Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GROWN or GROAN at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GROWN or GROAN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DIVORCE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DIVORCE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Whenever a fellow would nap
His collie would leap on his lap.
Then he’d groan and he’d moan.
(The dog was full-grown.)
How he longed for a dog-warning app.

And here’s my Divorce-themed limerick:

Although “civil,” it’s certain to vex
And is rarely divorced from bad sex.
It takes courtrooms and cash,
Zealous Esqs who are brash:
It’s converting your spouse to an ex.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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133 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GROWN or GROAN at the end of any one line”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    I felt such distressing remorse
    When I dumped out the coffee with force
    She served it with cream
    Which just made me scream
    And those were our grounds for divorce

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some lim’riks get “close to the bone”
    Because of their real truthful tone
    But the ones with a pun
    Are so much more fun
    And a good one will sure make you groan.

  3. The Mueller report made Trump groan
    As he perched on his porcelain throne.
    Things ground to a stop.
    “Bill, barr this damn cop!”
    He typed into his not-so-smart phone.

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    When Johnny and I were alone
    He said I’d be “thrilled to the bone”
    The sex was okay
    But I’m sorry to say
    I moaned but I just could not groan

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    One night when I felt so alone
    I hurriedly ran to the phone
    To call Doctor Stick
    Who then sent me pills quick
    Then my wife said, “My dear! How you’ve grown!”

  6. John Shardlow says:

    If you’ve just had a painful divorce
    Look for a man that’s not worse
    Choose someone who’s active
    And fairly attractive
    And hopefully hung like a horse

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    On flat bench whilst supine (not prone)
    I’d holler and bawl and I’d groan.
    My trainer just smiled:
    “Your pain is quite mild!”
    So I howled in a milder tone.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    When Trump showed the hooker his bone,
    She giggled. “Think THAT can be blown?”
    Returning his dough,
    She said “You’d better go –
    Come back when your dick’s fully grown.”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh how my flute teacher would groan!
    I was freaked, (Mom should only have known)
    She cut me no slack
    So at last I yelled back!
    She retorted, “Do NOT use that tone!”

  10. Steve Benko says:

    Said Henry the Eighth, “My new church
    Leaves no man with a plan in the lurch.
    If your wife gives you grief
    You can turn a new leaf
    And be free while for pussy you search.”

  11. Steve Benko says:

    At my limericks readers may groan,
    But the errors are due to my phone.
    It thinks it’s so smart
    That it ruins my art;
    How can auto-correct I disown?

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    “groan” and “divorce”

    Our divorce made the both of us groan
    I blame it on being alone!
    Since the kids have all left
    We just felt so bereft
    (And they made a real cool buffer zone)

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    In the charge of the office, leaders bask,
    They mature and rise up to the task.
    But The Donald, alone
    In waistline only, has grown,
    His unfitness so apparent!.Don’t ask!

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    A true high-tech garden I own
    It’s so new that it’s not yet well-known
    You just plant a “spouse seed”
    Then you get what you need:
    My new husband’s “Organic Home Grown”

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not Quite Right!

    A real high-tech garden I own
    Just so great, yet it’s still not well-known
    You plant a “spouse seed”
    Then you get what you need
    My new husband’s organically grown.

  16. Dave Johnson says:

    While out with a new boyfriend Bill,
    She spotted her ex-husband Phil.
    Then took Phil aside
    And said rather snide:
    “No way does HE need a blue pill…”

  17. David Friedman says:

    I know how to make my wife moan,
    And to gasp, writhe, perspire and groan:
    I show her the nude,
    Total interest accrued
    On our son’s university loan.

  18. John Shardlow says:

    Jill’s gay and just had a divorce
    The reason? Too fond of the sauce
    “How are you holding your liquor”?
    She replied without flicker
    “With a hand on each ear, of course”!

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    You can sit there and moan and then groan
    Yet, by now you should know what I own
    After all, it’s our house
    And you’re still my dear spouse
    But you must stay away from my throne

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    How does a country get a divorce,
    From a leader, incompetent, coarse?
    An unstable bully,
    Whose shown this quite fully;
    A conflict of interest tour de force.

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    I don’t have a grandson who needs bail.
    The Police fund? That fake’s getting stale.
    Another SPAM call; I groan,
    Not IRS on the phone.
    No friend’s stuck in an out of state jail.

