Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOOT at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BOOT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to HYPOCRISY, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best HYPOCRISY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 24, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 23, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

My computer refuses to boot.
This is brutal! And backup? Oh shoot!
My backup drive crashed.
I’m in hell! All’s been trashed!
Might as well go get smashed on some Brut.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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143 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOOT at the end of any one line”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    The bad guys yelled “give us the loot!”
    “Hand it over right now or we’ll shoot.”
    But their quick getaway
    Very soon went astray
    ‘Cause their getaway car got the boot.

  2. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Since the swamp in the White House was made,
    Rednecks cheered till their masters betrayed
    With all their hypocrisy
    Killing democracy –
    It’s a plutocracy raid!

  3. Suzanne Heymann says:

    “Why is Italy shaped like a boot?”
    Asked the workers who travelled en route.
    They can’t fit all of you
    In a little wee shoe
    And you wouldn’t get through your commute.

  4. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When he groped her, that big dumb galoot
    Got a kick in his low-hanging fruit
    With such pain, he could feel
    That the toe and the heel
    Were the things made of steel in her boot.

  5. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The power of big shots was moot
    When the victims cried out in dispute.
    Did the perverts get fined?
    I know some had resigned
    While some more of their kind got the boot.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those half-sized cars are cute
    Their horns sound just like a flute
    But to brush snow off your car
    You still can’t get far
    Unless you’re wearing one boot

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    John is a big galoot
    Each time he cheats, we have a dispute
    When I caught him with my sister,
    I said, “Get Out Mister”
    (That’s when I gave him the boot)

  8. Lisi Nortman says:


    In my never-ending pursuit
    To find “just” the right boot
    I searched the “Net”
    Found one in Tibet
    Boy, that was some commute!

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Did you ever just love a boot,
    That you thought was amazingly cute?
    But then it snowed
    And you thought you’d explode
    Till you found you galoshes that were caught in the chute

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    When our toddlers were so very cute
    We’d buy them a red snow suit
    But we moms freaked out
    As we looked all about
    ‘Cause we could never find that other damned boot!

  11. brian allgar says:

    Although he’s a nut and a fruit,
    There are times when I pity the brute.
    Poor President Trump
    Has a pain in his rump
    Where his master has Putin the boot.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    My daughter is very cute
    And this may seem a bit minute
    But when she got dressed
    (She did her best)
    The foot was on the other boot

  13. Mark Kane says:

    She trained and now owns this old coot,
    Who comes every week, with much loot.
    While kneeling and wanking,
    He’ll beg for his spanking,
    Then lick when she offers her boot.

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    My daughter is amazingly cute
    But got pregnant by a man who’s a brute
    He’s out of a job
    He’s a complete slob
    And just got out of prison, to boot

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    Santa made his annual route
    Wearing his traditional red suit
    But when he got to Kent
    He got stuck in the vent
    ‘Cause something got stuck in his boot

  16. Judith H Block says:

    The pain in my back is acute,
    Have a pain in my leg now, to boot.
    I don’t walk now, I limp,
    I’m not being a wimp.
    In misery, I scream, “Oh, shoot!”

  17. Judith H Block says:

    A guy thought he was being cute,
    That she strongly objected was moot.
    ‘Twas his “second brain”
    All curled up in pain
    Where he felt the tip of her boot.

  18. brian allgar says:

    Health or wealth? Dr Carson has both,
    And his bank account shows healthy growth.
    Why are homeless folk crying
    And sick people dying?
    The Doc’s hypocritical oath.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    Should we give Mr. Trump the boot?
    Some actually think he’s cute
    With that orange hair
    Which creates quite a glare
    He’s still a broken- down coot

  20. brian allgar says:

    Said the bimbo, “For treating the root,
    Why’m I naked except for one boot?”
    “A patient quite nude
    Would be really too rude”,
    Said her dentist, preparing to shoot.

  21. brian allgar says:

    A riddle: Who am I?

    With no wig, I’d be bald as a coot;
    I am stupid, and vicious to boot.
    Though I don’t have a soul,
    I have one sacred goal:
    To defile, to destroy, to pollute.

