor of Jell-O
    Is orange; it just makes me mellow!
    The name of that fruit
    Is its color, (how cute!)
    So why ain’t a lemon a “yellow?”

  2. David Friedman says:

    Said Lot to God, full of surprise,
    As his wife turned to salt ‘fore his eyes,
    “I guess it’s my fault,
    But with all this salt,
    Could You turn my kids into fries?”

  3. Colonialist says:

    Stowed thrones in grass houses should never be used,
    For these by the termites are often abused —
    In front of your eyes
    Collapsing surprise! —
    The Queen says, ‘We certainly are not amused.’

  4. Colonialist says:

    An abridged version, still on the maxim that people in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

    Stowed thrones in grass houses refused:
    They get by the termites abused —
    In front of your eyes
    Collapsing surprise! —
    The Queen says, ‘We are not amused.’

  5. John Shardlow says:

    Have you tried the new Durex or Skyn?
    They’re flavoured with lemon and gin
    It’s odd but don’t knock it
    She goes off like a rocket
    And that’s with a little bit in!

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Accused. (John Grisham)

    Sweet Grandma was just so enthused
    And so eager to read “The Accused”
    So I got it on line
    And she said, “That sounds fine;
    Although where is the book? I’m confused”

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our puppy is one nasty critter
    She ran over to Susie and bit’er
    We said, “Oh Dear Me!”
    But reminded her she
    Was know as the “Lemon Of Litter”

  8. Lisi Nortman says:


    Our puppy is one nasty critter
    She hated sweet Susie and bit’er
    We said,'”Oh Dear Me!”
    But reminded her she
    Was known as the “Lemon Of Litter”

  9. John Shardlow says:

    I’ve just had delirium tremens
    A result of all night drinking sessions
    My nightmares affected
    Dreamt Trump was elected
    Think I’ll start on the tonics and lemons

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    I’m rather bewildered and confused,
    If above board, why Trump has refused
    To release his tax returns,
    This causes great concerns,
    Just implies public trust’s been abused.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad Please delete previous comment. It is an unfinished limerick
    Thank You Lisi


  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    The proctologist wasn’t amused
    When his “skull doc” precisely perused
    His X-ray with care
    And then said, “Doc Beware!
    Your brain’s full of shit. I’m confused!”

  13. Tim James says:

    She sliced lemons to rub on her chest,
    Neck and shoulders, then made a request
    Of her man: “Be a peach;
    Rub the parts I can’t reach.”
    It’s a task he’s approaching with zest.

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend just makes me feel used
    I might even say quite abused!
    Other times he is nice
    Just like sugar and spice
    His two faces are totally fused

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    With grammar, this student’s no prize
    I have taught him and must say “He Tries”
    I asked, “Who has to “go”?
    Then five kids let me know
    And politely he said, “So do Ize”

  16. John Shardlow says:

    Strapped in ‘The Chair’, the accused
    A plea to the Governor, refused
    Told to keep up the wailing
    The power’s not failing
    Its only the lights that have fused

  17. John Shardlow says:

    Further to Lisi’s theme:

    A proctologist was drinking in Glasgow
    The time for procedure was soon, so
    His thinking confused
    The patient abused
    He couldn’t tell his arse from his elbow

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    I couldn’t believe my own eyes!
    In the rest room at “Eats” A Surprise:
    A picture of Trump
    While you’re taking a dump
    I’d certainly say that applies!

  19. Colonialist says:

    On the LEMON theme, my vast admiration for the genus Trumpus Obnoxious shines through:

    A lemon is known to be sour
    But next to Trump’s visage will cower:
    Compared to the pan
    Of that acid man
    The lemon seems sweet as a flower!

  20. Colonialist says:

    Or, actually using ‘confused’:

    Stowed thrones in grass houses refused:
    The structure by termites confused —
    In front of your eyes
    Collapsing surprise! —
    The Queen says, ‘We are not amused.’

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    The nursery rhyme ends with dread,
    The prisoner is summoned, then dead.
    Ringing,”Oranges and lemons,
    The church bells of St. Clemont’s”.
    Children hear this rhyme, then go to bed.

