Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAT or BEET at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using BEAT or BEET at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write a themed limerick related to EDUCATION, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best EDUCATION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 6, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 5, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A gal who looked red as a beet,
Was beat from a race in the heat.
Her attempt at unseating
The leader was fleeting;
She tripped and fell down on her seat.

Please feel free to write your own limerick(s) using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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130 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BEAT or BEET at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    I have to confess that a beet
    Is not something that I like to eat.
    Their flavor I hate.
    Keep them off of my plate
    And just give me a big hunk of meat!

  2. RIch Diakun says:

    The smell of a pie can’t be beat
    Apple or pumpkin, a treat
    In fluffy crust pastry
    Mixed berry is tastry
    Pecan or a Key Lime’d be sweet!

  3. RIch Diakun says:

    Lolita, she tried to look swee
    Her cute, youthful smile can’t be beat
    She was such a looker
    though dressed like a hooker
    but boy could she service the fleet

  4. RIch Diakun says:

    The drummer can’t carry a beat
    His hands don’t keep time with his feet
    He can’t count to four,
    and oy vey, what’s more….
    his drum kit stool’s missing the seat!

  5. Marty Gerendasy says:

    The professor, a lovely young lass
    Always had lots of guys in her class.
    But then soon they would cop out,
    One by one, they would drop out,
    ‘Cause the class was a pain in the ass.

  6. RIch Diakun says:

    Johnny was looking to beat
    something that wasn’t his meat
    He tried chasing girls
    and gave few twirls
    but none of them could quite compete

  7. Sue Dulley says:

    That song that goes “Give me the beet….”
    Reminds me of this simple treat
    That I make for myself
    (Beats the stuff off the shelf) –
    Balsamic with beets: sour and sweet.

  8. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A young lady fell down on the street
    And promptly turned red as a beet
    And it is no wonder–
    She wore nothing under
    Her skirt. For the boys — what a treat!

  9. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Every day, she attended a school
    Did her homework, obeyed every rule
    It is not so mundane
    Neither is it insane
    ‘Cause today she is nobody’s fool.

  10. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Like chameleons performing a feat
    We can easily turn red as a beet
    Or as white as a sheet
    Or as gray as concrete
    Or just pea green with envy, how neat!

    …Or purple with boiling mad heat
    Or orange like carrots we eat
    Or yellow with jaundice
    Or blue when unconscious
    We’re rainbows encased in raw meat.

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    With no brother to help him to cheat,
    Jeb admits that he’s finally beat.
    And his web site? He blew it,
    Forgot to renew it –
    “I bought it!” jeers Trump in a tweet.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    The Sugar-Plum Fairy looked sweet,
    But she kept tripping over her feet.
    The music was jerky,
    The rhythms were quirky;
    The conductor was missing the beat.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    “Oh, my God! I am dying!” I bleat,
    “There is blood in my pee! I’m dead meat!”
    But the doctor said “Nope,
    It’s just beetroot, you dope”,
    So from now on, I’ll stop eating beet.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    (A lock of John Lennon’s hair has sold for $35,000)

    The hairdresser did the elite;
    John Lennon’s locks fell at his feet.
    He kept them as planned
    And made thirty-five grand
    From the hair of a famous dead Beat.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    Harper Lee (author of “To kill a mockingbird)

    With one novel, she joined the elite,
    Won a Pulitzer (that’s quite a feat)
    While Ginsberg and Burroughs
    Were ploughing their furrows –
    Though, of course, she’s not read as a beat.

  16. Kirk Miller says:

    In the morning, my wife likes to greet
    Me by saying, “Sit down and let’s eat.
    In the kitchen I toiled
    Making eggs. They’re hard-boiled
    ‘Cause I know that they’re real hard to beat.”

  17. Kirk Miller says:

    A policeman I know who’s named Pete
    Plays the drums in a band that’s elite.
    When he won an award,
    Many accolades poured
    ‘Cause the cop’s good at keeping the beat.

  18. Jese Levy says:

    The new “superfood” is the beet.
    I’ve heard that’s the word on the street.
    The ads make it seem
    As if beets are a dream.
    Well, at least they don’t contain wheat.

  19. Dave Johnson says:

    A lively young teacher named Cass
    Was showing her dance moves with sass.
    But while she was twerking,
    Smart phones were lurking;
    A gift for the boys in the class.

