Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Made/Maid at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Made or Maid at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Intelligence, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Intelligence-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 14, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 13, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Berating his maid, the man brayed:
“Just why is my bed still unmade?
Your house-cleaning sucks,
And I pay you big bucks.
Lucky thing I already got laid!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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87 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Made/Maid at the end of any one line”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A young fellow thought he had it made.
    At long last, he was gonna get laid.
    But his plans were soon thwarted
    And his mission aborted
    When she said that she had to be paid.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    She’s a highly intelligent lass,
    Right up there at the head of the class.
    But the guys aren’t impressed.
    They prefer her undressed.
    All they want is a good piece of ass.

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    Does intelligence live in D.C.?
    Well, no, not according to me.
    The Prez is a putz
    And it’s driving me nuts
    That he gets all his “facts” from TV!

  4. David Reddekopp says:

    The election Trump’s already won
    Oh, America, what have you done?
    For mistakes he has made
    All the blame will be laid
    On intelligence, since he has none.

  5. David Reddekopp says:

    Remember this wisdom, my friend:
    Though we know that a belch may offend
    And it isn’t that smart
    Still, it would be a fart
    If it came out the opposite end.

  6. Judith H. Block says:

    Of course, a limerick is made:
    T’was a servant, and how she got laid
    By the man of the house,
    A bully, cheating louse,
    And how blackmail money was paid.

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    In elections, great pledges are made.
    Soon after, the people are betrayed.
    It’s almost assumed,
    Our hopes, always doomed,
    The corporate supporters get paid.

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    There once was a smart, sultry maid,
    Who made sure that her rich boss got laid.
    She gave sweet, extra perks,
    He paid well for her works,
    Her great skills were all tongue and handmade.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    A sweet lass thought she had it made,
    Found a soul mate, alas he betrayed.
    Thought her intellect charmed,
    And her kindness, disarmed;
    All the guy wanted was to get laid.

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    There once was a comely young maid,
    Whose charms were quite plainly displayed.
    But her boss couldn’t score
    When he asked her for more,
    She replied, “That’s beyond my pay grade.”.

  11. Jesse Levy says:

    Gimme a damned lemonade!
    Said the man, with rudeness displayed.
    The waitress, smart lass,
    Put his glass near her ass.
    You can guess how his order got made.

  12. Brian Allgar says:


    “I’m so smart,” the new President brayed,
    “That in all of the deals that I made
    I shafted my buyers,
    My staff and suppliers –
    I got rich, but the other guys paid.”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    Mad, is it just me, or is there a glitch? When I try to link to the current Facebook page, I get the current award-winners’ page, not the new limerick page.

    From MBK:

    Thanks for alerting me to my error, Brian. I inadvertently pointed to the wrong Facebook post. I’ve fixed the links in this post, now, so that they’re pointing to the correct Facebook contest link.

  14. Marty Gerendasy says:

    He said “bring me a cold lemonade,
    And a scone with some orange marmalade.”
    Then she gave him a look
    That was one for the book,
    And said “you get it. I’m not your maid!”

  15. Ryan Tilley says:


    As the festival’s plans were delayed
    And the vendors had fought to be paid
    Since the party collapsed
    Like a drunk who relapsed,
    The repayments will have to be made!

  16. Mary Mcgarvey says:

    Into the cold ocean he’d wade.
    For swimming he was not made.
    He was always too thin.
    Sharks want more than just skin.
    Pro bono -no, they had to be paid.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    An immaculate explanation

    Though pregnant, she tried to persuade
    Her husband she’d never been laid.
    Many people believed
    That a virgin conceived,
    And thus a religion was made.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    (An old one revised)

    His ‘rocket’ was proudly displayed,
    And he’d managed at last to persuade
    The young lady to swallow,
    But sadly, ‘Apollo’
    Collapsed, and the shot wasn’t made.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    For the party, I needed some aid,
    So I hired a pretty young maid
    To prepare food and drink.
    Well, what do you think?
    Not only the table was laid.

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    When God first created a man,
    Intelligence wasn’t his plan,
    But he added a brain,
    Although some might complain
    He forgot one for poor Kellyanne.

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    The Intelligence chiefs were dismayed;
    The Commander was planning a raid.
    “Where’s Korea?” he mumbled,
    Then cursed as he fumbled –
    “My little red button’s mislaid!”

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    (Another old one – waste not, want not)

    Balboa was quite unafraid
    As the massacred tribe he surveyed.
    “Their wives and their daughters?
    They’ll blame it on Cortez –
    Thank Keats, and the error he made!”