    Oranges and Lemons

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    Cadmium yellow is strong and intense,
    To use painting bright sunlight makes sense.
    Lemon yellow’s lovely and pale,
    I don’t imply the color’s frail.
    It’s perfect to show morning’s commence.

  23. Judith H. Block says:

    The orange man is really quite yellow,
    With fake bone spurs; a spine made of jello
    A lemon making deals,
    Eats awful junk food meals.
    He’s a rather despicable fellow.

  24. Steve Benko says:

    There’s civil war raging in Yemen,
    And for Prez we’ve elected a lemon.
    In a world that’s insane
    I thank Madeleine Kane
    For the chance to some whimsy be pennin’.

  25. Steve Benko says:

    Our political candidates schmooze;
    With great promises, crowds they suffuse.
    But once they’re in office,
    They don’t seem so flawless;
    We all end up singin’ the blues.

  26. Steve Benko says:

    When my table I polish with Pledge,
    The smell of it puts me on edge.
    To my condo is lent
    That sick lemony scent,
    And I have to climb out on the ledge.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    When young, I had “stars in my eyes”
    I was “sweet” on just so many guys
    But now I am old
    And the truth shall be told:
    I’ve got cataracts bigger than flies

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here is something I’ve noticed ’bout guys:
    Some are rude and they’ll often “crack wise”
    When they talk to a lady
    They all seem so shady
    Just look where they focus their eyes!

  29. Ken Gosse says:

    Peering Through the Lemonade ~
    I get quite confused when I write
    once my brain cells have fused for the night,
    but that’s not a surprise
    since the blur in my eyes
    comes from lemonade, whiskey, and Sprite.

  30. In Mexico Trump will refuse
    to give up his quest to abuse
    windmills at large
    with a Quixote-like charge
    till their cancerous sounds are refused.

  31. Tim Gray says:

    As children we had a stall,
    The summer’s thirst to forestall.
    I don’t know what we made
    But it weren’t lemonade
    And seems it food-poisoned us all.

  32. Steve Benko says:

    Said Sessions, “Mahself Ah’ll recuse,”
    And Donald at that blew a fuse.
    “You’re dumb and retarded!
    You’ll soon be discarded!”
    He screamed as he polished Vlad’s shoes.

  33. Amazzing says:

    Millennials believe wealth is bullshit:
    Only social justice is truly legit:
    But what they can not peruse,
    Of their student debt they confuse,
    Is that neither Bernie nor Beto nor Biden can fix it.

    College girls want masculinity to retreat:
    Toxic masculinity hands snowflakes defeat:
    Equal valuation in their eyes,
    Though symbolic castration seems wise,
    Redefining is the only way they compete.

    Colleges teach students gender aversion:
    For these students gender neutrality is their new version:
    But at bar-time the students fuse,
    And their obsolete genitalia they use,
    To engage in every form of perversion!

  34. Bob Kennedy says:

    I knew I was getting confused
    (As well as misled and bemused)
    When the Trumpian axis
    Said they’d show his taxes
    But then they refused and refused!

  35. Brian Allgar says:

    (… both rhyme-words)

    She couldn’t believe her own eyes;
    He had boasted so much of his size!
    But the little pink toe
    That he asked her to blow
    Was a most disappointing surprise.

    So now Donald’s ego is bruised.
    The hooker quite simply refused
    To swallow the pig.
    “I only do big”,
    She explained, “So I must be excused.”

  36. Brian Allgar says:

    On Facebook, I learnt – I’m bemused –
    That condoms are rinsed and reused
    In many a State.
    But as microbes gestate,
    With what are those condoms infused?

  37. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump, as a child, was abused
    By his father, who taught him, amused,
    That “To lie and to steal
    Is the Art of the Deal”.
    No wonder poor Donald’s confused.

  38. Brian Allgar says:

    “Them ‘oranges’ Darwin invented?
    The guy musta been quite demented.
    His theory is feces –
    ‘The Lemons of Species’
    Would make as much sense”, Trump dissented.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    “See How They Run”

    At first, we heard terrible cries
    Then a voice said, “We sure weren’t wise”
    We searched; found 3 mice
    Who said, “Take our advice:
    “You must always take care of your eyes”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    When nursing, the left breast I used
    But something just had me bemused:
    When I switched to the right
    My baby would bite
    And say “Mama don’t get me confused”

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Guess The Fruit”

    When squeezing, you must close your eyes
    Do not wait for that stinging surprise
    They’re great in iced tea
    Come and have one with me
    (And they also taste good baked in pies)

  42. Judith H. Block says:

    People’s trust- constantly abused:
    I watch, am completely confused,
    Folks vote for those who betray,
    Support the corporate way,
    They don’t realize they’re being used.

