Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ARGUMENTS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ARGUMENT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 24, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 23, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I just had a nightmare — so real,
That it felt like the dreadful ordeal
Had been suffered while waking;
A hand I’d been shaking
Turned into a slippery eel.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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145 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DEAL or ORDEAL or IDEAL at the end of any one line”

  1. Kirk Miller says:

    For a woman to write with appeal,
    Punctuation’s what’s needed, I feel.
    When she talks, she will say,
    “Miss a comma, okay.
    Miss a period? That’s a big deal!”

  2. Kirk Miller says:

    A mammogram’s quite a big deal.
    The way breasts are squished is unreal.
    Breasts are mangled and pressed
    ‘Til it hurts your whole chest.
    Like a boob is the way that you feel.

  3. The Gaud Father offers a deal
    Dems cannot refuse or appeal:
    Kneel like Mike Pence,
    Give him his fence,
    Or millions of children will reel!

  4. It’s useless to argue with Trump,
    Whose brain is, at best, a small lump
    Producing a series
    Of con-spiracy theories
    That always erupt from his rump.

  5. Lisi Nortman says:


    P asquale was known as a “heel”
    O r sometimes we’d say he would steal!
    K ept our eyes on this guy
    E ach one knew he was sly
    (R emembered to not let him deal)

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Wifey” left me; I made my own meal!
    That argument surely was real!
    So I found some old crap
    And then gave it a “zap”
    (Seems cooking is quite an ordeal)

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    Got a really cool automobile
    (Always knew that used cars were a steal)
    The engine was missing
    Which caused some slight hissing
    I bought it! Oh Wow! What a deal!

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Terrible Argument”

    The toilet roll’s really a wonder!
    Especially pulled from way under
    When John turned it around
    It just dropped to the ground!
    And that is what tore us asunder.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker gave Donald her spiel:
    “Oh, your penis is simply ideal!
    What a wonderful dick!
    Not too long, not too thick!”
    (Thinks: “It’s more of a snack than a meal.”)

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    “Lemme tell you the art of the deal:
    Just break promises, lie, cheat and steal.
    All Republicans know
    It’s the best way to go …
    You say it’s dishonest? Get real!”

  11. Brian Allgar says:


    Though the guy had seduction in view,
    She had argued the whole evening through.
    At the end of the meal,
    She explained: “Here’s the deal –
    If you want me, my girl-friend comes too.”

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    (One day soon …?)

    “Believe me, my life’s an ordeal,
    And I’m planning to make an appeal,
    ’Cause my cellmate, Mike Pence,
    Never showers – too dense! –
    And the smell from his ass makes me reel.”

  13. John Shardlow says:

    My grandparents are having a tiff
    Of divorce in the air there’s a whiff
    He’s been raising hell
    I asked what’s that smell
    It’s grandma, she’s smoking a spliff

  14. Tim James says:

    You think Stone has cojones? Get real.
    He’ll take one look at Mueller and deal.
    When he’s finished, this crook
    Will have written a book
    With the title “The Art of the Squeal.”

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    The bistro had soft candle lighting,
    Her smile was come-hither, inviting.
    But her throat got a lump
    When he praised Donald Trump.
    They ended up angry and fighting.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    Each day it becomes an ordeal
    To read more of Trump’s BS spiel.
    His appeals to his base
    Are a national disgrace.
    He lies with through his teeth with such zeal.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    Her smile has great warmth and appeal.
    As kindness goes, she’s the real deal.
    She’s more abstruse than you think,
    She laughs and says with a wink!
    Who knows what her tales will reveal.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    Tony Schwartz ghosted Trump’s “The Art of the Deal”
    Made a fiction Trump of great appeal.
    Trump’s really thin-skinned, gets mad;
    Short attention span- it’s sad.
    A huge hoax that he’s such a big wheel.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    I don’t like to argue and fight,
    ‘Cause you know that I’m always right.
    Let’s drink wine and sup,
    Then pretend to make up;
    Love further, then call it a night.

  20. Thomas Vincent says:

    When the truth has become an ordeal,
    And the facts have all lost their appeal.
    Like Salvador Dali,
    You betcha by golly,
    Reality’s turning surreal.