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    It’s no fun when your hip’s bone on bone,
    You limp around in pain and just groan,
    Hold tight, get a grip-
    You need a new hip,
    It’s not something you’d want to postpone.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    For harmony, I sure did strive
    I had wisdom, compassion and drive
    But now it is clear
    Why divorce was so near
    Seems the grounds were that I was alive

  24. P Diane Schneider says:

    IN RETROSPECT (The old hag from Nantucket)

    From Nantucket hailed the old crone
    The bucket had truly been thrown
    She got her divorce
    Rode off on her horse
    Transfixed by a drone (please don’t groan)

  25. Thomas Vincent says:

    Tough love may be fine when you’re grown
    But for children, best leave it alone
    If you raise kids or chard
    With a heart that is hard
    You’ll soon reap just what you have sown.

  26. P Diane Schneider says:

    The Rodeo Cowgirl

    The horse she’d rode in on was roan
    Before she was completely grown
    From childhood she rode
    Whilst wild oats she sowed
    This cowgirl had never been thrown

  27. Sue Dulley says:

    There once was a man with a phone
    Accustomed to which he had grown.
    On Twitter he’d tweet
    While he perched on a seat
    Which was commonly known as a throne.

  28. David Reddekopp says:

    I’ve made limericks an art all my own
    And as time has gone on, it has shown
    That my poetry runs
    With many more puns
    As my limerick collection has groan.

  29. Tim James says:

    A newlywed couple I know
    Will divorce in a few weeks or so.
    What’s the cause of their split?
    He’s not yet found her clit.
    If he can’t make her come, then she’ll go.

  30. Steve Benko says:

    My children are now fully grown,
    But I still don’t much care for their tone.
    By me they’re embarrassed,
    And visits? The rarest,
    Except when in need of a loan.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    In divorce court we had a bad spat
    In respect to our well-furnished flat
    All I said to my spouse
    Is that “I’ll take the house
    And in fairness, I’ll give you the cat”

  32. Kat Irving says:

    We’ve never considered divorce.
    Though death is an option, of course
    Like murder, perhaps,
    With a knife or an axe.
    But divorce? No indeed! Don’t be coarse!

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    Was it really just something I said?
    (He got angry; his face was all red)
    I remarked, “Well at last
    Our love’s in the past
    And HURRAY! We’re not happily wed”

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    My girlfriend’s got one yappy groan
    She complains I’m “uncouth” and real prone
    To try and act slick
    When it comes to my dick
    And she’s sick of my “open fly zone”

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Town”

    In Chicago some folks always groan
    And ignore its magnificent “tone”
    “Lake Shore Drive” is a SHOW!
    Yet they still can’t let go
    Of their mem’ry ’bout dear Al Capone

  36. Tim James says:

    A forlorn hope for Sue Dulley:

    That fellow who tweets from his phone
    Just employs it to bitch and to moan.
    Taunts and insults fly fast.
    We can hope it won’t last:
    Maybe things will improve when he’s grown.

  37. Sue Dulley says:

    “Forlorn” is right, Tim:

    I heard today’s news with a groan;
    My hopes for a quick change have flown,
    And starting this week
    The landscape looks bleak
    Or at least it has grown more unknown.

  38. Margie Nairn says:

    She hopped from the bed with a groan.
    Where’s that condom, it seems to have flown!
    Don’t be daft, said her mate,
    but please hurry! Too late!
    he said with a smile and a moan.

  39. Margie Nairn says:

    When on business, he’d call on the phone.
    “Are you naked?” he’d ask and she’d moan.
    “Aren’t you lonely my dear?”
    She asked with a tear.
    “No, I’m handling things on my own.”

  40. Tim James says:

    Take heart, Sue. It ain’t over yet.

    He’s flushed marriages straight down the loo.
    With his efforts this country to screw,
    He’s not done with this biz.
    If he thinks that he is,
    He’s divorced from reality, too.

  41. Sue Dulley says:

    Thanks Tim, your encouragement’s nice.
    He’s been dumped or divorced at least twice
    And now it seems clear
    That the voters next year
    (Or Melania) will make it thrice.

  42. Thomas Vincent says:

    Divorce theme:

    Said a dying and sad billionaire
    Leave my son, not one company share
    The bald fool’s divorce
    Is the reason of course
    One can only cut off a split heir.

