Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DASH at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “DASH” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Be forewarned that it’s reckless and rash
To run around flaunting your cash.
And if miscreants spot
All the money you’ve got,
I sure hope that you’ve mastered the dash.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , ,

104 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DASH at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Adam Stern says:

    I placed first in the hundred-yard dash.
    (Left the slow-pokes behind with panache.)
    But my joy evanesced
    When I found out the best
    Received praise, but not one cent of cash.

  2. Phil Graham says:

    By the goal posts she waved from her Nash
    I thought, “Great! Gonna get me some gash!”
    I arrived, loins on fire
    But ’twas just a flat tire
    What a waste of a hundred yard dash.

  3. Phil Graham says:

    A dad gave his teen son a lash
    Also grounded him, cut off his cash
    Kid had cleaned the wet spot
    Tossed the condoms he’d bought
    But had missed her footprints on pop’s dash.

  4. Kirk Miller says:

    On the top of my head is a gash
    Where my hair disappeared in a flash.
    Hair falls out in a race
    Up away from my face.
    To us men, it is called balderdash.

  5. Adam Stern says:

    To a cheesy flick billed “Slash ‘n’ Gash”
    I’m the least likely person to dash.
    I don’t mind films with blood
    If they’re top-notch, not crud…
    Think of classics like “Psycho” or “M*A*S*H”.

  6. David Reddekopp says:

    The man would appear in a flash
    And across any venue, would dash
    People thought him unique
    And they called him “The Streak”
    But with Ethel, he sure made a splash.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    He thought that he cut quite a dash;
    He was famous, had oodles of cash.
    But his tie was bright red,
    While the hair on his head
    Was bright orange, a horrible clash.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The vampire had been rather rash,
    And he’d thrown the girls out with the trash.
    When the villagers came
    To put paid to his game,
    “Excuse me”, he said, “I must –”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    She was sprawled with her feet on the dash,
    And the couple were starting to thrash.
    They’d forgotten the brake,
    Ended up in the lake –
    In the papers, they made quite a splash.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the hooker, “I fear I must dash
    All your hopes if you’re thinking to splash
    In my mouth, or to screw
    In the other place, too …
    Unless you can pay extra cash.”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the Duke of Northampton: “Oh, dash!
    I have come out without any cash.
    Can I write you a cheque?”
    And the hooker said “Heck!
    You’re my first Duke – I’ll give it a bash.”

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    The criminal made a mad dash
    With an undisclosed sum of bank cash
    But as a robber he flops,
    He ran into the cops,
    And was quickly relieved of his stash!

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    A scoundrel, both handsome and brash
    Could bed a girl, quick as a flash.
    He’d charm and seduce,
    Then with rotten excuse
    Disappear from her life in a dash!

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    Some think Trump is so handsome and brash
    But with all his wealth, he’s still white trash
    A bigoted fool
    He’s uninformed and uncool,
    He’s nothing but slick balder- dash.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    Get some Yukon potatoes to mash,
    Olive oil, and some garlic to smash.
    Steam potatoes, combine.
    It will taste just divine;
    Salt to taste, and black pepper, a dash.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    The guy saw them and made a wild dash,
    He was smitten by hot Times Square trash.
    The desnudas attracted,
    He over-reacted.
    The pimps brought him down in a flash.

  17. Lee says:

    Lines 1,2 and 5 must rhyme with dash
    so how can line 3 and 4 not clash
    or be anything worthwhile
    when they’re only going to beguile
    and lead the rhythm and meter to crash.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    My true, fervent hopes, never dash,
    My amorous dreams never smash,
    Such care I enjoy
    Oh, please don’t destroy.
    Oh, don’t let my heart ever crash.

  19. Poor Dorothy, youthful and rash,
    Took a lover with plenty of cash.
    But re-Morse she soon showed
    For this breach of her Code;
    “I’m sorry,” cried Dot, “I must Dash!”

  20. Now add angostura — a dash;
    A soupçon. A mere smidgen. A splash.
    A jot. A wee little…
    No, NO! Not a *tittle*!
    (Good God — throw it all in the trash…)

  21. Through big bolts of fabric they’ll slash,
    Then the needle they’ll wield with panache.
    They’ll sew ’til it hurts
    Making fine tailored shirts…
    It’s the Men’s 50-Yard HaberDash.

