Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAND at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using LAND at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A consultant was hoping to land
A restaurant client whose brand
Had been tarnished by scandal;
Its chef was a vandal
Who went nuts when his cooking was panned.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

64 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAND at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Diane Groothuis says:

    A chap knew the lay of the land
    She was ugly but very well tanned
    And she said to him “Honey
    I just want your money”
    So he drew a line in the sand.

  2. David Reddekopp says:

    A man had less supply than demand
    And he’d had it to here with his hand
    So he said, when he found
    The best hooker around:
    “I’m loving the lay of the land!”

  3. Adam Stern says:

    Copland’s opera, “The Tender Land”,
    Was shrugged off by some critics as bland;
    I suppose that they missed an
    Aida or Tristan.
    (All opera needn’t be grand.)

  4. Mark Kane says:

    When he heard she cost over a grand,
    He held back back (this was more than he planned).
    But her pimp made the sale,
    As he did without fail.
    After all she’s the lay of the land.

  5. Mark Kane says:

    McDonald’s new menu was panned,
    But they barked back it’s going as planned.
    When you’re looking for sales,
    Greasy sugar prevails.
    Why not live off the fat of the land?

  6. Judith H. Block says:

    It was quite a skilled slight of hand
    To know where the moved coin would land
    It is a shell game
    And much to his shame
    The mark never did understand.

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    Captain Sully managed to land
    In the Hudson, always in command.
    His plane hit a geese flock
    It was quite a shock
    He’s a hero. Some know that firsthand.

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    We’re all immigrants in this land,
    Alas, most folks don’t understand.
    “Give me your poor and your tired..”
    They want Liberty retired;
    They now want all refugees banned.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    I’m a strange gal within a strange land
    So much now I don’t understand.
    I’m for justice and peace,
    I want suffering to cease…
    Corporate greed has the dominant hand.

  10. Dave Johnson says:

    They travel all over the land
    to enunciate “Just where they stand.”
    It’s a sham through and through;
    For their acolytes who
    Love a circus, so strike up the band!

  11. Pat Benedict Campbell says:

    On the set they told him “you’re canned!”
    His acting was boring and bland
    ‘But what about Connery?”
    “oh, he’s an anomaly
    understandable only in ScotLAND

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    See the spot where the stream meets the land;
    Feel the breeze; watch wildlife, small and grand.
    Each in its place,
    With struggle and grace.
    Breathe it in and you will understand.

  13. Phil Graham says:

    The 50’s were dull, wives still canned
    Flights in space had not ever been manned
    But then Polaroid
    Brought us awe as we toyed
    With those really neat cameras by Land.

    Youngsters, you may need to google Edwin Land. I can still remember my fascination at watching a picture slowly develop right before my eyes!

  14. Diane Groothuis says:

    I live in a broad southern land
    With Kangas, koalas and sand
    And not wishing to boast
    We have a great coast
    Where surfies and bathers get tanned.

  15. I’m hotter than Luke with his cool hand
    My tackle looks curved in a right stand
    I master the bait
    A catch it can wait
    The pun it might sink where it will land

  16. David Reddekopp says:

    An alien spaceship would land
    On Earth; had a search for life planned
    They conducted this search
    At the Westboro church
    “No intelligent life, but it’s manned.”

  17. On stage, umpteen candidates stand
    For the Number One Job of the land.
    Yet each politician
    Has *one* clear position:
    That Parenthood shouldn’t be Planned.

    There’s Donald, Ben, Huckster and Rand…
    Yet civics they don’t understand.
    “We’ve learned,” they explain,
    “How to fly a campaign,
    But we don’t need to learn how to land!”

  18. Pat Benedict Campbell says:

    The Diva screamed “No! I’ve been panned
    I’m the best Auntie Mame in the land”
    Her agent said “Bite me
    you’re coming up Ninety!”
    so he now lives on Heligoland

  19. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    A body of charlatans grand
    Vie to be chief of the land.
    But in making a case
    To their dissolute base
    They fashion an abhorrent brand.

