Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAIL or MALE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either MAIL or MALE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

While lunching and sorting my mail,
I saw markings that referenced “jail.”
Seems a worker’d gone postal,
Or possibly toastal…
All my mail was stamped “Send bread for bail.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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72 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAIL or MALE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Brian Allgar says:

    Our cousin from Prague came to Yale
    Where he spent all his time chasing tail,
    Till he realized one day
    He’d prefer to be gay;
    That’s the reason our Czech’s in the male.

  2. Jon Gearhart says:

    Did you hear the one how Clinton’s mail
    Was erased just to cover Bill’s trail?
    Billy’s been stepping out
    And tom-catting about–
    Bet it’s more than just ONE old wives’ tail!

  3. Marcus Bales says:

    In Maui she met a mod male
    Who promised her he wouldn’t fail
    To give her some thrills
    Only island-born skills
    Could give her — well, that was his tale.

  4. Marcus Bales says:

    A particular narcissist male
    Had “Keep sucking” tattooed on his rail;
    For blind dating dolls
    He had on his balls
    The same information in Braille.

  5. Marcus Bales says:

    The Time Lord need not be a male
    Then if her Companion’s not hale
    And he comes on a dime
    She can go back in time
    Until there’s no epochal fail.

  6. Marcus Bales says:

    A tall, tanned, well-turned type of tail
    Is the kind that she likes to impale
    Herself on, but sadly
    They all hump her madly
    Then come like the damned express mail.

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    There once was a really hot male
    Was twelve on a one to ten scale.
    Every woman he’d fuck,
    Caress, kiss and suck,
    Feels like she has touched the third rail.

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    When one goes to a college like Yale,
    Which is co-ed now; used to be male.
    One can’t get distracted
    Despite how attracted.
    One must excel, always prevail.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    One thing that will prevail
    Is that the species known as male

    Will always want some fun
    And “No, it’s not a gun”!

    So stick around and to you he will avail

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    I wait every day for the mail
    It’s always late in Riverdale.
    Our mailman retired,
    The one we admired.
    The news that we get now is stale.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    I had a great, steamed lobster tail.
    On top of some organic kale.
    It was large and sweet
    With flavor, repleat.
    No eggs, so it must be a male.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    One fact about a male
    Which will invariably prevail

    He’ll brag about his finesse
    And great macho success

    Also known as a big cock-and-bull tale

  13. Jesse Levy says:

    One thing about getting my mail
    About which I simply must rail.
    Torn magazine pages
    Send me into rages.
    Please put those bad postmen in jail!

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    Sir Kay, in full armour and mail,
    Found he needed to pee. With a wail,
    He said “Brothers, let’s try
    To invent the zip-fly –
    For a Knight, it’s the true Holy Grail!”

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo was learning to sail;
    Her instructor was handsome and male.
    He said “Jerk off this guy”,
    So she knelt to comply,
    Though he’d meant “Free the rope from the rail.”

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    It is tough if you’re born as a snail;
    Which end of yourself should you nail?
    Are you husband or wife?
    The hermaphrodite life
    Means a miss is as good as a male.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Shakespeare, “This fine month of May’ll
    Produce darling buds without fail.”
    But cynical Bacon
    Said “Nah, they’ll be shaken
    To bits by the rough bloody gale.”

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    The Judge had released him on bail,
    But his kids – seven female, six male –
    Screamed and fought all the time,
    So he planned a new crime
    And returned to the peace of the jail.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    “Oh, no!” she exclaimed, turning pale.
    “My boy-friend is built like a whale,
    And that big tub of lard
    Must have sucked me too hard –
    Now my clit-ring is lost in the male.”

  20. Brian Allgar says:

    The hunter was boastfully male:
    “Ah’ll be back draggin’ moose by the tail.”
    But he missed deer and widgeon,
    Not even a pigeon,
    And bagged just a short-sighted quail.

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you look forward to your mail
    You’ll find crap that is stale

    Then when you don’t care
    A check will appear

    Made out to you, signed by a cashier!

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    (And one more, although it doesn’t actually use the rhyme-word.)