  22. Adam Stern says:

    Though Jack Warner was brilliant with cash,
    He could turn rare first names into hash.
    When his firm engaged Hammett
    He blanched and said, “Damn it —
    “D’you mind if I just call you ‘Dash’?”

  23. Adam Stern says:

    (Re the above: Dashiell Hammett, author of the novels “The Maltese Falcon” and “The Thin Man” [among others], wrote the screenplays for three Warner Bros. releases: “After the Thin Man”, “Shadow of the Thin Man” and “Watch on the Rhine”.)

  24. cphenly says:

    Exclamation point has some panache,
    While the question mark’s not very brash.
    The ellipsis had dropped
    While the period stopped
    And the hyphen said “I’ve got to dash.”

  25. Diane Groothuis says:

    She wore all her clothes with panache
    And kept all her gold in a stash
    But when some cool dude
    Was out to be rude
    She’d start flashing: “Dot Dot Dot Dash Dash…”

  26. Though the cop won’t do anything rash
    With a camera stuck to his dash,
    Later on he might well
    Find you dead in your cell
    From an unexplained cranial bash…

  27. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The restaurant meal’s a hit smash
    But Bonnie’s dear Clyde had no cash
    “I do hate to say it
    But we just can’t pay it
    Let’s pull the old trick – dine and dash!”

  28. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Pedestrians got struck in a crash
    The driver sped on, made a dash
    His tires, they spun
    That old hit and run
    Hit a tree, broke his spine, got whiplash.

  29. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Potatoes are so fun to mash
    Add butter, some salt – just a dash
    But silly old Davy
    Just drowns it in gravy
    Which covers his beard and moustache.

  30. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The garbage truck’s here – make a dash!
    Forgot to take out the darn trash?
    Start running there, Hubby
    As you’re a bit chubby
    Then you’ll lose some weight in a flash.

  31. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The runaway bride made a dash
    And left the groom hung by his sash
    While hung from the ceiling
    The old bride was feeling
    Another oncoming hot flash.

  32. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A mountain that’s got diaper rash
    About to spew volcanic ash
    With lava a-flowing
    Means get the hell going
    Get far and away – make a dash!

  33. The data breach surely will dash
    The plans of that cheating site, “Ash-
    ley Madison”. Though
    They’ve a new site, you know:
    “OSCAR Madison — knee-deep in trash!”

    (“Feed Your ‘Unger…”)

  34. Cynthia Kennedy says:

    Take the potatoes and give them a mash.

    Get the salt and use only a dash.

    Now, pour in the milk,

    Make certain it’s silk,

    And don’t put in, but put out the trash.

  35. Adam Stern says:

    Like obscure Baroque? Listen, sehr rasch,
    To some music by Johann F. Fasch.
    You could get (Mad Kane’s game
    Permits mangling his name)
    A recording by Celibidache.

  36. Sylvia Fairley says:

    A furious patient said ‘Dash!
    Exodontists have taken my cash;
    The dental extraction
    Deprived me of action,
    It left me with no teeth to gnash.’

  37. Adam Stern says:

    (The controversial Romanian conductor Sergiu Celibidache’s name is properly pronounced “Tcheh – leh – bee – DAHK – eh”, but has been subjected to all manner of pronunciations over the years. All’s fair in a limerick war.)

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    My old man got quite stoned on hash
    Then totalled the car in a crash
    Got banged up in gaol
    Due to driving test fail
    And complained “Is my bong gone? Oh dash!”

  39. Sylvia Fairley says:

    He was lustful, decided to dash
    Off to find an amour – she was trash;
    She performed in his closet,
    Received his deposit,
    Then scarpered with all of his cash.

  40. Phil Graham says:

    Pronunciations (for Adam Stern and other serious music fans):

    Vaughan Williams’ first name it was Ralph,
    But how he pronounced makes me chalph.
    For he dropped out the “L”
    Spoke the “A” long as well,
    So say it as “Rafe” to be salph.

    An English composer wrote well,
    But some critics don’t think him so swell.
    They slam him, what’s worse’ll
    Pronounce his name PURS-ell,
    Most likely he said it “pur-SELL.”

  41. Sylvia Fairley says:

    A fellow who went for a crash-
    course in code displayed little panache,
    He failed in his quest
    When he couldn’t spell ‘breast’
    And settled for dash, dot-dot, dash.