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought marriage would truly be fun!
    Lucky me, I had found the “right one”
    After time, things went wrong
    Now I’m singin’ my song:
    Called “I do then I did it I’m done”

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    I let out a loud howling groan
    When somebody says on my phone:
    “Can you please hold?”
    (I become uncontrolled)
    And I travel to “no patience zone”

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Can’t think of a lim’rik with GROAN!
    I’m stuck in “illiterate zone!”
    Just don’t know a joke
    That is meant to provoke
    A zap in one’s humerus bone!

  46. Tim James says:

    A misogynist let out a groan
    At how “ugly” he found an old “crone.”
    No one’s told the big creep
    Beauty’s only skin deep;
    As for stupid, that goes to the bone.

  47. John Shardlow says:

    Don’t know what it takes these days
    but we teenagers in the 50’s were easily moved!

    An erection, a hard on, a bone
    The start of the process, a groan
    What started these ripples?
    The mention of nipples
    Or bus ridden on the way home

  48. Kirk Miller says:

    Though both of the Cyclops did try
    To make marriage work, theirs did die.
    Said the new divorcee,
    “We just couldn’t agree
    At all. Didn’t see eye to eye.”

  49. David Friedman says:

    According to one inside source,
    Melania wants a divorce.
    When asked why they’re splitting
    She said, “Are you kidding?
    Because he’s a disgusting, horrible, deceitful, evil, lying, cheating asshole — of course!”

  50. Jean McEwen says:

    He’s made off with the dogs and the house,
    Yet, he still feels empowered to grouse
    That I wouldn’t condone
    His crass cheating (well known)–
    As if I, and not he, were the louse.

  51. Jean McEwen says:

    Trump’s three oldest kids, now full grown,
    Are quite shameless; they blithely condone
    All their daddy’s disgusting
    Behavior. (They’re trusting,
    In time, all his billions they’ll own.)

  52. David Friedman says:

    After gulping down testosterone,
    Phil showed his wife how it had grown.
    She said, with chagrin,
    “It ain’t going in
    And itt certainly ain’t getting blown.”

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    For years, I was suff’ring with grief
    I’ll tell you my story real brief:
    I got wed, (then remorse)
    So I got a d-i-v-o-r-c-e
    And that is how I spell relief.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    I wanted to jump, yell and shout!
    I at last knew what love was about!
    So I married this guy
    But now I’m glad I
    Have finally found a way out!

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you see me, you’ll hear a deep groan
    Then, at times, it’s a kind of “soft moan”
    See, I played the bassoon
    Until one afternoon
    I got smacked with a brass slide trombone

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    At age 60, oh boy, did I groan!
    Due to mood swings, hot flashes, MARONE!
    So I went to Doc Bloated
    Came home and got loaded
    From a ten year supply of Estrone

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Minor Changes

    One will hear a real loud howling groan
    When somebody says on my phone:
    “Sir, can you please hold?”
    (I become uncontrolled)
    And I travel to “No Patience Zone”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh WOW! do I moan and I groan!
    For the coolest great star ever known!
    You can have your Brad Pitt
    But with me he’s no hit
    When compared to “WAY GOOMBAH” Stallone!

  59. John Shardlow says:

    Those toxins in mussels have grown
    Had the shits and just lost a stone
    In Dublin, my guts swish
    Because of those shellfish
    Not so sweet now, that Molly Malone

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    This fella’ oh how he did moan!
    He said, “Give me more, Babe, I won’t groan”
    I looked in his eyes
    And said “That’s no surprise
    Don’t you know I”m “Ms. Hot Ardissone?”

    (by Lisi Nortman Ardissone)

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: Could you change “Don’t you know I’m the “Hot Ardissone” to Don’t you know I’m “Ms. Hot Ardissone?” (line 5)

    Thank You


  62. Tim Gray says:

    At the time my wife and I parted,
    Then the trouble it really started.
    She took the house and the kids
    And left me on the skids
    And said, “It’s War, I’ve only got started”.

  63. Tim Gray says:

    I’m lawyered up, raring to go,
    Ready to strike the first blow.
    But first I’ll get married,
    Then I’ll get harried
    That’s what I’ve been led to know.

  64. Tim Gray says:

    Ellen said I’ve had enough.
    Six times I’ve been up the duff.
    You drink and you punch,
    And that’s before you’ve had lunch,
    So buddy, get out, take your stuff.

