Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STICK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5 (Deadline: April 18)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using STICK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner on April 19, right before I post the next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 18 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
The conductor was wielding his stick,
While screaming: “The strings are too quick,
And the woodwinds are slow.”
This made double reeds blow;
Yelled the oboe, “You don’t know a lick!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Conductor Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music Humor & Verse, Oboe Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Rock Star Seeking Privacy
He couldn’t beat…off with a stick;
The crowd, it was simply too thick.
Ah, girls! Far too many,
How could he pick any?
One chose him by way of a lick :)
I invented this little trick,
Requiring the use of a stick,
But it didn’t work
‘Cause I was a jerk.
It needed a spit and a lick.
I was proud of my magical trick,
And her clothes disappeared double-quick.
Then I pulled out my wand,
But she laughed, that young blonde,
At my minuscule conjurer’s stick
There’s a fellow I really can’t stick;
He’s a bartender chap, name of Rick.
Play him “As time goes by”
And he’s certain to cry –
What a wimp! Well, you’ve all seen the flick.
The hooker was trying to stick
To her task, but was getting a crick
In her neck. “Gimme strength!”
She exclaimed; “Ain’t the length,
But this dick is a prick that’s too thick!”
The con-man was told where to stick
What he claimed was a solid gold brick,
And the moron said “Fine!
Though the sun doesn’t shine
There, the gleam will illumine my dick.”
Nothing Succeeds Like Success, or What the H*ll Does That Mean?
Over time, we’ve all heard the old shtick
That success, wealth, and more follow stick-
To-it-tiveness. Could be,
But it sure seems to me
Flexibility’s a better trick…
Smart Come-Ons Wanted, or, Be In It For More Than A Minute
When her boss carried on like a prick,
Gutsy Marcy suggested he stick
All that where no sun shines;
Rolled her eyes at his whines.
Too bad Rick was a hounddoggin’ dick.
Here’s to guys who aren’t led by their c*ck!
Used to call those the cocks o’ the walk.
I’m no saint, sex is great,
But sometimes best to wait…
What a shock: bed preceded by talk:)
“Speak softly and carry a stick!”
For many years that did the trick.
Bit if there’s some quirk
And that doesn’t work.
Bash him in the head with a brick.
A whore brought a measuring stick
To check the length of her john’s dick.
If a meager size,
She ‘d find a new prize
And not waste time with a small prick.
Spot runs off when Jane throws the stick
For a big dog, he brings it back quick
Jane sprawls on the ground,
Spot looks all around,
And wonders how much she loves Dick
An erotic concoction to pick:
They call it a Popsicle stick.
A woody device
Half-frozen in ice
That tingles the tongue with each lick.
In high school they called me “quick”
But I was virtually built like a stick!
I came home and cried
I wanted to hide
I couldn’t help it; math was my schtick!
If you take a nice clean stick
And give it a passionate lick
You can have fun in the sack
Just give it a whack
And you’ve done your first magic trick!
He had taken a great deal of stick,
For his name, “Boyle D. Egge”, was quite sick.
When he scored on a date,
All his friends would say “Great!
Who came first? Was it Egge, or the chick?”
Ooops! Madeleine, the first line above should be:
“He had taken a great deal of stick:
(From Mad Kane: I fixed it.)
Oh, damn! And that shouldn’t be a colon at the end of the line, but a comma, as in the original. Two senior moments in the space of five minutes …
(From Mad Kane: Fortunately I just added “deal” and didn’t copy/paste it. I didn’t spot the punctuation difference so I didn’t repeat the error. :) )
Mike was built like St. Nick
And I resembled a stick
We tried to diddle
But because of his middle
We just could never click!
Don’t feel bad Brian, I should have flipped my lines 2 and 5 for better effect:
An erotic concoction to pick:
That tingles the tongue with each lick.
A woody device
Half-frozen in ice;
They call it a Popsicle stick.