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    My first husband had looks and appeal
    The second was kind, (so unreal)
    The third was a gem
    And I met all of them
    On a game show called “Let’s Make A Deal”

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby” said “Wow! such a deal
    I just bought a car; what a steal!
    It will have to be towed
    Every day on the road
    Cause it seems to be missing the wheel”

  23. In El Paso, Trump comes to call
    says this once bad place proves we need wall.
    El Paso gets real,
    says ‘Dude, what’s the deal?”
    Trump snaps, “Just nod and say y’all.”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:


    My husband just can’t see the light
    So we always get into a fight
    It is such a disgrace
    That these quarrels take place
    Cause I know that each time I am right.

  25. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Let’s play cards,” said my date. “Look, I’ll deal
    One card each; if you lose, you must peel.”
    He drew ten; I drew nine;
    He snapped “Well?” I said “Fine!” —
    And prepared all the spuds for our meal.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:


    D iana had such “strange” appeal
    E very day, something weird she’d reveal
    V icious words she would YELL
    I was living in hell
    L ooks to me I got one nasty deal

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s so hard to prepare a good meal
    The taste has to have “zip and zeal”
    We shed great BIG TEARS!
    For just so many years
    Chopping onions is such an ordeal

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick, line 5: Cutting onions is such an ordeal
    Should be Chopping onions is such an ordeal
    Could you change that for me?

    Thank You,


  29. P Diane Schneider says:

    Winter Blizzard

    A snow day does not mean no job
    I must brave the cold though I sob
    So crank up the zeal
    Confront the ordeal
    In truth though, it may trim the mob

  30. P Diane Schneider says:

    The Adventure

    I’ll tell you about my ordeal
    It got my attention I feel
    And I got a shock
    I could hardly walk
    I’d jumped in to swim with an eel

  31. John Shardlow says:

    You just aimed a kick at my head
    And after, you wished I was dead
    Then saying I’m crackers
    And twisting my knackers
    Tell me, is it something I said?

  32. Jean McEwen says:

    I trust you will never reveal
    These crotch selfies. So, here’s the deal:
    If these show up on Twitter
    I’ll be sore, pissed, and bitter;
    Your ass will take eons to heal.

  33. Jean McEwen says:

    Do you think I should marry my beau?
    There are arguments–both con and pro.
    He’s obnoxious and loud
    Still, he’s SO well endowed,
    And it’s hard to resist all that dough….

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mom’s making such a big deal
    This punishment’s simply unreal
    My car keys she hid
    And ALL that I did
    Was just fall asleep at the wheel

  35. Tim James says:

    Achilles got quite the raw deal:
    He got shot in the foot. The appeal
    Went from Greece to on high:
    “O you gods! Will he die?”
    The response from Olympus: “Yes, he’ll.”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    “How To Quickly End An Argument”

    He caught me with some other guy
    I really just thought I would die
    He yelled, “You and me
    Are through, dear Marie”
    Then I told him the right word was “I”

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    We women are smart as can be
    Please men, do not argue; you’ll see:
    That you always will lose
    So never refuse
    To say, “You are right. I agree”

  38. Lisi Nortman says:


    C arlito is just so unreal
    H e bought a cheap automobile:
    (U sed car with no brakes)
    M akes real stupid mistakes
    P roclaimed it was such a “Great Deal”

  39. Kirk Miller says:

    When you’re driving, you auto not peel
    Out real fast; torques folks off a good deal.
    It is fuelish, you see;
    Builds bad car-ma. Don’t be
    Biggest nut that’s behind steering wheel.

  40. Craig says:

    So Trump wrote “The Art of the Deal”
    But let me try keepin’ it real:
    His agenda reclusive
    And actions elusive
    Feel more like The Dart of the Eel

  41. Sharon Neeman says:

    Fluffy goaded Spot into a fight,
    But before he could get in one bite,
    She zoomed in, bit his rear,
    Raked his side, clawed his ear,
    Chomped his muzzle, then streaked out of sight.

  42. Sharon Neeman says:


    “I’ll make dinner all week,” said my spouse,
    “If you let me off cleaning the house.”
    “Are you crazy? No deal!
    Your idea of a meal
    Is cold hot dogs! Start scrubbing, you louse!”