  65. Tim Gray says:

    The vows on our wedding day,
    That each did solemnly say,
    None can now deny,
    Were for her a big lie,
    As now she wants to go her own way.

  66. Tim Gray says:

    John said, “Here’s a little Home Grown
    From the small patch I have sown”.
    I said, “Get off your arse,
    This is just Grass”.
    He sighed and let out a moan.

  67. Tim Gray says:

    The seeds are all nicely sown
    In my little patch of “Home Grown”.
    So I’ll just roll a spliff
    And take a quick whiff
    And chill-out here on my own.

  68. Tim Gray says:

    John gave out a soft groan
    Followed by Jill with a moan,
    “There in that spot,
    It’s so darned hot,
    But it’s the best hot yoga zone”.

  69. Kat Irving says:

    I married my own Mr Right.
    My lover; my hero; my knight.
    Then I found out his shame;
    His secret first name
    Was Always! Divorced him outright!

  70. Kat Irving says:

    He cried when the judge looked his way.
    ‘Divorce me?’ he groaned in dismay.
    Then the judge wiped his tear
    With my checkbook. It’s clear
    That my Ex won the jackpot that day.

  71. John Shardlow says:

    Decree nisi we’re granted tomorrow
    And parting won’t be a ‘sweet sorrow’
    After decree absolute
    I think I will scoot
    And follow the straight and the narrow

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was married to Jim for so long
    It was tough, but I tried to be strong
    At last came divorce
    And I felt no remorse
    Cause the grounds were “He always was wrong’

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    I truly just could not resist “er
    (So happy to be her “One Mister”)
    After time we said “Bye”
    That real sad day that I
    Found out she was really my sister.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    True: My grandson Max, age 17

    My grandson is now fully-grown
    I love him as if he’s my own!
    Of this boy I’m so proud
    His head’s always bowed
    Cause his hands are attached to a phone

  75. Fred Bortz says:


    Of big boobs, I’ll tell you a story.
    Teen boys ogle girls in their glory.
    Those guys start to moan
    Over dolls who have grown
    Delightful in “that” territory.

    I’m guessing you think that this tale
    Refers to the female detail.
    If so, then you’ve got to
    Admit that I caught you.
    The boobs I referred to are male.

  76. Fred Bortz says:

    Revised verse 2


    Of big boobs, I’ll tell you a story.
    Teen boys ogle girls in their glory.
    Those guys start to moan
    Over dolls who have grown
    Delightful in “that” territory.

    I’m guessing you think that this tale
    Refers to how women regale.
    If so, then you’ve got
    To admit you’ve been caught.
    The boobs I referred to are male.

  77. John Shardlow says:

    A barista not keen on hygiene
    Got flush with excess of caffeine
    Her rubbing has shown
    Why customers groan
    She serves coffee whilst flipping the bean

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    My buddy was hurting and grieving
    He said, “My damn wife is deceiving”
    “I now have remorse
    That we got a divorce
    It sure is the high cost of leaving”

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version

    My buddy was hurting and grieving
    He said “I’m a victim of thieving”
    “The wife took my money
    Then said, “Good bye Honey”
    “Divorce is the “High Cost Of Leaving”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    The thought of divorce just upset ‘er
    She figured it out ” to the letter”
    She said, “It might work
    But my “hub’s” such a jerk
    I think that I’ll kill him. THAT’S BETTER!”

  81. John Shardlow says:

    A weightlifting lady from Hatch
    Tried to improve on her snatch
    A spray of Cologne
    And ’cos it had grown
    The total removal of thatch

  82. Kirk Miller says:

    Clever wordplay is something that’s known
    To elicit a giggle or moan.
    You will know for sure
    When a pun’s mature
    Because people will say it’s full groan.

  83. Margie Nairn says:

    Now that my children are grown,
    Even when they’re at home I’m alone.
    And it’s due to the fact,
    That we don’t interact,
    Because they spend all their time on the phone!

  84. Tim James says:

    A film review in limerick form

    A fictional Twister has grown
    Such that bovines and semis have flown.
    It’s quite clear at a glance
    That these guys had a chance
    To create a good movie. Chance blown.