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    The crimson glow comes from a beet
    My smile is so lovely and sweet
    My cherry-red lips
    Just beg for a kiss
    Let’s be passionate and indiscrete.

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    The guy was exhausted; was beat,
    Clearing snow, it continued to sleet.
    The snow piling high,
    His plans went awry
    He finally quit in defeat.

  22. I have a Masters and friends always look
    At my diploma in my “achievement nook”
    With so much education
    And profound determination
    Why can’t I balance my damn check book?

  23. The mavens of limericks are hard to beat
    Each week I strive and face defeat
    But one day I’ll win
    And wear a proud grin
    But for the time being, I’ll take the heat

  24. Our friend gave us a high-bred dalmatian
    We sent him to dog school for a full education
    But he pooped on the floor
    And made a hole in the door
    Now Chauncey is on probation

  25. At college I received much information
    Sadly, though, no sex education
    My date said, “It’s okay”
    So we sneaked away
    And I succeeded to increase the world population

  26. Dave Johnson says:

    The drummer was such an elite;
    A magician with furious feet.
    When challenged, he’d say
    “Although you can play,
    Forget it – you can’t meet my beat.”

  27. Dave Johnson says:

    A horny young frat boy named Ryan
    Had lusted for Meghan O’Brien.
    When he sexted a pic,
    She thought it was Nick;
    They’re dating now – Ryan is cryin’.

  28. Marty Gerendasy says:

    When the sun got too hot on the street
    We just had to get out of the heat.
    Made a trip to the ocean
    And splashed on lots of lotion
    But we still got as red as a beet!

  29. Dave Johnson says:

    The Republican party elite
    Just suffered another defeat.
    Their choices have lost
    At considerable cost
    To a blowhard nobody can beat.

  30. David Reddekopp says:

    While women may walk down the street
    And dream that a date would be sweet
    We men may make merry
    By popping a cherry
    And saying, “it cannot be beet.”

  31. Dave Johnson says:

    A math professor is rating
    The colleague he’d like to be dating.
    His analysis said
    He could take her to bed
    But she can’t think he’s too calculating.

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    My short career as a teacher

    I taught for six months, quite a feat.
    A thug had attempted to beat
    The brains out of his prof.
    When they carried him off,
    I took over his class – NOT a treat!

    (This is a true story. A large and brutal sixteen-year-old thug believed that the Englsh teacher had been eyeing his girlfriend in a meaningful way. So he waited for the teacher outside the classroom and smashed him repeatedly over the head with a heavy chair. I was a “supply teacher”, so I was asked to take over the class for the months that the teacher was hospitalized. I was never actually molested, but they were a pretty frightening bunch. It was my first and last experience of teaching.)

  33. Brian Allgar says:

    She was quite undeniably neat,*
    And she moaned as I sucked on her teat.
    Her pleasure was growing,
    Her juices were flowing …
    Fresh milk really cannot be beat.

    (* Neat: noun. An animal of the genus Bos; a bovine, as a cow or ox. In the words of the Schweppes ad, “What did you expect?”)

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    (This is an old one, but I thought I’d give it another airing since it’s on the theme of education)

    “You shouldn’t say ‘us’ll’, but ‘we’ll’ ”,
    The teacher done tell us – big deal!
    Young rednecks like us,
    Why, us don’t give a cuss.
    ’Cuz us’ll get richer than she’ll.


    If you know about Thoreau
    And Edgar Allen Poe
    You better be busty
    And exceptionally lusty
    ‘Cause guys don’t give a crap what you know

  36. Fred Bortz says:


    An upcoming cinema treat
    Might be “Spaceballs, Part 2, Meet the Fleet.”
    Its tagline, “It’s true;
    When the borscht is with you,
    Then the Empire is easy to beet.”

  37. Val Fish says:

    As she was strolling down the street
    Twang! Her knickers fell to her feet
    Amidst loud applause
    She retrieved her draws
    Cheeks burning the colour of beet

  38. Fred Bortz says:


    The physicists had a huge spat
    In their quantum entanglement chat.
    One delivered this lesson:
    “If you are caught messin’,
    You’ll end up like Schrödinger’s cat.”

    Then Heisenberg entered the fray.
    “I’m uncertain it’s true what you say.
    You have no compunction
    To use your wave function.
    My matrices carry the day.”

    Was one of them on the right track?
    I admit I was taken aback
    When Pauli was puzzled
    And both men were muzzled.
    He said, “We must query Dirac.”