Oh well, it’s still early out here in the west…
(From Mad Kane: I’ll consider this, your second version, your entry. :) )
He was trying to make it stick;
So he gave it a rather big lick.
But the surface he chose
Had recently froze;
Now to get him unstuck is the trick.
You know those mean boys, Nick and Rick?
They’d grab their lil brother and stick
Him right on the ground,
And upon him they’d pound
That poor runt. I’m sure you gnomic?
Giacometti’s bronze figures are sticks
And Renoir painted Rubenesque chicks.
Munch’s figures, desperate sadness,
While Cassatt’s, tender gladness;
Ancient Roman wind chimes, shaped like dicks.
Why have a name like Dick
When it’s just easier to be called Stick?
You’ll feel no shame
With a snappier name
But the ladies won’t be coming that quick!
This post-it note just will not stick.
The glue on it ain’t worth a lick.
I guess this old pad
I got from my dad
is off to the trash can real quick.
There’s some that are dry; some are slick;
Some last for a while; some are quick;
Some plain and some frilly,
But the best ones are silly
Like “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
She met a new fella named Nick
Who wanted to show her a trick.
With a pill called Cialis,
His two-minute phallus
Turned into a four-hour stick.
The inventor of Teflon, named Rick,
Had his formula stolen by Nick.
‘Twas a crime, so he sued,
And the outcome he rued,
‘Cause the charges in court wouldn’t stick.
Good health will not seemingly stick
To young hypochondriac Rick.
There is always a wealth
Of his news of bad health.
The thought of it just makes me sick.
My husband got a walking stick
Because his feet became too thick.
I looked at it one day
And said, “Hey Ray,
I’ve been a bad bad aging chick!”
Pols Have No Balls…In the Air or Otherwise
They harangue or drone on: it might stick,
Assuming John Q. won’t know Dick.
But believe me, we do!
We’re still waiting for you
All to show us some substance, v. trick :(
Thick As A Brick?
My peel-off address labels won’t stick:
Where’s the tape? I’ll just give them a lick.
Rash decision, too quick –
Blah, blug, water!! Man: ick!
Then saw old note: “Tape! lick=sick :(“
Their commercial is glossy and slick;
A remedy for what made you sick.
But lab tests revealed
You’re more likely healed
By a witch doctor waving a stick.
Baseball’s here!
McCutcheon is wielding his stick.
Francisco’s sharp curveball is quick.
It’s Opening Day.
Will the Bucs have their way?
Or will Cincy pull off a slick trick?
Go, Pirates!
A proton attempted a trick:
He pulled others close-in to him, thick.
That’s a problem, because
It breaks physical laws.
Not to worry: the charges won’t stick.
He likes to go after a chick
Like a dog that is chasing a stick.
To hear and believe him,
He’ll always retrieve ’em;
With BS, he lays it on thick.
If you want to see a good flick,
Ask my old buddy Dick.
He told me “Fifty Shades of Gray”
Would blow me away
And the lead actor is “Dippy the Stick”
Stick ‘Em Up
They swore that her pasties would stick;
The in-house “brand” was cheap, hence their pick.
In too-tall heels, she stumbled
And bounced: off both tumbled…
She planned it? Tips added up quick :)
I once asked a good friend named Nick
To show me a slick magic trick.
In a hypnotic fog
He made me a dog.
Please throw it and I’ll fetch that stick.
The percussion was rowdy and quick;
Played to impress that cute chick.
As he hit a big stroke,
His drummer’s throne broke;
At least he held on to the stick.
A slugger bragged of his stick
“ It’s the best! Here give it a flick.
But you must understand
It comes from Thailand.
One hit makes you thick as a brick.”
I’m feeling a little bit sick
yet hopeful I’m going to kick
this cold that I’ve got
I am real full of snot
and fearful it’s going to stick
An aging porn goddess grew sick
Of co-stars the director would pick.
“Don’t bring me some fool
With a steroidal tool;
Just give me a dick on a stick.”
My friend Polly had a brain like a stick
You might even say the lady is thick.
