Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SIGN at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SIGN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RESOLUTIONS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RESOLUTIONS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 8, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 7, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

When a gal asked a guy, “What’s your sign?”
He responded, “You’re way out of line!
“Don’t be nosy,” he cried.
“You just blew it,” she sighed.
No one scores with that Scorpio whine.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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76 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SIGN at the end of any one line”

  1. Perry Plouff says:

    . . . It is Christmas, and I’ve got the flu,
    And there’s nothing for it I can do.
    I sneeze and I cough,
    And I feel well-pissed-off,
    For I’ve missed your flu poesy, too.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    After several more glasses of wine,
    I was sure that she’d give me a sign.
    Didn’t take very long
    ‘Til she came on real strong.
    It was only a quarter past nine!

  3. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Hello baby, please tell me your sign.
    If you tell me yours, I’ll tell you mine!
    You have nothing to say?
    Then I’ll be on my way.
    That’s the last time I’ll use that old line!

  4. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Every year, when the earth’s done revolving,
    We get down to the act of resolving.
    Lofty promises made
    Very shortly will fade.
    Credibility’s quickly dissolving.

  5. Chris Gross says:

    The geometry teacher felt fine
    About getting a loan while on-line.
    But his credit is awful,
    So to make this deal lawful,
    They need somebody else to cosine.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Resolutions get broken each year,
    Such as giving up smoking and beer.
    But I’ve found the solution:
    Make NO resolution –
    In that way my conscience is clear.

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    The guy knew to wait for a sign,
    A smile on her face would do fine.
    Then he thought he knew
    That she wanted him, too.
    T’was after he sloshed her with wine.

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    Since you asked, I will tell you my Sign..
    I’m a VIrgo, which means I’m divine.
    I’m perfectionist; HOT,
    More often than not.
    Which means that you’ve hit the goldmine.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    So far, we’ve had many a sign
    That Trump is a human landmine.
    He’s rash and unstable,
    But how to disable?
    We need intervention, Divine.

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    New Year’s starts with such lofty ideals..
    I can do this, one honestly feels.
    Resolutions are broken
    Soon after they’re spoken
    And weakness is all it reveals.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    “So ya wanna be President? Fine,”
    Said the devil, “Your soul will be mine.”
    But since Trump hadn’t got one,
    The deal was a hot one.
    “I’ll take it! Now, where do I sign?”

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    There’s one resolution I’ll keep,
    I can’t be withdrawn or asleep.
    Rights must be respected.
    Our planet, protected.
    Must fight now, not cower or weep.

  13. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Resolutions, both written and spoken
    All too often turn out to be token.
    Though our thoughts are sincere,
    Our plans soon disappear.
    Resolutions were meant to be broken!

  14. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a cop at my door, a bad sign;
    Has a dog; wants to know if it’s mine.
    By the roadside, he said,
    Dog gave birth. Why my dread?
    I’ll be getting a littering fine.

  15. Kirk Miller says:

    My car drives nice and straight, is a sign
    That the steering and wheels are just fine.
    My mechanic says, “Try
    An adjustment.” But I
    Know he’s trying to feed me align.

  16. Ken Gosse says:

    Roasty-Toasty ~
    Borgnine is a favorite of mine.
    His life’s motto, a street vendor’s sign:
    He thought ‘twas good form
    Just to keep his nuts warm.
    Set the World aflame? Not his design.

    (Ernest Borgnine said as a young actor in NY, he saw a sign over a street-vendor’s chestnut-roasting cart during one Winter. It said,
    “I Don’t Want To Set the World on Fire.
    I Just Want to Keep My Nuts Warm.”)

  17. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Making bold resolutions is fun.
    Some of us have already begun.
    Promises we can’t keep
    Get us in much too deep,
    So I only resolve to make none!

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    Said The Donald, “Lord, gimme a sign
    That ya think what I’m doin’ is fine.”
    A lightning-bolt sped,
    But it just singed his head.
    “Me damn!” said the Lord. “Missed the swine!”

  19. Dave Johnson says:

    Their New Year’s Day pledge is a winner:
    “By April, I’m going to be thinner…”
    They’ll start a routine;
    But then in between,
    Workouts won’t matter – just dinner.