  22. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A horny and wealthy old coot
    Tried to wow all the girls with his loot.
    But one gal said “don’t try
    ‘Cause your crap I won’t buy,
    So get lost or I’ll give ya the boot!”

  23. Kirk Miller says:

    An executive took lots of loot
    From the skydiving firm, got the boot.
    And although he resigned,
    Later on, we did find
    He was given a gold parachute.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Politicians are getting the boot
    For fondling gals who are cute
    As time marches on
    They will all be gone
    Oh no! We’ll be stuck with Newt

  25. Tim James says:

    We all know this adulterer, Newt,
    Who gave multiple spouses the boot.
    Now his third wife’s our rep
    At the Vatican. Yep,
    That’s hypocrisy. (Trump says it’s moot.)

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jimmy “The Shark” went to Beirut
    Robbed a bank; stuffed the loot in a boot
    He tripped and fell
    And ran like hell
    Wound up in a stockpile of Lebanese fruit

  27. Judith H Block says:

    Oh, hypocrite, we know your name,
    You’ve sparked racist hatreds aflame.
    You’re one big falsehood,
    Your greed, understood.
    All you know is one big con game.

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    Every Sunday he goes to Mass
    His friends think he’s really first-class
    Then he comes home and steals
    Which clearly reveals
    He is just a hypocritical ass

  29. Tim James says:

    Those Canadians sure are a hoot.
    What’s this “curling”? It sounds kind of cute.
    And they seem rather keen
    On this stuff called “poutine.”
    What the heck are they talking aboot?

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    I wanted this gorgeous boot
    But, really, I had no loot
    I recognized the owner
    From Motel Boner
    “That’ll be free” he said (what a hoot)

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    I gave my hubby the boot
    He was just a big galoot
    He was not very nice
    Never took my advice
    And with each step there was a “toot”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    A FAMOUS LATIN PHRASE: “De gustibus non est disputandum”which means:
    With taste there is no dispute
    But Janie bought this boot:
    With four inch spikes
    And zig zag stripes
    This girl is quite a fruit

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sean and Tucker think they’re high-brow
    Laura, too, is just holier than thou
    I caught them with Chuck and Nancy
    Having lunch at the famous Le Fancy
    So who are the hypocrites now?

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: Is it HYPOCRITES? If so can you change it?
    Thank you (previous limerick)



  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a lady named Donna Brazile
    Who used to work up on the “hill”
    Now she’s written a book
    And carefully undertook
    Telling tales that she loves to spill


  36. John J Ordover says:

    A man who was wearing one boot
    Came into my store to buy fruit
    I’m a butcher, I said,
    I sell meat that is dead
    So all I can offer is suet.

  37. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man in a very smart suit
    Just had to dispose of his”loot”
    So he opened the trunk
    To display all his junk
    (As we say here}a sale from car boot.

  38. Rick says:

    I have client who ask’d me
    I remember my computer to boot
    When the software won’t scoot
    And t’aint nothin to lose
    But to reach for the power to GOOSE

    She says she knows when it’s time to choose a warm or a cold boot.
    Without hesitation, with no reservation
    She’s clear, no confusion up here BUT

    ONE THING, she’s confused by
    And is unclear to choose why
    When she must select a wet boot instead
    So that’s where the dread collect
    And she’s needing the truth to choose

    The wet boot my friend comes right at the end
    When the poodle falls into some puddle or other UN- Do’t
    With a Wet B-B-Boot!

  39. Diane Groothuis says:

    A powerful King named Canute
    In the river did put his large boot
    But the tide from the Crouch
    Just made him say “ouch”
    As the water rose up pas hi “lute”.

  40. I’ve decided to give him the boot
    All the lost time, I cannot recoop
    I tossed out his clothes
    And called all of his hoes
    And told them he’s waiting on the stoop

  41. brian allgar says:

    She was wearing one shoe and one boot;
    The effect, though surprising, was cute.
    She explained, “One is slinky,
    But some johns like kinky,
    So one of them’s certain to suit.”

