Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RATE or IRATE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “RATE” or “IRATE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow was growing irate
On a date with a gal who’d debate
Over politics, food–
What she hates or finds crude.
They agreed on just this: date not great.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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95 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RATE or IRATE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. David Reddekopp says:

    Fred Phelps thought that all should be straight
    Homosexuals made him irate
    He was so overzealous
    Was he secretly jealous?
    Why was this man so full of hate?

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    St John made Salome irate,
    And he suffered a terrible fate.
    “It’s your own fault”, she said.
    “Though I’m sorry you’re dead,
    I just love giving head – on a plate.”

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    The toreador met his fate
    On the horns of a bull grown irate.
    As he felt himself gutted,
    The bull sighed and tutted:
    “You KNOW red’s a colour I hate.”

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker was said to be great,
    But she charged an exorbitant rate.
    “Can I get just a wank
    Without breaking the bank?”
    Her reply caused the guy to deflate.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    They had lent at so monstrous a rate
    That it couldn’t be paid by the date,
    For the interest fee
    Was twice GNP,
    So the bankers now own the Greek state.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    He would eat at a gluttonous rate
    As he gobbled up plate after plate.
    He was so overloaded
    The fellow exploded;
    It must have been something he ate.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    My girl-friend would certainly rate
    As a 10, though her IQ’s not great.
    When I asked if she’d swallow
    She didn’t quite follow,
    And sucked all the food off my plate.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    A girl who knows how to fellate
    Could be said to be “well worth her weight”
    In the purest of gold,
    And that, I am told,
    Is those Washington whores’ going rate.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was very irate,
    She knew that she must concentrate.
    Her roused mind would roam
    Instead of go, ” ohmm”,
    Important that she meditate.

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    The banks give a low interest rate
    See the worth of our dollar deflate.
    We’re in debt ’cause of wars
    The corporate big scores.
    We need change before it’s too late.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    A young whore was very irate
    At guys who took time to inflate.
    Her feelings were cold
    And her heart of gold
    Was not real but merely gold plate.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    Though Oregon visitors rate
    Crater Lake as a sight to elate,
    It’s the fine pubic curls
    Of the naturist girls
    That give it the name “Beaver State”.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    The teacher of Latin would rate
    As a stunner. We went on a date;
    I kept pouring the wine,
    Which she didn’t decline,
    Then she proved that she could conjugate!

    (NOTE: I hope that Mad Kane won’t berate
    Me for improper scansion. I’ll state,
    Before other folks pick up
    The metrical hiccup:
    Line 5 has a slightly-off gait.)

  14. Dave Johnson says:

    Greetings Brian, from Bend, OR

    It’s a beautiful day to relate
    That we live in this great Beaver State.
    Full of wonder and awe,
    We continue to draw
    Californians at a frightening rate.

  15. Mark Kane says:

    A hooker who promised to sate
    Left her customers rather irate.
    They’d arrive hard and willing,
    But found her quite chilling.
    All she did was berate and deflate.

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Monica, “Guys overrate
    The importance of sex. I shall wait
    Till I’m happily wed.”
    “Well, no problem”, Bill said,
    “It’s not sex if you only fellate.”

  17. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Brian Algar, in beaver land mate

    A beaver once went on a date
    with a beaveress rated first rate
    when reaching her dam
    she blurted:” oh damn!”
    No date ever crosses my gate.

  18. Jen says:

    If I were to go on a date
    With a fellow, I’d be quite irate
    If he left me to wonder
    If I’d made a blunder
    I’d like to know just where I rate.

  19. Kirk Miller says:

    Bo Derek will get quite irate
    When folks say her beauty’s an eight.
    But she misunderstood
    That some comments are good,
    Like this: that her beauty’s innate.

  20. Kirk Miller says:

    A woman named Kathryn is great
    At cloning. She’s really first rate.
    She’s an excellent pro,
    Quite an expert, and so
    She is called by her friends Dupli-Kate.

  21. Kirk Miller says:

    The woman heard goose was first rate
    At the bistro, supposedly great.
    Cook had carelessly plucked
    The main course; it was mucked.
    She felt down in the mouth when she ate.

  22. Kirk Miller says:

    At a junkyard there sits a big crate
    Filled with retreads that share the same fate.
    They all leak, won’t hold air,
    So a sign that’s placed there
    Reads: The tires all do have a flat rate.