  20. Pat Benedict Campbell says:

    Out fishing her murder was planned
    He wanted a share of her land
    with a smack from the oar
    she would nag him no more
    but right then the boat engine jammed

  21. Pat Benedict Campbell says:

    The Gallery opening was crammed
    with collectors, the best in the land
    kids found the buffet
    stuffed their faces all day
    and poor Dali got buttered and jammed

  22. My favorite part is to land
    I squeeze my husband’s hand

    I hate to fly
    I think I’ll die

    Next time, my dear, we disband

  23. Woody Guthrie said this is my land
    I always give him a hand

    I came here from Cuba
    To play the tuba

    I just love to beat the band

  24. Dave Johnson says:

    A bottle was found in the sand
    With a note from a far-away land.
    “We’ll come to your shore
    Like so many before;
    – But not ’till The Trumpster is canned.”

  25. Pat Benedict Campbell says:

    His poor wife sat hanky in hand
    she hoped the will left her his land
    he wrote books for leisure
    so he left her his treasure
    his faithful old Remington Rand

  26. Phil Graham says:

    At the movie she sure hadn’t plannned
    On the place where her right hand did land
    It was dark, couldn’t see,
    Meant to just pat his knee,
    But he loved it when she stroked his gland.

  27. Phil Graham says:

    Just a banjo, no need for a band
    As the embers of justice he fanned
    Folk music’s more meager
    Since losing Pete Seeger
    He “hammered all over this land.”

  28. David Reddekopp says:

    His work day did not go as planned
    Unemployment is where he would land
    Tried to pick up a chick
    And got kicked in the dick
    That’s the second time that he got canned.

  29. Phil Graham says:

    Cried Gilligan, “Hey, I spy land!”
    In a jiffy the lifeboat was manned
    Though it proved a diversion
    The Minnow’s excursion
    Found nothing but palm trees and sand.

    Oh, my! Ginger’s body was grand!
    Did The Prof ever get “Mary Anned”?
    The Howells and The Skipper
    Remained very chipper
    For reruns, just watch TV-Land.

  30. Tom Harris says:

    Spouting nonsense across the land,
    That guy’s been yelling to beat the band.
    Alas, Mr. Trump,
    That mean, whiny grump,
    Has not been told “Hey, Don, you’re canned!”

  31. Tom Harris says:

    The lothario felt just grand
    When lovely gals were near at hand,
    Til a dame named Amy
    Yelled, “Oh, you’ve shamed me!”
    And sent him to the Promised Land.

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    Frozen O.J.’s firm job I did land,
    But the job didn’t go as I’d planned.
    I could not concentrate,
    So my ultimate fate
    Was, of course, that I quickly was canned.

  33. George Gershwin loved his native land
    With Ira he composed hand in hand

    “Porgy and Bess”
    Was a glorious success

    Black and white, united we stand

  34. David Reddekopp says:

    The gift that we gave her was grand
    She no longer relied on her hand
    On the sofa sat Alice
    With vibrating phallus
    And Alice was in Wonderland.

  35. If a woman will govern this land
    She’ll be the one who’s in command
    On one thing you can rely
    She will positively comply
    With a coiffure by a creative hand

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    A sunbathing couple would land
    On a beach where seclusion was grand.
    They’d doff all their clothes;
    He’d lie on his nose
    And bury his head in the sand.

  37. Diane Groothuis says:

    He came with his hat in his hand
    Apology practiced and planned
    “I am sorry my Dear
    For bruising your ear
    That blowfly was trying to land”

  38. Mad
    Please change”” the one in command to “the one WHO’S in command”

    and with a coiffure by an inventive hand to a coiffure by a “CREATIVE hand ”

    Thank you,
    Lisi Ardissone

    (from MBK: Done.)

  39. We bought an incredible piece of land
    With our agenda perfectly planned:

    To build a house
    (Me and my spouse)

    We’ll only owe one thousand grand!

  40. My husband Steve doesn’t understand
    Why life to me is sometimes bland

    I say, “Leave me alone”
    I cry; I groan

    “Can’t you see I’m in Depression Land?”

  41. Tim James says:

    Dr. Frankenstein searched through the land
    For each muscle, limb, organ and gland.
    Yet his beast makes no fist;
    Both arms end at the wrist.
    Ain’t he great, folks? Let’s give him a hand!

  42. There are those who think life is grand
    not caring on where the dice land
    but when I gaze ’round,
    there’s dog turds abound
    so I look before I shake my hand.