  42. brian allgar says:

    Said Donald, “I’m no Nazi brute!
    Police state? Dictatorship? Shoot!
    Compare me with Hitler?
    That loser was littler!”
    (But why does he wear a jackboot?)

  43. Byron Miller/aka Errol Nimbly says:

    The Highwayman shouldered his loot,
    His sword pressed to my sternum to boot.
    “Am I soon to be dead?”
    “I am thinking,” he said.
    “For the moment, your question is moot.”

  44. Kay Davies says:

    You horrible lazy old coot
    Get out of here now, just you scoot
    I’ll give you the boot
    Instead of the loot
    You’re cheating: that’s not the right suit!

  45. Kay Davies says:

    A wife gave her husband the boot
    For failing to bring home the loot
    His lottery ticket
    ‘Got stuck in the wicket’
    He said, but that didn’t compute

  46. Suzanne Heymann says:

    In response to Tim James:

    Timsy, don’t you be such a galoot
    Our sports and poutine are a hoot.
    And “aboot” we will boast
    Is found on the East Coast
    So your theory’s toast, then. to boot.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Donald says he’s virtually a saint
    With capabilities of great restraint
    But 3 more ladies came out
    And were happy to shout:
    “Tell the world, angelic, he ain’t”


  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Santa was on his annual route
    When something got caught in his boot
    He looked down to check
    And hurt his neck
    His arthritis was very acute

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Stuart Weitzman’s are OH! so cute
    And they cost me plenty of loot
    But I fell in the mud
    They got full of crud
    Now I’ll have to go back and re-boot!

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    We were on our regular route
    When we stopped to buy mom some fruit
    She chopped it up fine
    Then added some wine
    We were stuffed and hooched- up, to boot

  51. Lisi Nortman says:


    I’m Jewish and filled with glee
    Eight gifts, just for me
    Next week I’ll be Christian
    I’m excited about this one
    Awesome presents under the tree

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad Please eight presents to eight GIFTS in previous limerick
    Thank you

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    You go out and buy ONE boot
    Then you give the clerk some loot
    It’s just for one time
    Cause you need a rhyme
    And the salesman thinks you’re a fruit

  54. Kirk Miller says:

    Me sell shoes? No, it’s not my strong suit.
    Though I tried, I just wasn’t astute.
    What I did was wrong,
    So before too long
    Boss decided to give me the boot.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:


    He “davens” religiously every day
    You may have seen this back and forth sway
    Then he goes to New York
    And orders roast pork
    When the cat’s away, the mouse will play

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    He sang a nice song ’bout a boot
    With his daughter who was very cute.
    His first wife was named Nancy,
    She wasn’t too fancy.
    And MORONE! did he have lots of loot!

    (who is he?)

  57. Sharon Neeman says:

    Moore’s a boor, and a pedo to boot;
    He’s a slimeball, a piece of… well… shoot;
    Now let’s all give a cheer —
    He’s thrown out on his ear —
    And let’s all give Doug Jones our salute!

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    What movie is this?

    You have tried to dance with your boot
    Still, you feel like a big galoot
    But if you swing and sway
    The Gene Kelly way
    You may just fulfill your pursuit

  59. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    In making the ‘Bama commute
    My doubts I must say were acute.
    But there was consolation
    At my polling location
    Yosemite Roy got the boot.

  60. brian allgar says:

    “Does this trouser-suit make me look fat?”
    “Well, to tell you the truth –” No! Not that!
    If I value my life,
    I must lie to my wife;
    It’s better than being knocked flat.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:


    It’s usually kind of cute
    And its horn goes toot toot toot
    It’s not in the USA
    But much further away
    And it’s always equipped with a boot

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Are you looking for a weather-proof boot?
    Why spend all that loot!
    Find some old rags;
    Two plastic bags
    And you’ve accomplished your “winter” pursuit!

  63. Lisi Nortman says:


    Chanukah is when
    We spin the dreidel and then
    We make our lists
    For eight cool gifts
    When does it begin again?