  43. Mark G. Kane says:

    His appearance was far from ideal.
    Only she knew his hidden appeal.
    Others saw this odd pair,
    And they’d giggle and stare,
    But each evening he’d rouse a loud squeal.

  44. Craig says:

    (responding to Sharon’s first post above)

    Then he said “I propose something greater:
    To your sexual whims I will cater.
    Skip the kitchen ordeal,
    We’ll make love with great zeal –
    And if time allows, cook taters later!”

  45. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Terrible Argument”

    The toilet roll’s really a wonder
    When properly pulled from way under
    But John turned it around
    So it dropped to the ground
    And that is what tore us asunder

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    Activity Room Argument at “Senior Life’

    It’s really a terrible shame
    That “seniors” just won’t take the blame!
    At Bingo last night
    There was such a big fight
    And that was the end of the game!

    We heard that Doreen had B-2
    But Edna said “That is not TRUE!
    Told her she couldn’t “hear”
    “So please disappear
    And with all you old farts I am THROUGH”

  47. Amazzing says:

    Not trying to cause a hassle,
    Trump held a rally in El Paso,
    O’Rourke”s envy he couldn’t conceal,
    So a small protest was his deal,
    It turns out that Beto’s an asshole.

  48. Amazzing says:

    I hate prostate exams as I get older,
    My doctor friend said I need to be bolder,
    “It’s not that big a deal,
    You don’t need to squeal,
    Unless you feel a hand on each shoulder!”

  49. Dave Johnson says:

    They sometimes may quarrel at night;
    Declaring who’s wrong and who’s right.
    But then he will say
    “Let’s just call it a day.”
    Cause he’d rather dicker than fight.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:


    C arlito has real great appeal
    L oves to juggle, tell jokes and reveal
    O range shoes that are floppy
    W hile he drives his jalopy
    N ow isn’t that such a fun deal?

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of line 4 in above limerick:

    C arlito has real great appeal
    L oves to juggle, tell jokes and reveal
    O range shoes that are floppy
    W hile in his jalopy
    N ow isn’t that such a fun deal?

  52. Rallentanda says:

    the silken ladder is an ordeal
    for oboists it has no appeal
    when your nerve falls apart
    for the sake of your art
    you keep it together with steel

  53. cphenly says:

    Said his wife, “I do not want to fight!
    Can we just call it quits for tonight?”
    “No we can’t, cuz by Jove,
    Sherz my name’s Lefty Grove
    We are staying until I am right!”

  54. Valerie Fish says:

    We were trying to thrash out a deal
    But the swine knew my Achilles heel
    He hit my weak spot
    With all that he’d got
    And once again I fell for his spiel

  55. Lisi Nortman says:


    F elisha told Jack, “Here’s the deal:
    L et’s make love with real passionate zeal
    I n the evening, I’ll beep
    N ear your house in my Jeep
    G olly Gee! I hope no one will squeal”

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Argument On Its Way”

    If your wife starts that smart-aleck walk
    And you feel that she’s going to squawk
    A tiffs in the air
    So “hubby” beware:
    When she says, “Darling, we need to talk”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:


    My friend said, “Your house is damn FREEZING”
    ” I must say it’s very displeasing”
    “Cause my “hub” will just bitch”
    “I’d much rather spend my life SNEEZING”

  58. Amazzing says:

    #MeToo has not yet hit China,
    Chinese men need to use the vagina,
    To thrust it daily with great zeal,
    As preventative medicine it is ideal,
    For the horrible plague of Oriental Angina.

  59. Gina Buselli says:

    Dear lawnmower, you get your kicks
    Making much noise and stirring up sticks
    That bite at my heel
    So, here is the deal
    If you nip me again, I’ll throw bricks

  60. Gina Buselli says:

    My funny bone, I bumped today
    It was painful, not funny, I say
    It was quite the ordeal
    The pain made me kneel
    Now, both my knees are not okay

  61. Dave Johnson says:

    He drove with one hand on the wheel;
    The other was copping a feel.
    Responding in kind,
    She said “Hope you don’t mind;
    Your stick shift is not a big deal.”

  62. Amazzing says:

    His retort was “I’m proud of my crank,
    You mean spirited blankety blank,
    Finding your boobs’ an ordeal,
    Their tiny size is unreal,”

    “OH NO, what you said was a prank?!?”