  42. Tim James says:

    The Mexicans, hoping to dash
    All our hopes, caused this stock market crash!
    Their designs we must fear!
    It’s been ever so clear
    Since I got into Donald Trump’s stash.

  43. John Armstrong says:

    I hate ending lines with a dash
    Not thinking them out is so rash
    Semicolons make me squirm
    A tilda’s just a worm
    But the thought’s incomplete, so I –

  44. Adam Stern says:

    Mr. Graham: My thanks for your stash
    Of composer-name limericks. Dash,
    Though, I must any as-
    Inine thoughts I like class-
    Ical only: I love Johnny Cash!

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh how my lover has such panache
    He makes all the others look like trash

    We heard a door creak
    I said “quietly sneak”

    There’s the door; now quick, go DASH!

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    On a note pad I quickly did dash
    A note to hubby to bring home some cash

    He asked, “What is it for?”
    I said, “a new home decor”

    It didn’t go over like a ginormous splash.

  47. Variations on “Celibidache”
    — or —
    Phil Speed A-Stern: It Sergiu Right

    (for Adam and Phil)

    On eBay one time, I got lucky:
    Bought a porcelain duck from Kentucky!
    But the pain in my pants is,
    Reduced circumstances
    Have forced me to… sell eBay ducky.

    He attempted in love to instruct himself,
    But he didn’t know how to conduct himself.
    Advances he’ll make
    From his celibate ache…
    (But the girls say they’d rather he fucked himself).

    Aki’s stint as conductor was rocky.
    Through it all, though, he tried to stay cocky.
    Said he, “It’s all right…
    The musicians don’t bite!”
    Which was true — ’til the celli bit Aki.


    John Dunstable asked for a copy
    Of his work from a scribe — who was sloppy,
    And who wrote on the label:
    Which made the composer get stroppy.

  49. (All out of competition, naturally.)

  50. David Reddekopp says:

    There once was a con man, quite brash
    We’d invest in his ventures, he’d dash
    For he found all his fame
    Living up to his name
    When he Madoff with all of our cash.

  51. Jon Gearhart says:

    To the resources kept in my cache
    Of books, I ran off in a dash,
    Grabbed “The Knowledge of Ages”
    And thumbed through its pages–
    Turned “Water” to “Wine” in a flash…

  52. Brian Allgar says:

    Will, here’s another one that’s ‘hors concours’:

    Thomas Tallis was rather deterred
    When they told him his piece was absurd.
    “Though it’s written with craft,
    Your motet is quite daft –
    Forty voices?” They gave him the Byrd.

    (Tallis’s motet ‘Spem in alium’ is composed in forty parts.)

  53. Brian Allgar says:

    … and another

    A composer called Henry Purcell
    Thought an opera for dogs would do well.
    He meant to write ‘Fido’;
    Instead, he wrote ‘Dido’.
    Aeneas, his pup, thought it hell.

  54. Adam Stern says:

    For my new-found buddies (and thank you all for your splendid limericks on the subject of British music!):

    Edward Elgar, committed to closing
    England’s decades-long musical dozing,
    Asked himself, “Why this stigma?
    It’s such an enigma –”
    He stopped short, and started composing.

  55. Brian Allgar says:

    But returning to Celibidache,
    He fell foul of some coppers’ malarkey.
    “Seemed to us ’e was black” –
    They were racist, alack! –
    “So ’e’s locked in a cell, ’e be darky.”

    P. S. Phil Graham, I’ve only just spotted your pieces. Very good, especially RVW.

    P.P.S. Madeleine, I hope you don’t feel your site has been hijacked!

  56. Brian Allgar says:

    P.P.P.S. Ooops! I also somehow overlooked Adam – good stuff!

  57. Brian Allgar says:

    “Malt whisky? Yes, please, a good splash –
    A bit more, if you don’t think me brash.
    I could drink by the gallon
    This splendid Macallan,
    But soda? Not even a dash!”

  58. An editor once had a clash
    with a writer in love with the dash-
    in a period’s place-
    or a comma’s set space-
    while Ed.’s teeth made a qualified gnash-

  59. madkane says:

    I’ve been enjoying the music-related limericks by Adam Stern, Will Laughlin, Phil Graham, and Brian Allgar, even though many don’t use this week’s rhyme word.