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    Folks say I’m as “sweet as can be”
    Also “kind” and they all do agree!
    But my kids aren’t nice
    (Been arrested for vice)
    Those damn lemons fell far from the tree!

  44. Steve Benko says:

    In a pasture, the cows will suffuse
    Every inch of the land with their poos.
    If you visit a farm,
    Don’t be fooled by their charm;
    From inside, you can still hear their moos.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    On “Match Love” my password was used
    By some chap; I was sure not amused!
    Yet this somewhat nice gent
    Has romantic intent
    Do I marry him now? I’m confused!

  46. Dave Johnson says:

    True story:

    I owned a mid-Seventies car;
    It managed to show me how far
    (With handles that broke
    And performance a joke),
    That Mustang had lowered the bar.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction! “The Accused” (by John Grisham)

    Sweet Granny was very enthused
    And eager to read “The Accused”
    When I said, “It’s on line”
    She remarked, “That sounds fine;
    But where is the book? I’m confused”

  48. Dave Johnson says:

    When life gives you lemons, they say
    Make something to wash them away.
    This summertime drink
    Just might work if you think
    Some Kool-Aid will brighten your day.

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    My old teacher was not very wise
    She would drink and steal all the supplies
    As blitzed as could be
    She insisted that we
    Dot our t’s and then cross all our i’s

  50. Sim Smailes says:

    Led Zeppelin could not be accused
    Of letting themselves be abused,
    Yet one angry fan
    Let fly with a pan
    And left them all ‘Dazed and Confused’.

  51. Tim James says:

    I looked deep into Stephanie’s eyes,
    And I knew she’d been telling me lies.
    ‘Twas a blow to my pride
    That she felt, deep inside,
    I fell short of her standards for size.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    I never had sex with the guys
    But Mama was so very wise:
    She said, “Dear, when you’re wed
    You must lie in the bed
    Take xanax and then close your eyes”

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    My son ran home fast by surprise
    I asked, “What’s with the tears and those sighs?”
    He said, “Mom, I am freaked
    Saw my new “teach” and shrieked
    In the back of her head, she’s got eyes”

  54. Judith H. Block says:

    There were many more NAYS than were AYES:
    Party loyalty, with all that implies.
    Though our side was right,
    We went down with a fight,
    Their proposal once more based on lies.

  55. Judith H. Block says:

    She looks in the mirror and sighs!
    Those wrinkles; what sagging implies!
    Her mind says she’s not old,
    Is lovely to behold…
    Believe me, or your lying eyes?

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Just Between You And Me”

    Most teachers are not real surprised
    When students can’t learn to be wise
    Prepositions agree
    Do not use he or she
    In their phrases and NEVER use I’s

  57. Judith H. Block says:

    I’m a wolf in benign sheep disguise.
    You’re quite easy to con, I surmise.
    Why would you question or grype?
    Just relax; swallow the hype.
    Do you trust me, or your lying eyes?

  58. Steve Benko says:

    A creature emerged from the ooze,
    To our nation with hatred suffuse.
    Tiny hands, orange mane;
    Do I need to explain?
    Till a year from November I’ll snooze.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mom dug out a “tool” which she used
    Called a typewriter (I was amused)
    I typed Fom ‘stead of Tom
    Then asked my sweet Mom
    “Where’s the auto correct? I’m confused”

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    My daughter just moans and she cries
    Claims she just isn’t “one of the guys”
    Says, “They all have a phone
    And I feel so alone”
    So I bought her a Pad for her Eyes

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    When life throws you lemons, just RUN!
    Don’t look down; focus up at the SUN!
    If you dodge all that fruit
    There will be no dispute
    That you’ll revel in all which is FUN!

  62. Kirk Miller says:

    Said a young buxom gal to some guys,
    “What I say should be no big surprise.
    Know what I’d like best
    To get off my chest?
    It is simple: your two staring eyes.”

