Archive for November, 2018

More Life With Mark And Madeleine

Monday, November 26th, 2018

Mark: Alexa says it isn’t going to rain.

Madeleine: Alexa needs to get out more.


Mark: I’m going to reformat and re-post “Life With Mark and Madeleine” of yours from last year.” Is that ok?

Madeleine: Be careful about wearing out your welcome.

Mark: But it was very popular! I’m gonna do it.

Madeleine: Whatever…

Mark: Thanks for your permission.

Madeleine: It wasn’t permission. It was a sigh of helplessness and hopelessness.


Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Madeleine: We have to throw out your Romaine lettuce.

Mark: Why?

Madeleine: There’s another E. coli scare.

Mark: Damn! I just had Romaine in my Greek salad.

Madeleine: How’s your stomach.

Mark: Fine … until now.


Mark: Did you know you can ask Alexa to tell you a story?

Madeleine: I hear enough stories from you.


Madeleine: Are we in the middle of a “Masters Of Sex” episode?

Mark: No, we finished it.

Madeleine: What’s the last thing you remember?

Mark: Finishing it.


Madeleine: “Alexa, bake one potato.”

Alexa: “Hmmm, I don’t know that.”

Madeleine: That’s because you aren’t a microwave.

Mark: Don’t be mean to Alexa!


Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PAIRS or PEARS or PARES or REPAIRS or PREPARES or COMPARES at the end of any one line

Saturday, November 17th, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PAIRS or PEARS or PARES or REPAIRS or PREPARES or COMPARES at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to THEFT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best THEFT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 2, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 1, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

It appears that my car needs repairs;
From the noise, you would swear that some bears
Are marauding inside,
Which ain’t good for the ride…
And impairs surreptitious affairs.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick-Off Award (310)

Saturday, November 17th, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to DAVID FRIEDMAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Said a personal ad that was placed
By a woman some claimed was unchaste:
“They think I’m immoral
But I’m only oral
With men of impeccable taste.”

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special FOOTWEAR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

I have heard of a cat (Russian Blue)
Who would frequently pee in a shoe.
If I got one for Trump,
Could I teach it to dump?
He deserves solid Russian gifts, too.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, Tim James, Brian Allgar, David Friedman, Tim Gray, Lisi Nortman, Margie Nairn, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Tony Holmes:

When in public she’s very strait-laced,
And her scoldings leave many red-faced.
But in secret, she gloats
Over sowing wild oats.
Is her guilt for those urges displaced?

Sharon Neeman:

Roasting turkey? Use whiskey to baste
(Not the bird, but the guests) till well laced.
Please believe me: when high,
They won’t know the bird’s dry,
And your trust in me won’t be misplaced.

Tim James:

A woman preferred to stay chaste
Before marriage. She therefore replaced
Standard nookie with head.
What’s the news from her bed?
Word of mouth: she’s a gal of good taste.

Brian Allgar:

“The Balkans or Baltics, who cares?
That war happened,” the Donald declares.
“So I got them misplaced?
Well, it’s gotta be faced,
They’re all BALs, so the fault must be theirs.”

Tony Holmes:

As the deadline approaches, we’re braced,
Never thinking it might be replaced.
Forced to wait, hopes on hold;
Seven days – who got gold?
Were we mentioned or were we disgraced?

David Friedman:

I fear we are currently faced
With an earth that will soon be replaced
With poisonous waves
That waft past our graves
Of toxic industrial waste.

Sharon Neeman:

“I’m ruined,” she whispered, white-faced;
“The horse that I backed was outpaced!
My Little Miss Muffet
Came second — oh, stuff it!
Two million to win, and Miss placed.”

Tim Gray:

I tripped and by accident placed
My hand on an Arab girl’s waist.
And you should have heard ’er;
She screamed bloody murder.
By her father and brother I’m chased.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

My life is a damn total waste;
All the money I stole has been traced.
So I’m running amok,
And the “L” in my luck
With an “F” has been surely replaced.


Tim James:

Her stilettos were stunning. What’s more,
She had fine thigh-high boots by the score.
I was truly obsessed
By the way that she dressed ―
Because footwear was all that she wore.

Lisi Nortman:

New shoes always play a great role
In something called Sadness Control.
Though they won’t change your life,
When you’re feeling some strife
They do wonders for lifting your sole.

Margie Nairn:

In order to dance like Astaire,
Your feet must feel lighter than air.
It’s all in the shoes,
So be sure that you choose
A stylish but comfortable pair.

David Friedman:

There once was a wealthy young gopher
Who lived in Shaquille O’Neal’s loafer.
He said, “I can go
From the heel to the toe,
But only if I call the chauffeur.”

Fred Bortz:

He punted from where it was slick,
Caught his cleats, broke his leg like a stick.
While his fracture was healing,
They asked, “How ya feeling?”
“Pretty good,” he replied. “I can’t kick.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Facebook Outage Panic (Limerick)

Monday, November 12th, 2018

When Facebook is down, people panic
And often become rather manic.
Some report it to Twitter,
Whose regulars titter
At our Facebook addiction Satanic.

Limerick Ode To Stout Day (1st Thursday of November)

Thursday, November 1st, 2018

While I don’t drink stout (or any sort of beer, ale, lager, etc.) I couldn’t resist celebrating “International Stout Day” with a limerick:

A patient whose ailment was gout,
Was informed that he drank too much stout.
The fellow turned pale,
As he yelled “I need ale!
“Downing beer is what living’s about.”