  85. john Shardlow says:

    Mad, could you change line 4 of above to
    And ‘cos it had grown




  86. John Shardlow says:

    At the sight of a red traffic cone
    We motorists grumble and groan
    No sign of them working
    They’re all of us jerking
    By showing a hot line to phone

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve written a “Split-Up Decree”
    Please read it; I know you’ll agree:
    “We’ve both equal powers
    What’s yours is now ours
    The rest of the stuff is for me”

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: Line 4: Could you please change from What’s yours is still ours to What’s yours is now ours.
    Thank You, Lisi


  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    “groan” and “divorce”

    In divorce court, I clearly did groan!
    I said “I am damn near alone
    Ev’ry night in the bed
    She acts like she’s dead
    And I’m sick of romancing the stone”

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband’s 100 (Marone!)
    He accepts it and rarely will groan
    Claims he’s no longer “blue”
    Says it’s mainly due to
    Fine’ly paying his full student loan.

  91. Kat Irving says:

    Your snoring is making me weep
    And then poke out my eyes and then leap
    Into boiling hot turd
    And then gouge out the word
    Divorce on my tongue. LET ME SLEEP!

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    The bank chief just started to groan
    When I saw him and asked for a loan
    Then he really got pissed
    When I showed him my list
    Which itemized: “Steak” “Coffee” “Phone”

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Your Honor” he causes me strife!
    Just has totally ruined my life!
    He won’t help with my work
    Is just one utter jerk
    And as useless as “k” in a knife

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just listen pal; I’ll be your guide
    Use this law firm; they’re meant to provide
    They’re all very skilled
    (Even though she’s strong-willed)
    It’s called “Ditcher McSpeedy & Hyde

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s ME! And I’m starting to groan!
    I’m sick and my bladder’s full-blown
    You think you’re a queen
    But in fact, you are mean
    HURRY UP! It is time to dethrone!

  96. Brian Allgar says:

    Said King Henry, “I’m dying to wed
    Anne Boleyn – she gives really great head.
    So first I must ditch
    My last wife – frigid bitch!
    But the Pope says “You’re married till dead.”

    I’ve begged him until I am hoarse,
    But he simply won’t budge. Well, of course,
    I am nobody’s dope –
    I’ve outsmarted the Pope
    By inventing a thing called ‘Divorce’. “

  97. Dave Johnson says:

    A stripper club dancer is known
    To bring down the house on her own.
    Her circle of fans
    Never sit on their hands;
    She’s seen how its members have grown.

  98. Dave Johnson says:

    Despicable Donald has grown
    More stupid than we’ve ever known.
    With Russia now past,
    He has freedom at last
    To blow up the world with his phone.

  99. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump has confessed, and he’s toast!
    “I regret every lie, every boast.
    Now my conscience has grown,
    I resign from my throne
    With effect from the date of this post.”

  100. Tim Gray says:

    My backyard is all overgrown;
    Months since the lawn was last mown.
    The neighbours complain
    Again and again
    But I’m five thousand miles from my home.

  101. Tim Gray says:

    The Agapanthus plant is a weed
    That not only grows from its seed,
    But not generally known
    From the roots can be grown,
    And that is a warning to heed.

  102. Tim Gray says:

    One day when she was out walking,
    Jill noticed Jack busy gawking.
    She said with a groan
    Will you leave me alone,
    Piss off and stop all your stalking.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    This document sure made me groan!
    Its wording, to me, was unknown
    So I saw Rabbi Hunt
    He read back to front
    Then explained a Reverse Mortgage Loan

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now here’s one to sure make you groan
    I thought it up all on my own!
    Texas has horses
    It’s the place which of course is
    The state with the star that’s a lone

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Divorce! Oh Good Grief! What A Shame!
    You cry and you shout and you blame!
    Then you miss your ex-wife
    And you’re riddled with strife
    So the next time just take better aim.

  106. Dave Johnson says:

    A Mueller interview:

    Some grumbled while others would groan;
    Uncomfortable there all alone.
    Their questioner’s task
    Was to know what to ask;
    So hard getting down to the bone.

  107. Dave Johnson says:

    While calling and hearing a moan,
    She asked “Are you there all alone?”
    “Of course!” he replied
    Lying there by her side;
    Extending the nose he had grown.

  108. I once had a roommate who led
    his girlfriend to vacate his bed.
    One night, she did groan,
    but then he had to moan
    the name of her best friend instead.