  63. Tim James says:

    My gal and I just had a spat.
    We have fights at the drop of a hat
    Which I start, by design,
    ‘Cause I’ve taken a shine
    To the make-up sex. Yes, it’s all that.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lolita and John had a spat
    She said, “Hubby, dear, that is that!
    “Here’s my final good bye
    Since it’s clearly that I
    Spend more quality time with the cat!”

  65. Mark G. Kane says:

    Tying cash to a teasing reveal,
    The stripper was ready to deal.
    For a “Sawbuck” or “Fin,”
    She would show off more skin,
    But a “Benjamin” earned them a feel.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:


    C arlito buys gifts at a “steal”
    H e always just finds a “great deal”
    E very Christmas for Jaques
    A real snazzy sock!
    P retty soon they will all have a heel.

  67. John Shardlow says:

    A money mad girl from Great Billing
    Who, for coins of the realm would be willing
    For three pence, the deal
    Would give you a feel
    Now think what she’d do for a shilling!

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Patricia and Brian”

    I’ll tell you just why I was cryin’
    Last night I was fightin’ with Brian
    I asked, “Do I look fat?”
    He said, “NO! my sweet Pat”
    (I punched him because he was lyin’)

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    This time I had more than a frown!
    My husband just acts like a clown!
    Our divorce is in place
    Cause it’s such a disgrace
    That he won’t put the toilet seat down.

  70. Sharon Neeman says:

    I would laugh at an actor who spoke
    Like a bumpkin — but this is no joke!
    Having Trump at the wheel
    Is a horrid ordeal.
    Won’t he do us a favor and croak?

  71. Dave Johnson says:

    Their visit was such an ordeal;
    An argument struck every meal.
    The guest room’s a mess;
    When we move, I must stress
    It’s something we’ll have to conceal.

  72. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad – could you change line 4 of the above to read:
    “When we move, I must stress”

    Thanks, Dave


  73. Tim James says:

    The dream I had seemed very real.
    I was granted three wishes. Good deal!
    I chose ending all war,
    Wealth and joy for the poor,
    And a weekend with Jessica Biel.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:


    I n this age that is just so unreal
    C omputers have caused lots of zeal
    O n everyone’s screen
    N ew symbols are seen
    S o people, we just gotta’ “deal”

  75. Margie Nairn says:

    Theme: argument
    With sisters and brothers it’s true.
    We argue–it’s just what we do!
    In the car, in the bath
    we incurred mother’s wrath,
    so she punished us all through and through!

  76. Margie Nairn says:

    The judge said, “I’ll make you a deal
    for a small fee, I’ll grant your appeal.”
    but her plan did backfire
    when the crook wore a wire,
    then said, “let me off or I’ll squeal!”

  77. Margie Nairn says:

    When shopping for towels it’s ideal
    to judge less by looks than by feel.
    But those soft to the touch,
    often cost twice as much,
    so you might have to borrow–or steal!

  78. Margie Nairn says:

    Mr Trump says he’s king of the deal,
    but his taxes he just can’t reveal.
    All the lies, scams and hate,
    that we’ve witnessed to date,
    are simply just part of his spiel.

  79. Margie Nairn says:

    How long must we face this ordeal?
    With a guy that decides things by feel?
    Too stupid to read,
    and immersed in his greed,
    we’re nothing but cogs in his wheel.

  80. Margie Nairn says:

    He says he can make any deal.
    But believe me, that none of it’s real.
    He’s an arrogant nut,
    who decides things by gut,
    for what reasons he’s yet to reveal.

  81. Margie Nairn says:

    I’m done with the Sunday talk shows
    that feature political foes.
    They will argue and spin
    over who’s going to win,
    when the truth is that nobody knows!

  82. Margie Nairn says:

    We went to the ballots and chose,
    after weighing the cons and the pros.
    After many ordeals
    Mr Trump now reveals,
    that each day his incompetence grows.

  83. Amazzing says:

    Ocasio-Cortez is the new liberal sweetie;
    With the brains of a bird named Tweety;
    Free stuff for all is her deal;
    She doesn’t even try to conceal,
    That on the government she wants all to be needy.

    Without substance she’s only a cutie;
    Ironically, Feminists despise female beauty;
    Politically she’s far from ideal;
    With just “flash in the pan” appeal,
    Unless she can get male votes as a nudie.

