Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DECK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using DECK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

While checking his freshly built deck,
A man felt some bites on his neck.
He inspected, then cursed:
“Damn mosquitos! The worst!
I will deck you. Bugs ain’t on the spec.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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60 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DECK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    My wife said, “Put up the deck!”
    She’s such a big pain in the neck.
    I looked at the wood
    This won’t turn out good,
    I thought. And I built a real wreck.

    So I turned to my only friend, Stan.
    When it comes to tools he is The Man.
    He fixed it up nice.
    But it came at a price
    ‘Cause she left with him (that was my plan).

  2. Dave Johnson says:

    An ex-tugboat captain named Breck
    Was diagnosed “crazy as heck”.

    He won’t be released
    Until he has ceased

    His hollering “All hands on deck!”

  3. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    New Date: Sex Can Wait?

    She thought about stacking the deck;
    Reconsidering, shrugged: what the heck!
    So her 38B
    Became 42D,
    His attention’s now fixed ‘neath her neck.

  4. Patrice of the ManyCats says:

    A Promising Season

    With holly boughs, let’s the halls deck!
    Sure, it’s Yoda speak, but what the heck:
    Like a pol I can obfuscate,
    Clarity – pah! too late.
    Of course, by the male is your check :)

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The conductor exclaimed “What the heck!”
    To the violin in the last deck.
    “Your playing is poor, Jack;
    Your scraping makes Dvořák
    Sound horribly like a dud Czech.”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    They were sunbathing out on their deck,
    Tanned all over, not wearing a speck.
    Through binocular glasses
    I ogled their asses,
    And soon had a very stiff … neck.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    The waitress who brought me my Beck
    Was as stacked as a sixty-card deck.
    I was left in no doubt
    That she’d gladly put out –
    In return for a generous cheque.

  8. Janie Gouge says:

    He was dealing from the bottom of the deck
    She knew beyond mere introspect
    When she threatened to expose him
    He did the apropos then
    He bribed her with a blank check

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    The Captain was strolling the deck
    On the ship that would soon be a wreck,
    Saying “Don’t be alarmed,
    The ship cannot be harmed
    By an iceberg, it’s far too hi-tech.”

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Christmas Day: I decided to check
    What my children have used to bedeck
    The tree. For my son,
    There’s a mask and a gun,
    For my daughter, a skinning-knife – yeck!

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    It was dusk; she was tied to his deck,
    And the vampire went down on her neck.
    Oh, the feast would be bloody!
    But she sneered at him: “Buddy,
    This ‘Twilight’ is yesterday’s dreck”.

  12. The radio clown named Glenn Beck
    Is missing some cards from his deck.
    Though it’s hard to play poker
    With one card (a joker),
    He throws down his card — and cries, “Check!”

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    The waiter will bring me my check
    But why should I pay for this dreck?
    You dare call this food?
    It tastes like it’s glued!
    And I didn’t eat it, just pecked.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    With a Hermes scarf, she did deck
    Her comely and so graceful neck.
    For she was all his
    This very hot miz
    As long he would pay the check.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    He got so crocked on triple sec
    He no longer played with full deck
    He fell to the floor
    And began to snore
    He was a complete drunken wreck.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman sunbathed on her deck
    But nothing but pearls on her neck
    And she didn’t give pause
    When some guys gave applause.
    “If they want to look, what the heck!”

  17. Poor Cap’n Jack’s barge is a wreck:
    He tried to say, “All hands on DECK…”
    But the order that Jack sent
    Was spoiled by his accent.
    They thought he was saying… (oh, blecch!)

    Old Cap’n Jack’s eyes, they grew large
    When he saw what went on in his barge.
    I’m told upon landing
    The misunderstanding
    Resulted in seaman discharge.