    “Let’s add Relativity here,”
    The Englishman said to a cheer.
    But his math raised a clatter.
    “What is this? Antimatter?
    Outlandish, and yet it is clear.”

    The squabbling continues today.
    Quantum weirdness is true, come what may.
    The results provide traction.
    That famed “spooky action”
    That Einstein decried won’t go ‘way.

  39. yt cai says:

    A drag race took place on the street
    Pink slips were at risk as they meet
    Ivan lost to the Porche
    Using a fuel of borscht
    It was an unfortunate way to get beet

  40. yt cai says:

    When my snowshoe bunny named Pete
    Was searching for something to eat
    He asked for a carrot
    From Polly the parrot
    She repeated without skipping a beat

  41. Jon Gearhart says:

    I enjoy having veggies to eat,
    But sometimes I just want some meat.
    By replacing the beta
    Vulgaris, I made a
    Beef borscht and did not miss one beet.

  42. Dave Johnson says:

    Her face would turn red as a beet;
    At a party, she happened to meet
    An ex-lover who said
    She was epic in bed
    And he’d pay her again to repeat.

  43. Kirk Miller says:

    A new limerick’s never complete
    ‘Til I get the right rhythm or beat.
    When I’m trying to rhyme
    The right words, it takes time.
    It can be tough to make the ends meet.

    My poems have real lousy beat.
    I’m not ready, just now, to retreat.
    I will not give up yet;
    My persistence is set.
    I won’t yield or admit to de-feet.

    My limericks sometimes do cheat
    When cadence does not seem to meet.
    Though the words all do rhyme,
    Metric feet are a crime.
    Would you say that my verse is off-beat?

  44. Said Red Radish to her friend Beet
    “I’m Queen Vegie here” in her tweet
    Corn said “real corny”
    Trumpet vine, “horny”
    Mary C picked them both, to eat

  45. yt cai says:

    At age fourteen Buford had it made
    Three was a charm in the 4th grade
    Some say he’s dumb
    While others aplomb
    His hot teacher gave up the charade

  46. Brian Allgar says:

    She was strutting her stuff on the street.
    “Get in!” said the cop on the beat,
    “It’s clear that you’re hooking,
    So guess who I’m booking?”
    “Okay”, she said. “In the back seat?”

  47. Suzanne Heymann says:

    He squeezed a cooked beet on his seat
    Dripped like blood all the way to his feet
    He just did it for fun
    As he called 911
    Paramedics came in a heartbeet.

  48. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Only beets were all what she would eat
    When he wined her and dined her, how sweet
    When he asked, “Valentine
    Would you like to be mine?”
    She said, “Yes darling, in a heartbeet!”

  49. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Getting child support is a great feat
    Hard as getting beer out of a teat
    Fathers just hide away
    So they don’t have to pay
    I’m so sick of dads who are deadbeat.


    If you’re an EXPERT on Thoreau
    And Edgar ALLAN Poe
    You better be busty
    And EXTREMELY lusty
    ‘Cause guys don’t give a crap what you know


    My wife’s cooking can’t be beat
    As a housekeeper, she’s extremely neat
    She dresses in style
    But all the while
    She has the world’s smelliest feet

  52. Daisy Mae says:

    It occurs when I’m tired and beat
    Trite words creep in my posts and tweets
    Words mundane and cliché
    But at the end of the day
    If the shoe fits, I rinse, wash, repeat.

  53. Dave Johnson says:

    At a couple’s retreat, Mary Jo
    Said there’s plenty they needed to know.
    She told the instructor
    That Fred’s never fucked her
    For more than a minute or so.

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    A teacher named Mary Letourneau
    Apparently thought that there were no
    Reasons to wait;
    Her student she’d date
    And touch off a raging inferno.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    I remember when flying was neat;
    An adventure that couldn’t be beat.
    But if airlines today
    Could have it their way,
    They’d charge you to lower your seat.

  56. David Reddekopp says:

    Well, if you ignore education
    And stifle your kids’ innovation
    You’ll be prone to regression
    And cause a recession
    And end up destroying your nation.

  57. She trembled beneath the white sheet
    She, a virgin, all proper and meek
    Her dagger she drew
    He quickly turned blue
    But the sheet was as red as a beet

  58. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Writing lim’ricks is fun and it’s neat
    It is not such a difficult feat
    Sense of humor will do
    Meter, rhyme, scansion too
    Like a song, you just go with the beat.