    Trains, planes and the automobile,
    Two out of three form the worst climate ordeal;
    Airplanes have to be grounded;
    But AOC has not expounded;
    High speed rail to Hawaii-get real!

  84. Amazzing says:

    Mad: I must have double tapped-please delete one of the above.
    Thanks – Mazz


  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    argument about to happen

    My darling, I have to agree
    That Facebook’s enjoying to see!
    When I browsed it last night
    Something just wasn’t right
    Cause who in the hell is Marie?

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    another argument on its way:

    Don’t ever remind your wife, “Jo”
    Bout something that she’ll ALWAYS know
    If you mention the fight
    That one time you were right
    She might say she just “let it go”

  87. Lisi Nortman says:


    H ave you written some lim’riks yet feel
    A sense they’re too long for appeal?
    I n 3 lines might be better
    K eep track of each letter
    U ndercount for a true well-versed deal

  88. Dave Johnson says:

    They hired a stripper named Neil;
    Whose stature was less than ideal.
    Amid giggles and stares,
    He jiggled his wares;
    Though barely enough to appeal.

  89. Dave Johnson says:

    The Trump-Coulter spat:

    Ann Coulter is back on his case;
    “Trump’s border defeat’s a disgrace!”
    Then back on her broom,
    She flies out of the room;
    Dead spiders are left in her place.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “sweetie” could not see the light
    He thought we were having a fight!
    It wasn’t a spat
    It simply was that
    I was merely explaining I’m right.

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    How To Win Arguments On Current Affairs

    Don’t argue or ever admit
    That you’re stupid; you must never quit!
    If given a fact
    Here is how to react:
    Be creative and make up some shit.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:


    W ith you I can no longer deal
    A nd certainly from now on feel
    T hat you give the wrong time
    C onsidering I’m
    H ours late for my date with Lucille

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    Supporters of Trump should be proud;
    He’s showing he’ll never be cowed
    By Congress and such.
    He’ll argue as much,
    While fondling nuts in the crowd.

  94. John Shardlow says:

    Spooner tried Tinder, a punt
    For extras he must pay up front
    His dates an ordeal
    He made this appeal
    Release me from this Cupid stunt

  95. Valerie Fish says:

    Why must men make such a big deal
    When their wives get behind the wheel
    ‘Women drivers!’ they cry
    With no good reason why
    Petty male chauvinism I feel

  96. Lisi Nortman says:


    W inona just had zilch appeal
    A girl who was “Miss heart of steel”
    C ould rob a bank
    K ill folks (so rank)
    O h man! this gal was one ordeal

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    How To avoid stress and not have an argument!

    If your “hubby” is wearing one sock
    My friend, do not go into shock
    Both go visit your friends
    And discuss all the “trends”
    Then go home and just say “nighty night”

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    A lesson I learned from my mother in the 1960’s: how not to have an argument:

    If “hubby dear” makes a wrong turn
    Here’s something that all wives should learn:
    Just keep your mouth shut
    And sit on your butt
    So what if you never return?

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    ‘Ya just can’t win!

    Even though you feel very intense
    Don’t try to ” work in” your defense
    All women will win
    So just keep up that grin
    (Even when they don’t make any sense)

  100. P Diane Schneider says:

    The doctor said “Here’s what you’ve got”
    “Bronchitis is what you have caught”
    “But doctor, you’re wrong!”
    “Just tarried too long
    With a bong, and doctor, it’s snot!”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    error in rhyming in limerick written 4:56 pm Here is a similar one which rhymes:

    “How to avoid stress and not have an argument”

    If your “Hubby” looks off-beat and queer
    Cause he’s wearing a sock on his ear
    Both go visit your friends
    And discuss latest “trends”
    Then go home and say, “Nighty night, dear”

  102. John Shardlow says:

    Even more stress avoidance

    When his moment of passion was through
    She said “anything else I should do”
    Then the heartless bugger
    Says “milk with no sugar”
    It’s time she said toodeloo!

  103. Lisi Nortman says:


    If your “hubby” should make the wrong turn
    Here is something that all wives should learn:
    Just keep your mouth shut
    And sit on your butt
    Cause it simply is not your concern

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    OH MAN! Did he get some great deal
    That Mercedes is just so unreal
    I can’t offer a price
    So I need your advice
    Should I beg? Should I borrow? Or steal?