  23. Juanita Gluck is my new maid
    She claimed to have accidentally “mislaid”
    My Beretta pistol
    And valuable crystal
    So I killed her with a can of Raid

  24. colonialist says:

    She knew that her beauty would fade
    By the time she became an old maid,
    So quickly she pitched
    To become safely hitched
    To one of the field she had played.

  25. colonialist says:

    A maiden who hired a maid
    Soon neighed she had not made the grade;
    ‘She stayed far too staid
    And too often prayed;
    No joy she displayed, I’m afraid.’

  26. Not a duplicate

    Juanita Gluck is my maid
    She said she accidentally “mislaid”
    My costly Beretta pistol
    And some of my valuable crystal
    So I killed her with a can of Raid

  27. We were so glad we made
    The requirements for Medicade
    But it only covered our nose
    Something they did not disclose
    I’d say we were definitely played


    I was so glad that I made
    The requirements for Medicade
    But it only covered MY nose
    (Something they did not disclose)
    I’d say that I was definitely played


    At college I’m “Mr. Smarts”
    I’m at the top of the IQ charts
    But my “prof” said I stink
    And he knows that I drink
    And he can’t stand my relentless farts

  30. Diane Groothuis says:

    He leered at the pretty young maid
    Saying “Darlin’ why are you so staid?”
    She started to cry
    As she gave her reply
    “The coppers are planning a raid”

  31. Ryan Tilley says:

    It’s Curtains For Collins!

    He was deaf to cliché he displayed
    In his poem for which he was paid
    And the laureate bragged
    As his idiom dragged
    And detracted from verse he had made!

  32. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Instead of a shrieking tirade
    When his wife found him swiving the maid
    She asked him to pardon her
    To meet with the gardener
    Who “ploughs my rich furrow each day.”

  33. Jeanine Silverio says:

    They think that I’m just a dumb mutt
    Who can’t learn any tricks at all, but
    I think that it’s time
    To bust out a sick rhyme
    Like a limerick…wait a sec – what?

  34. Tim James says:

    The bordello he chose was top-grade,
    The amenities worth all he paid.
    There was wi-fi for free,
    Comfy bed, big TV,
    And free cookies and cake, all ho-made.

  35. Val Fish says:

    I’ve a brain the size of a flea
    Learning never came easy for me
    But I’ve a heart of gold
    Which is worth, so I’m told
    Far more than any fancy degree

  36. My jeweler said ” This Imperial Jade
    Is the finest in the world ever made”
    But when I brought it back
    With its CRACKER JACK
    I returned in a total tirade

  37. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Stay the night,” said the rake to the maid,
    And, against her best judgment, she stayed.
    “I won’t touch you,” he said —
    But she woke in his bed,
    Not only dis-maid, but betrayed.

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now Kevin was King of the Quiz,
    At trivia really a whizz
    The answers came fast
    And life was a blast
    But he met his demise in Cadiz.

  39. Diane Groothuis says:

    He thought that his future was made
    But he knelt down and piously prayed
    “Oh Father in Heaven
    Please send six or seven
    Young ladies who want to be laid”.

  40. I put an ad in for a maid
    Who is reliable and very staid
    But when she walked in
    With a toothless grin
    She said “I thought you said decayed”

  41. Val Fish says:

    Her brain was the size of a flea
    Her cup size, a huge Double ‘D’
    She wasn’t that dumb,
    Success was to come
    Flaunting her assets on page three.

  42. Sharon Neeman says:

    People thought to elect him was smart;
    But an adjective’s only one part
    Of speech “smart” can be;
    If you’re smart, then you’ll see —
    Verb, like “hurt;” noun, like “pain” (in our heart).

  43. Sharon Neeman says:

    “It’s May Day! I’m off now,” cried Jade,
    “To dance and disport in the glade.”
    Said her mom, to her sorrow,
    “No, May Day’s tomorrow;
    It’s April” — and Jade was dis-Mayed.

  44. Sharon Neeman says:

    Oh darn, Madeleine, that’s “Said her mom” — there should be a “fix that butterfingers” option. Fix it, please?


    From MBK: Fixed.

  45. Tim James says:

    There once was a fellow named Art
    Whose IQ score was way off the chart.
    After months watching Fox
    Spew their stuff on the box
    He’s a house plant — but not quite as smart.

  46. A ship-wrecked couple who displayed
    Reluctance when contact was made,
    Explained their position
    Facilitated coition
    So not really marooned, just mis-laid.

    Paradise Island

  47. Fred Bortz says:

    She was known for a role that she played,
    A whip-cracking, dominant maid
    Whose hard leather crop
    Was not merely a prop
    When the time came for her to be paid.

  48. Fred Bortz says:

    As Presidents go, I’m so smart.
    My brain power sets me apart.
    It’s true that my thinkin’s
    More bigly than Lincoln’s.
    I belong at the top of the chart.

