Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENT, SENT, or CENT at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SCENT, SENT, or CENT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GAMBLING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GAMBLING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 28, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 27, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

The Republican Party is bent
And broken; its rapid descent
Into evil’s been led
By Trump. It’s in bed
With a “gent” who has much to repent.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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152 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENT, SENT, or CENT at the end of any one line”

  1. Sharon Neeman says:

    I never will give my consent
    To “infer” when “imply” is what’s meant,
    “There” for “their,” “then” for “than,”
    “Cant” for “can’t,” “may” for “can,”
    Or a tab for a first line indent.

  2. Sharon Neeman says:

    Don’t get stymied by Rump, Neil and Brett —
    We can surely take Congress back yet;
    But the stakes, come this fall,
    Will be “winner take all” —
    If we all vote, we’ll do it, I’ll bet!

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    “Believe me, those tax breaks weren’t meant
    To you buy food and pay rent.
    All those trillions in cash
    Were not given to trash –
    They were just for the .1%.”

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    Ooops, posted a wrong version. Correction:

    “Believe me, those tax breaks weren’t meant
    To help you buy food and pay rent.
    All those trillions in cash
    Were not handouts to trash –
    They were just for the .1%.”

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    No, the Senator cannot be bought!
    Susan Collins for sale? What a thought!
    But her vote is to rent
    If you need her consent –
    Just six figures, and Brett’s in the Court.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    “If he wins, I shall eat it!” I spat.
    “Trump’s a moron, a spoiled, ageing brat!”
    Today, I am rueing
    My wager, still chewing
    That huge, indigestible hat.

  7. Mike Moulton says:

    The right wing has tried to cement,
    Their control over our government,
    And as they campaign
    Their slogans are vain,
    And their promises not worth a cent.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The manatee uses its farts
    To stay buoyant. Such flatulent arts
    Helped the Donald’s ascent,
    And the farts of that gent
    Are still keeping him “high” in the charts.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    The effort is truly wholehearted
    So now with your money, you’ve parted
    You’re on a “hot streak”
    You have just reached your peak
    Then end up right where you have started

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    The others he thought he outsmarted
    Then soon as this game had been started
    He bet his last penny
    And just like so many
    This fool and his money soon parted.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The trillions of debt that we’ve spent?
    I’m just doing what Vladimir meant.
    “The US must crash,
    Then I’ll buy you for cash
    When your country’s not worth one red cent.”

  12. Patrice Stewart says:

    Barry’s Bane

    The small demon grinned: I was sent
    To prevail if you try to prevent
    Your descent into hell
    ‘Cause, boy, gambling is swell!
    I’ll leave after you’ve not one red cent.

    But Beth, Barry’s wife, snarled: You imp,
    You’re Blackout Casino’s worst pimp!
    Barry, stop where you are
    Now and go get the car!
    Then she speared Nastykins like a shrimp.

    With all gamblers, it’s best to be wary;
    All too soon, he was Backslidin’ Barry.
    He got hold of a Visa
    From new girlfriend Lisa…
    On your shoulder, hon, look! It’s a fairy!
    (Beth left him for non-gamblin’ Gary.)

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    (a sure bet)

    This hooker had one crafty skill
    She’d steal all your money, then “thrill”
    Trump said, “Don’t think she
    Would like someone like me”
    Then I bet him a penny, “She will”

  14. Diane Groothuis says:

    Her husband was starting to vent
    At the smell of her very strong scent.
    And he said “What’s that stench?”
    She replied “It is French”
    So he said “Just open the vent”

  15. Gina Buselli says:

    There once lived a young player named Jill
    Whose fast charm was a rather hard pill
    She could beat Jack at
    Black Jack with his hat
    On his head, in his hand, up the hill

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    Las Vegas Jerk

    HEY! Welcome to “21 Table”
    Now play it as BEST as you’re able
    The dealer’s got 20
    She says, “Hit me for plenty”
    (We threw her right under the table)

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    At poker, she wanted to win
    She sat there with quite a big grin
    In her hand 5 great cards
    And of course, no discards
    She goes crazy. Stands up. And yells “GIN”

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    Blackjack Anyone?

    “Well how much is 20 plus 1?
    “C’mon now, we’ve only begun!”
    “I think it is 40”
    “That’s right! (My friend Morty)
    “How ’bout Hop Scotch, you Flake Of A Gun?