  64. brian allgar says:

    Roy Moore has been given the boot!
    “Grabber” Donald supported the brute.
    No surprise – dark or blonde,
    Sexual predators bond,
    And those thirteen-year-olds are so cute.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Honey is just so cute
    We’ve never had a dispute
    I’m so glad he’s back
    We ‘gonna hit the sack
    (He’s a recruit who’s back home from boot)

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    what movie is this? (hypocrisy)

    As an actor he had a great start
    But he did something that wasn’t so smart
    He deceived his wife
    And changed her life
    Because the devil gave him the part

  67. Lisi Nortman says:


    He deceived his wife
    and RUINED her life

    Thank You

  68. Adrian Turner says:

    Whilst smoking I dropped my cheroot
    It fell into my welly boot
    I said with a cough
    “I can`t get it off
    and blimey the pain is acute!”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:


    I never gossip; I keep my mouth shut
    I have this feeling down in my gut
    It just isn’t right
    Or even polite
    But did you know that Janie’s a slut?

  70. Kay Davies says:

    Madeleine– this isn’t mine own. My niece, who wishes to remain anonymous, wrote it in response to your hypocrisy prompt.

    Performing incredible stunts
    Displaying on multiple fronts
    The hypocrite sees
    Three-sixty degrees
    With all of his faces at once

  71. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Between Doug Jones and Roy Moore…

    Oh, the race ‘tween the two was so tight
    That my gut churned all day and all night
    And the pain was acute
    That I barfed in my boot
    Till I heard Roy the brute lost the fight!

  72. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To the girl, he said, “I’m from Cordova,
    Alabama. I’m YOUR Casanova!
    I’m a handsome old brute
    I’ve a nice car, to boot.”
    She yelled, “Scram! Or I’ll shoot, by Jehovah!”

  73. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Another alternative for Line 5…

    To the girl, he said, “I’m from Cordova,
    Alabama. I’m YOUR Casanova!
    I’m a handsome old brute
    I’ve a nice car, to boot.”
    She yelled, “Scram! And don’t come near my ova!”

  74. Sharon Neeman says:


    You tell me of “voter’s remorse,”
    But you’re secretly happy, of course.
    Your pretense isn’t cute,
    And I’d cheerfully boot
    You to Hell! (But I’d rescue your horse.)

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    On Chanukah we toil
    To make our home look “royal”
    We still love the Christians
    (all of their traditions)
    And we bless each boy and GOYAL


  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    (better meter for “hypocrisy)

    I don’t gossip; I keep my mouth shut
    I feel this way deep in my gut
    It just is not right
    Or even polite
    Did you hear that Renee is a slut?

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE (hypocrisy)

    On Chanukah we toil
    To make our house look “royal”
    We still love the Christians
    And all their traditions
    We bless each boy and GOYAL

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Everyone has a smart phone
    They bump into people who groan
    They have such appeal
    What’s the big deal?
    (Although I loved looking at “new baby” Joan)

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ladies are currently dreading
    With The Donald they might be bedding
    He claims he’s sincere
    But did you hear
    That he went to the Clinton’s wedding?

  80. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    He cried, thinking how a small boot
    Had led to a costly law suit
    All because he, dumb swine
    Had the nerve to malign
    The designer and start a dispute.

  81. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    “I need loving,” she said, “you should suit,
    And if not then I’ll give you the boot;”
    But his loving so thrilled her
    O Reader, it killed her!
    The evidence none could refute.

  82. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    “Your disease, I’m afraid, is acute
    Said the doc, “and all treatment is moot;
    Here’s my bill, pay it fast
    For odds are you won’t last
    Long enough to lace up that tall boot.”

  83. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    A romantic night, two lovers — mute
    Longing looks from the boy, shy and cute
    But as soon as he spoke
    Ah, love’s magic spell broke!
    All he wanted, alas, was her boot.

  84. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    For six weeks now I’ve worn this large boot
    On a foot I broke trying to shoot
    Baskets with my young niece;
    Will this pain never cease?
    How it hurts to find I’m an old coot!