    And re Brian’s comment: “Madeleine, I hope you don’t feel your site has been hijacked:” As long as most of the limericks here follow the contest rules, I have no problem at all if you sometimes veer off into some limerick repartee about music or other topics.

    And of course I have a special weakness for music and literature-related limericks.

    So feel free to carry on. :)

  60. Adam Stern says:

    My thanks, and a question, Ms. Kane:
    You have sanctioned our non-“dash”-ing vein
    And not given a paddlin’.
    Now — do you say “MADeleine”,
    Or is it pronounced “MadeLEINE”?

  61. Jon Gearhart says:

    To make my heart ache, please come dash
    To my place at full pace. In a flash,
    At the base of this tree,
    Wrap your arms around me,
    Grasping tightly my flowering ash.

  62. Jon Gearhart says:

    Just a limerick or two I can dash
    Off right now, then I’m off in a flash,
    The weeks have gone quickly
    And I have been sickly,
    Burnt out (but no lack of pun ash.)

  63. madkane says:

    I’m not stern, Mr. Stern, as you see.
    I enjoy all good lim’ricks with glee,
    And I’m sad when they’re bad.
    Oh and please call me “Mad.”
    To go longer, a “paddlin'” rhyme’s key.

  64. Adam Stern says:

    Our verses survived Mad Kane’s scrutiny
    Though off-topic (she didn’t refute any!).
    We respect her too much
    To initiate such
    A monstrosity as a Kane Mutiny.

  65. Fred Bortz says:

    In Asgard, when Norse heroes clash,
    They settle their feud with a brash
    Track and field competition.
    Yes, their personal mission
    Is to win the well-known Baldur Dash.

  66. Phil Graham says:

    With Mad’s imprimatur, I’ll dash
    Off these lines as if wanting a sash
    To drape o’er my right shoulder
    Which reads, “Mr. Bolder”
    (I’m speaking of 5-liners brash.)

    Told a date, “I will settle your hash,
    Pull your pants down, I’ll warm up your gash.”
    And, lickety-split,
    I then sprinkled her clit
    With Tabasco (but only a dash.)

    (I felt I should rejoin the contest before posting any more on composers.)

  67. Phil Graham says:

    I’ve really enjoyed the musical ripostes from Mssrs. Allgar, Laughlin and Stern! Sticking with Brits…

    Edward Elgar chose not to chase fads —
    Wrote Romantic-style works by the scads
    Though “Enigma Variations”
    Gets played in all nations,
    Rubes know just that march trod by grads.

    The great Englishman, Gustav Holst,
    Was known not to brag or to bolst
    Found a wife (had to whoop at her,)
    Then finished off ‘Jupiter,’
    “The Planets” is what I like molst.

  68. Adam Stern says:

    By “The Planets” most ev’ryone’s smitten;
    The “Enigma” bug’s many folks bitten.
    But, oh, what a great ride
    Is “The Young Person’s Guide”
    Of redoubtable Benjamin Britten!

  69. Phil Graham says:

    And then there’s Britten’s “War Requiem,” aka ‘The Dead Person’s Guide to the Orchestra.’

  70. Adam Stern says:

    Yet more on British music…

    Bliss and Howells are worth your attention;
    Gerald Finzi, too, merits a mention.
    I don’t care much for Delius —
    Too touchy-feely; Us
    Anglophiles need SOME abstention.


    I can’t Stanford much more… but I must
    Be a part of the Parry and thrust!
    Mad should’ve been Searle-y
    And cut us off early,
    Before we could Tippett and bust!

    (Humphrey Searle: British serial composer, wrote the music for the film “The Haunting”)


    I see, by the lim’rick he’s written,
    By the Britten bug Adam’s been bitten.
    A recording by Pears
    Is a treat for the ears —
    Then you’ll know what they mean by “great Britten”.



    If I say I’m not jealous, I’m lyin’ —
    I doubt that it’s even worth tryin’,
    When each ditty I dare
    To compose must compare
    To 32 great ones by Brian!

    (Havergal Brian [1876 – 1972] wrote 32 symphonies, most after the age of 80
    Brian Allgar, on the other hand, needs no introduction)


    J.K. Rowling? I almost forgot her!
    For in musical life ‘cross the water
    There’s a Potter, quite fond
    Of his long, wooden wand —
    But the Warlock was *Peter*, not Potter.