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now this is my LAST cigarette!
    So why does my pal look upset?
    I told him, “It’s true”
    “With this habit I’m through”
    Then he said, “Ha Ha Ha” “Wanna bet?

  20. Sharon Neeman says:

    A French writer of doubtful intent
    Weds a young girl who hasn’t a cent;
    Then comes a great scandal
    He finds hard to handle…
    The name of this film’s not “Co-Lent.”

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    A quite terrible message was sent
    By the White House. It’s clear what Trump meant-
    That people’s lives don’t matter;
    The Saudi’s he’ll flatter,
    As long as corporate profits augment.

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    They gamble on the fate of the earth,
    They view climate change with great mirth.
    They couldn’t care less
    The planet’s a mess,
    As long as they increase their net worth.

  23. Judith H. Block says:

    What’s that now? Just follow the scent;
    Get closer, the smell will augment.
    The swamp’s true, horrible stink,
    Is even worse than you’d think,
    As our country continues its descent.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    At Bingo, we’re all big-time betters
    But some of us can’t hear the letters!
    Jane swore it was “B”
    Had a fight with Marie
    The funeral’s at two at “The DEBTORS”

  25. Thomas Vincent says:

    Okay, maybe I’ll get points for trying the added challenge of including everything in one limerick.

    The ads say Ivanka’s new scent
    Must certainly be Heaven sent.
    To try out a tickle
    I’d bet a wood nickel
    But I never would spend a real cent.

  26. Jean McEwen says:

    Brett’s K’s choirboy claims had the scent
    Of enormous deception, but went
    Undisputed by those
    Who’ve proved anything goes
    When on stacking the Court you’re hell-bent.

  27. Tim James says:

    A communist wanted to rent
    A young whore till his urges were spent.
    But this hard-working doxy
    Showed free-market moxie
    And took him for ev’ry Red cent.

  28. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Money’s gone and I don’t have a cent.
    Every dime that I had has been spent.
    Bet it all on a horse,
    Came in dead last, of course.
    Now I’ll have to go live in a tent.

  29. Ken Gosse says:

    Don’t Toss Your Pearls ~
    Some say my limkericks are gambling
    That folks won’t think they’re always rambling,
    But they don’t deserve
    The cuisine that I serve—
    Like pearls before swine, they see ham bling.

  30. Tony Holmes says:

    Two In One

    When I said how much money she’d spent
    I thought, “Hey! Maybe now she’ll relent.”
    But the gleam in her eye
    Said, “The Jackpot is nigh!
    And I won’t hear a word of dissent!”

  31. Tony Holmes says:

    Two In One 2

    When I said how much money she’d spent
    I thought, “Hey! Maybe now she’ll relent.”
    But the gleam in her eye
    Said, “The Jackpot is nigh!
    You could jinx it, so ditch the dissent!”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    Every dime of our money’s been spent
    We simply cannot pay our rent
    So me and “My Kenny”
    Now moved to “The Penny”
    So that each month we just pay one cent

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    The President’s Here! (what a gent)
    “Now Ma’m, only with your consent:
    “I’ll give you a thrill
    “All your needs I’ll fulfill”
    (“Have a nice day, you owe me a cent”)

  34. Tim James says:

    A hacker of criminal bent
    Pilfered money wherever he went.
    Cyber bloodhounds gave chase,
    But this guy was an ace ―
    And he left them with nary a (s)cent.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Gamblers Anonymous” set
    Is a group who are greatly in debt
    But our “chief” didn’t show
    Seems that he had to go
    To the race track to place a “sure bet”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    In Las Vegas, I bet the big “G”
    (Had some fun, just Maria and me)
    I spent all my money
    Then my wife said, “Look Honey!”
    “They gave us our drinks all for FREE!”

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: Could you please change (in line 2)
    and put in: “Took a trip just Maria and me” instead of
    (Had some fun just Maria and me)

    Thank You Lisi

  38. John shardlow says:

    Divorce papers signed, sealed and sent
    Since my husband stopped being a gent
    Hormonal injections
    Have stopped his erections
    And now he’s wearing my scent

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    My lover just makes me content
    Our sex life is quite an “event”
    But I have one strict rule
    I don’t mean to be cruel:
    “Leave your shoes on, I can’t take the scent”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    I bathe once a month to prevent
    Wasting water, (I sure do resent)
    And then every day
    I apply “Lilac Spray”
    So that people will notice my scent.