  59. Allen Wilcox says:

    Some believe higher ed. is a mess.
    Some think it’s okay more or less.
    I know there are pros.
    There are cons I suppose,
    But professing is fun I confess.

  60. Suzanne Heymann says:

    School teachers are hired to teach
    But the odd one is tempted to preach
    That’s what churches are for
    So kick them out the door
    For the contract they thought they could breach.

  61. Suzanne Heymann says:

    First day of school – teachers – can’t choose ’em
    Have to take what you get – can’t refuse ’em
    Well, the boys were quite glad
    For the teacher they had
    Had long hair and a buxomy bosom.

    Big eyes and eyelashes, thick lips
    Tiny waistline toward swinging hips
    Her high heels (spiky pegs)
    Sprouted long curvy legs
    To a transparent skirt with no slips.

    Well, that screwed up the boys’ concentration
    Losing focus on their education.
    But each test, each assignment
    Was straight in alignment
    With grades to gain her admiration.

    After school, a suave, cocky schoolboy
    Hoped that she would take him as her toy
    She said “I want a man
    Not a cute Peter Pan
    So it isn’t a plan I’d enjoy.”

    “And while YOU are still wiping your booger
    You expect me to just be your cougar?!
    I could pass for your momma
    Don’t wanna cause trauma
    I’d rather shoot flies with a Luger.”

    Oh, his ego did take a bad fall
    He’s too green, young and dumb, after all
    And infatuated
    Too scandal-related – bad call!

  62. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Hi Mad… Could you please (and thank you) put the following limerick in the above saga so that it’s the second last verse? Thanks!

    “And while YOU are still wiping your booger
    You expect me to just be your cougar?!
    I could pass for your momma
    Don’t wanna cause trauma
    I’d rather shoot flies with a Luger.”

    From MBK: Done.

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    He saw her – his heart skipped a beat;
    Then awkwardly shuffled his feet.
    How amazing that he
    Could possibly be
    Running into a star on the street!

    It was just a few seconds or so
    That he felt that celebrity glow.
    Their eyes barely met,
    But he’ll never forget
    The moment Adele said “Hello.”

  64. Allen Wilcox says:

    When Windows won’t work and you’re beat,
    And you think you are facing defeat,
    Do not lose your cool.
    Remember the rule:
    When in doubt, press Control-Alt-Delete.

  65. Joyce Smith says:

    It looks like Trump just can’t be beat
    What he’s doing is quite a feat
    I think I’ll cry
    Or say bye-bye
    If he wins the presidential seat.

  66. Judith H. Block says:

    If you’ve got a poor education
    Your life can be filled with frustration.
    So you believe lies
    Fellow workers despise;
    For oppressors, you’ve got adulation.

  67. Suzanne Heymann says:


    If you’re stressed out and there’s no retreat
    Finding some relief’s not such a feat
    Just stomp on the floor
    Go ahead, slam the door!
    Get some eggs (two or more) you can beat.

    Play floor hockey in your backstreet
    Play hard as you try to compete
    And if you should lose
    A new game you can choose
    Kick the soccer ball blues with your feet.

    Hammer nails in a big drywall sheet
    Take a shotgun and let’s go shoot skeet
    Then go chase a rabbit
    Your pot roast – just stab it
    Yes, make it a habit – beat meat!

    Run like hell till it’s sweat you secrete
    Dive in water, and swear in the heat
    If they censor and ban you
    Take crap from no man, you
    Let shit hit the fan, so excrete!

    If someone you know is a cheat
    Just tell ’em and don’t be discreet
    Revenge in a letter
    Will make you feel better
    When joined with a court summons sheet.

    Reward yourself with a nice treat
    When you know your stress-busting’s complete
    And your ice is defrosted
    You’re tired and exhausted
    No penny it costed, how sweet!

    (oh wait… in case you think the court summons costed you a penny or more, make sure you sue ’em for court costs too! Harhar! There ya go!)

  68. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the co-ed, “It’s true that I’m slow
    To learn skills that I really should know.
    But with good education,
    My Prof for Fellation
    Is getting me there, blow by blow.”

  69. Brian Allgar says:

    He had won the dick-contest at school,
    And he spoke of his prize-winning tool:
    “It is true that my schlong
    Is twelve inches long,
    But it never gets used as a rule.”