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    A R G U E and “ordeal” ( an attempt at a limerick and an acrostic )

    A tiff is sure quite an ordeal
    R emember it takes long to heal
    G et a bottle of wine
    U ncork (just divine!)
    E nd your fight and go have a nice meal

  106. Doug Harris says:

    “Two-for-one on new lenses, a steal”,
    The optometrist said with appeal
    Through his monocle stare.
    “I buy mine by the pair”,
    I replied, “So it’s hardly eye-deal!”

  107. John Shardlow says:

    A handsome wrestler named Gough
    Was fighting an opponent called Toff
    The referees clutches
    Saved him from crutches
    Whilst the girls were pulling him off

  108. John Shardlow says:

    The Bible Belt vote for the right
    Helping Donald to fight the good fight
    To depths they’re descending
    They support ethnic cleansing
    And just pray that Jesus is white

  109. Dave Johnson says:

    They went to a party last night
    That led to a late-evening fight.
    His wandering eyes
    Earned another surprise:
    “The couch!” as she reached for the light.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    At first he would scream, then he’d shout
    I was right. He was wrong. There’s no doubt
    I pushed his fat ass
    He whizzed straight through the glass
    I must say that was some falling out.

  111. Tim James says:

    Pardon my profanity…

    People argue online quite a bit;
    Many tweets are just quarrelsome shit.
    I have one thing to say
    About Twitter today:
    The emphasis lies on the “Twit.”

  112. Victor Hood says:

    The neophyte gambler had zeal
    So he said to the dealer “just deal!”
    With his purse soon consumed
    He said as he fumed
    “This game has lost it’s appeal.”

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    There once was a “senior” pursuit
    Concerning a man judged as “cute”
    Gert said, “I saw him first!”
    And with that, Edna cursed
    It was known as the “Blue Hair Dispute”

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    What started as friendly debate,
    Turned heated – both sides were irate.
    The subject (no doubt
    You can figure it out)
    Was baseball; who’s best at the plate?

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s something about immigration
    That’s tearing apart this great nation
    However you feel
    It is quite an ordeal
    And triggers a loud altercation

    (double duty)

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    We got into quite a loud wrangle
    My Bill, I just wanted to strangle
    He wore only one spur
    And two I prefer
    He jingled but he didn’t jangle

  117. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’m sick of this fighting and fuss!
    It makes me unsure about us
    When you point at my “mounds”
    And you snap “Lose some pounds!” —
    Though your own gut’s held in by a truss.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh, Boy did I blow a big fuse!
    And it isn’t like me to abuse!
    But when John hung the clothes
    In very neat rows
    He mixed in the reds with the blues!

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re having a loud spousal fight
    And he’s yelling with all of his might
    Here’s a guaranteed trick
    That will shut him up quick:
    Tell him, “Darling, you’re thoroughly right”

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    This is a slightly changed “A R G U E” acrostic that I think is better than the one from Feb 18th at 10:45 AM

    A tiff is sure quite an ordeal
    R emember it takes time to heal
    G et a bottle of wine
    U ncork, don’t decline
    E nd that fight and go have a nice meal

    (double duty)

  121. Amazzing says:

    Scientologist, Muslim, Atheist or Satanist,
    Inclusion of all religions we do insist;
    It’s a human right is how we feel,
    But if you’re Christian or Jew it’s no deal,
    Such myopic beliefs the elite must resist.

    Now Jesus is asserted to be linked to Trump,
    That alleges Christians are now in the dump,
    For Fascists this is prattle ideal,
    Hatred for Christians they cannot conceal,
    It’s that-or someone is talking out of their rump.

    The Bible Belt prays that Jesus is white?
    For Black and Hispanic Christians is this a delight?
    Is this the ideal?
    Please I appeal!
    Sounds more like the dribble from Reverend Wright!

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Listen, Wives! This may sound quite bizarre!
    Do NOT let those “tiffs” go too far!
    Please don’t get irate
    Cause you still need your mate
    When you just cannot open a jar

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    There once was a lady named Liz
    Who everyone said was a “whiz”
    When her “hub” bought a Jag
    They would fight and she’d nag
    Now her license plate says, “It Was His”

  124. David Friedman says:

    Miserly Harvey McNeal
    Paid two forty-five for his meal;
    While he got atrociously
    Bad trichinosis, he
    Raved, “But I got a good deal!”