  41. Al Hood says:

    I’m perplexed by the very word, scent
    It’s a puzzle I can’t circumvent
    It keeps me awake
    With a throbbing headache
    Is it the “S” or the “C” that is silent?

  42. John shardlow says:

    When the vampire got stabbed in the eye
    He told his attackers “Nice try”
    Without wood through his heart
    He can’t fall apart
    And won’t die if the stakes are too high

  43. John shardlow says:

    While hunting with Robin and Tuck
    Will Scarlet, he ran out of luck
    Stacked cards was their game
    Did the band feel no shame
    They chorused “We don’t give a f***”!

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    I play poker, (It’s just such a vice)
    And I’ve certainly lost more than twice!
    So now it’s Roulette
    Can’t believe what I bet!
    My damn life is a roll of the dice.

  45. Tim Gray says:

    When we die we’re Heaven Sent,
    That is if everything went
    Well in your life,
    No trouble or strife,
    Otherwise you’ll be Hell Bent.

  46. Tim Gray says:

    If you persist in unruly foment
    To Coventry you will be sent,
    To silently suffer,
    (And without supper),
    But its closer than Aix or than Ghent.

  47. Ken Gosse says:

    Don’t BYOBO ~
    Descenting man’s really big biz,
    And the profits are higher for Ms.
    Deodo makes cents
    From both ladies and gents,
    ’Cause a nose prefers rose to what is.

  48. Ken Gosse says:

    A Wry Roll ~
    He gambled that he could make sense
    Of a string of unlucky events,
    But the dots on his dice
    Like the best men and mice
    Went awry.
    (Not the kind that ferments.)

  49. Ken Gosse says:

    Off the Battlefront ~
    There once was a dark, stormy knight,
    Who went to the frontier to fight,
    But the place he was sent
    Caused a sudden descent
    Where the Earth’s edge was hidden from sight.

  50. Ken Gosse says:

    The Hunger Hunts It’s Prey ~
    He gambled all day and all night
    On the scent of success, though in spite
    Of his faith that he’d win
    On the very next spin,
    Every loss fed his game’s appetite.

  51. Ken Gosse says:

    His Quick Rise and Fall ~
    He thought that if he gave the sentry
    All his ha’pence, perhaps he’d gain entry.
    She said, “Keep your cents.
    What say I in defence?
    Element’ry—you’re peon, not gentry.”

  52. Ken Gosse says:

    A Nose for Hoes ~
    The old bloodhound was back on the scent—
    Hot pursuit, because that was his bent.
    “The blood came from where?
    Oh yeah, somewhere down there.”
    All his lawyers denied where he went.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well “Hi There”! My favorite “Cookie”!
    It’s time for your private parts Lookie!
    You just smell like a rose!
    Now please hold that pose:
    I’m getting a call from my Bookie”

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think that I’m gonna collapse!
    I’m going for one of my naps!
    I lost all my stash!
    We ain’t got no cash!
    Cause my day was just one pot of craps!

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    This one’s better

    I think that I’m gonna collapse!
    I’m going for one of my naps!
    I just lost all my stash
    So we ain’t got no cash
    And I have a bad case of the Craps.

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    As the boss, I said “Let’s all chip in”
    The Lotto’s next week; we could win!
    And what a surprise:
    We all won the grand prize
    Then expounded that “Gambling’s a sin”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    To the market, I happily went
    Buying goodies, my total intent
    I was short just one penny
    Then saw my friend Lenny
    (Asked him “Buddy Can You Spare A Cent”?)

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another One (similar)

    As the Boss, I said, “Let’s all chip in”
    “The Lotto’s next week: we could win!”
    And what a surprise!
    We all won the grand prize!
    Then informed them that “Gambling’s A Sin”

  59. Tim James says:

    At the craps table, looking quite nice,
    She was playing. My friend’s wise advice:
    “Buddy, don’t try a pass;
    She’s way out of your class.”
    Still, I gave it a try ― but no dice.

  60. David Friedman says:

    Said a skunk from the forests of Ghent,
    With Chanel Number 5 as her scent,
    “As pheromones go
    I can draw buffalo,
    But that’s really not the intent.”

  61. David Friedman says:

    Every time man contributes a cent
    To any good cause or event
    Mankind will rise
    Up toward the skies
    And that’s why it’s called Man’s Ascent.