    (Yeah, an old joke)

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    A confident fellow named Bart
    Decided to model for art.
    As the very first class
    Was sketching his ass,
    He neglected to stifle a fart.

    “I’m sorry” he said with a smirk;
    “This posing is frustrating work.’
    When he did it again,
    The instructor said “Then
    Let’s label this drawing ‘The Jerk’…”

  71. Dave Johnson says:

    A dancing instructor named Jonas
    Met Lynn at a club called The Onus.
    Now they really groove;
    She knows how to move
    And is great in the sack as a bonus.

  72. Dave Johnson says:

    Bud the Butcher, who lives up the street,
    Claims his love life is so hard to beat.
    But he found out from Jill
    That without the blue pill,
    There’s no market for Bud’s boneless meat.

  73. At the conclusion of my education
    My parents were thrilled with elation
    I had a four year fling
    I did my own thing
    Then mama said, “Where’s the ring?”

  74. Cheerleading can’t be beat
    But I didn’t attend every meet
    I jumped in the air
    Twisted with flair
    And landed on my sore blistered feet

  75. Kirk Miller says:

    A geometry teacher wrangles
    With a student who’s daft and mangles
    A good lesson on life:
    To reduce lots of strife,
    Look at things from some different angles.

    A geometry teacher named Rex
    One day plotted a capital X
    On a graph, after he
    Had drawn letters S E.
    Was arrested. The charge? Graphic sex.

    A geometry teacher named Brent
    Liked to frolic in sun, so he went
    To a place he could play
    At the seashore all day.
    He returned from the beach a tan gent.

  76. Back in the 50’s the teachers were great
    You might even say “first rate”
    They were very smart
    Bless their heart
    But their stockings were never on straight

  77. When you eat a beet
    It’s quite a lovely treat
    It’s very nutritious
    And quite delicious
    But your teeth will look like concrete

  78. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Growing up in the streets was a pain,
    Though it taught me a lot in the main.
    I’ve accrued education
    With no formal foundation,
    But I say that my school was two lane.

  79. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Most people one sees who are learned
    Have college degrees I once spurnèd,
    Like BCITs,
    DNPs, and JDs.
    At McDonald’s, for these, I have yearnèd.

  80. Tim James says:

    She thinks studying’s hard, so instead
    She lures each of her profs into bed
    Where she actively crams
    For her oral exams:
    She’s advanced to the class of the head.

  81. Raphael Harris says:

    When missing your homework in school,
    Remember the number one rule,
    When teacher walks in,
    Don’t wear a big grin,
    Don’t burp, mumble, cough, scratch or drool.

  82. Dave Johnson says:

    The Donald continues to beat
    Republicans still on their feet.
    Unleashing his tools,
    Misogyny rules;
    Pandemonium strikes the elite.

  83. Byron Ives says:

    The new fifth grade teacher, quite buxom,
    Was hooked on the sauce, so she snuck some
    Into the back room
    Between her bosom
    Where she let the custodian suck some

  84. Byron Ives says:

    My web class on animals stinks
    I’m learning of dogs, rats, and minks
    But I’m a cat guy
    And thus I decry:
    This site doesn’t have any lynx!

  85. Dave Johnson says:

    A teacher should know how to teach;
    A preacher on Sundays will preach.
    But creatures won’t creach
    And features don’t feach
    Though sometimes a bleacher can bleach.

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    The campaign had started to slump;
    And then it collapsed in a clump.
    While Christie was spurned,
    His new job, we’ve learned –
    A brand new apprentice for Trump.


    Miss Jones directed “AAA”
    Two weeks later it was “EEE”
    Now with my computer
    I need a clever tutor
    So the letters won’t abruptly fly away

  88. I must say I’m totally beat
    Buying groceries with hubby, Pete
    He gets everything wrong
    But still schleps along
    Buying chicken instead of prime meat

  89. Byron Ives says:

    My history teacher, Miss Beckons
    Traveled in time once, she reckons
    To her huge surprise
    While eating some fries
    She realized she’d gone back four seconds

  90. Byron Ives says:

    A seamanship teacher I know
    Was once a vile thief long ago
    While out on the wharf
    He pick-pocketed a dwarf
    I marveled that he stooped so low!