  85. Jesse Levy says:

    I tried to buy a new boot
    But it wouldn’t fit on my foot
    I told the salesman
    “Let’s make a new plan
    ’cause the old one is not very goot.”

  86. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A cut root put in water will shoot.
    (This will work for both veggies and fruit)
    It’s a handy life hack
    Give it time, it grows back!
    You’re saving some money to boot.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    Papa made a lot of loot
    In his tireless pursuit
    He sold some whiskey
    Even though it was risky
    Mama warned him not to boot!

  88. Jame Fàke says:

    Salary so high, cash is moot
    This I.T. career is a hoot
    Late night, waiting for POST
    Taking so long on this ghost
    God! please make this computer re-boot

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you happened to be mute
    Find a guy who is very cute
    Who is sensitive to you needs
    And hope he succeeds
    In buying you another damn boot

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Now here is a stunning boot
    I know that you’ll think it is cute
    You can wear it with hose
    And your disfigured toes
    Unless they are really caput”

  91. Sharon Neeman says:

    By the time you’ve put on her warm suit
    And one… then the other… snow boot,
    She’ll have gotten grape jelly
    All over her belly
    (And yours) — but who cares? She’s so cute!

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    You could watch an interesting panel
    Discuss the twentieth-century annal
    Or you could listen to views
    Which are on Fox News
    Also known as The Hypocrite Channel

  93. Sharon Neeman says:

    Imelda, they say, hid her loot
    In the long narrow shaft of a boot;
    But when Marcos was sacked —
    Damn! The wrong pair got packed!
    Perhaps tragic, but hardly astute.

  94. Suzanne Heymann says:

    We’re supposed to be in a democracy
    But it looks like we’ve got a cacocracy.
    They’ve omitted from schools
    Of how not to be fools
    While a dictator rules with hypocrisy.

  95. Kirk Miller says:

    One thing about being political:
    You don’t have to be analytical
    To see politicians
    Portray all positions,
    Delivering words hypocritical.

  96. Phil Huffy says:

    A hiker just ending his day
    hung his gear on a tree ‘long the way
    where a bear’s bold pursuit
    of a low hanging boot
    allowed him to steal it away

  97. Lisi Nortman says:


    The girl was unfortunately mute
    And she was sitting on my costly flute
    So to get her attention
    And full comprehension
    I gave her a smack in the boot

  98. Lisi Nortman says:


    The girl was unfortunately mute
    And she was sitting on my costly flute
    So to get her attention
    And full comprehension
    I smacked her in the ass with my boot

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you go to the zoo in Beirut
    You must be keenly astute
    The place is a mess
    But you’ll have success
    If you wear a shit kickin’ boot

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    This is a better limerick, because a previous one had too many syllables

    Sean and Tucker think they’re high brow
    Laura, too is “holier than thou”
    But I saw them at ” Le Fancy”
    Having lunch with Chuck and Nancy
    So who are the hypocrites now?

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    He sang a nice song ’bout a boot
    With his daughter who was very cute
    His first wife was Nancy
    Who wasn’t quite fancy
    And MORONE! he had loads of loot!

    who is he?

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad previous limerick should it be with his daughter who was SO very cute ? I think so

  103. Lisi Nortman says:


    When she isn’t brilliantly performing
    She preaches Global Warming
    But her well-watered grounds
    Cause occasional frowns
    Should she really be “informing?”

  104. Fred Bortz says:

    The British thieves gathered their loot.
    To their getaway car they did scoot.
    But their driver, a Yank,
    Couldn’t move from the bank
    Once he stuffed all the bills “in the boot.”

  105. John Armstrong says:

    It’s time to give Congress the boot
    As they abscond with all of our loot
    T-rump’s tax plan
    Belongs in the can
    To be flushed along with a toot

  106. John Armstrong says:

    The lady was very hirsute
    With long braids that looked so darn cute
    They whipped out all over
    As she rolled in the clover
    Flogging her lover to boot

  107. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Some thieves go in shoe stores to steal
    I don’t know why they do it with zeal.
    They’re so stupid to loot
    Just a shoe or a boot
    As no pairs on display will reveal.