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Our good PASTOR said, “Let’s all chip in”
    “The Lotto’s next week; we could win!”
    And what a surprise
    We all won the grand prize
    Then his SERMON was “Gambling’s A Sin”

  63. David Friedman says:

    An unlucky rhino bambino
    Lost at cards in a casino.
    The floor boss said, “Man,
    It wasn’t my plan
    To ruin a rhino in Reno.”

  64. David Friedman says:

    Sherlock Holmes, peering down with back bent
    Said, “Watson, I’m hot on the scent!”
    But Watson said, “Rot!
    I rather think not.
    You just walked into wet cement!”

  65. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, she’s ruthless, but looks so demure.
    And she’s bluffing, but how to be sure?
    If I’m wrong, it’s my shirt –
    And she’ll still have her skirt –
    And no buying back in, that’s for sure.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    My buddy sure made it real clear:
    “When you’re going to Vegas this year
    If you make it real big
    Just listen and dig:
    “Take your winnings and then disappear”

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Home From Vegas

    We really won big, but it’s funny:
    Come over and look at this Honey!
    Now here’s all our loot
    But it doesn’t compute
    I think it’s Monopoly Money!

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    In Poker, we all upped the ante
    Yet money and chips were still scanty
    So Joan raised the stakes
    And she made no mistakes
    (The champ gets to take off her pantie)

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re married, but looking for “spice”
    Don’t gamble with love; here’s advice:
    No e-mails or text
    Cause we are all hexed
    By Big Brother who rolls all the dice

  70. David Friedman says:

    My bookie said, “Look, by the gods,
    How horse number 2 merely plods,
    Numbers 4 and 6 suck,
    Number 8 has no luck;
    I’m trying to say play the odds!”

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    correcting previous error in which I rhymed cards with discards

    At Poker, she wanted to win
    She sat there with quite a big grin
    In her hand was a flush
    She started to rush
    Then goes crazy. Stands up. And yells “GIN”

  72. Tim James says:

    There once was a guy named Clark Kent
    Who from some other planet was sent:
    Where the business attire
    Would appear to require
    Matching tights and a cape for a gent.

  73. Fred Bortz says:

    We Democrats always resent
    Donald’s words about Warren’s descent.
    When he cries, “Pocahontas,”
    We respond as he’d want us.
    Our outrage is his full intent.

    Alas, there’s no way to prevent
    The damage that clearly is meant.
    We cannot debate
    ‘Cause his base thrives on hate.
    His support suffers nary a dent.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m feeling a strong discontent
    This production just makes me lament
    The roar of the grease paint
    Just makes me feel so faint
    And this crowd has a really bad scent.

  75. Tim Gray says:

    So Trump gambled and won,
    But America what have you done?
    You’ve elected a fool
    Who’s idea of rule
    Is to get you all under his thumb.

  76. Tim Gray says:

    I wrote these a few days ago… I don’t know if they qualify a “Gambling”

    Friend Mohammed, here’s what well do
    Claim it was not up to you
    They’re rogue we shall say
    And they shall pay
    I think they’ll buy it, don’t you?

    Yes Don, I like what you say
    To make this mess go away.
    I’ll stick and won’t move,
    For what can they prove?
    We’ll make the announcement today.

    Mohammed, I said there’d be trouble,
    Though not the sort that makes rubble,
    More wet bus-ticket slap
    On the wrist, there’s the chap,
    We’ll have this thing fixed on the double.

  77. Tim Gray says:

    R. B. Fuller talked about Livingry
    Replacing the trading of Killingry.
    Trump seems hell bent
    To speed our descent
    As he lauds Arms Trading quite willingly.

  78. Tim Gray says:

    With the Korean wooing quite nascent
    And his trip to see Vlad near adjacent,
    He might think he’s Dandy
    But he’s no Gandhi,
    And he shouldn’t be getting complacent.

  79. Tim Gray says:

    The ne’er ending war against weeds,
    The plants that no hungry mouth feeds.
    No sooner sent
    To compost to rent,
    Spring forth the familial seeds.

  80. David Friedman says:

    It seems, when I look at this site,
    That people who limericks write
    All hate Trump’s ascent
    And harsh government,
    Proving limerick writers are bright.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    One can gamble with love and romance
    Or perhaps try their luck with finance
    But if you bet the Pres
    Will do all that he says
    You just ain’t got one fighting chance.