  91. To attend Graduate School
    We had to know about art: it was the rule
    But now the trend
    Could make your hair stand on end
    Kids learn about works made with stool

  92. My girlfriend prepared me a treat,
    Which I tried… and I just couldn’t eat.
    But what could I say,
    With her watching that way?
    “Ummm, this borscht simply cannot be beet!”

  93. Mr. Trump, without missing a beat,
    Responds to the press with a tweet:
    “I did not recognize
    David Duke. No surprise:
    Ol’ Dave wasn’t wearing his sheet!”

  94. “Ignore all the agonized groans
    From the classroom,” said Principal Jones.
    “A Standardized Test
    Is the method that’s best
    To make useful and ignorant drones.”

  95. “Gee, these Texas school textbooks are great!
    Let’s use them in every state!
    Now, ev’ryone: look
    In your Chemistry book
    At Leviticus 12, 5 through 8…”

  96. Dave Johnson says:

    Now Marco is feeling the heat;
    He just doesn’t know how to beat
    His rivals who know
    You can’t steal the show
    With bullshit that’s stuck in repeat.


    Did you hear that crazy beat?
    It makes me want to move my feet!
    We can do the jive
    It’s only five
    Ooops! I forgot, it’s time to eat!

  98. 1960’s TYPING CLASS

    Miss Jones:”All pinkies on A-A-A-”
    Then “Left third finger on E-E-E
    Now with my computer
    I need a clever tutor
    So the letters won’t abruptly fly AWAAAAAY!


    I must say I’m totally beat
    Grocery shopping with hubby, Pete
    He gets everything wrong
    But still schleps along
    Buying chicken instead of meat


    Back in the 50’s, the teachers were great
    One might even say they were surely first-rate
    They were very smart
    Bless their heart
    But the seams in their stockings were never straight

  101. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When writing a lim’rick that’s neat
    Watch your rhythm, your tempo, your beat
    Along with your rhyme
    Check it out one more time
    Before posting it, don’t just repeat.

    First write it all out on a sheet
    After reading instructions complete
    Near the top of this page
    Do a click and engage
    Of Mad’s “How to Write” one (no big feat!)

    Then in time , you won’t feel such defeat
    As you properly write and compete
    Extra effort pays off
    As your lim’rick takes off
    ‘Cause you’ll soon win the contest, how sweet!

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    A drummer should know how to beat
    All the heads, even some with his feet.
    Adding rat-a-tat-tats
    When he’s tapping the hats
    While he sits on a throne for a seat.

  103. Dave Johnson says:

    That Trump University stink
    Might be bigger than most people think.
    Allegations of fraud
    Are increasingly broad;
    The namesake could land in the clink.

  104. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a zombie named Pete,
    A drummer who had a complete
    Lack of talent, and so
    As you probably know,
    His friends would all call him Deadbeat.

  105. Kirk Miller says:

    She’s a teacher of music, a tutor,
    With a nickname that really does suit her.
    It is very well-known
    That she farts when alone,
    So they call her a private tooter.

  106. Kirk Miller says:

    At math, pirate’s way above par.
    He said to his teacher named Char,
    “The circumference, you see,
    Of a circle must be
    An equation that reads 2 pi arrrrrr!”

  107. Byron Ives says:

    She taught law, and practiced in Wheeling
    Her client was on trial for stealing
    Found guilty! Oh My!
    Then her hand touched his thigh,
    Soon after, he found her appealing

  108. Suzanne Heymann says:

    But this law-teaching woman from Wheeling
    Lost his case, so you’d think he’d be reeling
    But it seems he cares more
    That he’ll possibly score
    From the hand on his thigh that he’s feeling.

  109. Marty McCullen says:

    I’ve always tried hard to look neat.
    It’s hard to do, dressed in a sheet.
    But sometimes I cough,
    And the sheet falls off.
    I end up as red as a beet.

  110. Marty McCullen says:

    My Cardinals cannot be beat
    When traveling down baseballs street.
    But sometimes they lose,
    And I toss my shoes.
    It is really hard on my feet.

  111. My senior neighbors always repeat
    The very same things each time we meet
    They complain of pains
    Misplace their canes
    Otherwise they’re hard to beat

  112. My son had a college education
    And was honored with awards at graduation
    We were so proud
    We cheered out loud
    He works close by at the new gas station

  113. Ian Graham says:

    Thrash wheat if it’s bread you would eat.
    Flail rice for a granular treat.
    Is smoothness your dream?
    Then try whipping cream.
    But for sweetness you cannot beat beet.