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo had put out a sign
    Saying “Pussy for sale.” It seemed fine,
    But the queue at her door
    Was expecting a whore,
    And a kitten they had to decline.

  21. Jesse Levy says:

    I bumped into friend, David Klein
    Who told me I didn’t look fine
    He said, “Legal weed
    Is the thing that you need.”
    I just smiled and gave the high sign.

  22. Dave Johnson says:

    I’d resolved not to vote for a chump;
    Now we’re cursed with one Donald J. Trump.
    So I need a new pledge;
    If I’m close to a ledge,
    Resist the temptation to jump.

  23. Mor O Inchrory says:

    She said, all what’s yours is now mine
    When on, that fated line, you did sign.
    Well! You had best take, it all
    As walked, we back down the hall
    For here’s all the debts, I assign.

  24. Ken Gosse says:

    I’ll preface my Limerick with my Resolution:
    Be It Resolved: ~
    My New Year’s Resolution for 2017:
    To Remember my New Year’s Resolution for 2017.

    Easier Thought Than Done ~
    Remember this Year’s Resolution?
    Deceptively simple solution:
    Resolve to Remember
    Until next December.
    Evasively hard execution.

  25. Mor O Inchrory says:

    This was nearly a limerick, I must try harder.

    There was an old granny, much given to sighs
    Who’d dress all her pastry, in little bow ties
    As she ached to partake
    For such baking’s sake
    She’d only put ties, on those bloody pork pies.

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    The Magi were seeking the sign,
    A star that would brilliantly shine.
    But their quest was in vain,
    For they found that insane
    Old Reality Star – asinine!

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    I was hoping to have the fräulein;
    Her smile seemed a welcoming sign.
    I gave her a ten,
    Saying “Let’s do it, then!”
    But, alas, all she gave me was “Nein!”

  28. Brian Allgar says:

    They carried him up from the mine
    Coughing blood. “But it can’t be a sign
    Of some deadly disease,”
    They said. “Trump guarantees
    That it’s clean coal, you’re gonna be fine.”

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    Said President Trump, “I resign.
    I’m so smart that I need to assign
    All my genius to Twitter,
    I’ve no time to fritter –
    But President Pence will do fine.”

  30. Wendy Playter says:

    When last year had started anew,
    I listed what I’d like to do:
    Make twice as much cash,
    And lose my fat stash.
    But sadly, I mixed up the two.

  31. Wendy Playter says:

    It feels like an ominous sign–
    This year sends a chill down my spine.
    Two zero one six,
    Eat ten bags of dicks!
    With Carrie, you’ve just crossed the line.

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    I had wanted a brand new TV
    That is sharper and clearer to see.
    Technology’s solution,
    My new year’s resolution:
    Nineteen twenty by ten eighty — HD.

  33. Kirk Miller says:

    In the new year, I hope there will be
    A new treatment to make me pain-free
    When I run. You can bet
    I’d be thrilled if I’d get
    Resolution of pain in my knee.

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    Is it love that is making her whine?
    Can her soft, pleading gaze be a sign
    Of unfailing devotion?
    No, I have a notion
    My dog is impatient to dine.

  35. Brian Allgar says:

    Glum faces are often a sign
    That their vows were just shooting a line.
    Complete dissolution
    Is my resolution –
    Sex, cigarettes, whisky and wine.

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    On the wall, a decorous sign;
    Ten rules to respect and define.
    The Donald took note;
    “Now after the vote,
    Commandments are gonna be mine.”

  37. Mark G. Kane says:

    Remember that old pickup line?
    “I bet I can guess your sun sign.”
    Well my wife did just that,
    At our ‘First Meeting’ chat.
    After decades, we’re still doing fine.

  38. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump divests himself of his illegal assets

    “They tell me I gotta resign;
    Eric Trump gets the role that was mine.
    But the rest of my stash?
    I have hidden the cash
    In a place where the son doesn’t sign.”

  39. Nicky says:

    Kevin was full of remorse,
    His wife had just filed for divorce.
    He clearly missed the sign,
    On the day of Valentine,
    When she refused to have intercourse.