On Halloween night
She wasn’t too bright
And asked “Do you want to turn a trick?”
not a duplicate….sorry
My friend Polly HAS a brain like a stick
You might even say she’s thick!
On Halloween night
She wasn’t too bright
And asked, “Do you want to turn a trick?”
In your neck you might have a crick.
So go get a magic stick.
Say Abracadabra;
And take a Viagra
And you’ll get rid of your crick real quick.
Mick Jagger is built like a stick
If you want to see him real quick:
Just make a wish
And eat a knish
Now that would be quite a trick!
fixed for a better meter:
If you want to see a good flick,
Just ask my old buddy, Dick.
He SAID “Fifty Shades of Gray”
Would blow me away.
And the “lead” is Dippy the Stick.
John hit me with a brick.
I ran after him real quick.
He had his shotgun
But I did not run
I got him with his own boom stick
For VP, Bush thought he should stick
With one who would be a safe pick.
The goods were all sold;
But events did unfold
That showed us he didn’t know Dick.
Limericks are like a stick
The magic is in the schtik
You think of a rhyme
at an imaginative time
And you’re there with a simple mouse click!
(Not clever; just angry, after seeing Santorum on the Nation’s Face… excuse me; after seeing Santorum on Face the Nation.)
To Mr. Santorum: Say, Rick,
Up your ass is a long, rigid stick.
If you leave it there, fine…
Just don’t call it a spine,
You ridiculous hectoring prick.
Poor Jack is too nimble and quick
Finding places his candle to stick.
Now his candle is burning…
He’s finally learning
Where not to be dipping his wick.
The priest, indiscreet with his dick,
Got arrested. The charge didn’t stick.
Then he rose through the ranks,
And grew powerful, thanks
To the size of his new bishopric(k).
Dave wanted to master the trick
Of propelling that ball off the stick.
He took a big cut
And dug a deep rut;
Then looked for the bucket to kick.
James Brown had a hit – “Licking Stick”;
“Uptown Funk” is now everyone’s pick.
Soul music’s a gift
For new artists to lift;
But the lines blurred for Williams and Thicke.
We hit a ball with a stick
Because in Brooklyn, that was our schtick
We didn’t have bats
We were all cool cats
Sandy Koufax….boy was he slick!
Johnny Football figured to click
With Cleveland, who made him first pick.
He was so below-grade,
They surely would trade
Him to Pittsburgh, who they’d love to stick.
When I was young I had a stick
I dug and dug till my hands felt thick.
Then one day
In the month of May
I found Jimmy Hoffa’s toes between a concrete slick.
this doesn’t have stick, but I couldn’t help sharing it because… it rhymes with stick….
anticipation was making her sick
till he said “Darling, I’ll make it quick”
on further inspection
with lack of infection
all she felt was one little prick
Being an oboe player, I had a wonderful big laugh at the end of this!
The detective discovered the trick:
Scotch tape caused the door latch to stick.
‘Twas this strange twist of fate
That kicked off Watergate.
Tricky Dick was thus dicked by a dick.
(For you youngsters, “dick” used to be slang for detective.)
When they yell “Now get on the stick!!”
You wonder, so what is this trick?
Is it really just good
To step on some wood,
Or a dumb phrase thrown out by a dick?
The Hollywood diva would stick
With a hired detective named Rick.
The local P.D.
Could do it for free,
But she wanted her own private dick.
If you need a candlestick
It might just do the trick.
Handle with care
But please beware
Use the side without the wick.
A girl from Barh with a walking stick
Said: “I’m luckier than the other chicks
he gives me support
and never he snorts
But best of all he is just a dick”.
After shooting the bear, hunter Vic
Stood poking the beast with a stick.
What would happen, we said,
If it wasn’t quite dead?
And Vic replied, “Don’t be ridic–“
When I was married to Billy “The Stick”
He treated me worse than a brick.
When we got a divorce,
The grounds, of course
were “YOU MAKE ME SICK!”
not a duplicate
When I was married to Billy “The Stick”
He treated me worse than a filthy old brick.