    (Cipriani Potter [1792 – 1871], British composer and conductor
    Peter Warlock [1894-1930], aka Philip Heseltine, British composer and critic)

    (I sent this one to Adam the other day, not realizing how long the theme would continue:)

    Max the critic, in vicious attacks,
    Called the group “Phil-whore-monic”. Wrote Max,
    “The reason is this:
    They were faking their Bliss,
    And they always go flat on their Bax!”

  72. Phil Graham says:

    Alford wrote “Colonel Bogey,” not swill
    And Art Sullivan’s songs bring a thrill
    I’d try one on Handel
    But can’t hold a candel
    To Adam and Brian and Will.


    This man was a Brit for a bit (1901-1914)

    Born Aussie, the great Percy Grainger
    Sailed to Frankfurt, then London, what dainger!
    He needn’t ask pardons
    For his “Country Gardens”
    ‘Cause “Lincolnshire Posy” was strainger.
    (But charming!)

  73. OK, one more, and then I promise I’m finished with this Proms concert —

    In the tavern, John Taverner’s sunk
    In his chair, indisputably drunk.
    The composer from Lincoln
    Is finished with drinkin’:
    His head hits the bar with a thunk.

    Fast-forward four hundred years later,
    When John’s woken up by a waiter.
    He finds, to his shame,
    That the ‘r’ in his name
    Has been stolen by some wicked traitor!

    (John Taverner [1490 – 1545]; John Tavener [1944 – 2013])

  74. Adam Stern says:

    Let’s salute herewith Walton, a master,
    Whose creations make hearts to beat faster.
    His “Façade”, bright and cheery, ‘ll
    Charm. “Crown Imperial”
    Threatens a concert-hall’s plaster.

  75. Phil Graham says:

    Another Aussie ex-pat
    Arthur Benjamin’s “Storm Cloud Cantata”
    Made Doris Day scream in vibrata
    I should mention in passin’
    She stopped an assassin
    I guess if ya gotta, ya gotta.
    “Storm” was the piece being played at Albert Hall in “The Man Who Knew Too Much.”

  76. Adam Stern says:

    Our survey is herewith appended:
    Gerard Schurmann is most recommended.
    His chamber and choral
    Works yield rewards aural;
    The six “Bacon Studies” are splendid.


  77. @11:44

    And Walton’s First Symphony’s proof
    That our Adam is speaking the troof.
    An additional hazard:
    One it’s been ‘Belshazzar’-ed,
    That concert hall needs a new roof.

  78. Adam Stern says:

    Further to Phil’s last (and even within the bounds of this week’s contest strictures!):

    The assassin in question was brash
    In assuming the cymbalist’s crash
    Would conceal his foul crime,
    But Day’s scream forced the slime-
    Bag to flee (one might say: Nalder-dash!).

    (The would-be assassin in Hitchcock’s 1956 remake of “The Man Who Knew Too Much” was portrayed by Reggie Nalder.)

  79. (I find myself raiding the trash
    For a scrap that might help me to dash
    Off a decent submission
    That’s *in* competition,
    Or Mad may well settle my hash.)

  80. Adam Stern says:

    (I attempted in vain to attach a few YouTube links to Mr. Schurmann’s compositions, but apparently one cannot do so as part of a submission. Curious readers are directed to explore his “Six Studies of Francis Bacon” and “Vatiants”, for starters.)

    Note From Mad Kane: Posts with URLS end up in the spam file automatically. I fished that post out and added HTML code to each of your four links and approved the post. So if you scroll down, you’ll see them now. (I also deleted your duplicate limerick.)

  81. (Adam —

    One further remark I’ll be makin’:
    That survey was hardly worth takin’.
    I’m a sure man indeed
    Of my personal creed,
    Namely: everything’s better with Bacon.)

  82. Adam Stern says:

    Ugh…”Variants”, not “Vatiants.” (Where’s that second cup of coffee?)

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    My lover, Jon, made a mad dash
    He heard a sound; he was gone in a flash

    He went out the wrong door
    And made a beeline for

    Our newly installed pool and made quite a splash

  84. Phil Graham says:

    I didn’t know nuthin’ of Schurmann
    But I do know that old Bernard Herrmann
    Wrote much music for Hitch
    With dark leitmotifs which
    Told us what characters were the vermin.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    My recipe for delicious hash
    Meat, potatoes: give it a good mash

    A little different for hubby, however
    As a cook I must say I’m very clever

    A few more spices and arsenic: just a dash

  86. Adam Stern says:

    To Mad: Thank you for your kind and responsible stewardship.