  108. John Armstrong says:

    Hickory dickory dockoracy
    Or using the suffix -ocracy
    We’re I to say
    There is no way
    To exhibit and rhyme with hypocrisy

  109. David Reddekopp says:

    His opponents were all in pursuit
    He could pass, but more often he’d shoot
    He was always abhorred
    For how often he scored
    He was finally given the Boot.

    The Golden Boot is an award in several soccer leagues around the world, given to the player who scores the most goals.

  110. David Reddekopp says:

    A fellow, out fishing one night
    Was hoping his bait got a bite
    But his catch (to be cute)
    Was a soggy old boot
    And the kicker? It didn’t taste right.

  111. David Reddekopp says:

    An acrostic:

    Politicians will promise the skies
    However, it’s all built on lies
    Our brand of democracy
    Needs its hypocrisy
    You shouldn’t react with surprise.

  112. David Reddekopp says:

    Two men had a fight in Beirut
    Each lost body parts in the dispute
    One, whose hand was a hook
    Shot the other a look
    That caused him to quake in his boot.

  113. Adrian Turner says:

    My friend is a big hypocrite
    he said that the spice girls were shit
    but his girlfriend told me
    that he listens with glee
    it`s something he just won`t admit

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who is this hypocrite?

    Ford could be a car
    But when one speaks of a “star”
    Who owns seven planes
    About ecology he complains
    I think that’s rather bizarre

  115. Fred Bortz says:

    A two-fer?

    If you join for big game that they shoot,
    The gun club will give you the boot
    If your pachyderm prey
    Lolls in mud every day.
    Hippo-critical without dispute!

  116. Tam Adeline says:

    My little Smart Car is so cute
    From bonnet to buckets to boot
    But problems arise
    Because of my size
    I can’t fit inside worth a hoot

  117. Lisi Nortman says:


    Ford could be a well-known car
    But in this case: a famous star
    Who owns seven planes
    About ecology he complains
    Don’t you think that’s rather bizzare?

    who is he?

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    The commander in the cockpit
    Was a dreadful and fierce hypocrite
    Instead of landing in Philly
    We deplaned in Chile
    So he could obtain his flying permit

  119. Dave Johnson says:

    She married a wealthy, old coot;
    Who’s gruff as the sole of a boot.
    Asked why, she’d contend:
    “I’m just helping him spend
    Some quality time with his loot.”

  120. Dave Johnson says:

    The minister started to yell;
    “You sinners are going to Hell!”
    That night at the ranch,
    To a madame named Blanche,
    He asked “Where is that sweet Annabelle?”

  121. Phil Huffy says:

    Unimpressed by some half-hearted quakes
    her boyfriend suspects that she fakes
    being fairly astute
    and determined, to boot
    he’ll be doing whatever it takes

  122. Ailsa McKillop says:

    My satnav’s kept safe in the boot
    Till taken therefrom to compute
    And a journey to tame.
    Oh, its brand? It’s the name
    Of America’s iconic route.

    My “Route 66” knows all trails—
    So I travel by road, not on rails!
    But would folk look twice
    If such a device
    Had a road-name from England (or Wales)?

    It evokes, my small screen on the dash,
    American “cool” and panache
    To which Brits aspire!
    (Or leastways admire).
    Would “A39” sound so flash?

    (The A39 is a scenic route in England, a mere 68 miles long, between Barnstaple in Devon along the north Cornwall coast to Newquay.)