    Fake media call me bombastic.
    They’re wrong, Folks. You know I’m fantastic.
    So let’s have some fun.
    I’ll call up Kim Jung Un.
    I’ll threaten to do something drastic.

    I’m the best when it comes to deflection
    Away from that Russian connection.
    Though it’s not really bad
    To be palling with Vlad,
    I’ll give them that old misdirection.

    My intelligence keeps me ahead.
    Keep ’em guessing. Make sure they’re misled.
    Every day, a new story.
    That’s Trump’s shining glory.
    Now who can I quote that is dead?

  49. Val Fish says:

    To please her new master the maid
    Got down on her knees and obeyed
    His every command
    Taking him in hand
    Then oh my, how well she B J’d.

  50. Frank Hubeny says:

    As a damsel she was a fine maid.
    After cleaning she’d rest in the shade
    Of her dragon, her lord,
    With his sparkling rich horde
    And pretend he’s a knight, but well-paid.

  51. Frank Hubeny says:

    Though my heart tries to tell my dumb brain
    It is smarter to act less insane,
    It insists when it’s right
    It will fight, day or night,
    Taunt the cop, tease the judge, pop more pain.


    I was so pleased I made
    My lemon chicken “a la Sade”
    I added lemon oil
    To be sure it wouldn’t spoil
    Everyone threw up on the boardwalk promenade

  53. REVISION OF PREVIOUS LIMERICK (used “lemon” twice)

    Sadie’s Chicken at the Jersey shore:

    I was so pleased that I made
    My famous chicken “a la Sade”
    I added lemon oil
    So it wouldn’t spoil
    Then everyone threw up on the boardwalk promenade



    I was so pleased that I made
    My famous chicken “a la Sade”
    I added lemon oil
    Making sure it wouldn’t spoil
    Then ALL MY GUESTS threw up on the boardwalk promenade

  55. Diane Groothuis says:

    The Bridal March already played
    And the groom looked so fine dressed in suede
    But the bride ran away
    And the groom in dismay
    Took the next best and married the maid.

  56. I felt so utterly betrayed
    When Suzanna my loyal maid
    Didn’t show at all
    Not even a telephone call !
    Seems she was at the “Mop, Dust, Shine and Wax Vacuum Parade”

  57. Sharon Neeman says:

    Now Comey, they tell us, is gone.
    Here’s something worth pondering on:
    When Nixon fired Cox,
    He wound up in a box.
    That wasn’t intelligent, Don.

  58. Sharon Neeman says:

    When she caught Elvis boffing the maid,
    She made sure he would soon be repaid:
    She took an old shoe,
    Smeared the sole with fresh poo,
    And she trampled his lovely blue suede.

  59. Kirk Miller says:

    For eagles quite sick, he had paid.
    For sheep that were female, he’d trade.
    Certain parts, when assembled,
    A rough gull, it resembled.
    An ill eagle ewe tern he’d made.

  60. Kirk Miller says:

    On a plate after meals, are arrayed
    Chinese cookies; chef’s handsomely paid.
    Since his business has grown,
    It is rather well known
    That many small fortunes were made.

  61. Kirk Miller says:

    Electricians are masters of trade,
    But they certainly don’t have it made.
    The news is quite jolting,
    To them it’s re-volting,
    ‘Cause they say, “We re-fuse to get paid.”

  62. Kirk Miller says:

    To museums computers are hauled
    To judge paintings. Some folks are enthralled.
    They are smart, earn acclaim
    And this relevant name:
    “Art official intelligence” they’re called.

  63. Kirk Miller says:

    The cashier uses lots of eloquence
    When she rings up a sale with relevance.
    She’s a CIA spy
    Who is smart. That is why
    People say it is counter intelligence.

  64. Suzanne Heymann says:

    He had tried, but he couldn’t persuade
    A l’il sleep with the buxomy maid
    Then his face just went yellow
    When hearing her bellow,
    “I’m just a plain fellow named Wade!”

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    ‘Twas a very bad marriage he made
    I don’t care if I never get paid
    Got a cat full of fuzz
    For my husband, who does
    Not believe that it was a fair trade.

  66. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When the troops come and start to invade
    We will shock them with many a maid
    Wearing only a smile
    They are sure to beguile
    That’s when our men will pile in and raid!

  67. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Reassuring the quivering maid
    He said, “Just relax, don’t be afraid.”
    She said, “I’ve a weak heart.”
    So he said, “I’ll jumpstart
    When I reach that one part; let’s get laid!”

  68. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When Juliet’s heart broke in half
    She did not see it coming (his gaffe)
    That’s when Romeo farted
    The audience started
    To howl, come apart and just laugh.