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    When life throws you lemons, you’re done!
    There is nothing worse under the sun!
    So here is a trick
    And do it real quick:
    Catch those suckers. Bring vodka. Then run.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Sillier? Version Of A Previous Limerick

    My old teacher was not very wise
    She would drink and steal all the supplies
    When blitzed as could be
    She insisted that we
    Dot our t’s and then cross all our eyes

  65. Judith H. Block says:

    Not a funny one, but a response to Lisi’s, Have to defend teachers !LOL!

    My teachers, all learned and wise,
    Taught us to study, aim for the skies,
    Gave us strong foundations,
    Were great inspirations,
    To succeed and have stars in our eyes.

  66. Judith H. Block says:

    “English As a Second Language”

    You start out eager, stars in your eyes.
    English grammar could be your demise.
    Though right on the money,
    “It’s she!”, just sounds funny.
    Learning English is hard, I surmise!

  67. Jean McEwen says:

    I’ll confess—I’m completely confused
    About why you’ve routinely refused
    To scoop up the poop
    Your pooch dumps on our stoop.
    We are getting fed up–not amused!

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    The President’s surely no prize
    And he’s caused a disease on the rise!
    See your doctor real quick
    Cause you’ll likely get sick
    With “Overkill Rolling Of Eyes”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    An expression that often is used
    And has me completely confused
    Is “Legally Drunk”
    Which to me sounds like bunk
    If it’s legal, you should be excused!

  70. Diane Groothuis says:

    In colloquial parlance abstruse
    There’s an English word prone to abuse
    By the simple word “get”
    Many “meanings” are met
    Incorrectly and only confuse.👀

  71. Diane Groothuis says:

    A handsome young chappie from Yemen
    Went out with a hooker from Bremen
    But she started to freeze
    When he gave her a squeeze
    saying “Bitte schon I am a lemon”

  72. John Shardlow says:

    Taking snuff is now just a breeze
    But mostly I come when I sneeze
    Accompanied by sighs
    It crosses my eyes
    And sometimes buckles my knees

  73. Tim James says:

    A dude was extremely confused
    When he heard the term “cowpuncher” used.
    He thought: “Punch? Is that how
    I get milk from that cow?”
    So he tried it. That bull’s not amused.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    On the T.V. a phrase that is used
    Has me baffled and very confused!
    When they say “partly sunny”
    I don’t think it’s funny!
    Do the clouds feel left out and abused?

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    When life hands you lemons, you cry
    You feel that you’ll never get by!
    It just isn’t fair
    So show you don’t care:
    Add butter, paprika, then fry.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version:

    When life hands you lemons, you cry
    You feel that you’ll never get by
    So find who’s at fault
    Then plan your assault
    To squirt ’em right back in the eye!

  77. Fred Bortz says:


    “Your Honor,” he said, “I’m confused
    Was there something I missed while I snoozed?
    The attorneys are boring.
    That’s why I was snoring.”
    The judge glared and said, “You’re excused.”

  78. P Diane Schneider says:

    The Shiny Used Car He Purchased

    A four on the floor drove the Dean
    The model was pretty and green
    But for a small flaw
    Which everyone saw
    Broke down on the road.
    Made a scene

  79. P Diane Schneider says:

    Just Purchased

    Look there! He has bought a new car!
    Enroute to show off at the bar
    Makes an awful turn
    Oversteers, starts to burn
    No way he will ever go far

  80. P Diane Schneider says:

    Under oath?
    This fellow claims to be wise
    But I’ve detected his lies
    It isn’t fake news
    Just look for the clues
    And simply look at those eyes!

  81. Steve Benko says:

    Said Odysseus, “Here’s the plan, guys:
    Polyphemus is lacking two eyes.
    We need only stab one;
    When he screams, we’ll all run,
    And from shipboard, we’ll wave our goodbyes.”