  40. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    “Your angle’s not clear with that line.
    And I’m straight, hope your needs mesh with mine.
    You don’t seem obtuse
    or hypotenuse
    Can you tell me, please, what is your sine?”

  41. Fred Bortz says:

    In trig class, you learn of the sine,
    The cosine, and tangent. That’s fine.
    They teach angles in radians
    (Preferred by Canadians),
    Where pi represents a straight line.

    Those functions are heaven’s design,
    But math-lovers often incline
    Toward forms hyperbolic.
    Yes, they love to frolic

    With e to the x. It’s divine.

  42. Ken Gosse says:

    The Naked Truth ~
    A wise peasant said he could design,
    The most truly remarkable sign.
    Though his billboard was blank,
    Like the Royal Think-Tank,
    The King said, like his clothes, it looked fine.

  43. David Reddekopp says:

    “The hypotenuse”, he would opine,
    “Should connect to each right-angled line”
    My geometry prof
    Would proceed to go off
    On a tangent on sine and cosine.

  44. Ted Hayes says:

    Trump, our Savior

    There’s a nice group of rabbis on line
    claim Trump is a biblical sign,
    and though won’t yet applya
    Trump name as Messiah,
    he still may be Savior Divine.

    Genetically speaking, this sign
    says Trump and Jesus align,
    and despite his behavior
    Trump may still be our Savior,
    and turn all our water to wine.

    Now it’s yours to accept or decline,
    Trump and his prophetic sign.
    But if in this belief you succumb,
    send it plus a reasonable sum,
    and a nice bridge in Brooklyn is thine!

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    In the past, many people forgot
    To turn off every light, so I thought
    That it ought to be fine
    If I put up this sign:
    Please turn off all the lights; thanks a watt.

  46. Ted Hayes says:

    I was having trouble with signs
    when the DMV lady asked, “Are you blind?”
    But finally, at last
    she said “you squeaked past,
    just keep your car at a distance from mine!”

  47. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Ringing in the New Year can be rough
    (As if getting old isn’t enough)
    It seems my will power
    Lasts less than an hour
    Then I’m begging for just one more puff

  48. Richard Campbell says:

    I’ve met a young lady — adorable.
    But I fear my intentions are horrible.
    Though she’s given no sign,
    I just can’t draw the line,
    I must know if she might be sexplorable.

  49. Ted Hayes says:

    If for each bad limerick I write and sign,
    you send me a dollar for each awful line.
    Once it’s received
    I truly believe
    I’ll have more dough than Trump, I opine!

  50. Ted Hayes says:

    Jimmy Joe, a man not too keen on signs,
    ignored the one about old rotted pine.
    But he found it no joke
    when the outhouse seat broke
    and he was found interred in his own shrine!

  51. Ted Hayes says:

    My Grandmother who’s ninety and nine
    totally demolished a huge brick sign.
    But she got no ticket,
    because she couldn’t click-it
    But now her skate board is totally confined!

  52. Sue Dulley says:

    A youth was requested to sign
    His name on a form’s bottom line.
    Not having learned Cursive
    He made a subversive
    Bold squiggle, which served him just fine.

  53. Sue Dulley says:

    A singer sat waiting to sign
    His CDs at the concert. The line
    Was pathetic’ly short
    Since no-one had thought
    Yo buy music he’d brought. (It’s online)

  54. Sue Dulley says:

    Some quilts I design I will sign
    On the back, but the choice there is mine.
    I may leave off my name
    So I won’t get the blame
    If the quilt turns out lame (like this line) :)

  55. Fred Bortz says:

    Replace the above:

    After years of resolving to be
    A person who’s different from me,
    I have sadly concluded
    That I was deluded.
    I’ll follow my nature with glee.

  56. Diane Groothuis says:

    She wrote out a form and said “Sign!..
    The house and its contents are mine”
    But he said “What’s that for?
    You are going for more
    Than I own, and the Bank will be cryin’ “

  57. David Reddekopp says:

    A pious man drove by a field
    He looked up and to God he appealed
    He beseeched the divine
    To send him a sign
    And he saw one. It told him to yield.