  23. Kirk Miller says:

    “When I lease an apartment, I hate
    To have different amounts,” complained Kate,
    “That the lessee will pay
    Every month, so I say
    What I charge for the rent’s a flat rate.”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    I must say I was irate
    When I moved to this Midwest state!

    In New Jersey they pump your gas
    But here you have to move your ass

    Well, maybe I’ll lose some weight!

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jan fixed me up with a date
    Someone who likes to “rate”

    “Ten” is the best
    To pass the final test

    I received a minus forty-eight

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    I became very irate
    When I was going 98

    Another driver passed
    And was completely aghast

    To see my “fickle finger of fate”

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    A gentleman who I would rate
    With class you cannot equate

    He pulled out my chair
    Not once did he swear

    And asked, “Shall we interrelate?”

  28. Dave Johnson says:

    He was speeding – a rather high rate.
    The cop said “More funds for the state…”
    A chase then ensued
    That was not very shrewd;
    Bald tires can quickly deflate.

  29. Dave Johnson says:

    Oregon’s a gas-pumping state;
    With service that’s always first-rate.
    If ever they may
    Try to take it away,
    A huge, pissed-off mob they’ll create.

  30. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    The reason Mad’s page is so great
    Are progressive, sharp lim’ricks- Y’all rate!
    I’m from Kansas, you see,
    Land of Koch and of Tea
    Party a-holes who’ve ruined our state.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:


    I must say I was irate
    When I moved to a Midwest state

    In Jersey they pump your gas
    Here, you must move your ass

    Well, maybe I’ll lose some weight

  32. Lisi Nortman says:


    The Blackhawks fans are just great
    Their team is surely first-rate

    On the “Magnificent Mile”
    Everyone dresses in style

    But have the Cubs ever made it to home plate?

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sharon is a friend who’s first-rate
    But she can’t get anything straight

    I waited an hour
    At the Sears Tower

    But she went to “Barrel and Crate”

  34. Lisi Nortman says:


    The people here are great
    It’s a town that’s surely first rate

    I’ve learned to say “pop”
    And “beauty shop”

    It’s just time to assimilate

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Revision for a better meter


    The Blackhawks fans are just great
    Their team is surely first-rate

    On the Magnificent Mile
    Everyone dresses in style

    But the Cubs can’t get to home plate

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    Their encounter was not all that great;
    His damn thing just wouldn’t get straight.
    The challenge was tall;
    She gave it her all,
    Then charged him the half-woody rate.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    taking out one word: Chicago

    The people here are great
    It’s a town that’s surely first-rate

    I’ve learned to say “pop”
    And “beauty shop”


  38. Dave Johnson says:

    They’re out on a date;
    Both wondering how it will rate.
    His response to her art
    Was defaced by a fart
    As the waiter bent over a plate.

  39. David Reddekopp says:

    Our editions are due on the date
    Of July 25th; I can’t wait
    If I win, I will dial
    Up my thousand-watt smile
    If I don’t win, then I’ll be irate.

  40. David Reddekopp says:

    People nowadays, they procreate
    At a near-unsustainable rate
    A scourge of our nations
    Will our consummations abate?

  41. Tim James says:

    A guy found a lady first-rate
    So he asked if she’d go on a date.
    But she snapped, “You chew gum
    And it makes you look dumb!”
    So he’ll stay home and just mast…icate.

  42. David Reddekopp says:

    A fellow is out with his date
    He says his dick’s length numbers eight
    But he means centimeters
    So she gleans from his peter’s
    Tiny size that he lies; she’s irate.

  43. Dave Johnson says:

    She charged a ridiculous rate
    For services way less than great.

    But he remained mum
    Reimbursing the sum;

    The Congressman’s nocturnal fate.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love my sightless mate
    He’s always been first rate

    He hates the word blind
    And will always remind

    Me we met on a “hard of hearing date”

  45. Lisi Nortman says:


    She charged an extravagant rate
    For someone who’s so overweight

    She got on top
    I heard something pop

    And now I’m Lying In State

  46. (Revision)

    When she dumped me, my ex grew irate
    but managed to recriminate—
    a gasp with each spasm
    in one angry orgasm—

  47. Fred Bortz says:

    Trump’s comments make people irate,
    Though he claims to be telling it straight.
    The man’s ego’s outsize,
    Yet his poll numbers rise.
    We’ll be seeing him in the debate.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:


    I love my sightless mate
    He’s a man who is really first rate

    He hates the word blind
    And will always remind

    Me that we met on ” hard to hear” date

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction : that we met on A hard to hear date


  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    When trying to rhyme with rate
    You can ponder till your pupils dilate

    But you MUST get it right
    Even late at night

    Because that’s the way you CREATE!