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    I STILL have no clue so I groan
    In this technical world I’m alone
    My sis cut me slack
    When I didn’t call back
    I dunno how to answer my phone

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    My grandson Max, age 17 (true)

    My grandson is now fully-grown
    He lives in that “cutting-edge” zone
    I said, “My dear boy
    You don’t know the joy
    Of angrily slamming the phone”

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version

    My grandson is now fully-grown
    He lives in that “cutting- edge” zone
    I said,” My dear boy
    You don’t know the joy
    Of twisting the cord of a phone”

  112. John Shardlow says:

    The porn site said ‘Grow it by inches
    By means of some tubes and syringes’
    With ten dollars blown
    His dick hasn’t grown
    But becoming more frayed at the fringes

  113. Tim Gray says:

    Said Donald, seeking a loan,
    “See how my Empire has grown.”
    Cohen said, “Don,
    I hope you’re not wrong,
    There’s trouble if your lying becomes known.”

  114. Tim Gray says:

    Melania was crying all alone
    Choking a sob and a groan,
    She said, “Don how you lied
    And wounded my pride,
    I wish I was still on my own.”

  115. Tim Gray says:

    Trump is divorced from reality
    Saying climate change is not actuality.
    I doubt if he’s ever
    Really studied the weather
    And ecosystems in all their fragility.

  116. Allan Williams says:

    Said she, when I am full grown
    I’ll love you in ways never known
    Said he, cannot wait
    For impending hot date
    Let’s try out some growth hormone!

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    In spite of the fact I was grown
    If sick, I’d still go to the phone
    To call Mama Mia
    And ask her if she’a
    Would bring me some hot minestrone.

  118. Roger Haugen says:

    submission for groan limerick contest”

    The athlete delivered a groan
    When struck in the crotch by a stone;
    Like all macho jocks
    He’s proud of his rocks:
    “The most precious things that I own.”

  119. Tim Gray says:

    Trump might just moan and groan
    But the knives we’re starting to hone.
    When the report’s unredacted
    And fully extracted,
    Then he’ll be cut to the bone.

  120. Tim Gray says:

    You gang up on me en masse
    To systematically harass,
    But just let it be known,
    My popularity’s grown…
    Shows what little effect that it has.

  121. Tim Gray says:

    The sage said the following koan,
    “You’re still a child who has grown.
    You’ve been taught many things
    That true wisdom brings
    But still quote words that cannot be known.”

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend Sally Seamstress would groan
    Claimed the clothing she made always “shone”
    But she never got paid
    So I came to her aid
    And we reaped all the dresses she’d sown

  123. Lisi Nortman says:


    In Chicago, we’ll no longer groan
    On this lady the stars have all shone
    She’s black and she’s gay
    Let’s all shout “HIP HOORAY”
    ‘Bout time we came into our own!

    (Ms. Lori Lightfoot)

  124. Valerie Fish says:

    Twenty one years ago to the day
    A truly precious gift came my way
    She’s now fully grown
    With a life of her own
    Happy birthday, my beautiful Faye

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Divorce 60’s Style”

    I remember way back in the day
    My friends all got married in May
    After time came the “split”
    They just couldn’t commit
    Claimed the first one was merely fore play

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought I would never more groan
    No more meetings! I did this alone!
    Just assumed I was thin
    And at last I could grin
    Till I met my gargantuan clone

  127. Dave Johnson says:

    Kellyanne has a hubby who tweets;
    Scolding Trump’s reprehensible feats.
    Kissing up to her boss,
    Matrimonial loss
    Means George buys a new set of sheets.

  128. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends today, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “ex” always said “I’m the boss!”
    Had 10 other wives, (still got cross)
    Never lived all alone
    Still he’d gripe and he’d groan
    Thus his stones had not one grain of moss

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    I have a good reason to groan!
    I shall no longer visit Simone!
    She’s got this darn cat
    That just stinks like a rat
    Her pussy sure needs some cologne!

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version

    I sure have good reason to groan
    I shall no longer visit Ramone!
    He smells really fishy
    I certainly wish’e
    Would buy “No More Stink-Up” cologne

  132. Margie Nairn says:

    My husband refused a divorce.
    So I left, in an effort to force
    him to just face the fact:
    It’s the end of our act,
    Without any guilt or remorse.

  133. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 319. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Fused.