  43. In ’55 I was born in Disney Land
    In those days the world was grand

    My parents just celebrated their big 4-0
    Now I’m 60; how the time does go

    Kudos to a pregnancy totally unplanned

  44. Dave Johnson says:

    It’s not what the G.O.P. planned
    When they plotted to conquer the land.
    Their “really deep bench”
    Caught up in the stench
    Of a swamp called the Donald Trump brand.

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    A nutritionist did as she planned
    When she made the first month twenty grand.
    Markets dieting fads
    To obese moms and dads;
    Claims she lives off the fat of the land.

  46. Correction:

    When I was born it was grand
    ’55 in Disney Land

    My parents celebrated their big 4-0
    Now I’m 60; where does the time go?

    Kudos to a pregnancy surprisingly unplanned!

  47. Correction:

    My husband doesn’t understand
    Why my life is sometimes bland

    I say “Leave me alone”
    (I cry and I groan)

    Can’t you see I’m in Depression Land?”

  48. Phil Graham says:

    There’s a fence that surrounds my farm’s land
    Signs are posted: ALL HUNTING IS BANNED!
    Once a week, catch some poacher
    Ask, “Which part of ‘NO’ sir,
    Do you seem to not understand?”

  49. The Pope visits US as planned
    and neocons fear where he’ll stand
    on immigration
    given Catholic fixation
    on Moses and the Promised Land.

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    John Boehner could no longer stand
    The stresses of leading a band
    Who’s wanted to rule
    With pitchforks and drool
    Stampeding all over the land.


    My favorite part is when we land
    I squeeze my husband’s muscular hand
    I hate to fly
    cause I think I’ll die
    Next time, my dear, we must disband


    My favorite part is when we land
    I squeeze my husband’s muscular hand
    I hate to fly
    cause I think I’ll die
    Next time, my dear, we must disband

  53. We bought some incredible land
    Our agenda was perfectly planned
    To build a nice house
    (Both me and my spouse)
    We’ll only owe one thousand grand

  54. We waited for the plane to land
    To introduce Cheryl; she’s oh so grand


    Who claims he can’t recall our one night stand!

  55. Fred Bortz says:

    A Paean to the Pirates

    My favorite spot in the land
    Is the town where the Bucs take a stand.
    So bring on the Cards,
    And we’ll blast them to shards
    On the way to the Series. How grand!

  56. “Game of Thrones”? In the war for the land,
    The bloodshed gets so out of hand
    That my peter and dinklage
    Experience shrinklage…
    In *my* house, the program is banned!

    (Uh-oh — I hope nobody’s offended by my comparing a fine dwarf actor to shrunken genitalia. It suddenly occurred to me after I wrote it that the comparison might not be apt. Sorry. I have nothing better to offer this week.)

  57. (slight variation on the rhyme)

    Some say Schumann’s “Kennst du das Land”
    Should be sung by a cool blue-eyed blonde.
    Well, to hell with the Germans —
    For it’s Ethel Merman’s
    Performance of which I’m most fond.

  58. Allen Wilcox says:

    He considered his testicles grand –
    Quite clearly the best in the land.
    Then again, he supposed,
    He should leave them exposed
    To make sure they were properly tanned.

  59. Allen Wilcox says:

    His parents were quite frantic and
    Told their son not to do what he planned
    Said the son, undeterred,
    “It’s a boy thing, my word.
    Now please leave me alone with my gland.”

    But they cried, “Oh please no! Oh my land!
    We just can’t let this bathroom door stand.”
    “Don’t fret Mom and Dad,”
    He replied. “Just be glad
    I have everything swell in hand.”

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    The Volkswagen notion was grand;
    Their diesel would never be bland.
    But nobody knew
    The pollution they’d spew
    Now hovers all over the land.

  61. THE AMERICAN DREAM revised

    Buy a lovely plot of land
    Get your blueprints perfectly planned

    Build a house
    With your spouse

    Get a divorce; it’s time to disband

  62. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    Those folks who’ve been might understand
    Vacations to Disneyworld/ Land
    With air, car, inns, admissions
    Costing college tuitions
    For long lines in the heat? Mousetrap banned

  63. Cynthia Kennedy says:

    I really don’t think that Donald Trump can,
    Be the best president of this land.
    Just because he’s a billionaire,
    Doesn’t mean that he’ll be there,
    When we all need him to take a stand.

  64. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 232.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Chow and Ciao.