  51. There’s an app that allows you to rate
    all your friends from abysmal to great,
    and it lets you, if curious,
    check your score and be furious.
    Yes, the name of the app is iRate.

  52. Oh, Internet comments! Too late
    I regret all the heat of my hate.
    Won’t you kindly look past
    All the blistering blast
    Of that rot that I write while irate?


    “It’s quaint that the Left is irate
    At our plans to take over the State.
    Who cares that we’re fixin’
    To out-Nixon Nixon?
    It’s all Water under the Gate.”


    The field at the Fox-led debate
    Grew increasingly loud and irate.
    Their true nature came out
    When they started to shout:


    Said Irene to Eileen, “Am I late?”
    Said Eileen to Irene, “I’m irate!
    I lean in the lane
    All alone in the rain —
    Oh what wicked wet weather to wait!”

  56. Donald Trump, at the Heavenly Gate
    (Where Saint Peter had asked why he’d rate
    An entrance therein),
    Said, “If Pride is a sin,
    Then it’s God’s fault he made me so great!”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last night I was so irate
    I know it was something I ate

    First I fainted
    Since the food was tainted

    I should’ve had the fish, not the bait

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Most of us are quite irate
    Sixteen men for a candidate!

    It’s enough for a ball team
    So let them blow off steam

    With two umpires to fish or cut bait

  59. Dave Johnson says:

    The Trumpster’s not gonna wait
    Selecting the best running mate.
    “It must be a pal,
    That cute Palin gal;
    The rest of those losers don’t rate.”

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    A mathematician would rate
    Those colleagues he wanted to date.
    If analysis said
    He could take one to bed,
    Just when he would then calculate.

  61. Dave Johnson says:

    A mistress grew very irate;
    Her lover was chronically late.

    One night, he would find
    Her gift left behind:

    A patient, inflatable mate.

  62. Dave Johnson says:

    When Trump gets into the debate,
    The others can reciprocate
    His insults and jeers;
    Then watch as he gears
    His mouth into accelerate.

  63. Phil Graham says:

    I’m hoping to finally sate
    My sex drive before it’s too late
    All the dollars I’ve paid
    To those whores to get laid
    Have my wife acting very irate.

    When we last bared our bodies to mate
    Can’t remember just how it did rate
    But my wife blew her chance
    To keep hot our romance
    If she’d blown something else, I’d be great!

  64. Phil Graham says:

    The cook arrived early, stayed late,
    But his output was only third-rate.
    When told to get better
    He said, “I’ve a fetter;
    You’ve put way too much on my plate!”

  65. Phil Graham says:

    There is a young woman named Kate
    With looks far beyond second-rate
    But she thinks it immoral
    To do the deed ‘oral’
    So hasn’t had one second date.

  66. Phil Graham says:

    I spend my days using my pate
    To determine when folks will be ‘late’
    I’m not adversarial
    My job’s actuarial
    You see, at Prudential, I rate.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband Fred makes me so irate
    When he says I need to lose weight

    So I go on a diet
    Then he says on the quiet

    “You look malnourished, dear, Kate”

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    The climate deniers won’t rate
    Real science, regardless of weight.
    With delusional ark
    So rigid and stark,
    They should sit on an iceberg and wait.

  69. David Reddekopp says:

    The Vatican’s PR’s first-rate
    Though on child abuse, they’re not so great
    Priests continue to grope
    Unopposed by the pope
    It’s a problem to pontiff-icate

    The scandal survives to this date
    They’ve done nothing to make it abate
    With all their preachings
    And arrogant teachings
    Their hypocrisy makes me irate.

  70. David Reddekopp says:

    The whore has a really good rate
    And a sex drive you simply can’t sate
    Trouser snake, just to hook us
    She will take in her tuchus
    Her debauchery none can debate.