When we got a divorce,
The grounds, of course
were “YOU MAKE ME SICK!”
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick;
Jack, slide under that limbo stick.
If you feel the pain
Of muscle strain,
Ibuprofen should do the trick.
When trying to rhyme words with stick
First in your brain, something must click.
Then be clever
In your endeavor
And you’ll create the perfect LIM-ER-ICK.
Idea from Dave Johnson
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick;
Get your hands off this prudent chick.
She knows what you’re thinking
And sees you’ve been drinking
So take a cold shower real quick.
Oops! forgot to type stick
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Get your hands off this prudent chick.
She knows what you’re thinking
And sees you’ve been drinking
You’re nothing to her but a scraggy old stick.
He asked her “Can you drive a stick?”
She said “No, I’ll learn it real quick.”
But their getaway car
Traveled not very far;
Reverse was just one easy click.
Why do I get the feeling that the oboe player is going to have a conductor’s baton thrown at him (or worse) in just a few moments?
There’s hope that the charges won’t stick
And maybe his version will click.
He said to the judge:
“I just gave him a nudge;
Not knowing the glass wasn’t thick.”
1950’s Misconception
In ’52 I had a stick
I dug and dug till my hands felt thick.
My friend said
“Dinah, are you digging to China?”
“Yes, LOOK! matzoh balls; come and have a lick!
not a duplicate ……trying for a better meter
When trying to rhyme words with stick
In your brain, something must click.
You need to be clever
In your endeavor
To create the perfect LIM-ER-ICK!
A camper had looked for a stick
To help start a fire real quick.
Off the trail, he discovered
A couple – uncovered
Who offered “Just go flick your Bic!”
1950’s Misconception Improvement in Meter
In ’52 I had a stick
I dug till my hands felt thick
My friend said, “Dinah,
are to digging to China?”
Look! matzoh balls: have a lick!
Unique Discovery
When I was young I had a stick
I dug till my hands felt thick
Then one sunny day
In the month of May
I found Jimmy Hoffa’s prick.
I’ve discovered that limericks are like bananas – they come in bunches…
When I had a pogo stick
Life was really a kick.
Mom took it away
She said it’s child’s play
It’s been replaced with my hubby Dick.
Oh, as I grow older, my dick
Has come to resemble a stick:
It’s withered and brittle,
Adorned with two little
Dry nuts no one’s anxious to pick!
The witch, off to worship Old Nick,
Found a ShopVac convenient and quick.
Though witches by habit
Ride brooms to the Sabbat,
This witch never learned to drive Stick.
Though young men these days get a kick
From the Back Door, it makes me say, “Ick!”
Call me old fuddy-dud;
Call me stick-in-the-mud,
But I do not like mud on my stick.
At one time you had to lick
A stamp so it would stick
Now you can peel it
So it firmly will seal it.
And your stamp will stick real quick.
I once had a magic stick
To evaporate my brother Nick
I waved it around
up and down.
And conjured another one named Rick!
I wish I could find a long stick
with a small pointy end for a wick
so’s next time the crass
asks us what burns his ass
I could answer ’em lickety split.
In one hand he held a large stick
and the other a huge mining pick.
When asked why oft’ly
he said, “One’s to speak softly,
the other’s if you’re just a dick.”
Don’t confuse schtick with stick
The words are not meant to trick
A stick’s made of wood
But with schtick you should
Laugh till your sides almost split.
An aging porn actor named Rick
Just couldn’t get ready to click.
The director said “Dude –
If you can’t find the mood,
Sun City is where you should stick.”
Trying for perfection!
Trying for perfection
When trying to rhyme with stick
In your brain, something must click
You must be clever
In your endeavor
Voila! a perfect LIM-ER-ICK!
Little Pig, from his mansion of brick,
Thought of houses of straw, and of stick,
And their mortgages — sold
To the wolves for their gold —
And he laughed ’til he made himself sick.