    With intelligence, sometimes it means
    Before acting, don’t eat any beans
    Or your acting is finished
    Your hopes are diminished
    You’re better off eating pralines!

  69. Suzanne Heymann says:

    For years, women never got paid
    The same wage for the same work men made
    Till that changes, let’s taunt,
    Go on strike till they’re gaunt
    And refuse if they want to get laid!

    Now Iceland’s the best place to be
    Go ahead, google that and you’ll see
    Intelligent women
    Are pretty much brimmin’
    With pride; they’ve the same pay as “he.”

  70. At rest in the afternoon shade,
    A stand selling cold lemonade.
    Though things have been rotten
    These lemons I’ve gotten
    Turned into a beverage I’ve made.

  71. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I expected a pro, not a maid.
    “Lemme in if you wanna get laid.
    This hotel is so snobby
    Must sneak through the lobby—
    That and you are just tricks of the trade.”

  72. Diane Groothuis says:

    Well the call to Kim Jong un was made
    But the test was not cancelled but stayed.
    And Kim said to Don
    “Opportunity’s gone”
    Yet Don rained on his pissy parade.
    Like · Reply · Just now

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some folks call me the old maid
    But you can bet I’m not dismayed
    I dated Clark Gable
    He was willing and able
    And I was there when Minsky’s had its infamous raid

  74. P Diane Schneider says:

    Each day a new immigrant raid
    Departures go on as you bade
    Civil servants are fired
    Your supporters are ired
    Now, look at the bed that you’ve made!

  75. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Hi, Mad!

    I’ve been looking at the limerick I posted for over a week and have tweaked it a number of times; however, almost as soon as I posted it, I decided I like “just” rather than “two” in L5. Will you be your usual sweet self and change it for me?

    Thanks, Konrad


    From MBK: Yeah, I agree. Just is better. I changed it.
    I hope you don’t mind, but while I was at it, I changed “Gotta” to “must” to get rid of the 3rd unstressed syllable between lines 3 and 4. Hope you’re okay with that!

  76. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Thanks, Mad, but you’re not allowed to pick it now.

  77. Sharon Neeman says:

    For Mother’s Day? No, I’m afraid
    I don’t want any gift, bought or made,
    Or a night on the town —
    Please, just let me lie down
    On the grass, with a book, in the shade.

  78. Sharon Neeman says:

    The smartest thing suitors can do
    When deciding a maiden to woo:
    Don’t just dwell on her looks
    Or the things that she cooks —
    Please praise her intelligence, too.

  79. Suzanne Heymann says:

    “Where’s intelligence? Gone down the drain?”
    Cry the Dems about Donald Trump’s brain
    Gone to hell (since you ask it)
    Right in a handbasket
    Then into a casket of pain!

  80. Byron Ives says:

    His cleaning girl could not be swayed
    And she tired of his bids to persuade
    Then while dusting last week
    He pinched her butt cheek
    She bolted, which left him dis-maid

  81. Mark G. Kane says:

    A banker, though proper and staid,
    Let loose with an overpriced aide.
    She seemed more than willing,
    Enjoying his drilling.
    Once laid, she’s NOW worth what she’s paid.

  82. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Intelligence – so underrated
    It’s constantly being debated
    Being stupid is in
    Being smart is a sin
    Being good’s never been so outdated.

    Just look at the recent election
    It was worse than a viral infection
    A disease that would choose
    To cause votes to refuse
    Common sense, and to lose the connection.

  83. Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly says:

    A sly shopkeep, a baker by trade,
    Had a helper, a doughy young maid.
    On his bread-making bench,
    He defloured the wench,
    “I was kneading,” he said, “to get laid.”

  84. Tim James says:

    The hotel guests, no matter how staid,
    When they saw her, all asked to get laid.
    She obliged them: about
    Sixty seconds and out.
    And that’s why she’s called “Minute Maid.”

  85. Byron Miller aka Errol Nimbly says:

    I was born not a very smart fella,
    My head’s soft, like a mega marshmella.
    When they offered me brains
    I was sure they said “rains”
    And I asked for a purple umbrella.

    I’m not sure how this nonsensical limerick will be perceived.

    The theme is intelligence. I think it may be acceptable to make fun of someone who has intelligence, but is not using it to full potential. But is it acceptable to make fun of someone who has limited intelligence? Today’s climate of “Can’t-Unintentionally-Hurt-Anyone’s-Feelings-Ever” has me wondering. Thoughts?


    From MBK: I don’t find it offensive. It’s a limerick, after all. Besides, how limited can one be if one can write a well-structured limerick? :)

  86. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award 277.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Intelligence-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Ride.