    They were lost on the old Lonesome Trail,
    And their water would pretty soon fail.
    Said Ollie, “Confess!
    It’s another fine mess!”
    And poor Stan could do nothing but wail.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re looking for a male
    Don’t visit Jim “dot wholesale”

    He’ll make you pay
    For a lavish buffet

    Then say he must get back to jail

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    A sure thing about a male
    Which will forever and always prevail

    He’s in love with his peeper
    And knows it’s a keeper

    And thinks it’s perfect for Chippendale

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    One thing that will always prevail
    IN the species known as the male:

    He’ll always want some fun
    And “No that isn’t a gun”

    So have enjoyment with his extra tail

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dog is a poodle……male
    So when I see him wagging his tail

    I know there’s a pug
    Waiting for a hug

    All he has to do is inhale

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    I got my neighbor’s mail
    It was a coupon for a fabulous sale

    I started to pout
    Because I was a girl scout

    The hell with it…I’m off to Bloomingdale

  28. yt cai says:

    Farmer Dell pulled a fraud by mail
    Sent investors his haymaking tale
    Could turn straw into gold
    But it all came to unfold
    As the feds found he couldn’t make bale

  29. yt cai says:

    Presidents are often from Yale
    As always, are a caucasian male
    Now we’re a huge debtor
    And just might do better
    If we elected the next one from jail

  30. yt cai says:

    Just last night I checked my e-mail
    Nancy replied straight from the d-rail
    She said let’s meet in the car
    Promised I would get far
    It’s a story line with more to N-tail

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cheers and jeers for the male
    He’s great with a hammer and nail

    He’ll fix your toaster
    And your bake-broil-roaster

    Then exit leaving a muddy trail

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    One thing about a male not a duplicate
    Which is true without fail

    He’ll brag about his finesse
    And his great macho success

    Also known as a cock-and -bull tale

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    not a duplicate

    One thing about a male
    Which is true without fail

    He’ll brag about his finesse
    And his great macho success

    Also known as a cock-and- bull tale

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction :”Then exit leaving a BIG muddy trail” sorry
    Here’s my new one:

    I had a dream that a male
    Was born with a ten inch tail

    He used it to sweep
    His Wrangler jeep

    And have a 3-way on his Schooner sail

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops, I forgot to rhyme with mail

    When you look forward to your mail
    You find junk to no avail

    But one day you’ll cheer
    Because a check will appear

    And you’re off to a vacation in Vail

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    While getting my evening’s mail
    I came across a cute little snail

    “I seem to be lost
    I was to meet Jack Frost

    We’re on our way to a fairy tale”

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    I received a strange e-mail
    Asking how I prepare my kale

    “You give it a vigorous scrub
    Get onions, garlic and rub

    Then close your eyes and don’t inhale”

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    My hubbie’s a macho male
    Never whines; doesn’t wail

    He tried on my Maybelline
    And looked just like a queen

    Now his name is Gail

  39. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Oceanic Impulses

    I opened the door for the mail;
    There he stood, looking so – well, so male…
    Frantic bedroom activities
    Gave rise to our proclivities.
    Later on, what a whale of a tale :)

  40. Dave Johnson says:

    The package arrived in the mail;
    A late-night erotica sale.

    Having opened her prize;
    In awe of it’s size,

    She’s naming it both Chip and Dale.

  41. Dave Johnson says:

    A sea-going call-girl named Gayle
    Was aboard and about to set sail.

    She said to each guy
    With a wink of her eye,

    “I’m here to deliver the male.”

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    At Yale, if you’re a male
    You must know it’s pass or fail

    If you PASS a pretty lass
    And FAIL to notice her ass

    You’re not Ivy League MA-TERI-ALE

  43. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a pot-smoking group, said the e-mail,
    Of all men that was met by a she-male.
    When they offered a smoke,
    She said, “Sure!” Took a toke.
    Now she’s known as the group’s tokin’ female.

  44. Kirk Miller says:

    A Post Office worker named Dale
    Delivers the residents’ mail
    That must quickly arrive.
    Toward that goal he does strive.
    His nickname’s Priority Male.

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    Man got out of his job in retail;
    Is a surgical vet, says the e-mail.
    He’ll detach cats’ tails fast.
    His success, which is vast,
    Is because of attention to de-tail.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    I met an elegant male
    who took me for a fashionable sail

    I fell overboard
    Which was quite untoward

    But I met a lovely Baleen whale

  47. Dave Johnson says:

    A touring musician named Cale
    Came home to a month’s worth of mail.

    One letter, it seems,
    Was the stuff of bad dreams:

    “I’m pregnant; send money – don’t fail.”

  48. Kirk Miller says:

    I mail-ordered one baby quail,
    And called when the seller did fail
    To send it to me.
    “Please wait,” was their plea.
    “We shipped it; the chick’s in the mail.”

  49. Kirk Miller says:

    Bill Clinton each day tries to nail
    Some pussy; he’s one horny male.
    Each conquest he’ll log,
    And just like his dog,
    He and Buddy enjoy chasing tail.