She’s decided not to stick
With a guy for being a dick.
When they go out to eat,
He’ll often repeat:
“More coffee and YO – make it quick!”
If you throw a dog a stick
He’ll retrieve it mighty quick
But take heed, my friend
It will NEVER END!
Till you want to kill that mutt with a brick!
On her body I spread Nestlé’s Quik;
Chocolate syrup ensures it will stick.
Then two scoops on her chest —
It’s her new Sundae best.
When she wears it, I think she looks slick.
A parrot was perched on a stick
And squawked with an accent so thick.
The shop owner, Fred
Smirked “Here’s what he said:
Just feed me and don’t be a dick!!”
“Hey man, you need to get on the stick.
It’s our time, so let’s cut to the quick.”
The reply.”Okay ace,
We can still win this race,
But only if time has a nick.”
When you want to antagonize quick,
You can try this obnoxious new trick.
If a concert’s the place
To capture your face,
Just pull out your dumb selfie stick.
I couldn’t get the post-it to stick
So I bought some glue called “Thick”
It spilled on the floor
I tripped on the door
Now I’m stuck with my head on a brick.
There once was a caveman named Glick
Who in rage gave a tree a swift kick.
To the ground fell a bough
That he grabbed yelling, “Yow!
Dudes, come quick—me invented the stick!”
Ol’ Jed has a great walking stick;
It isn’t too heavy or thick.
The handle is hip;
There’s an embedded chip
For a GPS screen he can click.
My grandson’s name is Rick?
Or maybe it is Stick?
I’ve only seen the top of his head
He even brings his i-phone to bed
I’m hoping that one day we’ll click!
Their superglue claimed it could stick
A live elephant (that’s quite a trick!)
To the wall. They were right,
And the jumbo stuck tight,
But the wall has collapsed brick by brick.
My cleaning lady uses a stick
A cloth at the end, “dusting trick”
She’s not at all frivolous
A “professional” who’s meticulous
But she rearranges my knack with my knick
There’s really not much of a trick
In trying to rhyme the word “stick”.
But it has to make sense;
Or else you’ll commence
Doing it by hick or by crick.
not a duplicate
My cleaning girl uses a stick
A cloth at the end: “dusting trick”
She’s very meticulous
And highly fastidious
But she rearranges my knack with my knick!
What more could she want in a trick?
It was prick, it was dick, it was stick.
With a lick just for fun,
Then a need to be done,
It was thick, it was slick, it was quixk.
Her decision to buy was too quick.
The sounds from the bird made her sick.
She thought that the parrot
Might respond to a carrot,
But she much preferred using a stick.
Not an entry in the contest, but a response to
Dave Johnson’s, observation that limericks come in bunches.
Now limericks may come in bunches –
One of several plausible hunches.
But some think they’ll be lonely,
And become bunchy only,
If preceded by twenty-five crunches.
A reply to a hot, friendly chick
Who asked for ride to a flick
Was much misconstrued
And considered quite lewd
When I asked, “ Can you handle a stick?”.
I could never get it to stick
That when I turn the key; wait for the “click”
My house got robbed
And oh, how I sobbed
They took my DVD, “How To Remember” flick.
I won the famous baton stick
For acting out the best schtick
I stood on my head
And jumped on the bed
But I’m no longer married to Rick.
A Florida Governor named Rick
Thought he couldn’t be beat with a stick.
But the Koch brothers money
Made him act like a dummy
And the future is jail for the prick!
Two new switches got broken quite quick:
One’s in pieces, the other would stick.
“Now our homeowner’s mad,
Which is making me sad,
Cuz I’m guessing that we’ll never click.
Stick-to-it is really her trick;
A stickler for making things click.
She sticks to her guns
Baking hot, sticky buns
While beating this rhyme with her stick.
(Goodbye to a word I’m so sick of….)
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 209.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme: Vet.
When he threatened me with a stick
I told him he had the wrong chick
When a flip and a push
Landed him on his tush
He actually learned pretty fast