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Love Those Beatles”

    At first, she said “John you’re so wise”
    And suddenly claimed I told lies!
    Then she said I am “cool”
    Though I “act like a fool”
    She’s that chick with kaleidoscope eyes

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    It came as one shocking surprise
    When I caught her with two other guys!
    Yet our therapist claimed
    She should not feel ashamed
    Since her biopsy showed “Wan’dring Eyes”

  84. Valerie Fish says:

    I watched his plane take to the skies
    With the tears streaming from my eyes
    I’ve no idea when
    I’ll see him again
    How I hate these airport goodbyes

  85. Valerie Fish says:

    I just couldn’t believe my eyes
    I have never seen such a size
    There was no topping
    Those melons, so whopping
    She waltzed off with ‘Best in class’ prize

  86. John Shardlow says:

    Did that man just catch my eye,
    And follow by brushing my thigh
    It’s no use keep winking
    I know what he’s thinking
    I’m really not that kind of guy

  87. Valerie Fish says:

    I could have said I was confused
    Or a better word could be used
    But I calculated
    Would just leave everyone bemused.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Found out he was telling me lies!
    So I went and bought garden supplies
    We went for a drink
    And before he could blink
    We toasted with mud in his eyes!

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    To ev’ry occasion, I rise
    I’m smart and I’m cool and I’m wise!
    But I do need those glasses
    And bet your sweet asses
    They’re certainly not for my eyes!

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: Line 4 of above: I meant to say “You can bet your sweet asses”
    and not “And bet your sweet asses”
    Could you change that for me?
    Thank You, Lisi


    Bad idea because that gives you an extra unstressed syllable. (To see what I mean, read lines 3 and 4 together as one line. You’ll see that the last syllable of glasses gives you that extra unstressed syllable as it leads into line 4.)

  91. John Shardlow says:

    You’ve a sore throat and nose that is runny
    And lately, you’re short on the money
    Don’t entertain notions
    Of advertised potions
    Sip hot water, lemon and honey

  92. John Shardlow says:

    Sorry Mad, should be ‘nose that is runny’



  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Our Recent Move to Chicago”

    Some words here are always misused!
    And my kinfolks are sure not amused!
    All handbags are “purses”
    And truly what’s worse is
    Coca-Cola is pop who’s confused!

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    When life hands you lemons, you’ll see
    That good advice’s really the “key”
    The high cost of food
    Gets all of us screwed
    So keep all that fruit! (Hey, it’s free)

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    In high school, “way back in the day”
    Those lemons were comin’ my way
    My plight was acute
    So I kept all that fruit
    And into my bra they would stay

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Food Stop” I sure was amused
    A sign at the check read “REUSED!”
    “It’s now paper not plastic
    Although it is drastic
    We hope that you’re all not confused”

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of meter (previous limerick)

    When life hands you lemons, you’ll see
    Good advice is most surely the “key”
    The high cost of food
    Just gets everyone screwed
    So keep all that fruit (Hey, it’s free)

  98. Tim James says:

    A gal from a bar that he cruised
    Got knocked up, for no condom he used.
    He was stupid. But why?
    He’s a typical guy:
    His brain with his willy is fused.

  99. Daisy Ward says:

    A man had big budging eyes
    Seems to be filled with black flies
    People saw him and ran
    stuck his face in the sand
    hey look, they had grew triple in sized

  100. Daisy Ward says:

    The man’s car was a lemon
    Gave a price and couldn’t remember
    It was fancy and clean
    The color was mean
    Suddenly looked like an old gremlin

  101. Valerie Fish says:

    I confess she had me confused
    With the body language she used
    I thought she was game
    I wasn’t to blame
    For the crime of which I’m accused

  102. Steve Benko says:

    We made contact at first with our eyes,
    Then in bed came her passionate cries.
    By this Hollywood star
    I get blown in my car…
    What? You think that I’m telling you lies?

  103. Tim Gray says:

    It’s not often that I’m bemused
    But I seem a little confused.
    Climate change is not real
    But still they all squeal…
    Is it somehow that I’m being used?

  104. Tim Gray says:

    Limericks, I should be writing
    But with my brain, I am fighting.
    All the words that I’ve used
    Are jumbled, confused,
    Not witty, amusing, delighting.

  105. Tim Gray says:

    The meat has been fully extracted
    From the Muller Report, now redacted.
    The Truth we surmise
    Is not for our eyes,
    Nor how the main players had acted.

  106. Tim Gray says:

    Brexit’s a Pig-in-a-Poke,
    An International joke.
    Needed are Ayes
    But Nays are the cries,
    No fire, just billowing smoke.