  114. Tim James says:

    The philosophy class had him beat.
    “I don’t like abstract concepts!” he’d bleat.
    “I Kant grasp them at all!”
    He then punched a brick wall.
    That abstraction’s now much more concrete.

  115. Byron Ives says:

    A teacher’s aide known as Ms. Hardees
    Would screw for a glass of Bacardi’s
    For just half a glass
    You could diddle her ass
    And save your Bacardi’s for parties

  116. Byron Ives says:

    Oh yes! He was reeling in Wheeling
    Yet there was that primeval feeling
    Her hand on his thigh
    Made blood flow to ‘ONE EYE’
    Which he had some trouble concealing

    The judge, quite aware of the scene
    Said: “Son, you’re only eighteen,
    I know you’re not bad
    Remorse can be had,
    To chambers! I’ll help you come clean.”

  117. Byron Ives says:

    Little Johnny grew up and sold meat
    His shop had beef tongue to pig’s feet
    But still, true to form
    His new sign caused a storm:

  118. Byron Ives says:

    A science professor, Miss Bries,
    Had B.O. like Limburger cheese
    In the lab habitats
    The dissection rats
    Were even beginning to wheeze

  119. Byron Ives says:

    In bio. lab, Gloria Schwerner
    Oft tooted, which didn’t concern her
    But after a flash
    Turned her lab coat to ash,
    She pointed away from the burner

  120. Byron Ives says:

    A history teacher, Miss Lowes
    Could not resist picking her nose
    She really looked crass
    In front of her class,
    Proboscally speaking, that blows

  121. Dave Johnson says:

    They met on a gallery walk;
    Then went to a cafe to talk.
    She thought he was nice
    And texted him twice;
    But he was all backboard – no chalk.

  122. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Re: Byron Ives law teacher from Wheeling

    This law teacher’s tactics were ruthless
    Showed the boy’s naïve innocence, youthness
    She got a bit sleazy
    Knew Judge would go easy
    On petty theft, though it was truthless.

    Sneaky TRICKS? I do think that she planned some
    Was the lad she seduced somewhat handsome?
    And was justice betrayed?
    Did her client get laid?
    Was the judge maybe paid a king’s ransom?

  123. Byron Ives says:

    RE: Suzanne Heymann
    The continuing saga. Yup, many’s gettin’ boned.

    The courtroom all started to slobber
    For the handsome young lad with the throbber
    With them licking lip
    Away he did slip
    Now he’s out! (and a much improved robber…)

    While he was never short of ambition,
    He knew thievery was his mission,
    So, for even more loot
    He stole a new suit
    And now he’s a politician

  124. 1960’S EDUCATION

    I had a college education
    When women encountered frustration
    We had no choice
    And certainly no voice
    Till our jobs caused from “brain expiration”

  125. Mad Please change
    Till our jobs CAUSED, instead of ACHED in above limerick

    Thank You


  126. SENIOR DANCE #2
    Oh how I love that crazy beat
    It makes me want to shake my feet
    We danced all night
    Till the early light
    I went home and soaked in “You’re Obsolete”

  127. Suzanne Heymann says:

    RE: Byron Ives
    This is getting juicy

    Politician? Please give us a name!
    We’ve got to have someone to blame
    Unravel the mystery
    Check out his history
    Time to link crime with some shame.

    My own guess might be too lame-duck
    ‘Cause I’m just a li’l ole’ Canuck
    U.S. news on campaigning
    Is so entertaining
    The soap opera’s gaining some pluck.

  128. Allen Wilcox says:

    If you really love to compete,
    If you’re looking for someone to beat
    Regardless of cost,
    If all appears lost,
    Then you’re looking for some way to cheat.

  129. Suzanne Heymann says:

    All teaching jobs I would neglect
    And a big wage would have no effect
    I just can’t spend a minute
    With rotten brats in it
    ‘Cause most of them have no respect.

    I would rather have menstrual cramps
    Over dealing with hell-raising champs
    The strap would be fine
    To keep bad kids in line
    Schools should be refined into boot camps.

    (yeah, I’m a bitch, I know… gotta love me!)
    (I was a school bus driver at one point – my inspiration)
    (actually, the kids weren’t too bad… I scared them!)

  130. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the EDUCATION-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners:

    Limerick-Off Award 247.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun:

    Limerick-Off Vent.