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    She spotted a good-looking male
    And decided to follow his trail.

    Her approach would succeed;
    For he did indeed

    Start barking and wagging his tail.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    I received a disturbing e-mail
    From my old sweetheart at Yale

    It said “Come to the reunion;
    We can meet in seclusion”

    I replied, “Fine, and bring your wife, Gail”

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    The party was hardy and hale;
    And he was a red-blooded male.

    The women were hot
    But the ending was not;

    He awoke with his head in a pail.

  53. Dave Johnson says:

    An old southern preacher – McHale
    Decided he needed some tail.

    So he went on Craigslist
    And set up a tryst;

    Too bad he picked “Male Seeking Male”.

  54. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    Hail the Snail: the US Mail

    Oh look, it’s some personal mail!
    Mom’s, friends’ lives in a handwritten trail…
    Though email’s quite dandy
    (Wee hours: it’s handy),
    Can’t sub for an “in the hand” tale.

    While I’m on the topic, I treasure
    My husband’s long missives on pleasure ~
    They’re him, paper to pen!
    Read again and again;
    Sex/love memories past any measure :)

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    Gordon was definitely a male
    Storm was a nice piece of tail

    Whether it was “Our Miss Brooks”
    Or the gal with the looks

    They both answered to the name of GALE!

  56. Marcus Bales says:

    He had a tattoo on his rail
    “Eat at Shorty’s NM” in blue Braille
    She didn’t expect
    When she got it erect
    “Eat At Shorty’s Bar and Grill, Albuquerque, New Mexico” but now she loves telling the tale.

  57. Marcus Bales says:

    Of course all the cowboys were male,
    but that’s not the end of the tale:
    some cowpokes among ’em
    would lip ’em and tongue ’em
    as they travelled the old Jizm Trail.

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Conklin was a stubborn male
    Margie was a cute piece of tail

    Television was new
    But we had to say adieu

    To the two comedic stars named Gale

  59. Sue Dulley says:

    Whether healthy and hearty and hale
    Or feeble and fragile and frail,
    If a cold makes you cry
    And you think you’ll soon die
    It’s a hundred to one that you’re male.

  60. Dave Johnson says:

    You probably don’t want to fail
    To carefully go through your mail.

    It’s unwise to miss
    A notice like this:

    “Appear, or you’ll forfeit your bail…”

  61. Fred Bortz says:

    Captain Ahab turned suddenly pale.
    “My harpoons struck a white suckling whale.
    I’ve destroyed Melville’s drama
    By spearing a Mama.
    With that name, Moby-Dick must be male!”

  62. Allen Wilcox says:

    Her attempts to deliver a male
    Did hardly proceed without fail.
    Turns out the bordello
    Rejected her fellow –
    A policeman who threw her in jail.

  63. Allen Wilcox says:

    To do what he thought would be male,
    He hiked the Pacific Crest Trail.
    At the nine-hundreth mile
    He just had to smile,
    As he met, in his way, a white whale.

  64. Allen Wilcox says:

    It was true that Vlad loved to impale –
    The worst he could do as a male.
    But all else made him cry.
    He could not hurt a fly,
    And he died when he stepped on a snail.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I received “jury duty” in the mail
    I quickly relocated my tail

    I went to a grotto
    In Colorado

    known as “No Extradition, Vail”

  66. Tim James says:

    A fisherman, typically male,
    Set a hook for his co-worker, Gayle.
    What a catch, for the win!
    After reeling her in,
    He found out she was bait — for the jail.

  67. Dave Johnson says:

    O’Malley delivered the mail
    In a neighborhood called Riverdale.

    But later they found
    At one stop on his round,

    He always came twice without fail.

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    At the dawn of electronic mail,
    New users found ways to impale.

    If writing while drinking
    or not really thinking,

    “Reply all” would jump-start the fail.

  69. Janie Gouge says:

    Sweet letters from you in the mail
    Give my heart its wings to sail
    Keep sending your missives
    And seal them with kisses
    And my scripts will never curtail

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    The U.S. male
    Drinks Golden Ale

    He’ll buy rounds for all
    Steer clear of Rohypnol

    Or you’ll end up in Motel Tatteltale

  71. Dave Johnson says:

    Meanwhile, back on the PCT…

    While hiking a wilderness trail,
    There’s no need for fear or travail.

    With wireless phones,
    You can call up the drones

    For snacks or air-dropping your mail.

  72. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 213.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme: Hound.