  107. Kirk Miller says:

    We were playing charades, and emotions
    Were on edge. I was caught in commotions
    With the gestures I used.
    What is wrong? I’m confused.
    I was just going through the motions.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Eye Exam”

    “Do the letters all look the same size?”
    (I thought that this “doc” was so wise)
    “Is that better or worse?”
    “Now just hand me your purse”
    (And that’s when I cried out my eyes)

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    I truly had stars in my eyes
    Should’ve known he was telling me lies
    When he talked in his sleep
    It sure made me weep
    When he yelled, “Do you want that with fries?”

  110. Kat Irving says:

    I’m feeling quite badly abused.
    And baffled … befuddled … confused.
    My woman craved bliss
    So I gave her a kiss.
    Now she’s dumped me! I should have refused!

  111. Kat Irving says:

    As she dances, I watch my sweet prize.
    She has tender, young breasts; meaty thighs.
    I’m a cannibal, me.
    Now all I can see
    Is a truly great feast for the eyes.

  112. Amazzing says:

    Like a conductor who is ailing;
    Beto’s arms are always flailing;
    Is he so very confused?
    Does he think he’s Omar beating Jews?
    Or unlike Slick Willy he did too much inhaling.

  113. Margie Nairn says:

    Being raised in a family of ten
    my clothes were worn time and again.
    I felt sad and abused,
    cause my clothing looked used–
    handed down year to year, kin to kin.

  114. Margie Nairn says:

    I grew up in a family of eight.
    For my clothing I just had to wait!
    Using doo-dads and dyes,
    changed the look to the eyes,
    but it can’t change size 6 into 8!

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Guess The Fruit” (acrostic)

    L ow in fat, rich in Vitamin C
    E specially good with iced tea
    M ust try it on fish
    O r a nice salad dish
    N ot to worry, lots more on the tree!

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    An “airline” expression that’s used
    Will always just keep me amused
    It is known as “pre-board”
    Which sure “takes the award”
    Can you board? Board again? (I’m confused)

  117. David Friedman says:

    “I’m not apathetic,” said Lydia
    “That’s not why I have to get rid o’ ya.
    So don’t be confused
    If I seem unenthused,
    It’s cause you fucking gave me chlamydia!”

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Felt my vision had reached its demise
    (And the “Snellen Chart” proved I was wise)
    Couldn’t see F or G
    L M N O or P
    And for sure could not find any I’s

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    A word that my boss sharply used
    Was “downsize” (I sure was bemused)
    I said “Mr. Cheap
    You sure are a creep
    Am I fired or not? I’m confused”

  120. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  121. John Shardlow says:

    Mad, please delete last post, doesn’t include theme at all.



  122. Tim Gray says:

    Trump, at his own behest
    Has been busy feathering his nest.
    He has steadfastly refused
    And cried, “Falsely accused!”
    To fulfil a taxed-income request.

  123. Tim Gray says:

    A Riddle: Now who could this be?
    He can lie and cheat and stay free.
    He has Muller defused;
    “Don’t recall”, not refused…
    Give up? Well really! It’s me.

  124. Tim Gray says:

    GOP, like the picture you see?
    You could easily say, “This is me”.
    As you defend
    Your backstabbing friend,
    You’re tarred with the same brush as he.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    When through “Learn Your Words” I perused
    Something sure had me bemused
    When I looked up “confusing”
    It wasn’t amusing
    It said, “We don’t know; we’re confused”

  126. Lisi Nortman says:


    When through “Learn Your Words” I perused
    There was something that had me bemused!
    When I looked up “confusing”
    It wasn’t amusing
    It said, “Just don’t know; we’re confused”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick:
    Line 4 should be It wasn’t amusing ( not I wasn’t amusing)
    Can you change that?
    Thank You


  128. Margie Nairn says:

    There was a young lady from Yemen,
    Tried her first martini with lemon!
    She got violently sick,
    When she choked on a stick,
    No one told her “You don’t put the stem in!”

  129. Margie Nairn says:

    A girl from a far northern state,
    Bought a car that she thought would be great.
    A lemon she got,
    Sometimes started—or not,
    Which caused her to always be late!

  130. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 320. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Grin.