    To Will:

    The “Bacon” remark gave release
    To some giggles. Your hammy caprice
    Has me pondering that
    Which links music and fat…
    Think I’ll go play the soundtrack to “Grease.”

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    I never, ever, use “the dash”
    Even though it has panache

    I’m quite the scholar
    And I work at the funeral parlor

    I’ve seen enough of them to give me a RASH!!

  88. Lisi Nortman says:


    I never ever use the dash
    Even though it has panache

    I’m quite a scholar
    I work at the funeral parlor

    I’ve seen enough of them to give me a rash

  89. Brian Allgar says:

    While working in Denmark, John Dowland
    Thought a diet of herrings was foul, and
    His craving for beef
    Brought a sense of relief
    On returning to good English cow-land.

  90. Allen Wilcox says:

    The five-liner form is not rash.
    The meter and rhyming don’t clash.
    It has rules we adore,
    But I might note one more –
    A lim’rick can’t end with a –

  91. Allen Wilcox says:

    A spriinter was far from a smash.
    His speed was still-life, not a flash.
    To win, not in the cards.
    He took fifty yards
    To finish the forty-yard dash.

  92. Brian Allgar says:

    “A blowjob? OK”, said the ho,
    “You’re my john.” But he told her “No, no!
    You have got it all wrong –
    What I want is a song,
    Not a job, by composer John Blow.”

  93. @Brian

    On returning to England, John Dowland
    Made high beef consumption his goal, and
    That diet (with cheese)
    Brought the man to his knees,
    Full-stomached, but also full-coloned.

    (From evidence such as the title “Semper Dowland, Semper Dolens”, musicologists disagree about the 16th century pronunciation of “Dowland”)

  94. Allen Wilcox says:

    Said the mom,”I’m trying not to dash
    Your hopes, but vaccines may be trash.”
    The doctor, so kind
    Said “Keep open your mind,
    And please don’t do anything rash.”

  95. Brian Allgar says:

    For Calliope, Ares was brash;
    “Sex? No time!” Off to war he would dash.
    But she finally scored
    When she offered a gourd
    To Apollo, who gave Cal a bash.

  96. Brian Allgar says:


    I once came across an absurd French article claiming that Dowland was actually a French composer whose original name was “Jean Delande”. I can no longer find the article – it was presumably considered so silly that there was no place for it even on the Internet.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was in such a frantic mad dash
    That I fell into a bag of trash

    What an adventure
    I found my denture

    Now I can eat corned beef and hash

  98. Brian Allgar says:

    A remarkable talent was Tippett’s,
    Though a critic was given to quip: “It’s
    A thing that annoyed
    Me – ‘King Priam’ des-Troyed
    By composing the whole thing in snippets.”

    (“Criticism focused on its abrasive musical idiom, which entailed breaking up the orchestra into a multiplicity of soloists and ensembles. Not everyone then realised the relevance of this, and its mosaic-like formal structure, to Tippett’s Brechtian handling of the presentation.”)

  99. Adam Stern says:

    Most new music? I say, you can chuck it;
    So much minimalist mundane muck, it.
    I don’t get the commotion
    That met “Become Ocean”,
    A musical drop-in-the-bucket.

  100. Adam Stern says:

    If you want to have a screamingly good time, and don’t know of these already, seek out the online essays on music of Dr. David Wright. His denunciations of Elgar and Britten are a great place to start.

  101. The Donald has cut quite a dash
    With “Nutjobs” who follow his trash.
    As he preens and bloviates,
    Do they really share his hates,
    Or are they impressed with his cash.

  102. Allen Wilcox says:

    The minister added a dash
    Of sex, although nothing too rash.
    “If you liked my uplift,
    Please consider a gift.
    Contributions are only in cash.”

  103. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 228.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Maze, Maize, Amaze.

  104. There once was a writer from Cheshire
    Who was desperate for riches and treasure
    Now her brain’s filled with poor rhymes
    And badly-behaved lines
    And she’s abandoned all hope for some leisure.

    When marking children’s English essays, Hallelujahs and loud yodellays!