  123. Mike Shulman says:

    A wicked and goatish old coot,
    Although brazen and horny to boot,
    Had along with his gumption
    Erectile dysfunction
    Which rendered his naughtiness moot.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Honey is very cute
    But he has only one pursuit
    Every night : “to get some”
    And it’s getting kind of humdrum
    So I clamped his shlong in a Denver boot

  125. Lisi Nortman says:


    What happened to the investigation
    Of the Hilary situation?
    The pundits purposely ignore
    The events which happened before
    We got a new administration

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not a duplicate

    My Honey is amazingly cute
    But he has only one pursuit:
    Every night he wants to “get some”
    And it’s getting kind of humdrum
    So I clamped his shlong in a Denver boot

  127. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The toddler gave off a loud toot
    People laughed ’cause they thought it was cute
    But his mum’s not too thrilled
    ‘Cause that liquid toot spilled –
    It went down one leg, into a boot.

  128. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As charming as dirty black coal
    Where there should be a heart is a hole.
    Even in a nice suit,
    He looks like an old boot.
    That heel HAS absolutely no sole!

  129. P Diane Schneider says:

    I will say this about lust
    A woman scorned won’t turn to dust
    Love a man in a suit?
    Wearing Stetson and boot?
    Another one just bit the dust!

  130. P Diane Schneider says:

    The dude put on his zoot suit
    Then up and gave me the boot
    Clown did me a favor
    There’s new ones to savor
    Good riddance to the old coot!

  131. P Diane Schneider says:

    Whilst I was out on a toot
    I turned up missing a boot
    As well as some, (well,
    I don’t want to tell)
    But woot! That sure was a hoot!

  132. P Diane Schneider says:

    The dirty bum stole all my loot
    Made off with my heartstrings to boot
    But I daren’t cry
    I’ll just have to try
    To proffer the proper lawsuit

  133. Sue Dulley says:

    What footwear? The shoe or the boot
    When snow does the sidewalk pollute?
    Over socks made from wool
    Sorels still don’t look cool,
    But toasty feels better than cute.

  134. Sue Dulley says:

    In Britain the trunk is the boot,
    The hood is the bonnet (how cute),
    They burn petrol, not gas,
    Overtake, never ‘pass’
    While the horn (still a horn) goes ‘toot-toot’.

    They sit in the rightmost front seat
    To cruise the left side of the street.
    When they drive a new route
    First their ‘satnav’ they boot,
    Then shift gears using clutches and feet.

  135. Sue Dulley says:

    I bundled her into her suit,
    And strapped on each waterproof boot
    To walk to the store
    But on locking the door,
    “I need to go pee, Grandma” – shoot!

  136. Sue Dulley says:

    Like ‘trout’ we do not pronounce ‘route’
    But don’t quite say ‘oot and aboot’ –
    It’s more like ‘aboat’
    As in “I’m going oat
    To look for a wily ky-oot”.

  137. Tim James says:

    The new intern was really quite cute,
    And the boss copped a feel, the old brute.
    Then a well-aimed right boot
    Put a dent in his glute.
    And the shiner she gave him? A beaut.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:


    Don’t do as I say; do things your way
    Take my advice starting today
    You’ll have more friends
    Who follow cool trends
    Or you’ll end up in prison far far away

  139. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Her instrument (woodwind) was cute
    Made from scraps of an old, cowhide boot.
    His excitement conveyed
    That he thought he’d get laid
    When she told him she played the skin flute.

  140. Suzanne Heymann says:

    While men’s haircuts are cheaper, I rage
    That the boys get a much higher wage
    For the same job gals do
    We know THAT’s nothing new
    And no matter the skill or the age.

    “Half-price sales/just for males” are some lines
    Of misogynist-based, sexist signs.
    All perplexed and quite vexed
    Angry ladies have hexed
    Nooses ’round the men’s necks. How divine!

    Some men FAKE being on women’s side
    As they subtly indulge in their pride
    Whether tiny or tall
    Let the hypocrites fall!
    (Okay, maybe not all; I’ll decide!)

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    For two weeks now I’ve been wearing one boot
    Most people say that I look like a fruit
    But it’s the word I need
    So that I can succeed
    In fulfilling my mashugana pursuit

  142. Narasimha S. Prasad says:

    Kane’s limerick gave me a gentle boot
    To rejuvenate it with a strong root.
    Suggestion is, to see
    Under that mystic tree!
    Repair or replace with seasonal hoot.

  143. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 288.

    Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Fine.