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    We play poker with “Doofus-Head Tex
    Who’s constantly bouncing his checks
    This guy’s such a fool
    (Thinks he’s really so cool)
    That he marks all the jokers with “X”

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now here is a really nice scent
    It makes me just feel so content:
    I mix breast milk with play dough
    It makes me smell nice so
    My dates call me “Baby Doll Bent”

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, just let me try to recap:
    We landed in Vegas, (a SNAP!)
    Got right back on the plane
    John forgot to obtain
    His “No- Fail And Lucky Jock Strap”

  85. Dave Johnson says:

    The preacher yells “You must repent!
    Damnation shall mark your descent!”
    Salvation is not
    His intention or thought;
    These “sinners” keep paying the rent…

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    The casino put on a big show;
    A rock band from so long ago.
    While taking the stage,
    We noticed their age
    Made walking and rolling real slow.

  87. Dave Johnson says:

    Say what?


    From Mad Kane: The word “casino” triggered my blog’s software to require approval, because casino is such a common spam word.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Al Pacino was blind but he meant
    To make himself very content
    So he swayed and he strut
    A mean rug he did cut
    Cause a true Femme Fatale has a scent.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:


    Al Pacino was blind but he meant
    To try hard and be real content
    So he “TANGO ED” away
    Till the break of the day
    Cause a true Femme Fatale has a scent.

  90. Tim Gray says:

    With the magician’s intent
    Our attention goes where it’s sent.
    So what’s DeVos doing?
    With what is she screwing?
    On what conjuring is Trump Hell bent?

  91. Tim Gray says:

    Another similar…

    The magician’s sole intent
    That our attention is craftily bent.
    So what else is he doing,
    That we’re not viewing,
    While our focussed attention’s absent?

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    The best Al Pacino one

    Al Pacino was blind but he meant
    To try hard and be very content
    He just “tango’d” away
    Till the break of the day
    Cause a true Femme Fatale has a scent.

  93. Tim Gray says:

    The coiffures’ daily pursuit
    Is to tidy up the hirsute
    Trimming the gent,
    Ladies, curlers and scent,
    And young ones to leave looking cute.

  94. Tim Gray says:

    The email that I just sent,
    I’m not really sure where it went.
    I have to confess
    I’ve no email address
    But used the address where I rent.

  95. Tim Gray says:

    The VP, we’ll call him Suspense,
    Would he act, or sit on the fence,
    When Trump’s finally sent
    For his impeachment?
    Would he calm, or like Trump, cause offence?

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Go Brooklyn Dodgers!

    In the “early days” all of us went
    To a hang-out that made us content
    A Coke was a nickle
    You could get a free pickle
    And bubble gum cost us a cent

  97. Lisi Nortman says:


    Just bet you a cent you can’t name
    One plan that gave “Donald” great fame
    I see that you’re stuck
    You are now out of luck
    Where’s my penny? I must stake my claim.

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    I know my dear wife is real cute
    But in poker she just can’t compute
    She started to blush
    Said she had a Royal Flush
    Cause the “guys were all wearing the same suit”

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    Above Limerick: line 5 has too many syllables (try again)

    I know my dear wife is real cute
    But in poker she just can’t compute
    She started to blush
    Said she had a Royal Flush
    Cause the “guys all had on the same suit”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    I just can no longer support’er
    I’m down to my very last quarter
    I’m in a bad spot
    Cause it seems that I’ve got:
    Obsessive Casino Disorder.

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Don’t Waste Your Money”

    My friend, do not take the wrong path
    I’m afraid you might feel sudden wrath
    The “Lotto’s” for dopes
    Who just don’t know the ropes
    (And in school, they were real bad at math)

  102. John shardlow says:

    An English man in the US

    On a fling with a waitress from Kent
    The girl, in his pride, put a dent
    Said “This sex isn’t thrilling,
    not really fulfilling”
    Him – “We Brit’s only tip 10%”

  103. Gina Buselli says:

    Flora Bea is a cabbage patch doll
    Bought 1985 in a mall
    Her doll head has a scent
    Missing eye and a dent
    Because now she’s used as a football

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    Play Rummy as best as you’re able
    But always remember this fable:
    “If opponent has aces
    The very best case is
    Just gently kick over the table”

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the race track it can’t be denied
    That sometimes you just lose your pride
    Your horse is “THE ONE”!!
    (But son of a gun)
    He took you for quite a nice ride.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend Billy said, “You are no good!”
    “You’re a gambler and out ‘n out hood”
    “C’mon and admit
    “That you really can’t quit”
    (So I bet him 10 bucks that I could)

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    My poodle is so discontent
    Her boyfriend just left her and went!
    So to make her feel better
    I shopped just to get’er
    Cologne that’s called “Doggie Butt Scent”

  108. Tim Gray says:

    So we engage in with the jollity
    As we practice our art of frivolity.
    Our sole intent
    That comment is sent
    Never minding the dubious quality.