  18. Dave Johnson says:

    While sunbathing nude on their deck,
    They spotted a bright, shiny speck

    Hovering on high
    Way up in the sky;

    Those drones are as snoopy as heck.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    While standing outside on the deck
    He gave his girl a loving peck
    But she wanted more
    They fell to the floor
    And after she was a sweet wreck

  20. Dave Johnson says:

    Marshawn Lynch has just hit the deck.
    One more yard – we’re happy as heck!

    But, “OH NO! THEY CAN’T

    Our Super Bowl now is a wreck.

  21. Dave Johnson says:

    While out on a wilderness trek,
    They’ll sleep on a cold, craggy deck.

    But at home she’ll say
    “I’m hurting today;

    Our mattress is lumpy as heck!”

  22. yt cai says:

    It took time, but was now on deck
    Pursed lips while craning his neck
    He reached in his shorts
    And purchased 8 quarts
    Jim’s kissing booth score of a peck

  23. yt cai says:

    On Nantucket there was a shipwreck
    Captain Joe stayed on the main deck
    He went down on the ship
    Caught a case of the drip
    With his wife he’s now up to his neck

  24. Stay in your cabin or take a chance?

    There’s a party on the Lido deck.
    I can’t go; I’m a wreck.
    My hair is a mess
    I hate my dress
    Let’s go anyway; what the heck!

  25. Redecorating

    When I showed the designer my deck
    I said I wanted it to look “high tech”
    When I saw the result,
    I lashed out an insult:
    “Where on earth did you find such dreck?”

  26. The Sixties Predicament

    Rick and I were on the deck
    He asked “Want to Play Hunt and Peck?”
    When daddy saw my hickey
    He said “NO MORE RICKEY!”
    Next time I’ll cover my neck.

  27. not a duplicate

    There’s a party on the Lido Deck
    I can’t go; I’m such a wreck!
    My hair is a mess
    I hate my dress
    But I’ll go anyway; what the heck!

  28. Dave Johnson says:

    He sat on the ship’s upper deck
    Watching the passenger’s trek.

    Ogling a lady,
    His musings were shady;

    For a quickie, would she take a check?

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    The vampire patrolled the town-deck
    Seeking virgins to nibble and peck,
    But there weren’t any left,
    And the rest were too deft
    To succumb to a pain in the neck.

  30. My sightless date gave me a peck
    We were out on his lovely deck.
    “It’s not over, Cutie
    I must touch your booty
    And then do a full body-check.”

  31. changed for a perfect meter

    My sightless date gave me a peck
    We were out on his beautiful deck
    “It’s not over, Cutie,
    I must touch your booty,
    And then do a full body check!”

  32. We all loved “Goomah” Beck
    We were all from Queens, Little Neck
    Till one sunny day
    He gave us away
    Arrivederci: time to hit the deck!

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    Pete Piper would usually neck
    With his girlfriend outside on the deck.

    From a fridge in the back,
    He’d pick a six-pack

    And prep her with his pickled peck.

  34. Sue Dulley says:

    Elvis sang “Wear my ring ’round your neck”.
    When I heard it I thought: Wait a sec,
    If she threaded her head
    Through his ring, she’d be dead!
    (That’s before I acquired a full deck.)

  35. Dr. Smith’s Blunder

    My patient’s name was Steck
    I established that we were all “on deck”
    But instead of removing his toes,
    I accidentally removed his nose.
    No wonder he wrote a bad check!

  36. Sue Dulley says:

    Some backpackers on their last trek
    Left behind half their stuff on the deck.
    Having nothing but snacks
    In their pockets or packs
    They ate mushrooms and berries on spec.


    My blind date was a total wreck
    First, he wrote, “You’re pretty” on my neck.
    Then he got on my bed
    And stood on his head
    You think he was playing,” Full Deck”?

  38. not a duplicate

    My blind date was such a wreck
    First he wrote “You’re nice” on my neck!
    Then he got on my bed
    And stood on his head
    Think he was playing with a full deck?

  39. Dave Johnson says:

    Ol’ Cooter was guzzling some Beck,
    Then followed it with triple sec.

    That wasn’t too keen;
    He went from a lean

    To snoring face-down on the deck.