  58. Diane Groothuis says:

    He said “Okay I’ll bloody well sign
    You can have all your stuff and half mine
    Bur what will you say
    When you can’t get my pay?
    I’ll fix it, I’ll up and resign

  59. Fred Bortz says:

    Said Trump, “I resolve to keep tweeting.
    Not fair, very sad’s how they’re treating
    The huge font of knowledge
    That’s shared at my college.”
    We respond, “That’s a dead horse you’re beating.”

  60. Chris Gross says:

    City slicker discovered a sign
    At the front of abandoned gold mine:
    “Be aware those who go
    To the depths down below!”
    Bullion Trading will suit him just fine

  61. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Resolutions – we break ’em, but why?
    Are we lazy or just being shy?
    Do we think we will miss
    All our bad habit bliss?
    Old self-discipline – kiss it goodbye!

  62. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Straight towards him, she makes a beeline
    Though he’s aging, her move is a sign
    To climb out of the box
    Which she promptly unlocks
    “He’s a hot silver fox and he’s mine!”

  63. Suzanne Heymann says:

    “Resolutions – be more like your brother!”
    Blurts my bossy, but well-meaning, mother
    She can scream, she can shout
    But it does, without doubt,
    Go in one year and then out the other.

  64. Suzanne Heymann says:

    You just know it’s an ominous sign
    If you’re feeling some pain in your spine
    A good chiropractor
    Could be the main factor
    In helping your back realign.

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If a guy wants to show you ‘cloud nine’
    Wants to wine you and dine you, that’s fine
    Trouble’s brewing if he
    Feels you up; you can see
    How that move ought to be your first sign.

    But if that’s what you want, plus some wine
    It’s your business and ain’t none of mine!
    Don’t care why, don’t care how
    Just don’t do it here now!
    That’s where I really must draw the line!

  66. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Some twittering twit tweets online
    It’s just endless and that is a sign
    That we never should coddle
    His asinine twaddle
    He’s not a role model of mine!

  67. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you’re learning to drive, then commit
    To make sure that you’re giving a shit
    A red octagon sign
    At the end of the line
    Means you stop! Don’t be blind, you dumb twit!

    I’ve seen people just driving right through
    The close call scared me silly, that’s true
    I guess that is a sign
    I’ve good reason to whine
    ‘Cause my undies are lined with wet poo!

  68. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Day and night, hubby played games online
    And so wifey took that as a sign
    To put in the loo
    A big python or two
    So when hubby goes poo, snakes can dine.

    The funeral went along fine
    With a bottle of sparkling wine
    In a grave lies her spouse
    With computer and mouse
    “Now the money, the house, is all mine!”

  69. Diane Groothuis says:

    An architect went out to dine
    Hoping his client would sign.
    But his plan was rejected
    In mode unexpected
    “Your erection just can’t equal mine.”

  70. Ted Hayes says:

    The only IRS form left not signed
    “How and from whom wealth assigned.”
    John Kerry knew
    it was inconstitu
    so he signed it “Kiss my beHEINZ!

  71. Suzanne Heymann says:

    It’s not by mistake, but design
    That Trump’s pie hole keeps crossing the line
    As his idiot filter
    Has gone way off kilter
    Him locked up would suit me just fine!

    Just imagine if that would come true
    No more tweets, lies or insults, woohoo!
    That would sure be a sign
    There’s a power divine
    That can rid us of swine and their poo!

  72. Patty Magyar says:

    He wanted to give her a sign
    That his love for her was so fine.
    They drove to Niagara
    He took 2 Viagra
    And she said the sex was divine!

  73. Tim James says:

    This year I resolve to lose weight
    And never to procrastinate.
    Gee, that second one’s tough.
    I’ll have problems enough;
    I’ll postpone to a much later date.

  74. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Leonard Cohen was cheated, betrayed
    Of “Suzanne,” a sweet song he had made
    He was fooled, told to sign
    On the old dotted line
    Lost the rights and then never got paid.

  75. Tim James says:

    Though I have no intent to malign,
    English spelling is flawed in design.
    To employ silent “g”
    Just makes no sense to me.
    Does anyone think it’s condign?

  76. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 268.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Resolutions-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Lmerick-Off Cop.