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    We’re both so extremely content
    And our sex life is quite an “event”
    My gal smells so nice
    Just like “sugar and spice”
    She says she wears “Glamourpuss” scent

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    An oxygen mask can prevent
    Your torturous “yuk” discontent
    When your girlfriend is wearing
    That crap OH SO! glaring:
    The perfume which is called “Colon Scent”

  111. Daisy Ward says:

    The old man’s penny wasn’t a mint
    It starts to let off a bad scent
    So he threw it away
    Then it came back to play
    Penny sound music in a brown tent

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    Yes, she’s bluffing, of that I am sure,
    But to prove it, I‘ve got to endure.
    Only underpants left
    So, all in, or be reft?
    After this, win or lose, it’s the cure!

  113. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s a dead cert’!” he said of the horse,
    I believed him and backed it, of course.
    Dead was right! Lost my shirt,
    Which, I promise you, hurt,
    But not nearly as much as divorce.

  114. Tony Holmes says:

    A Gambler’s Lament?

    “I confessed when she pressed me, of course.
    ‘Yes, I have bet the house on a horse.
    We can’t lose. It’s a cert!
    Came in last. Boy, that hurt!
    But not nearly as much as divorce

  115. There once was a fine dining gent
    who loved everything a chef sent
    but after more wine
    would later opine
    “I’ve had better food from carny tents!”

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Grappa: Italian grape brandy)

    I heard “gambling tales” from my Pappa
    I’d sit in his lap; he’d drink Grappa
    He’d say, “Back in the day”
    For “big stakes” he would play
    And claimed he was “Phi Beta Crappa”

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “hubby” won big at Roulette
    And was given a new red Corvette!
    We drove to the beach
    Then he called me his “peach”
    (It’s a dream I will never forget)

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Was this fella’ just joking or real?
    (He certainly had no appeal)
    Then he bet me a dime
    I would find him “sublime”
    So I told him he had a “done deal”

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    On Christmas gifts Joan and I spent
    Too much money (could not pay the rent.)
    But it wasn’t too late,
    So at quarter to eight
    We retrieved them from where they were sent.

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad; : above limerick line 2 should not read too much money now can’t pay the rent. It should be : Too much money (could not pay the rent)
    Can you please change that for me?


  121. John Shardlow says:

    A fool and his money are soon parted
    Some ventures you wish you’d not started
    Tried double or quits
    My horse got the shits
    Was left at the post and just farted

  122. Tony Holmes says:

    A Gambler’s Lament?

    “I confessed when she pressed me, of course.
    ‘Yes, I have bet the house on a horse.
    We can’t lose. It’s a cert!’
    Came in last. Boy, that hurt –
    Very nearly as much as divorce.”

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    I bet on a horse ten-to-one
    Then it seemed like my luck was “all done”
    Cause it came in at 3:00
    And my friends all agree
    That this lazy mare WE could outrun!

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    (A sure-fire bet)

    If you want to get nothing, here’s how
    Just follow these rules and then POW!
    Start out with a lot
    Put it all in the pot
    Then say, “Bye bye, sweet money, sus ciao”

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! messed up line 5!

    If you want to get nothing, here’s how
    Just follow these rules and then POW!
    Start out with a lot
    Put it all in the pot
    Then say, “Bye bye sweet money, it’s ciao”

  126. Lisi Nortman says:


    If you want to get nothing, here’s how
    Just follow these rules and then POW!
    Take all that you’ve got
    Throw it into the pot
    And say, “Bye bye, sweet money (it’s ciao”)

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Is gambling a real true addiction?
    Or is that nonsensical fiction?
    Though if you play craps
    And then start to collapse
    It seems like you’ve got an affliction

  128. John Shardlow says:

    I’m sorry, there’s no offence meant
    But when you got chucked out of the tent
    No underarm spray
    Could hide your ‘bouquet’
    The polecat has a much better scent

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Atlantic City”

    My wife (dear Maria) and me
    Just lost all our dough in A.C.
    But we still have our pride
    And so now we reside
    At “Chateau De La Boardwalk” (It’s free)

  130. Michael P. Moulton says:

    A man on a peak in a tent
    Ate beans and at first was content
    But he fouled all the air,
    Which was thin way up there,
    And left him craving a rapid de-scent.