  40. Dave Johnson says:

    In a hanger bay under the deck,
    Those sailors are busy as heck.

    Both women and men;
    It’s much better than when

    They only had Shop or Home Ec.

    Be safe Zachary…

  41. Kaye Roberts says:

    A gambler once salted the deck
    With aces, thus risking his neck
    But he won all the cash
    Which he put in his stash
    And generously picked up the check

  42. Dave Johnson says:

    Let’s wander outside on the deck
    And see what the storm didn’t wreck.

    Well, we still have some stairs,
    But where are the chairs?

    To Home Depot now we must trek.

  43. I was on my new sun deck
    When a love bug gave me a peck.
    First I got a kiss
    But the bug was remiss
    And he bit my lovely tanned neck.

  44. not a duplicate

    I was bathing on my new sun deck
    When a love bug gave me a peck
    First I got a kiss,
    But the bug was remiss:
    And now I have welts on my neck!

  45. I’ve got to get this right!

    I was bathing on my new sun deck,
    When a love bug gave me a little peck
    First I got a kiss,
    But the bug was remiss
    And now I have welts all over my neck!

  46. Dave Johnson says:

    A hockey enforcer named Beck
    Takes no guff – he’d just as soon deck

    An opponent on ice.
    They always think twice;

    Their dental work he likes to check.

  47. I invited Doc Jones to my deck
    I said “Doc, NO HEALTH CHECK”
    We’re here for a party,
    So don’t be a smarty.
    I need my disability check!

  48. Dave Johnson says:

    A worker forgot to connect
    Some bolts that are under our deck.

    Sometimes it’ll sway
    Either this or that way;

    Air-sickness bags help the effect.

  49. not a duplicate

    I invited Doc Jones to my deck
    I said “Tonight, don’t be such a tech!
    This is a party,so
    Don’t touch me, smarty:
    I need my disability check!”

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    A batter was standing on deck;
    His package he thought he would check.

    Adjustments were made;
    But there in the shade,

    The ball girls were laughing like heck.

  51. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    A captain was striving to check
    His foundering seafaring trek
    As his mutinous crew
    Formed a startling queue
    To punch him right in the deck

  52. A captain was striving to check
    His foundering seafaring trek
    As his mutinous crew
    Formed a startling queue
    To punch him square on the deck.

  53. Canadian Disaster

    We bought a house in Quebec.
    It came with a beautiful deck.
    The rest of the place
    Was such a disgrace
    That we’ve named it “Maison a la Dreck”

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    At a party, he tried to connect
    With a hottie out there on the deck.

    But he didn’t know
    That she brought a beau

    Who’s known as “The Whoopin’ Ass Czech”.

  55. It’s Hurricane Sandy, oh, heck!
    Hubby and I are a wreck!
    We’re flying around
    We can’t get down!
    And Toto is on our deck!

  56. Allen Wilcox says:

    The magician had shuffled the deck.
    “Take a card, any card, I won’t check.”
    He then closed his eyes,
    And to his surprise,
    “I see a white rabbit – Oh Heck.”

  57. Allen Wilcox says:

    He cruised on the ship’s upper deck,
    Looking hard for a life he could wreck.
    He took down below
    A woman in tow,
    “I’ll be through with you, dear, in a sec.”

    “I’m a cop, you dumb ass, hit the deck.
    He quickly turned into a wreck.
    With handcuffs in hand,
    On his neck took her stsnd,
    “I’ll be through with you, dear, in a sec.”

  58. Tim James says:

    A gal, making love on her deck,
    Needed lube, so she reached for some Breck.
    She applied it down there;
    Her guy’s thrilled, ’cause that hair
    Now is fluffy and bouncy as heck.

  59. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    If Pete Piper could pick a full peck
    Of Peruvian peppers, then, heck,
    He could give all those peppers
    To poor homeless lepers—
    Then they might stay off of his deck.

  60. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 208.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Stick — Limerick-Off Monday.