  71. David Reddekopp says:

    I’ve accepted my ultimate fate
    When I die, those I know may then rate
    My life based on its merits
    And I will not care. It’s
    impossible when in that state.

  72. cphenly says:

    There was once a young lady named Kate
    But her usual state was irate.
    Then Petru-chyo arrived
    And Kate’s rage was short-lived
    For he tamed her to be his sweet mate.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    There once was a man named Nate
    Who without fail, was always irate

    He complained all day
    Drove his friends away

    Till he found the key to the prison gate

  74. Fred Bortz says:

    As teenagers we all would rate
    How far we should go on a date.
    And though a home run
    Topped the measure of fun,
    Second-basers were better to mate.

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear mom claimed we always were late
    Which made her extremely irate

    She said come at five
    We had toast with pepper and chive

    And the rest of the guests came at eight

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was very upset and irate
    When I tried to get my hair “straight”

    I used formaldehyde
    Which only amplified

    My hysterical and frenzied state!

  77. David Reddekopp says:

    Michelle, when her man wants to mate
    Pumps out people with prodigious rate
    And her son, one Josh Duggar
    His sisters he’d bugger
    My disgust at this just ends in hate.

    sigh…these fraudulent f***ing fundies make my blood boil…

  78. The iamb derides it “ornate.”
    The spondee piles on with “third-rate.”
    And even the trochee
    pooh-poohs “so Kentucky,”
    as the anapest taunts them with gait.

  79. Allen Wilcox says:

    The cannibal king was irate.
    Some guests had arrived much too late.
    “Though I may be a sinner,
    I can’t have them for dinner.
    I have simply too much on my plate.”

  80. Allen Wilcox says:

    He was proud that he carried the weight
    Of privates quite large and ornate.
    He observed, “Inter alia,
    I’ve got great genitalia.
    Out of ten, it’s eleven I rate.”

  81. Allen Wilcox says:

    He practiced at pleasing his date
    In front of a mirror – a slow rate,
    But he went on ahead.
    Her response on the bed –
    “I’m afraid it’s too little, too late.”

  82. Allen Wilcox says:

    He had to believe it was fate
    To have such a wonderful mate.
    Her action below
    Continued to grow
    At a truly astonishing rate.

  83. The pirate bumped into the mate,
    And gyrating, fumbled his plate —
    Thus dumping his supper
    Straight out of the scupper.
    Oh my! Was that pirate irate!

  84. Behold my inflatable mate:
    her buttocks are truly first-rate!
    I think that I must
    release all my lust
    before I begin to deflate.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Cheating Spouses” web site makes me irate
    “Mr. Handsome” was quite overweight

    He needed the Heimlich
    But since he was so thick

    He died yelling, “Don’t tell my mate!”

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    This, I think is the perfect meter for my “Chicago” limerick

    The Blackhawks fans are just great
    Their team is surely first-rate

    On the Magnificent Mile
    Everyone dresses in style

    But the Cubs still can’t find home plate!

  87. Mark Kane says:

    How we mate, should we leave it to fate,
    Or have science improve who we date?
    If you find them online,
    It might work out just fine,
    But be sure to review how they rate.

  88. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A fisherman grew quite irate
    The fish were not taking the bait
    His hook had a worm
    That just wouldn’t squirm
    Didn’t want to be something fish ate.

  89. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A fellow who found a nice date
    Believed that this girl was first rate
    ‘Twas love at first sight
    Her jeans were skintight
    He thought he had found his soulmate.

  90. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If all of the food on your plate
    Is tasteless and makes you irate
    Then don’t be a fool
    Attend cooking school
    Then all your meals will taste great!

  91. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you’ve got a terrible mate
    Who’s temperament is third rate
    Don’t argue, don’t grieve
    Just pack up and leave
    Your new peace of mind will feel great!

  92. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My birthday is why I’m irate
    No reason to just celebrate
    My body gets older
    My bowels get bolder
    My hearing and sight ain’t that great.

  93. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If someone that you somewhat hate
    Is making you somewhat irate
    Don’t get mad – get even
    And you’ll be believin’
    A prank really can compensate.

  94. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A king who would soon abdicate
    Would rather play ’round than be great
    His mother the Queen
    Was not very keen
    On his foolishness – she was irate!

  95. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 223.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme June or Jejune.