  131. Gina Buselli says:

    In the truck to pick cherries she went
    With her son and his football bud Kent
    Just like all the jocks
    They took off their socks
    And mama nearly died from the scent

  132. Gina Buselli says:

    There once lived an old woman from Ghent
    Who cracked her gum and came to repent
    She was told, “Don’t you chew
    or place gum on one’s shoe.”
    Down the seat, that darn cracked gum she sent!

  133. Gina Buselli says:

    Went to Las Vegas and played the craps
    Next to hot chicks in cellophane wraps
    I became way too lit
    It was time to just quit
    When my head fell between their thigh gaps

  134. Tim James says:

    His casinos went bankrupt. This lout
    Is a screw-up, without any doubt.
    He’s incompetent, vain.
    It’s increasingly plain
    That we, as a nation, crapped out.

  135. Margie Nairn says:

    In a recent letter I sent,
    to a particularly prickly gent,
    I suggested we meet
    for a Halloween treat,
    but he misunderstood what I meant!

  136. Margie Nairn says:

    My father would stop off for gambling,
    on his way home from work he was rambling.
    His money was spent
    down to every last cent,
    and for rent we would always be scrambling.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    In Vegas, I really went nuts!
    Lost money, (just ripped out my guts!)
    But then my pal said,
    “Hey! Don’t worry, Fred
    Over there are some great nickle sluts”

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    In Vegas, we had a dispute
    The boss, I was ready to shoot!
    The slot showed 3 cherries
    I wanted THEM BERRIES!
    Then out came some actual fruit.

  139. Jim Kimes says:

    While two bloodhounds pursued a scent,
    They discussed how their lives were spent:
    “We’re no Westminster wuss;
    Crackin’ cases are us,
    And we duti’fly pay our rent.”

  140. Byron Miller says:

    A man who had anger to vent,
    Caused a number of bombs to be sent
    To his foes on the left
    But today he’s bereft,
    Because Trump still will NOT pay his rent.

  141. Brian Allgar says:

    “I’ll bet you mine’s bigger than yours!”
    Said the man with the pussy-grab paws.
    His was laughably small,
    But he won after all –
    “Biggest dick in the world!” Loud applause.

  142. Brian Allgar says:

    The victim began to ferment,
    And exuded a horrible scent.
    Said Capone, “A disaster!
    You guys have used plaster –
    I told you, it MUST be cement!”

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can’t stand my really big hips!
    And none of your godawful quips!
    I’m very dismayed
    Cause each week I played
    Texas Poker with M&M chips.

  144. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s an archer who’s charismatic;
    His precision is automatic.
    Everyplace that he went,
    People said was the scent
    Of cologne that was arrow-matic.

  145. Kirk Miller says:

    For people like me, there’s no doubt
    The gambling wheel carries much clout.
    When I play, if I lose
    Lots of cash, I may choose
    To gamble more. Don’t roulette out.

  146. Sharon Neeman says:

    MBS’s accounts all ring hollow,
    And each version is harder to swallow.
    Though I don’t often wager
    On anything major,
    I’ll bet there’s more bullshit to follow.

  147. Sharon Neeman says:

    Politicians should really remember
    To buy Christmas gifts by September,
    Ere their very last cent
    In October is spent
    On preserving their seats come November.

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    My generous husband, “Dear” Trent
    Gave me pearls; it was quite an “event!”
    I saw the receipt
    Gee, that man is so sweet
    He spent his whole income: one cent.

  149. Margie Nairn says:

    There was a pig farmer from Kent
    who had troubles wherever he went.
    He as handsome and charming
    but smelled so alarming,
    that no one could handle his scent!

  150. Margie Nairn says:

    Life’s stressful and risky to boot.
    That fact few would likely dispute.
    Other options are worse,
    (could end up in a hearse!)
    so I’m stuck with this giant crap shoot!

  151. The politics of the right are content
    To return us to caves or a tent.
    One hopes that the goal
    Of the upcoming poll
    Is that they don’t just go but are sent.

  152. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 309. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Placed.