  125. David Friedman says:

    A woman named Marjorie Steele
    Tried to have sex with an eel
    She said that a stocking
    Helped with the shocking
    And that it was worth the ordeal.

  126. David Friedman says:

    If you want to kill, maim or steal,
    Your lawyer might plea out a deal,
    But if you are tried
    And become Bubba’s bride,
    There’s always a chance on appeal.

  127. Dave Johnson says:

    Another insidious spiel;
    Just part of this rotten ordeal.
    Trump gaslights with glee
    While the whole world can see
    Our ship of state starting to keel.

  128. Amazzing says:

    She sternly argued for virginity:
    As moral sex was not a reality:
    But a dapper young lad named Peter,
    Convinced her to let him eat her,
    Now a nymph she includes beastiality!

  129. John Shardlow says:

    His weakness was dating a strumpet
    Said his wife could like it or lump it
    Now feeling a failure
    Over crushed genitalia
    He now prefers toast over crumpet

  130. John Shardlow says:

    Mad, please correct saiid to said (line 2).


  131. David Friedman says:

    Ann argued daily with Joel
    Who would leave the seat up on the bowl.
    Joel had to leave town
    The day Ann sat down
    And got her ass wedged in the hole.

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    I worked very hard to conceal
    Certain items I would not reveal:
    Paper, metal and glass
    Plastic bottles and brass
    Damn recycling is such an ordeal.

    (Mad: would it make it more sense to say, “Damn recycling is such an ordeal”

    Please change if you think so….thank you, Lisi )


  133. Lisi Nortman says:


    B ack in Brooklyn, New York, a big deal
    ( A “nosh” that had such vast appeal)
    G ave us joy when we chewed
    E each one had to include
    L ox and cream cheese. Now THAT’S a great meal

  134. Lisi Nortman says:


    Even though you may be on the brink
    Don’t argue; just make him a drink!
    Mix it perfectly right
    There is no need to fight
    Hand it over and give him a wink

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our tryst we must never reveal
    So I found us a place that’s ideal
    At the dog park we’ll hug
    Just right under my pug
    And his barking will hide what we feel

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick : Could you change line 4 which reads: Right near the white pug to “Just right under my pug”
    Thank you,Lisi


  137. Amazzing says:

    Immigration once made the US hearty,
    But our law enforcement has since become tardy,
    But that’s been ideal,
    To California, for real,
    Causing the death of their Republican Party.

    When I listen to the political prattle,
    With Democraps or Republisins I’ll battle,
    Both unreal,
    Here’s the deal,
    I’d much rather listen to cattle.

    For a third run at DC came a self-serving twit;
    But it was only a Senate seat that was won by Mitt;
    His Op-Ed was an ugly ordeal,
    But his true colors he could not conceal,
    He’s a sore-losing, small-minded, back-stabbing shit.

  138. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  139. Valerie Fish says:

    Whenever the wife and I have a fight
    She just always has to be right
    Well now she’s got her way
    There’s nothing more to say
    I’m leaving the old hag tonight.

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    Medical Argument

    Dr. Tushy and I had a clash
    I just wouldn’t give him more cash!
    Been coming for weeks
    I’m still scratching my cheeks
    He’s done nothing to help with this rash

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    She promised that she’d never roam
    But we argued; I thought I would “foam”
    She just wasn’t true
    And this was my clue:
    The parrot said, “Hurry! He’s home!”

  142. Lisi Nortman says:

    R obert said Janie had such appeal
    E very day she just made this guy feel:
    E ndless love, but alas
    K inda’ grasped she was crass
    S ince bathing was such an ordeal


  143. Byron Miller says:

    Social media’s such an ordeal;
    It compels me to tweet how I feel.
    Now I can’t sit alone
    Without holding my phone
    And I won’t face a book that is real.

  144. Dave Johnson says:

    What started as one little spat,
    Would double down way beyond that.
    He’d asked her to not
    Show his buddies she got
    Two chances to play tit for tat.

  145. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 316. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Need.